A Misshapen Life
by X- JigsawRose -X
Summary: Bella, a fifteen year old only-child ends up in a Phsyciatric hospital after she is taken from her mother, until she is adopted by Dr Cullen to join his family...What will Bella think of her new family? Are they all as perfect as they seem to be?
1. Sandgrove Hospital

A Misshapen Life

*~Bella~*

"Isabella...I need you to stay still for me, I know it is painful but I need you to try and stay relaxed...Can you do that for me?"

I nodded meekly with my eyes remaining closed...I had been told that I would have to go through these tests the minute I arrived but they never once said that it would be this painful...I tried desperately to fight back tears as I felt poking around in the most unwanted places...I exhaled deeply as the smell of chemicals and sweat filled the air around me.

I was in a hospital called Sandgrove, in the Pacific Northwest of the USA...I am British because I speak differently to everyone else around me. I can't remember what happened to me before I came here the last memory I have was of my mother telling me that I was going away for a while and that I would be okay...I never remember feeling sad but I had so much love for my mother and every moment I pictured her face the usual sting of tears threatened to fall from my exhausted eyes.

As I lay on the hospital bed I made an inner promise to myself that I would not cry in this strange and unusual place – Tears were a form of weakness...At least that's what the three men that took me from my mother said, I can't remember anything else that they said to me however as it all just seemed like a black hole unable to have any source of light ever again. I clutched tightly at my diary which was balanced on my chest, the doctor who was poking and prodding me had desperately attempted to take it from me – I never gave in...No one who entered my life now would never have the satisfaction of seeing those pages...They were my memories and my memories alone and I would never allow anyone to ever read it, even if I had to risk my own life to keep it with me.

"Okay, Isabella...I am finished. Tess will now show you back to your room and talk to you about what is going to happen next. I will be in for your round later tonight" The elderly Doctor explained...I couldn't for the life of me remember his name and I did not want to attempt to say a completely wrong name and then look silly so I simply nodded again...Crossed my legs and pulled myself off of the bed still clutching my diary...My descent went with some effort from Tess as she saw me shaking quite violently...My body felt so heavy and I couldn't find any immediate emotion in my mind, I was neither angry or sad...Just numb.

The corridors were dark and cold, and there weren't any other people walking the other way, it almost seemed deserted as if the people who occupied these rooms were now forgotten about and I was the latest member. Tess kept hold of me until we entered what would now be my room right at the very end of the corridor...The door squeaked as it opened and closed – I immediately thought that any chance I would have of escaping this place and trying to find my mother again would be slim. Tess let go of my arm as she gradually lowered me onto the bed grasping my shoulders... she then walked over and grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and placed it in front of me at the foot of the bed.

There was a silence before she spoke – I kept my focus on the floor not knowing what she would say to me next...I waited for what seemed like an eternity before she began to speak.

"My name is Tess, Isabella I am a staff nurse here in the hospital...This may seem like a very odd question for you but could you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

I shuddered away wanting so badly to wake up from this nightmare and into the arms of my mother once more, inhaling her scent of tobacco and peppermint as my salty tears soaked her clothes...I didn't want to speak to anyone I wanted to be alone.

"It's okay to be afraid Isabella, I won't hurt you...I am here to take care of you...I understand that you haven't spoken a word since you arrived here last night so I if you wouldn't mind...I will ask you a few questions and if you could just nod or shake your head for me in response that would be fantastic...Could you do that for me?"

There was something soothing about Tess's voice it started to make sense how she would take care of people in her job...I felt this sudden urge to tell her things...Not caring how much sense they made and so feeling slightly happier about being in Tess's company I nodded still keeping my focus on the floor.

"Thank you, Isabella. Now your full name is Isabella Marie Swan. Is that correct?"

Before I could even register anything I muttered simply "Bella".

"What was that sweetheart?" Tess replied after a pause.

"Bella...I like to be called Bella" I felt such a surge of relief when I heard my own voice once again.

"Oh I see, I understand. My name is Theresa but everyone calls me Tess. Your middle name is Marie and your surname Swan?"

I nodded again in response

"That's a very beautiful name and Bella means beautiful in Italian so I guess you're extremely lucky in that way" I didn't know what to say to that, I didn't know any other languages and I never thought of myself as being beautiful.

"Your mother's name is Renée Swan. Is that correct?"

I nodded again, feeling the sting in between my eyes at the mention of her name.

"Your birthday is September 13th?" I nodded again, feeling more tired as the questions went by.

"Right well that's all the details we have about you – Do you remember what happened before you came here, Bella?"

I shook my head...Feeling my eyes dropping at a high rate.

"I can see that you are exhausted I will explain only briefly what is going to happen during your time here and then I will let you get some rest...We are a hospital for psychiatric patients and seeing as you have no history of mental health or any symptoms right now we feel it only best to put your name on a list for the local adoption agency in Port Angeles because you are still a child by law. Earlier Dr Albertson ran a few tests just to ensure that you are healthy and fit for adoption and I am sorry if they felt uncomfortable but it is procedure I am afraid. We will keep you here under observation until we hear from the agency just to make sure that you are safe. Dr Albertson will be back around again later on this evening and he will have to wake you if you're asleep he will be accompanied by Dr Cullen who is our deputy head Doctor. Is that alright?"

"Yes" I mumbled meekly but Tess had heard me as she then nodded back at me. Then wasting no time she got up as quietly as she could and put the chair back in its original place and walked towards the door.

I threw myself backwards onto the bed with my diary in my hands and closed my eyes immediately...

"Sweet dreams beautiful Bella" A faded voice said before I fell into darkness.


	2. Carlisle

**Songs I listened to whilst writing this chapter:**

***Michael Buble – Home***

***Secondhand Serenade- Goodbye ***

*** Hanna Pestle – Need***

*~Bella~*

"Here is our newest patient, Isabella Swan...I completed all of her examinations just this morning and she arrived here last night" I was still under when I heard the muffing voice...Was it my sub-conscious? Was I dreaming, still? I couldn't make it out except the fact that it was a voice belonging to a male – I felt suddenly more awake than I had ever felt as I fluttered my eyes a few times before completely opening them to a clean white ceiling above my head.

"Isabella, are you awake?" The same voice rang through my ears. I felt for my diary which I remembered was still clasped tightly in my arms when I fell asleep earlier, I found the strength in my arms surprisingly better as I was now fully into the reality in front of me, however all I felt when I moved my arms was the rest of my empty lap..Panic surged through my system as I frantically moved my hands from my chest, to my lap and then to both the sides of the bed and still found nothing...I shot up from my position on my back to sitting and felt my tears now falling down my face once again...No one could have taken my diary...No one was allowed to hold my diary or take a look at any of the things I had written this had been my one purpose being here and once again, I had failed.

"Isabella?" Another voice spoke...I imagined that it belonged to the other doctor that was supposed to be visiting me today – there was concern in his voice...Choosing not to look at any of their faces I bent myself over to the right side of my bed to look on the floor to see if my diary had fallen in the time I was asleep – the dark blue carpet was empty...I did the same with the left side and was still unsuccessful.

Someone must have taken it....No one had a right to take something that belonged to me without my permission, this was something my mother had always taught me and I fortunately enough remembered it as I was sometimes scatty as a child and would forget instruction easily when there was another thing to take my attention away from the demanding voice of my mother.

"My Diary" I gasped out through the wetness of my eyes..."Where is my diary?" I almost didn't recognise my voice as it was crackly and more high-pitched than usual.

"It's alright Isabella we have your diary...It is being kept safe for you until tomorrow" a male voice attempted to sooth me but I was not having any of it...I needed my diary...I needed it now.

"You have no right to take it...Please give me back my diary" I pleaded the tears still pouring down my face.

"You can have it tomorrow, Isabella. You remember me? My name is Dr Albertson...You were with me for your tests earlier..."

"PLEASE sir! I want my diary" I was almost shouting now.

"Isabella...Please?" Dr Albertson pleaded.

I shot from my sitting position to throw my legs over the bed to place on the floor..With as much strength as I could master I stormed toward the door before almost tripping and landing on my face...I felt an arm restrain me as I reached for the doorknob.

"You can't take it...It's all I have...I need it...PLEASE?!" I shouted my voice bouncing off of the door in front of me and echoing around the room...The arm which was strong around my right arm didn't budge...I almost was about to pull away from the grasp when the other man spoke stopping me.

"Frank, go and get the diary...It will calm her down I will stay here and watch out for her until you get back" I felt a sigh break away from my body as the words registered in my head...I loosened gradually and stepped backwards a little.

"You're probably right Carlisle; if I had known it was such a important possession to her I would never have asked Tess to take it from her. I will be right back." Dr Albertson said before opening the door to the familiar squeaking noise and closing it again.

I was a statue...I couldn't find my legs and I felt almost silly about the way I acted...The hand from around my arm then came away and gripped my shoulder almost in a tentative way..I shook off the hand gently and the sudden emotion of security and safeness I found from this man's hold on me, turning around and making my way back to the bed to sit with my legs sprawled out in front of me, my focus staying on the bed sheets underneath my body.

"Isabella, my name is Carlisle...Would you mind if I sat down?" Another soothing voice...Just like Tess's is, I couldn't bring myself to look at him...I nodded slightly.

"Thank you" Carlisle then grabbed the same chair that Tess had sat in not hours ago and took the same place she had done at the foot on my bed...I still didn't look up.

"Did you sleep well?" Carlisle asked

"Yes, thank you" I replied. Why was it so easy to talk to these people? Did they have magical powers that no one knew about?

"I am sorry about your diary...Tess thought that you would be uncomfortable with it against your chest whilst you slept and she knew how you never let it out of your sight and so then decided it would be best if she kept it safe for you. Don't worry no one would dream of reading it without your say-so, Isabella." Carlisle explained...The corners of my mouth lifted ever so slightly at the kindness of his words I now felt more awful about my display and I needed to make him understand that I am not usually like that and how much I appreciate what the hospital has done for me..They have kept a roof over my head and a bed for me to sleep in that meant more to me than anyone.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle-" I silenced myself realising that I had called a Doctor by their first name and I had always thought that this was a rule. Carlisle however noticed my reluctance and smiled a little at my sudden silence.

"It's alright Isabella, you can call me Carlisle if you wish; I do not mind"

"Okay...I was going to say sorry ...sir ...for my behaviour just now...I am not usually like that it's just...All of my memories are in that diary and it's the only thing I have left" I explained my voice now back to normal and in a normal pitch.

"I understand perfectly...Diaries are important things and if anyone should know that it is me" Carlisle replied.

"So what did you and Dr Albertson need me for, sir?" I asked him, not quite sure as to what a 'round' was.

Carlisle couldn't answer because the squeak from the door rand through the room once more and someone, who I imagined would be Dr Albertson, entered the room. I looked up for the first time and saw that it was Dr Albertson, clutching my diary in his left hand...He came up to the bed smiling tentatively at me as he held his hand out, I instantly pulled one of my hands out and took the diary from him hugging it to my chest and rocking it slightly from side to side. I looked up as I had now felt complete with my diary back and stared into the eyes of Carlisle.

Carlisle was striking...Almost beautiful...His skin was pale, much more pale than mine was and I am half-albino...His lips were as red as blood and were slightly slimmer than the rest of his features on his face...His eyes were a deep, blue colour I had never seen that colour of eyes on anyone else in my life. His hair was the blondest of blondes pulled back from his face in a neat style that again, I had never seen before...Was it possible for men to be beautiful? Carlisle wasn't good-looking or just merely handsome but naturally striking. I had been drawn in by his voice but now I found myself unable to look away from his face...His eyes were piercing almost like he could see into my soul – If that were possible. The whiteness of his jacket illuminated him very well and it was almost as if he belonged in a museum of some sort for others to gaze upon.

"Frank, Isabella has just asked me what we need her for...I imagine that she does not know what a round is." Carlisle spoke to Frank but kept his focus on me.

"There is nothing to worry about, Isabella...We just come round every night to our patients to make sure that they are okay and if they have eaten...And whether or not they would like to speak to us about anything that is bothering them. It's pretty simple, my dear." Dr Albertson replied as he scribbled on a clipboard, his focus on the clipboard as he spoke.

"Luckily for you, Isabella....Oh wait I just remembered Tess was telling me that you prefer to be called Bella. Is that right?" Carlisle asked, his eyes glistening as he spoke.

"Yes that is right" I answered taken-aback by the fact that he remembered and was willing to call me by the name I preferred, if it was done to make me feel more comfortable then it certainly worked.

Carlisle opened his mouth to say something else, when a loud beeping sound filled the room landing in my ears I flinched at the sound a little.

"I am sorry Dr Cullen" Dr Albertson said as he pulled out something from his side pocket and staring at it intently "There is an emergency with a patient on the fourth floor..Could you possibly carry out the rest of the round with Isabella?"

Carlisle nodded "Of course, Frank" He replied.

"My apologies, Isabella...If there are any problems, Carlisle, then you know what to do" Dr Albertson had already made his way over to the door and opened it.

"Yes, Frank I will do that if necessary". Carlisle answered as the door then squeaked closed.

I was now alone with Carlisle in my room and I didn't know what else to do seeing as I had already gawked at him, for more time than anyone would stare at a statue of beauty...I resorted to look around the room a little more although in all honesty there was nothing of interest to look at as it was very plain and almost dull.

"Well, Bella...Seeing as I am going to be here with you for a while, I feel that I should give you a little something" Carlisle said as he reached for something in front of him on the floor I sat in awkward silence waiting for him to come back up and face me again. Carlisle was quick with his search and out of nowhere his hand was now stretched out towards me with what looked like food in it. I looked at him confused.

"It's alright, Bella...It's a sandwich...One of my wife's best recipes, actually....I do not want you collapsing on me from starvation...Here, take it." I took the sandwich reluctantly and unwrapping the clear film-like wrapping around it.

I held the now exposed sandwich up to my mouth and looked once more at Carlisle, who nodded with a smile on his face and took a small bite out of it from the centre. I felt the food melting my mouth as it moved around and it was, no doubt delicious...I bit into the rest of the sandwich greedily – I never knew how hungry I was until that moment and I must have looked really bad to Carlisle.

"Yes, it's good isn't it? Esme is a great cook – Just one of the things I love about her. I am sorry I do not have anything else on me...I wouldn't mind going down to the canteen and asking them for something if you wish?" Carlisle asked me.

I swallowed the remains of the sandwich down so I could speak....Licking my lips once it had disappeared.

"No thank you, sir" I answered, once again touched by his kindness. "How long have you been married, sir?" I asked him suddenly regretting it.

"Oh a long time...I am not one of those men who says that it only feels like yesterday since he got married because that is not true in the slightest...And I have three children to prove my age anyway so I wouldn't be able to get away with that excuse if I tried." Carlisle chuckled slightly...I smiled back in return wondering then whether the rest of his family were as beautiful as he was.

"How old are you, Bella"? Carlisle asked after a few moments of silence.

"I am fifteen, sir....Sixteen next month" I answered, groaning internally at the fact that I am going to be another year older and have nothing good to show for my life so far.

"You're a year younger than my son, Edward...He is much more of a tough one to handle as I imagine you would be. My daughter, Alice is almost seventeen and my eldest, Emmet has just turned nineteen." Carlisle answered...His eyes glistening again as he spoke about each of his children in turn – I could tell that he had a lot of love for them...My own mother looked at me in that way and a twinge of pain came over me as I thought about her again.

"What are they like, Sir?" I asked...Trying to find some distraction from the thoughts of my mother.

"Brilliant...They all are in their own way. Alice is an avid lover of fashion...Constantly reading magazines and sketching her own designs...She is also the only member of our family who could spend their lives in a mall. Emmett is a sportsman, quarterback to his team and has many awards to show his achievements...He is a bit of a ladies' man and likes to think that he is the best but he is a kind young man once you get past the heightened ego. Edward is the musician...Always playing on his piano and he is an academic genius...He is very unpredictable sometimes as one minute he will be with you talking like I am to you now and the other he will be locked away in his room in silence...He is a very thoughtful boy but at times I never know what to do with him. I am hoping that he grows out of it, of course." Carlisle explained.

I smiled at him as I tried to picture each of his children; I was so much in thought that I very narrowly missed Carlisle's voice, again.

"Is it true that you have been put on the list for the Port Angeles adoption agency, Bella?"

"Yes, sir. ..Tess told me that my name had been put down seeing as I was still a child" I replied still with the thoughts of Carlisle's children in my mind.

"Yes...Well I should let you get some sleep, would you like me to come and check on you in the morning or would you prefer Dr Albertson to do it?" Carlisle asked as he stood up from the chair and placed it down in the corner of the room.

"You, please sir? If that is not too much trouble" I replied

Carlisle smiled again and shook his head "It's never any trouble, Bella" He walked over to the door, pulled it open and stood from outside of it to glance at me.

"One more thing..." He began

"Yes, sir" I answered a bit too eagerly

"Please call me Carlisle" He told me with a smile.

I smiled back "Okay, Carlisle" the door closed and I sighed a little before taking my diary out of my arms, a warm patch on my chest from where it had been all this time and placed it on the bedside table before standing up...Pulling the covers back and climbing in...Sleep once again taking over me.

**A bit longer this time...:D!**

**Carlisle and Bella's P.O.V in next chapter**

**Thanks**

**.S. x**


	3. Isabella

**Songs I listened to writing this chapter:**

***Simple Plan – Save you***

***Trading Yesterday – Shattered***

***Lady Antebellum – One day you will***

*~Carlisle~*

I gathered all my paperwork for the busy day ahead...Almost running over my wife, Esme in the process who was attempting to try and soothe me from stress and panic which she had always done remarkably well but it wasn't something that I would welcome today as I had already received five calls from Dr Frank Albertson explaining that he would need me in earlier today because he needed my assistance with a new patient.

New patients were always the hardest; luckily I had been a Doctor long enough to get into the right mind-set for the day and to ensure that I maintained a good amount of patience (whether I needed it today or not was a different story entirely).

"Carlisle my darling would you please slow down...You are making me nervous" Esme said as I rumbled through the drawers of my office trying to find the details I had received about this new patient last night.

I halted in my tracks and turned to find her leaning against the door with a slightly worried expression on her face and her forehead creased...I felt an urge of sadness and walked over to her grasping her beautiful figure in my arms and hugging her as tightly as I could muster for this time in the morning.

"I am sorry sweetheart I just have a long day ahead and I need to make sure I have everything" I whispered into her ear smelling her hair and natural scent as I went. I felt her shiver slightly underneath my hold before wrapping her arms around me back and sighing into my ear.

"What is it my love?" I asked...Concerned for her.

"It's nothing...I just always miss everyone when they go out everyday...It's not easy being at home by myself – besides I don't think Emmett has forgiven you for grounding him last night and Emmett being angry is always something I don't look forward to" she whispered in reply a longing tone to her voice.

If given the choice I would spend the rest of my life wrapped up in Esme's arms; There was no other place that felt more like heaven the radiance of pureness and love that enhanced from her never, to this day ceased to amaze me – I loved her more than I could possibly say in words..She was my life...I loved her the day I met her and I was even more in love with her now.

"Emmett shouldn't have punched Mike Newton, I had to attend to his injuries remember? I can't let anyone – even someone as high-strung as Emmett get away with that kind of violence." I tried to soothe her with my explanations.

"I know and I do not condone his behaviour...I just hope that he takes his punishment more lightly this time...You know what happened last time" Esme replied her voice still tingling the side of my head as I held her closely.

"If he gives you any grief...You ring me, Angel...He will not take his bad mood out on you, I won't allow it. Besides, he has Jasper and Edward to take it out on." I answered smiling at the memories of the injuries both Edward and Jasper, my daughter Alice's boyfriend have received due to Emmett having an 'off day'.

Esme sighed again and pulled me tighter to her chest. "I love you" she said.

I released my hold on her and put my finger underneath her chin so I could gaze into her eyes...She looked back into mine intently and smiled ever so slightly.

"I love you too, my Esme...So much" I replied lowering my head to press my lips to hers...She responded with eagerness and placed her hand on the side of my face, stroking me caringly...I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her up...Our lips still connected.

"You know it's not nice to have the mental image of your parents snogging each other in your head for the day" Both myself and Esme broke away from our haven to find Emmett standing in the hallway making gagging noises as I set Esme down on her feet.

"One day, Emmett I will find you and Rosalie in a passionate embrace and I won't be best pleased either" I answered annoyed at the fact that my moment with Esme was over. Esme looked back at me with a smile and then turned to face Emmett.

"Would you like breakfast, Emmett?" Esme asked

"No thanks, Mom I will grab something in school...Do you guys know if Edward has left already? Seeing as he isn't now tied to the house like I am" Emmett answered ending on a moan.

"Emmett, don't start...One day when you have children you will understand but as of right now I do not want you causing anymore unnecessary injuries. You can always invite Rosalie over if that is what you are upset about, you know that she is always welcome here but I would prefer it of you didn't leave the house to go to your usual brawls." I answered being as civil as I possibly could, I was definitely not in the mood for fighting this morning, of all mornings.

Loud thuds of footsteps down the stairs rang through the house causing the door frame to my office to shake as usual...I don't know how many times I have told my children to be as quiet as possible whilst descending the stairs but once again it seemed to go unnoticed this morning. I groaned loudly and felt a grasp on my hand as Esme smiled at me once again before walking out of the room no doubt to greet the rest of the herd of elephants.

"I guess that answers my question, see you later, dad" Emmet said before walking out of the room...I went back to rummaging through my drawers hoping to find what I was looking for and would have enough time to spare for my morning coffee, I had always had my morning caffeine fix and I wasn't going to let any morning – No matter how bad affect that routine.

I sighed in relief as I found the document, I made a mental note to myself then and there to find time to make my filing system more organized...I had deserted it and now I was paying the price for it. Putting the document in my briefcase which was on my table from earlier I walked out of my office turning the light off as I went. The house was silent which meant that Alice, Emmett and Edward had already made their way to school...I had to hand it to them they were never late on school days and I was proud at their somewhat eagerness to get to school, although I doubted that either of them (especially Emmett) would be evicted about what lessons they had for the day.

Turning the corner of the hallway into the living room, I grabbed my car keys from the coffee table and then made my way into the kitchen. Esme was standing there, chopping some vegetables for tonight's dinner...I grabbed her by the waist fortunately she didn't jump like she had done in the past as she must have been used to it by now. I twisted her around with the knife still in her hand and pulled her to me and connected our lips once more, happiness surging over me...That feeling will never get old, Esme had always had that affect on me as I hoped that it would never die. Esme put an arm (which wasn't round a knife) around my back and responded back just as eagerly moaning into my lips as she parted them.

"I love you my Esme...I will be back soon." I said...Esme smiled and broke away from my arms and went to the fridge...She took out something from one of the shelves with her free hand and held it out to me.

"I kept this from the other night, luckily neither Edward or Emmett saw it sooner and had it themselves" She said as I then took out my free hand and took the sandwich from her, smiling contently as I put it in the side pocket of my trousers. I pulled her back to my chest laughing at how high she had the knife away from my body...I snuggled into the side of her neck and heard her giggle so slightly.

"What would I do without you?" I asked smelling her natural scent once more.

Esme chuckled "You'd do fine...You would just be the guy without my chicken and sweet corn sandwiches for lunch".

I laughed and pulled myself away from her...Internally hating the loss of contact.

"Goodbye my love" I said smiling at her.

"Goodbye honey" she replied and turning to go back to her chopping.

Stepping out of the house to the rain was something I was used to living in Forks, in all honesty I welcomed this weather a lot more than I would the heat...I stepped towards my car climbing in and placing my briefcase on the passenger seat...Turning the key in the ignition I pulled away from my house and made my way to work.

"Good morning Dr Cullen" Louisa, the receptionist greeted me politely...Louisa was probably one of the scattiest people I had ever had in my acquaintance but she always remained polite and professional towards me. I smiled at her heartedly.

"Good morning Louisa, Are there any messages for me?" I asked her hoping that I wouldn't have anything else to deal with today.

"No Doctor Cullen" She smiled...She knew how much I didn't like having extra stresses and so she was probably laughing inside right about now.

I thanked her and walked down toward the cafeteria...gaining a few greetings from other patients as I went – everyone knew who I was and this was something that never seemed to bother me, it did make my job a lot easier.

I walked into the cafeteria, which this morning was empty I got a few smiles from the staff in there as I almost ran to the coffee machine.

I pressed the 'double espresso' button as I waited for it to arrive, eagerly thinking in my mind about who the new patient was. Once it was finished I grabbed a tissue from the side and wrapped it around the cup to prevent myself from being burnt. I walked out eagerly and went to my office.

My office was something that I was proud of in a very strange way...I had done it up with memories about my life...Various pictures of my family hung on the walls along with photos of awards I had achieved in the past...I always ensured my office was orderly even if my office at home was not...I settled down at my mahogany desk and pulled out the paperwork I needed for the day and was about to put my head down and work until a knock at my door prevented me.

"Come in" I said...Pleased that when the door opened it was Tess..She smiled at me and stood half-way between my office and the hallway before speaking.

"I am so sorry to disturb you Doctor Cullen, Frank sent me down here to inform you about the new patient" Tess said a slight apologetic look reaching her eyes as she spoke.

"Of course, Tess come in and have a seat...I was just about to get started" I cleared my book of medicine away from the front of the desk where the chair on the other side faced and motioned for her to sit. Tess smiled and walked over to my desk pulling out a piece of paper from the front of her pinafore before she sat down.

"So...Who is the new person gracing the hospital, Tess?" I asked politely regretting that I may have come off sarcastically but was happily turned the other way when she chuckled slightly...Tess was used to my humour even if other people weren't...She really was a lovely person to work with although I would never admit that to her.

"Her name is Isabella Swan...The police brought her in late last night just as I was about to go home...They informed me that her mother had been taken into rehabilitation after having an alcohol problem for some years and that they couldn't ring the social care unit because they are not open this weekend." Tess explained with a sad look in her eyes.

"I see, Tess. What do we know about her so far?" I asked

"Isabella, who prefers to be called Bella is fifteen...She didn't put up any kind of fight about being here...She has only on possession a diary which she has not let go of since her admission and I imagine that she will be very fond of it and possibly be unable to let it go....Dr Albertson took his examinations...She is healthy considering she is underweight for her height and she has her virginity still in tact...Nothing else to report. She hasn't said a word...She looks so broken, Carlisle. I put her to sleep this morning and I reminded her that you and Frank will be seeing her tonight" Tess finished with watery eyes...It was remarkable how close she became with her patients and how much she cared about their welfare...It was what made her a fantastic nurse.

"Okay...Thank you, Tess...Would you like a tissue?" I asked reaching in to my draw for my box of Kleenex and putting it in front of her.

Tess smiled and took one out of the box wiping her eyes slightly "I am sorry, Carlisle I do not usually get emotional but there is something about this girl that makes me want to care for her...More so than any of my other patients and that's such an awful thing to say" Her voice choked at the end and I put my hand up to stop her.

"Tess...Never be afraid to shed a few tears in this office, there has of course been so many that I have lost count. It's only natural that you feel sadness sometimes it what makes us all human of course...Rest assured I will take it upon myself to look out for her as I would any other of my patients..No harm will come to her, you know that don't you?" I asked, keeping my voice steady as I myself felt slightly choked up at Tess's compassion.

Tess nodded "Thank you very much, Carlisle"

"You're always welcome" I replied.

Tess got up suddenly and brushed herself down, also putting the used tissue up her sleeve "well I must go...I have a busy morning ahead of me...Oh just to inform you that I took the diary from her this morning as she slept...I didn't want her to be uncomfortable as she was clutching it rather forcefully... it is on the bottom shelf of the reception desk..I haven't read it but if she worries about it being missing will you tell her that it is in safe hands? Could you also let me know how Isabella is tomorrow morning after you have seen her?" She asked still standing in front of my desk.

"Of course, Tess" I replied with a smile; the one thing I could also never take away from Tess was her inner strength, she really was a woman who didn't get enough credit in this hospital.

Without another word, Tess walked out of my office closing the door behind her. I immediately went to my work for the day...Feeling more apprehensive about meeting Isabella Swan.

(Evening)

I was walking down the corridor with Dr Albertson, clipboard and bag in hand; as we both made our way to Isabella's room...I felt slightly queasy as I exhaled in and out...This was normal for me with a new patient as you never knew how they were going to react to you. We walked in silence as we reached Isabella's room...Dr Albertson spoke as the regular squeak from the door rang through our ears..._I must oil that..._I thought to myself as we entered.

"Here is our newest patient, Isabella Swan...I completed all of her examinations just this morning and she arrived here last night" Dr Albertson spoke quietly as we both took in her still form on the bed.

Isabella Swan looked peaceful as slept; I imagined that she hadn't had many times in her life to fully embrace the peace and quiet. I took it upon myself before Dr Albertson woke her to take all of her in.

Isabella was of course, very skinny...Almost to the point of danger but that did not surprise me as I had already been told by Tess that she was thin but she had a very pleasant looking face...Her skin a pale ivory and her dark chocolate coloured hair contrasting her look. Her features were impressive and her complexion extremely clear and I found myself in awe of her...How could someone this fragile live in a life that she had led.. a traumatic life at that? It didn't make sense.

"Isabella?"Dr Albertson called quietly...I heard a soft murmur as she began to wake; almost immediately I noticed her hands moving on her chest which were still in the position from when the diary occupied them...I could only guess of course. I started to panic as her hands moved more quickly across her chest, on her lap and over to the sides of her bed almost frantically it was clear to me that she was looking for her diary...I looked at Dr Albertson who wasn't looking at me, but at Isabella.

"Isabella?" Dr Albertson called, once again going unnoticed as Bella had now leant over each sides of the bed gazing at the floor...I started to feel the need to comfort her and explain that we had the diary in our possession but I was too late when Isabella spoke suddenly.

"My Diary" She gasped, the wetness visible around her eyes and her breathing suddenly erratic with panic.

"It's alright, Isabella...We have your diary it is being kept safe for you until tomorrow" I told her wanting to soothe her and take the pain away – I could imagine how hard it must be for her dealing with such high emotion for someone as young as her...Young and confused and in a different country. She was British...I recognized that accent anywhere and it did suit her extremely well.

My words went unnoticed as she spoke again, almost to the point of shouting.

"You have no right to take it...Please give me back my diary" She pleaded the tears now falling down her face. She was right that we didn't have the right to take her diary and I instantly felt upset that we had betrayed her privacy like that but it was done with the best intentions and I could never argue with that.

"You can have it tomorrow, Isabella. You remember me? My name is Dr Albertson...You were with me for your tests earlier..." I had to hand it to Dr Albertson he was attempting to calm her down where I just stood there like a statue...It wasn't like me to be unprofessional but Tess was right there was something about this girl...I couldn't pinpoint it.

"PLEASE sir! I want my diary" her voice rang through the room; I didn't know what to do...She was in so much distress and all I wanted to do was throw my arms around her and cradle her like I would my own children.

"Isabella...Please?" Dr Albertson pleaded moving closer to her as I remained where I was by the door...I could feel her distress and I knew then and there that she would not calm down until she had her diary, it would make perfect sense that she would want the only possession she had with her at all times.

Before I could ask Dr Albertson to retrieve the diary, Isabella had thrown her legs off the bed with speed and had stormed towards me..She tripped and almost landed on her face on the hallway carpet before I placed my bag down and grabbed her arm before she reached the floor now feeling her sobs breaking through her body.

"You can't take it...It's all I have...I need it...PLEASE?!" her words almost vomiting out of her body as she stood still and tense. I was now wanting to keep her under my restrain, our patients were known for going to odd places when they were upset and a mere few never returning...I needed to protect this girl as weird as that sounded and I needed to calm her down if we were to get any sense out of her tonight.

Keeping my focus on her...I addressed Dr Albertson.

"Frank, go and get the diary...It will calm her down I will stay here and watch out for her until you get back" I felt her sigh underneath my hand and I instantly felt inner relief as she let herself go from my hold gently and stood back a few steps.

"You're probably right Carlisle; if I had known it was such an important possession to her I would never have asked Tess to take it from her. I will be right back." Dr Albertson said before opening the door to the familiar squeaking noise and closing it again.

Isabella was motionless...I moved the arm I had around her arm and gripped her shoulder the same way I had done to Esme this morning before I kissed her...Hoping that I was able to comfort her even in the smallest way.

Isabella found her legs and walked back away from me and over to the bed...She sat with her legs out and kept her gaze on the bed sheets beneath her. I could stay here watching her but that would be unprofessional...I spoke to her, then quietly.

"Isabella, my name is Carlisle...Would you mind if I sat down?" I said..She nodded a little in response I smiled at the fact that she was acknowledging my presence in the room.

"Thank You" I replied as softly as I could before reaching to grab my bag off of the floor to put it on the floor at the foot of her bed...Then grabbing the chair and putting it in front of her to sit down.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked her, unable of what to say or do in this moment...This was certainly not like me at all.

"Yes thank you" She answered I sighed internally that her voice was now at normal volume...I needed to explain to her, apologise for Tess's choice to take the diary away and maybe it would take away any views she may have on us taking things without permission...The last thing we needed as a hospital was a bad reputation although I was certain that Isabella Swan would never result to something like that...It never hurts to be cautious.

"I am sorry about your diary...Tess thought that you would be uncomfortable with it against your chest whilst you slept and she knew how you never let it out of your sight and so then decided it would be best if she kept it safe for you. Don't worry no one would dream of reading it without your say-so, Isabella." I explained...I could have sworn I saw the corners of her mouth turn upward after my somewhat babbled explanation but for now, I decided to let it go.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle-"She began to say before she silenced herself after saying my name...I realised why she had done it – Patients don't usually address us on a first-name basis but for Isabella I decided that if she felt more comfortable calling me Carlisle then I would let her do it...I smiled a little at her hesitancy, I couldn't help it...There was a charm about her.

"It's alright Isabella, you can call me Carlisle if you wish; I do not mind" I broke the silence with my own words...Waiting for another response.

"Okay...I was going to say sorry ...sir ...for my behaviour just now...I am not usually like that it's just...All of my memories are in that diary and it's the only thing I have left" I was amazed by how mature she spoke – for a fifteen year old it was impressive the only other teenager who radiated that kind of maturity was my own son, Edward and there was me thinking that no one would ever be able to match him.

"I understand perfectly...Diaries are important things and if anyone should know that it is me" I replied...Thinking about Edward, who had taken to writing in diaries for most of his life; There wasn't anyone who had read his own diaries either.

"So what did you and Dr Albertson need me for, sir?" Isabella asked me after a moment.

I was about to answer her when Dr Albertson came back, the door squeaking upon impact. I kept my focus on Isabella who had looked up now at Dr Albertson relief washing over her tensed face...It was vital that no one else take that diary from her again. She took the diary instantly the moment Frank held it out to her..Clutching it to her chest and rocking backwards and forth slightly...I had never once seen this before – Isabella was indeed no ordinary fifteen year old...That I knew for certain. I smiled at Frank as he took his place beside me; I looked back over at Isabella who was studying my face. I remained still during her observation so I did not scare her...I wondered what she was thinking...If only I knew.

"Frank, Isabella has just asked me what we need her for...I imagine that she does not know what a round is." I spoke to Frank but kept my gaze on Isabella who was still studying me.

"There is nothing to worry about, Isabella...We just come round every night to our patients to make sure that they are okay and if they have eaten...And whether or not they would like to speak to us about anything that is bothering them. It's pretty simple, my dear." Dr Albertson replied his pen scratching on the paper he retrieved from her bed; his focus remained on the clipboard as he spoke. I took the chance to speak to her as Frank was in concentration.

"Luckily for you, Isabella....Oh wait I just remembered Tess was telling me that you prefer to be called Bella. Is that right?" I asked, instantly remembering my conversation with Tess.

"Yes that is right" She answered softly.

I was once again; interrupted when opening my mouth to say something and it was Frank's pager I always knew that sound I saw Isabella flinch at the sound slightly.

"I am sorry Dr Cullen" Dr Albertson said as he grabbed his pager from his side pocket and stared at the screen "There is an emergency with a patient on the fourth floor...Could you possibly carry out the rest of the round with Isabella?"

Me...On my own with Isabella....That would be fine. I nodded and replied "Of course, Frank"

Frank put the clipboard in its original holder between my legs and spoke again "My apologies, Isabella...If there are any problems, Carlisle, then you know what to do" Frank opened the door and stared back at me.

"Yes, Frank I will do that if necessary". I answered as the door then squeaked closed...There was no way I would have any difficulty with Isabella and I would fight to try and calm her down if she was upset...She did not deserve 'The Cell'.

I was now alone with Isabella, she looked around the room no doubt to escape my gaze on her...I looked at her form again and alarm bells rang as I imagined she must not have eaten since she came here...Luckily I had Esme's sandwich in my bag from this morning.

"Well, Bella...Seeing as I am going to be here with you for a while, I feel that I should give you a little something" I said as I reached in my bag which was still on the floor. I quickly found the sandwich and held it out to Bella. I saw her confusion.

"It's alright, Bella...It's a sandwich...One of my wife's best recipes, actually....I do not want you collapsing on me from starvation...Here, take It." she took the sandwich reluctantly and unwrapped it.

Isabella held the sandwich inches from her mouth and looked at me once more; I smiled and nodded for her to continue. She near-attacked the food and it made me feel regretful that she hadn't been given or offered any food earlier...I shook away that train of thought and said the first things that came into my head.

"Yes, its good isn't it? Esme is a great cook – Just one of the things I love about her. I am sorry I do not have anything else on me...I wouldn't mind going down to the canteen and asking them for something if you wish?" I asked her, needing to make sure that she knew we were there to take care of her at all times.

With a large gulp she swallowed the remains of the sandwich down licking her lips once it all gone.

"No thank you, sir" She answered, smiling properly now. "How long have you been married, sir?" she suddenly asked me, surprising me a little.

"Oh a long time...I am not one of those men who says that it only feels like yesterday since he got married because that is not true in the slightest...And I have three children to prove my age anyway so I wouldn't be able to get away with that excuse if I tried." I chuckled slightly...as Isabella looked away obviously in thought about something...What could she be thinking?!

"How old are you Bella?" I asked her frankly.

"I am fifteen, sir....Sixteen next month" she answered with a groan; she wasn't no doubt the only young girl not wanting to grow up. I immediately thought of Edward once more.

"You're a year younger than my son, Edward...He is much more of a tough one to handle as I imagine you would be. My daughter, Alice is almost seventeen and my eldest, Emmet has just turned nineteen." I explained...I had never spoken about my children in this way with a younger person before and it felt kind of relieving.

"What are they like, Sir?" She asked.

"Brilliant...They all are in their own way. Alice is an avid lover of fashion...Constantly reading magazines and sketching her own designs...She is also the only member of our family who could spend their lives in a mall. Emmett is a sportsman, quarterback to his team and has many awards to show his achievements...He is a bit of a ladies' man and likes to think that he is the best but he is a kind young man once you get past the heightened ego. Edward is the musician...Always playing on his piano and he is an academic genius...He is very unpredictable sometimes as one minute he will be with you talking like I am to you now and the other he will be locked away in his room in silence...He is a very thoughtful boy but at times I never know what to do with him. I am hoping that he grows out of it, of course." I told her, she smiled again back at me and went off on another thought shower.

"Is it true that you have been put on the list for the Port Angeles adoption agency, Bella?" I asked, bringing her back slightly out of her daydream.

"Yes, sir. ...Tess told me that my name had been put down seeing as I was still a child" she told me.

_I wonder....I wonder....No I would have to ask Esme...I have tonight to do that_...I battled with my head and the situation in front of me...I needed to speak to my family.

"Yes...Well I should let you get some sleep, would you like me to come and check on you in the morning or would you prefer Dr Albertson to do it?" I asked her as I stood up from the chair and placed it down in the corner of the room.

"You, please sir? If that is not too much trouble" She replied

I smiled again at her...Touched by her response I was pleased that I was able to calm her down..I shook my head "It's never any trouble, Bella" because it was not...If anything I would prefer to do it than Frank...I walked over to the door, pulled it open and stood from outside of it to glance at Bella.

"One more thing..." I began

"Yes, sir" she answered eagerly

"Please call me Carlisle" I told me with a smile.

Bella smiled back "Okay, Carlisle" I closed the door.

It was official...Isabella Swan was going to change my life...I needed to speak to my family, first but I was almost certain that this was the beginning of a very different life for me.

*~Bella~*

I lay awake a few hours after Dr Cullen left clutching my diary in my arms pausing to take out the picture I drew of my mother and holding it to me as well...I knew that Dr Cullen was now going to be the main person I would talk to about any problems I may have about anything....He made me feel safe and I had to make the most out of feeling safe until I would be adopted by a new family...Although I shouldn't get too attached as I will only end up hurting more when I have to say goodbye to him, forever.

**Thanks to 'memalou' and 'Kiss007' for their reviews!**

**Next chapter will be the P.O.V of our own Prince charming himself that is Edward :D!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**.S. x**


	4. Edward

**Songs for this chapter:**

***I'm just a kid – Simple Plan***

***Sooner or later – Breaking Benjamin***

***Bruised – Jack's Mannequin***

***Welcome to my life – Simple Plan***

**I am aware that most of the songs don't fit the story but they do wonders for when I have writers-block :D! **

*~Edward~*

_Smack that all on the floor_

_Smack that, give me some more_

_Smack that all on the floor_

_Smack that, Oh_

My phone blared to life the vibrations reaching my ears...I knew instantly who it was as I had every contact under a specific song of my own choosing...It was the infamous Jessica Stanley no doubt wanting me...As if last night did pleasure her enough for a couple of days at least...! Fair enough we just made out seeing as my dad was a Doctor and I don't want him hearing rumours that his (at the moment) underage son is sexually active. There is no such thing as a secret living in Forks. I groaned throwing my arms around my head and grabbing my pillow and throwing it across the room, having no idea where it landed. I sat up forcefully feeling flustered and grabbed the phone off of my bedside table and didn't bother looking at the screen...Instead just pressing the 'reject' button. _Well I am up now thanks to miss neediness_...I stumbled out of bed clumsily...My head throbbing more as I got to standing _damn liqueur_ I cursed to myself as I went into my bathroom and had a shower...I had to get the smell of my shower gel on me to make me feel like I wanted to be alive for the day ahead and if I was going to last five minutes in my OWN company let alone with anyone else's.

Once I was showered I made no immediate effort with my clothing, pulling out a dark green jumper almost absent-mindedly and grabbing my usual jeans from my drawer...I threw my boxers from last night in my hamper at the corner of my room and was interrupted by the sound of my door crashing against the wall...I turned gasping from the shock.

"Good morning, Sleeping beauty" my sister Alice sang at me with her annoyingly high-pitched voice...I could handle her voice after midday but not before.

"Alice..." I sighed positioning myself to fully face her now with a scowl on my face.

"Ahh Edward I see you have been lacking somewhat in the sleeping department...That wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Jessica Stanley now would it?" Alice asked me her eyebrow rising as she mentioned Jessica's name. If there is anyone in the world capable of making someone majorly pissed off in the morning it would be Alice...She seemed to have an amazing aptitude to wind me up each and every day of our lives.

"What makes you think that it is any of your business, Alice?" I replied to her...Just wanting her to disappear and stay out of my way until we reached the school environment.

"Come on Edward....Do you honestly think that Jess Stanley is a match for you, can you see this as a long-haul thing?" Alice replied...Going all cupid on me once again.

"Alice...Fortunately for some of us, we do not need to look for soul-mates...We have no desire to make a commitment to any kind of girl and so we can have as much fun as we want without any unwanted feelings or emotions flying to the surface." I pinched the bridge of my nose as my head throbbed more violently.

"Okay Edward...But believe me when I say that you will fall in love...And I mean really fall IN love with someone and those words will come back and bite you on that toned behind of yours and I will have the enjoyment of standing by and watching you fall!" Alice said forcefully before skipping out of my room leaving me standing there more annoyed than I had been when Jessica had woke me up.

Love? There was no such thing....I loved my family of course but I am not 'in-love' with them...I do not know whether anyone is in love...I think they just get bored and get married because either they feel the need to as they are reaching the 'golden years' of their lives or whatever it is they call it these days...I call marriage boredom because no one has anyone else that is better for them and so they choose second-best.

I grabbed my keys and phone from my bedside table and went out up the stairs to the fourth floor which had only one room in it and this was the only room in the house where I wouldn't be disturbed by anyone else.

I stared at my piano feeling a tinge of sadness as I hadn't played it in so long...my mother, Esme always praised my playing and after a while I got sick of it...I suffered writers block because I had no other important person in my life to write about...Let's just say every member of my family has their own piece of classical music and now I was stuck for inspiration.

I walked over to lift up the dusty lid and wiped the keys with the back of one of my sleeves and sat down causing the stool to creak and wobble slightly underneath my weight...I had no idea about what I was going to play...I had hundreds of pieces of sheet music stored up here but seeing as I didn't have the time this morning I went with a song that described Esme (Esme's lullaby) I wrote this piece for her when she was in hospital one year and now she cannot seem to get through a day without it being in her head, if I am not playing it she is humming it as she flits around the house.

I was half-way into the song when Emmett's booming voice took me out of my trance

"OI PAVAROTTI...Hurry up man I got practice early this morning and if you want to carpool with me then you better get going!"

I groaned and slammed both hands on the keys...I swear I can never have a moment alone to myself in this house especially not at the moment as Emmett was grounded by my dad last night; Now him and his piece on the side, Rosalie will be spreading their DNA all over this house...I cringed at the thought and pulled down the lid.

Grabbing my bag I went back down to the second floor to Alice's room; I knocked on the door and opened it not waiting for her to respond...Jesus, Alice's room was torture! PINK....EVERYWHERE luckily I had only been in her room a few times so my eye-sight hadn't been affected in the long term.

Alice was sitting on the stool of her vanity unit putting on a nude colour lip gloss when she smiled at me, took the brush-thing away from her lips and back in the bottle...rubbing both the upper and lower parts of her lips together and then facing me in the mirror.

"What is it, little brother?" Alice asked with a mischievous smile on her face

"Are you heading to school or what?" I asked dully, still mad at her from this morning.

"Yes, Jasper should be here in a moment to drive me....Did you want a ride or something?" Alice replied.

"No, Emmett's driving me...Thanks for the offer though, Alice" I told her, curving my mouth up at how both Alice and Emmett looked after me, we may want to hit and break each other most of the time but we know that if anything bad happened we would always be there for each other...That was what family was all about...Right?

"You're welcome, Edward...Listen could you do me a massive favour today?" Alice asked me swinging her legs from around her chair to full face me but still remaining to sit.

"Of course, Alice what is it?" I asked leaning myself against her door frame.

"I have a media thing last period and I won't be home until late...If dad comes home will you tell him that I am still at school, please?" Alice asked pouting her lips and fluttering her eyelashes at me.

Alice may be annoying but the one thing I could never resist was her puppy-dog eyes and pout face and it had always annoyed me because she knew what she could do, she knew what she wanted and she always knew how to get it....No matter what the cost was to the people she influenced....It was her boyfriend, Jasper who I felt the most sorry for after all he spent the most time with her...I have never seen any guy so pussy-whipped by a girl in my life so I reckon he has dug himself that hole voluntarily..._Better him than me._

I eyed Alice suspiciously as I thought about the after-school activities held in school...I was one of the most avid members of after-school activities and clubs purely because I didn't like being at home every night and I have never recalled seeing the Media and Technical Arts advertising for a club after school...If I knew that they did my name would have been the top of the sign-up list before it had even been pinned properly to the wall.

"Alice...You know that there isn't an after-school club for the Media department don't you?" I told her in the most persuasive voice I thought possible.

"Yes, Edward I am aware of that...I have an assignment to do" Alice said her eyes now avoiding my gaze...There is only one meaning when that happens and that is that she lying.

"Alice...Just tell me the truth, I won't tell dad if that's what you prefer" I told her, I never understood why both Alice and Emmett think that everything they tell me would reach my dad's ears...I remember sometimes being a snitch as I kid but come on...I have grown up of that now and besides I had way too much information on Alice and Emmett..Stuff that they don't even know I know about and I doubt that my dad would believe me if I tried.

"Okay...You have to promise you won't tell dad, but me and Jasper are going on a date"! Alice squealed with a huge grin on her face.

"Um...Alice haven't you been like going out for a year? I thought dates were what happened at the BEGINNING of a relationship." I told her, confused...Why bother with dating when you have already ended up in a relationship...Staying in is the better option – it saves money and time.

"That shows just how much you know, Casanova...Besides we haven't had time to spend on our own lately" Alice replied that pout appearing when she mentioned that both her and Jasper never had time together...Well that was definitely bullshit the two of them were in-separate I doubt even a murderer with a chain-saw could break them away from each other.

"You have spent time together here, every night for the past week....!" I exhaled

"Edward, do I really have to spell it out for you....We need....TIME....TOGETHER.....With each other." Alice replied emphasising her words when then it hit me...Alice was talking about her and Jasper...Alone...._UGH! _I felt my stomach flip and extreme nausea hit me like a thunderbolt...I couldn't move... I was frozen like an idiot unable to say anything.

"There you go...You catch on fast little bro...So you promise you won't tell dad?" Alice asked...Fighting back her laughter by biting her lips together tightly.

I nodded as she then giggled and skipped up out of her stool, grabbed her bag and walked out her room and down the stairs...I was still leaning against the door frame..._For god sake Edward pull yourself together_..I snapped out of my haze although I would have done better without having that mental image of my sister in my head all day...The idea of her just kissing Jasper makes me gag. I picked up my bag once more and practically ran down the stairs to find Jasper in the living room, his hair soaked from the rain outside...Could he be any quieter? There are detectives in the secret service who could enter rooms louder than he could and that was saying something...Alice was running her hands through his hair and giggling uncontrollably.

I got to the foot of the stairs "Alice...Come on, haven't I suffered enough from our episode just now...Go and make out in the car or something"! I demanded just desperately needing her to stay out of my way until after lunch then I could find her company bearable again.

"You're just jealous little brother" Alice squeaked the sound hitting my ears and my still-throbbing head.

"Oh yes because I heartily desire that it be me snogging the face off of Jasper and not you" I replied sarcastically...Alice stuck her tongue out and without another word stepped out of the front door arm in arm with Jasper and closing the door as they went.

Waiting for Emmett to come down...I went to the kitchen and opened our medicine cabinet pulling out a tube of Tylenol and placing it on the side...I then grabbed a glass and poured some tap water into it. I swallowed the tablets and put the tube back into the cupboard and the now empty glass on the draining board.

"You ready then, mate?" Emmett asked as I turned to find him at the door with his rucksack in his hand...My mom, Esme had also entered the room and smiled at both of us as she went straight to the fridge to get the food out for tonight.

"Bye, mom" I called to Esme as I walked out of the door but Emmett was out of there so fast I didn't have time to hear a reply.

Emmett climbed into his 4x4 Jeep and threw his rucksack on the floor of the passenger side, I then climbed in and put my bag next to his...Emmett sighed and turned on the radio, blaring it at full volume thank god I had taken pain killers.

"Can you believe that I am grounded for two weeks!" Emmett huffed as he turned the key into the ignition and backed out of our driveway.

"Emmett you did attack Newton pretty bad...besides you know dad, one minute he says you're grounded and the next he is saying that you should go to a party...He will forget about it soon enough no doubt coming home tonight and telling us about his stories in the world of medicine" I answered him with some element of truth.

"I guess you're right, it just doesn't help that Rosalie's parents have their anniversary this week and I probably won't be able to go." Emmet replied sighing...I knew the one thing to do with Emmett is to calm him down, I have been hurt many times due to him having a bad mood about the life that he leads. Emmett was brilliant when he had something to take his anger out on like a football or a punch bag without them it's hard to determine where he is going to go.

"I am sure that you will find some way to make it up to her, man"

"Aw Eddie, you cracked a dirty joke...Well done my friend, it looks like both myself and Alice are finally rubbing our influences off on you" Emmett answered with a tone of pride. Trust him to turn something completely normal into sex.

"Yeah, sure you have" I answered back with sarcasm.

"Well there is always that Jessica Stanley...If I were a few years younger I'd tap that...Don't you dare run off and tell Rosalie that!"

"Emmett I can barely stand to be in the same room as your girlfriend so actually striking up a conversation is something that wouldn't happen if the world was covered with piss and she lived in a tree!" I answered him. Emmett chuckled and continued on to the main route to school.

I have no real HATE for Rosalie, because that was a strong word but she was awful in the way that she acted. Her and Emmett were a very similar match in the way that both of them act like the people they are not in school and they never let their inner selves out even to their own families and I guess in a way, that is a good way to go through life but I would personally be hated for what I am then liked for something I am not. Rosalie was no doubt, beautiful and I had to give that to her...People like Kate Moss would shiver in their designer boots if Rosalie burst onto the runaway but she did not have the personality to match.

I was a fine one to preach...Jessica Stanley was known as the school 'whore' and I knew in the back of my mind that hanging around with her on my arm was something that the men would hate and the girls would hate...It was a lose-lose situation...I suppose I am just with her to have someone on my arm...Thinking that maybe it would give me power or take away some of the loneliness I felt inside that never showed itself to either my friends or family. I make up all these opinions about not wanting to commit...But now as I am getting older I am inclined to think that it wouldn't be so bad....I mean it wouldn't...Would it?

Emmett pulled up into the school parking lot and parked his car next to Jasper's...Rosalie was standing at the school gate with a cigarette and I climbed out of the car and grabbed my bag quickly so that I wouldn't get locked in.

I walked past Emmett and Rosalie who were re-connecting their mouths and into the main corridor to my locker...Opening it to put my bag in, taking out my biology and physics textbooks for the first and second periods.

The day went by extremely quickly...Before I knew it, the bell had gone for lunch and I was heading into the cafeteria to our usual table at the very back of the room away from the wannabes and freaks that populated Forks High School...Alice and Jasper were already there as they both waved to me as I sat down in my usual seat.

"Hey, Edward" Jasper greeted me with a smile, I may not like Rosalie but Jasper was a good guy, quiet but a good guy all the same.

"Hey Jasper, how's your mum doing now...I heard about your Grandmother from our dad...I am sorry, man"

"Thanks buddy, she's doing okay at the moment...The only thing we can do is wait for it all the grief to end" Jasper was smart, that I could never deny.

"EDWARD!" I heard that screechy voice from all the way over the other side of the cafeteria and recognised it immediately...Jessica!

Jessica had sprinted from the her table, at least attempting to considering she had stilettos on and stood in front of me, almost flying on her face in the process.

"I rang you this morning, pookie...I missed you" Ugh if there was one thing I didn't like was pet-names.

"Hi Jessica" I greeted her sully I was in no mood to justify why I had not answered her call, I didn't need to...People like her don't care about real things they just want their needs met...In any way possible near stalking you until you do.

"I had fun last night...Maybe we could do it again sometime" She gave me a flutter of her eyelashes and edged towards me with her hips out...I stood up abruptly making her jump.

"Listen, I was drunk Jessica...Alcohol can do wonders when people need to get laid and I don't think I will be able to schedule another time because well...I don't feel like it and I will probably end up practising for the school choir because that would be SO much more cooler than being with you...Go find some other moron to persuade...I am sure it won't take much on your part." I told her before storming out to the mutters of other students and feeling the stares at the back of head.

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best come-back or even the best way to handle a situation like that but I was not in the mood for Jessica Stanley this morning...I had too many things going around in my head. I stormed down to the music room, closing the door behind me.

I walked out to the parking lot at the end of final period to the looks of Alice and Emmett who were leaning against their cars...I exhaled loudly before reaching them.

"Listen, Edward I think you hurt Jessica's feelings back there" Emmett said with sarcasm fighting back laughter...No doubt Alice would have informed him of lunch time...I smiled thankful that Emmett could always crack a joke at the worst of times.

"I am proud of you, Edward...I think my words affected you this morning" Alice sang in her soprano voice.

"Don't count on it, Alice...But thanks" I replied to her, smiling a little as she responded and nodded her head in understanding that I did not want to take that conversation any further. Alice then climbed into her car and pulled out of the lot, her Taylor Swift music blaring all the way to the main road.

Emmett had a disgusted look on her face "Great girl when it comes to fashion, awful taste in music" he chuckled heartedly at our sister's ridicule...I chuckled in response and we both climbed into Emmett's jeep without another word.

It was around half seven before my dad came home from work...We were all sitting at the dinner table waiting for him, I was gnawing on a breadstick because my mom had this rule about not touching our knives and forks until everyone was seated (this was of course, with the exception of Alice who was still around Jasper's)...My dad entered with a smile on his face.

"Hello everyone" He greeted us all warmly...Walking over to kiss my mom on the cheek and then taking his place at the table...Emmett had grabbed his knife and fork and had already started indulging in his food, I was more occupied with my breadstick at the moment.

"So I have some news..." My father began, barely taking a bite of his food before placing his cutlery back down again. Emmett groaned under his breath but I was the only one who could hear him, I smiled at him and then turned to face my father.

"I was going to have this conversation with Esme on our own but I figure you are all old enough now...Wait a minute, where's Alice?" My father asked his eyebrows burrowing in confusion as he looked over at Alice's empty seat.

"She had an assignment....She should be back any moment" I replied trying to prevent panic.

"Ahh I see...Well you will just have to fill her in but...How would you feel if I adopted someone to join the family" Dad asked.

There was an awkward silence as we all registered what he had just said...Someone else? To join the family...I am all for it as long as I don't have to be the youngest anymore but glancing over at my mom and Emmett I don't think that it was going to go down as well.

"Well, I think it is a brilliant idea, my darling!" My mom almost squealed...Always the earth-mother and still now, there was no exception to that. Dad and mom shared a content glance across the table as we waited on Emmett.

"Yeah, dad that would be cool" Emmett answered, still occupying himself with his food.

"Will you tell us a little bit about her Carlisle? It is a her right?" My mom asked...I could sense that she would prefer another girl as her and Alice were both outnumbered.

"Yes it is a girl, she is my newest patient actually...Her name is Isabella Swan" Dad began.

Isabella Swan? That was an unusual name to say the least...I am sure I would get used to it however..."She is under our care due to being taken away from her alcoholic mother...I can't quite pin-point it Esme, but there is something about this girl that I like immensely and I am almost certain that she will get along with you and Alice" There was something about this Isabella Swan...My dad was right, his facial expression almost seemed to light up when he talked about her and if anyone could have that effect on my dad...Let's just say they were a keeper.

"I will have to undergo the normal procedure in Port Angeles but considering the fact that we have adopted before...It shouldn't be a problem." My dad finished...It's true that both Emmett and I were adopted from the ages of four and seven but neither of us knew about our old lives and we didn't need to..We were well looked after by Esme and Carlisle and they are now officially our parents going under the names of 'mom and dad'. I couldn't help feeling regretful that this Isabella Swan hadn't had an easy life...It's hard knowing that the people who brought you up weren't connected to you by blood but I would rather have Esme and Carlisle than be living by myself making my life harder.

"Well...Carlisle, I look forward to meeting our new daughter" my mom beamed...That smile was priceless and I haven't seen her smile like that in a while. Isabella Swan was already proving to be a hit before she had even walked through the door.

We ate the rest of our dinner in silence, Emmett had gone upstairs to his bedroom after receiving a call from Rosalie beforehand...I was now in the living room flipping through the channels on the TV whilst lounging on the sofa when Alice burst through the door.

"Thank you for that, Edward!" She said as she took a place next to me smiling brightly.

"No problem, Alice. Have you seen mom and dad?" I asked her smiling back

"No...Why?" She replied, now looking at me slightly confused.

"There is to be a new member of the family" I replied feeling apprehensive of her reaction just as I had done with my mom and Emmett.

"Really?" Alice beamed...The same look as Esme, which made sense considering that Alice was the only child of Carlisle and Esme biologically.

"Yeah, dad came home and asked us how we would feel if he adopted another girl...Some new patient of his...Isabella Swan is her name" I continued failing to keep a straight face as the now wideness of Alice's smile.

"Wow! I will have a sister...Oh this is great, I will go and talk to dad now and then ring up Jasper...I will have a shopping buddy at last!" She sang her voice bouncing off of the walls in an echo...Alice shot up and ran out of the room without another word as I smiled contently and continued to flip through the channels of our TV.

It was official now that Isabella Swan was ALREADY a member of our family.


	5. Saying goodbye?

**Hi guys...I am back again with chapter 5**

**I am aware that some people have favourite this story and put them onto alerts...THANK YOU SO MUCH for that, I am always apprehensive about new chapters because I am a newbie and all that but I appreciate the support...Immensely. x x**

**Songs for this chapter: 3**

***Midnight Hour – Running Away***

***Reba McIntire and Linda Davis – Does he love you***

***Michelle Featherstone – Go on, my child***

***Rascal Flatts – My Wish***

***Maybe by Yiruma was also a very good emotional instrumental for this chapter***

*~Bella~*

(A month later)

Well its official...I have been at Sandgrove for a month now and I already feel like I belong for the first time in my life. I loved my mom and we had fun together but I was never sure what kind of mood she would be in when I got home and whether I should go and hideaway or stay with her and talk. Dr Carlisle Cullen has been amazing to me; Opening up to me and giving me the choice to open up in return...His children were so lucky to have someone like him in their lives and I hoped that my new family would offer the same support and love me in the same way.

I haven't met any other people in here – Its not because I don't want to it's because I wouldn't know what to say...They are suffering from bigger issues than me and I don't want to make them uncomfortable...Instead I stayed in my room and put in regular updates to my diary...Which was now getting very full.

I was adding tone to my latest drawing when there was a soft knock at my door...

"Come in" I answered freely, I am used to people now coming back and forth and in and out of my room...Well I say everyone I didn't have any visitors and the only people who did see me were Carlisle and Dr Albertson but their visits were more medical-related. The door opened now finally free from the squeak which Carlisle had sorted out for me with a can of oil one morning....It made me sleep a lot better than I had in my first week here. Tess poked her head around the corner and gave me a wide smile.

"Hello Beautiful Bella" She greeted me cheerfully "Can I come and talk to you for a second?"

"Yes" I replied. Grateful for the company.

Tess walked in and took the same seat from the corner of the room...I smiled inside at wondering just how many people have sat in that chair before I came here and also how many would occupy it when I left...Tess sat down and sighed before placing her hands in her lap to sit more formally...I giggled at her as she seemed to have done it to make me laugh, it is very hard to keep a straight face when you are around Tess...Every time she is happy it is infectious and instantly rub off everyone else and I was no exception.

"Now Bella Notte...I have some news for you" Tess started a look of excitement in her features...Did she just call me Bella Notte? I don't know what that means but it is a new name for me all the same.

"There has been a development in your adoption process...It appears that a family has been approved and they will be your new family as of next week!" She squealed smiling in anticipation for my reply.

I couldn't find any words...I was so grateful for the chance to have someone who wanted me in their family but it dawned on me that I would be leaving Dr Cullen and that thought alone was unbearable.

I felt the tears prickle in my eyes as I blinked rapidly to get rid of them...Tess grabbed my hand from the top of my diary and took it into hers.

"Bella, honey don't cry...There's nothing to worry about you are going to a fantastic family one of the best in Forks" She rubbed my hand in comfort but I was too busy looking down at the bed sheets to notice.

"Please look at me, Bella?" She pleaded the worry flowing out in her voice...It took me a few minutes to find the strength to move...I felt numb and not in a good way. I looked up at Tess who was biting her lower lip no doubt trying to fight back the tears herself...There was no way that she was able to feel my pain but I loved her for trying to understand.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Bella? I can't imagine how scared you must be feeling right now-" Tess began until I finally found my voice and broke her off.

"Where's Forks?" I asked...I needed to show interest in my soon-to-be new family, maybe that would make saying goodbye to Sandgrove a bit easier...._I hope so_!

"Forks is a small town...About half an hour from here not a very big population I would say around three thousand two hundred people but that is just a guess" Tess explained gripping my hand tighter.

"What are they like...The family?" I asked Tess.

"They are very highly respected...I believe the head of the family is in medicine as well...I can't remember what his first name was but his surname is Masen...There are three children around the same age as you and they go to the local school – there is another school on the La Push reservation a few miles away but all of the children go to the main one as it is closer to where they live I would imagine".

Isabella Marie Masen...Hmm I don't think I would want to have another person's name in front of the two my mother gave me...God I wished that she was here....Could she be thinking about me right now as I was thinking about her?

"Are you afraid, Bella?" Tess asked changing the subject of our conversation.

"No" I answered shaking my head a little..."It's just I will miss Dr Cullen he has been so nice to me and I have been in good hands here" I said trying to steady my words.

" I understand, Bella it is only natural that you would latch on to someone given that kind of support...Rest assured that once you leave you will be in contact with Dr Cullen" She said.

That is true, I could get hold of his number from someone when I left but it wasn't the same thing as being with them every day.

"Well I best get going with my round...Dr Cullen will visit you later on, Bella" Tess put the chair back in the corner and blew me a kiss before walking out the door and closing it after her...I sunk back onto my bed and rolled over to my side.

How on earth was I was going to be able to say goodbye?

( Evening)

I woke up dazed and groggy stretching myself out and pulling myself up to seating...I gasped loudly as I saw that Carlisle was sitting in the seat at the foot of the bed.

"Sorry Bella, I have only just come in...I was about to wake you" He said with a crooked smile I shook my head trying to restart my heart somehow.

"That's okay Dr Cullen...I knew that you were coming, I am sorry you came here to find me asleep" I tried to explain until Carlisle held up a hand to stop me.

"It's quite alright Bella I have seen a lot worse when I enter a patient's room...believe me."

"So what can I do for you, Dr Cullen?" I asked

"Well I came here because I need to check your weight again today...So will you come with me to the medical room?" He asked me.

I pulled my legs from around the bed and stood up taking my diary and placing it on the bedside table...Carlisle stood up and left the chair at the foot of the bed...I looked at him and he sensed my apprehension.

"So many people put it back in the corner but we will be coming back here so I figure I would just leave it there" He chuckled as he opened the door for me gesturing for me to step out, I did with him in close pursuit closing the door.

The hallways were no longer as scary as they were when Tess walked me down here the first night and having Dr Cullen with me took the edge off a little. There were a few people whom I didn't know walking towards us they both smiled in turn at Doctor Cullen and then walked straight past...I looked up at Doctor Cullen to find him looking content.

"Are you used to it, sir?" I asked him after a moment

"Used to what, Bella?" He asked looking down at me

"People saying hello to you everywhere you go...Smiling at you all the time" I said...Trying to find the right way to get my head around what I had just said.

"It comes with the job, Bella...When you have been a Doctor as long as I have it begins to take its toll" He chuckled...I remained quiet until we reached the medical room further down the corridor and stepped inside.

Carlisle turned on the light and I squinted a little at the intensity and the effect they had on my eyes, Carlisle wasted no time in walking over to the other side of the room and rolling the scales over to the centre of the room. He looked at me.

"Come and step on here, Bella" I walked over feeling silly that I had remained still and hopped onto the scales...I had never bothered to look at my weight because I never felt the need to...I looked around the room as Carlisle moved the measurement across the scales.

"You are still underweight, Bella...Although you have gained more weight that when you first arrived....Well done for that" I smiled although in truth I hadn't eaten much at all just drank lots of water to keep myself going...I never ate much as a child and it seems like my metabolism is still the same as it was when I was growing up...I didn't mind because I was always slender...I got that from my mom and as for my dad, well I had never met him...I wouldn't know what size he was.

"Okay hop down for me and sit on the bed, please Bella" Carlisle asked, snapping me out of the daydream and I stepped down and sat on the iron bed as Carlisle wheeled over the equipment.

"Do you mind if I pull your sleeve up, Bella?" He asked and I nodded still thinking about my mother. Carlisle lifted my sleeve gently and wrapped the equipment around my arm...He then took out a remote from the side of the machine and pressed a button.

"This might hurt a little but it won't last long" He assured me as the wrap began to tighten...It did hurt a lot but I had them done before in the last month I just don't think that having my blood pressure taken is something that I am never going to get used to.

The tightening ceased as I felt the thumping of my heart in my chest...I breathed steadily not liking the awkward silence.

"Okay...Perfectly normal, Bella." Carlisle informed as he took the wrapping off and pulled my sleeve back down...I shivered under his touch a little and then sobbed quietly...I couldn't help it...I felt bad that I have shown far too many tears in this place but never seeing Carlisle again in the same proximity was torture.

"Bella...What is it? Did I hurt you?" Carlisle asked, worry in his voice.

"I'm....Going to....Be....Adopted" I squeaked out barely audibly.

"Really....That's wonderful Bella" Carlisle replied as I looked up into his face...Tears still rolling down my face and stinging my skin...Carlisle looked genuinely happy, but I didn't want him to be happy...I wanted him to be sad like I was....But he was a doctor and he was only a natural thing that he be happy his patients were leaving his care.

"Are you upset about that, Bella?" He asked, his face burrowing a little with confusion...God if only I knew what he was thinking...Whether it was all an act him being happy for me or whether or not he was being genuine.

"A little...Their name is Masen – That's all I know, really...Apart from the fact that I am going to have three siblings" I replied....Carlisle's face still unchanged.

"Bella...This is one of the best opportunities for you...I can understand how it isn't your mother and your life will be changed in a very big way...But you will be alright, Bella...I know you will" Carlisle answered smiling at me tentatively as he finished...More sobs broke through as my gaze went to the floor...I can't look at that smile...I can't look at him....This is too painful! Why does everything have to be so painful?

How can I feel so at home with a man who I met a month ago...Is this what they call attraction or is it just an amount of feelings which lead to feeling safe and secure in your own skin...I didn't know....I just didn't know.

"How do you know that, Carlisle?" I asked, unable to look at him, still.

Carlisle sighed and grabbed my arm tightly...I was still unable to move.

"There are some things us Doctors just know, Bella. The fact that you have been able to stay here for a month; which I know is not an ideal place to be makes me believe that you will be able to face situations that are much worse...Whether you realise you are strong right now is another matter entirely." Carlisle consoled me as I was motionless under his touch.

"Carlisle...I don't know whether I can" I told him, my voice hitting the floor instead of the air around me.

"Bella, what is it you can't do?" Carlisle asked rubbing his hand along my arm as a sort of comfort.

"I can't....I mean it's not that I can't....I don't think I can say goodbye to you, Doctor Cullen" I confessed to him instantly wanting to bury my face in my hands or crawl into a hole.

Carlisle was silent for a few moments...My heart was thumping in my chest and my hands began to shake violently in my lap.

"Bella..." He began before I cut him off with looking back into his face...I could feel my eyes beginning to sting with the amount of tears I had shed but he needed to know...I needed to tell him grateful I was that he was there for me when other people probably would have chosen not to and not because it was his job but because he genuinely cared and that meant more to me than just having someone check me out daily and never having the closeness that we had.

"Would it be wrong for me to hug you, Carlisle?" I managed to choke out...I couldn't see his face as clearly anymore and I was suddenly grateful because I imagined now that he would be disgusted by my behaviour...This wasn't what patients should do.

Carlisle exhaled again and pulled my arm he had a grasp on and pulled me fully into his chest...His smell...God it was beautiful...Like a mix of lavender and musk...With all the strength I could manage I pulled myself further into him...Crying into his chest and he rocked me back and forth and touched my hair in various parts...I tensed my fingers into his back making the moment last longer.

"Thank you for everything, Carlisle...I will always be grateful for having met you" I said through violent sobs.

"Bella...Meeting you has made my job so much more enjoyable...I will always keep in touch with you and if you are ever on the outside and want to come here anytime – my office is always open to you." Carlisle said as he put his head on mine...His voice was steady and not overcome with emotion like mine was – Maybe that was against what Doctors stood for...Maybe they weren't allowed to show emotion to their patients...How would I know?!

"I am sorry for this, Carlisle...I thought I could handle it but I can't" I placed my head on his shoulder feeling the material of his white jacket underneath.

"You are allowed to cry, Bella...It is only natural and besides we have something here..A friendship almost and you can always come to me if you are in trouble...I will be there for you as best as I can" He told me.

How could someone be so nice to me? Someone who wasn't my own family...I hoped then and there that I would have a father that would be even half of what Carlisle was...I knew there couldn't be another person as caring because Carlisle was one of a kind.

I pulled away finally, needing to in order to clean myself up...Carlisle pulled a few loose strands of my which had caught on my cheeks from the tears and I smiled at him and got up from the bed.

"Are we finished now, Doctor Cullen"? I asked needing to get out of there and write in my diary to take away the emotion fully from my system.

"No, Bella that is it...You have a good night" He replied as I opened the door...Stopping myself in the hallway and turning back round.

"Your family...Doctor Cullen are lucky to have you as their father and husband you know? I hope my new father is like you" I confessed smiling again and closing the door after me.

I near-sprinted back to my room...Why are the corridors are always empty when I am on my own ? It must be Carlisle...He must draw people to him as he had done to me.

I couldn't help thinking that this was wrong...Someone who has a duty of care to you that you have no connections to can almost be like a father to you...Latching on to them wanting them with you constantly...Surely it was.

I entered my room and closed it, instantly grabbing my diary and pen and beginning to write:

9th September 2004

_Sorry I haven't written earlier...I guess Sandgrove is growing on me now than what I originally thought...I am scared, Diary...Scared that I will never see Carlisle again after I leave...Do you believe that he will keep his promise? That we will remain friends...I want that more than anything._

_What would mom think of him? Would she like him too? Sometimes I feel like she is here with me...Sounds crazy, right? _

_I hope that Dr Cullen's children are grateful every day for what they have...Never knowing that one of their parents are going to end up with problems that will tear them apart..You know what the strangest thing is, diary? I haven't thought about my mom as much as I have been under Carlisle's care...Is that supposed to tell me something? Or is that awful as it sounds? _

_Is my misshapen life completing itself now that I have someone who wants me a part of their family? Who knows...?_

_Goodbye really is the hardest word in the world....I never noticed it before now but I reckon that this is what it's like to finally learn new things about life...There is a start for everything, right?_

_No matter what happens now...We have each other and we have to keep it that way...You are the only source of comfort I have outside of a family, diary and we have been on this road all the way through._

_Write soon_

_Bella_

I closed the diary and placed it back on my bedside table lying down and gazing at the ceiling again lost in my own thoughts..._Please like me....Please make my family like me._

*~Carlisle~*

I was unable to move after Bella had left the medical room...I thanked fate then and there that I was finally able to adopt her. Esme had been running around the house preparing a new room for her and Alice was just as equally excited about having a new sister...The boys seemed fine with it although they chose not to talk about it with me when I had offered and that was fine...It was different for them as it was for Alice. Esme had never been able to have any more children as the birth of Alice nearly killed her and if anyone deserves a big family then it is Esme.

The amount of emotion Bella had shown when she was in here had made me happier than ever about my choice to adopt her...This way when I tell her that it would be my family she would be joining, she would be somewhat happy with the revelation – she was right..We had grown a bond...A bond much bigger than I had ever had with another patient and now I could actually have her as a daughter.

I had to use the name 'Masen'...Esme had insisted I use another name as I was apprehensive in the beginning but again, as always she was right...It would make the surprise bigger. Masen had been the name of Edward's mother who died and I thought it only fitting that we use a family name for the duration until Bella found out.

I was taken away from my trail of thought by my phone vibrating in my pocket...I leant to the side and took it out looking at the screen...It was Esme.

"_Hello my darling, How are you?"_

"_Carlisle...Would you say that Bella preferred Lavender or cream for her new bedroom?"_

"_I don't know, sweetheart I don't usually talk to her about colours...Her diary is purple and that is the only thing she owns so."_

"_Great! Lavender it is then...Alice is helping me, we have decided to give her the room next to Edward's and before you say anything he has agreed that she could have it"_

"_Esme...Don't tire yourself out, we have another week yet-"_

"_Honey...What else do I have to do in the house when everyone goes out? Besides I want to make her feel welcome...Seeing as things haven't been easy for her"_

"_Okay honey, you paint away although don't keep Alice surrounded in the smell for too long you know how that stuff goes to her head and she is too enthusiastic about life as it is"_

"_I know, I have it all taken care of my love. What time will you be home?_

"_Around an hour and a half...Don't wait for me; I know what Emmett is like when he hasn't eaten"_

"_Okay I love you"_

"_I love you too, see you soon"_

I flipped the phone off and put it back into my pocket

_Not long to go now..._I thought...._Not long at all._

**Thanks for reading**

**.S. x**


	6. Fights, Tears and Joy

**Chapter 6 is here for you!**

**Songs for this chapter:**

***Barely Breathing – Duncan Sheik***

***Rooftops – Lost Prophets***

***Next Year – Foo Fighters***

*~Edward~*

I stepped out of the shower thankful that it was Friday, the start of another weekend...It was our last weekend together as a family of five as Isabella would be joining us next week. Alice had been pestering me to talk about how I felt about her living here since she found out, she had a unnerving twinkle in her eye every time Bella's name came off her lips, the same way my mom and dad did; They seemed to have some kind of plan....Something which didn't have Emmett or I in the loop... which I knew could only mean trouble.

I stomped down the stairs...Walking into the washing room and grabbing my clothes from the drier...Sighing at the warmness they coated around my fingers...I walked back up to my room and back into my bedroom, putting on the clothes and hung the used towels on the rack in my bathroom.

Music blared through the house all of a sudden; from the room opposite mine... _Ugh...Not again! _I thought...Alice and Esme had not stepped a foot out of the spare bedroom except for dinner time and when they went to sleep...All the same, as much as I didn't want to have music blaring through the house...At least if it was GOOD music I would be able to let it slide but Alice literally had NO taste in music, going for the more feminine music which obviously as a man is nowhere near appealing.

_We were both young when I first saw you_

_I close my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standing there_

_On a balcony in sunny air_

Jeez Alice would MARRY Taylor Swift if she could...Although I doubt Jasper would be too impressed I have seen the way he looks at her and my god! Heaven help the person who intends to hurt Alice in the future...I do not think he would live to tell the tale afterwards.

I had planned to go to Biology for last period because Mr Clarke wanted me to explain 'Mitosis' to some freshmen wanting to take extra credit for the science subjects...I agreed for something to do but in all honesty I didn't warm to the idea of teaching a bunch of over-achievers... whose only relationship they would establish in their lives was with a Bunsen burner...Then again, who was I to talk I didn't have a very good track-record with the opposite sex...Actually I wouldn't call making out and the occasional-touching a record...What would you call that? I would have to see how I felt later on..I had no desire to go upstairs and write any music because I imagine Alice would scold me for drowning out Ms Swift...What was I going to do?

Emmett had been let out of the house last night to go to Rosalie's and I didn't want to ring him and ask if he wanted to do something due to the last time I caught him in a .... How should I call it? Inappropriate situation and I vowed never to ring him again unless the house was on fire.

Esme and Alice were busy with the spare room...I walked out of the confines of my bedroom and down the stairs to look outside of the living room windows...Pulling the white material back I realised that my dad's car was still in the drive...Why was he not at work?

I placed the curtain back and made my way down to his office...If anyone was worth talking to right now it would be my dad...I just hoped he wasn't too busy.

I reached his office and saw that his door was ajar; Should I knock? I couldn't hear his voice so he wasn't on the phone to someone...I tapped the door three times lightly.

"Come in" he said his voice barely audible through the door...His office went back a long way and he had the views of the forest surrounding our house to look at. I peered my head around the door to find my dad at his desk with the frame of his glasses in his mouth, he looked up at me and smiled...He wasn't busy.

"Edward...You okay?" He asked me taking his glasses out of his mouth and putting them down on the desk.

I walked in and closed the door behind me making the walk down to his desk..Why did he have to have his desk so far from the door? I couldn't hear the music from upstairs down here just the birds singing and various animal noises outside so he couldn't have the excuse of 'I moved it so I could get away from the noise' but he hadn't changed the design of his office in all the years I had been here so I really should be used to it by now.

I sat down on the empty chair opposite him, the desk in between us...Suddenly getting the feeling of being one of his patients coming in for a counselling session. My dad looked at me slightly confused.

"Why aren't you at work, dad?" I asked him after a moment.

"I am on a late shift tonight...Luckily I have just finished my paperwork...What's bothering you, son?" He replied still staring at me as if he just wanted me to start a full-blown chat about feelings and school and worst of all....Girls.

"I was just wondering dad..." I began trying desperately to think of something to say...I just wanted to cure boredom I didn't want to come in and be assessed. "What is Isabella like, dad?" That's it! Everyone in the house seemed to want to talk about Isabella, and my dad was a prime factor in that....Perfect! This should kill a considerable amount of time until I could think of a getaway clause.

Dad smiled, his eyes lighting up again and he sighed contently.

"There's not much to say really, Edward...She's...Different...That's the only word I can find to describe her" he began..._Different? In a bad way or a good way... _ "Different in a good way of course" he finished smiling at me...._Did I just say that out loud?_

"What does she look like?" I asked trying now to keep my thoughts entirely internal.

"She's small...No more than five-three I would say...She's naturally slender although now getting back to her normal weight...She has long, dark mahogany hair that curls at the end and she has big brown chocolate eyes to match...She's wise, much more than a normal sixteen year old. It's her birthday today you know?" He told me...Waiting for a reaction.

"Oh, really?" I said with a little enthusiasm.

"Yes...I reckon you will like her, Edward" He told me. Why would he imagine that I would not like her? Considering the effect that she has had on this family I was afraid to NOT like her...I would probably get burned alive.

"Why is that, Dad?" I asked suddenly finding curiosity in myself about my new sister to-be.

"She keeps diaries...I imagine that she is a deep-thinker, like the way you are...Although Bella probably isn't afraid in knowing that she has deep thoughts...Unlike yourself" The man had a point; I had never allowed anyone to see my diaries because they were MINE...they are a reflection of my life and I look in them to feel better about how far I had come and make comparisons about what my dreams were then and how they were now in the present day.

"You know, Edward I have a good feeling about this?" He exhaled with a smile similar to my own

"Do you?" I asked him.

"Yes...I reckon Bella will be a good thing for all of us" he stated...What on earth did he mean by that? Of course it was good that she was going to be with us in the family...I said before about my dad, mom and Alice having a plan and I was now feeling very uncomfortable about my dad may be taking this conversation.

"What does that mean?" I asked my dad, agitated about his latest remark.

"I just mean that she may bring something new in all of our lives somehow" Dad stated, sensing my growing tension.

"You have known this girl for how long, dad?" I asked in reply.

"A month, a day is all you need to make an impression....You should know that as well as I do, Edward and anyway...It won't be long now until she is here so you can form an impression of your own" He replied.

I don't know what to think about her...How could I when I hadn't met her yet?

"Yes well...Dad I don't know what to think about her, or this whole adoption thing." I stated.

"Is there a particular reason for that, Edward"? Okay this conversation had now turned into unwanted territory...Lord knows, I love my father but parents in general always seem to want to lift barriers and I had that enough from Alice...One minute I would be thinking one thing like how I wanted a soul-mate one day to spoil and the next I am in denial and vow only to have fun and not tie-myself down...Is this what growing up is?

"No..Dad, I just want to be open-minded" I exhaled trying to end the conversation there.

" Well...I will be telling her tonight about how I am going to be a new father to her" he began when I stopped him.

"Wait...You haven't told her yet? She's supposed to be coming on Monday dad" I told him...Astonished that he kept something like that from her, if she was as emotional as my family have made out then the whole thing can't have been easy for her.

"No, Edward...I got the final approval through today...I wanted to be absolutely certain that she was going to be ours before I gave her false hope" He replied.

"She has already been given the false hope...She is expecting to be adopted by strangers and then you turn around and say it's you...What makes you think that she would be pleased that you kept this from her" I told him, my voice now starting to raise uncontrollably.

"We have a bond, Edward...Much bigger than anyone else..As big as the bond I had with you and Emmett and look how you have turned out and how things have been made better for us." He replied...His voice was calm and I felt like such an idiot now because I had made an issue out of nothing at all.

"I am sorry, dad...I don't understand this whole thing, that's all" I stated feeling very stupid and exposed for my almost-outburst.

"You're growing up, Edward...You have confusion at the moment but there is no need to worry, Isabella will be welcomed into this family and I will say this now, Edward...You do not have to like her but you must accept that she will a part of the family and you must be civil and try your very hardest to treat her as such...She has come a long way and she is in a whole new country...Entering a whole new world and I do not want any more unnecessary hurt coming to her from anyone else."

"I understand, dad" I replied, smiling at him a little and he smiled in response.

"What are your plans for the day?" He asked me picking up his medical book and opening a page.

"I will be going to school later...I just need to pass the time until that happens" I replied.

I got up from the chair

"I think I am going to help mom and Alice with the room" I stated nodding at him; he smiled and motioned with his hand for me to go.

I walked out of my dad's office and back up the stairs and lo and behold...Ms Swift had finished singing and was now replaced with the wonderful vocal styling's of........S Club 7!

God!! I needed to sort that girl out...Too bad if she had said she detested Classical music on more than one occasion it was because of Classical music that those idiots they have a nerve to call a band became famous in the first place.

I edged my way towards the spare room the music getting louder and louder although this time the music was mixed with hysterical giggling....Well, mom was giggling...Alice was cackling...As soon as my sister and my mom get into a laughing fit then you know it is about something that doesn't even scratch the surface of the word 'funny'.

I pushed the door open and found them attacking each other with paint rollers, Alice more covered than mom.

"Mom...Alice" I shouted at the top of my voice although it was hopeless as my voice was nothing over the blaring music...I would have a bad ringing in my ears if I stayed here any longer. My presence in the room had also gone unnoticed as the two of them were now spinning around each other and covering the unpainted walls with specks of purple...I took the opportunity then to sneak up on them as both of their backs were facing me...Mom wasn't easily spooked but Alice would jump a mile.

I quickly stepped towards them in light strides as I then threw my arms around Alice's waist and she yelled and escaped from my grasp and faced me, the roller hitting my chest and the wetness pouring through my shirt.

"Edward, for Christ sake!" She shouted as Esme was now facing me and smiling wickedly holding the other roller. I looked down at my shirt and then back at Alice who was still breathing heavily but also biting her lip to contain her laughter.

"Oh it's on now!" I stated pulling Alice up and over my back in a fireman's carry with her in my grasp kicking and punching my back in an attempt to try and get me to put her down...I ran over to Esme and took the roller out of her hand I then rolled the paint on Alice's backside and lower legs.

"Ahhh Edward....You bastard....Put me down, this is war" She yelled although still sounding like she was talking in a normal voice due to the extent of the music's volume.

"How can it be a war, Alice if you can't reach me" I taunted slapping the roller on her bare feet now, she punched me harder and growled loudly.

"If you don't put me down right now I will tell Esme what you didn't want me to say." She yelled in reply.

I groaned loudly...Damn her! She always knew how to play me...I placed her down and she then looked up at me, her face red and her breathing jagged.

"That's better...Now where were we?" she replied wickedly as both of us went to the pain pot at the same time and continued our attack on one another.

*~Alice~*

I climbed out of an hour-long shower in an attempt to try and get the paint off of me, I had won against Edward in our little fight and he had now gone to school for last period...Something about teaching 'Mitosis' Like I care! I got dressed in my old clothes that I kept for DIY and picked up a brand new roller from my room when my phone rang.

_I never had a dream come true_

_Till the day that I found you_

_Even though that I pretend that I've moved on_

_You'll always be my baby_

That ringtone could only mean one thing....Jasper! I squealed loudly and pressed 'Accept'

"_Hi Jazz!"_

"Hello honey, are you okay?"

"_Yes I am fine...Just recovering from a pain attack but otherwise I'm all good. Are you okay?"_

"No...Not really" His voice was breaking and alarm bells instantly went off in my head

"_Baby, what is it? What's happened?"_ I asked unable to hide the worry and concern in my voice.

"My mom has had another one of her turns...I am in Forks Hospital right now...Can you come and see me please, baby...I really need you right now" Jasper's voice was breaking and I could tell that he was in pain and that he was trying his best not to cry over the phone...God the amount of times I had told him that crying was okay...He was still having none of it, after a year of being together.

"_Yes of course, Jazz I am on my way" _I said hanging up on him and grabbing my car keys.

I ran down the stairs past my mom, who looked equally as worried as I did...I stopped at the foot of the stairs and turned back round to look at her.

"Jazz is at the hospital...I will be back soon" I said knowing instantly that she wouldn't press me about the matter right now as I would tell her later...I never kept anything from my mom...I spoke to her about everything...I honestly don't know what I would do without her.

Mom nodded and I turned and flew out of the front door not bothering to close it after me...Jazz needed me and I would do anything to make sure that he was alright.

I climbed into my car, turning off the radio which I had turned on the way back from school yesterday and floored it to the hospital.

I had never liked hospitals, although Forks hospital was more adequate than others, I parked into the first available space in the lot and got out of the car...Locking it behind me.

Walking through the double sliding doors I instantly searched for Jasper in the crowd of the waiting room...The majority of people stared at me as I came in, and usually I would feel slightly inadequate but I was doing this for Jasper, and nothing was more important than he was in my world..Ever.

I couldn't find him in the crowd...had he gone to his mom's room? Had he found out something new since he called me?

I edged my way over to the receptionist who seriously needed a new hair-do and a decent makeup job...Not to mention a new pair of glasses..._Focus Alice, snap out of it._

"Hello, I am looking for Jasper Hale...His mother, Beverly was admitted here at some time tonight" I informed her in the steadiest voice possible because I was afraid for Jasper. "Do you know which room Mrs Hale is in?"

The woman studied me for a moment before speaking

"Are you family?" _Typical_...How do these people always know you are in a hurry....It was the moment of truth...I could lie and get sent to the room right now or I could be truthful and have to wait with the plague of the waiting room until he came out.

"I am Jasper's cousin" I stated...Never mind that I was lying...I needed to see my Jasper.

"Mrs Hale is in room 202" She told me, without another word I sprinted down the first available corridor not knowing where the hell I was going...I passed a room that said '180' so I imagined that I was on the right floor....At least I hoped to God I was!

What was it with hospitals? Everything looked the same! I carried on a little further until a reached a new set of double doors...I walked through them and saw another room '200' YES I was down the right corridor I passed '201' and turned a corner which turned out to be a dead end...Right at the end of the corridor I saw Jasper...His head in his hands sitting on a chair outside of an entrance to another hospital room. In respect to the hospital procedure I decided not to call out to him, instead I walked the long trail to where he was sitting...I crouched down to his level and placed one of my hands on his...He shot up, his red, watery eyes staring straight into mine, I smiled before he exhaled and stood up pulling me to him in a kiss.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and took out one hand to stroke his hair, his hands were on my face, lovingly...I snapped myself out of my haze of our kiss, realising where we were...I broke our kiss although in all honesty I could spend forever in Jasper's arms and nothing would ever come as close.

He kept me in his grasp as a few more tears escaped his eyes as I wiped them away...He looked so tired and so drained from emotion and I didn't know what to say to him, I wanted to make him feel better so badly but his life was so complicated and there was very little I could ever do to make the pain go away.

"How is she?" I asked wiping a few more tears from his cheeks.

"She's going to live this time." He choked out...His mum had suffered a lot since the death of Jasper's grandmother and he was also feeling the effects of his mother's choices as he had done since his Grandmother's death.

"Oh Jazz...That's good news!" I exhaled as he nodded tightening his mouth in an attempt to muffle new sobs and tears.

"Alice...I was so scared she was going to....I don't know what I would have done....God, Alice....Thank you...Thank you for being here." He said, tentatively. My heart soared at the sound of hearing his thanks...It made me feel good that I was able to comfort him and be there when he needed me, just as he had done for me.

"I love you" I said in a comforting tone, trying not to cry as well.

"I love you too, Alice...So very much. Will you stay with me? Just until I know that she is out of danger" He asked me still looking down at the floor.

I pulled my finger out from his hair and placed it under his chin; he looked up our eyes connecting again.

"Of course I will Jasper" I said as he smiled and locked our lips together again.

~*Carlisle~*

"Now are you quite sure about this, Carlisle...There is still time to reject the application you know?" Doctor Albertson asked me after he had got off of the phone with Forks adoption agency.

"I have never been surer about anything, Frank" I stated simply as he then nodded his head and put his back against the back of his chair.

"Well I can say that I am somewhat surprised, Carlisle. I knew that you and Isabella had gotten close as a doctor-patient relationship but I never would have thought that you would be the one to adopt her" he confessed

"Neither did I, Frank but the decision is unanimous...My family and I all agree that we would like to have another addition and we hope that Bella will, someday accept myself and my wife as her parents" Frank smiled and chuckled slightly in relief...I smiled back.

"Then, Carlisle...It's all arranged...She will enter your lives on Monday...If that's how you word it and...Congratulations" Frank stood up and held his hand out to me; I took it and shook it with a handshake.

"Thank you, Frank" I said before turning and walking out of his office.

Now...I needed to tell Bella.

I got to her room and knocked softly...Hearing no noise I opened it ever so slightly and peeped around the corner to find her writing...In deep thought about something...How could she not have heard me? That girl could think...!

"Bella"? I called her, she shot up looking shocked but smiled when she realised it was me.

"Hello, Doctor Cullen" She addressed me back closing the diary and putting her pen down.

"Can I come in for a second?" I asked her

"Of course" she said before I stepped into her room fully, and closing it behind me.

I took a silent breath before sitting down in the usual seat in front of her; she looked a little confused and possibly a little apprehensive.

"I wanted to talk to you about your new family, Bella" I began; she exhaled and nodded in understanding.

"I wanted you to know that I know about them and I feel that you are going to like them" I began not knowing where I was going with my confession.

"I trust your judgement, Carlisle" She told me with a small smile...This girl was so similar to Esme; she had the ability to wash any uneasiness from me just by speaking.

"I am here to tell you something about them" I began; shock now showing in her face.

"Please tell me that I am still getting adopted by them, Carlisle" She exclaimed her eyes glistening with new tears.

"Bella...Calm down, of course you are still getting adopted...It's just that"

"They are complicated...They have problems like my mom did?" Bella stopped me...I could see her tensing up this is not how I originally wanted this to go.

"Bella, please just listen for a minute?" I asked her wanting to kick myself for not saying what I came here to say sooner.

Bella nodded and waited patiently for me to say something.

"The family...That you are going to be adopted by...Is mine"

*~Bella~*

"_The family that you are going to be adopted by is mine"_

Did I just hear what I thought I heard...I couldn't move...I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything but sit there and stare at Carlisle.

_Mine_

_Mine_

_Mine_

How is this even possible?

_The family that you are going to be adopted by is mine_

Am I dreaming? Is this real? _Pinch yourself, Bella...Wake yourself up!_

_Mine_

_Mine_

No...Wait a minute.....

_Mine_

_Mine_

Oh god, this WAS real? How could that be? The family I was being adopted by were called Masen....Dr Cullen himself had told me that....

"Bella?" Carlisle asked...I tried to find my voice...I needed to say something I was probably making him uneasy....._Say something Bella.....I don't understand...What the hell is going on?_

"I don't understand" I blurted out unexpectedly relieved that I actually had a tongue in my mouth.

"I put my family's name down as Masen because I didn't want you to be disgusted at the idea of having your own Doctor adopt you" Carlisle explained

_Why would he think I would be disgusted? This was unreal...This was....I have no other words for it._

"I am sorry, Bella if I have shocked you...I had the best intentions for it and judging by your reaction I can see that it was probably the wrong decision" Carlisle explained...His voice soothing me as it always had done.

"Carlisle...You haven't....I'm not....Disgusted" I managed to speak out.

"You're not?" He asked a slight smile appearing on his face as the corners of his mouth lifted

"No...Carlisle this is.....Great!" I exhaled and beamed at him he smiled back with the same amount of emotion.

"Now...I don't have to say goodbye to you!" I said the tears falling from my face "You do mean it though, don't you?" I asked suddenly thinking that this would be a joke.

"I can bring you the adoption papers if you prefer, Bella?" He offered and I shook my head.

There was nothing left to say...I didn't want to know anymore and I didn't want to think anymore...I brushed my diary off of my lap and crawled over to Carlisle wrapping my arms around him securing myself..He chuckled and hugged me back tightly.

There were no more words...I had no more words

I was joining Carlisle's family....

This was it now......

My new life......

As a potential Cullen.

**The chapters will get longer as the story goes on...I realise how much I have written and put it on here and it is barely anything at all: D! I will also include Emmett, Rosalie and Esme POV later on too as I have been deserting them *Smacks hand***

**Thanks for everyone who is favouriting this story again...I couldn't be happier.**

**I hope everyone has a good Christmas and New Year.**

**.S. x**


	7. I am home

**A/N Chapter 7 Everyone!**

**This one is dedicated to 'Savannah Passions'...Thank you for your review and since you wanted some Bella/Esme time....You will get it now, my lovely and don't worry it isn't the end for the Bella/Carlisle father-daughter relationship.....Not a chance in hell! :D**

**I have forgotten to say this for the past six chapters....I do not own Twilight or the characters mentioned in this story (Mrs Meyer owns them) I like to create my own visions and these I DO own. **

**Slight Lemon in this chapter (A sixteenth of lemon if you like)...You have been warned.**

**Tuneage: **

***Where you are – Rascal Flatts***

***Born to fly – Sara Evans***

***Miracle – Vertical Horizon***

*~Bella~*

"Bella..." Tess choked out at the entrance of the hospital...She had been crying non-stop for about half an hour and I didn't know what to say to her, I didn't like seeing anyone cry but someone as enthusiastic as Tess, this was something that was all-new to me....but what could I do?....I was leaving and there was nothing left for me here at Sandgrove.

Tess brought her shaking hands forward from behind her back and held out a small bunch of baby blue roses...I was touched, I have never had flowers before from anyone just cards on birthdays and the usual little trinkets at Christmas...Mom had spent all the money we had on her daily fixes so I never expected much of anything on those times...However, now it was different..I preferred to have a bunch of flowers so much more than a card...forcing myself not to cry I took the flowers...Smelled them before handing them to Carlisle and wrapping my arms around Tess tightly as more sobs broke out of her body...I didn't care that my shirt would get wet – Carlisle had been so kind as to offer me some of Alice's old clothes to travel to my new home in....The hospital gown was bearable but it was lovely now to be able to move more freely in Track-suit bottoms.

"Bye beautiful Bella" Tess sobbed as she kissed my cheek...I pulled away from her and took one of her hands in mine and smiled at her...Biting my cheeks inside my mouth to prevent my tears...I didn't want to cry when I met my siblings and mom-to be, Carlisle had probably told them countless times how much I had cried and now I was starting anew I figured it was time to feel more happy now and make it a goal to complete at some point in the future.

"Thank you, Tess...For everything" I said stroking her hand as she nodded and released our grip on each other and I turned to Carlisle who smiled at me and all my fears were somehow washed away...He handed the bouquet back to me and I turned to wave at Dr Albertson who was attending to an elderly patient and he waved back with a warm smile.

I exhaled and then looked back at Carlisle

"You ready?" He asked me, I nodded in reply and walked out of the doors to Carlisle's car.

_Wow....A black Mercedes? That must have cost a lot_...I thought as I gawked at Carlisle's ride half way across the lot, He opened it with his keys and then opened the driver's side door and looked at me.

"Get in, Bella" He said with a chuckle and I instantly realised that I was still staring at the car...._Note to self....Learn to snap out of daydreams and thought showers faster_. I smiled and felt the blush of embarrassment fall on both of my cheeks..._Stupid Blush_...Mom always thought it was cute and I was always disgusted by it.

I opened the passenger door and climbed in, watching my head as I went and placed the diary on my lap before fastening my seat belt.

Carlisle put the keys into the ignition and drove out of the parking lot without another word as we then headed onto the main road.

"Are they okay with this, Carlisle?" I asked looking up at him.

"Are who okay with what, Bella?" He asked keeping his focus on the road.

"Alice, Emmett, Edward and Esme...You haven't said much about how they feel about all of this – I only know how you feel" I babbled...My brain turning to mush with all the emotions I was feeling.

"Bella, wait till we get home and you can decide that one for yourself" He replied smiling his crooked smile..._Please like me....I don't know what I would do if they didn't like me._

We finally got to a turning to a road with a dead end after what seemed like forever...It was evergreen... although the green not a complete colour as it was now fading from the trees due to it being almost fall so it was kind of a more green/orange/red tinge all mixed together...The road was smooth not like in England where the roads were gravelly and uncomfortable. There were only a few more houses along the whole road...Spaced out from each other which made me realise that Carlisle and his family lived in near-isolation....Which was odd considering how nice Carlisle was, I would think they would be more sociable like the way he was in his job.

Carlisle stopped and pulled into a large driveway, his house was the last one on the road with the dead end in front of it...I looked closer out the window and saw that the only thing surrounding Carlisle's house was forest...I wondered then if it went back as far as it looked.

The house looked like something you see out of country and home magazines back in England, mom had been interested in landscape and house design but she had never done anything with our house...We couldn't afford to do it up anyway so I guess looking at the magazines made the pain of having her dream house a bit better to handle...I don't know what went through my mother's mind for the majority of my time and now looking back I don't think I want to...The fact that she loved me was enough to carry me through meeting my new adopted family...I just hoped that I would see her again someday and that I could introduce her to Carlisle's family so she could love them as much as I would....There was no denying now that I was going to love them...I already loved Carlisle more than words and I had only known him for a short time...I just wanted them to love me back as well.

"This is your new home, Bella" Carlisle said as he gazed at the house with me.

"It's beautiful, Carlisle" I said still in awe about the fact that this was now my home too.

"Esme did most of the design...I can't be trusted with interior designing so I leave that to Esme and Alice...They are the ones who have the 'eye' for these things"

I exhaled loudly when I began to hear the birds singing from the woodland area; Carlisle chuckled.

"What is it, Bella?" He asked...I turned to face him and giggled at his reaction.

"This doesn't seem real...This kind of stuff just doesn't exist for me" I stated.

"Well, it does in your new world" Carlisle smiled and I shook my head in disbelief "Do you want to see the inside?" He asked me. I nodded and closed the passenger door, hearing it lock behind me...We walked up to the small steps leading to the house but we both stopped at the same spot and looked at each other, laughing a little at having the same thought.

"Take my hand, Bella" Carlisle said to me – I immediately felt a bit uneasy but I would have to get used to it sometime, Carlisle was my father now. I clasped my hand around his and we walked up to the front door together.

_It's time...._I thought.

*~Esme~*

"_Roses?......Check!_

_Freesias......Check!_

_Bedding arrived......Check!_

_Candles.....Check!_

_Space in Wardrobe.....Check!"_

I had been rushing around all morning trying to make Bella feel as comfortable as possible – I still giggled at the idea that I would be having another daughter and nothing seemed to feel more right. I was dusting over the living room again....My mom had once said that a room could never be too clean and she was right, yet again.

I was distracted from my cleaning mode with pounding down the stairs to my right; I placed my hands on my waist waiting to find out who the elephant was...It was either going to be Emmett or Edward as Alice couldn't pound that loudly if she tried.....It was Emmett.

I gasped at his outfit...He was wearing the same clothes as last night and his hair was a mess! Well....His hair was naturally smooth and it had a little style that was his...This morning it just looked like he got out of bed...Strands of hair sticking up to the ceiling and sticking out at the back of his head.

"Emmett, what do you think you're doing?" I gasped out at him; he turned to me and smiled.

"I am off to see Rosalie, mom...Remember I asked you guys last night and you said it was okay?" he answered.

"I thought you were going to see her last night once you had asked me and your father. I can't have you going out now." I exclaimed...He looked shocked and confused at the same time.

"But mom...Rosalie wants to go out today...Something about a present for someone..." He trailed off...I narrowed my eyes at him, I could always tell when Emmett was lying to me...He babbled. This present wasn't something that I wanted to get into right now...I had too much on my mind.

"Well your new sister is coming and I need you to be presentable" I stated, looking at him up and down with disgust...He followed my gaze and looked up to roll his eyes at me.

"Mom...Does it matter?" He whined...I put the duster down and walked over to him.

"Yes it matters, first impressions are everything Emmett and I don't want Bella thinking that we can't present ourselves in a calm and respectable fashion" I stopped in front of him as he towered above me.

"Mom, she's fifteen!" He stated with another moan.

"Emmett...I am your mother and I say that you will go and change right now and have a shower! Do I need to be any clearer?" I told him, sternly...I really was not in the mood today if I was going to keep up my usual hostess abilities I didn't need my lazy son standing in my way.

Emmett growled loudly and I tutted at him..."What about Rosalie?" He asked me.

"Bring her round here" I said...What was it with his girlfriend and this house? They had been going out for a good year and a half and she had only been around her three times...Something wasn't right there and I made a note to have a talk with her about that one day....I just hoped that I hadn't upset her in any way.

"I don't think that Rosalie would be interested in meeting Bella, Mom" he stated with a scoff.

"Why ever not?" I asked him in reply.

"She's just funny about meeting new people...I can't guarantee that she will be on her best behaviour" He stated calmly...How could he be calm about that? Rosalie was definitely the controlling one and hands up to her but this was bordering on ridiculous. I would not have her upsetting Bella....That was a definite...I don't care how much she loved Emmett or how much he loved her she will not be the one making my new daughter's life difficult.

"Well either she comes here or nothing at all; I need all of us here today, Emmett" I told him trying to breathe calmly as my head was starting to bang.

"Edward isn't here" he stated with a slightly rude tone.

"Edward is in rehearsal this weekend for his showcase at the local talent show" I replied.

"Wait...Since when did he decide to do that?"

"It's been in his mind for a few months but he never really thought about doing it up until now...He told me last night when you were gone that he wanted to do it and I said that he could" I told him boldly.

"Right so it's okay for Eddie to miss this but not me?" He asked, god I didn't like it when he was like this...He was all for Rosalie and during these situations he forgot about anyone else important like his family.

"Emmett if I let you go, you would be spending all your time with Rosalie and also enjoying alcohol...With Edward I know that he will do what he says he will. Now Upstairs!" I raised my voice and I didn't mean to...I just desperately needed some Tylenol. He huffed and stormed back up the stairs...The faint slamming of his bedroom door in his wake.

I blew out some needed air from my body and walked into the kitchen to get some Tylenol before I carried on with the morning's work.

*~Emmett~*

GRRRRRRR MOTHERS!

I don't know how I was going to explain this one to Rosalie...She had me on a tight schedule and I have to say I have NEVER complained...I liked women who took charge and Rosalie was the ideal woman for that....God I was one lucky son of a bitch.....!

I threw my clothes off my body and they landed on the floor before I walked into my bathroom...I turned the showerhead on before walking across the room to my iPod deck and pressing 'Shuffle' I needed to wind down and music was the only thing that could help me do that....Well that and Rosalie but as she wasn't here...

I climbed out of the shower and walked into my room to sit on my bed.

_What does she expect me to wear? A Tuxedo?!..._Bella Swan was going to be my new sister and we would all be living together...She would probably see me half-naked down the hallways and I would probably end up seeing her half-naked but that's what happens when you live with people – you can't afford to have barriers because accidents are always going to happen...Okay, now to find some more bloody clothes!

I tiptoed over to my wardrobe...My floor had always looked like a bomb-site but that's the way I liked it...Opening the door I cursed under my breath at the only thing I had left in there...A white blouse and black trousers...I hadn't worn these since Kate, a distant cousin of ours had got married and I promised myself to throw them out but no, on this particular day the world no longer likes me. I groaned and pulled the remaining clothes out of the now-empty wardrobe...JESUS! I needed to do some washing.

I put the clothes on, breathing in a little to put the trousers on..._you need to lay off the big MACs my friend..._It's all coaches fault, he pushes us to gain muscle but yet we weren't given a diet plan and come on we were still teenagers and there was no way in hell we would chose salad over a quarter pounder with cheese meal...It just isn't natural.

Finally, I was changed and I decided not to bother with my hair...It would dry on its own anyway, the last thing I needed was Bella to hear my hairdryer (well actually Rosalie's hairdryer) going off and think it was Alice but actually it be me...Remember, _First impressions are everything, Emmett_. I sighed a little as I thought about my mother.

She was always a natural born hostess and I knew that she wasn't intentionally winding me up, she was just so excited about Bella coming and I could see it in her eyes...There was a longing there, a desire almost and I hadn't seen her have that look in a long time.

I grabbed random clothes off of the floor, not knowing what they were and placed them in the hamper of the laundry room across the hall...I walked back down the stairs to the living room to try and find Esme, she was no longer there...I then tried the kitchen, the living room and the kitchen were the two rooms my mom spent the most time in...I found her, drinking a glass of water from the tap and gazing out of the open window.

My mother was beautiful....I had never really noticed it before; the lightness from the air outside silhouetted her...Shining off of her every curve of her figure. Her brown hair was now filled with natural colours and her skin shone. I regretted being angry at her because she was so damn caring and loving that it was so hard to stay mad at her anyway, she was an earth-mother and I did love her...The last thing I wanted was to make her upset because of something I had done.

I made my way over to her and wrapped my arms slowly around her waist...Crouching down to her level as bless her, she was nearly a foot shorter than I was...She didn't flinch instead she leant her head on mine and with her empty hand wrapped it around mine as tightly as she could swinging from side to side.

"I'm sorry mom" I whispered into her ear, giving her a kiss on the cheek...She turned her head to mine – our faces staring at each other and placed her forehead on mine, kissing my nose...I giggled unintentionally...She hadn't kissed my nose since I was a little boy and I had forgotten how much I loved that little gesture.

"I am sorry too, Emmett. I just want Bella to be happy here" She stated, trying to justify herself...I shook my head with hers shaking too as they were still connected.

"You have nothing to apologise for mom...I understand." I replied hugging her closer.

"What are you going to do about Rosalie?" She asked, curious.

"I can always spend one day without her, besides without Edward I don't have enough ammunition to make fun of our little sister." I chuckled and she elbowed me in the ribs...She did not injure me.

"Don't you dare, I am relying on you and Edward to take care of her as her brothers. Will you do that for me?" She asked me in a soothing voice.

"Of course we will, Mom" I replied kissing the side of her head and releasing my hold on her.

"Well, I need to go and tell Rosalie that I won't be seeing her until tomorrow...I will be back soon, I promise" I told her walking out of the door.

"You better had" mom answered as I walked out of the house.

*~Alice~*

_Bella's coming today_

_Bella's coming today_

_Bella is coming...coming...coming....coming....Today!_

Jasper stirred a little with me in his arms...We had spent the night together last night because his mom was still in the hospital and he didn't want to be alone...I had promised my mom that I would be home for when Bella arrived, like hell I was going to miss meeting my new little sister.

I would no longer be the only- girl! I could have chats with her about boys and give her makeovers and fashion tips...I had always wanted a sister someday and now my dream was coming true!

I smiled up at Jasper who was still sleeping...I was getting very hot under his hold...I started to pull away slightly so as not to wake him up...I was nowhere near successful though as he tightened his hold around my waist stopping me from going any further.

"Ally, where are you going"? He asked his voice dazed and slightly groggy.

"I need to go home, Jazz...Bella's coming today" I replied, keeping the excitement in my voice to a minimum.

"Oh right...Can't you stay just a little longer?" He asked, whining a little and pouting his lower lip...He always knew how to make me crumble and I loved him even more for it. However, this morning I needed to have some persuasion to stay as I really would like to go home.

"You know what, Jazz...I promised my mom I would be home" I told him...fighting away giggles as his eyes shot open and he turned his head to look at me with a agitated look on his face.

"Please?" He pleaded...His eyes now looking upward at mine.

"What would you do if I stayed?" I asked...Now I had got him right where I wanted him.

"Anything you want" he replied, determination in his now-clear voice.

"What do you want, Jazz?" I asked again, feeling that this conversation was repetitive but I really wanted him to fight for me to stay here – I needed to feel needed.

"I want...You....To...Stay" He replied, agitation now creeping up in his facial features...I couldn't deny him then, I made a mental note to myself to work on my self-will because at the moment it seemed pointless as Jasper always won when we were together.

I smiled...Jasper pulled himself up and secured his lips to mine running his hands though my hair...I sank into him and was quickly underneath him in seconds...He caressed my face as he kissed my neck...His hands lowered and began to pull the hem of my top up when I put my hands on his to stop him.

"Will you come with me today, Jazz...After you go and see your mom?" I asked, I wouldn't mind going by myself...But I wanted Bella to meet Jasper as I wanted him to meet her.

"Yes, my love" He answered pulling my top completely off my body and returning his kissed to my chest and stomach...He had done quick work of my bra reaching behind me and pulling them off my shoulders and working on my now-exposed breasts gaining moans of pleasure from me as he continued to love me.

If there was one thing I was sure of, I could never live without Jasper...I wanted him every day and there were never enough hours in the day to fulfil that want....There was no one else who would want him as much as I would and there was no one else who would make me feel the way he does...We were two halves of a whole...Our love was true and I made it my plan to find the same for Bella, she deserved the same love that myself and Jasper shared with a person of her own – She deserved it more than me and I had all the help I could ever want in carrying out that plan...In Jasper.

I ended up spending an hour in bed with him...I was not late, however...I got ready steadily and calmly not needing stress on this day, my mom would be able to sense it a mile off and she was already concerned about Jasper.

Jasper had gone to see his own mom and promised me that he would come around mine later...I put on the best clothes I had in my over-night bag...I would get changed at home if I wasn't completely satisfied.

I finished my make-up and took my over-night bag off of Jasper's bed, kissing our picture on his bedside table which was a thing I did every morning to thank the gods for sending him my way and made my way out of his house, using my spare key to lock up after me.

The trip back home was easy and I was thankful that I couldn't see my dad's car in the driveway as i pulled into the garage that was already occupied with Emmett's jeep...I got out and walked out of the garage pushing the button to close the door behind me and walked into the house to the living room.

*~Esme~*

"Hi mom, Emmett" Alice's voice called from the living room...._Thank God..._I didn't think she was going to be on time – she had promised me she would be but with Jasper's mom not being well I was able to let the whole thing go, I knew how important he was to her. I turned the hob down for the chicken sauce and walked out to find Alice smiling at me. She looked lovely...I knew with Alice i wouldn't ever have to ask her to make an effort...She was naturally beautiful and she had such a good taste in her clothing.

"Hello Alice, baby. How is Jasper?" I asked, she smiled at me

"He is fine, he will be over later....He is visiting his mom at the moment" She answered. I walked over and hugged her and she responded kissing my head.

"Where's Emmett?" She asked when we parted.

"He's upstairs; we have a little time before your dad gets home so you can go and unpack just keep your ears open for a car okay?" I asked, she nodded and picked up her bag and walked up the stairs without another word...Hoping that she would be able to give tips for Emmett on a good 'meeting' outfit.

*~Emmett~*

"_Babe...I am sorry that I can't be there, I will make it up to you tomorrow_ I promised to Rosalie on the phone..I could feel her taking pauses and I knew that she was upset.

"_Okay, Em just keep your phone on...I may need something later to tide me over" _She replied seductively...I could always sway Rosalie with promising her sex...I would do it every minute of every day if I could with her but I knew that she missed me when I was away from her, just like I did her...I smiled then as she wanted me to have a possible phone-sex session later on and I was all too willing to oblige her.

"_You got it, babe. Love you"_

"_Love you too, monkey man" _She answered me before hanging up.

"Hey Emmett!" Alice greeted me, I turned to find her at my door, looking me up and down before nodding "good choice of outfit there my brother" she stated before I smiled and patted the empty space next to my bed. Alice walked over and sat next to me...I was holding my cell phone in my lap twiddling with the aerial as there was a silence between us.

"Is Rosalie upset?" Alice asked, how is she always knew what was going on before I had even told her...I swear she was physic sometimes.

"No...She will be alright. How's Jasper?" I asked her.

"He's doing okay...I just hope that his mom finds the help that she needs I don't think he can take much more" She replied sighing in worry.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders...She always took others pain and that is what made her such a fierce and loyal friend. I was best friends with Jasper as he had been on the same team as me, I have to say in the beginning I didn't like the idea of him...Well ANYONE being with my sister but Jasper had persuaded me on numerous occasions that he loved her and so I could never doubt his word after that...Now, they both were still as strong as ever.

Alice leaned into my chest "He will be round later" She said "Is Rosalie coming?"

I scoffed....I wanted Rosalie one day to accept my new sister just as she had done with both Edward and Alice but I knew that it was going to be some time before that happens.

"I know, stupid question...But I had to ask" Alice said before we were interrupted by our mom.

"ALICE, EMMETT.....They're here!" She yelled and we both giggled at each other.

"It's time" Alice said before we made our way out of my room and down the stairs.

*~Bella~*

Carlisle turned the keys in the lock and my stomach was beginning to flutter...We both stepped into the house which looked like a living room...I gasped at the sudden smell of flowers hitting my nostrils, this house was a work of art not to mention extremely clean...I hoped that they hadn't gone to all this trouble just for me...I wasn't a hard person to please and I hoped to show that to them sometime.

I was about to say something to Carlisle when I heard thumping footsteps coming from above my head...I looked around the room to the stairs and waited for whoever was walking down them to show themselves.. Carlisle released my hand and walked into another room no doubt to see his wife or something.

I wasn't long standing there when two people came down the stairs, giggling to themselves...A boy and a girl..Alice was no doubt the girl...She was very bright and beautiful...Short brown spiky hair that poked out in all directions, big blue eyes and a pale skin tone identical to Carlisle's although she didn't look like him in the face....I didn't know whether the guy with her was Emmett or Edward, if I had to guess I would say Emmett.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chirped....She had such a melodic voice that I couldn't help but return her infectious smile...She skipped over to me and hugged me lightly...She smelled of Roses, the sweet, pure kind...How can these people smell so good?! I hugged her back with enthusiasm as she pulled away and observed me up and down making me feel slightly uneasy.

"You are a pretty one aren't you?" She sang and I smiled nervously and looked away feeling the blush on my cheeks.

"Oh what a blush....That's a keeper right there!" Alice chimed again; I felt the happiness radiate off of her and all I could do was stand there nervously.

"Alice...Leave the poor girl alone" The guy said before walking towards me, taking Alice's hand and moving her backwards...Extending an hand out to me.

"It's great to finally meet you, Bella" He said confidently with a smirk...I looked at his hand and brought my own up to meet is, barely touching it when he grabbed me with unbelievable strength into a bear hug...I felt my muscles clench around him afraid that I was going to fall, he spun me around and I cowered my head into his head...Holding my breath until it would be over. He swung me a good few times before placing me back down onto my feet, I exhaled feeling uneasy as I attempted to keep myself upright...My legs felt like jelly when I stumbled unknowingly, a strong arm was on mine.

"Whoa easy there, little sister...You will soon learn that about me...I have a way with sweeping girls off their feet if you know what I mean" he smirked at me "I am Emmett, by the way"

My face was hotter as ever now as I laughed...feeling like I had the wind knocked out of me.

"It's nice to meet you" I managed to get out when Emmett and Alice laughed at my change in physical state.

"Bella"? I heard Carlisle's voice call over to me, Alice, Emmett and I all turned to stare at him as he had a woman on his arm...She was small, about the same height as Alice was...She was beautiful as well...Dark brown hair shaping around her mouse-like features and her lips as red as roses...She beamed at me, her pearly-white teeth shimmering in the light from the open windows...I smiled back. She was so much like Alice; you could tell that they were mother and daughter.

"I'd like you to meet, Esme....Esme, this is Bella" I stood motionless as she made her way over to me, looking me over just as Alice has done before hugging me...I had to crouch down a little to meet her in height but I didn't care...I hugged her back, feeling her sobs on my upper body as she twiddled with my hair...This was my new mom.....I didn't know what to say...Everyone in this family was beautiful and there was no way I would be able to match them all in looks...I wondered then what their other son Edward looked like.

Esme pulled away but kept her grip on my shoulders...her eyes were wet but her face bright, she was happy.

"Hello, Bella" She choked out and giggled wiping her eyes "God what am I like!" She cursed at herself before I shook my head...I didn't care that she was emotional...I was clearly wanted in this family already and that was all that mattered.

Esme touched my face tentatively before turning to Alice.

"I think you are right, Alice...I will have another beautiful daughter it seems" How could anyone be nicer than Carlisle?! I never thought there could be a nicer, more genuine person than him but I was glad to be proved wrong...Esme was simply radiant and elegant and motherly all in one.

"Come on...I will show you to your new room" she said putting her hand in mine...I turned to Carlisle who nodded before showing me my diary, bless him he had kept it for me..I smiled him and followed Esme up the stairs leaving the others behind.

We got to the second floor, the house was nothing more than amazing...Esme and Alice did have wonderful taste. Esme was so fast that I didn't have time to browse the house properly before we came to two rooms on either side of each other. Esme led me into the one on the left and I suddenly found myself curious as to who occupied the room next to mine.

I stepped in with Esme on my arm as I took in my new room for the first time....

I didn't know what to say.....I didn't know what to do...I knew that my mouth was hanging open and I couldn't find myself to care.

The room was purple, not a dark purple but a mix between light and dark...There were little fairy lights hanging over the bed in the shape of Chinese lanterns...Their red light shining over the purple bedspread....The furniture was a dark brown...The wardrobe at the far back of the bedroom next a door and the chest of drawers further forward opposite the bed. There were two bedside tables, one had a little silver clock and a few strands of what I believed to be lavender...The other table had a lamp similar to the shape of the fairy lights and a little teddy bear leaning on the stand...The rug was a dark purple and there was a large open window next to the Chest of drawers...I could see some of the woodland...The colour of the walls were the same colour as my diary and I couldn't help but feel my heart soar a little at the fact that I had been given my own room, in my own house.

"I hope you like it...I decided to keep it simple...If you do not like it then we can change it at a later time" Esme explained standing by the window, the light shining off of her.

I opened my mouth to say something before she interrupted me.

"In here is your en-suite." she stated walking over to open the lonely door."Your bathroom, it has a shower, toilet and sink in it...We have a bath on the next floor and you won't be disturbed up there if you ever wish to use it" she closed the door and smiled at me.

"Esme...its perfect" I breathed my eyes filling up with tears...Esme gasped and walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

"Bella...Are you okay, sweetheart?" She asked looking very concerned. I smiled as wide as I could in awe that she would think I would be upset with all of this...I was happy...So very happy.

"I'm fine...Just a little overwhelmed that's all" I choked, she nodded in understanding and gestured towards the bed...I giggled a little and sat on it the sheets instantly taking me in and sinking me under a little bit.

Esme went over to the door to the bathroom..._My bathroom_...And walked inside, walking back out after a few seconds carrying a roll of tissue...She pulled some off before joining me on the bed and holding the estranged sheets out to me, I took them and wiped my eyes as she continued to look at me.

"Oh I almost forgot!" She exclaimed before opening up the only draw on the furthest bedside table, reaching out for something and taking it out. I couldn't see anything though my tears...I wiped at them frantically trying to pull myself together but this was all too perfect.

"Carlisle said that you had a diary and well...He told us the colour and I then took the liberty of buying you some new ones...They are for the next three years you only need to say if you run out of room and I will get some more." She said before giving me the pile of three brand-new diaries ...Another sob broke through my chest by accident as I felt the covers...So soft and new...I looked back up at Esme...dropping the tissue and diaries and wrapping my arms around her, she chuckled in my grasp and held me back with the same enthusiasm.

"Thank you so much, Esme...Thank you SO much" I gasped out and gripped her tighter.

"It's the least I can do for my daughter" she replied and I melted into her putting my head on her shoulder and closing my eyes – taking in this moment as much as I can.

We pulled apart and she sighed before placing her arms back in her lap.

"Is there anything else that we can do for you? Before you get settled"? Esme asked as the thought suddenly came to me...I hadn't met Edward yet.

"Carlisle said that he had a son...Edward" I started unsure about whether I heard him right.

"Yes, Edward is away right now...Rehearsing for his school's talent show...He will be back on Monday" She replied and I nodded feeling a little sad that I hadn't met the whole family yet.

"Bella may I ask you something?" Esme asked after a moment

"Of course" I replied wiping the rest of the tears off of my eyes.

"Can you tell me a little more about yourself? Carlisle has informed us of some things but I would much prefer it come from you" she asked me...How could I say no to her? After everything that she had done for me to make me feel welcome.

"What do you want to know"? I asked confidently.

"Anything...Anything that you want to tell me, I am all ears." Esme said with a smile.

"Um...I write a lot...I love to read...Austen and Bronte are two of my favourites, I like music but I am afraid I only have history with Classical music as that is all my mother listened to...I am just normal really" I answered in the steadiest voice I could...I couldn't babble I didn't want to.

"It seems like you will get on extremely well with Edward" Esme told me as she smiled a little. I smiled back at her.

"So...Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes...What you chose to do until then is up to you and if you ever need anything don't hesitate to call one of us." she said before getting up and walking out of my room

"Esme?" I asked...She stopped and turned to face me.

"If I don't call you mum right away....It's not that I don't want this...I just need to find time to adjust." I blurted out not thinking about how I was wording it.

"I understand perfectly, Bella...Whenever you are ready to call me mom, I will be happy to hear it" she stated before smiling at me a last time.

I lay back on the bed, sighing with a smile.

This was my new home and I couldn't be happier.

**Next chapter will have more Alice, Emmett and Bella-NESS!**

**Jasper will also be introduced.**

**Any other ideas??? Write a review and let me know I would LOVE to hear from you.**

**Thanks again**

**.S. x**


	8. A Doll's Life

**A/N : Hello everyone!**

**Here is chapter 8 up and going...! This is the last chapter I am writing until after Xmas now....Trying to get the start of this story done so I can thought-shower in the next couple of days for you for the next section of the story. Thanks again for all the support so far and remember if you have any suggestions, criticisms, compliments etc they will ALL be welcomed.**

**I believe 'Savannah Passions' will be the death of me...I HEART you so much for your support with this story 3 x**

**Edward will NOT be in this chapter...I am saving him for later on ****...Bear with me, guys he will be here again soon. **

**I do not own Twilight**

**Songs:**

***Tremble for my beloved– Collective Soul ***

***Home – Chris Daughtry***

***The voice – Celtic Women***

*~Bella~*

"Beeeeelllllaaaaaa" I muttered a little at the voice ringing through my ears... as I woke out of haziness to look up from my pillow, Alice was standing there at my bedroom door with a beaming smile on her face.

"Good morning sleepyhead" She sang as I smiled at her and moved myself from my warm slumber space and sat up putting my knees out in front of me.

"Hi, Alice" I smiled...My voice still in 'sleeping – mode'.

Alice walked over and sat in the empty space between my legs and the foot of the bed...I ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to mat out the knots – I liked my hair just the way it was but in the mornings it was definitely something to laugh at.

"Did you sleep well?" Alice asked as I moved my hand from my hair and rubbed my face to feel more awake.

"Yes thank you" I replied placing my hands over my knees and pulling them into my chest.

"So...I have a bit of time before I have to go and see Jazz and I was wondering if I could find out a little more about you before I went." She asked smiling but looking slightly apprehensive I chuckled a little as this was becoming a common thing...I only had Emmett and Edward left to ask me the same questions and then I wouldn't have to say anymore.

"Okay...I can understand if you feel embarrassed about that...How about we style this conversation like 'twenty questions'" Alice said, I looked up at her. What was twenty questions?!

"Twenty Questions...How does that work?" I replied my voice back to normal now.

"I ask you...Actually, no I won't ask you twenty at least I am not planning to I will ask a few questions and you just answer yes or no...If you feel you don't want to say yes or no then simply nod or shake your head. Okay?" She chimed.

"Yes, Okay" I answered her...That seemed simple enough.

"Okay...Let's see..Wait before we do this do you mind if I get more comfortable?" She asked, I understood what she was saying...The way she was sitting wasn't comfy at all.

"Sure" I replied earning a smile from her as she swung her legs from off the floor to cross them in front of her, the whole of her now facing me...she sighed and wiggled her bottom a little bit before finally sitting still.

"That's better....Now, where to start...Are you from England?" She began

I smiled at her...Surely she must know this...She had heard me speak..."Yes" I replied with a little giggle.

"Did you live in London?" She asked

"No"

"I'm sorry that's the only place I know...Did you want to tell me where you are from?"

"Okay"

"Ah ah ah ah" Alice waved her middle finger at me..."A yes or a no please, Bella"? I smiled

"Yes....I am from Kent...A place called Maidstone" I finished, she nodded in understanding.

"You lived with your mother?"

"Yes"

"Did you ever know your father?"

"No"

"Have you ever wanted to do something particular for a career?"

"Yes"

"Do you think you will ever.....Achieve that career path?"

"No"

"Have you ever worn make-up?" I smiled at the question...I guess this was the aim of the game.

"No"

"You should" She finished with a smile. I smiled back nervously.

"Do you like shopping?"

"I don't know...I have only ever been shopping once with my mum...Maybe"

"We will have to change that, then" Alice said with a dramatic gasp.

"Alice?" I asked

"Yes"

"Can I ask you some things about you?" I asked her, I was a little bored with talking about myself and I would like to know more about my new sister.

"Of course, Bella...What is it you wish to know?" She chimed...No nervousness whatsoever.

"How long have you been with Jasper?"

"About a year and a half...Going for two" She said making a gesture of crossed fingers.

"How did you know you were in love with him?"

Alice was silent as she stared at me...I couldn't make out her expression...Have I gone too far with that question.

"I am sorry, Alice I was just curious" I stated...Trying to take away my instant humiliation.

"No...Bella it's fine...I am sorry you just caught me off guard there...I don't think anyone's ever asked me that before" she replied with another smile "it's kind of refreshing"

I smiled...I didn't know what to say to that.

"Sometimes, Bella you just know things...Like your instinct takes over before your head and you just know that what you want is right in front of you...It wasn't easy, the amount of tears I shed and the amount of time I spent thinking about him after we met...I could go on forever. You have take risks sometimes in life Bella, choose your heart over your head and maybe one day you'll know what that's like" She explained. I shook the remark off.

"I doubt that" I stated...Unknowing that I said that out loud..._Damn thoughts!_

"You don't think that's going to happen to you?" Alice asked with a sceptic tone to her soprano voice.

"No"

"Well...Life has a way of taking you to places and you will find it, Bella in the most strangest place before you even have time to realise it" Alice said and I nodded...Who knows what life held in store for me? All I knew was that I would have to enjoy it as best I can.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" Alice said snapping me out of my daydream.

"No" I answered

"Would you mind if I put makeup on you...I have always wanted a sister that I could do up and, well...You are clearly the perfect candidate!"

"Alice...I don't know." I began

"Please" She begged with her lips in a pout.

"Oh okay." I answered unable to disagree with her.

"Yes!" She squealed..."Get in the shower, missy and I will go and get my case"! She said literally sprinting off of the bed.

"Wait...Now? Alice I don't have anything to...You know...Wash myself with and I don't have any clothes" I protested although it seemed pointless.

"Have you had a look in your bathroom at all, Bella...Everything you need is in there and besides I will lend you some of mine for now until our shopping trip.

Wow this girl was persuasive!

Alice skipped out of my room humming loudly as I climbed out of my bed and turned to the door to my bathroom.

I glanced around the door to find three towels on the rack in front of me...I walked over to them, not wanting to look in the mirror at myself and turned the water on in the shower...There were bottles of shampoo and conditioner, the names I didn't recognise but there was a logo of a giant strawberry so I immediately assumed that they were strawberry-scented...There was shower gel of the same make and a large red loofah hanging up by the dial.

I exhaled at the amount of generosity the Cullen's had shown me...I wanted one day to re-pay them somehow if I ever earn a decent amount of money...Although I didn't think that money would ever be able to re-pay their kindness of hearts.

I discarded my pyjamas which were again; Alice's and climbed into the shower.

I basked under the warm water...Enjoying the feeling of my muscles relaxing under the temperature...I picked up the bottle labelled 'Shampoo' and popped open the lid...I smelt the open bottle and it was gorgeous...I smiled and poured a small amount into my palm and massaged the shampoo into my scalp attempting to leave no area untouched...I did the same thing with the conditioner and after another ten minutes I climbed out of the shower.

I picked up the towels and wrapped one around myself and the other around my hair...I didn't know whether the 'Jasmine' look was something that people in this country did but I was sticking to my old English customs for a while. I made my way over to the steamed-up cabinet trying not to slip...I had been known to be somewhat of a klutz at the best and worst of times...I was successful as i placed one hand on the basin of the sink and the other one on the cabinet handle...pulling it open.

The cabinet was filled with everything I could ever need...Lotions, shaving gel, razors, a first-aid kit, toothpaste, toothbrush, plasters, some tablets with a funny name which I presumed to be paracetimol, Vaseline, talc on powder, face wash which I didn't recognise either and a flannel...I smiled again there was no way that I would be able to pay them back if I tried...I felt a tinge of regret in my tummy as I reached for the face wash.

Once I had done everything I could do for my cleanliness I walked back out to the bedroom...Startled by Alice sitting on my bed with a large suitcase next to her on my bed.

"You ready?" She asked

I smiled and nodded as she jumped off of the bed and opened the case...Pulling out a black pair of trousers and a baby blue v-neck jumper...She threw them at me and I caught them with one hand the other holding the towel firmly in place she then threw me a matching bra and knickers set...Which were also baby blue...I felt the lace and gave her a look as I bit my lip.

"Bella...It's okay...Trust me" She stated and I walked back into the bathroom to change.

I walked back out after dressing myself and found myself feeling very comfortable...I haven't felt that in a while and the jumper was certainly helping my uneasiness go away...I wish they did jumpers like this in England my life would be a little better – although feeling the fabric before I put it on I doubted we would have been able to afford it anyway...It was very similar to cashmere we would get back at home and that was always ridiculously priced.

I closed the door to the bathroom and pulled the towel away from my hair, luckily it was dry enough so as I wouldn't dampen the jumper.

I bent over and shook my hair out a little before throwing my head back and allowing it to fall...Alice smiled again and patted the bed, she had a little palette in her hand and a little brush...I bit my lip and sat down on the bed as she got down to kneeling.

"Alice, are you sure about this?" I asked, uneasy as this was something that was again, completely new...It seems I have been surrounded by a lot of new things in the past month.

"Bella...Stop...You are going to look great" She looked at the palette in her hand...Nodded and then put it back down next to her on the floor. She picked up a hairdryer..._finally something else I recognised_ and walked around me to sit behind me....She turned the dryer on and began to dry my hair.

It felt nice...Having Alice do this for me...I would have to have some more mornings like these when I got my own stuff someday...I needed to talk to Carlisle about that at some point.

Alice turned the dryer off and walked back around to face me.

"Okay before I get my straighteners out we need to do your makeup" She told me, I nodded still feeling uneasy as she then pulled a bag out from the case and put it in front of her...She reached inside and took out a small tube.

"This is lotion with a built-in foundation...I do not need to use proper foundation with you because you have extremely clear skin...This will just prevent your skin from getting dry and add a little colour to you at the same time..Okay?" she asked me, I nodded not having a clue about what she was going on about.

Alice was hard at work putting 'eyeshadow' on my eyes and adding a little 'mascara'...I had no idea what these things were but it felt nice to be looked after so I shouldn't really complain.

She looked at me and smiled...putting the item in her hand away in the bag and moving the bag to the case.

"All done...You just need to bite your lips for me" She said...I looked at her dumfounded before taking my bottom lip into my mouth and biting down on it – repeating the same action with my upper lip. I finished and Alice gave me another wide smile.

"Perfect....Now go and have a look" She ordered...I got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom leaving the door open this time. I looked into the now-clear mirror at my reflection.

I gasped a little at the change in my appearance...I was still me I could see that but I almost looked...Pretty....I smiled as my reflection did the same as I turned my head from the side and back again and repeating the other way....If I never trusted Alice before I was definitely going to from now on. I walked back out and looked at Alice who had turned on the 'Straighteners'

"Thank you, Alice" I said with as much appreciation as I could manage.

"You're welcome, Bella...I told you....I said that you were pretty" She chimed. I smiled and nodded slightly..._Maybe I was...Maybe I am._

She gestured to the floor, indicating that was where I needed to sit, I obliged and made my way over to the bed...pulling my trousers up a little before putting my bottom on the carpet. Alice grabbed a few ends and began twisting them around in the equipment in her hand...I could feel the heat and I couldn't help but feel a little panicked but Alice had done me well so far so I didn't feel like I needed to question her anymore.

There was a clicking noise as I turned and she nodded at me

"All done" She said as I stood up wiggling my hips a little to take away the numbness of my bottom.

"And what are you ladies up to?" A male voice said...I jumped and turned around to face our newest visitor.

He was blonde...Around six foot or a little taller, he had piercing green eyes like Alice's blue ones and he was wearing a brown shirt and black trousers...His toned muscles peering out of the material. He had a smile on his face and I instantly wanted to run and hide...I had seemed to want to do that a lot more recently.

"Nothing that you need to concern yourself about" Alice replied I looked over at her and found that she had a huge smile on her face...This could only mean one thing...This had to be Jasper.

"I think I need to, you are my girlfriend after all...Are you having girly time without me?" He asked with a similar pout to Alice's now appearing on his lips...I smiled a little thankful that he wasn't looking my way...He seemed to have only eyes for Alice.

"Bella...I would like to introduce you to Jasper...My boyfriend for all intensive purposes...Jasper...This is my sister, Bella" I smiled at him as he walked towards me pulling out his hand in front of me...I took it lightly and he shook it firmly a few times.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella" he stated.

"It's nice to meet you too, Jasper" I replied feeling a little more relaxed.

"I must apologise now for my girlfriend...She can be a little crazy sometimes, it's hard to reign her in once she gets going" He winked at Alice who had gotten up of the bed causing it to squeak a little and she stood next to him wrapping her arm around his waist.

"You love it" She taunted him as I felt a little strange for invading their moment together.

"Are we finished now Alice?" I asked feeling the need to escape the room.

"Yes, Bella" She answered not looking at me...I would have to come back and make my bed later...I walked out of the room shutting the door behind me and then walked down the stairs. I could smell something delicious that hit me as I stood in the living room.

I followed the aroma into the kitchen....I saw Emmett leaning against the counter with a girl on his arm...Another blonde, If I thought that Alice was beautiful when I met her then I thought this girl was even more beautiful...Stunning almost....Jeez I wished now that I had been born in forks and maybe I would have a bearable appearance. Emmett looked up at me and shot me a mischievous grin.

"Bella...Bella....Bella, look at you! Looks like I may have to protect my new sister when the boys come'a'knockin" He taunted...I looked at the girl who looked like she was giving me a look between an expressionless gaze and a scowl. Emmett cleared his throat and wrapped his arm tighter around her.

"Bella...This is Rosalie, my girlfriend. Rosalie this is my sister, Bella" I smiled trying to take away the feeling that I wasn't going to be liked by a person connected to Emmett.

"Hello" I said simply

"Hi" She replied with no enthusiasm...She almost looked bored and I wasn't going to make conversation where it wasn't wanted.

"Have you seen Carlisle and Esme?" I asked Emmett tearing away from this 'Rosalie's gaze.

"Dad's in his office but I don't know about mom...She left the cooking on and asked us to watch it whilst she went to get something" He replied.

I nodded and walked out of the room without another word.

I didn't know where Carlisle's office was...There were two corridors; one nearest to me and one further away...Okay CHOICE!

I took the one closest to me thankful looking down it that it was a dead end and I would be able to come back if it was the wrong one...It was quieter than usual in this part of the house and the sound of the creatures outside was louder than it was in my own room. I went to the furthest room in the house deciding that it would be best to start from the back and work my way forwards and back to where I was in the living room.

I knocked on the door at a normal volume...Not wanting to be too loud in case I disturbed anyone who was in there.

I waited until I could hear something, hearing nothing I was about to turn back down the corridor when the door lock twisted and opened. Carlisle was on the other side looking at me.

"Bella?" He asked with a confused look on his face.

"Sorry to disturb you, Carlisle I just wanted to talk to you for a moment" I said.

"Yes, Bella of course...Come in" He replied opening the door for me, I nodded at him in thanks and walked in.

WOW! This was his office?! It was HUGE!

I would have to ask his permission to look around it later...I didn't want to disturb him for any longer than I needed to.

I sat down at his desk as he sat opposite me with a smile on his face.

"So do you have everything you need, Bella?" He asked me

"Yes, thank you...I was just thinking about school, Tess told me that Alice, Emmett and Edward went to the local school around here..." I began and he nodded.

"Of course...I completely forgot...I am sorry Bella, I have enrolled you at the same school..You will be in the same year as Edward and Alice will be in the year above...Emmett will be re-doing his year again because he didn't get enough on his exams to graduate. You will start on Monday...I will give you all the directions and you will ride with Alice and Emmett depending on what day of the week it is...You will alternate between the two of them until I can find a vehicle of your own" I gasped and he stopped abruptly looking at me.

"Carlisle...You have done so much for me already and I would really like to buy my own car...My mum gave me some money when I left and I could put that down as a down payment and get a job to pay it off until I own it" I stated...He couldn't buy me anymore...I already felt guilty as it was without having the surprise of having another 'present' paid by the central bank of the Cullen's.

"Isabella it is no trouble..." he began and I shook my head.

"Please Carlisle...I am so grateful for everything...I really am but I need to pay my way someway and besides...getting a job it might be good for me, meet new people and get some more culture experience" I stated.

"Are you worried about the school, Bella?....We are a month into the semester already and there will be people who would have made friends."He asked.

I shook my head "No it might be hard at the beginning but I should be alright...Is there anyone that I need to steer away from?" I asked...Thinking that he would know who would be the best people to be spending my time with and who would be potentially awful.

"Well....There are the Newton's...Their son Mike is your age...Nice young lad works in the local department store that his dad owns...They seem a good family. The Stanley's have Lauren and Angela that go there, Edward has had many meeting with Lauren in particular but as far as I know they are nice girls....The Weber's have Tanya, Tanya seems to be the hit with both of my sons although none of them have invited her around here...There are the Yorkie's who have Eric, a child prodigy that one a very nice person as well. That's about it as far as I know of course there will be more...Not to worry though, Bella. Edward and Emmett are very protective and they will make sure that you do not go into the wrong social circles. Are you going to be alright for meeting the receptionists and sorting everything out on Monday?"

I nodded again and he smiled..."Well that's all I have to say Bella, was there anything else you needed to ask me?" He asked.

"No....Thank you Carlisle" I said getting up and walking out of the room without another word.

I walked back into the living room to find Alice and Jasper dressed in their coats by the front door, they both turned to face me at the same time.

"Bella what size top and trousers do you wear"? She asked me

"The size above yours" I stated...Alice's clothes did fit me but some areas were a little tight in both the top and the bottom areas.

"Great! Do you have a favourite colour?" She chimed back in reply

"I like brown....and Yellow" I replied, those were the only two colours I really liked but I didn't mind wearing all black if I had to.

"What size bra are you?" She asked and I felt the blush on my cheeks immediately. I looked at Jasper and he smiled at me in an assuring way..._Just say it Bella and it'll be over._

"A size below yours" I stated quickly

"Okay...I am off to get you some outfits...You stay here with Esme and dad... and I will be back later" She said before turning on her heel and out of the door.

(Later)

I had found various different things to fill the day when I glanced over at the clock on my bedside table...It was seven o'clock already...I closed my diary which was now down by eight pages...This day had been my biggest entry in my whole life.

"Bella?" I heard Alice shout from outside of my door...I climbed off the bed as quickly as I could and opened it to find myself face to face with a box.

"Uh, Alice?" I asked...Slightly confused at what I was looking at.

"Let me in, Bella so I can put this down...Please"? She asked, I moved out of the way and she walked through the room dropping the box and sighing.

"Alice...Please say that box is for you and not for me" I said feeling very worried at just what was in the box.

"I would but then I would be lying" She chimed..."All clear, guys" she called out to the empty doorway and after a few moments, Emmett and Jasper came in with their own boxes in their arms and bags hanging around their lower arms, they grunted loudly and put their contents on the floor and walked out of the room with no more words.

"Okay, this is everything Bella...Some stuff you may not like but you have to trust me, you should have clothes that make you look gorgeous because you ARE"! She demanded and I was never in a position to argue with her...Alice could rule the world.

"I will leave you to get everything organised...I would stay but Jasper and I have a date tonight and I need to hit the spa before I get there" She replied and I nodded sighing internally at the amount of things that were now mine...Did these people not care about money?

Alice left the room and I unpacked everything from Tops, Dresses, Trousers, Underwear, toiletries, make-up and scented candles. Wow! I now had clothes...A lot more than either I or my mother had ever owned between us...

Again, as always I was speechless.

*~Esme~*

Clearing up the dinner plates I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket...I put down my soapy brush and reached into my pocket to pull it out...Edward's name popping up on the screen.

"_Hello Edward, are you okay? We were expecting you home tonight" _I said into the phone.

"Sorry mom...I will be home tomorrow night...I wanted to get as much practice as I could before the show next week"

"_Oh that's okay my darling...So how's it all going?"_

"Yes, it's going really well...I am feeling confident about it all now...How is Bella settling in?"

"_It's all going really well so far, Edward...I really think that you will like her...The house already feels like a different place!"_

"That's great mom...I look forward to meeting her"

"_Will you be going to school on Monday...I can call in for you and explain?"_

"I don't know yet mom, if I can get back to Forks in time in the morning then I will go if not then I won't...I won't miss anything anyway"

"_Okay my darling...I will se you tomorrow night then. I have missed you, Edward"_

"I have missed you too mom...See you tomorrow night. Love you"

"_Love you too sweetheart, bye"_

I flipped the phone closed and sighed contently as I picked up the brush and continued to wipe the rest of the dishes, the sound of the crickets in the forest to calm me.

**Okay short and sweet again but now I can get things rolling with the entrance of *drum roll* Forks high school!! :D**

**Merry Christmas Eve everyone...It is nearly half one in the morning here in 'SUNNY' UK...That is how much I am addicted to writing this story now.**

**Keep reading and reviewing...!!**

**Thanks **

**.S. x**


	9. Fears and Nightmares

**Chapter 9 est. Here! :D**

**Thanks to 'Spidermonkey-09' and 'YankeeDiva' for their reviews....**

**Wow...A chapter on Christmas Day for you....I can never keep any promises.**

**I am now stocked up on 'Soap and Glory' for the next five years thanks to my GORGEOUS sister! I hope everyone got what they wanted!**

**I do not own twilight....The brilliant Stephanie Meyer does!**

**So here is the meeting between mademoiselle Bella and monsieur Edward...I will warn you now that this story is not a 'love at first sight' story I believe that relationships take time for two people to get to know each other so it won't be easy for Bella and Edward...Let's just put it that way... **

*~Bella~*

I stepped out of the shower and was about to sit down and dry my hair when my door flung open.

"Good morning, Bella!" Emmett called out to me; I screamed and tightened my grip on the towel across my chest.

"Emmet!" I almost-yelled...Feeling the sudden blush to my cheeks.

"Bella....At least you have something covering you, it could be a whole lot worse" He chuckled looking me up and down to make me feel even more inadequate.

"I came up here to say that you will be riding with me today" He exclaimed...I froze instantly not wanting to be in a car with him if Rosalie was there...I swang lightly on my feet my body moving slightly trying to calm myself down.

"Are you alright with that, Bella"? He asked, looking confused and admittedly a little hurt.

"Yes, Emmett....Thank you" I answered him...Biting my lip from wanting to ask him about Rosalie.

"Emmett....Is Rosalie mad at me?" I asked...taking my lower lip into my mouth again.

Emmett exhaled and threw himself onto my bed on his back...He turned to face me as he lay there.

"Bella...You have to understand something...Rosalie finds it hard trusting new people, she may look like she has a huge deal with you but she really does – just give her some time and she will warm to you" He explained and I smiled...

"I am sorry...I don't mean to make an issue out of it...I just...I don't know" I trailed off.

"Come and have a seat a minute, Bella" He said...Patting the bottom of the bed.

I shook my head still holding my towel up with one arm.

"Please?" He asked me....After a few moments I walked over and joined him on the bed...He took a strand of hair and threw it back behind my shoulder...I lowered my head to the floor feeling very vulnerable...I was after all just in my towel.

"Is something bothering you besides Rosalie, Bella" He asked.

"No...I just feel like I need to make people comfortable with me...Especially people like my family and the people connected with them." I sighed "Is that wrong?"

Emmett chuckled..."Of course not, Bella...Everyone in the world wants to go through life wanting to be liked and appreciated...I am sorry if Rosalie made you feel uncomfortable"

"She didn't...I was afraid of asking you whether she was upset with me because I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable" I stated tears filling my eyes.

"Bella" He said touching my cheek "I doubt there would be anything you could do to make me feel uncomfortable with you....You're my sister and I love you already" he said and I giggled through a sob sounding ridiculous. Emmett pulled me into his chest and wrapped both his arms around me...I wrapped my arms on his shoulders now trying to keep both of our weights over my towel.

"Thank you, Emmett" I said into his chest "You have all been so great to me"

"It's our pleasure, Bella...You were a hit before you came here with my dad and sometimes I admit he doesn't always make the right decision but he was spot on with you. I just hope you feel the same way about Edward as you do about Alice and me" He stated. I frowned a little at his remark...Why would I not like Edward?

"What do you mean, Emmett?" I asked him pulling away from his hold and holding my towel back up again.

"Edward is...Unpredictable...Much more than us two – He's a great guy and I love having him as a brother...But he has a tendency... he just can switch from time to time...One minute he will be talking to you normally and the next he will be shouting his head off."

_Was Edward the troublesome brother? Would I be able to deal with him if he decided to shout at me for no apparent reason?_ I decided to wait and see for myself – I had no right to make a judgement about anyone before I had even met them.

"Thanks Emmett but I am willing to be open-minded" I said before climbing off of the bed.

"How long do I have to get ready?" I asked him

"About half an hour...Although don't be looking like you did at the weekend....Otherwise I will have my work cut out for me" He smirked and I shook my head at him.

"You don't need to worry about that, Emmett" I answered as he pinched my cheek and walked out my room.

Forks high school....I didn't know what to expect and even if I did I wouldn't think about it; I made my outfit simple but added a few changes of my own – It will take me a long time to get to grips with the whole make up thing...'Doing it right' was harder than doing it 'in order'.

I grabbed a green sweater from the wardrobe along with a pair of black trousers and matching green underwear; I hadn't worn any of it yet and I figured that because I was in a neutral mood I would have a neutral colour on...Maybe with a darker colour on I wouldn't draw attention to myself which was almost impossible seeing as I was probably going to be the only new girl entering the school year that has already started..._Breathe Bella you can do this._

I wiped a pale blue colour over my eyelids and added a touch of liner, I surprised myself with how steady my hand was when putting on the liner...Maybe this makeup thing isn't so bad after all. I added a touch of foundation to my face as I had liked the new darker tint to my natural pale skin tone last time Alice had put it on for me.

I had done the same with my hair as Alice had done at the weekend – making sure that I didn't go over the top, I didn't care about my hair and I would chose to go to school with it all natural but Alice was no doubt going to hunt me down and make me up when we were in the school grounds.

When I had finished my hair I went down to the washing room and put my towels in for a wash and turned it on the right programme...The house was quiet except for the faint sound of the television which was obviously Emmett as Alice had gone back round Jasper's and Carlisle had gone to work...I had no clue about where Esme was, she had mentioned something last night about the garden so I presumed then and there that she would be in the garden.

I did-up my room doing little things to make it look cleaner, I didn't want to mess up the room as it was just too beautiful and I wouldn't think that Esme would be very appreciative of me. Once I had finished I picked up my bag – which was a simple colour of brown and then took a deep breath before making my way to the living room.

Emmett was stretched out on the sofa pressing buttons into his cell-phone as he turned to see me enter; he looked up and down at my appearance and smiled.

"That's better...Still very pretty though" He said, smiling and winking at the same time...I smiled in response and readjusted my bag on my shoulder.

"So you ready to go?" he asked me, I nodded back and he climbed off of the sofa and grabbed his gym bag from behind...I looked at the bag and then up to his face.

"Gym all-day...Coach wants us fitter for the game next month" Emmet replied with a small chuckle at my obvious unknown grasp of the sports world...I hoped to god that we wouldn't have to have gym every day like in Phoenix, five days a week and a lesbian teacher named Ms Condon was more than enough for me to handle...Everyone had always left me till last to be picked because I had a record of accidents made to both other people and myself – Any kind of sports aren't good for un-coordinated klutzes like me, we should be made to do an academic subjects instead of making ourselves look like twits in a gym.

Emmett lead the way out of the house and locked it after him, I took the time to gaze at his Jeep...It was nothing special but it was typically Emmett and the cleanliness wasn't at all great but I wasn't expecting him to drive a Mercedes like his father...Emmett wasn't the type.

Emmett climbed into the driver's side, I was surprised at the fact that his door wasn't locked but brushed it off and climbed in next to him on the passenger side, he turned on the radio and some songs that I didn't recognise blazed through the interior causing it to shake with the percussion beats...I stayed motionless and silent not allowing the nerves to get to me...If I got nervous now I wouldn't be able to get through the door.

"So the reception is straight in front of the parking lot...I will walk you in if you like but I will have to leave you because I have to hit registration before signing in to Coach Merton...Is that alright?" Emmett asked snapping me out of my concentration.

"No...Thank you all the same Emmett but I think I can find my own way...Besides if I don't know my way now then I never will" I answered as nicely as possible.

"Okay, Bella...Just be careful....Not everyone in Forks has a good reputation...I should know that better than anyone" He answered with a nod.

I nodded in reply....Not really knowing or wanting to say anything to his remark...I hadn't met anyone yet and I was in no position to make judgements right now.

My stomach began flipping increasingly as Emmett parked the car into the parking lot, Forks High School could look really beautiful if the weather in Forks wasn't so much like the weather back at home...The rain didn't make it clear enough to see and the clouds added darkness and gloominess to the atmosphere. Emmett patted me on the shoulder lightly as I turned to him.

"Are you going to be okay, Bella?" He asked, I was so thankful that someone like Emmett looked after me...I guessed it might have been a little difficult for him with my early tension with his girlfriend, Rosalie but I needed to keep my side of the bargain.

"Yes, thanks Emmett." I replied feeling a little choked up.

Emmett smiled at me one last time and turned off the ignition before both of us got out of the car at the same time.

I threw my back nervously over my shoulder and made my way the same way to where Emmett had gone towards a pair of double doors...I gained a few stares that I could feel at the back of my neck but I wasn't prepared to put my head down and give them more ammunition to target me.

I walked through the doors the smell of bad canteen food and chemicals hit my nose...I cringed a little but soon got used to it walking down the long corridor...I was lucky that the reception was sign-posted things could have been a lot worse for me luck-wise.

I headed through another pair of double doors and got to a large desk in front of me...An elderly woman was standing behind it looking down through her semi-circle classes in front of her, I approached the desk slowly and leant on the counter before she instantly looked up to face me.

"Hello young lady, Can I help you?" She asked me nicely with a warm smile.

"My name is Bel...Isabella Swan, I am a new student" I said hoping that information would be enough.

"Ah yes" She beamed her smile growing wider on her mouth...She reached down and disappeared out of sight for a few moments before coming back up with papers in her hand.

"Here we go Ms Swan...Your timetable and a school map...There is also a log sheet in there which I need you to get signed by your teachers for each lesson today and you will need to give it back to me at the end of the day okay?" She explained handing me each of the pieces of paper in turn.

"Thank you very much" I replied back, taking the papers and skimming them as quickly as I could.

"Your locker number is 029 which is down this corridor here...You will have to get hold of your own padlock or combination lock" She said.

"Okay" I replied, that didn't seem too difficult.

"Have a good day, Isabella" She replied and smiled...I smiled and walked backwards out of the double doors now on a search to find my locker.

I wasn't standing very far from it which was lucky too; _It's going okay so far, Bella _I thought as I opened the dark blue locker...I looked inside to see how big it was...It was medium-sized...Back at home our lockers were much smaller so we needed smaller bags to fit them, my brown one was going to fit perfectly in these lockers. I closed the locker again, deciding that carrying my back around wouldn't be a bad thing and turned by back to the now closed door leaning against it as I read the school map.

Mondays were...In order, English Literature for a double, Trigonometry for a double, history and Biology...Tuesdays were History double, Gym, Social studies and double English Literature...Wednesdays...I had two free periods in the morning and then Gym and Physcology....Trigonometry and Government studies....Thursdays I only had three lessons, Double biology and history in the middle of the day and Fridays had a total of four lessons...Gym, Double government studies and Biology. I breathed a sigh of relief once I had finished, we had to have P.E (which was known as Gym here) five days a week in England whereas in Forks I only had it three times and overall it wasn't a bad timetable...I seem to only have the subjects that I was really good in but I assumed that maybe that's what they did in America...I was now living as an American.

I took my bag off my shoulder before putting the log sheet away and kept hold of the map and my timetable...Luckily I brought a notebook that I found in one of the draws of my bedside table last night as I had a feeling I may need it...I put my bag back on my shoulder before looking at the watch...I had ten minutes left before the first period so I decided to make my way down there early...Looking at the timetable again...English Literature was held in building four...

"You're Isabella Swan, right?" A voice caught me off guard as I shot my eyes from my timetable to look next to me to find a young boy standing there leaning against the locker next to mine casually.

"Yes" I answered...Slightly worried that he knew who I was.

"I'm Mike Newton." He said before holding his hand out to me. I took it hesitantly.

"Oh, it's nice to meet you, Mike" I said nervously...He had a stronger grip than me.

"So...What do you have first period"? He asked me casually, _this guy doesn't seem to have a problem with being sociable_.

"Double English Literature...In building four" I finished hoping that my subtle hint would make him tell me where it was.

"I am on my way to building seven...I will show you the way if you like"? He offered with a smile..._Yes!_

"Thank you, Mike" I replied appreciatively as he gestured to show me the way.

"So you're from England?" He asked me as we began making our way to our lessons...Passing various different people and their killing stares.

"Yes" I replied...It didn't surprise me and I reckoned that I was going to get my home country mentioned a lot...I did stick out like a sore thumb to everyone else in the way that I spoke.

"That's awesome...I have never had a friend from England before" He stated and I smiled awkwardly...Were we friends? I was in no position to pass up friends but I had known him for about five minutes.

"So here are all the buildings" He stated stepping out into the outside again and he was right there were four main buildings in a semi-circle shaped around where we were standing "to get to buildings four to eight you need to go straight down the pathway between buildings two and three and make a left" He said as we approached the pathway he was talking about. Why is it that buildings look so large on the outside but once you get inside everything is simple? I could remember this...I know where all the buildings are now so I shouldn't ever have a problem with getting lost.

Mike and I ended up outside an identical building as the others with a large letter '4' above the door; I exhaled looking at my watch again I had three minutes before the class began.

"Thank you, Mike" I said as he smiled.

"I have a double in Building six...Wait I have said that before haven't I....Yeah, well if you'd like I could meet you outside here and maybe...Show you the way to the cafeteria for lunch...Only if you want to though" He babbled as I tried hard not to laugh at his slightly evident nervousness.

"That would be great, Mike. I will see you then" I said and he nodded walking off to his building as I went into mine without another word being said.

English Literature has always been one of my favourite subjects...I used to spend a lot of time in our local library at home to develop my reading further bringing large numbers of contrasting novels and plays home to read and study for pleasure...This action had paid off as this term we were studying 'Romeo and Juliet' which I have studied in detail before and the novels we were studying were 'Wuthering heights' and 'Persuasion'...Bronte and Austen were my favourite novelists...Their work was like my guide. This was going to be an easy year for me in that subject and I was silently relieved.

It had begun to rain again as I walked out to meet Mike's smiling face outside of Building four.

"Hey, did you enjoy your first official lesson at Forks High?" He asked me, I didn't think he was aware of the face that he and I were both getting soaked.

"Yes thanks" I answered, the biting wind beginning to pick up through the spray of the rain shower.

"Right..Let's go" He said as we both ran back to the main building.

The canteen was on the first floor and thankfully was only one stair climb...There were another set of double doors as the smell of food got closer and my mouth was beginning to water slightly.

Forks High School's canteen..._Bella you're in America now...It's a cafeteria..._Was plain and somewhat strange...There were a large mix of people and I imagined that not every single student was now present in the cafeteria which amazed me, there were a huge amount of people in there and I found myself wanting to run. I stood awkwardly with Mike...Watching and waiting for him to do something.

"Belllllllaaaaaaaa?" Before I even had time to register the calling of my name Alice had bounded up to me and grabbed my arm...I saw Mike turn to look at her at the corner of my eye as well.

"I see you have met Mike Newton, Bella" Alice chimed...Giving Mike a look I couldn't distinguish. Mike then left us both and joined a table in the centre of the cafeteria...With two girls giving me contrasting looks and two other guys. Alice tugged on my arm that she still had a grasp.

"Our table is over here, Bella" She sang before leading us the way.

"We have our own table?" I asked confused and somewhat amazed.

"Of course, only the best for us Cullen's" she said linking our arms together and walking towards the table.

"Hello Bella" Jasper acknowledged and smiled at me, I smiled back.

"Hi Jasper" I said back...He had a way of making me feel calmer...If that was possible.

"Bella, come and sit next to me, you didn't waste any time getting to know a guy in your year did you?" Emmett said as I sat next to him, Rosalie sitting on the other side playing a game on her cell phone.

"He showed me to my lesson...He was very helpful" I said defending Mike...And swiping off Emmett's remark at the same time.

"I think it's nice that he helped you, Bella" Alice said grasping on to Jasper's hand tightly on the table.

I smiled to Alice as a way of thanks and she nodded ever so slightly in understanding..._Thank god for her!_

I looked at the large amount of food on our table and then looked at Emmett.

"Don't start, Bella...It isn't all for me" Emmett snapped and gave me a dramatic look of disgust, I giggled a little...Emmett was a lot of things but once thing he wasn't was an actor.

"The majority is" Rosalie remarked and looked up at Emmett; he poked her in the ribs with his elbow and she chuckled at him, giving him a kiss on the lips.

"So Bella, how did you find your first two lessons?" Alice asked me after a moment.

"Good...I have already read this year's material" I stated and she smiled.

"She sounds like Edward" Jasper said with a smirk.

"What do you mean?"

"He is always ahead...Top of the class and the majority of the teacher's favourite" He answered me...I was still in awe about Edward Cullen...I still had yet to meet my other new brother and I hoped that it would be soon before I got too used to Alice and Emmett as my only siblings and overall only us three siblings.

"He will be back tonight, Bella and you can determine that for yourself" Emmett said before grabbing two slices of pizza off of the plate and scoffing it down.

The rest of lunch went by quickly...I wasn't that hungry but did choose to nibble on a slice of pizza so that I wouldn't collapse later. Emmett, Alice and Jasper had all said their goodbyes to me beforehand and Alice informed me that she would be waiting in the parking lot when school finished and I thanked her. When they had all gone (including Rosalie who didn't say goodbye) I grabbed my bag...It was five minutes before the bell went for the end of lunch and walked towards the same double doors to my next lesson I pushed the door outwards to exit when I heard a loud thump from the other side...I gasped and was still as the door swung back towards me before rushing out...I must have hit someone and that wasn't good.

I was out on the other side and looked to my left... A guy was on his knees picking up his scattered belongings. He was pale, had brown hair that had bronze colours that shone in the light...He was sighing angrily as I bent down to pick up a few small books that were by my feet...He collected the rest before standing up fully...He was an inch or two taller than Jasper...His features were chiselled but had some clench in them as he gazed at me.

I held the books out to him with an apologetic look on my face; he grabbed them from my grasp.

"Why don't you watch where you're going!" he snapped at me, creases showing in his forehead. I flinched away at the sound of his voice.

"I am so sorry....I'm new here and-" I started

"Funnily enough...I don't care and I haven't got the time for a life story right now." He broke me off.

I was getting annoyed now...The door was outward opening and it could have been anyone on the end of it, _did he really need to act this way?_

The guy grunted suddenly as he opened one of his books, a small hole appearing in the middle and the pages ripped a quarter of the way down...I felt guilty now.

"You know that I will have to pay to get this replaced...Are you going to pay for it by any chance, new girl?" He said still angry but with a hint of sarcasm.

"I will....Of course I will pay for it" I answered...It seemed only right as I was the reason for the book being damaged.

"I should think so...Now if you don't have any more desires to destroy my property...SOME of us have lessons to get to"! He grunted before walking off in the opposite direction away from me.

Tears began to rim my eyes as I walked away...I had a feeling that I had made a new enemy...Just what I needed.

The rest of the day went quickly; although I did spend all of the time having flashbacks of what the guy had said to me...Even though I had attempted to try and wipe it from my mind it seemed impossible to get his piercing stare out of my head.

Trigonometry was another easy lesson, I had been in an advanced class in England and I had been put into an normal tiered class this time in Forks. I knew what I was doing and I was under the impression that school was going to be too easy this year for me. Trigonometry was led by a very boring teacher who was on the brink of retirement, there was an atmosphere in the room which I didn't like, it looked like none of the pupils liked him much either but he hadn't been rude to me so I was able to bear it for as long as it took as long as we stayed out of each other's way.

History was a much nicer class...Not as nice as English but a close second...The teacher was a young female with a deep, husky voice with a eye for detail...She had been the only one nice enough to not order me to introduce myself in front of the class and I was grateful to her for that.

When I had got to Biology my heart literally had fallen into my stomach when I realised who would be with me in the same class....It was the guy that I had knocked over outside the cafeteria the guy who's words I hadn't been able to get out of my head the whole day.

He glared at me and rolled his eyes as I entered the classroom..._Do not cry, Bella...Do not let him see you cry._ I fought back the tears as I gave the teacher my log sheet.

"Hi Ms Swan...Welcome to the class...Here's the stuff you need and just follow along until you catch up okay. Mr Yorkie?" He said before looking over my head to someone in the class.

"Yes, Mr Banner" I turned to see who the teacher had acknowledged and saw a guy, much shorter than the other guys I had met, he had sleek black hair gelled back in a flat-style and had glasses...His skin tone slightly olive. He smiled at me and looked back at the teacher.

"Ms Swan is your new lab-partner" the teacher said before gesturing me towards the seat

I nodded and then walked over to the desk quickly and taking my seat before any more attention could be drawn to me.

"Hi...Isabella is it?" Eric asked me as I sat down

"Yes" I said...How is it everyone knew my name? I guess any kind of news is welcome in Forks and considering how well-known Carlisle was it didn't seem surprising that the whole town new about me already.

"English? Very nice" Eric complimented me and I smiled, opening my bag which I had placed on the desk to pull out my notebook and a pen.

"Listen....If you ever need anything, you know like a lunch-date, agony aunt...You only have to ask me" Eric told me as I placed my stuff down on the desk and leaned over to put my bag under the desk.

"Um...Thank you" I answered...Feeling a mix of sadness of seeing the door-guy again and the kindness that Eric had already shown me.

"You're welcome" He smiled and turned towards the teacher to listen to the lecture.

I was so pleased to see the end of Biology class..I walked out with the log-sheet I needed to hand back to the receptionist I met this morning...Keeping my head down I sped as fast as I could to the reception through the familiar double doors facing the same woman from this morning.

"Hello Isabella, did you have a good day"? She greeted me and I placed the log-sheet on the desk in front of her.

"Thank you, Isabella...Everything is sorted now. You have a good night and I will see you tomorrow" She said before I nodded and walked out.

I didn't want to get into a conversation...I needed to go home and be on my own for a while in seclusion.

I went out into the parking lot and instantly saw Alice waving excitedly at me...I waved slightly with much less enthusiasm and walked towards her.

"Hi Bella...So how was your first day?" She chimed. I groaned internally I had hoped that I would have got through the day without anything bad happening and it would have done without the door-incident.

"It was okay thanks Alice" I answered with as much enthusiasm as I could.

"Well...Let's get home" She said before we both climbed into her car.

We both got home with limited conversation...Once we were inside I excused myself from dinner saying to Esme that I had assignments to do...She agreed and said that work was more important but that I must eat something at some point. I felt guilty that i had lied but I desperately wanted to crawl under my covers and cry for most of the night.

How did I let it all get to me? Why did I care so much about how some random person acted towards me? It just seemed ridiculous for me to act this way? For the moment I didn't care.

I made my way upstairs and wrote into my diary about my day – the good and bad points...Then putting the diary away I lay under the covers and leant into my pillow deeply and finally allowed myself to cry....I had forgotten how long I had held my emotion in...I was thankful that no one came to check on me, they seemed to respect the fact that I needed time to 'work'.

It was about two and a half to three hours later that I emerged from the covers at the sound of voices downstairs, Emmett or Alice must have been going out and everyone must have been saying their goodbyes.

"Bella?" Esme's voice called from downstairs, muffled slightly by my closed door...I climbed out of my depressed place...Ran a few fingers though my hair and checked my reflection in my bathroom mirror...Luckily my makeup hadn't left marks I exhaled and walked out of the bathroom turning off the light and then walking over to the door of my room...Opening it and closing it behind me to make my way downstairs.

I got to the living room and Esme was there in front of me.

"Sorry to disturb you Bella" She said and I felt confused as to what she meant when it finally clicked in my head that she thought I was working.

"That's okay Esme...I have finished now anyway" I said...My voice low...I cleared my throat once I heard it.

"That's good. I want you to come and meet Edward with me, Carlisle will be back soon...Alice and Emmett have both greeted him and gone out for the night so you are the only one left.

_Edward..._I had completely forgotten that I was meeting him today...After all the heightened emotion on my first day it seemed all of the things I was actually looking forward to went straight out of my head.

I beamed at Esme and she smiled back "Great" she said before taking my hand and taking me into the living room.

We both entered the living room and there was a man standing with his back to us

"Edward?" Esme called before we reached the entrance, he turned instantly and I instantly felt completely and utterly sick.

_No....No....This can't be happening....Please tell me this is a nightmare...Please!_

It was unfortunately real and I was left staring into the eyes of the one person I had not wanted to see again if I had a choice for the rest of my life.

The door-guy from outside the cafeteria in Forks...The person who books I destroyed....The person's who's angry voice and almost evil remarks had earnt a good half amount of all my tears for most of my night was staring right back at me.

Piercing eyes meeting my astonished ones.....I think I am going to throw up!

**Dum dum dum!! :D**

**Will update with the next chapter tomorrow....Everyone enjoy the rest of all your Christmas's!**

**Thoughts? Changes? AND If you would like your own dedication in the next chapter...You know what to do! **** Send me a review.**

**Lots of love and drunken joy**

**.S.**

**x**


	10. Realisations

**Hello readers...I need to take the opportunity to say that my email has completely messed up...I do not know whether my updates are being sent to readers when I update chapters because it is not coming up on mine so I am sorry in advance if you do not get 'Alerts' for new chapters I will try and sort this out as soon as I possibly can.**

**Thanks to 'Archerywoman', Krazykat144' and 'Scrapmypieces' for their reviews....3!**

**Here is chapter 10 for you on this boxing day...Sending lots of smiles and hugs to the people who are continuing to read and support me with this story.**

**I do NOT own Twilight....I own my imagination.**

**~~~Tunes for this chapter~~~:**

***Everybody's changing – Keane***

***Guilty – Flyleaf***

***Racal Flatts – My worst fear***

'_Previously in 'a Misshapen Life......._

_The door guy from the canteen in Forks High was now staring back at me...Piercing eyes in my own astonished ones...I think I am going to throw up'_

~*Bella~*

I didn't know what to do...He gave me a look as if he either didn't remember me or whether he chose to suck it up for the moment and then storm away from me as he had done back in Forks...I tore my eyes away from his and put them back to the floor....Esme was still standing beside me, our awkward stares and awkward tension going unnoticed.

"Bella...This is my youngest son, Edward....Edward this is our new family member, Bella" Esme chimed in the exact same fashion as Alice did when she had introduced me to Jasper yesterday...I could feel the contents of the two pizza slices I had earlier moving around and my breathing had started up...I had to resort to closing my mouth in order to muffle the intensity of my emotion.

I brought my gaze slowly back up to Edward and he was still standing in the same position..Almost statue-like the only difference this time was that he had brought a hand up in front of me stretched out towards me...._I don't want to touch you....I don't want to be anywhere near you..._I grimaced and kept my arms firmly at the side...He put his hand back and gazed downwards our roles of glances now reversed.

"Well...I will let you two get acquainted." Esme said before walking out...There was no doubt that you could read the tension in the room and no doubt cut it with a knife but I have never felt so sick before and it was all over seeing a person...Not an illness or a spot of the flu/cold. Edward stance had not changed and my stomach did one final flip and my throat had automatically begun to open up as I clenched my stomach...Desperately wanting to hunch over and cradle it in my hands like you would a baby.

"Bella..-" He began his voice now steady and normal volume.

I put my hand over my mouth...Turned sharply and raced as fast as I could down the corridor and up the stairs to the second floor to my bathroom...If I was going to be sick then it would be in my own bathroom...I didn't want to have anyone clean up after me.

I managed to get to my own toilet...Crouching down and grabbing the sides of the rim with both hands as hard as I could by a few mere seconds....I violently emptied my system grimacing at the uncontrollability of the whole situation and the grogginess I felt.

A few stray tears had fallen from my face as I finished...I flushed the toilet instantly after me, pulling the lid down as I got to standing...I grabbed some tissue and wiped my mouth making sure I left no traces of that experience left on me...I slowly went to the bin, awakening my legs up again from their crouching slumbers and threw the tissue away...I couldn't hear anything downstairs and I was glad that Esme hadn't heard me – she would be up here in no time at all.

I pulled my hair into a ponytail with a clip I got from the cabinet and grabbed a makeup wipe, removing all the makeup from the day off my face instantly feeling a bit better as I did so. I closed the door to my bathroom when I had finished in there and turned to find him...Standing there with a folded up dish towel in his hand which was pointed out towards me....Again, I couldn't find my legs.

"For your face" He said simply and moved the flannel around in his grasp making some kind of indication that I didn't know what a flannel was..._jerk._

_Bella the sooner you let him do whatever he needs to do....He will leave_ I had always battled with my head daily but I had never wanted to shut my thoughts off as much as I did right now. I walked to the bed sitting on the end with my hands in my lap as I heard him move across the room, his feet sinking into the fibres of the carpet quietly.

He knelt in front of me and began to move closer...I didn't flinch or move away...I couldn't even if I wanted to....It was as if my body refused to but my mind was thinking otherwise....The coolness from the flannel hit my forehead...it felt so amazing on my clammy skin and I leaned into it slightly soaking up as much of the coolness as possible...I knew that he was close to me....A little too close for comfort and I didn't want to look at him again so I closed my eyes...Keeping my concentration on the cold sensations rather than the itchiness of my fists wanting to be in contact with his face.

He gave my forehead a few strokes and pats before moving down to my cheeks....my jaw...the other cheek...my nose and my mouth whilst remaining silent. I couldn't deny about how good it felt.

He stopped and I opened my eyes again, the now almost dry towel was on the floor by his knees and I looked up at him...His eyes now smoother and less intimidating....He leant back and put his weight on his knees.

"Are you okay?" He asked me...Wow his voice was like velvet..SO similar to Carlisle's and I instantly had the feeling that maybe this was going to be a situation where I would pour my heart out...I did it with Carlisle so right now, anything was possible. Why would he care if I was alright anyway?

"You don't care" I said..Sharpness to my voice..._Let's see how he likes being spoken to like that_.

He exhaled, our gazes still locked but he wasn't angry like I was waiting for him to show to me again his eyes were soft...They almost had a slight hint of regret in them but I figured it would be best to throw that idea out of the window.

He was silent as we looked at each other...If only I could read minds then I would be able to handle this whole situation so much better.

"I am officially....An arsehole" He said frankly and I burrowed my eyebrows together...Did he just say that?

"First I treat you like dirt...Then you are sick BECAUSE I was a bastard to you and now I ask if you are okay...Instantly thinking that you would just answer me like nothing ever happened...How stupid is that?!" _Okay, what the hell is going on?!_ I gaped at him probably looking like an idiot I had no idea what he was babbling on about and I didn't really want to stay around and listen.

"I am so sorry, Bella... for today....After I left I instantly felt horrible about it and made a promise to myself that I would find the girl I yelled at and apologise. I had no right to make you feel like that and it could have happened to anyone but you caught me at a bad time and whether or not I was in a shitty mood does not condone my conduct...If only I knew that you were my new sister, then I would have felt what I have been feeling since we all decided to adopt you....Excited".

WOW...I have never heard an apology like that...His words seemed so sincere and genuine and I found myself instantly wanting to forgive him...What was it with these Cullens? I wouldn't have it any other way but they were going to have to teach me to speak like they do someday. I smiled a little at him...My body starting to ease up slightly. He did not return my smile; he was waiting on my answer which I could see in his eyes....I exhaled a little.

"You were really horrible to me.....Edward" His name felt so much better coming out of my mouth and it also sounded better than 'him' which was what he had been called in my head.

"Bella...You're eyes were puffy when I saw you downstairs....I need you to be honest with me...Was I the one who made you cry"? He asked...With a surprising amount of concern...How could I have made such a big deal about any of this – I needed to learn how to not take things literally and to not care what others thought...I felt terrible that Edward had done those things to me without any of us realising that we were now adopted-siblings...What is happening to the world? I always want to stay in the loop of things...I don't take risks and I don't like spontaneity...I am too scared to face all of those things.

"You want the truth...Or a 'good' lie?" I asked him still hinting sarcasm.

Edward smiled a little at my remark and stared at the floor for a moment before scrunching his face up...Obviously in a battle with his head and his morals.

"I would like to hear a lie..-" He began looking back up at me."But, the truth please Bella?" He said with an exhale...I knew what it was like to want to accept a lie when in an actual fact it isn't the truth and isn't the reality of the whole situation.

"Yes" I said simply...Wanting to hide again.

"I am so sorry Bella....I really am...If only you could turn back time eh?" He said and I was amazed that I was able to smile back at his attempt at making a bad situation a little funnier..._Maybe there isn't anything wrong with him after all...He seems genuinely sorry, Bella._

I could hear my mother's words in my head now...'Everyone deserves a second chance'...I usually disagreed with her and we would get into a heated discussion about our contrasting opinions but this time I was willing to give Edward another chance...He was after all, my family now.

"I forgive you" I said as another smile swept across his face...Not out of humour this time...But relief.

"You do?" He said still holding the smile.

"One one condition." I replied.

"Yes"? He asked looking slightly confused.

"I am not buying you replacement books" I said and he chuckled.

"I was never going to hold you to that" He replied and I smiled back.

He put his hands on the floor and stood up to standing...He rubbed his legs down a few times and them shook them lightly before standing upright.

"So I think we should start again" He stated....He held his hand out to me...I narrowed my eyes at him and stood up myself stretching a little as I went "Hello Isabella Swan...I am Edward Cullen" He said before smirking at me.

"Hello Edward, it's nice to meet you" I said...Biting my lip with laughter at how ridiculous I felt.

"Likewise Bella...So how are you liking your time here so far?" He asked me before I felt a twinge in my stomach again....It wasn't vomit this time...I was actually quite hungry and I had forgotten all about the fact that I had thrown up anything I had eaten today.

"Edward...I will answer that but I am going downstairs to eat something" I said before walking away from him to the door.

"Shit...Yeah I should have guessed really" He said with embarrassment. I smiled a little and was pleased that he decided to follow me towards the kitchen...I got inside and opened the fridge when Edward's hand came out to stop me.

"I will sort this out for you, Bella" He said tapping my hand away...I took a few steps back.

"No, Edward it's fine.." I started

"Bella...It's the least I can do right now...Besides can't a brother make his sister a meal?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"You didn't make it...It's just leftovers" I said and he looked down...His expression pained...I instantly felt bad that he had offered to help me and I had made him look like an idiot.

"Edward...I am sorry I didn't mean that like it sounded" I bit my lip and watched his expression as he brought his face back up...His hand still on the fridge door.

Edward smiled a huge smile that showed his teeth this time and I instantly caught on that he was winding me up...I hit him across the chest but he carried on chuckling.

"You really are an arsehole" I said back intentionally wanting it be out of venom but it came out smooth and....Well....Normal.

"That's what older brothers are for" He said gesturing for me to sit down...I sat down at the kitchen table as I watched him work...poking the cling film on the top of the bowl and then turning the microwave on and placing the food in. Once he had pressed the start button he turned back round to face me.

"Would mademoiselle like et boisson avec elle meal"? He asked me with another smirk...His voice was in a different accent...I recognised it as being a French accent but I didn't know anything about the language.

"What's French for....'I don't know what that means'"? I asked him back and he chuckled.

"Okay I know one thing now....You don't know languages but you recognise accents" He stated confidently...._Duh!_

"I asked you if you would like a drink with your meal...I even kept the English word of meal in there, Bella" He said still continuing to wind me up.

"I will just have water please" I said as he then went to the cupboard and grabbed a glass and then walked over to the fridge pulling out a bottle of Evian and putting it in front of me.

"Thank you...Are you usually this relaxed in the evenings, Edward? Or is it just new girls who smack you with doors who anger you?" I teased.

"You're never going to let me live that down now are you?" He asked me with a sigh...I nodded and he then smiled.

"Touché...I would hold it against you too" He replied and we both chuckled together.

The microwave beeped and he turned back round putting the steaming food onto a plate and putting it in front of me...Before sitting down opposite me he retrieved a knife and fork from one of the drawers and put it in front of me.

"Thank you" I said appreciatively

"You're very welcome...Little sister" He chimed finally taking his place in front of me.

I began to eat welcoming the savoury taste on my tongue...Why is it that you never realise just how hungry you are until after you have eaten something? I smiled as I swallowed the first bite, the slight burn going down my windpipe which ordinarily I would have avoided but today I kind of liked it.

"That good, huh?" Edward asked me from across the table...I nodded.

"Esme is a fantastic cook...You, Emmett and Alice are lucky to come home and have this ready for you every night" I stated grabbing another bite from my fork.

"Yeah you're right we are" Edward said as he reached over to the side and pulled out his phone from his pocket and putting it out in front of him for a few moments...I stayed quiet munching the food to myself before he let out a groan and put the phone on the table.

"Your girlfriend?" I asked...Feeling a bit uneasy about whether if I should ask him about it.

"You could say that" He answered me glumly...I held my tongue and took another bite.

"She's a girl that I have fun with occasionally, she is.....Needy to say the least" He stated...Why would he go out with someone he didn't like?

"Oh...I see" I replied.

"Anyway...I reckon Alice and Emmett know more about you than me so I need to get catching up, Bella" He said...Licking his finger and gesturing it to the air...I took a sip of my water and waited for him to ask me something.

"Favourite music?" He asked..._You need to get better knowledge in music Bella!_

"I have only ever listened to classical music...That was all my mum would listen to...Yiruma, Christopher Beck, James Newton Howard and Debussy were her favourites" I replied.

"Nice...One brownie point to Bella" He laughed out.

"Are we keeping points?"

"Of course...We shall see who scores the most" He smirked.

"Okay....Favourite artist?" I asked him...Finishing my last bite of dinner and pushing the bowl away from me to put my arms on the table.

"Picasso by far" He answered

"Picasso? No...It has to be Van Gogh" I replied "Minus one point to one"

"Okay, I have a feeling that this isn't going to be easy" Edward replied with a chuckle.

"Favourite Books?"

"The Bronte's and Austen"

"Which ones?" he asked studying me.

"Persuasion..."

"One point"

"And Wuthering Heights" I added

"Minus one"

"Favourite Books?" I directed the question back at Edward

"Hardy and Dickens"

"Two points" I said and smiled.

"Playwrights?" He moved on

"Wilde, Shakespeare and Ibsen"

"Three points"

"Favourite subject"? He continued.

"A toss between Biology and History"

"One point"

"Nature or Construction?" I asked.

"Nature"

"One point"

"Risks or sensible choices?" he asked me.

"Sensible choices"

"Minus one"

"Love or lust?" I asked.

"Lust"

"Minus one"

"Favourite colour?" he asked. Wow...These were a lot of questions!

"Yellow" I answered even though I like brown too.

"Minus one" _Damn It! "_Okay the final scores are....Bella has a total of 3 points and I finish the game with 1 point...Did I do that right...Oh I can't be asked, Bella you won, congrats" He said giving me a mocking cheesy smile and a thumbs up.

"Yeah thanks I guess" I answered him, giggling inside...Like Alice and Emmett, Edward knew how to make me laugh...Not necessarily WITH him but it didn't matter..Everything that happened today has long gone out of my head.

"So Bella Notte...What do you want to do?" Edward asked getting up and getting my plate off the table..I had gestured to protest but he tapped my hand away again..._Bella Notte? Tess had called me that at Sandgrove._

"Edward what does that mean?" I asked...._Maybe he would know._

"What does what mean....Oh, Bella Notte?" He replied and I nodded at him.

"Bella in Italian is Beautiful and Notte is night...It means beautiful night" He answered...._Beautiful night? Why would someone want to call me that? That didn't even make sense?_

"It is better known as a love ballad in the Disney film 'Lady and the Tramp'" He then explained.

"Oh...I understand it now" I gasped and he chuckled.

"You read detailed novels Isabella and the only reason you know two words in Italian is from a DISNEY movie...Seriously? I didn't know you had it in you" He said with his back to me.

"Some of us aren't chained to books, Edward" I replied.

"Do you write, Isabella?" He asked me after a moment...Looking like he had completely forgotten my last remark.

"I keep a diary but that's it...I don't write stories or anything" I said with a bit of uneasiness.

"I thought so" He said..._Emmett was right, Edward is unpredictable._

"What do you mean?" I asked, vaguely interested.

"I can tell you write a lot...You're a deep thinker, right? Writing is a form of therapy for you...Something to make you feel better at the end of the day?" He asked me...I gaped at him, had I ever mentioned my diary to him in the last two hours?

"Yes" I said still awestruck

"Don't worry Bella I am not a mind reader or a physic there is just this insight and wisdom about you...My dad was right...You are mature for your age" He said turning to me with an enthusiastic smile.

There was the sound of a key turning in the lock as myself and Edward turned to find Carlisle entering the house...Soaked from the rain...He turned towards the kitchen immediately and saw us both in there, he placed his briefcase down and walked towards us.

"Hello Bella" He greeted me, kissing the top of my head...He then walked towards Edward and pulled him into a hug...The two patting each other on the backs in welcome.

"Hello Son" He said whilst they were still entwined

"Hi Dad" Edward answered with a smile....The two men broke apart and I was fascinated at just how similar they were and they weren't father and son biologically...I could sense that Edward was probably more prone to moodiness and broodiness than Carlisle and I could tell that maybe Carlisle could have his own bad moments if he were pushed but together when they were like this they were two pieces of a perfect shape.

"Did you have a good day, Carlisle?" I asked him

"I did, thank you Bella....Tess and Frank send their love...I see you two have already met" He said looking at myself and Edward in turn.

"Poor Bella was wondering when she was ever going to meet her new brother, Edward" He smiled cheekily at me and I looked back at Edward who was biting his lip...No doubt thinking about how we first met and how we had started off this evening...I snapped out of the memory I wouldn't tell Carlisle...I didn't want to...Edward has proven to me already that he didn't mean it and I believe him...._Just like I do all these Cullens._

"I am glad I did, Carlisle...My family is now complete" Edward smiled at me and Carlisle returned the smile as well.

"Have you seen my Esme anywhere?" Carlisle asked Edward.

"She went to see the Newton's...Something about a recipe...Mrs Newton wants mom to give her a cookie recipe for her sister's party in Los Angeles next week. She should be back soon though" He reassured Carlisle and Edward then moved to his original seat opposite me.

"Well I will wait for her to come back; will you tell her that I will be taking a few calls from my office if she asks where I am"? He asked both me and Edward.

"Yes" Edward said and I nodded at the same time.

"Thank you" Carlisle said lovingly and walked out of the room.

"Thank you Bella for not telling my dad about today" Edward said once we both heard Carlisle close the door to his office.

"That's okay Edward" I replied.

"Well, I have about an hour to kill before I go out...Would you like to watch TV or something"? He suggested.

"Where are you going out?" I asked

"My best friend, Seth he owns a bar down in La Push...The Quileute reservation and I normally pop down for a few...I get discount" Edward said as I thought about the fact that if he was ever caught drinking in England if he was underage he would get fined on the spot...I didn't know what the age limit was in this country but it certainly wouldn't be Edward's age.

"Relax..Bella...I don't drink down there where the local chief of police can spot me, Seth closes up and Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and I all bring store-brought products and have a get together with Seth and his partner Leah."

"Oh I see that sounds like fun...Are Alice and Emmett there already?" I asked, knowing that I hadn't seen Emmett since lunch today or Alice since I got home.

"No I don't know where they are at the moment...That's the thing with those two they just flit in and out whenever they feel like it and you never know where they are" He replied.

"I've noticed" I replied with a small smile.

"I'll meet up with them later...Hey you want to come with us?" He asked me with a tone change in his voice.

"Oh no thank you, Edward...Parties they just aren't my thing" I said feeling embarrassed, Edward nodded in understanding.

"Some other time then?" He asked me and I nodded.

"So...We have time before I go...Did you want to do something?" He asked me again getting up from his seat.

"Like what?" I asked standing up too.

"Hold on...I think I might have something that might interest you" He stated before gesturing me to walk towards him...I was behind him when he started walking out of the kitchen, into the living room and up the stairs.

We got to where my room was on the second floor and carried on going up another flight of stairs and I groaned again when we went up some more stairs, now on the fourth floor there was only one room at the end of the corridor and the door was open.

"Come with me, Bella" Edward said grabbing my wrist to lead me the way.

The room was huge, there were six main windows covering the walls...Medium sized with a view of the forest outside...The walls were white and the ceiling a wooden flooring. Artwork was covering every empty space of wall, many I didn't recognise and there were collections of family photos of the Cullen's some historic where the canvas paper had faded and some modern and bright white. There was a grand piano in the centre of the room which I immediately assumed was Edward's as Carlisle mentioned he was musical.

Edward was silent as he went over...Past the piano to a wall by the furthest window by the door...I stayed where I was not wanting to knock anything over or damage the room in any way...He pulled a small picture that I couldn't make out towards him and it came off of the wall on one side. He pressed something and the wall then came out...Only it wasn't a wall it was a sliding door disguised as a wall.

Edward turned to me and lifted up his index finger gesturing to me to go to him...I took slow, gradual steps making my way towards him.

"Its okay, Bella the only thing that is valuable in here is the piano and the thing I am about to show you behind this door" He said as I finally stood next to him. We both walked into the door together and once it had closed behind us, Edward pressed another button behind another picture frame to his right and another door opened in front of us.

_Oh my god_

We stepped into a room, designed the same way as the one we had just left only this time there were ten different double books shelves shaped around the room as a semi-circle...I couldn't describe it...It was just too beautiful.

"This is our library Bella" Edward told me as I stared open-mouthed at the sight before me "Around seventy percent of the books you are looking at are all antique editions...There are no more left in the world now...However." He stopped and went to one of the bookshelves trailing his finger along one of the rows...He stopped and pulled one out nodding before coming back to me.

"This is for you" He said before handing it to me I took it, the smell of old books hitting my nostrils....I opened up the book which was a surprisingly small hardback and blew the dust off the cover before opening the first page.

_My Darling Edward_

_I have left this for you to give to someone who has real need for it and someone who will love it as much as I did_

_All my love_

_Mom_

I turned the next page and there in the most elegant script I have ever seen was the book's title:

**Persuasion**

**By Jane Austen**

I shot my glance back at Edward who was smiling down at me.

"I like Austen but I never read it often...Or even appreciate it as much as you probably do Bella, I want you to have that... it has been here for years since my mom died and it should go to someone who deserves it" He told me.

I shook my head violently...

"No, Edward I appreciate it...I really do but I would lose it or damage it or something" I put the book back out to him and he stopped me with his hand.

"My behaviour today was unacceptable and I am aware that Emmett and I are the only ones who have yet to get you something as a welcoming present...This is mine...Please take it Bella, I would prefer it if it went to you" He replied his voice sentimental and caring.

I didn't know what to say...I was so choked up it was beyond words...This was a copy that never belonged to anyone else in the world...It was to be mine and ONLY mine. I looked at Edward through tear-rimmed eyes.

"Edward...How can I ever thank you?!" I choked out.

"You don't need to...You have forgiven me and that's all I ever ask of you Bella" He replied and he grabbed my free wrist and took me back to the piano room...We walked down the stairs and another to the second floor...He stopped me as we reached my room.

"I will be taking you into school tomorrow...Emmett has to go in earlier for practice and Alice doesn't have lessons until the afternoon, would that be okay?" He asked.

"Yes thank you, Edward" I replied

"Right..Well I better be off" He said before leaving me to walk back down the stairs.

I went into my room and sat on the bed...Immediately going to the first chapter of the book...I was about to read the first line when there was a light tapping on my door...I looked up from my book and across the room to find Edward standing there leaning against the door...His car keys in his hand.

"One more question Bella" He said

"Yes?" I asked putting the book down fully on my lap.

"Good brother or bad brother?" He asked and I giggled a little.

"Do you want a lie or the truth?" I replied back to him.

"Truth please?" He said smirking.

"Good brother" I said with a nod.

"Ten points" He answered and he chuckled."Goodnight little sister"

"Good night, bro" I answered as he chuckled one last time before walking down the stairs.

I picked the book back up and began to read again....

_Edward was a nice guy after all_

_Thank God!_

**Okay that's it for Chapter 10....PLEASE keep the reviews coming guys and any thoughts you may have or where I need to improve.**

**Thank you! **

**.S. x x**


	11. Needing and Caring

**Hello Everyone**

**Well it seems that I now have my email under control.....*Fingers Crossed* **

**Thank you to 'R A W W W R' for your review and I can understand how you got a little confused about the questions between E/B last chapter....I re-read it this morning and was like 'Good point' :D....I'm sorry about that ****.**

**I know it is getting repetitive but 'A Misshapen Life' now has had nearly 3000 hits and nearly 900 visits in the space of a week....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU...HUGS to everyone who has taken time to read this...I realise that the genre it is under is not present at the moment...I needed to get every Cullen meeting Bella before ALL their lives changed...It's not going to be happy for much longer as I have plans for them...*Evil laugh*.**

**I do not own Twilight....ALL credit to in that department.**

**Here is Chapter 11.....ENJOY!**

**LEMON in this chapter (an estimate of maybe three quarters of a lemon this time)...Skip ahead if you do not wish to read it.**

Toones:

"I gotta feeling – Black Eyed Peas*

*May angels lead you in – Jimmy eat world*

*Sweet Sacrifice – Evanesance*

*~Rosalie~*

"Damn it, Emmett!"

As we were heading down to La Push soon I decided it was time to re-do my makeup...The people that live on the reservation needed a bit of jaw-dropping...I have seen the girls down there and believe me I have seen monsters more attractive.

I was in my towel after an hour long shower...Putting on my lip-gloss when Emmett had crept up on me and attacked my neck with kisses causing me to slide the gloss from my lips to the side of the cheek...I slammed the lip-gloss down and groaned...he then spoke to me...His voice vibrating off my shoulder and his breath on my skin.

"Don't worry babe...I don't mind licking it off for you" He said and I squirmed...How does he always know how to turn me on? I resort the majority of my time playing hard to get because I want to feel some kind of power for myself but I always seem to crumble...It's weird how I never seemed to think about sex growing up, I lost my virginity young..Under circumstances which I force myself not to re-live in my mind day after day...It would have been nice to give it to Emmett...I suppose fate had it differently.

Now with Emmett, I adored sex and no..I am not a whore, which I know that people have been calling me but I couldn't give two shits...I love Emmett I was attracted to him the day that we met, there was something about him....I loved how he was so attentive and still is....In our physical relationship however, Emmett and I don't always just have 'Sex' we have each other...Both our bodies and our minds connect...I mean of course, we were known to have some fun every now and then, exploring different ways that we could please each other and I was always grateful for it. Emmett knew about my past when he first became my boyfriend and he had been so patient with me...Allowing me to open myself up to him and trust him more and gradually want him and feel ready to show him how much I cared for him...It was the best night of my life!

"I am sure that can be arranged later" I said speaking into his head, he had moved his hands from my shoulders to the top of my towel...His mouth still trailing every inch of my leg "I have just had a shower Emmett" I said, in my mind I wanted to say that in a moan in an attempt to get him off me but damn man knew how to play me...My voice was breaking and it came out in a moan of pleasure instead.

"Really? Your body's is telling me differently, Rose" He teased as he pulled the loose end of the towel from my armpit and opened me up fully..._Grrrrr_ I could never say no to him when he was like this...I got up from the chair...I was suddenly annoyed at myself for putting a bra and a panties on when I had got out of the shower..As always I was never prepared for what myself and Emmett were going to do...I stood in front of him in my newest 'Victoria's Secret' set as he hungrily looked me up and down..Emmett could eat me whole if he could and would die a happy woman...He always brought out the inner-animal in me (if that's the best way to put it). Emmett was in his white 'Calvin Klein' boxers..._god white is a good colour on him.._His approval already evident as I looked him up and down slowly...He moaned loudly in frustration...If there was one thing I did know was how to make him wait – there were times when we would literally 'fuck' each other until we were both sore and we would feel the evidence in the morning and other times he would be slow and sensual with me waking up all my sense from my toes to my head...I preferred both ways of course.

"You know we only have a couple of hours until we have to be there Emmett" I said angrily.

"Well....You standing there looking like that Rose is going to make it hard for me to ever leave this room" He answered, his voice low and husky.

"So what do you suggest we do?" I asked him, putting my hands on my hips and tilting my head and one side of my body to the right.

Emmett walked up to me then...His hands instantly coming forwards to touch each side of my neck...I whimpered a little under his touch but attempted to remained strong....Emmett pulled my neck up and I lowered it slowly rejecting my desire to lean it back straight away...He breathed kisses all over my neck as I put my head on the top of his...My arms wanting to touch him so badly..

"Well we can start here" He said into my neck as I continued my inner battle with my head and my emotions..."And then maybe come down here" He said as he moved his mouth down to the top of my breasts..._Jesus this man had a tongue on him..._Emmett dragged his tongue across my chest and before I had time to register anything he had removed my bra with one pull on my back and began to massage them....I wanted to moan and I wanted more but I figured that he should have to work for this...I would have to have another shower after all.

He had removed his hands and replaced them with his mouth...Licking around my hardened nipple on my left breast and massaging my right one...I stayed motionless, surprising myself at how easy it had been not to touch him back. Emmett treated the right one in the same way before grabbing one of my legs and hitching it around his hips...His arousal pressing against my centre..._Jesus! _

Emmett wasn't giving up as he moved his face up to mine, his lust filled eyes staring into mine.

"Rose I know you want this...and...Jesus do I want you" he said his breathing erratic.

I opened my mouth to speak when Emmett crashed his mouth down onto mine...Letting his tongue poke at my bottom lip requesting access to mine....I was losing it slowly...Emmett had always known how to kiss me better than anyone else I had ever been with and there was a part of me that wondered whether he knew what he was doing...Because it wouldn't be the first time.

"Rosalie...Please"? He whispered against my lip "I need you, Sweetheart" He said and just like that I opened my mouth to him giving him the moans I had been holding in...He moaned back and twisted his hands in my hair as we attacked each other's mouths.

I crumbled...What can I say...I am a woman who has a gorgeous boyfriend.

Emmett brought one of his hands back down to pull my leg up harder against his waist...I knew what he wanted and I couldn't say no as he already had me completely...I lifted the other leg never disconnecting our mouths and wrapped my arms around his neck pushing my mouth deeper into his. Our arousals were now connected and my new underwear was already wet...I didn't care...Emmett was more important than an item of clothing..._Did I just think that....I believe I did._

Emmett had walked over to my bed and pushed me underneath him my head now deep into the pillows...He continued to kiss my stomach and rib-cage never leaving any of my body untouched..I felt alive when he had his weight on me and I enjoyed that I could please him as much as he could to me. I threw my head back into the pillow stretching out through my toes as Emmett pulled my panties down with his thumbs kissing the trail as they left my legs completely...He worked his way back up and I then hooked my own thumbs underneath his boxers...I kept still as Emmett's mouth left my skin and his eyes connected with mine.

"Emmett, kiss me" I said and he smirked with a sigh escaping his lips as he touched his lips to mine...I pulled the boxers down for as far as I could manage, pulling myself upward and closer to Emmett's chest as I went...He shook his legs to get the boxers completely off and onto the floor.

Now we were completely naked together and even though Emmett and I had gone out for over two years now the feeling of our skin together is something I will never get bored of; I felt safe with him I always had done.

"I love you, Rosalie" Emmett said

against my lip as my heart soared at his words...He used one his hands to pry both my legs apart and I opened them up fully as he then positioned himself at my entrance watching not to squash me as he did so...Emmett had a big build and he would no doubt crush me if he put his weight on to me.

"I love you too, Emmett" I answered him finding it hard to keep my voice steady as my hips automatically thrust upwards to meet his.

Emmett stroked my face tentatively not connecting us yet as I looked up at him.

"You know there is no one else, Rose" He said truthfully to me as I bit my lip and smiled at him.

"I know...I only ever want you Emmett" I choked out and he pushed himself into me both of us moaning in harmony as I twisted my legs around his waist as tightly as I could.

After I had a second shower I was surprised to find that I had enough time to get ready..Seeing as it was La Push I didn't want to make myself look TOO good..I mean Seth's club is great but it isn't a nightclub or anything and I always found myself getting into strange antics with Emmett and his family, some occasions clothes were destroyed and memories were blank the next morning...I chuckled at the thought as I picked out my black skinny jeans and blue glittery one-shouldered top out of my wardrobe.

Emmett had gotten dressed before me and was downstairs waiting for Alice and Jasper to meet us and we could then go together...I put my clothes on and squeezing into my new pair of heels that I brought at the weekend on and walked into the bathroom.

I packed my little clutch bag once I walked out of the bathroom and went downstairs. Emmett was sitting on the sofa staring at the blank TV screen...I walked over to him on tiptoes and attacked his neck with kisses...He didn't jump however he just hummed in appreciation.

"Getting me back are you babe?" He said smugly...I took my mouth off his neck and spoke into his ear, breathing over it before speaking.

"Considering you made me jump and then have to take another shower...There is no way I am through with you just yet" I said my voice intentionally deep and Emmett flinched a little not out of fear but arousal.

"I love it when you threaten me baby" He sighed out...I was loving the effect that I was having on him and if we weren't about to go out then I would form a plan to make him beg but I guess all good things must come to those who wait.

I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled on it hard to tilt it up...Face to face I looked at Emmett's eyes before opening my mouth half-way and grabbed onto his bottom lip taking his mouth into mine and reconnecting our tongues.

I wanted this kiss to be a memory for him to not be tempted to flirt with any other women before closing time tonight...This kiss was of passion and determination as I pushed a bit more of my weight onto his mouth causing him to moan loud and deep as our mouths got deeper and deeper down each others.

"Rose" He whispered as we came up for about half a second of air his breath on my lips from his erratic breathing...I knew that whisper...He only ever said my name like that before we had sex and right now I knew that I had him...Call it revenge for making me crumble earlier. I placed my tongue over the top and the bottom of his lip before taking his mouth into mine again I could see his straining erection at the corner of my eye...I felt powerful.

Just then the doorbell rang and Emmett jumped a little and moaned into my mouth...Well more like grunted in my mouth. I pulled our lips apart and smiled against them before coming down to Emmett's ear again.

"Saved by the bell monkey boy" I said before looking at his face fully...He looked annoyed more than anything and his lips were tight in a line...I smirked and looked at his jeans for a moment before returning my eyes to his.."You might want to put junior to bed now, Emmett" I said as I walked towards the door.

I ran my fingers through my hair quickly, cleared my throat and opened the door to find Alice's and Jasper's beaming faces.

"Hi Rosalie, so sorry to interrupt the pair of you" She sang..._Grrr this girl, I love her but she knows everything about anything and it gets on my tits._

"That's alright" I replied as politely as possible trying to hide my annoyance and Alice merely smiled.

"So are you ready to go?" She sang and I glanced at Jasper.

"Please tell me she hasn't had a drink already, Jazz?" I asked him with a moan...Alice was tipsy and I guess it wasn't fair that she had a drink before us...Then again I could talk I was too busy having sex with my boyfriend to have one..._Jesus, Rosalie why didn't you think about having a drink WHILST having sex? I am making a mental note of that for next time._

"Well...I have only had the one and if someone wasn't too busy eating her boyfriend's face off then she would have had time to have one herself" Alice replied with sarcasm...She was right..._I hated it when she was right._

Jasper smiled at my reaction which I hadn't meant to display on my face but thank fully Alice had not noticed..She walked through the door and called over my shoulder as I gestured for Jasper to come in too...Like a gentleman he stayed on the doorstep and waited for an invite.

"Where's Emmett?" She said...I closed the door and faced her..._Go and jack-off the minute they arrive Em....That sure doesn't look obvious._

"He went to the bathroom, he should be out in a minute" I answered her, Alice raised one of her eyebrows but then nodded in understanding.

"Hey guys" Emmett greeted Alice and Jasper as he came back in the room...He glanced a stern look at me before returning his gaze to the two midgets in the room.

"Hey Emmett" Alice and Jasper answered in unison..._Ugh why were those two so in sync...If people were made for each other then these two would be complete soul mates no questions asked._

"Shall I get us all a drink?" Emmett asked as Alice and Jasper sat down on the sofa he recently vacated.

"Have you heard from Edward?" Jasper asked as I walked over to the armchair smoothing the back of my top out with my arms before perching on the end..._Fucking new heels!_

"He sent me a text saying he was leaving the house and that was around five minutes ago...We have time to have a drink while we wait for him at the pub if we go now or we can stay here have one and go" Emmett said as I looked at Alice and Jasper to see what their reactions were.

"I think it would be best if we go." Alice said after a few moments as she turned to Jasper and he nodded back at her..._Ugh what a walk-over!_

"Awesome..Let's go then" Emmett said as he grabbed his keys from the bedside table next to him and headed towards me.

"You okay babe?" He asked as he realised that I hadn't moved.

"Yes, great" I answered with a smile, Emmett grabbed my hand entwining them together before opening the door with his other one.

The air in Forks tonight was not as cold as I had been used to these past weeks...It felt great not having to wear a coat and wrinkle up your outfit... I climbed into Emmett's jeep as I looked out the window to see Jasper and Alice climb into theirs they gave me a friendly wave before driving off out of the driveway. Emmett climbed in next to me soon after as we set off to La Push.

"You know Rose...We will need to talk about your conduct earlier later" He said and I stifled my laughter...Emmett's voice was stern and that could only mean that he was pretending, never sign him up to be an actor he wouldn't last two seconds.

"Oh yes" I teased in a higher pitched tone.

"Yes...You do NOT and I repeat NOT do something like that and leave me to deal with all of it myself" He replied...I was biting my lip harder, I knew he loved it and there was no point in even denying it.

"I am sorry Emmett I had to do it...I was thinking too much about how great your dick felt inside of me" I replied..._Talk dirty Rosalie, as if your life depended on it._

Emmett grunted as I carried on speaking..Edging myself closer to him.

"Your hard, throbbing dick milking me...Sending a fire through my body" I said as I looked over at Emmett's hands which had now tightened into fists on the steering wheel.

"Do you like it when I talk like this, Emmett?" I teased with a smirk on my face.

"Ungh" He grunted.

"Are you hard now, Emmett? Are you ready to release into me?" I asked him...He drew his bottom lip into his mouth and nodded slightly.

I could do two things...I could relieve him then and there whilst he was driving or I could wait for later...._Hmmmm?_

"Maybe later" I answered and I turned back to face the window...Emmett slammed on the brakes and we both went flying forward my chest almost hitting the dashboard..I spun my head to face him,

"Emmett, What the hell"! I shouted as he looked straight into my face.

"Rose, you are going to be the death of me" He stated as I smiled and rested back into the seat...We were still unmoving, thankfully we were on a country road otherwise this would be a recipe for traffic.

"Come on, Emmett we have a pub to get to" I said keeping my focus at the windscreen.

"I don't think I want to go after all" Emmett stated...A childish edge to his voice and I sighed...I twisted my body round to release my seat belt and opened the door...closing it as I landed on the grass. I walked on ahead knowing that we were in La Push already because I had been here countless times, if I had got my bearings correct then Seth's pub was only ten minutes away from here.

I heard the car door close and I picked up my speed a little, not needing to look back.

"Rose...What are you doing?" Emmett shouted

"If you want to go home then go ahead...I want to have fun tonight" I answered him.

I felt a tug on my arm and I was pulled back, my face reaching Emmett's his stare was angry and I whimpered a little internally..._God Rosalie what did you do now?!_

"You can't keep doing that, Rosalie...Turning me on and then going cold" Emmett said as he stared me down.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I LIKE seeing the effect I have on you, Emmett...Do you not think that I want to have a little fun too every now and then" I answered quietly not wanting anyone living on this road to hear us converse about our sex lives.

"What are you talking about, Rose...You have fun" Emmett replied, taken-aback by my remark.

"I always plan to and then I always crumble..Like when I was getting ready tonight I was determined to not touch you and to let you practically break me apart bit by bit and then when you said you needed me..I couldn't refuse you" I explained.

"So... me needing you is wrong?" Emmett asked me..._Always getting the wrong end of the stick!_

"No...I would just like to have some control every now and then...I know what you say to other people...They say that you always say that I am the one who takes control in this relationship when it comes to sex and it's bullshit...The only way I admit I control you is when you are away from me and I don't know where you are...I want you to always think of me, Emmett when you see other women on nights out without me because I would rather throw myself off a bridge than see you leave me" I was pouring my heart out here and this wasn't like me...I cleared my throat and looked back up at Emmett's face.

Emmett crashed his lips on to mine wrapping his hands in my hair as I responded with enthusiasm..When we had run out of things to say we would kiss...Then spend the time whilst we were kissing to figure out what to say next. Emmett pulled me away from his lips but kept his grasp on my head, our noses almost touching.

"Rose...I will never leave you and I am sorry for the way I acted...You should have some control sometimes and I will help you learn more if that's what you want...You know I love you Rose, I would have you every minute of every day if I could" He told me.

I nodded and put my hands on his cheeks, stroking them up and down a little embracing the moment with him...The cool air surrounding us and the moonlight shining above us.

"Come on, let's go" I said kissing his nose....He took my hand and we walked back into the car and drove off without another word.

*~Edward~*

Climbing into my Volvo I couldn't help but keep the smile on my face...I had felt so god damn awful earlier on when I had found out that it was Bella I had yelled at...I tried desperately to make it up to her by apologising and spending time with her...I wanted to show her that I wasn't usually like that, when I have bad days I seem to piss everyone off so everyone has the good sense to stay away from me. However Bella and I now seemed to get on well together, I enjoyed her company and I was very pleased about having her as a younger sister. I turned the keys into the ignition before reaching into my back pocket for my phone.

I flipped the phone open...

_Em_

_On way now to La Push...Meet you there_

_Edward_

I pressed 'send' and drove out of my driveway and onto the main road...I looked back at the few bottles of beer on my back seat which I had managed to retrieve from my friend, Jacob Black who lived near Seth's pub...I groaned knowing that I would have to wait another five more years to be allowed to buy alcohol.

I got to Seth's pub 'NEON' in quick time...I parked my baby into an empty space and climbed out of the car...I would have to wait until closing time before I came back for the beers...I clicked the locks on my key and walked inside.

NEON was always filled with people...The majority I didn't recognise which would only mean that they were locals...I walked towards the bar and the barmaid came over and stood in front of me.

"Hey handsome what can I get you?" she asked me and I gave her one of my crooked smiles.

"Just an orange juice please?" I answered her as she cocked one of her eyebrows up.

"Too young eh?" She asked me and I turned my eyes back to her.

"You could say that" I answered her as she went away to get my drink...I ran my hand through my hair hoping that the others would show up soon...There was a little bang as I looked on the bar...My orange juice was there and I instantly reached out to my back pocket to retrieve my wallet...I stilled when the barmaid put a hand up to me.

"On the house young'n" She said.

"Thank you" I replied as she smiled and went to serve another person further down the bar.

I took my drink and sipped a little and felt my taste buds open up....The barmaid had put vodka in my drink..._Ahh it's great being me!_

I took a larger swig and smiled at the burn trail to my stomach...I reached for my phone again in my back pocket when I felt a little tap on my shoulder. I turned.

"Hey Jake" I said with a wide smile as my good friend Jacob Black was standing there smiling in return.

"Hey Cullen, what brings you down here?" He asked me

"I am meeting my family down here...With any luck they should be here soon" I answered "So how have you been?"

"Yeah, life's good I mean just the usual..School, fixing up cars, looking after dad you know, mate" he said and I nodded.

"I actually came over to ask you something...I have been hearing things" He started

"What about?" I answered back..._If that Jessica Stanley has said one fucking word!_

"Your folks adopting another kid" He finished and I breathed out a sigh of relief, low enough for Jacob not to hear me.

"Yeah they have, her name is Bella. How did you find out?" I asked him.

"My dad spoke to the chief of police, Charlie and he must have heard it from someone else or something...But I was hoping to hear it from you instead" He said with a serious tone.

"I am sorry, mate I was away when Bella first arrived and I have had a lot on my mind since then" I answered...The fact that what I said was only half-true didn't seem to matter right now.

"So what's she like?" Jacob asked climbing onto an empty stool next to mine.

"She's interesting" I answered taking another swig of my drink

"Just interesting? You gotta give me more than that" He pleaded as I swallowed my drink.

"Okay...She is intelligent, funny and completely out of your league" I stated watching his face drop in amazement.

"Come on, man you know I didn't mean it like that" Jacob replied with a chuckle.

"Jake...I know you. That's all you're going to get from me and besides she is my sister now" I said wanting to draw a line under this conversation.

"Alright...alright...Well I will have to see you later, man I only popped in here to see Seth and my dad will probably be having a cow at how long I have been out. See you" Jacob said climbing off the stool.

"Bye" I said as he left the pub...I was relieved to see that the door that was being exited by Jacob was also being entered by Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper...I put my hand up and they noticed me immediately..Smiling at me as they made their way over to me.

*~Bella~*

I had only gotten through a chapter of 'Persuasion' when there was a knock on my door..I closed the book and put it on my lap.

"Come in" I said quietly as the door opened....It was Carlisle.

"Hi Bella, I am sorry that this is late but I just popped in to see how your first day was today" He said to me and I smiled, appreciative of the curiosity.

"That's ok, Carlisle...Come and sit down, please" I said as he smiled closing my door and sitting on the foot of my bed near one of my feet.

"Did you like the school, then Bella?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"Yes I mean...It was a nice building and the majority of my lessons were good but to be honest I never really liked school back at home...I kept my head down" I answered and he nodded.

"I was the same...Never popular like my children are...I was clever and I decided early on that if I wanted to go to medical school then I would have to work hard" He told me.

"You got there, though" I said

"Yes..But it wasn't all easy, Bella" He answered with a smirk. "Did you meet any new people?"

"I met this one guy called Mike Newton....I remember you telling me a little about him and I met Eric Yorkie too" I answered him..Keeping my focus on the book in my lap...If there was one thing I wasn't ready for yet it is 'boy-talk' with Carlisle.

"Yes, they are nice boys" Carlisle added and I smiled. "What did you think of Edward?"

I glanced up at him...His face looking relaxed but his eyes glistening with curiosity...I felt a tug in my stomach as I realised that I had to avoid telling him about mine and Edward's door encounter.

"He seems really nice" I answered.

"Is that all?" Carlisle asked me.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked him...Trying to get my head around the fact that Carlisle seemed to want to make me say more to him.

"Well...I can see his mother's book on your lap" Carlisle added and I winced.

"It's okay, Bella...Don't be alarmed it was left for Edward and he does with his belongings as he sees fit...I was just surprised that's all, he vowed to me that he would never be parted from it" Carlisle added grasping my shoulder in comfort.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"He said that the book was the only thing left of his mothers...He would only give it away to someone who truly deserves it" Carlisle explained and I nodded.

"That's what he said to me" I replied "It was nice of him...All of you have been too nice to me"

"Nonsense Bella, we are nice to you because we care about you" Carlisle said before leaning over and kissing my cheek...I smiled as he got off of my bed and walked over to my door.

"Oh one more thing...Do you know who is taking you into school tomorrow"? he asked.

"Edward" I replied

"Okay, great. Sweet dreams, Bella"

"Good night Carlisle" my door closed and the room was silent once more...I lay back onto the pillows and glanced at the clock...it was 9:30pm and I was not tired at all...I closed my eyes trying to get sleep to take me over but it was hopeless..I sat back up pulling my knees up to my chest and picked up the book again, continuing to where I left off.

(An hour later)

I had reached chapter five when I head a car pull up from outside on the drive...I looked over at the clock (10:30) before climbing out of bed and tiptoeing down the stairs.

I reached the front door and opened it to find Alice's hand in my face with her pair of keys.

"Sorry...I was about to open it myself" She said...Looking a bit too enthusiastic...I could smell alcohol on her and it wasn't hard to guess that she may have been at this point, a little tipsy.

"That's alright Alice, are you coming in?" I asked moving out the way as she put her hand up.

"No Bella, I came here to bring Edward home...I may need a little help though" She added stifling her laughter as she turned towards her car and pointed at Edward...He was slumped over the bonnet with his face down and his bottom in view..I frowned and looked back at Alice.

"What happened?" I asked a little concerned about Edward's current position.

"He seemed to have had too much to drink, Bella" Alice chimed back still giggling to herself.

I walked past her and made my way over to Edward.

"Thanks for doing this, Bella...You are awesome you are" Alice chimed as I stood at Edward's side pulling his arm up to wrap around my neck taking a good few attempts to do it completely...Alice climbed into the car and I gawked at her...Almost crouching with Edward's weight on my side.

"I am sorry Bella, I can't carry him up there...I would fall" she giggled out as I frowned at her..I opened my mouth to speak as she turned the engine on and drove away from us...I looked up at Edward who was asleep, his head in close proximity with mine and I walked slowly back to the front door.

I successfully managed to open the door and close it after me when Edward moaned and lifted his head up.

"Ahh I'm home" He said contently and a bit too loudly.

"Ssssh" I directed at him...Not wanting Esme and Carlisle to see this, I knew that they wouldn't approve.

"Where am I?" He asked me after a moment as I looked up at him.

"Your home, Edward...I am going to take you to your room" I replied walking towards the stairs.

"Well whatever you say, sweetheart" he replied as he wobbled trying to keep himself upright as we got to the second floor.

"There's my room" He pointed towards the room opposite mine..._So that's whose room that is!_

I opened the door as quietly as I could and stepped in with my arm still secure around Edward's waist...I walked towards the bed, my legs really starting to burn now as I asked him to turn to face me and then once he had done that I pushed him gently on to the bed.

"Edward...Sleep now" I said as I made my way back towards the door.

"Wait...You're going without a good night kiss?" He mumbled my eyes bulging out of the sockets..._Note to self...Kill Alice!_

"No" I answered my back still to him...I opened the door about to step out of it when Edward mumbled again.

"Bella, would you do me a favour and get me a glass of water?" He mumbled...Thank god he knew who I was!

"Of course, Edward" I replied making my way back down the stairs quietly and getting to the kitchen filling up an empty glass with tap water...Also grabbing some Tylenol from the cabinet just in case and went back to Edward's room.

I closed the door and made my way over to Edward's bed, perching on the bed opposite his stomach and putting the glass and tablets on the table. Once my hands were empty I grabbed Edward's forearm and tugged it a little.

"Edward?" I whispered

"Hmmm" He moaned.

"You need to get up and have your water" I told him as he swallowed.

"Could you help me, Bella?" He asked... I grabbed his arm tightly now and pulled him up, his torso now upright I swapped my hands over and reached for the glass of water...Edward's eyes were half-open as I placed the rim of the glass on his lips he secured both his upper and lower lip on the glass and I tilted it slightly so that he could swallow it down.

I was surprised at how thirsty he was...I took the glass away and he lay on his back again...I left the tablets there as he will probably need them in the morning and got up from the bed.

"Thank you, Bella....My little sister" Edward mumbled

"Sweet dreams, Edward" I replied before walking out of his room and closing the door behind me.

My body ached by the time I had closed my own bedroom door...I looked over at the clock and saw that it was now 11:30...I would need to be up soon...I took 'Persuasion' off of the bed and put it on my bedside table before climbing into bed and reaching over to turn off my lamp.

Once I was in the darkness I closed my eyes

I was out in seconds...

**Any thoughts? You know what to do?.....!**

**Thanks also to 'Yankee Diva' for her review...I received it just as I finished this chapter.**

**Next chapter will be up by tomorrow or a couple of days time...New year is coming and I need to get planning.**

**Thanks for reading**

**.S.**

**x**


	12. Changes and Confrontation

**Here is chapter 12:**

**Tunes: **

***Misery – Good Charlotte***

***Hallelujah – Kate Voegele***

*~Edward~*

"Ugh"! I moaned into the pillow as my alarm clock blared through my eardrums...I moved my hand gradually from underneath the pillow and felt around for the button on top getting angry that I didn't get it first time...Once I found it I put my hand back under the pillow liking the warmth.

"Good morning, Edward" A voice called making me jump, I swished my head around like it was on fire to find Carlisle sitting on my bed......._Shit....Shit....Shit!_

"Considering the look on your face, Edward I sense that you weren't expecting me" Dad told me as I groaned internally at the sound of his voice...I was in trouble and I would soon know about it.

"Hi dad" I managed to speak out, my voice hoarse from the night before.

"Don't hi dad to me Edward...I expect you are thinking of an excuse to get out of this one right now Edward and I am here to warn you not to bother" Dad replied his voice getting louder by this time "Get up" he ordered and I exhaled lifting myself up from the pillows..._Jesus..._Were my arms sore..I would have to take some Tylenol once this was all over. I got to my knees and then twisted my body to face Carlisle sitting on my ass and bringing up my knees.

"Care to explain....Edward? How I heard you coming home after curfew..Drunk and unable to walk so Bella had to help you into bed." My dad demanded and I shrugged...What did he want me to say? I had been caught, simple as that and I couldn't think of a lie right now..I didn't have the energy.

"No" I answered my voice a bit clearer now but not too much.

"You don't even have the courage to explain how you accepted help from a sixteen year old girl who has grown up with her mother being an alcoholic!" Dad whispered emphasising every word....I vaguely remember Bella being with me last night but I couldn't remember anything else..._God, Edward what have you done now!_

"I don't know....I don't know what you're talking about dad" I answered him and he grunted...My Dad Grunted!

"Of course you don't, Edward...You drank until you lost your memory...I thought better of you, Edward and I can't believe you would put Bella through this...I wanted to keep her away from her past and help her make a fresh start but you have only gone and made it all ten times worse...I hear everything that goes on this house and I am not a fool, do not treat me like one!" Dad explained the anger rising in his face...._WTF now Bella was the favourite....No what you did was wrong, Edward...Grrr....Why do I always have to face with two sides of opinions in my head....I am so confused right now, I don't think I can take much more._

"Dad...What do you want me to say"? I answered him.

"I want you to stay here whilst I take Bella to school....You will clean up and do what you need to do before you go to school yourself, don't even think about offering to pick her up...You, Alice and Emmett are in so much trouble and we will continue this later" Dad said before getting up and storming out of the room...I put my head in my hands and threw myself back on the pillows.

_This was going to be a long day!_

*~Bella~*

I woke up earlier than usual out of choice...If Edward was anything like Emmett I would need to put my clothes on before I did my hair this morning....I sat down at the foot of my bed and ran my towel through my hair as I contemplated on the night before. Why did Edward have to drink? I remembered him saying to me that he wasn't going to and I am somewhat upset that he had decided to...I remember my mum being like that...Knowing my name one second and then forgetting me completely the next...I never expected it from Edward though.

An estranged tear escaped my eye as I sat there with my towel in my lap...I just didn't understand I have been around unpredictable people in my life but this was ridiculous...I didn't know whether I could face him again at least not today...Should I let things blow over? I doubt Carlisle and Esme knew about it and I would be tied to another secret...I had tried to not let it bother me but it was uncontrollable...I couldn't get the images of my mother out of my head, I couldn't make them stop.

I loosened my grip on the towel not having the energy to carry on drying it...I put my head in my hands and kept them there, closing my eyes a little to attempt to breathe slowly through my nose and out through my mouth...I didn't even react to the sudden knocking on my door...I kept my face hidden not wanting anyone to see me like this. I heard the door open and close but there was no sound of a voice...Just muffled feet hitting the carpet.

_Why was I reacting like this...Bella get a grip it's not like YOU were the one who drank....I can't help it...I forgot how much my mum affected me with her antics...I guess I wanted a new change and I thought I would with the Cullen's....Why do you say that they have been so good to you and this is how you show your thanks....AHHHHH! I can't do this._

I sobbed into my hands as a pair of hands lay on both of my shoulders pulling me towards them...my cheek hit a stone chest and their scent hit my nose immediately...It was Carlisle.

"It's okay Bella...Let it out" Carlisle's voice soothed in my hair as he held me tightly...My nose began to sting due to the impact of my sobs and my vision was blurry..._Why did Alice put me in that situation last night? I thought she was going to help me but instead she just left me..._I had decided then and there that Alice had left me because she needed to get back to her boyfriend, again something that my mom did sometimes and it made me sick....I didn't understand how you could side against your own flesh and blood...EVER! Mom loved me but sometimes she loved Charlie more and for a while I hated her for it but then later she would come home drunk and apologise and I would be so worried about her that I would forget about myself...I didn't want to do that anymore...I needed someone to talk to.

"Bella, you need to tell me everything about last night" Carlisle said and I nodded into his chest as my sobs began to stop....So I was making a choice, my sister and brother were the ones who decided to leave me to tend to Edward and I didn't want them to get away with that...I have been through too much to slip back under the cracks.

"How did Edward get here?" Carlisle asked me in a comforting voice...He would have caught on that Edward's car wasn't in the driveway...I wondered then whether Alice had come home.

"Alice" I answered him meekly.

"Was she drunk as well, Bella?" Carlisle replied and I tried to remember how Alice was...She definitely wasn't in the same state as Edward but she had definitely drunk alcohol because I smelt it on her.

"She had drunk but I don't think she was..Drunk" I choked out as Carlisle rubbed one of my arms.

"Did Alice drive Edward home?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes...She said that she needed help with him and I walked over and held him up with my weight" I replied taking one of my sleeves and rubbing my nose over it.

"Are you in pain, Bella?" Carlisle asked and I shrugged under his hold.

"A little but I am okay really" I answered....It really wasn't that bad, it would go in a couple of days anyway I had suffered from aching muscles with doing the same to my mother.

"Why did you do it, Bella?" Carlisle asked me just as I was asking myself that same question in my mind...I could have let Alice come in and make a lot of noise and get caught but there was a part of me that wanted to be a good sister to the two of them...Maybe showing them that they could count on me if they were in trouble and it felt okay at the time, I was a little mad at Alice but when I woke up I really thought about it and I know it was stupid now...No matter how Edward was, he could have been hurt really badly and I should have turned away from him...He now owes me twice and I don't want to make a third.

"I just wanted to be a good sister, Carlisle" I choked out as the sobs overtook me again...Carlisle kissed the top of my head and whispered words of comfort to me....I wanted desperately to know what he thought of me..._Was he mad at me too?_

I brought my head back up and faced him, looking into his eyes for the first time since he had come into my room.

"Are you mad at me, Carlisle?" I asked him...I didn't care if I wanted to keep that question in my head I don't think I could bear him being angry with me.

Carlisle wiped the tears from my face with his thumb "No Bella...I would never be mad at you for doing what you did. I should be thanking you for looking after Edward...It's my other children I am mad at, Bella...Not you...I will talk with them I promise you this won't be happening again" Carlisle said as I nodded.

In my mind I wanted to protest and ask him to not be too mad at them but I didn't have the energy.

"Are you okay with going to school today, Bella...Are you well enough?" Carlisle asked me and I nodded immediately.

"Can I get you anything to make you feel better right now?" I looked away from him to think for a minute.

"Is it okay if I can have some Tylenol...My muscles don't hurt me that badly but I just want to be on the safe side as I will be walking around today" I explained and Carlisle nodded his head getting up from my bed I picked the towel back up from my lap and touched the ends of my hair.

"I will be driving you to school today, Bella" I turned to him and nodded in understanding. "I am also very sorry for this, Bella" He added and I frowned.

"That's okay Carlisle" I replied earning a smile from him...I was confused that he felt he had to apologise for something that Emmett, Alice and Edward were all involved in but I decided to let it go for now.

Carlisle came back after a couple of minutes as I was drying my hair and placed the tablets on my bedside table along with a glass of water..The same way I had done to Edward last night, he smiled at me apologetically and then walked out of the room.

Once my hair was dry – I sat on the end of my bed staring at my makeup back on the chest of drawers opposite me..._I could wear it or I could not bother.....Or I could put a little bit on...There's an idea. _

Before doing that I reached over on the bedside table and grabbed the glass of water and tablets with my hands...Swallowing both tablets and washing them down putting the half-drunken water back on the table.

I stood up and grabbed the bag and sat back down on the end of my bed putting a dab of foundation on the back of my hand and smoothing it over my face with my fingertip...I then found a 'nude' coloured eyeshadow and stroked that over my eyelids along with a touch of mascara..._Waterproof just in case I cry again._

I placed all the makeup back into the bag and put it back on the chest of drawers..I glanced at the clock I had about fifteen minutes to spare before I would go downstairs...I wrapped my hair dryer wire around the nozzle and put it back in my bathroom...I grabbed 'Persuasion' from the bedside table and walked over to the chest of drawers and placed it underneath some clothes before coming back to my bed and making it as best as I could...De-wrinkling out the sheets as I did so.

I grabbed my bag from the corner of the room and walked out of my bedroom...Making my way over to the stairs and walking down them.

I got to the living room and found that it was empty...I then made my way towards the kitchen and found Carlisle standing there by the oven his back to me.

He turned around instantly and my face came face to face with is...He smiled at me as I sat down at the table putting my bag by my feet.

"You look pretty, Bella" Carlisle said and I felt the blush come to my cheeks. "Would you like a drink with your breakfast?" He asked me after a moment.

"Oh Carlisle...You don't have to make me-" I started but he cut me off with his hand.

"It's the least I can do, Bella...Besides I can cook too...Not as well as Esme I might add but I can cook" he explained and I smiled...No one would be able to cook like Esme for the rest of my life...I knew that already she was just too good at it.

Carlisle turned the hob down and walked over to the fridge, opening it and scanning the shelves as I watched on...He faced me with one hand still on the door.

"We have milk, squash or orange juice" he said.

"Milk, please" I said and he nodded taking the carton out of the fridge, closing it and walking over to the glass cabinet and taking out a fresh tumbler and pouring milk into it. He took the glass and placed it in front of me.

"Thank you" I said

"You're welcome" He replied and walked away from me taking the carton and putting it back into the fridge and going back to tend to the eggs. I took a sip of milk and put the glass back down as Carlisle turned to me again.

"Did you want toast, Bella?" Carlisle asked and I shook my head...I never liked the taste of bread...I never had done...I didn't completely dislike it I just didn't like the taste.

"No thank you" I said and he nodded bending over to another cupboard and pulling out a plate...he pulled out a spatula from another drawer near to him on the left and scooped the contents of the pan out onto the plate...Putting the pan into the sink before adding salt and pepper to the food on the plate...He grabbed the plate and walked over to me putting it in front of me...The smell hitting my nostrils instantly and my stomach growled in anticipation.

"Thank you" I said as he smiled and walked back to wash the pan out using a 'brillo' pad of some sort to do this.

I scoffed the eggs down and washed down the rest of the milk...I had forgotten how hungry I was, yet again and I exhaled a few times before standing up plate and glass in hand and walking over to Carlisle, reaching under his arm and putting them in the sink.

"Thank you, Bella" He said as he washed the plate and glass up and the few other things in the sink wiping them and putting them on the draining board, he pulled the plug out the soapy water sucking down the sink in moments...He grabbed a tea towel from the drawer to his right and wiped his hands.

"Are you ready to go, then Bella?" He asked me kindly... turning to me and I nodded...Going over to hitch my bag over my shoulder...He folded up the towel and put it on the draining board and he gestured for me to lead the way into the living room...He grabbed the keys from the hooks behind the door...I had never noticed this before as Alice and Emmett had kept their keys on the end table on the other side.

"Do you need a coat, Bella?" He asked me as he twirled the keys around his index finger.

"No Carlisle...I am fine" I replied as he opened the door and led me out in the driveway.

We climbed into Carlisle's Mercedes and Carlisle turned the key in the ignition and put on his seatbelt in silence, I reached over to mine and strapped myself in as he drove out of the driveway.

"Do you not have work today Carlisle?" I asked him, noticing that he had left his briefcase in the living room as we left.

"I am going in later today, Bella" He answered me and I silenced myself...Contended enough with his answer.

Carlisle pulled up in the car park and stopped to allow me to get out.

"Thank you, Carlisle" I said turning to him.

"I will be picking you up later, Bella" Carlisle said and I nodded grabbing my bag from by my feet and opening the car door climbing out. I waved at Carlisle as he drove off.

I walked into the school and made my way to my locker to start my day.

*~Carlisle~*

I was LIVID..!

No actually that wasn't the right word...Furious is a better word.

After I dropped Bella off at school...I drove home the images of her crying into my chest earlier this morning clouding up my mind...Good god there were times when I had been angry at my children but nothing prepared me for what I was feeling right now...I had told them countless times that they needed to be responsible with alcohol as the affects they have on the human system is critical....The amount of times I have shouted at them to listen to me and they had always assured me that they would make me proud of them by following my instruction and like an idiot I believed them...Every time I believed them and let it go because inside I believed that they were good people and that they would make me proud one day...But right now, they have angered me more than words can fully express and they have also hurt Bella...The one person that they should be looking after in her new environment...They all in turn assured me that they liked her so they didn't have the excuse of doing what they had because they 'don't like her'.

As my brain jumbled around I pulled along the side of the road and slammed the brakes down, huffing as I pulled the handbrake and reached out for my cell phone in the glove compartment...I dialled a number into it and pressed 'call'.

It rang a few times before it was answered

"_Hi Dad" _Alice chimed into the phone

"Get home now, Alice no excuses" I replied bluntly in no mood to ask her how she was, if she was in the same state as Edward then she wouldn't be feeling too good at all.

"_Is something the matter"? _She asked me...Her voice concerned.

"You heard me Alice...Home, Now!" I yelled into the phone and flipped it closed.

I flipped the phone open and dialled another number...It rang about six times before someone answered it.

"_Hello?"_ Emmett's husky voice said into my ear

"Emmett, I want you home right now" I said and hung up the phone...I was so angry at the pair of them that I didn't want to indulge in a conversation over the phone.

I put the phone back in the glove compartment and released the handbrake speeding off as fast as I could.

I pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, locking it and storming towards the house...I opened the door with my keys and went into the living room..Not bothering to remove my shoes I walked straight up the stairs to Edward's room.

I threw the door open and found him sitting on the bed in new clothes..._He changed! He listened to me...Miracles do happen._ I stared him down as he continued to stare at the floor.

"Edward...In my office, now!" I said as I waited for him to get up...He rubbed his face with both his hands before getting up and brushing past me, walking down the stairs.

We both climbed the last flight of stairs as we reached the living room...Alice and Emmett were standing in the middle of the sofas to my left...Edward had walked to the left straight down the hallway to my office as I turned to my right to Alice and Emmett.

"You two follow me" I demanded as they both walked towards me and down the corridor after Edward.

I breathed out slowly before making my way after them....Seeing that they had already entered my office when I got to the door...I stepped in and closed it after me.

I turned to face my desk as Alice, Emmett and Edward were placed around it in certain areas of my office, I walked towards them and looked at the chair behind my desk wanting to sit in it but not wanting to clamber over my paperwork that I put into neat piles around the desk itself. I continued to stand as I looked at Alice, Edward and Emmett in turn.

"Well who is going to explain it all first"? I asked, trying to keep my anger under control.

"I am sorry dad" Alice said meekly.

"Don't give me that Alice, tell me now...Explain your actions to me "Alice flinched at my voice as she kept her head on the floor.

"We all got a little drunk...-"she started

"Understatement of the year" I broke her off "At least have the decency to face me, Alice" Alice looked up at me, tears in her eyes...She knew that she had done wrong.

"I brought Edward home...With the purpose of making sure he got to bed alright and Bella opened the door as I was about to put the key in and I told her that I needed help with Edward...I can't really remember what happened then but I do remember leaving her and making my way back to Jasper's" Alice choked out.

"You left Edward alone with a girl who has grown up with an alcoholic mother, Why the hell did you leave her Alice?!" I yelled unable to rein my anger in as my voice crept up in volume.

"I...Wanted...To...Be....With Jasper" Alice said and I nearly hit the roof.

"YOU PROMISED ME THAT YOU LIKED BELLA, ALICE AND THAT YOU WOULD LOOK AFTER HER BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED A SISTER AND YOU WENT AND DID THAT TO HER LAST NIGHT JUST SO YOU COULD BE WITH YOUR BLOODY BOYFRIEND" I shouted at the top of my lungs...Alice bit her lip to stop a sob from breaking out of her body.

I flew my head towards Emmett.

"Where the bloody hell were you when all of this was happening?" I yelled as he exhaled.

"With Rosalie" he answered...I appreciated his honesty....But that didn't condone his behaviour.

"You let your underage brother get drunk" I sated, it wasn't a question...Both Alice and Emmett nodded their heads hung in shame.

"Right...Give me your cell phone Emmett" I said and held my hand out to him.

"What? Dad..Come on" Emmett replied with his hands up in surrender.

"You say one more word Emmett and Rosalie is forever banned from this house and you will be banned from seeing her..I will tie you up if I have to" I said my voice stern..He rubbed his head with his hand and reached in his pocket, pulling out his cell phone and giving it to me.

I reached my hand out to Alice as she whimpered a little before doing the same...Both of their phones now in my hand I put them in my jacket.

"Until you prove your loyalty to me...AND make it up to Bella....Then you will get these back" I spat at them. "Now get out of my sight I can't even look at you...You can explain to your teachers why you are late" I said as they both walked out of the door without another word.

I turned to Edward who looked up slowly at me in return...Tears falling from his face, I put the phones on the desk before standing in the same spot to stare at him.

"What do you want me to say, Edward?" I told him sternly "Poor you...I am sorry that you are hung-over?" I spat.

"I am sorry, Dad" Edward choked out.

"It's not me you should be apologising to, Edward" I replied..."I had hoped that you would grow out of this...I put it down to the fact that you are growing up and that you will soon get over it but as I look at you I believe that you will never grow out of this...You will always have an immaturity about you, Edward and I am sorry for myself that I didn't notice it before...You do what you want with your life that's your choice, Edward but do not drag us all down with you" I said and Edward nodded two new tears falling straight from his face to the floor.

"I have never been more disappointed in you, Edward...Put your cell phone on the table and get out of my sight...Some of us need to get to work to earn money for this family to stay alive" I shot out and went to sit down at my desk...Edward put his phone on my desk and walked out of my office.

I put my head in my hands and breathed in and out as steadily as I could...My children had let me down and now I would have to live with that.

*~Bella~*

The bell rang for lunch as I climbed from my seat in the previous class and made my way towards the cafeteria...People weren't looking at me as much today and I was pleased for it. I entered through the double doors where I had first met Edward...Snapping the memory out of my mind.

"Hey, Bella" Mike greeted me as he came up behind me.

"Hi Mike" I answered with a smile, he smiled back.

"You want to sit with us, today?" He asked and I was about to answer when Alice and Emmett walked past us towards the table their faces soft and solemn....I looked away from them and back at Mike.

"I would like to...If that's okay" I said and he beamed. He led the way towards the table at the centre of the cafeteria and pulled out a seat for me to sit down...Eric smiled at me

"Hey Bella" He greeted me with a wide smile...I smiled back feeling a bit awkward as I was now sitting on the same table as the two girls who had stared at me yesterday.

"What would you like, Bella?" Mike asked me and I opened my mouth again when Eric shot up from his seat.

"No worries, Bella we will get a selection...Come on, Mike" He said as he patted Mike's shoulder and they walked off together having some conversation of their own.

"Sorry about them" I turned to the voice...One of the girls looked back at me with a little smile on her face "they always get excited when new people come here...I'm Angela by the way" she said nodding at me.

"I'm Bella" I replied as I put one of my arms on the table and fiddled with the sleeve of my top.

"How do you like it here so far, Bella?" Angela asked

"It's good...I mean it's still a bit scary as I haven't taken part in all of my subjects yet but I am sure it will wear off"..._Stop babbling, Bella._

"I see what you mean...This is Jessica" She gestured towards the other girl who was crunching loudly on a celery stick; she put the stick down and smiled.

"Hello, Bella" She greeted me friendly

"Hi" I answered smiling.

"You seem to have had an effect on those two...It's like being in Kindergarten all over again when the teacher would bring a new toy for the toy box" She said and I smiled although a little confused as Kindergarten in England was where we had to deal with what we had..We never got anything new..Ever, maybe it was different in America.

"I appreciate the kindness" I said and both girls smiled.

"Is there a reason why you are not sitting with your family today, Bella?" Angela asked me as I followed both her and Jessica's gazes to the 'Cullen Table'.

Alice, Emmett and Edward were all looking at me...Their expressions I couldn't pinpoint and before they could mouth anything to me or gesture for me to go over I flipped my head back towards Jessica and Angela.

"I want to meet new people...Besides I see them at home I don't need to see them at school too" I stated and they both nodded.

"Well, you don't have the attitude of a Cullen" Jessica said and I smiled at her...I wasn't a Cullen, I was still a Swan and I was determined to keep it that way from now on.

Mike and Eric came back with a pile of food on a tray; they placed it in the middle of the table before sitting down.

"So Bella, why have you decided to grace us with your presence and not sit on the table with your family?" Eric asked, Angela nudged him in the ribs as she explained that we had already discussed that question he held his hands up to me in surrender.

"Sorry Bella" He said and I giggled "No need to be sorry, Eric" I replied.

"So...Let's see your timetable, Bella...I know that you are in my trigonometry class" Jessica said as I reached into my bag pulling out my timetable and handing it to her...Eric, Angela and Mike all peering down to look as they read I grabbed an apple from the tray and started to nibble on it.

They all finished at different times and Jessica looked up at me from the sheet

"You take English Literature?" She asked me a confused look on her face.

"Yes" I answered

"Why?" She said, confusion on her face

"I like it" I said frankly

"Hands up to you, Bella...I hate English" She said and I smiled.

"I am in your Government and Gym class, Bella" Angela said with a smile.

"I hate gym" I said to her and she shrugged

"You get used to it" She said and I put my focus back on my sleeve.

Jessica had pushed the timetable back to me as they all started to talk about a topic which I didn't know...I looked back behind me at the table again to find that Alice, Emmett and Edward had all disappeared leaving Jasper and Rosalie occupying two seats...They seem to be in deep discussion about something and I turned away from them to look at the clock...I had ten minutes before my next lesson..I reached down for my bag and put it on my lap before facing Jessica, Angela, Eric and Mike.

"I am going to head to class...Thanks for the food" Eric and Mike nodded at me "Is it alright if I sit here tomorrow?" I asked as they all looked at each other in turn.

"Of course, Bella" Angela exclaimed and I beamed at them and got up from the table exiting the cafeteria feeling happier than I had been this morning.

The rest of the day flew by and I walked out into the car park and found Carlisle's car waiting for me...The steam from the warmness of the engine circling the air behind the car. I climbed in and put my bag down fastening my seat belt.

"Hello Bella, did you have a good day?" He asked me

"Yes thank you" I answered...Thankful that he had offered to drive me home as I didn't feel the need to say anything if I didn't want to.

"I am sorry to say that Esme has caught a cold...She has been in bed all day and it came on quite badly about mid-afternoon" He told me and I looked back at him.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked him.

"Of course, Bella...Esme is a fighter and besides she has had worse before" He said with a comforting smile...His eyes still on the road.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked..Feeling helpless.

"Thank you, Bella but no...Just bed and fluids for her" Carlisle answered and I looked back out of the window...my mind sending me to different places until we would get home.

As we pulled up in the driveway, Carlisle grabbed my shoulder as he had put on the handbrake...I turned to him both of us still having our seatbelts on.

"Listen, Bella...I spoke to Alice, Emmett and Edward earlier today...Don't be alarmed if they do not speak to you right away they are probably just finding a way to apologise to you...They do that all the time when I am angry with them. Just give them time okay?" He said as I suddenly wondered what he had said to them that would make them unable to talk to me...There was nothing I could do about it so it only seemed best that I would agree.

"Okay, Carlisle thank you" I replied to him grateful that he had told me...We both climbed out of the car and into the house without another word.

Carlisle was right; Alice, Emmett and Edward didn't say anything to me all evening however I had been in my room for the majority of the time and I hadn't been near them to have the opportunity but I had my own homework to complete.

As I finished my homework...I changed into my pyjamas, removed all traces of makeup and climbed into bed...I turned off the light and closed my eyes.

I didn't know how long I had been asleep for...Or hear the door to my room open...I just remember breath on my face...

A pair of lips kissed my cheek tentatively and pulled away, warmness in their wake.

"Good night my darling Bella" Carlisle whispered as I was pulled down into slumber even deeper not knowing what anything else was said or did.

**Thanks for reading!**

**.S. x x**


	13. Comforting words

**Two chapters in a day...Aren't you lucky ****!**

*~Edward~*

(4 days later)

I woke today even worse than I had at the beginning of the week...My father wasn't talking to me and I had avoided Bella like the plague along with Emmett and Alice, I never thought about how my actions could have affected Bella and I had been an idiot to her already...It's unacceptable to act that way towards someone like I had to her on her first day and then explain to them that you want to start again....As if they would just click their fingers and it would all be forgotten. How would I be able to start again with her after this...When I had been such a bastard to her, I felt so incredibly bad...What was worse was that my birthday was a couple of weeks away and I didn't want to feel a year older because Bella was even more mature than me and she was a year younger, I had nothing to show for it.

I wanted to explain about the way I was; I dipped in and out of things and I do a lot of things without thinking and then disappoint my parents...I had never seen my dad so angry and the fact that he said he was disappointed in me made it even worse than if he had said that he was angry. I had let my parents down and I felt horrible about it...I lay on my back the light gradually coming through from the outside.

After Tuesday night, I hadn't gone out again...I was grounded along with Emmett and Alice and now I would have to find things to do in the house – it's no hardship because mom taught me how to do the necessities and I would have to get on with them and maybe try and do things in between....Mom was still in her bed, her cold now getting better yet she was feeling the effects still and so that would give me something to do.

I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom....Desperately missing my cell phone, I showered letting the warm water soothe me standing under the spray and taking it all in...Every muscle and every part of my body warmed and even when I got out...I still felt terrible.

I changed into trackies and a long t-shirt..I wouldn't be going anywhere and I needed to be comfortable...I walked out of my room and down the stairs, walking down towards my parents room I had heard my dad go out earlier this morning and I figured that Emmett and Alice wouldn't be up yet, Bella was usually up earlier than me but she stayed in her room until she had something to do.

I approached the door, slightly ajar and saw the daylight coming through the opened curtains and underneath the door...I pushed the door lightly in case my mum was still asleep and stepped in.

Mom was sitting up reading a book, her nose still red and her hair slightly messed up, she had her glasses on and the pattern on her pyjama bottoms creeping out from the top of the duvet...She looked up at me and smiled.

"Edward" She greeted me...That smile..Mom always knew how to make me smile back at her only this time I was guilt-ridden..Mom had no idea about what had happened in the week as she had not been around and I didn't think that dad would have told her she gets more upset than he does when either myself, Alice or Emmett do something reckless. I smiled a little at her, just wanting to cry. Mom lowered her glasses further down her nose and studied me as I stood with my hands in my pockets.

"Edward, is something the matter sweetheart"? Mom asked me and I crumbled...The tears I fought back released from my eyes and fell down my cheeks.

"I got drunk the other night, mom" I choked out as mom exhaled...Taking the glasses off her face and placing it on the book in her lap and then picked up both items and put them on the bedside table...I could tell that she was still stiff by how slowly she did it but I was too busy waiting for what she was about to say..Ready for the lecture.

"You better come and sit down...Edward" she said patting the empty spot next to her; I walked over with my hands buried in my pockets and sat by her feet....Not wanting to sit next to her just yet.

"Bella saw me...She helped me go to bed" I admitted as she listened patiently. "Alice dropped me off and left me with Bella...I was so out of it, mom and I didn't realise that I would be hurting Bella"

Mom was silent...I took that as an indication to carry on with my explanation.

"Dad heard us...He was angry with me, Emmett and Alice and we have let him down, mom" I choked out trying to hold back the sobs that were desperately wanting to escape.

I couldn't read my mom's expression as we sat in awkward silence for a few moments...

"Edward, come here" She said to me as she grabbed one of my hands and pulled me up to her...I turned my body round and crawled up to the empty spot next to her putting my face in her lap as she let go of my hand and stroked my hair....The way she used to do when I was a kid and I forgotten how much I had missed her doing it.

"I am not going to say that I am not disappointed in you, Edward" my mom said as I nodded into her lap...She had every right to be angry at me like my dad had been.

"I'm so sorry, mom...I didn't mean to do it to Bella or to you and dad" I spoke into her stomach...feeling my voice vibrate on her body from my voice.

"I know, Edward" she soothed me...Why did she have to soothe me?....For the first time in my life I wanted her to be mad at me and throw things and shout at the top of her lungs...I was so confused about everything and I didn't want to be anymore.

"I am so confused, mom" I sobbed as she continued to run her fingers through my hair.

"What are you confused about, Edward"? She asked me her voice comforting and smooth.

"Everything...Sometimes there are days when I want to be independent and do what I want...Things that are unacceptable and then some days I want to be a good guy and be nice to people" I explained as she shushed me trying to calm me down.

"It's called growing up, Edward...You'd be surprised at just how much people jump from different ends of the spectrum until they find themselves" Mom replied and I buried my head in deeper.

"I don't like how I get moody...How people want to kill me on those days, I know inside it isn't the way I am and I know I have let my mom down" I said.

"Edward, your mother would be proud that you have come in and explained all of this to me today and she would be proud of the young man you are turning into-" Mom stated

"That's the point...I don't like who I am turning into" I broke her off

"You need to find yourself, Edward...You made a mistake and you have acknowledged that which shows courage...There is one thing left to do now" mom replied no change in the pitch of her voice.

"What's that"? I asked into her stomach.

"You need to change it, make it up to Bella and your dad somehow...You already know how to treat people like a Gentleman, Edward...I have seen it and you will find the answer of how to do that inside of yourself you just need to let it lie for another week or two...Work your way back in" mom answered me and I nodded into her stomach again.

There were a few more minutes of silence as I twisted my body from her stomach to lay on my back the back of my head now resting on her stomach as she stroked her face this time.

"Do you remember how much you used to love this, Edward"? Mom asked me as she ran one of her fingers down my nose.

"I missed it" I replied back..smiling a little in contentment..."There is something else, mom"

"Let's have it" she said as she twirled a lose strand of my hair around her finger.

"I met Bella before you introduced us" I said...Cringing at the memory.

"You did"? Mom asked

"It was in school...She hit me with a door and sent my things flying...I went to school that day although I had a really bad morning and I took it out on Bella" I said in a whisper.

"How, Edward"?

"I yelled at her...Said something like how I didn't want to hear her life story as she apologised to me and...I demanded that she pay for replacements" I said tears filling up my eyes again.

"Wow, Edward that explains so much" Mom replied and I tilted my head to look at her face.

"What do you mean"?

"Come on, Edward a stranger would be able to see the tension in that room when I introduced the two of you...That is why I walked out, I could sense the uncomfortableness from Bella but then I convinced myself that maybe it was because she was nervous...It seems I was wrong" she told me and I closed my eyes...Mom always saw the good in people and in this case she had been proved wrong by my own stupidity.

"I felt bad after I had done it, mom...I wanted to aplogise the next day if I saw her and then I found out who she was...Bella was sick, she had thrown up because of me and I knew then that I had to explain myself somehow" I said putting my hands up on my face and rubbing it a couple of times.

"I didn't know that she was sick...What did you do"? Mom asked as she placed her hands on mine and pulled them away from my face.

"I got a flannel and found her...She allowed me to clean her face up and I took the opportunity then to explain myself. I thought that I had gotten somewhere...We talked and I gave her the book that my mom left me because Bella had said to me that it was one of her favourites. I could see her being my sister and I could see us growing a bond but then I went and ruined it by getting drunk and allowing her to see me like that" I explained.

"Your dad told me that she had been upset...But not for the reasons you have said, Edward" mom said and I exhaled loudly.

"I know we have upset her...I just wish I knew how to make it up to her" I said as mom lent down and kissed one of my cheeks.

"You will, Edward...I promise you...You will find a way" I smiled under her mouth and pulled my arms up wrapping them around her neck and pulling her closer into my neck so I could lean my forehead on hers.

"Are you really angry with me, mom"? I asked her as I held on to her.

"No, Edward...I should be but I'm not...I can see good in you, I always have done I just think now that if you truly want to change yourself then you have to get started straight away...It doesn't do anyone any good to hold on to the past, Edward" Mom replied in her soothing voice.

I nodded and released my arms from her neck...Still keeping my gaze on hers.

"I love you, mom and I am sorry" I said as she stroked my cheek lovingly.

"I love you, my angel...I forgive you" She said as I sighed in relief.

"Is there anything I can get for you"? I asked her as I pulled myself up off of the bed.

"No thank you sweetheart..Your dad left me with all the things I could need when he left this morning" She replied and I smiled at her one more time before opening the door and walking out.

I would now have to wait for Alice and Emmett to come home later so we could all discuss what we were going to do about apologising to Bella.

*~Bella~*

Ahhh!

I winced at the bathroom cleaner as it hit my eyes...Causing them to water. I had neglected the bathroom for the past week and I didn't want to keep it the way it was..I had scrubbed all the floors by hand even though I knew that Esme had kept a mop in the house..I was grateful in any way I could as long as I could pass the time. I dreaded running into Edward...I had missed mealtimes with the family since Wednesday and always came down later to have my leftovers when everyone had gone to sleep. It had become a routine that had strangely suited me perfectly...I wasn't angry at Edward, Alice or Emmett anymore and even though I had wanted to walk up to them and talk to them the way that I had been used to there was always something holding me back a kind of awkwardness that I felt was best if I stayed away from.

Carlisle had been extremely protective of me this week and I couldn't ask for a better father figure in my life...Esme had been ill and I was sad for it because I know that she would have comforted me if she could. I finished cleaning the bathroom until it was practically glistening before putting the cleaner back into the cupboard and walking over to the sink..I splashed cold water on my face a few times as the sting deceased and walked out of the bathroom and back in to my bedroom.

I glanced over at 'Persuasion' sitting on my bedside table and I was very tempted to pick it up and carry on where I had left off last night but I didn't feel like it...I wanted someone to talk to.

I opened my door as quietly as I could manage before peering out into the doorway towards Edward's bedroom door, it was closed and I couldn't hear any sound of movement. I crept out into the hallway on tiptoes as I closed my door with care and then made my way down the stairs...I know who I wanted to see and I knew that she would be there for me.

I crept down to Carlisle and Esme's room and slowly walked in to find Esme on the bed, reading from a book her glasses secured on her face and her legs out flat in front of her...She looked different without glasses she looked younger without them but it didn't change the fact that she was beautiful inside and out. I tapped lightly on the door and smiled as her eyes met mine.

"Hello, Bella" She greeted me warmly as I waved timidly at her.

"Is there anything you need, Esme"? I asked as she lowered her glasses from her face.

"I don't need anything but I wouldn't mind some company.." She replied as I turned to close the door after me and crawled into the bed beside her...One of my arms on the pillow with my head resting on top.

"What are you reading?" I asked as she chuckled under her breath.

"Jude the obscure" she replied and I gasped a little.

"I didn't know you read Hardy, Esme" I exclaimed and she giggled putting the book down next to her side and put the glasses on top of her head.

"He is a genius when I am ill, Bella" She answered me and I giggled. "How are you now, sweetheart? You feeling any better...Carlisle told me that you were upset" she said and I wrinkled my nose.

"A little...I don't know really...Everything is kind of a mess at the moment" I replied and Esme hummed back at me.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Tuesday night would it"? She said and I shot my head up to face her, she looked calm..._How did she know about Tuesday...Carlisle said he wasn't going to tell her._

"Bella, its okay...Edward told me earlier on" She replied and I breathed an inward sigh of relief.

"It's not just that...I would like to open up more now that my home life is secure...Maybe get a job or something" I trailed off

"That's great news; Bella...Would you like me to help you search for some when I am fully recovered?" Esme offered

"That would be great, thank you" I replied as she smiled at me.

"Have you met any new friends, Bella"? Esme asked...I had almost forgotten that she hadn't been around for my first week at school.

"I have four people that I sit with at lunch" I stated as she giggled a little "What"? I asked her.

"Thank god you haven't been persuaded to sit at my other children's table" she replied and I giggled at her remark...Esme wasn't fooled and she probably knew a lot more about her other children than they did.

"Yeah...They seem nice, when I get a new job I will put a deposit down on a new car and get my permit so that I will be able to go out with them outside of school" I said revealing the things that i had been thinking about in detail for the last couple of nights.

"That sounds like a plan, my love" She said cheerily.

"Yes, here's hoping that I follow it through" I said with determination.

"By the way, Bella...You can ask me to be quiet after I have said this and I will completly understand as much as I may not like my son's attitude in general sometimes...He is a good guy deep inside"

"I know that, Esme" I answered her.

"Do you really, Bella?" She asked and I looked up into her face again.

"Esme I have gone through my life hating my mum for over half the time because of the way she is and hate takes up too much energy...As much as hate clouded my vision of my mom I never stopped loving her...It's the same with Edward, it's true that we haven't known each other long but I already have a connection with him...The same as I do with Alice and Emmett. They are my family and there are times when we don't like the people in our family but we stick by each other when something happens and I want to have that with all of you" I explained.

Esme exhaled and turned her body round slipping underneath the covers with me and laying on her pillow..Our eyes now connected closer.

"You know what, Bella? You never cease to amaze me" She stated with a smile.

I chuckled nervously "What do you mean"?

"I know that when bad things happen in life it can change a person...but with you...You have a ground-ness about you that I don't see in Edward, Emmett or Alice, you have morals and you know your own mind...To have that and still be so young is nothing short of amazing" she explained and I felt my blush reach my cheeks.

"I just hope that this can all be sorted soon and we can all start again...I am aware that you have already given Edward two chances but I am asking you for one more...He will come through Bella he just needs the time to sort out how he is going to approach it"

"I understand Esme" I cut her off not wanting her to say anymore...She didn't need to justify Edward's actions only he himself could do that.

I climbed out of the covers and walked back out the door when I halted myself and spun back round.

"Thank you, Esme" I said

"You're welcome Bella" She said as she picked up her book again and I left her alone in the room once more.

_Hmmmm...What to do? What to do?_

Not knowing where I was heading I got to the living room and walked into the kitchen...Seeing as Esme was still ill maybe there was a chance that I could make dinner today...Carlisle had made it for the past four nights and I figured that as I was a part of this house too I should make dinner every now and then to earn my keep.

I wandered over to the fridge and opened it glancing at it's contents...There wasn't much there but there was however mince, tomatoes, onions and garlic...With these ingredients I knew what I could make but I needed something else.

I closed the fridge door and scanned around the kitchen opening and closing different cabinets when I had finally found what I was looking for...Pasta!

I would make Spaghetti Bolognaise...I used to make it for myself when my mum wasn't hungry and I had forgotten to take the recipes I had jotted down over the years with me.

I turned on the kettle and was about to pour the dry pasta into a saucepan when the door rang.

I walked over and opened the door to a guy that had a beaming smile on his face.

"Hello you must be, Bella" he greeted me.

This guy was medium-height...A few inches shorter than Emmett...His hair was raven black and pulled up into spikes on his head he had an olive tone to his skin and he looked muscular underneath his top. I had no idea about who he was so I just stood there awkwardly trying to find something to say.

"Is Edward around, beautiful?" he asked me

"Upstairs" I choked out and I moved out of the way to let him in...He stood in the living room for a few moments before turning to me.

"Shall I go on up"? he asked with a smirk and I smiled wryly.

"Of course" I answered.

"I am Jacob by the way...Jacob Black" He said as he stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"Nice to meet you, Jacob" I replied as he turned and walked back up the stairs again.

I carried on with my making of the dinner allowing the sounds of the animals outside to soothe me.

*~Edward~*

I had been thinking for hours about what I was going to do when I was taken out of my trance by a loud knock on the other side of my door.

"Yeah"? I answered and was surprised to see Jacob enter my room and close the door behind him.

"Hey man"! He greeted me with his wide smile.

"Hey Jake..What brings you here"? I asked him, sitting up fully to face him head-on.

"I was around." He replied.

"Did Bella let you in"? I asked knowing that she was downstairs making dinner as the scent had been making it's way up to my room for the past hour or so.

"She did, indeed...You never told me what a looker she was, Edward" He said cheekily.

"I guess it slipped my mind...Dude, that's my sister" I answered him...Wondering inside whether I was still allowed to call her that.

"Sure, sure you said that" he replied as he made himself comfortable by my feet on the bed.

"Hey could I borrow your cell"? I asked

"Yeah sure" he replied reaching out to get it and handing it out to me "what happened to yours"?

"My dad took it...Long story" I added as I dialled.

I asked both Alice and Emmett to meet me at home because I needed to talk to them, they agreed which I have to admit was something that I found a bit strange at first but I guess dad's words hadn't gone unnoticed.

I gave the phone back to Jake and apologised to him that he needed to go because I had to sort something out...I said that I would meet up with him before school on Monday to explain. He accepted the meet and then went back home.

Now all I had to do was to wait for Alice and Emmett.

*~Bella~*

Finally finishing my dinner I put it all together in a pan to heat through...I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and poured myself a glass of water.

"Hello"! I nearly choked on my water as Carlisle's voice had come out in the middle of nowhere, I placed the glass down on the side and turned to see him walking into the kitchen.

"Bella...What are you up to?" he asked me with a cheeky grin on his face.

"I made dinner...I figured since you were planning to be home late that I would save you the trouble" I explained and his smile got wider after I had spoken.

"That is so very sweet, Bella...I did plan to be home later but I finished earlier than I expected...It smells great" he exclaimed as he went to the glass cabinet and grabbed a glass..I moved out the way so that he could pour some water into it.

"I have already had mine" I lied "So I have left it for you and Edward, Alice and Emmett if they wish to have some" I explained as he took a sip from his glass.

"Well..Seeing as you have made this for us, I will ask one of the others to do the dishes tonight." He explained...I was about to protest when he scowled at me "We are all in this family together, Bella and we should all earn our rightful place in this house" he said and I held my tongue.

"Would you do me a favour"? Carlisle asked me as I made my way out of the room.

"Of course" I answered.

"Would you put my briefcase upstairs in mine and Esme's room, please? Although try your very hardest not to wake her if she is asleep" He asked.

I nodded "Sure" I said as I grabbed his briefcase from the living room...Straining a little due to the weight of it but made my way up to Esme and Carlisle's room.

Esme was asleep when I had gone into the room...I leant over and put the briefcase behind the door and walked back down the corridor to my room.

I had no interruptions and I got to where I needed to be the way I wanted it...I climbed onto the bed and pulled my diary out from the drawer of one of the beside tables and gasped when I had opened it and found that I hadn't been writing in it as often as I was used to.

I added in my entry for the day before picking up persuasion again...Maybe Jane Austen could make me feel better and allow me to escape into her world for a while.

**Okay...Short and sweet, I have received reviews from '****laceycrazy08****', '****GoldenPhoenix 12****' and **

'**Bhekie****'...Thank you for taking the time out to give me your honest thoughts about my story, all my reviewers are amazing so far!**

**I will be updating some time tomorrow...*Fingers crossed* now that I am on the right track with the story now and where I want to go.**

**Tunes for this chapter were:**

**Imogen Heap – Can't take it in**

**Lithium – Evanesance**

**What have you done – Within Temptation**

Thank you for reading!

.S. x x


	14. AN

A/N

This isn't a new chapter but I would like to just explain how I view the characters in my own mind and then maybe you can understand where my writing is going or understand the story a little better.

*Bella – Bella is the ONLY character loosed basely on myself..I am not saying that I AM Bella by any means because there a few things about her character that I do not possess myself. Bella is extremely mature and that is where I based her on me, I had been through a lot in life by the time I had gotten to 15/16 years old and I thought about things exactly the same way that she does – I was confused about the person I was and spent my time indulging in books and this made me think more deeply about things in life...The same way that Bella does. Bella is finding herself and she is adapting very well at the moment with her new life which I wanted to convey because you can come from the deepest depths of despair in life and find something inside of you that pulls you back up.*

*Edward – My view of Edward is that he is VERY complex due to his confusion about growing up...He is NOT a bad person he just can't find the right way of thinking which is something that contrasts him to Bella..He wants to be a good person and this is what I admire about him but he can go about things completely the wrong way in his own quest for self-discovery. Don't give up on him yet..He may surprise you. *

*Alice and Emmett – Both of these characters live in their own worlds and find it hard to realise the effect it has on people...Alice is much more capable of sentiment as she is a woman but Emmett is the joker, he is used to using humour as a kind of defence mechanism and that is how he lives life. They are both eager to dive into new things but never think it through properly and of course they are completely in love with their spouses...They will both learn a lot through the story and become better people*

Carlisle and Esme – Esme is my MOTHER...in every way..and I love writing her as I feel a closeness to her, I adore my mother and we have been through a lot of tears and hugs together but I would go to the ends of the earth and back again for her if I could. Carlisle is my dad...The relationship with him and Bella is identical to what mine and his were before he left us.

*Rosalie and Jasper- These two are kind of bookends in the story for me but I will develop them further on.

ALSO....Just a quick note to say that when Edward calls Emmett and Alice from Jacob's cell phone in the last chapter, he ACTUALLY called up the phone's belonging to Jasper and Rosalie as A and Em's phones are still being held by Carlisle and his eagle-ears...I am sorry I forgot to disclose that, my mind has a way of completely running away from me at the best and worst of times.

That's it everyone....Hope this helps a little. Thank you for all your support once again.

Love

x x x


	15. Apologies ch 14

**A/N : Chapter 14...Yes here it is :D (I am NOT counting my AN as a chapter)**

**I am going to be going back to College on the 4****th ****January so the updates will be a bit longer between chapters after that time but I promise I won't leave you waiting too long I know how the suspense can kill you ****.**

**Thank you to 'jenn', 'laceycrazy08' and 'yesisalas' for their reviews last chapter.... ****!**

**Also a thank you to 'angelspinknose' for your message...It means a lot and I understand if you can't review because of technical issues...The fact that you are READING my story means a lot to me. **

*~Alice~*

I parked my car on our driveway after I got a call off of Jasper's phone from Edward...I had been thinking about Tuesday night a lot in the past week...I had kept it a secret from Jasper about my dad's disappointment in myself, Emmett and Alice basically telling him that my phone had broken and that if he received any calls that he didn't recognise that he should let me answer it.

Jasper has been patient with my 'funny mood' this week and I can't bring myself to feel bad about not telling him...We had both decided that we would tell each other everything but I was certain that there were things he hadn't told me and now I wasn't telling him what really happened...Dad had been right, I do revolve my life around Jasper because he IS my life...However family are part of your forever even after you die they still stay with you and that is what I needed to hold on to.

I regret my actions bitterly and Bella had been so strong to do something like that, and even though it was something that I should never have allowed her to do I had a new found admiration for my little sister...She has courage and inner strength for someone her age and I hope that she will find it in her heart to forgive me because I do love her...Bella had been a god-send to this family and as corny as that might sound I believed every word of it.

I opened the front door to the mouth-watering smell of food and on any other day I would have gone into the kitchen and grabbed a portion for myself..However, today I had bigger things to do.

I glanced into the kitchen to see my dad with his back to me, he was still upset and he had every right to be I can't imagine what he thought when he had found out what we done...I crept up the stairs avoiding a confrontation with him – I needed to talk to Edward.

I heard silence from Bella's room and I instantly assumed that she would be reading or writing in there...I knew that she wasn't doing homework because she always did her homework the night it was set...Unlike me who always left it to last minute. I opened Edward's door, not wanting to knock in case Bella heard me – I plan not to see her until I make my apology to her...It seemed better that way...Less awkward.

Edward was sitting on his bed when I came in, he smiled a little at me as I closed the door.

"Thanks for coming, Alice" He said as I made myself comfortable on the floor, crossing my legs and placing my hands in my lap.

"No problem" I answered "What's the matter, Edward?" I knew already why he had called me but I figured I would ask him in case I had come here in the wrong mind-set.

"It's about Bella" He answered and I nodded back at him in understanding. "We really fucked up, Alice" He said as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I know" I replied "I wish I knew what to do about it" I stated as he nodded back.

"I called Emmett too...I figured we should all talk about it together" He replied

"That's a good idea" I said.

Edward and I sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity...It didn't feel as awkward as I thought it was going to but I did have one more thing to say to him and seeing as he was quiet it was the perfect opportunity; I took a deep breath before I got my words out.

"Edward...I'm really sorry" I said as he shot his head up to look at me.

"For what"? He answered and I exhaled in frustration..._How could he not see that I had done him wrong?_

"I left you on your own...Drunk" I exclaimed "It was stupid, I mean you're my younger brother...Sister's don't leave their brother's in that state it's not what families do, Edward"!

"I shouldn't have drunk Alice" He replied to me with an apologetic look clouding his face.

"We all make mistakes, Edward...But what I did on my own was much worse...I put you in that situation when it could have been avoided...I was too busy going back and being with Jasper and I neglected you. I wouldn't forgive myself if I were you...It was so wrong, I was SO wrong Edward..." I explained the tears now filling up my eyes as I spoke.

Edward looked me up and down for a moment before running his hand through his hair again.

"Come here, Ali" He said using my nickname...I uncrossed my legs, stood up and went over to stand in front of him...He exhaled before placing both of his arms on each side of my waist...I put my hands on his shoulders stilling my movements to make sure that he was okay with it – We were brother and sister but we rarely showed any kind of affection...It wasn't us and it wasn't what we did.

Edward pulled my waist into his chest as I fell forward, he wrapped his arms around my entire waist and buried his face into my stomach...I leant down to kiss his head and tightened my arms around his neck.

"I forgive you Alice" He said into my stomach and I pulled away from him to kneel down in front of him now wrapping my arms around his neck again and Edward placing his head into the crook of my neck.

"I will never do it to you again, Edward...I promise" I said as I pulled one of my hands up and ran it through his hair – He had always loved having people run their hands through his hair and I had never forgotten that as a child and it hadn't escaped my memory now I was older.

"You aren't to blame, Alice...As much as I would just love to blame only you" He said into my neck and I punched him lightly in the head and giggled a little at his remark.

"I did wrong, too" He added and I kissed his head again before we both pulled away from each other.

"Look at you two all touchy-feely" both myself and Edward flipped around to find Emmett standing in the doorway with a mischievous smile on his face. "Well don't just stand there, Alice...I want some loving too!" He added and I smiled rolling my eyes...Trust Emmett to make two people on the verge of tears smile. I walked over and he grabbed my waist when I was close enough and pulled me into a hug, lifting my feet off the ground in the process.

"I'm sorry, baby sis" He said into my neck...Quietly so that Edward couldn't hear us "I shouldn't have left you to deal with drunkard over there by yourself" he added...I wiggled one of my hands free from his arms and poked him on the cheek, he giggled before getting the hint and putting me down...As I landed on the carpet...I found myself having to breathe properly a few times, Emmett was strong and he had always been and sometimes it seemed to slip my mind just how much he could knock the wind out of someone just by hugging them.

"You want a hug too, man?" Emmett asked, his arms now stretched out towards Edward.

Edward looked at Emmett's face and then at his hands and smiled a little and shook his head.

Emmett closed the distance between himself and Edward in three long strides before yanking Edward up by both his hands and onto his back causing Edwards' torso to slam against Emmett's shoulder.

"What was that, little bro?" Emmett teased

"Emmett put me down you idiot!" Edward shouted and I couldn't help but suppress a giggle at Edward's poor attempts for Emmett to release him, punching him on the back and kicking his stomach there was no chance in hell that Edward's punches would hurt Emmett.

"Emmett, I swear put me down right now!" Edward yelled as Emmett carried on giggling.

"Okay I will put you down if you give me a proper hug, little bro" Emmett said as Edward huffed loudly and gave up his struggle.

"Fine" Edward moaned in defeat as Emmett beamed and put him down and pulled into a hug..Edward patted his back a few times as Emmett clung onto him tightly.

"Emmett?" Edward asked – a hint for Emmett to let go but Emmett still hung on "Emmett?" Edward asked again his voice louder but still Emmett made no movement.

"EMMETT?" Edward yelled as Emmett let him go.

"Sorry, man just dragging the moment a little longer" Emmett said with a smirk

"You're hopeless" Edward exhaled and sat back down on the bed...What was it with men? They couldn't bear to show emotion towards each other but they always have their hold on their girlfriends.

"Now that we have spread the love...I assume we are all here to talk about Bella" Emmett said as he sat down on the floor...Emmett wasn't academic by any means but he had common sense. I sat back down in my original place on the floor now next to Emmett and we both kept our focus on Edward.

"Okay well...We fucked up" Edward stated

"We have already established that" I broke him off as he turned to poke his tongue out at me, I reciprocated and stuck my tongue out back at him before giving him a wink.

"So...Do any of you have any ideas?" Edward asked gesturing to us both in turn.

"I am sure I could give her one of my hugs" Emmett answered as Edward and I both turned to look at him.

"Emmett...Come on a hug isn't going to erase everything" I said as Emmett put on a fake pout and I suppressed another giggle.

"Why not? It's the best kind of medicine" Emmett stated as Edward threw a pillow at him catching him off guard.

"Emmett be serious for once in your life" Edward told him looking slightly agitated.

"Sorry, mate" Emmett replied back at Edward...Edward nodding at him in acceptance of his apology.

"I have no idea what to do...Do we get her a present or something?" I said looking at each of my brothers.

"Alice you have already brought her the whole of Bloomingdales' clothing department and Mozart over there has already given her a rare edition of her favourite book" Emmett replied sarcastically and I turned to Edward.

"What book?" I asked him, Edward had lots of books...His collection larger than the rest of the Cullen's.

"Persuasion" He answered back and I held a gasp in holding both my hands on my mouth.

"Isn't that the one your mother left you"? I asked through my hands and he nodded solemnly at my question.

"The one that you fought to keep and swore never to give to anyone...Like, Ever?" Emmett followed my question and Edward nodded again...Emmett exhaled loudly "wow little bro that's deep" Emmett said...I let go of my hands on my mouth.

Giving away that book was something that I never believed Edward would do...It was a large step I think even bigger than even Bella realises and it seemed that she has cast her spell on everyone in the house and Edward was the latest person to be affected. The look on Edward's face showed me that it wasn't a big deal but I knew inside that it was so much bigger than that...It was a real choice.

"You know that smell is really not helping my stomach" Emmett remarked

"Why?" Edward asked

"I'm starving"! Emmett replied with a whine

"You're always hungry...We have been in this room for twenty minutes and we still haven't come up with an idea" I said earning a dirty look from Emmett and a small smile from Edward.

"True...Shall we talk to dad, he knows Bella more than we do...Maybe he will know" Emmett replied as Edward and I looked at each other.

"Do you have any idea how mad he is with us at the moment, Emmet? We can't exactly walk in there and demand he tell us what to do he can barely stand to look at us" Edward said.

"Dinner....Why don't we take Bella to dinner and explain?" I exclaimed as Edward and Emmett shot me sceptical looks. "I know...It doesn't seem like much but maybe if we just take the time with her to explain things then she may give us a chance" I added.

"Alice as nice as that sounds why don't we just apologise to her...Here at home altogether" Edward suggested and I sighed.

"I am all for it as long as I get food" Emmett said.

"Emmett one day you will die and never have food again and believe me I will welcome it" I said as he scoffed.

"That's a bad comeback Ali" Emmett said

"Yeah, well I am too busy thinking about Bella" I shot back and he put both his hands up in surrender.

"I think we should go and talk to dad" Edward said "I mean...If we are doing something with Bella's intentions at heart than maybe he could help us" he finished.

"We should be able to make something up on our own" Emmett replied.

"Okay you think of something...Jabba the gut"! I said

"Alright...Fair play, let's see if dad will talk to us" Emmett said.

All of us got up and walked out of Edward's room and down the stairs together...Emmett had moved towards the kitchen but letting out a moan when I pulled him back.

Getting to dad's office...I felt scared...Scared that he was going to throw us all back out again, if there was one thing about my dad I could set in stone..It would be that he can hold a grudge.

Emmett and Edward nodded at me in turn and I nodded back as Emmett opened the door and we all shuffled inside.

Dad was sitting at his desk...Looking up the minute that Emmett had closed the door behind him.

"Edward, Alice, Emmett" he greeted us all in turn in a deep voice "What brings you down here?" He asked us...Emmett grabbed my hand and placed it in his and I did the same with Edward's as we all walked down to dad's desk hand in hand.

We stood in front of the desk...Still linked as dad took his glasses off and placed them on the desk and studies us all one by one, a stern but slightly confused expression as he did so.

"Dad..We came to say that we are sorry" Edward said

"Yes, sorry" Emmett said after him

"Really sorry" I added as we waited for our dad to speak.

"Do you mean it?" Dad asked

"Yes" I, Edward and Emmett said in unison...Our voices intentionally strong and genuine.

"I appreciate you coming down here to say that to me" Dad said as the three of us loosened our hands. "Have you apologised to Bella yet?" He asked us.

"That's the second reason why we came down to see you" I started "We want to say sorry altogether...Like we are now but we also want to do something to make it up to her" I said as dad nodded.

"We came to ask whether you had any ideas...Seeing as you know her better than us" Emmett finished.

"We were thinking dinner...It doesn't seem like much but she hasn't seen the local area at all and we thought it might be nice if she got to see the sights" Edward added.

"That's a very good thought...In all honesty I can't pinpoint a preference for Bella because she doesn't have one she would be happy with just you three apologising..She doesn't ask for much does Bella just be as honest as I know all of you three are and she will be fine" Dad explained and we all nodded in understanding.

"I am still upset with you three....However I can see that you know you have all done wrong and that is enough for me. I will be keeping your phones for a little bit longer just until I know that Bella has forgiven you and if she can well so can I" dad said and we all nodded before walking towards the door of his office.

"One more thing" dad shouted to us, we turned around. "Could you please take Bella up a portion of dinner...She said she had some but I don't believe her" He asked us and we all nodded and walked out of the door and closing it behind us.

"PHEW"! Emmett exclaimed..."That worked out better than I thought it was going to" He said as we walked towards the kitchen.

"Now we have to make things right with Bella" Edward said as he walked towards the fridge, opening it and taking out a tray of leftover Spaghetti bolognaise as me and Emmett stood by the door.

"Shall we all go in together?" I asked my brothers.

"Why would we not?" Emmett asked as Edward searched around for a plate and a spatula before dividing the food in the tray and taking out a chunk and placing it on the plate.

"Would it be better if we all did it individually? I mean we might scare the poor girl if we all walk in there looking like we are declaring war" I stated and Emmett chuckled...Edward was still silent as he popped the chunk of food in the microwave to warm.

"I agree that we should go in individually...What do you think, Edward?" Emmett asked looking over at Edward.

"Are you just agreeing because you want food or do you really mean it?" I spoke before Edward could and Emmett shot me an evil glance.

"I agree with that...Who wants to go first?" Edward replied to Emmett as we all looked at each other in turn.

"I will" I said as the microwave beeped...Edward took the food out and replaced the plate it had been on and adding a knife and fork onto each side of the new plate before handing it over to me. I took it.

"Are you guys going to eat whilst I am up there?" I asked them. They both nodded will enthusiastic smiles on their faces...I rolled my eyes letting out a small smile at them before going up to Bella's room.

I knocked on Bella's door twice before walking in...Bella was sitting on her bed looking up at me as I came in.

"Hi" I greeted her softly...she nodded

"Hi Alice" she replied.

I pointed at the food in my hand; "Dad wanted us to give you this" I stated as she rolled her eyes a little. I walked over to the side of her and put it on the empty bedside table beside her.

"Bella...Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked standing I stood upright.

"Yes, sure" she answered and I immediately crouched down and knelt on my knees.

"Look...Bella, I feel so awful about Tuesday...I did something that was so completely wrong on so many different levels and I didn't give your feelings a second thought which was probably the worst thing I could have ever done...I do revolve my life around my boyfriend and also myself and I never really noticed it before now...I am going to learn how to be a better person, Bella and I hope you will be able to forgive me in your own time because I really want us to be sisters...REAL sisters who talk about anything and everything. I haven't been a sister to you recently and I desperately want to change that, Bella" I explained.

Bella exhaled loudly...Similar to the way my dad had done earlier.

"Alice...I was upset at all of you and I wanted inside to stay angry at you but the thing is..We all make mistakes and I know that most people are going to think about why I am doing this...I should make you grovel in all honesty and there is a part of me that wants to because I had gotten used to the routine of all of us not talking....But now, you are talking to me again...It seems like nothing has happened" Bella replied.

"Something HAS happened and Bella if you choose to make us work for your forgiveness then that is your right and we would all completely understand if you made that choice" I said as she smiled in response.

"I said to Esme earlier that even though I hated my mom for being who she was...There were times when I wanted to strangle her and end the misery of living with her I never, ever stopped loving here because she was my family...The only thing I had and accepting her lifestyle weighed out more in mind than wanting to end it all."

"I never thought about your mom and how many times you must have gone through it and it was so incredibly selfish of me to not think about that" I said.

"It was the fact that I had forgotten about her that puzzled me; when I was putting Edward to bed like that I didn't think about her once and now when I think about it all in my head...I know that must be something that tells me I am used to having you guys as family now"

"We have all fallen in love with you, Bella...As corny as that might sound we have and you being here has kind of completed us where we didn't even know the piece was missing from the jigsaw in the first place" I replied

"I stayed away from you, Emmett and Edward because I didn't know what to say...I knew that Carlisle was going to speak to you but I couldn't do anything about that"

"He was upset with us Bella, more upset than I think we have ever seen him and it broke our hearts that we were all responsible for that."

"I was angry...I am not anymore" Bella stated with a small smile.

"I am so sorry, Bella...For everything that I may have done to hurt you" I said as she smiled wider.

"I forgive you...But I have two conditions, Alice" She said.

"Name them" I said with confidence

"I need your help in finding me a job...I have asked Esme as well but with three people I reckon we could find more options"

"Of course I will help you and what's the other one?" I asked her

"If you could schedule an evening free sometime soon...I really want to see the town but I need someone to come with me...The only other people I know don't drive and I don't know how to walk there from here" She said and I smiled.

"I don't have to schedule anything, Bella...Just name the day and I will be there" I said with a smile...I got up from my knees and waved at her before walking out of the room...I had desperately wanted to hug her but I figured that it would be too soon....I just needed to tell her that I was sorry and I have, the idea of me wanting a hug seemed irrelevant.

I exhaled as I walked down the stairs...A weight now being lifted from my shoulders and I skipped into the kitchen to find Emmett and Edward sitting at the table laughing together, their plated empty.

"All done...Who's next?"I sang

"I'll go" Emmett said as he got up from his chair and out of the door...I warmed up a chunk of food for myself and set a place at the table moving Emmett's stuff to the side.

*~Bella~*

I was out of any kind of words when Alice had left....Having an apology meant a lot to me but in all honesty I was more relieved that the two of us were back to normal and maybe now we could spent more time together...I really wanted to do that with her.

I pulled the plate from the bedside table and put it on my lap...Lifting up the knife and fork and taking a bite the taste feeling good on my tongue...I was about to dig up my second bit when there was another knock at my door.

"Come in" I said as I shoved the contents of my mouth to the side...Emmett walked in with a small smile on his face..He looked kind of embarrassed...That wasn't like him. I swallowed my food loudly and watched him as he closed the door behind him.

"Hey Bella" he greeted me with a small wave

"Hi Emmett" I answered as he placed his hands in pockets and rocked his body backwards and forwards slightly...I put the knife and fork I was still holding on either side of the plate before putting it back on the bedside table and placing my hands in my lap. Emmett exhaled loudly.

"Is everything ok Emmett?" I asked him as he relaxed his stance but kept his hands in his pockets.

"I am sorry, Bella for the other night" He blurted out "I didn't think about Edward at all that night and how much of a state he was in...If anything I was the one that was daring him to drink more" He added and I smiled a little at his honesty.

"I think too much about Rosalie...A hell of a lot more than normal guy should and I always want to spend time with her and I forget about the most important people in my life...My family. Even though I know Rosalie will no doubt always be mine and Christ I will always be hers until she has had enough of me...My family will always be in my life, you will always be a big part of my life Bella just like Alice and Edward are" Emmett said, his voice still a little shaky. "This really isn't a good apology is it?" he asked me...I fought back a giggle...I knew that Emmett was a sentimental person but I was appreciating the fact that he was trying.

"Emmett, come here" I said as he walked over and knelt beside me on the floor of my room the same way that Alice had done. "Emmett...I said to Alice that I wasn't angry at you three anymore, I was because it brought some things back to me afterwards that were unpleasant and I am not going to lie to you and say that I was okay with it all" I stated and he nodded.

"I understand Bella, we should have spending more time with you and getting to know you better instead of going off by ourselves...I have gotten so used to it being just me, Alice and Edward and you now being my sister is not a bad thing and I don't want you to take that the wrong way-" he babbled and I smiled again.

"Emmett I don't" I said as he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I am just saying that we fucked up, Bella...We all know that we have fucked up and believe me I don't think any of us have seen dad that angry before" he said and I nodded back at him smiling "now we just want to make it up to you, Bella...Make you a proper sister to us. Can you forgive me Bella?" He asked and I sighed...Emmett had shown a different side to me now and even though I would like to see him beg...I can't do that to him.

"I forgive you, Emmett" I said frankly and he beamed at me tapping my leg a few times before getting up.

"Thank you little sis" He said and then walked back out of the door.

Now...I was waiting on Edward...I eyed the food on my bedside table and felt my stomach rumble slightly but if I picked it up now then I would have to put it back down when Edward showed up and there didn't seem much point...I ran my hands through my hair as I exhaled slowly.

"Bella" Edward's voice flew through my ears, I looked up and he was standing at the door.

"Come in, Edward" I said...He turned and closed the door after himself and took a few steps forward still not coming anywhere near me and I knew why he had done it.

"I am....So....Sorry" He said emphasising on each word...His expression and the sound of his voice completely genuine. "I was an idiot...I did something that I will never be proud of even if I live forever...I said to you that I wasn't going to drink and made up this view of me being sensible but the truth is, Bella...I am not sensible sometimes and if someone had said that to me a week ago I would have probably hit them in the face but I have been thinking a lot about the way I am for the past four days, Bella and I know now that I need to change" He explained his voice breaking slightly...I could tell he was about to cry and I didn't know what to do...My heart was saying to rush over and comfort him and then my head was saying how much he had hurt me and how much I didn't like to see him drink because I knew what it did to people's health...I found myself making another choice. I looked up at Edward who was now biting his lip waiting for my reaction. I patted the spot on my bed as a gesture for him to sit down; he gave me an adamant expression before walking over and sitting down his arms glued to his sides. He looked up at me from side-on.

"You really hurt me, Edward" I said...I went with the truth; even though it might hurt sometimes I wanted to be honest with him and myself.

"I know, Bella...I can't even begin to imagine what that night was like for you and how you must have felt...I thought only of myself and I screwed up again" He replied and I smiled internally...Emmett had said fuck but Edward had said the nicer word...I would have guessed that Edward would swear in heightened emotion..But maybe not..._Focus Bella!_

"It didn't hurt me at the time as much as it did afterwards, Edward...Why did you do it? Why did you drink?" I asked.

Edward shook his head "I don't know, Bella...I had always liked the rush of alcohol as it hit your head and as strange as this might sound..Alcohol gave me a sense of confidence that I would never have without it in my system" he explained.

"It damages you...It can kill you, Edward" I stated and he shook his head.

"Bella you have every right to ask me to leave and never speak to you again...I have an appalling track record with you so far and I haven't been as nice of a person to you as I should have been at the beginning" he said

"You have been nice to me, Edward you have given me a-"I started

"A book...Bella I realised later on after I gave it to you that I intended to get a peace offering out of you...Both that and the fact that you deserved it which is still true. I can't just give you a book and expect you to forget everything, Bella...I was an absolute jerk to you and I have no excuse for it...I have done you wrong twice now Bella and I am determined now that I will never make a third..I may have said to you that I wouldn't ever be horrible again and the fact that you gave me a second chance when other people would have turned me down after that makes me believe that I do not deserve someone as good as you in my life...I failed to see the good in you, Bella and I am truly sorry for that" he broke me off.

There he was...Pouring his soul out to me and what was strange was that I already saw a change in him that we had done when we last spoke I couldn't name it but I liked it.

"Edward...I want things to go back to normal...I want to know that I can love my new siblings, EVERYTHING and anything about them because I need to know that I am loved here" I answered.

"You ARE loved, Bella...A hell of a lot more than you realise...You have touched us all, even me" he said and I looked up at him and burrowed my eyebrows.

"How?" I asked him.

"You are without a doubt one of the maturest, caring and loving young girls I have ever had the privilege to know and you are my SISTER which makes it all ten times better. I can call you every compliment under the sun, Bella and there wouldn't ever be enough but that doesn't take away what I have done..What we have all done to you." He said.

"I want a brother, Edward...Someone who protects me and disapproves of boyfriends and makes fun of me on a daily basis...I want a secure life" I said.

"As a brother I have to say right now that that's not ALL we do" he chuckled slightly "I want to be that for you, Bella...I love Alice to death and I am probably too much of a man to admit it to her myself but I will do that for you, Bella if that is what you truly want"

"I do...I need to know that you won't do anything stupid and I need to know that my family is safe and that they like me being here-"

"You need acceptance and love" Edward broke me off...It wasn't a question but a statement.

"Yes" I answered.

"Bella I already love you like a sister, Alice loves you like a sister, Emmett loves you like a sister and mom and dad certainly love you as parents...You will never have a problem with being accepted by us, Bella because you were accepted into this family the minute you arrived. It is now our job to gain acceptance from you and we...I mean me, Emmett and Alice have really made a pigs-ear of that" he stated.

"I should be mad at you" I said

"I agree" he replied

"I should make you beg" I said

"I would do it for you, Bella" He replied

"But...I don't" I said

"You don't?" He asked.

I shook my head "No...I want things to be back how they were and I want to spend time with you guys and be a family"

"We should have spent time with you already if I am honest but if you allow it, we would like to change that" he said

"I would allow it, I would welcome it Edward" I said and he smiled at me.

"Can you give me a third chance, Bella?" He asked me and I thought about it.

"I won't give you a third chance because I have always believed that people should only have two chances but I will give you an opportunity like I have done with Alice and Emmett...I will forgive you now but for you individually I need you to be careful, Edward...My mom's life was screwed up by that stuff and I don't want you going down the same road and end up losing your family" I explained.

"Thank you, Bella...Believe me I won't" he answered.

Nothing more was left to say as Edward left the room...I was content now that everything was back to the way it was and to how it should have been..I glanced over at the clock it was now 9:00...I felt drained but I needed to do one more thing before I could sleep.

I walked down the stairs and continued towards Carlisle's office...I walked in instantly regretting the fact that I should have knocked but I closed the door after me anyway.

Carlisle looked up from his desk and smiled.

"Bella...Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asked me and I moved towards him.

I got to his desk and instead of standing still in front of him I went around to face him head-on...Wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulling him to me. He tightened his grip around me and pulled me onto his lap..I swung my legs to the side...My body-side on from his and he rubbed my back comfortingly. I pulled away after a few moments.

"They said sorry" I said and he nodded.

"You forgive them?" He asked....I nodded and he kissed my forehead. "If you can forgive them Bella, then so can I" he said before pulling me back into a hug.

We finally pulled apart after a few minutes..I lifted my legs over to the front of my body and walked back around the desk to face him again.

"Thank you, Carlisle...For everything" I said

"You're welcome Bella...You're my daughter now" he replied. I smiled and walked away from the desk and got to the door when I turned around again – he was still facing me.

"I love you" I said

"I love you too, Bella" He replied as I walked out of the door completely and closing it after me.

This was it...This was the time for a new beginning for all of us.

**Okay so everything is back to normal now...Bella doesn't hold grudges...I am not going to turn her into me ****.**

**Thanks again to anyone who is reading this...I feel so drained after this chapter and I really hope that you like it.**

**Songs : **

***The only one – Evanescence***

*** Forever – Vertical Horizon***

***Can't break a broken heart* Kate Voegele**

**I also listened to my FAVOURITE 'Avenged Sevenfold' song – 'A little piece of Heaven' in tribute to the brilliant legend that was James 'The Rev' Sullivan...RIP. **


	16. Port Angeles

**Bonjour ma cherries! **

**HUGE thanks to 'Raven Jadewolfe' for reviewing EVERY chapter of AML...Your thoughts mean too much...*Hugs* I will return the favour and review yours ofc later on today...x x**

**Don't worry nothing is going to go smoothly from now on – That I can promise you...Nothing is ever forgotten after 'I'm Sorry' even if you wished it could disappear out of your mind completely.**

**So from here on out I am going to gradually pull Bella's wings out from underneath her jumper...She hides them too much and she needs to let them show now so be prepared for her to be a little more independent.**

**RIP again to the legend that was 'The Rev' from A7X....So sad that the year 2009 has taken away another great person. Tributes to the rest of A7X and Rev's family.**

*~Bella~*

I sat on my bed with my head in the clouds...Have you ever had one of those days where you don't think about anything in particular you tend to think about various different things...Touching on the surface of one thought and then going to another one and then another and the thoughts may not be chained by similarity they could be something completely random.

I twiddled my fingers around the ends of my hair...Not knowing where my mind was but I didn't seem to worry about it – I liked the way I could escape into another world and forget about reality for a while.

"Hey...Dolly day-dream...Put your make-up on we're going to Port Angeles!"

I snapped out of my daydream and looked towards my bedroom door at Alice staring at me with both her hands on her hips.

"What"? I replied still in a daze.

"Port Angeles...We are all having a day out and I am not taking no for an answer" she said and I bit my lip.

"Alice...I don't think-" I started

"Bella come on....It won't be the same without you...All of us are going" Alice said as she shot me a pout.

"Okay fine...But NO shopping" I replied, Alice opened her mouth to protest before closing it and nodding in understanding.

I smiled a little wickedly at her as she rolled her eyes...Alice may be persuasive but I did have the one-up on her at the moment and I didn't think there should be anything wrong with using that advantage.

I grabbed my makeup bag after Alice left the room and went with makeup colours that were similar to my own skin tone...I didn't want to go all-out but I wanted to look presentable and any way I had earned myself a huge spot on my face and there was no way I was going to go out with what looked like a huge traffic light on my face.

Once I had finished I contemplated about doing my hair...The sun hardly ever shone here in Forks and it was similar to England in that way...It seemed pointless doing my hair up nicely and then just have the rain dumped on it..I picked out a pair dark blue jeans although they did look navy blue in some lights and a black V-neck sweater...I looked to the edge of the wardrobe and smiled surprised to find I did own a coat...It was black and shapely which suited me just fine...I wasn't the person to wear gold glitter material like Alice.

I left my hair and checked to make sure I had put my makeup on right before walking out of my room again and down the stairs.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed the carton of apple juice from the fridge and took out a glass and poured some in before putting the carton back in the fridge. I drank slowly wincing at the coldness of the juice hitting my teeth before washing the glass out and putting it back in the cabinet when I had finished.

I couldn't hear anything in the house...Carlisle would be in his office and Esme was still upstairs in bed...There were no signs of my brothers and sister so I would do something to wait for them, I could imagine that Alice was making sure she had her appearance just right and probably bossing our brothers around to make the same effort. I walked into the living room and plopped myself down on the sofa and grasped the remote next to me on the arm...I flicked the TV on and it immediately was on a channel where two girls were having an argument...It was American by the accents so I kept it on the channel and attempted to get in to it...I didn't want to try and change the channel because I have no idea about how US TV works.

"One Tree Hill....Nice!" I turned my head to see Emmett walking towards me.

"Is that what it's called? I wouldn't know" I replied as he threw himself next to me causing my body to sink into the sofa a little more.

"These two are best friends...The brunette is called Brooke and she is played by the HOT Sophia Bush and the blonde is called Peyton played by also HOT Hillarie Burton"

"I am sure their faces are plastic" I said as Emmett chuckled lightly.

"How do you know?" Emmett asked.

"They're cheeks don't move...Isn't that what people in this country do? Pull their faces so tight that they can't see properly and then to feel younger they marry men thirty years older than them" I explained.

"Haha wow the Brits certainly don't like us do they"? Emmett remarked.

"No, there is no judgement with English Society against Americans...It's my own personal view really everyone needs to look so fantastic and they can't take the pressure so they turn plastic...I think it's a shame that people can't be accepted the way they are" I replied as Emmett nodded looking deep in thought about what I had just said.

"I am changing the subject a little bit here, Bella...Rosalie is coming with us today and Jasper too and I just wondered whether you were okay with that? I mean...It's okay if you only want us with you" he said.

"No Emmett it's fine...If I had a boyfriend of my own then I probably would push him to come with us to meet my family...I only want Rosalie to actually TALK to me...It's really awkward when we are standing staring at each other and neither of us having anything to say" I explained giving him an apologetic look "It's not a big problem Emmett but it would be nice to actually say one word to her without her looking like she has just thrown me up" I added.

"Don't worry, Bella...I spoke to her this week about it and she agrees that it is awkward" he replied and I nodded back in relief.

"Thanks. So where are Alice and Edward"? I asked him as he sighed with a gradual smile forming on his lips.

"Once Alice had attempted to work her so-called 'magic' on me she moved on to Edward...I have no idea about whether he told her to where to shove it or not but I guess we will have to wait and see" he replied and I giggled.

"Poor Alice....You look good though, Emmett" I said the blush instantly forming on my cheeks..._why did you have to go and say that, Bella._

"I can only guess that the blush forming on your face proves that you want me...I don't know how you go about this in England, Bella but here it is perverted to fancy your own brother" He said sarcastically with a smirk thrown in...I nudged him in the elbow trying hard to fight the smile pulling at my mouth.

"There is no law when you are ADOPTED siblings" I threw back and Emmett guffawed throwing his head back.

"Bella, Bella, Bella....I am so proud of you"! He exclaimed and I giggled along with him. "Maybe you should watch American TV more often if it leads to these kinds of conversations" he added.

"Emmett I don't need to make your ego any bigger so I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of doing it again" I shot back.

"Ahhh well...I will get it out of you when you least expect it" he replied and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay are you guys ready to go"? Alice chimed as she came down the stairs the sound of her voice mixing in with her steps.

"Ali we have been ready for about twenty minutes...What were you guys doing up there?" Emmett asked in a whine.

"We weren't doing anything...Just talking" Edward replied as he joined Alice at the bottom of the stairs...Shooting me a little smile in greeting and Emmett a nod of his head.

"Alrighty...Let's go" Alice sang as she grabbed her keys off of the coffee table and walked out of the door without a backward glance...Emmett got up reached for something in his back pocket which were his own keys and he walked out with Edward...I stretched out a little before getting up and walking out of the door closing it behind me.

I stood outside the front door at both cars...Emmett and Edward had already climbed into Emmett's jeep and turned the key into the ignition I looked over at Alice and she waved at me with a huge smile on her face...I guess it's going to be girls against the guys today. I sighed inwardly and walked over to Alice's car climbing in and fastening my seatbelt.

"So is there anywhere you would like to go in particular, Bella"? Alice asked as she drove out of the driveway and turned on the radio.

"Not really thanks" I said and she smiled.

"You're one of those people who walk around until they see somewhere interesting and only then do they go in"? she asked me.

"Yeah something like that" I answered.

"I wish I could be more like that....I adore clothes far too much that it is really hard to have any self-control I would be happier knowing if I did appreciate what I had and not waste my money on these things but I can't help it" she said

"I know you can't Alice...There are sometimes when I wish I could be more girly like you are" I stated and she giggled next to me.

"Maybe we can learn from each other"? Alice said and I smiled and nodded.

It was around another fifteen minutes before Alice parked her car into a car park...Emmett's jeep was already there...I climbed out of the car with Alice and took a look around.

We were at what looked like a pier...Something that I would have seen in England in places like Brighton and Dover it was nice...There were no seagulls crowing like in England but there were large amounts of cloud in the sky so strangely enough it did feel refreshing to be there and I hadn't ever been out of the house up until now so I would do my best to enjoy myself.

Alice took my hand and locked her car by the button on her keys before we both made our way over to Emmett and Edward who were sitting on some rocks.

"Guys...It is not a race unless I say it is there is no need to go fast and leave us behind" Alice said and I bit my lip from trying not to laugh at the sound of her voice.

"Sorry little sis but us guys need the adrenaline rush" Emmett replied as Alice exhaled in aggravation.

"Adrenaline rush"? Alice asked sarcastically.

"Yeah it's very common..." Emmett started

"You can Google it" Edward broke him off and Alice stared down at her feet biting her lips together, I could tell that she was trying to hide her laughter I just smiled at my brothers even though I had no idea about what they had just said.

"I guess you won't be wanting these then" Emmett said as he reached behind his back and pulled out two large cups with a spoon wrapped on the side. Alice squealed and grabbed a cup from Emmett...I looked at Emmett with confusion.

"It's okay Bella, it's the best ice cream in the world" Edward said as Emmett pushed the cup closer to me...I grabbed it hesitantly and pulled at the spoon on the side. It fell out of the wrapping and I entwined it with my fingers and scooped some ice cream out of the cup onto it...I put it up to my mouth and tasted it.

_Oh my God_....I had some good ice cream in the past but this was beyond anything I have ever tasted...I beamed at Emmett as I lapped my tongue around the sweetness of the ice cream.

"It's good isn't it"? He smirked at me.

"What is it"?! I exclaimed at him once I had fully swallowed my first taste.

"Ben and Jerry's...To be precise that flavour is cookie dough" He replied as I dug my fork in deeper this time and took a bigger bite...He giggled.

"So how about we walk along the beach"? Alice asked us as she looked at us all in turn...We all nodded.

Emmett grabbed my hand and dragged me along the opposite way we had just come...I whined internally that I could no longer taste anymore ice cream until he let go but I was holding out hope that he would release me soon enough. We all got to a descending mould of steps...I could see the sand at the bottom..I looked behind me and Edward was clasping onto Alice's hand as she smiled assuringly at me. Our brothers led us down the steps until we got to the bottom and then both Emmett and Edward released our hands and sprinted in front of us towards the sea. Alice grabbed my hand from behind me and giggled as she looked out towards the sea with me.

"Guys eh"? she said and I giggled...Alice began to walk along the sand with her grip still on me I looked at my ice cream cup and sighed...The ice cream had already begun to melt and it didn't look like Alice was ever going to let go.

"Do you miss your home, Bella"? Alice asked me as we continued to walk...The sound of the waves crashing and the wind caressing our faces.

"A little...Being in places like this kind of makes it more real the fact that I am not there anymore" I answered and she nodded.

"You never know...You may like the US even more than England after a few years" she stated and I laughed a little.

"Maybe" I said and she smiled. "Why were you with Edward so long earlier?" I asked her and she lifted her head up to look out in front of her and sighed.

"That's not really for me to say, Bella...Has he ever told you about a girl named Jessica Stanley?" She asked.

I nodded..."Hold on, that's not the Jessica I eat lunch with, is it?!" I asked her.

"No that's Jessica Hewer" She said and I sighed a little in relief – The last thing I would need at school was a girl harassing me about Edward. "Jessica Stanley is a friend of our cousin's...She doesn't go to this school but we were talking about her" she said and I nodded closing my mouth at the same time...I didn't want to be nosey.

"Where's Jasper"? I asked her.

"He's working at the moment...He will be here later on though, he is also giving Rose a lift down" Alice replied.

"Alice...Are you really good friends with Rosalie"?

"As much as she will let me anyway...Rosalie is a secretive person inside she just doesn't like to show it...She has been through a lot and we have each other's backs now and that's all I could ask from her really....I wouldn't worry, Bella she will get used to you" Alice said and I nodded.

Alice and I had reached another area of rocks...Alice released my arm as I perched onto one easily and began to dig into my now almost-runny ice cream...I looked up when I heard Alice scream.

Emmett and Edward had both grabbed her; Edward had grabbed her feet and Emmett her shoulders...Her cup of ice cream discarded on the sand and about to be washed up by the sea. I smiled back as Alice did not seem to look annoyed, she was giggling along with the guys. Emmett and Edward began to take her deeper into the sea and Alice's screams got louder without any kind of warning they dumped Alice's body in the water.

I winced at the suddenness of her body hitting the water but was happy when her head bobbed back up her hand running through her hair as she stood upright. She crouched down and splashed Emmett as he chuckled and splashed her back the two of them completely soaked to the skin. I had the last bits of ice cream and squashed the cup in my hands.

"You alright up here"?

I looked up from the cup to see Edward standing in front of me...Wearing a jumper which he must have put on over his wet one because a few wet patches had soaked through onto the dark coloured jumper.

"Yes thanks...Are you not cold"? I asked him pointing at his partly-wet shirt. He smiled and run his hand through his hair.

"No...I don't feel the cold that much" he replied "Can I sit with you?" he asked, I looked up at him.

"You don't have to ask, Edward" I replied and he smirked and sat down next to me pulling his knees up to fold his arms on them.

"I would take you in but I imagine that you wouldn't like it" he said and I smiled fiddling with the cup in both my hands.

"That's right...I can't swim anyway" I said as Edward shot his glance towards me.

"You're kidding me, Bella"? He asked and I shook my head.

"My mom was going to teach me but she never got round to it..." I trailed off.

"I could teach you if you want" Edward asked and I scoffed.

"No thank you all the same but I don't like the water" I replied as Edward giggled a little.

"Why"? He said.

"It's dirty" I said as he giggled a little more.

"You are a funny one, sis you know that"? He said and I smiled.

"I am your sister though and you are supposed to love everything about me" I stated.

"Touché ma petit soeur" he replied and I groaned.

"Enough with the French already, Edward" I whined and he gestured zipping up his mouth and continued to look out to where Alice and Emmett were still attacking each other now physically along with the saltwater.

"Do you two always do that to Alice"? I asked.

"Yes...It's the Cullen tradition...Every beach we go to we throw Alice in" he said and I giggled at the thought of Alice being thrown into a variety of different seas but hands up to her as she giggled and laughed about it...I would throw myself into a fit if I was her.

"Looks like Emmett and Alice are ready to come out" he said as I looked at Alice and Emmett who had now reached the sand and were still laughing. Edward hopped down from the rock and gestured his hand out towards me, I took it and jumped down...Edward grabbed another jumper from a rock further away and I walked along beside him.

"Emmett...Here's your jumper"! Edward yelled as Emmett gave a thumbs up in appreciation and ran towards us, Alice tiptoed along behind probably uncomfortable where her shoes were wet. Edward handed Emmett his jumper and I unfastened the buttons on my coat...Taking it completely off of my shoulders and held it out to Alice.

"No Bella I am fine really" she answered in protest and I shot her an angry look.

"Alice you are going to freeze...Take it" I replied

"Thank you very much, Bella" she said with a smile taking it and wrapping it around herself.

"So who wants lunch"? Emmett said....all of us rolled our eyes before nodding and walked down the same way that we had come. One by one we climbed up the steps again only this time we walked past the cars and further into the town.

The walk wasn't long as Emmett stopped in front of a line of buildings on a street and turned to face us.

"What do we all fancy today then"? He asked us all as I gave Alice a look.

"EMMETT"? We all turned round at the sound of Emmett being called and saw Rosalie and Jasper walking towards us from behind arm in arm. Rosalie waved timidly and Jasper smiled as they got closer. Jasper grabbed a hold of Alice and swung her around as she giggled then kissed her on the lips lovingly...Rosalie wrapped her arm around Emmett as he wrapped his own arm around her and kissed her forehead.

"Hi Bella, Edward" Rosalie greeted us with a little smile and we both said our greetings back.

"Hey guys" Jasper said as he had released himself from Alice's lips...I waved back with enthusiasm and Edward nodded.

"We were just deciding where to go for Lunch" Emmet said as Rosalie rolled her eyes at him...She was clearly on the same page with the rest of us about how much Emmett ate each day.

"BELLA"? I turned at my name being called from a distance and saw Mike Newton standing on the other end of the street waving at me enthusiastically...I walked over to him not wanting to look at everyone else's expressions.

"Hi Mike" I greeted him with a smile.

"Fancy seeing you down here..." He exclaimed and I shuffled my feet nervously.

"How are you"? I asked him

"I'm good" He answered nodding enthusiastically "We are all eating at GiGis further down...Me, Jess, Angela and Eric that is...Would you care to join us?" he asked me with a smile and I bit my lip...I turned to my family and saw that they were all talking amongst themselves except from Alice who was looking at me..I gestured for her to come over and she obliged my coat still hugged tightly around her shoulders.

"Are you okay, Bella"? She asked me as she reached me.

"Mike has just offered me to go and have lunch with him and the rest of the guys from school" I explained and she smiled.

"That's good, Bella...You can go with them if you like" she replied.

"Are you sure"? I asked

"Yeah of course..We will meet you outside here in a couple of hours..Does that sound okay?" she asked me and I smiled at her nodding. "Okay well have fun...I doubt the place we will end up going will serve things that you like" she added and I nodded.

"Thanks Alice" I said appreciatively.

"We will be down the road at 'Stanton' if you need us" she said...She pulled me into a hug briefly before walking back over to join the rest of them...She spoke to them all before they all turned to wave at me and carried on walking down the road.

"Sorry to interrupt the family gathering" Mike said.

"You weren't interrupting" I said.

"Shall we"? He said gesturing towards the row of restaurants and I followed him to the restaurant.

The warmness of the restaurant soothed me as we both walked in...The waiter gave Mike a puzzled look before Mike said that I was with him...The waiter nodded and handed me a menu I thanked him and followed Mike to the table.

"Hey Bella" Angela greeted me with a wide smile..I waved timidly at them as Mike pulled up an extra chair he held onto the back with both hands as I walked over to sit on it he pushed me further in closer to the table, I opened the menu and put it on the table in front of me.

"Thanks" I said

"It's my pleasure, madam" Mike replied as he went and occupied another seat opposite from me at the table.

"So, Bella what brings you here"? Jess asked enthusiastically

"I was out with my family" I explained.

"Ahh the infamous Cullen clan...I bet they weren't too pleased when you ditched them for us" Eric remarked.

"I didn't ditch them...They said I could" I replied

"I meant no harm to them Bella" Eric said with an apologetic look and I nodded in understanding.

"They are always hanging around together...It's a relief to know that Bella wants to spend time with us" Mike remarked as I glanced at him.

"Why wouldn't I want to be with you"? I asked him...A little hurt about the way that they were talking about my new family.

"I don't know...I know full well that the Cullens' would chew their arms off than be seen with us" Mike replied as I felt the anger boil slightly in my stomach.

"Can we please not talk about them like this...It's not right" I said and they all looked at each other.

"Pay no attention to the guys, Bella...Sometimes they don't know when to shut up" Angela said and I smiled appreciating the fact that she hadn't said a bad word against my brothers and sister.

"Would you guys like any drinks"? The young waiter asked us appearing out of nowhere.

"I'll have a Coke" Mike said

"I will have a glass of your finest 7up please"? Eric said

"Can I have a Fanta"? Jess asked

"Make that two" Angela added

"I'll have lemonade, please"? I finished...The waiter scrawled the drinks order down on the piece of paper and walked away to get them.

"Does anyone know what to order"? Jess asked us as everyone peered from behind their menus.

"I will have the steak" Eric said

"As always" Angela remarked.

"Bella, what about you"? I hadn't even looked at the menu since I sat down...I picked it up and skimmed it quickly surprised that there was a good variety of different foods and put it down in front of me as I finished reading.

"I will have the mushroom Ravioli" I said

"Good choice" Mike remarked and I smiled at him.

"The chicken Caesar salad looks good...I will have that" Angela said putting down her menu.

"Well...I don't know whether to have fish or meat" Jess said.

"They're both meat so it doesn't really matter" Eric said and I smiled a little.

"Okay I will go with the salmon" Jess decided.

"I am having the burger...You can't go wrong with a bit of quarter pounder" Mike exclaimed as we all giggled.

The waiter came over with our drinks and placed them in the middle of the table as he then scribbled down our food orders and walked away again promptly...We all took our drinks in turn and pulled them in front of us.

"So Bella have you had a lot of work to do for school, yet"? Angela asked me as the two guys were in their own discussion across the table.

"I have had some...But not a lot I was surprised really I thought I would get more" I replied

"Don't let the teachers hear you say that they will start piling it on" Jess said as I giggled.

"It must be hard for you coming here for schooling; Bella...Is it different to English schools?" Angela asked.

I shook my head "There isn't that much difference actually...Like in England we would have different names for exams like SATs and GCSEs but here you have mid-terms and finals so it's just the little things that have had me stumped" I explained

"Do you have a worst teacher yet?" Jess asked

"No...They all seem okay, some are better than others though" I said and they both nodded.

"How are your family, Bella"? Jess asked "Are you settling in okay"? she added.

"Yeah they are all really nice...I am getting used to the change now" I replied.

"That's good" Angela said.

"I am really liking it here though" I added.

"America or Port Angeles"? Jess asked me with a smile.

"Port Angeles...Although America is okay so far" I replied and we all chuckled in unison.

The rest of lunch went by quickly....The ravioli I had was really nice and I had no complaints about the service...The one major difference that I had noticed so far with England and America was that people in America were happy with what they had in terms of food whereas the English were more particular about what they ate and where they ate there was nothing wrong with either of them because now I was experiencing both cultures but it was a surprise to me all the same. I didn't order dessert because I only had a small amount of money on me that I had kept hidden in the lining of my diary which no one else had ever known about...It was supposed to be for emergencies but I was no longer at home with my mom so it didn't seem to matter.

"Thank you so much for inviting me, everyone" I said to the other four members at my table.

"It's our pleasure, Bella" Eric replied

"It's nice to be able to see you outside of school" Angela added

"Maybe we could do it again, sometime"? Jess asked me

"That sounds great" I said as I reached into my pocket to pull out my money I put it on the table

"Bella...The bill's taken care of already" Jess said.

"Oh, really"? I said a bit taken aback

"My dad owns the place...I get a tab each time I come" She said as she picked the money off of the table and gave it back to me.

"Wow..Can you tell your dad that I am impressed" I said still amazed, taking the money from her.

"Of course" she said with a chuckle.

I put the money back in my pocket and looked at my watch...I had around five minutes left until Alice and the others would be waiting outside to see me...I got up and said my goodbyes to all of them and left the restaurant and stepped outside into the cooler, darker air.

I paced up and down slowly as I waited outside the coldness of the wind causing me to shiver...I wrapped my arms around myself tightly and waited.

"Hey Bella"! Alice called me from my right....She was alone.

"Hi Alice...Where are the others"? I asked her as she approached me

"I will explain everything later...for now let's get out of the cold" she said taking my hand and leading me back towards her car.

Emmett's jeep had disappeared and Alice's was the only car left in the car park now; We both climbed in and fastened our seatbelts.

"Thank you again for the coat, Bella...You weren't waiting too long for me were you?" Alice asked as she turned the keys in the ignition.

"No not at all" I answered her...We were silent for the rest of the way home.

Alice and I entered our house and into the warmness of the living room; Rosalie was sitting on one of the sofas her gaze turning to us as she heard the door close.

"Hey Rose, did you use Emmett's keys"? Alice asked.

"Yes...I hope that's ok" Rosalie replied.

"That's fine, Rose" Alice exclaimed....She took off my coat and hung it over her arm.

"I am going to put this in the washing room to dry, I will be back in a moment" Alice said before walking off with my coat. I turned to Rosalie who was staring at me.

"Did you enjoy your lunch, Bella"? Rosalie asked

"Yes thank you. Did you"? I asked her back, thankful that she had said more than one word to me so far.

"Yes thanks...Although I didn't eat much it's hard when you have Emmett next to you" she remarked and I giggled.

"I can probably imagine that it would be hard" I replied as she smiled.

"Okay girls here is the plan" Alice sang as she came back in to the living room "Emmett, Edward and Jasper decided that they wanted a guys night in so they have all gone around Jasper's for the night..So I have brought you two back here to have a girly night in" she explained with a beaming smile of excitement.

"I was beginning to wonder when we would have another one of those" Rosalie said with the same smile on her face

"Before you say anything, Bella...We are going to show you how Americans paper themselves..Think of it as a learning experience" Alice said.

"Okay, Alice" I said slightly eager to know what she had on her mind at this moment.

"I brought face packs, popcorn and romantic movies...Everything is set"! Alice said as she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to her room; Rosalie got up from the sofa and followed behind in close pursuit.

_This was going to be a long night.....!!_

**I have to say quickly that the last chapter is in fact Chapter 14 I forgot to change it before uploading...This is chapter 15 sorry if I have turned your brains into mush now...:(**

**Next chapter will be a mix between the girls and guys nights in different POVs.**

**I have been asked a few times in reviews about whether Edward and Bella will fall in love....YES they will...Eventually... the road will be a difficult one but it will happen I promise.**

**I do not own twilight – I keep forgetting to disclose that....UGGGH!! **

**Thanks again for your support with this story....I didn't listen to any songs whilst writing this chapter but I definitely WON'T be doing that again...!**

**.S.**

**X x**


	17. Girls and Guys

**The first official day of 2010 ---- ****!**

Here is Chapter 16...Started it in 2009 and finished in 2010 – That sounds weird.....ANYWAY enough of my random crap I have to say a big thanks to **'Rawwr'** for giving me the heads up about the laughing matter last chapter....Ofc I am not sick of you! You can talk to whenever you want. I kind of based the whole laughing thing on my own family...We are BAD gigglers even when we are mad and have full blown arguments we giggle at the end haha I know strange but we love it... but I can see how seeing the same thing time and time again can drive you up the wall...No offence taken at all with that point my lovely I appreciate your thoughts....I would say I am sorry for not giving you more E/B time but I'm NOT....It's all entirely intentional on my part .

Big thank you to ***'TwiAggie'*-** You weren't the only one who cried at their apologies...I did too !

***cow531* **

***laceycrazy08*** and ***MissNerdy21*** for their reviews.

Also a little note to **'Raven Jadewolfe'** - I LOVE your story 'The Black Swan'!! All of the people who are reading this story here's a little hint to check this story out...Now I have my laptop back up and running I will send a review on the chapters later my lovely...Bloody comp broke AGAIN!

That's my signal to shut up now!

The **songs** for the **girl's night** are -

*Girls just wanna have fun – Cyndi Lauper*, *Whigfield – Saturday Night*, *All for you – Kate Ryan* and *No Ordinary Girl – Kate Alexa*...Mostly 90s music here for both Alice's viewpoint and the fact that Alice loves a lot of CHEESE !

The **guys night songs** are -- *Playing with the boys – Kenny Loggins*, *Bad Boys – Alexandra Burke*, *I gotta feeling – The Black-Eyed Peas*, *8 Mile – Eminem*.

*~Bella~*

"Okay Bella you have two choices....Would you prefer Banana and Kiwi or Mango and Pomegranate flavour for your face pack?" Alice said a bit too cheerfully as she held both of the wrapped packs up in my face...I groaned, since when do face masks come in flavours?! How do you know which is the better one...I could be allergic to the fruits in question and I would easily get out of it...However not today I reckon someone up there wants me to suffer.

I understand how people would want to feel good about themselves and take some time out for them and believe me I am all for that but I have never been interested...I am young and my skin is firm I don't need to worry about wrinkles or excess skin just yet and I don't understand how putting some kind of substance on your face can instantly make you feel better...Alice shot me a look and shook both packs impatiently_...Okay well Bella let's have a little think_...._My favourite fruit is Apple and it is not in those packs so I can't go with that....Favourite colours are yellow and brown...Neither pack are that colour...Shall I go with taste....Bananas don't taste of anything and I have never had a Mango or a Pome...Whatever it's called or even a Kiwi for that matter. Do all people have this kind of trouble picking out a scented face mask?? How am I supposed to pick one I mean I might like them both...._

"Hurry up, Bella and pick one otherwise I will have to pick one for you" Alice said as I ran my hands through my hair...Was beauty this frustrating? If it was then I am pleased I don't bother with that sort of thing it seems like a lot of work.

"I will have the Banana one, Ali...Poor Bella looks like she is going to explode" Rosalie said from across the room and Alice handed her one of the packs...I mouthed a thank you to Rosalie when Alice's back was turned and she smiled and nodded back at me.

"Who wants to go first....Rosalie did you want me to do you so Bella can she what she is up for"? Alice chimed her back to me.

"That's a bad choice of words, Alice but sure I don't mind...Maybe Bella could help out too" Rosalie replied as she positioned herself more comfortably in the armchair reaching for something at her side and pulling it...The bottom of the chair came out and Rosalie's feet stuck up in the air resting on the new part of the chair..I smiled a little as she did look very relaxed all of a sudden

"Rosalie I really don't think...-" I started

"Relax, Bella....We will help you and then maybe next time you can be the main beautician and give Alice a break for a change" She replied

"I don't think so...Fashion and Beauty are the only things I am good at...At least give me those" Alice whined.

"Okay...I am going to say sorry though in advance in case I get it all wrong" I said shooting both Alice and Rosalie apologetic looks.

"How about some music?" Alice said.

"NO"! Rosalie answered her almost yelling...I found myself flinching a little at her tone. "If you put any more nineties music on I will kill myself" She added as Alice whined.

"Don't be so dramatic, Rose...You have said that some of my music was good before" Alice added trying to sway Rose in. Rose wasn't having any of it.

"I said that to shut you up....I love you Alice you know I do but your taste in music seriously sucks" Rosalie stated I looked over at Alice then, worried that Rosalie's remark might have upset her...However Alice didn't look phased at all.

"Okay fine no music...Bella, come over with me to my case" Alice said to me, she took my hand and we made our way over to her bed leaving Rosalie sitting over the other side...I sat opposite Alice on the bed...The huge case in-between us and she opened the lid.

"Foot scrub, Rose?" Alice asked.

"Sea coral, please" Rose replied as Alice took out the item from the case.

"Nail polish?" Alice asked again

"Golden locks" Rose replied as Alice took it out shaking it a little before putting it down.

"Did you bring your makeup with you, Rose?" Alice asked now looking over at her.

"Yes...Emmett and I stopped off at mine to get my beauty bag...I am NOT wearing your makeup however you are a genius at putting it on...The bag should be behind the door...My eye mask should be in there as well" Rose replied her eyes closed as she spoke.

"Alice...Why are we putting on makeup?" I asked her after a few minutes...Surely if we are having a beauty night we should also not have any makeup on.

"Every girl needs a finishing touch, Bella...Trust me it's all worth it" Alice replied with a reassuring smile.

"You will learn also Bella that the only time I DON'T wear makeup is when it is absolutely essential" Rose added from across the room.

"So when you are getting physical with my brother you are still wearing makeup?" Alice asked..._Oh dear..._ now I was going into unwanted territory. I will say this right now I do not have any kind of issue with sex I believe that it should be done when two people love each other and ONLY then..It always seemed such a big step for someone in their lives and it should be something special that is done out of trust and not just to boost ego...Every time someone had mentioned sex to me I had always turned into a tomato and not to mention a stuttering wreck..Mostly because I didn't ever know what to say...I have no experience of that kind of thing and most of the people in my school back in England were either shouting it from the rooftops or had the belly bumps to prove it.

"Oh yes...He has only seen me once without makeup and that was when I was in the hospital last year having my appendix out" she stated.

"Why do you wear it that much, Rose?" Alice asked her

"I just....Don't feel comfortable without it" Rose replied looking down at her feet suddenly.

Wow...I never realised how the majority of people that live in the world are upset with the way they look...whether it be all parts of their body or even be the occasional one....Rosalie was so beautiful and it wasn't surprising that so many people wanted to be her or even be her friend...I was so shocked at what she said that I almost fell of the bed.

"But...Rosalie...I don't understand...You're beautiful" I said then...The words suddenly spilling out of my mouth...I couldn't control it and I instantly regretted it.

Rosalie examined me for a second...There was no doubt that she had seen my blush which I had already began to feel on my cheeks.

"Well thank you, Bella...But the view we have of ourselves is always different to the way that other people see us" she said in a friendly tone.

"I don't think that Emmett would care...He loves you and worships the ground you walk on I don't think he would care about whether you had makeup on or not" I stated at her again.

"Bella...If I said to you that you are beautiful would you believe me?" Rosalie asked.

"No...I can see your point...I mean what I said though Rosalie...I do think that you are very beautiful I mean I would pay huge money to look like you" I replied as genuinely as I possibly could...I started to think that maybe she thought that I had taken my compliments too far but I had to be truthful and it was strange how I wanted someone like her to be happy with the way they are.

Rosalie looked up at me from the chair and I could see Alice looking at me from the corner of my eye...Rosalie suddenly rose from the chair and walked over to me she gestured for me to stand which I did even though I felt very inadequate all of a sudden. Rosalie wrapped her arms around me tightly and I placed my hands lightly on both her shoulder blades...She hugged me for a few minutes before pulling apart from me and smiling...I smiled back at her but was taken aback suddenly as she grabbed my hand and took me over to the chair and pulled me in it...I sunk into the material of the chair and looked up at Rosalie.

"You need to be pampered first Bella, I need to say that I am sorry if I have made you feel inadequate because of the way I am...I am a lot better than what I used to be but I have my own reasons for why I don't trust people right away but you are so sweet and caring, Bella and I think you deserve some time to yourself...Alice, get the bag out and we will decide together just what to do with our Bella" Rosalie said kindly and looked over at Alice.

"All I need you to do for us now, Bella....Is relax" Rosalie said as she stroked my forehead tentatively and I closed my eyes.

*~Jasper~*

"Jasper...You fired up your X-Box"? Emmett shouted from my living room as I was in the kitchen pouring out drinks for us all to have.

"It should be plugged in already, man you just have to turn it on" I shouted in reply...Edward was sitting on the dinner table at the centre of the kitchen he hadn't spoken since we had got back. I turned around abandoning the drinks for a while and sat opposite him he didn't move once I had sat down.

"Edward what's wrong?" I asked him.

"Sorry...Jasper I am miles away" he said snapping out of his trance to look at me

"Did you want a beer?" I asked him.

"No...Thanks all the same, Jasper" he replied.

"Edward are you sure there isn't anything wrong? You can tell me you know...I won't tell Emmett either if you don't want me to." I stated feeling very uneasy about Edward's change of mood.

"No Jasper, just stuff really...So much for a guys night and then there is me who spoils it for you" he replied and I shook my head frantically.

"Edward we...Me and Emmett we are here for you if you need us...You know that don't you?" I asked him as he nodded slightly.

"I really appreciate it Jasper...It's just stuff that I need to sort out by myself" he replied but I still wasn't convinced he was definitely hiding something....For a minute I wished I had my Alice here as she would be able to get the reason out of him.

"Alice told me about Jessica Stanley..." I started.

"Did she? No surprises there, then...I swear that girl can't keep a secret to save her life" he moaned as I sighed in defeat.

"We meant no harm, mate...We just discuss everything I mean there is no other person I could ever wish to talk to everything about but her" I confessed and he sighed.

"I guess that's what love is isn't it? Sharing of souls"? Edward asked.

"In a way...But it's not just communication although that is one of the most important things...You will find it soon, Edward" I replied and he shot me a sceptical look from where he was sitting.

"I am thinking about going out with Jessica again" he stated.

"What's stopping you?" I asked him back.

"I am afraid of not having the same thing as you and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie have with her...I am not in love with her by any means" Edward replied looking solemn.

"I wasn't in love with Alice when I first met her, Edward and I do not think that Emmett was in love with Rose there was an attraction but it wasn't love that didn't come until later" I said.

"I can understand that" Edward said his mood lighting up ever so slightly on his facial features.

"Are you attracted to Jessica, Edward?"

"I reckon I could be but I don't really know what attraction is" he replied.

"Attraction is something where when you see the person you want to be with it draws you to them like a force but it is uncontrollable and you find yourself fantasising that person after you have met them because their face is stuck in your head" I explained

"I can see that my sister has rubbed off on you" Edward said with a little chuckle and a crooked smile.

"What can I say, man? I am in love and I will never be ashamed of that" I said with a smile and a shrug.

"YO GUYS STOP PLAYING AGONY AUNTS AND COME AND PLAY THIS SHIT WITH ME" Emmett roared from the living room and both I and Edward rolled our eyes at each other. Edward got up and walked straight in as I grabbed a pint of beer for myself and Emmett...I got out a soft punch that my mum had made for us before she had gone out tonight and poured it into a glass for Edward and walked into the living room all the drinks on a little tray to prevent any accidents.

*~Edward~*

Listening to Jasper's speech about attraction made me realise that it wouldn't be so bad to have someone like that in your life...Someone who is always in your mind..Someone who steals your heart away from you and takes it as their own...I used to preach about how I would never want that and how I would live my life the way I wanted to without wanting to settle down but the change inside me now was uncontrollable...This is the way I was supposed to be and this was the way I was supposed to think. I have been a complete arsehole to many people these past few years and now I am feeling the remorse...I had been moaning about how much Jessica had rung me but could it be possible that she wants to be with me?? Would she want the same things? I would have to ask my dad for my cell phone back so I could give her a call and meet up...There is no harm in trying after all.

Is there????

*~Rosalie~*

Is it so possible that you can find someone brand new to your social circle that you could trust more than you ever thought possible? I had met Bella with the intention that I would play it safe...Keep the barriers up until she had pleased me in some way.

However Bella did not need to get my acceptance there was something extremely genuine about her and it was striking if that's a good way to put it....Apart from Emmett I had never had an instant liking for someone than I did for Bella...It had taken me longer to accept Alice but that is because she is so forward and persuasive whereas Bella is the wallflower kind of like the way I used to be before things had happened and I liked it.

I put two slices of cucumber that Alice had cut up over Bella's eyes...She had flinched a little at the coldness but had relaxed again just as quickly...She seemed to be at home with myself and Alice taking care of her and I couldn't begin to imagine how long she had spent looking after others and neglecting herself...I had noticed that about Bella...She was selfless.

"So...Bella...Kind of throwing one out here but I think that Mike Newton has a thing for you" I stated as Alice giggled.

"Rosalie...Please" Bella pleaded behind her cucumber slices.

"What Bella? We want to see you settled down with someone" Alice chimed shooting a mischievous look at me.

"I know what you have planned cupid and it's not going to work" Bella replied.

"You can't blame a girl for trying...He seems like a nice guy" Alice added...Squeezing the contents of the face mask pack onto her hand.

"He's a good buddy" Bella agreed.

"So why don't you ask him out...Bite the bullet as they say" I asked her as Alice began to apply the mask on her right cheek.

"I am not attracted to him in that way...I don't see him in that way...Isn't that what people need to feel when they go out with someone?" Bella asked.

"I can see how he wouldn't be your cup of tea, Bella...We were just curious" Alice replied.

"You are probably too good for him anyway, Bella....Although I do have another question...Do you have a type?" I asked her...Alice had finished with Bella's right side of her face and now held the pack out to me..I took it and waited for Bella to answer before putting it on...She wouldn't be able to talk after the rest of her face was covered.

"A type?" she asked

"A type of guy that you go for or desire to have one day" Alice added and Bella sighed a little.

"No...I am looking for love not just attraction and settling for second best...Anyone who loves me as much as I love them would suit me extremely well" Bella replied "Like what you two have with Jasper and Emmett" she finished.

"It wasn't always like that, Bella....Jasper had a girlfriend when I met him" admitted Alice...I carried on applying the mask to the rest of Bella's face as Alice was talking.

"He did?" Bella asked

"Yes...I had to be his friend for a while when she used to treat him badly which I will admit was hard but he finally saw me...Saw into my soul one day and that was it" Alice replied and Bella smiled a little from underneath her now.

"Don't smile or laugh, Bella....You will crack the mask" Alice gasped as I suppressed a giggle. Bella put her thumb up towards Alice.

"Good girl" Alice said.

*~Bella~*

This wasn't too bad...

My face was very tight but it wasn't unbearable...I liked the sensations the mask gave to the inside of my skin...A tingling sort of feeling that made my toes curl slightly.

I could hear Alice and Rosalie moving around the room but I couldn't see anything because I still had the cucumber slices on my eyes...I will admit that I like the feeling this is giving me but I must look like a twat...I hope Alice and Rosalie don't take pictures to stick up on the main bathroom wall.

I sat in the chair for about another fifteen minutes...It felt like that amount of time anyway I couldn't quite be sure of the exact time...

"Okay Bella I am going to wipe this off now, Okay?" Alice voice rang through my left ear as I nodded...My nose itched really badly at this point and I welcomed the fact that the mask would now disappear from my face altogether. Alice wiped each section of my face off one by one with a flannel...She had a small bowl of water by her feet which was now a reddish colour with pink floating bits on the surface. Alice then removed the cucumber from my eyes as I attempted to open them fully...The light caused some strain but a few more opening and closing movements and I was soon back to normal.

"Are you feeling alright, Bella?" Rosalie asked me...I sat up fully in the chair and scratched the itchy part of my nose.

"Yes...My skin just feels a bit tight that's all" I admitted

"That's natural, Bella...Stretch your face out a little that usually helps" Alice said as she picked up the bowl from the floor. I did as she had requested and flinched a little at the odd sensations but soon enough my skin felt back to normal.

"Your skin is a little red too but don't be alarmed that is supposed to happen" Rosalie added...Alice walked out of the door to get rid of the contents of the bowl.

"Are you not putting face masks on, too?" I asked Rosalie...Who was now dipping her head in and out of a beauty magazine...The name I didn't recognise.

"Me and Alice have put ours on and taken them off already" Rosalie admitted with a small smile...I nodded back at her.

Alice walked back into the room now empty-handed and walked over to the TV...grabbing a few DVDs in her hands from the bottom shelf and holding them out to us.

"I have...America's Sweethearts, She's all that or ten things I hate about you" Alice said as she held them out in front of her in turn. I had never seen any of them so I looked over at Rosalie who was examining each DVD in turn before looking over to me, I shrugged.

"Which one do you prefer, Alice?" Rosalie asked..Alice looked at each one individually and thought for a few moments.

"I know what they are all about but I don't know which one I would like to see more" admitted Alice as I rubbed a hand through my hair...Trailing through the new mats from where I had been sitting down.

"I take it that you haven't seen any of these before Bella" Alice said

"No I haven't heard of them at all" I answered her.

"Let's just vote on which one we like the look of better and go with that" Rosalie stated...Alice and I looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"I vote ten things" Alice said instantly and then looked over at me.

"Um...I vote she's all that" I replied.

"I vote she's all that too" Rosalie said as Alice beamed a wide smile and put the two remaining DVDs on the bottom shelf in their original place but took the one that we picked out of its case and into the DVD player drawer...The screen came on instantly.

"I am off to make some popcorn...You girls make yourselves comfy" Alice said walking out of the door.

Rosalie climbed off the bed bringing a few pillows with her and settled herself down on the floor placing the pillows underneath her bottom and crossing her legs. I was still, however in the chair...I lifted myself from it and sat down on the floor next to Rosalie..She smiled and scooted over to make room for me...I wrapped my hands around my knees and looked up at the screen which was now showing the start credits.

*~Emmett~*

"Jasper you suck at this game" I almost-yelled at Jasper...He owned an X-Box but didn't have enough common sense to practice on it in his spare time..If he took the time out to practice then I wouldn't have to beat him by a landslide each time we played. Edward was sitting on an armchair...He had been quiet nearly all night and I knew better than to ask him what was wrong – I assumed that he would tell me what was bothering him eventually but I wasn't going to make the first move.

"Yes it looks like I win...AGAIN"! I said as Jasper put his control down and smiled in his defeat.

"Well it's no fun if I am the only one winning" I added as I slouched back onto the sofa taking a swig from my can of beer.

"You not drinking Edward, man"? I asked Edward as he looked up at me with an almost confused look on his face.

"No...not after what happened with Bella on Tuesday and besides someone has to drive home" Edward replied as I groaned at myself...I had completely forgotten about that night I was in no position now to persuade Edward to drink anymore.

"Guys you can crash here if you like?" Jasper offered.

"I would really like to get home...Emmett can stay if he wants I can always walk" Edward suggested and I nodded.

"Well okay, bro...I will probably end up drinking too much anyway but you might interrupt the girls night" I said to Edward...He rolled his eyes.

"I have seen Alice in a towel...I am sure it won't be any worse than that" Edward replied.

"Maybe they are naked and all they have are three pillows that they are hitting each other with" Jasper said...I chuckled trying to take away the erotic image of feathers dancing around Rosalie's naked body...I looked over at Jasper who was itching his ear – clearly the same image had come to both of our minds at that moment.

"I am almost certain that you two would find that sexy but two of those girls happen to be my sisters" Edward replied.

"Come on, man...You don't find it a little tempting to think about?" I teased him as Jasper bit his lip.

"No" Edward sharply replied "that's sick"

"I don't think it's sick" I said back to him.

"You wouldn't....Pervert" Jasper added as I stuck the middle finger up at him.

"It's perfectly natural for a man to fantasise about a woman" I explained

"Just like it is perfectly natural to own four hundred porn videos" Jasper teased in reply.

"Four hundred?" Edward asked shocked.

"You should study some little bro...It might help you fantasise a little" I said with an intentional cunning smirk...Edward screwed his face up.

"No thanks" Edward replied.

"How are you supposed to know what it's like?" Jasper asked him.

"I have a pretty good idea...Besides you two could probably write a book between you about it...I don't want to talk about this with you two" Edward said

"Wow maybe we should do that, Em"! Jasper exclaimed and I held back a laugh.

"The karma sutra..Hale and Cullen version?" I asked Jasper and he nodded.

"You guys are hopeless" Edward remarked.

"One day you will indulge in this stuff Edward and be obsessed with it too" I shot back at Edward who was repositioning himself in his chair.

"Well...I better get going" Edward said as he stood up..."I have school earlier than usual in the morning" he stated.

"Edward you can use my car, mate" I replied not wanting him to walk home by himself in the dark.

"I will drive you to school tomorrow, Emmett and take you back home" Jasper offered and I smiled at him.

"Thanks Jas" I said

"No problem" He replied.

Edward waved his thanks to me and his goodbye to Jasper before grabbing my car keys from the kitchen side and walking out into the night.

"Wow he is really messed up" I remarked as the sound of wheels on the driveway gravel decreased slowly as Edward drove away.

"He will be alright...Wanna play another game?" Jasper offered.

"Sure..Why not?" I said as I grabbed the remote off the coffee table and began to kick Jasper's arse once more.

*~Alice~*

"Jesus...Freddie Prinze Junior is sexy"! I gasped at the end scene of the film when Freddie's face was illuminated by the pool lights..._Good god...If I didn't spend nearly all of my time fantasizing about Jasper then this man would be the next on my list._

"Tell me about it...Although SHE is beautiful now...Can you imagine what their babies would look like if they were together in real life?" Rosalie said to me.

"Ugh...It's not even worth thinking about, Rose" I replied with a groan.

"Do you reckon he knows how good-looking he is?" Bella asked

"What do you mean?" I asked somewhat confused to her remark.

"You can have two kinds of men like Freddie Prinze Junior....He can know he is good looking and use that to his advantage or he can have a mixed view about himself but like what he does" she explained.

"I don't know...Maybe a bit of both" I said and Bella nodded.

"Let's be serious I doubt a person like Zak Tyler would go for Laney Boggs in real-life I mean it just seems like something that is only good enough in film" Rose said.

"It's not impossible though...It's like what we were saying about attraction...Zak wasn't attracted to Laney until he got to know her on the inside" Bella added.

"You really know your stuff don't you miss Bella"? Rose said as Bella nudged her lightly in the ribs.

"It's called being observant" she replied and myself and Rose chuckled a little under our breaths..._You have got to love Bella._

"Rose you can stay with me in here tonight I will pull my double mattress out from underneath my bed for you" I said to Rose as I got up crouching down to where the spare mattress was and began to pull it out.

"Thanks, Ali" Rose said as she got up and begun to pull along with me...With both of our strengths we were able to finally pull the mattress all the way out.

"I will go and get some bedding" Bella said getting up..._Always needing to do something was Bella...It was something that had always made me smile._

"Thanks Bella" Rose said as Bella left the room.

"So do you like her now, Rose?" I asked Rose as I unwrapped my robe from around myself and walked over to the hook behind my door and hung it on.

"I never disliked her, Alice...There is just something there" Rose replied as she did the same with her robe.

"I told you" I chimed back at her feeling good that she could see something in Bella as well....She had definitely changed everyone in this family and connected with us so far and I don't think she will ever stop having the effect.

"Here you go" Bella said walking back into my room and handing Rose the sheets in her arms.

"Thank you Bella" Rose said taking them and getting to work on the bed.

"Did you want me to give you a lift into school tomorrow, Bella?" I asked her.

"Yes, thank you Alice....Thanks for tonight you two I had a good time" Bella said

"You're welcome" Rose and I both replied to her in Unison.

"Good night" Bella said as she walked out of our room without another word...It didn't take Rosalie long to finish putting her bedding on.

Once I reached over and turned the bedside light off we were both out of it in seconds.

*~Bella~*

I brushed my teeth when I left Alice's room...Feeling my still slightly rosy cheeks...My skin felt good better than it ever had done and I made a choice to use those face packs more often. I put on some pyjama bottoms and a top not caring that I didn't match and climbed into bed...I looked over at the clock and it wasn't as late as I thought it was. I grabbed persuasion from the table and began to read it sighing in contentment...I had nearly finished it now but I was preparing myself for the tears that always came at the last chapters of the book...The realisation that they had made a mistake and that the two of them still loved each other despite everything and despite the persuasion they faced...If I had to wish for my own happy ending it would have to be in the style of Jane Austen.

I had turned the page carefully when there was a muffled knock at my door.

"Come in" I said quietly not wanting to wake anyone..._I thought Rose and Alice had gone to sleep._

I couldn't help but gasp a little in surprise when Edward walked in...He gave me a small smile as he closed my door.

"Edward..What are you doing here I thought you were having a guys night in?" I whispered to him closing the book in my hands completely.

"My mind wasn't into it" he replied

"Did you want to talk to me about something, Edward?" I asked him still awestruck as to how he had ended up in my bedroom.

"I would like to....It won't take a second" he replied looking slightly worried in his expression.

"Of course, Edward come and sit down" I sat patting the right side of the surface of the duvet on top of my crossed legs...He walked over and sat down turning his body so that he was fully facing me.

"There were some things that Jasper was saying to me tonight." Edward started.

"What kind of things?" I asked him

"We were talking about attraction and how people can fantasize about each other without the other one even knowing" he explained.

"That's funny...Rose and Alice were talking about the same thing earlier" I confessed.

"What did they say?" Edward asked

"I can't remember most of it now but it was all about Emmett and Jasper, really" I stated and Edward nodded.

"What do you think about it, Bella?" He asked me, his eyes searching into mine for a response...I felt my throat constricting around my mouth...I tried desperately to move the blush away from my cheeks.

"I don't know...I have never been attracted to anyone before, Edward...I don't...I don't know what it is" I replied.

"I am thinking of asking Jessica Stanley out" Edward confessed after a few moments

"Are you attracted to her, then?"

"I reckon I could be...Is it possible to fall in love with someone after you meet them, Bella?" Edward asked his expression pained. I put my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it slightly...I didn't want him to back away from me I just wanted him to feel better he wasn't himself right now and I could see that as clear as day.

"Of course it is...I have never been in love, Edward so I can't offer you advice there but I don't believe in love at first sight...I believe in a love where you get to know one another through your perfections and flaws" I answered...Edward exhaled grabbing my hand that was still on his shoulder.

"Edward...Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I whispered to him.

"No...Thank you little sis but this is something that I have to do by myself...You wouldn't be able to help me anyway" he stated and I tightened my grip on his shoulder.

"Try me" I said.

"Jessica's part of my family...She is a distant cousin" he said his head down.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked him

"You don't get attracted to members of your family its disgusting" he stated...I moved my finger to his chin and lifted his head up to lock my eyes with his.

"You can't help who you are attracted to, Edward...You will never know what others will say until you try...If you believe it can work then it can..It comes from you, Edward it all has to come from you" I replied as she smiled his neck widening under my fingertip.

"Bella...You're the best" he said as I took my finger away.

"I'm not Edward I am just here whenever you need me, isn't that what sisters are for?" I asked him.

"You're not just any sister though, Bella...You are one of a kind" he stated

"Thanks" I said not knowing in my mind whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek tentatively before climbing off my bed to stand.

"I will take you into school tomorrow" he said with determination.

"Alice has already offered" I replied.

"Please Bella?" He pleaded and I nodded.

"Good night, little sister" he said in a soft voice.

"Good night" I answered as I watched him walk out of the door.

I abandoned my book completely and buried myself underneath the duvet...I was happy that I was no longer the new girl in school maybe tomorrow would end up being much easier than last week was.

_Only time would tell...._

**A/N – ALL DONE!**

**I hope everyone had a great celebration last night...I wish you ALL happy new year and lots of love.**

**I will update at some point tomorrow for you because I am nice like that ****!**

**Thoughts? Opinions? ...... Criticisms?**

**You know what to do....!!!! **

**Thanks for reading**

**.S. x x**


	18. Insomnia and Emotions

**Hello....Hello.....Hello :D**

**Thank you to......**

***'Kallamigk', 'Laney Tate' and 'Wendililil' for their LOVELY reviews...LOVE AND HUGS XxXx***

***cullengirl08* - PLEASE bear with me my lovely...it WILL end up being E/B however sometimes in life you never realise what you have until you are with someone else or you have let that person go completley and I have had a lot of experiences of this – not personally but the majority of my friends have...I stick by it and I am so sorry if you don't like this at the moment but it's just the way my story is going...It WILL work out in the end because I am ME and I love me a happy ending but both Edward and Bella will have their own issues and choices that they must go through before they find each other....PLEAE don't hate me and I thank you for your support with this story heartedly.**

***'Rawwr' – Same applies for you little missy...! :D That line in the last chapter wasn't a typo it was a way of describing how Edward smiled underneath Bella's touch...She made him feel better as only she and Esme can when it comes to Edward so instead of putting 'he smiled' which I have put SOOO many times I have lost count :D I put it another way which may have frazzled others as well as yourself I can only apologise for that sweetie.**

***'ajayee' – THANK YOU for pointing that out to me...I will dial it down for you and I understand what you have said and have taken it on board so thank you SO much for that and also your support.**

**Okay guys...Just like to say that my New Years was planned out to be something great until my mum fell asleep two hours before midnight and didn't wake UNTIL 2010 but overall very eventful :D:D!!**

**Here is chapter 17 as promised....:)**

**This will be my SECOND to LAST update before I go back to college but I will carry on with this come Thursday so you won't be waiting TOO much longer than you have the past chapters but I will do it all for you ASAP that I can assure you....LOVE YOU ALL.... x x x x**

*~Bella~*

Tonight was the first night I hadn't been able to fall asleep at all....My mind was splitting up of two different things – one was my curiosity towards Jessica Stanley...Carlisle had only mentioned his immediate family and now that she was now introduced to me as a 'distant cousin' of mine and also the potential girlfriend of my older brother I felt inclined to make up my own vision about what she looked like...Was she nice? Does she have the potential to make Edward happy? Will I LIKE her? Was I bordering myself onto obsession...Believe me if Edward were to find someone who made him truly happy and make him realise that he is a good person and that there is love out there for everyone then it shouldn't be a problem...Should it?

The other part of my head had been circling around Mike Newton...There was an inkling that I had about him and how he looked at me slightly different to everyone else but I brushed it off...Looking back it seemed obvious that maybe he did like me the way Alice had been gearing towards last night I mean, is that a good thing? I didn't like him back in that way and if there was one thing I was certain of then it would be that but I didn't know whether to feel insulted or complimented if he did harbour certain feelings towards me.

Why would he go for someone like me anyway? I am totally and utterly...Ordinary, I eat, I sleep, I drink, I study and I talk if I didn't have the basic feelings of a human being then I could easily be a robot..._Why the hell was I now thinking about robots? Does lack of sleep do this to a person or should I blame puberty hormones? _I just wanted to scream at my overactive mind...Shut it up and lock away the key..._No way in hell is that happening, Bella._

I had made the living room sofa my little home for the night...Having a book and a drink that I could reach easily and also the opportunity to turn on the television if reading tired me out too quickly. I was on the last chapter of persuasion and I surprised myself at the fact that I could understand what I was reading...I always needed my sleep and there were times when my mother said that I had slept like the dead but I could not switch off my mind tonight and now I would have to deal with it like anyone else.

I sighed quietly and turned the page when I heard footsteps from the direction of the stairs...I carried on with my reading...Not wanting to look up at whoever it would be and look like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I waited until they would get to the last step before acknowledging that there was someone else there with me...._Good plan, Bella._

I waited endlessly in the soft light of one of the lamps next to me...Were the stairs really that long? Did I really know anything about what I was thinking or saying right now..._No way._

"Bella?" A voice greeted me quietly as I looked up and saw Edward standing at the bottom of the staircase...His hair ruffled and wearing his pyjamas (which consisted of a white t-shirt and a grey pair of trousers) I managed a small smile feeling really awkward that he had found me down here by myself in the middle...Well in all honesty I didn't know what the time was and I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Hi" I whispered back to him.

Edward walked towards me and plopped himself down next to me on the sofa...I released my book from the confines of my hands and used one arm to place on the sofa and prop my head up...There was an awkward silence...A dreary feeling coming from the already silent house I guessed then and there it wasn't dawn yet as no birds were making their usually singing debuts outside as of yet.

"You can't sleep, either" Edward said...It wasn't a question.

"No"

"What's on your mind?"

"I could say the same about you" I said my gaze turning to the side of his head.

"You could....It would be better if we were to discuss your mind though...Mine is a wreck" he replied a slightly pained look on his face.

"I doubt it....It's just stuff....Edward" I said to him in reply...I didn't want to begin to explain where my own mind was going...If I didn't know myself then there was not a chance in hell he would be able to understand me either.

"You should be happy...It's your birthday this week" I stated

Edward groaned slightly but remained silent...If only I could read minds...I am sure I would use it to my advantage in this situation but then again I may find things in Edward's mind that I wouldn't like because everyone isn't perfect.

"Bad subject?" I questioned as he still kept his focus away from me.

"No birthdays are good things...I just have nothing to show for my life right now" He replied.

"You're only sixteen, Edward"

"It doesn't matter how old you are...You can enjoy life and be stable in your own mind and you should be going into being a year older wanting to be a year older" Edward answered still looking solemn and upset.

"You have I don't know however many years left in your life, Edward" I said...Attempting to be of comfort although in my mind I felt like I was destined to fail "I don't know what to say to you, Edward...I wish I could help you but I can't" I added feeling hopeless.

Edward turned to look at me for the first time...His eyes were deep but there was a hint of loss in them...They didn't have the usual sparkle when he laughed or when he was happy and enjoying himself...What made him feel like this? Edward gazed into my eyes for a few moments before scooting over to me on the couch and wrapping his arm around my shoulder...I buried myself into him feeling the soft fabric of his top on my cheek.

"I am sorry, Bella" He said simply.

"Edward you don't need to be sorry...If there was anything I could do to make you feel better than believe me I would"

"You say all the time about how you are there for me...You do know that I am here for you, Bella...I may be in a screwed up place in my own mind right now but I will always have time for my sisters...Emmett never needs me he is big enough to take care of himself" as he spoke Edward played with my hair twiddling the strands lightly between his fingers...I snuggled in closer to his shirt breathing in his natural musky scent. I laughed a little as he finished...It was true Emmett didn't need him..Emmett didn't need anyone to fight his battles for him.

"It may sound weird Edward but you are probably one of the first people I would ever go to if I needed help...I don't want you to feel like I depend on you, though...I would have to go to Alice second because as much as I love her – she can't keep a secret" I replied as he chuckled...His chest rising and falling under my cheek as he did so.

"This is true....What are you thinking about little sis?" He asked.

"Lots of things...I don't know whether I am confused and searching for something or whether I am being paranoid that my mind is playing tricks on me because of my lack of sleep"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Mike Newton would it"? Edward asked me...I stiffened under his hold...._If Alice had said something I swear to God....!_

"I have seen the way he looks at you, Bella....Besides I know that twinkle in Alice's eyes when she has found a conquest and believe me she won't stop until she sees it through" Edward added feeling my tension...He moved his hand from my shoulder and rubbed my bicep in downward motions.

"I don't know what to do, Edward...I have seen the way Jessica looks at him when he is talking...I have a feeling that she wants to be with him and I don't want to take that away from her when I don't particularly like him myself" I explained wanting to escape to the confines of my room.

"Can you see yourself with him, Bella...Even a simple picture of the two of you in your mind"?

I thought for a moment...Mike had some nice qualities but I do not know how you are supposed to feel when you like someone more than a friend...Are there obvious signs and is it different for a girl than it is for a man? _Oh help me....please._

"How are you supposed to know when you like someone more than a friend?" I asked.

"Your heart starts to race...You think about them more than you think about anything else...When you are close to them you feel like electricity" he started.

"Electricity"?

"Yeah...Like a reaction...A tingle that soars through your whole body when you touch them" he finished.

"I definitely don't have that with Mike"

"I wouldn't be so sure...You may surprise yourself, Bella and he seems like an alright guy"

"Edward...You haven't said one word to him since I joined your family" I stated.

"It's a social thing"

"What?"

"There are certain people you don't come into contact with and Mike and I have never had reason to cross each other paths however if he were to start dating my little sister then things would change" he answered poking me in the arm and causing me to flinch.

"Would you mind, Edward...You would tell me if you didn't think he was the right guy for me wouldn't you?" I asked him.

"It doesn't matter what I think...I don't control you, Bella...You live your own life" he answered confidently.

"That's not answering my question"

"Okay...Yes I would tell you if he was wrong for you...But Bella, you have to understand you are so different to the other people around here and I wouldn't know who would be a good guy for you...I am guessing someone who understands you and treats you well" Edward explained.

"You think Mike could do that?"

"I don't know him, Bella...I can't make that decision because you know him better than I do"

"So what should I do?"

"Leave it for him to make the first move...If he likes you then he will ask you out..If he doesn't well then you have nothing to lose" Edward said and I nodded into his chest breathing out a small sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Edward"

"For what?"

"Being there....Just being there" I answered.

"I will always be here for you, little sis" Edward answered as he placed a kiss on my head.

"What time is it?" I asked Edward as I pulled myself away from his grasp and sat back up my side feeling slightly sore from staying in the same position for a while. Edward glanced at his watch on his wrist.

"Nearly three-thrity" he answered.

"I am going up to see if I can get to sleep now, I will have a good two and a half hours if I can sleep" I said as I grabbed my book that had fallen on the floor and got up from the sofa. "Are you going to try and sleep" I asked Edward as I noticed he was still sitting.

"I will soon" He answered.

"I am not leaving you down here by yourself, Edward"

"I will be fine"

I can't believe that this thought came into my mind...I couldn't help it I wanted to help him.

"Do you want to come and sleep with me, Edward?"

Edward shot his glance up to me...His eyes wide...I cringed away slapping my hand to my forehead as I heard what I had said...I felt the blush rising once again to my cheeks.

"I didn't mean...Not like that....I meant....You can come and try to get to sleep with me...Oh no wait that still sounds wrong" _Bella just walk away...Walk away now and he might forget._

"Sorry Bella, you caught me a little off guard there...Thanks for the offer but I will sit this one out...Excuse the pun" he replied with a little smile as I smiled back. I walked back up the stairs to my room..Placing the book in its usual place I climbed in and sunk underneath the duvet once more intentionally moving to sleep on one side in case Edward changed his mind.

I didn't know how long I had been asleep but I was aware of someone climbing into the bed with me...I didn't move but I knew it was Edward...I hoped that he was able to sleep and that was my last thought as I drifted away peacefully into sleep.

I awoke the next morning...instantly turning towards the other side of the bed...It was empty...I wasn't surprised if he had gone back to his own bed in the middle of the night I was known to talk in my sleep and make the OCCASSIONAL snore....Or had slept all the way through and got out early which made sense considering Alice was my usual morning companion when I was getting ready for my day. I gradually made my way out of the bed...My muscles aching a little and walked into the bathroom to freshen myself up.

Alice hadn't come in today which made getting ready a lot quicker for me...._That girl can talk..._I grabbed my usual bag for school and went downstairs the smell of food instantly hitting my nostrils as I got to the living room...My mouth began to water as I went to see who was in the kitchen.

"Esme?" I exclaimed as she turned to give me a wide smile...Without thinking I dropped my bag on the floor and landed in her arms wrapping my hands around her small shoulders.

"Good morning to you too Bella" she answered with a little giggle as I released my hold on her.

"Sorry...It's just great to see you up and about again" I explained...Esme smiled adoringly and kissed my cheek.

"It feels better to finally be able to do something" she answered "So what will it be for breakfast this morning, Bella...I have made pancakes, Omelettes or French toast" she added.

"Pancakes please?" I answered her with a grateful smile...Hoping that she would notice. I walked over to the table and sat myself down...My place had already been set.

"I couldn't decide whether you liked Apple or Orange juice...Hence the empty glass" Esme said as she peered through the fridge.

"I like both but could I have Apple please?"

"Of course sweetheart"

Esme filled my glass with the juice and put it back in the fridge...I brought the glass up to my lips and sipped a little enjoying the coldness on my tongue and inside my mouth...Esme had now grabbed a plate from the cupboard and began to dig the pancakes out of the pan and onto the plate...I waited patiently until she did hoping that she couldn't hear the rumblings of my stomach...I hadn't eaten since yesterday lunch time in Port Angeles but I would never admit that to Esme she is convinced I never eat enough as it is.

"Morning, mom" The sound of Emmett's roaring voice echoed through the kitchen as Esme turned with my plate of pancakes..Emmett walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before helping himself to the contents of the fridge. Esme put the plate in front of me and I thanked her.

"Morning Bella-boo"! Emmett said to me as he finally pulled himself away from the fridge...A jar of peanut butter and jelly in his hands.

"Morning, Emmett"

"Emmett what are you doing with those? I have made three types of breakfast here and I haven't been out of bed for a while...Put them away" Esme said in horror as she gawked at the contents in Emmett's hand. Emmett cursed and groaned both jars still in his hand.

"I say hi to you...I kiss you...Then I don't realise you are here! Sorry mom force of habit"

"That's alright sweetheart" Esme smiled as Emmett put the jars away and sat next to me at the table...The pancakes that Esme had made for me had gone down a treat with my suffering stomach..I picked up the last trace of food and drunk the rest of my juice.

"Wow, Bella...Shovel it in" Emmett teased with a smile...I shot him a dirty look with my mouth still full.

"Thank you, Esme" I said getting up and taking the plate and balancing the empty glass on top of it and walking over to the sink to wash them up.

"You put that down Miss Bella...You can't take my washing up away from me anymore" Esme said and I put my hand up and said sorry putting the plate in the sink. I made my way up the stairs not knowing where I was going...I hadn't seen Edward and I wondered whether he was up yet..I knocked lightly on his door before opening it...His room was empty and I didn't want to go and look in the bathroom just in case I put myself into a situation that could not have been avoided.

I wondered standing in his room where he would be...Then it hit me like a thunderbolt..._The fourth floor...He had said to me the first time he spoke to me that the fourth floor room was a place where only he ever went..If Edward was going to be anywhere but his own room then it would be up there._

I made my way up to the fourth floor...The size of the house still taking me by surprise as I manoeuvred slowly around the antique statues and large pieces of art that filled the third floor corridor....Before walking up the last flight of stairs...I strained my ear upwards...I remembered that Edward had his piano up there but I didn't hear any playing..._Was this really a good idea? Would I be invading his privacy like this?_

I risked it and climbed to the fourth floor gazing around the room as the door was open...I found Edward sitting at his piano with the lid down...crouching over the lid with his head in his hands..._Please don't be crying...Please don't led Edward be upset...I couldn't bear to see him upset._ He didn't move an inch as I walked in gradually pacing towards him.

I lifted my hand and placed it on one of his shoulders...He didn't flinch or make any movements...I didn't know what to do.

"Edward...Are you okay?" I asked him in a quiet voice. Edward still didn't move I pushed my hand harder against his shoulder causing his body to shift forwards on the stool...There was a muffled groan as Edward lifted his face up and swished his body around to face me.

"Bella?"

"Yes...It's me, Edward" I replied.

"Sorry...I must have fallen asleep...Is it time for school yet?" he asked...He looked so vulnerable and almost sweet when his eyes looked all sleepy...His hair was styled better than earlier this morning and he had changed out of his pyjamas so he must have successfully got up and had a shower but just fallen asleep up here.

"There is time...Esme is making breakfast downstairs"

"Oh...I don't feel like eating..Do you want to go into school now...I know it's early but-"Edward started running his hand through his hair.

"No that's fine, Edward" I answered him with a reassuring smile...If he didn't feel like eating then we would both have to minute-watch and to me there was nothing worse than waiting for time to go by. Edward nodded and stretched his whole body out in front of me...I put out a hand near his face and he took it getting up off the stool and standing upright.

Both of us walked hand-in hand to the ground floor, Edward released my hand as he went and said goodbye to Esme after a little disagreement on Esme's part about Edward's choice of not having breakfast ended after she gave him something for the road in a napkin..I waved goodbye to everyone as I took my bag that I had left under the kitchen table as both myself and Edward walked out of the door to Emmett's jeep.

"Why are you driving Emmett's jeep?" I asked Edward as he pushed the button on his key to open it.

"Emmett came back unexpectedly last night...He was supposed to stay around Jasper's for the night...Jasper had offered to give him a lift into school today so I assume that he has carpooled with Jasper...I have to give his car back to him for school...Alice will bring me my Volvo at the end of the day" he replied

"Sorry I asked" I replied my brain feeling a little overworked as Edward shot me a smirk and climbed into the car with me.

Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were waiting at the main front gates of school; All of them beaming and greeting enthusiastically at myself and Edward as we walked towards them.

"Bella...Alice told me that she will meet you by your locker at lunch..She needs to talk to you about something" Rosalie said to me as Edward and Jasper were already into an in-depth conversation.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked her...They were always together apart from last night I had never seen them apart.

"Gym...Training and all that" Rose replied frankly.

"Okay well have a good day, guys" I said to all of them as I made my way into school.

When I got to my locker I opened it to find a little white note attached to the three little slits of the door...I put my bag in my locker and took the piece of paper out with both of my hands and unfolded it.

_Bella_

_I will meet you here at lunch...This is a note in case Rosalie hadn't seen you...I did ask her to pass it on._

_See you soon_

_Alice xx_

I groaned at the thought of what Alice could possibly want to talk to me about although in the back of my mind I had a pretty good idea.

"Bella" I turned at the sound of my name to see Mike walking towards me his arm extended in a wave...._Think of the devil and he shall appear._

"Hey Mike" I greeted him...Folding Alice's note back up and putting it into my bag.

"How was the rest of your weekend...You know I really had fun at lunch yesterday I mean we should...We should definitely have to do it again sometime" Mike said...I was half-paying attention as I reached for the books I needed for my first two periods.

"Yeah sure" I answered him sweeping the three books from one hand to the other as I closed my locker fully.

"Here's a thought...I mean maybe we could go like...Together you know like on a-" Mike's voice was cut off by the bell for first period.

"Sorry, Mike...I will catch up with you later and you can tell me then" I said as I ran toward my class.

"Sure" Mike's voice was muffled in the distance as I carried on running not having the time to look back.

**(Lunch)**

Alice smiled at me as she leaned against my locker...I smiled tentatively back and stood in front of her.

"So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about, Alice?" I asked as I gestured for her to move with my hand..She obliged and stepped a little to the side.

"You know that it is Edward's birthday next week?"

"I have some recollection of that" I answered a little sarcastically.

"We are all planning a surprise party for him at our house...Jasper and Emmett have got the cover plan settled but we need you to help you decorate" Alice finished as I threw my books in the locker halting in my tracks.

"A surprise party? Are you sure that's a good idea, Alice?"

"He will love it, Bella...Don't be such a stick in the mud....I have invited other members of my family to join us including Jessica" she finished.

"Jessica...Really?"

"Yes...Maybe he can pluck up the courage to ask her out" Alice chimed...I got the other books I needed for the rest of the day out of my bag "So...Are you in?"

"Yeah of course Alice" I answered as she squealed and pulled me into a hug...I was at an awkward angle considering I had my books in one hand and the other arm around Alice...She let go of me and skipped down the corridor without another word.

"Bella"? I had just closed my locker when I heard Mike's voice from behind me...I turned.

"Hi Mike how was your first lessons?" I asked him putting both arms around my books now.

"Yeah good...Listen Bella I have been meaning to ask you this for a few days now and...So I guess I will just have to come out and say it...That's the best way I think" he stuttered as he rocked back and forth on the spot.

"Let's hear it" I said

"Would you-"

Before I had any recollection of what had happened...Emmett had grabbed me and pulled me up in the air...My gaze now on Mike who was getting further and further away from the corridor I mouthed an 'I'm Sorry' to him...I held onto my books for dear life as Emmett led me further down towards the cafeteria. I didn't shout at him...I didn't do anything it seemed pointless as he wouldn't have put me down even if I begged.

Walking into the cafeteria had earnt us a hell of a lot of stares from other students...I looked down at the floor in embarrassment the blood gradually rushing to the top of my head. Emmett released his hold on me and placed me in a chair.

"Emmett what the hell are you doing?" Rosalie yelled....I turned my head still feeling a little dizzy to see her worried face staring back at me.

"I am...Okay...Just a bit...Dizzy. Emmett I was....Talking....To Mike" I stuttered out.

"I am sure he can wait...Anyway...You know all about this party for Edward right?" He asked.

"Yes"

"You are all for it?"

"Yes I told Alice I was...Where are the others I said looking around at the other three empty seats at the table"

"Dunno...Listen do we really think it is a good idea that Alice invites Jessica"? Emmett addressed me and Rosalie.

"Why would she NOT invite her?" Rosalie answered.

"I don't see a problem with it Emmett" I answered...Not wanting to think about how I may be meeting the person I had been picturing in my mind for the majority of the night. Emmett said nothing else...

"What did Mike want, Bella? Before you were attacked" Rosalie asked nudging Emmett hard in the ribs.

"He wanted to ask...He said he had been thinking about asking me something...I don't know really I wasn't listening that well" I answered.

"Bella...Do you know what that means....He SO wants to ask you out....Oh gosh that's so – and of course you had to go and ruin it didn't you, Emmett!"

"Whoa what is this about Mike Newton asking my little sister out?" Emmett shot his head up..He had obviously just registered Rosalie's words in his mind he was now staring intently at me.

"Emmett...Please it's nothing...Alice and Rosalie have got the wrong end-"I started.

"Bella, we may not be the same age as you but we know puppy love when we see it" Rosalie stated....._Ugh please someone kill me...Now!_

"If he wants to ask out Bella, he will have to go through me" Emmett said shooting a determined look at Rosalie who merely rolled her eyes at his remark.

"Emmett stop being so protective...Bella is an adult and she can do whatever she wants" I wondered whether I was actually going to tell the truth of the story to Emmett from my side...We were talking about ME after all.

"Look..Emmett-" I started

"Stop resisting, Bella...It will be good for you" Rosalie said

"No it wouldn't...Mike's a freak"

"He's vulnerable right now, Emmett"

"I don't care; Rose...There is no chance in hell that this is going to happen"

"It is Bella's decision to make"

"She is my little sister..I have a duty-"

"Bollocks Emmett you said that about Alice and look where she is now"

"Bella is not the same"

"She is a woman"

"STOOOPPP"! I yelled the banter between both Rose and Emmett proving too much..My outburst had somehow echoed off the walls in the cafeteria as everyone had turned to face me the room in complete silence. I stood up and ran out of the room...A sharp shooting pain surrounding my stomach...I ran outside the nearest doors of the school and ran towards a section of bushes...I emptied my stomach out violently as I fell to the floor on my knees...gasping at the extent of emotion I was feeling.

A pair of hands wrapped around my hair as I finished...I wiped my mouth, not wanting to see who had seen me vomit on Fork's prized greenery. I leaned back on my knees, sighed and closed my eyes for a moment letting my mind calm down. I was shaking badly and it didn't help with the cold weather.

I opened my eyes again and there was Edward.

"Bella...Jesus, are you alright?" He asked wiping a strand of hair from my face.

"Yes...It was just too much...too much" I had no sense of what I should say....I felt so incredibly drained all of a sudden.

"Come on, Bella...I am taking you home there is no chance in hell you are going back to lessons" he stated.

"No Edward I can't" I choked out.

"I will explain to your teachers that you have left early...I have finished for the day and Emmett has already brought my Volvo back" without having a chance to answer he had stood up and wrapped his arms carefully around my waist and pulled me upwards...He then took one of my arms when I was fully upright and wrapped it around his waist...His arm doing the same with my waist.

Edward and I had gotten outside the main entrance...I saw Mike and Eric standing by someone's car as they both turned to look...Neither came up and said anything and I guessed that it was because I was with Edward. Edward helped me into his car and we drove away from the school in complete silence.

I was laid in bed by Edward when we got home...Carlisle and Esme were both out and the house was strangely peaceful...Edward sat over the covers as I lay underneath them still fully-clothed...He felt my forehead and checked my pulse.

"Have you been taking first-aid lessons?" I choked out and he chuckled lightly...He walked over to the bathroom and occupied himself in there for a few moments before coming back with a towel in his hand.

"Having a doctor for a father has its advantages...What the hell happened today, Bella"? He asked me as he sat back down on the bed...Putting the cold flannel to my forehead I leaned into the soothing coolness of the wet towel.

"I couldn't take it"

"Couldn't take what?" He asked stroking the flannel around my forehead gently.

"Everyone seems to think that Mike and I should be together" I choked out in reply.

"Ahh I can see how that would make you throw up"

"Shut up, Edward...I didn't mean it like that"

"I am sorry sis...Now no way are you leaving this bed...I will go back to school and explain to your teachers why you are not there...I will also get Jasper or Rosalie to call Esme and tell her so she can come back and look after you for me in my absence. Are you up for eating anything?"

I shook my head.

"Okay well...mom will be feeding you when she gets here so just giving you the heads up..Are you sure you are going to be okay on your own for a little while"? he asked me.

I nodded giving him a smile. "Thank you, Edward"

"This isn't the first time I have seen you throw up, remember? Just rest now, Bella" He said getting up...He leant down and kissed my forehead before walking out of the door with the towel in his hand.

I can't recall anything else that happened that night...I had fallen asleep peacefully I just dreaded in the very back of my subconscious about having to face Mike, Rose, Emmett and even Alice tomorrow............

_Help.....Someone help me._

**A/N - *RUNS AND HIDES* - PLEASE DON'T HATE ME...I know what I am doing....I love you all and I really need to go and hide now.**

**I will say I don't plan on this story being short.....It will ALL work out in the end....PINKY SWEAR.**

**X x x X **


	19. Lessons and Planning

_**Ciao Beebies :D**_

_**JigsawRose is BACK...I KNOW I said I would update before going back to the world of acting....!! I am sorry I kind of fell asleep on my laptop last night...Note to self: Need MORE sleep!!**_

_**Thank YOU to 'Raven jadewolfe', 'Cullengirl08', 'iambwrighter' and 'ajayee' for your thoughts on last chapter.....**_

_**This is where things to begin to change officially in 'AML' so as much as it won't be ALL about E/B this is now the beginning of the spinning wheel if that's the best way to put it :D.**_

_**A little note to 'Rawwwr' who is slowly turning into the MOST avid R+Rer :D...This chapter is dedicated to YOU because I know how much you need it and PLEASE don't be disappointed about how it turns out in the end...As I have said before I know what I am doing.**_

_**Also to 'wendilili' – Thank you for telling me your thoughts...I LOVE stories where ANY couple take it slow...I am still a romantic and as much as I desire to meet someone and instantly fall in love with them and vice-versa I know that kind of thing only exists in books.**_

_**Songs: *Jimmy Eat World – Awake***_

_***Moldy Peaches – Anyone else but you***_

_*** Trembling blue stars – All eternal things***_

_**Here it is.....**_

_**LOTS OF LOVE....!!**_

*~Carlisle~*

I hadn't slept a wink last night with worrying about Bella...Esme had rung me at work yesterday afternoon to inform me that Bella had been sick at school...Edward had explained to the receptionist about her condition...One thing I was certain about my son was that he was a very good persuader and usually people (especially women) would fall at his feet in his favour...Women of ANY age and I often found myself wondering where he got it from as I am not his father he must have got it from his own parents' genetics...Extraordinary things they were and came in extremely handy.

I kissed Esme softly on the lips giving her a good morning...She whimpered and leaned in at my touch but did not attempt to open her eyes...I climbed out of bed and put on my dressing gown and went to see how Bella was today...She had been sick twice yesterday after Edward had informed me of the one at school Esme had told me about the second time...Now Bella had emptied all the contents of her system and so we were inclined to leave just a bottle of water beside her bed in case her sickness was an occurrence...It looked like a bug of some sort and I prayed internally that it was just something that lasted twenty four hours.

I was very careful as I descended down the stairs to Bella's room not to wake any of my other children...I got to the second floor and put my ear up against Edward's door....His snores usually woke the dead but I could hear nothing today...I thought nothing of it as Edward sometimes suffered from lack of sleep when there was a lot on his mind and so if he wasn't in his room then he would be downstairs doing something to pass the time.

I paced over to Bella's door and opened it quietly the slight creak of the door entering the confines of the walls...

I froze immediately when I looked towards Bella's bed and found out who was in Bella's room with her......

*~Edward~*

There was no doubt about it....Bella had officially scared the shit out of me yesterday...Vomiting that much and not even shedding a tear about what was on her mind....I felt powerless...How would I have been able to help her get better...I wasn't my father and I did not have the medical training. After I left Bella yesterday afternoon I went back to school; Standing at the front gate were Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper...They all acknowledged my entrance into the car lot in their own ways before I climbed out and headed towards reception...I has two tasks to complete...Only two tasks and then I would be able to go back and be with Bella...She needed all the care in the world right now as she had took care of all of us and now we were all finally able to return the favour.

I was stopped in my tracks before I got to the reception by Emmet and Rosalie who asked me to send their apologies to Bella for today and the fact that she wasn't well....They also handed me a pile of three textbooks and added that Bella had left them in the cafeteria when she had run out unexpectedly. I had taken them and then gone to reception.

Ms Davies in all honesty was a nice woman and I am sure that there were people in her own life personally that do care about her but once I had finished explaining to her about Bella she literally accused me of lying for 'Isabella' as she truanted from school...Not forgetting her adding in about how her kids used to skive off from school...._Is that MY problem, love?!_

I was so tempted to tell her to fuck off because I had to go an take care of my sick sister – luckily the headmaster Mr Stevens came out just in time and agreed that I had done the right thing in letting the school know about Bella's absence...Maybe I should have slipped in the fact that he should let Davies go as she has clearly lost it but today, Bella was more important than if a teacher got fired from her post or not.

I had rushed home and back to Bella, my mom was already there in Bella's room clutching tightly at one of Bella's hands which hadn't surprised me in the least...Bella was drifting in and out of vision...Sometimes falling asleep and sometimes staying awake...She hadn't looked as sick when I had come back home – more drained than anything else.

"Edward has she said anything about today?" Esme asked me as I placed the textbooks I had received from Emmett and Rosalie somewhere on the floor of Bella's bedroom...I went and sat over next to Esme as she looked into Bella's sleeping face.

"No...She just kept saying that it was all too much....That something was too much for her" I answered my mom, placing my hand on her shoulder. There was a part of me that wanted to know exactly what or WHO had made Bella so ill more than anything but I would wait for her to tell me...We had a better bond now...A stronger one and I hoped way deep inside my soul that she would come to me when she wanted to talk.

My mom and I carried on the confused conversation for a long while none of us wanting to move and leave Bella...The only exception we made to move was when one of us needed the bathroom which is not something I am going to disclose anything else about....The only choice I had then was to wait for Emmett...He and Rosalie had last seen Bella before me, had they noticed something strange about her?

Emmett never came home in the end and Alice knew no more about it than myself or my mom; I was in hell....I wanted to do so many things to make Bella feel better...I wanted her to know that I was there and that I was going to leave her...Does she know that I would go to the ends of the earth and back again for her if I could?

I stayed with Bella all night....Ignoring the fact that I had wanted to ask my dad about the possibility of having my cell phone back...I was still determined to ask Jessica out and as soon as I got my phone back I would ring her up and chat about things....All of that seemed like a long-gone memory as Bella lay in her bed breathing heavily... Also making the Occasional mumbles of speech in her sleep but nothing concrete to fully understand in English...I lay on top of her duvet next to her with the left side of my body in contact with her right side underneath the duvet....I lay my arm on her pillow near to her head but kept a little gap in case she burned up again....I hadn't slept at all..All I had done was stare at the ceiling or stare at Bella.

This morning was a change though, I wasn't suffering from the usual need and urgency to have a caffeine fix which I do when I haven't slept a wink; I was content staying here with Bella...Even if she wasn't moving or talking to me...It didn't matter I felt a little more relieved than I had been in the past twenty four hours.

However this morning I would have to do a bit of fast-talking...........Definitely fast-talking.

My dad had come into Bella's room and was now staring directly at my face his eyes fixated on mine but his expression unreadable.

*~Carlisle~*

"Edward?" I asked as I saw my son laying beside Bella...He looked guilty and instantly his mouth began to quiver as he indicated that he was going to say something...But current emotion deemed speech to be too difficult for him...I had been so angry at Edward for what he had done to Bella on THAT night that I wasn't sure whether I could ever be able to get over what he had done but something right then and there and now in the present time forced me to reconsider. Edward had his arm around Bella allowing her to be in a kind of cocoon; I had known that Bella and Edward had something special as siblings but I never knew that they cared for one another so much and only after a short time...It had always been hard for Edward to completely open up to another person – Esme had been the only person successful enough to make him bear all and so I had intentionally left all of the emotional stuff to her however now I was inclined to believe that Bella had been the next person to succeed....I wanted to tell Edward that it was okay he was in here taking care of her and I could completely understand why he looked so guilty because I had been known to jump the gun to the wrong conclusion sometimes and I do not have a problem with admitting to that. I couldn't speak it was such a nice picture of the two of them together and Bella looked peaceful and admittedly a little colour flushed to her cheeks this morning and not the pasted, sickly looking young girl she had been last night as I said goodbye to her.

I also made a decision that I wouldn't badger Bella about what was on her mind...I had been working with psychiatry long enough to see the signs of a crowded mind...Bella was no exception to the usual symptoms (some can lead into early diagnosis of depression).

"Dad...Listen it's not what it-"Edward started moving his arm away from Bella's shoulder...I could have sworn I heard a little whimper from Bella at the loss of contact but it the sound hadn't been loud enough to determine whether it had been her. I put my hand up to Edward.

"Son...It's okay, I came to check on her....Have you been here all night?" I asked my son who was now fully facing me with his legs on the floor one if his hands rubbing his face...It didn't take much to realise that Edward probably hadn't got any more sleep than I had done.

"Yes, she wasn't ill after the second time...She slept peacefully as well" he stated, his voice a little strained.

"Edward...Would you come with me a minute, please?" I asked him...I knew what I wanted to do now and I thought that now was the right time. Edward looked at me a little confused as he stood up and accompanied me downstairs to my office.

Once getting to my office desk I reached into one of my drawers and pulled out Edward's cell phone...To be honest I felt fortunate to be rid of it as it had been ringing non-stop during the day and when I had checked on it in the mornings there had been the same amount of calls made to the phone in the middle of the night...All of the calls had been from the same number...As much as I couldn't look at Edward for a period because I was cautious of how I would react I still wanted to keep his trust in me and so to keep his trust in me I didn't take a look at the person whom the number belonged to – Edward wouldn't have forgiven me for doing that and even when you are angry with someone I still love my son more than words and I didn't want to jeopardise my relationship with him as a father...The loss would have been too great for just a lapse of giving into temptation.

Edward stood in front of my desk with his hands in his pockets – The dark rings habituating under his eyes were more prominent with the light down here; He needed to have sleep.

I clasped the phone in my hand but kept my hand in the drawer.

"Edward before I do what I came down here for...I want you to go into school for JUST your lessons today...No after school clubs you need to get your body-clock straightened back up" I stated...Holding up one hand as Edward opened his mouth to protest he finally sighed and nodded in understanding lowering his head for a few moments.

"You have proven to me that you deserve to be fully forgiven again now, Edward...You understand why I reacted and you also realised that you had done wrong and it took a lot for you to admit that you WERE wrong...So I think it is only best if you have this back now" I finished and pulled the phone put from the drawer and held it out to Edward...He smiled a little and took it instantly clicking around with the buttons.

"I also have to say that I am sorry right now...I have to work late tomorrow night and so I won't be able to be here to celebrate your birthday with you, I will have to do something with you at the weekend is that okay?" I asked him...Alice had taken me to one side to go over the final plans for Edward's surprise party she had asked me at least three months ago for permission to have it held here and I had obliged knowing that Alice would persuade me to the grave until I said yes if I said no to it originally...Alice had Esme's spirit for life but I never knew where she had gained her persuasion from.

"That's okay, dad...I wasn't planning on doing anything anyway" Edward replied.

"Well you go and get ready for school...Mom will be up any minute to make your breakfast...I will see you later on tonight" I finished with a small smile as Edward returned the smile back to me and walked out of my office without another word.

Before I could blink Alice had come running towards me.

"Alice...Is everything alright?" I asked instantly concerned as to her hurry to get to me.

"Yes....So did he buy it?" She choked out as she reached me...Her chest raising and lowering with her increase in heart rate.

"God, Alice...Don't do that – You almost scared the hell out of me. Yes I spun him my LIE" I answered giving her a stern look.

"Dad I know you have said that lying is wrong....But is lying really wrong when you have someone else in your mind...We are doing this for Edward after all"

"Alice I have to give this back to you now" I said to her as I pulled her cell phone out of my drawer which I hadn't closed since I had given back Edward's. I held it out to her.

"Oh, dad really?" My daughter exclaimed...A slight look of apprehension clouding her face.

"Yes you have all proven me wrong by making it up to Bella....Besides I should have really given it back to you sooner....How did you ring up the family to organise the party?"

"Let's just say I have a lot of making up to do to Jasper" Alice replied with a light giggle as she took the phone from me and put it in her pocket...I smiled back at her in response.

"I called up the school and said that you and Bella will be off today...Emmett is going to go in as to not make it look too obvious but he will be back here later on" I said, Alice nodded.

"Once we have decided where to put all the decorations today and make final confirmations we will be able to do it all tomorrow...Luckily I have no classes tomorrow so I do not mind staying here and doing that with Esme"

"Bella will be here to help you today..Well at least she will do as much as she can...She has already said she would do that and if she is recovered then she will be going back to school as usual tomorrow" I finished.

"That's the plan daddio...Oh and Edward will be here tomorrow but ONLY in the morning...Jasper and Emmett have it all worked out between them what they will tell him in school and for the time before the party" Alice sang as she beamed a wide smile and then turned to skip out of my office... Unknown to both her and Edward I had already given Emmett back his phone as he said he would not be in the house this morning.

I then made my own way back upstairs...Before I got into the shower and made myself more...Presentable I opened the door to Bella's room...She was now sitting up and turning what looked like the past page of her book...She looked up at me when she had heard the door closed and smiled lightly...She looked a whole lot better than she had done last night and I was instantly relieved more than words could express.

"Hi Bella" I greeted her softly

"Hi Carlisle" She answered putting the book on her lap so the pages were facing down...I walked over to her and kissed her forehead my lips lingering on her skin longer than usual...She had scared me and the relief that she was now awake and looking a lot better proved to be too much for a few seconds...Bella sensed the lingering and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled both of our foreheads together and remaining touching...I wrapped my arms around her back and brought my head back down to hug her closely...She responded with the same enthusiasm.

"I am sorry, Bella...You scared me sweetheart." I confessed

"I am okay now, Carlisle...I promise I am" she replied trying to comfort me in her own unique and individual way..As only Bella can. We released our holds and I pulled away caressing her cheek with my hand as she smiled underneath my touch.

"Is there anything you need, Bella?" I asked and she shook her head. "You will not be going in to school today...I seem to remember you agreeing to helping plan the decorations layout today" I said as she sighed in a happy way.

"Of course I did"

"If you are still not feeling one hundred percent then do as much as you can...Both Esme and Alice aren't expecting you to do magic today and they will understand if you need the break in actual fact I am sure they would welcome it" I said as Bella chuckled a little under her breath.

"I won't need to, Carlisle but I will bear it in mind if I need to, thank you" she replied politely..._My god did I love my children too much at this moment? Almost TOO much._

I kissed Bella again on the head and left the room walking back up to mind and Esme's room; I found Esme making the bed she was fully clothed...I took the opportunity to examine her in every way possible...I had always considered myself a lucky man to have a beautiful and loving wife like Esme and having three amazing children...Now we were blessed to have Bella to make a fourth and I couldn't be happier right now...Esme had allowed me to adopt Bella as she had the other three...I wouldn't be where I am or be who I was now without her...She jumped a little when she saw me smiling at her.

"Carlisle...Baby, are you okay?" Esme asked me analysing my face....I had no words at that moment...I didn't want to talk...I closed the distance between myself and Esme and pressed my lips to hers almost too forcefully but I couldn't care...I needed to show her what I was thinking....With as much passion as I could muster. I attacked her mouth feverishly but not in a violent way...I felt Esme smile before opening her mouth fully to take in my tongue and bring out her own...She clutched to the two sides of my dressing gown near to my chest and I wrapped my arms around her waist as our tongues danced in and out of both our mouths. Once both of us were gasping for oxygen I lifted my mouth off of hers and kissed all areas of her forehead as she sighed contently under my touch...I then moved to her neck and began my journey there...I left no part of her untouched as she wrapped her hands around my head and kissed it numerous times responding to me...I wrapped my arms around her again only this time it was around the back of her chest...Her beautiful chest pressed to mine...I sighed into her neck.

"What was that for?" Esme breathed out her voice a little lower pitched than usual and I knew that she was somewhat aroused by what I had done to her and hearing her make sounds and have her voice affected by what I had done to her never failed to bring a smile to my face. I kissed the hollow at the base of her neck once and brought my head up to connect my eyes with hers my hands moving from her back to each side of her face.

"Do I need a reason to kiss my wife?" I asked her as she smiled our eyes still connected with each other...Speaking their own language to one another.

"No...You just caught me off-guard...I would love to stay with you Carlisle my love but I have breakfast to make and you have to get ready for work" Esme stated and I groaned.

"Reality is hell sometimes"

"It is....I love you so much, Carlisle" Esme said as her confession caught me off guard a little slightly...I sighed and caressed her cheek with one of my hands.

"Darling Esme...There are no words to comprehend my feelings for you...You are my world and I love you and I always will" I replied as she kissed me lightly on the lips before pulling herself out of my grasp and walking out of the room.

I then made my way to the bathroom to FINALLY get ready for work.

*~Edward~*

In all honesty I had completely forgotten I had even OWNED a cell-phone as Bella took up too much of my mind right now...I had showered after speaking to my dad in his office and bunged on any old clean clothes I had...I had been ready to protest after my father had made me agree that I would come home today only after my lessons had finished and usually I would practice for the Christmas show but I couldn't find the strength to argue with my dad...I will have to practice from home on my own piano when I was feeling more awake to do so.

I walked back to Bella's room after I had gotten myself ready to literally go out of the door when I needed to...It had been a good idea to always leave my belongings in my locker as I didn't need to worry about forgetting it at home in the mornings....I opened the door to find Bella on her bed and writing in her diary she looked so in-depth with her mind that I didn't want to disturb her but I was so relieved that she was up and that she had some colour on her face once more than any reservations I may have had about disturbing her were gone from my mind as quickly as they entered it.

"Bella?" I called out to her and she looked up instantly biting her lip and putting her diary down next to her...she motioned for me to come towards her with her hand and I did so...Standing over her as she sat on the bed felt a little daunting even to me but I didn't move and I didn't want to say anything until she had said something first.

Before I even had time to register what I was about to do...Bella had pushed herself up from the bed to a kneeling position and had turned towards me...Her arm wrapping around my waist tightly as she lay her forehead on my stomach...I knelt down never breaking our contact and put both my hands on the side of her forehead and brought it to meet mine.

"Thank you Edward" Bella breathed...A tear escaping from her eye...I wiped it away with my index finger.

"What do you have to thank me for?" I asked her...She exhaled and rolled her eyes.

"You took care of me, Edward and you stayed with me all night...Why did you do it?" Bella asked...It was now my turn to put my finger under her chin like she had done with me a couple of nights ago she looked up into my eyes.

"Bella you scared the absolute shit out of me...I am going to be honest...I have never seen you upset and it took me by surprise...I don't want to see you sad, Bella...I never want you to be in pain just like the way you have said you don't want to see me in pain...You don't need to thank me, I would have done exactly what Emmett or Alice would have done in the same situation because we are family and we take care of one another" I answered her.

Bella smiled and pulled her forehead away from mine.

"Are you going to school?" Bella asked me.

"Yes...I am only going in for my lessons as you can probably tell I didn't get any sleep last night"

"I am sorry"

"Don't be sorry for being sick, Bella....I have to know one thing though"

"What's that?"

"You will tell me what made you so upset...EVENTUALLY won't you?" I asked.

"Eventually maybe I will Edward as for right now...It is not important anymore" she replied and I nodded understanding that she wouldn't want to talk about it here right now because of the risk of bringing everything back.

"Are you off today, then?" I asked her as I noticed she was still in her pyjamas.

"Yes...Although it was more of Carlisle's idea..." she answered....It also didn't surprise me that dad hadn't allowed her back out until she was fully recovered and I agreed in my own mind that his choice was the best thing for her.

"I will see you later on tonight, Bella" I said getting up.

"Have a good day, Edward" She replied with a smile...I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead "Try not to do that to me again, Bella" I whispered into her skin.

"I will try not to" Bella whispered in reply...I disconnected our heads and walked out of the room and closing it behind me.

I ate the breakfast that Esme had made for me which had gone down better than if I had chosen not to eat like I had done yesterday..I kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug goodbye and then made my way to school.

_Not long to go now, Edward....Until you can leave school again and go home to get some rest._

_Time could not go quickly enough today...I hoped to god that it wouldn't drag._

*~Alice~*

I had spent the last half an hour rummaging through different boxes in our garage...Gathering all of the decorations together – I had halted my movements when I heard Edward on the driveway – I knew it was him as my dad had already gone, Emmett wasn't here and my car was in the garage so Edward's was the only one that was left to leave. He hadn't heard me.

Once I gathered all the boxes I needed...I put them altogether on one side of the garage as I cleaned up the other side I had spread out widely in my searches. I grabbed each box one by one and put them into our living room where mom was sitting on one of the sofas waiting for me...As I collected the rest of the boxes she opened each of them and examined the contents inside of them..We both sat down after examining and I pulled out my little notebook and pen from the back pocket of my jeans.

I sketched roughly the plan of what I thought would look appropriate for the house...Adding little details and writing down individual ideas of my own...It didn't take me long to put everything down and I handed it to mom once I finished...She gestured for me to give her the pencil as she changed to a clean page and jotted down any changes that she would personally make...Luckily there weren't that many that I could see from where I was sitting...She handed it back to me and I nodded to agree to all of her changes...In that small amount of time mom and I had already come up with the plan and now we needed to make sure we had everything.

My mom and I had ALWAYS been good at this kind of stuff and I knew now who I got it from...

"Hello Esme..Alice" both mom and I looked up from our own boxes to see Bella standing across the room "Do you need any help?"

I jumped up and walked over to her, I took out the notebook and pen I had put back in my pocket and handed it to her, she took it.

"If you know any good party games then we need you to write them down..It doesn't matter if they are from England or here" I said as she bit her lip awkwardly but smiled in understanding...Bella sat down on the sofa and got to work on the list as mom and I finished checking everything.

"I have everything here that we should, darling...Do you?" mom asked.

"Yes....Brilliant"! I exclaimed "No we just need to confirm the D.J, caterer and drinks delivery" I stated as mom stood up dusting the small amount of dust from her black pencil skirt.

"I will sort all that out...You and Bella can discuss together anything else that you would like to add" mom said...I nodded as she walked out of the room towards my dad's office...I looked over at Bella who was chewing the end of her pencil in thought. I sat down next to her and looked over at what she had written:

Spin the bottle

Seven minutes to heaven

Truth and Dare

Twister

"Sorry that is all I could think of" Bella said...I turned my head to see her staring back at me apologetically.

"That's great; Bella...The only thing we are missing is 'Rated X'." I replied

"What's that?"

"It's a game that is usually played on birthdays where each member of the party that is the opposite sex to the person who's birthday it is put their names and a number between one and ten of their own choice on the back. The person who's birthday it is pulls out a name so for example if Edward pulled out my name and I had picked the number seven to put on the back then I would have to go and kiss him with what I would consider to be rated a seven out of ten. The winner is found by the biggest amount of applause...The people find out what the number was at the back of the paper by the birthday boy and they only applaud if they agree that the kiss you gave WAS what they would rate the same as you or they keep quiet if they disagree" I explained.

"Wait...So you would have to kiss someone...In public...In front of people and they will applaud you if you are doing it right?" Bella choked out...She looked shocked and uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Bella are you alright?" I asked...I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as she continued to stare off into space with both an astonished and a confused expression on her face. "Bella?" I asked her again as she snapped out of her haze and looked at me.

"I am sorry, Alice....I just....I have never kissed anyone before" she confessed.

"Oh my god. Never?" I asked her...I was shocked Bella was so caring and such a genuine person and she also scored very high on the looks department as well – How is it possible that no one had found her attractive enough to kiss her? What was this world coming to?

"That's alright Bella...I will teach you although to be honest there isn't much to be TAUGHT...It's more of an instinct thing" I offered.

"I don't know Alice...-"she began

"Bella if you don't learn now you will never be ready to do it with someone when you end up being in a relationship?"

Bella shrugged still looking vulnerable....She looked so sweet in that moment that if I had been a guy then I would instantly kiss her....That's the truth.

"Anyway...I won't practice with you I know for certain that we both swing for the same side that isn't the gay side" I giggled a little trying to ease the tension away from Bella "I will find someone who will be able to explain all of the types of kissing to you"

"No Alice Plea-"

"Trust me, Bella....Anyway you don't have to actually kiss them they can just explain to you what they are and you just remember them when you actually do want to kiss them"

Bella sighed..."Okay" she said and I pulled her closer to my chest for a little hug.

"Is there anything you would like to have at the party, Bella....It is Edward's surprise party but we all have to have a little something of our own to include"? I asked her.

"No...I think all I want to be responsible for is showing up" she replied and I kissed her head lightly.

"Then that is what you will get" I answered as she nodded on my stomach.

"Okay girls...Everything is set...All the deliveries will come at various times tomorrow during the day but not late because we need to get all the decorations up...I have also rung the family and a few have cancelled because of illness but Aro, Kate, Tanya and Caius are confirmed along with Sam, Leah and Elthezar...The party is sorted" _That reminds me...I needed to ring Jessica Stanley at some point to make sure that she was also attending. _Mom had explained as she walked back into the room. I squealed loudly in excitement and Bella had lifted her head up to smile contently at both my mom and myself.

The day then carried on smoothly...We had all had lunch together before Bella had gone back up to her room to have a little sleep...Mom was doing various different things around the house to pass the time...She did miss my dad when he was at work and it was always evident in her body language that she missed him when he wasn't around...I felt the same pang of pain when Jasper was away from me...It was hard to find various things to do that would help me forget about the pain because he was such a big part of me...I had managed today as I scrolled through the television channels...I had done my washing last night and my room was already tidy so all of my essential chores were done – I had before I sat down on the sofa offered to help my mom clean the house but she wasn't having any of it....Mom was particular in her cleaning regimes and in all honestly no one could amount to the same standard of cleaning that she possessed....She was always thankful for the offer of help though so I made that my everyday thing to ask her.

I couldn't wait until tomorrow night......

It was all going to be perfect.....

I could sense it.....

And it had been said that my instincts were always spot on....

*~Bella~*

I awoke from a two-hour nap...I had felt really awful that I hadn't inputted much of my help into the party organising as I said to Carlisle that I would...However he had been right about Esme and Alice those two really were forces of nature and there was no way I could have said any lame ideas to their combined masterpiece. I was glad of the time to sleep and I now felt completely refreshed...I hadn't thought much about Mike out of principal...I didn't want to and the best thing I could do right now is make sure I am in a good mood for Edward's party tomorrow because it was going to be HIS day and I would have no right to take his day away from him and make it worse.

I climbed out of my bed instantly missing the warmth but I needed to clean my teeth because there was nothing worse than falling asleep and having the taste of morning breath in your mouth...Whether it was actually MORNING or not. I spent my time with the brush in my mouth not leaving any area behind with my scrubbing. I had turned off the water and wiped my mouth on the hand towel next to the sink before walking back out to find Edward standing at my door.

"Hi Edward...Did you have a good day"?

"Yes thank you, Bella....I am here...Against my will I might add because Alice said I needed to teach you something" _oh god....No.....Please, No.....Anything but this....Anyone but Edward._

"Oh" I managed feeling the blush against my cheeks.

"She wouldn't tell me what...She said I should ask you" _Did she now?...Did she really? My stern words with that girl were long overdue...I would have to kill her all over again in my mind...I never did anything to her in real life, love her too much don't you Bella? That was beginning to change._

"Bella?" Edward asked...._Oh my god what am I going to say...Yeah I have never kissed anyone because no one has ever liked me in that way and now I find myself inexperienced and if my name ends up being pulled out by you at your secret party tomorrow then I will embarrass myself miserably...Yes that's a good plan, Bella...Ruin everything in one go._

"Edward...I can't tell you...its embarrassing" I choked out.

"It can't be that embarrassing if I have to teach you it" he replied...._Suck it up, Bella...He is your brother he will help you...Won't he? _"Bella will you please tell me, I am dying over here" he teased and I placed both my hands on my face and rubbed hard before releasing them back down and against my sides.

"Okay...Alice was teaching me about what games are suitable at parties and she mentioned one named 'Rated X'-" I began to explain feeling the lump forming in my throat.

"Good one that one" He replied with a smirk....I glanced away from him to the floor.

"I kind of said that I had never kissed anyone before and Alice said that she would find someone to explain it to me" I finished choking it all out as well as swallowing deeply to remove the dryness in my throat.

"Ah I can see now why she would have chosen me...Listen, Bella you shouldn't be embarrassed about...Well firstly about how you haven't been kissed, it's very surprising and I am not going to lie about that and secondly about how I may be the one to teach you...I will help you, Bella it's the least I can do for the times you have been there for me...Don't worry I am not going to fall in love with you afterwards" he explained and I couldn't help but smile...There was no chance in hell that I would end up with Edward...It would be wrong on too many levels and well it was _EDWARD._

"Edward...You're my brother" I stated.

"How else do you think people learn, Bella? There is always the back of the hand technique but that never works...Kissing is mostly about instinct you need to live in the moment and do it your own way..As long as you have the basics you should be fine. Besides you don't have to ACTUALLY kiss me, Bella...I can just explain them to you and then you can decide what to do when the moment happens" Edward explained...I instantly felt a little better as I nodded.

"Well you better sit down then" I said as he smiled and sat on my bed...I sat on the carpet opposite him and hugged my knees to my chest.

"Okay first off there is the 'small kiss'...The 'peck' as it is most formally known...A peck is something that I placed on your forehead this morning before I went to school...It is a simple touching of the lips for a mere few seconds however this morning it was your forehead...It is considered more of a sweet gesture more than anything else." I nodded in indication that I understood. "Then there is the 'tender kiss' the only exception it has to the peck is that you can choose to open your mouth...No tongue however, this kiss lasts longer than the peck....However the most enjoyable one is the 'Passionate kiss' where you start off with the technique of the peck and then the tender and then add tongues into the equation...Each person caresses their tongue with the other person's...Trust me it feels a whole lot better than it sounds" Edward finished. _It was clear that he had a bit of experience in this area as he sounded so confident about it...Why did I find myself suddenly interested in kissing all of a sudden? Was it just because Edward had explained it so well? _I felt butterflies in my stomach as I thought about the idea of kissing someone in all those ways...It did look a lot better in my head than it probably would be in real life.

Edward stood up and made his way to the door before I did something I never thought I would..

"Edward, Wait" I called to him before I had realised what I had just done...._Bella you don't want to do this...You know it all now and you can wait to use it at a later date...Don't embarrass yourself....Stop, Bella._

"Yes, Bella"? He asked me turning around.

_Don't say it Bella....Haven't you been embarrassed enough...Don't you dare do this....Don't..._"Would it be okay if I was able to try it....Just to make sure I have everything learnt?" I asked him uncontrollably.._You went there, didn't you Bella....You bloody went there you silly girl._

Edward exhaled and made his way back to me...He stood in front of me this time before kneeling...I lifted myself up onto my knees our faces very close together now.

"Bella...I don't want you to do this and regret it...It is your first kiss and I know how special that is to some people" Edward said.

I shook my head "I don't think it is a real kiss unless you are in love with the person you are kissing and besides this is like taking an exam and it will determine whether I pass or fail at the end" I replied..._School analogy? Smooth Bella...He probably already thinks you are off your trolley...You have to go and make it worse don't you?_

"I won't tell anyone...We can keep it between the two of us" He added.

"Just please...Don't laugh at me, Edward" I said feeling the butterflies swarm the centre of my stomach.

"I would never laugh at you, Bella" He replied.

I closed my eyes slowly gravitated my face to his..._This is it...Now or never...It can never be undone, Bella...You will never get it back_...I pressed my lips lightly to Edward's the feeling of his lips on mine feeling strange and brand new...I kissed him as a 'peck' once and then did a CLOSED mouth 'tender' and moved on to an OPEN mouthed 'tender'...Edward was patient with me and let me lead the kiss which I was grateful for...I then pulled myself away from the contact not knowing how I was going to do the 'Passionate'...I closed my eyes again after a few moments.

"Don't think about it, Bella....Just do it" Edward said softly to me...His voice soothing my insecurities. I pressed my lips to his and opened my mouth fully pressing my tongue lightly on his...He rubbed his tongue along mine lightly before I sunk into the kiss fully allowing it to take me along with the ride...Each caress got bigger and by the fourth connection we had both lost breath...I closed my mouth and exhaled a little before adding a last peck on his lips...I didn't open my eyes until I was away from his face as I didn't want to see the reaction until I was further away from him.

I opened my eyes when I got back to my original position and saw that he had his own eyes open already and was smiling at me.

"What? Was that bad?" I asked him my paranoia instantly hitting me down.

"Bad? Not at all...You learn quickly don't you, Bella?" He said with a comforting smile...I exhaled silently in relief. "You kiss any boyfriend you get like that and he will be putty in your hands" he finished as I laughed nervously.

"You weren't too grossed out that it was me were you?" he asked and I shook my head.

I couldn't form any words to describe kissing....I had none and the fact that Edward had offered to help me was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me....I felt giddy and my lips were tingling a little at the sensation of the new world of kissing. I wanted to giggle and jump around but I had to control it..._At least till Edward was gone._

"If that is all you need me for then I think I will need to get some sleep" Edward said...I instantly felt a twinge of guilt...I had known how tired he was and how tired he LOOKED and he had been kept up by me and my lack of....Life experiences.

"Oh Edward...I am so sorry that I kept you up" I said biting my lip in slight agitation.

"Its fine, Bella...You would have done the same for me and besides I can add a second sister to my kissing list now" he smirked and ran his hand through his hair.

"You kissed Alice?" I gasped

"Both Emmett and I have kissed her for dares...I guess we will just have to wait until Emmett kisses you and then we each have a double whammy" he replied.

"Yeah I guess I will have to wait for Emmett now" I answered and both Edward and I laughed together.

"Sweet dreams little sister" Edward said getting up

"Good night, Edward" I replied as I watched my door close behind him.

I exhaled LOUDLY and ran both my hands through my hair...I felt like a little girl once again...I would have to make a note to myself to kiss my next boyfriend ALOT for the time that we were together I already liked it too much.

I changed into my pyjamas and climbed into my bed.

The thought of Edward's lips on mine never leaving my mind for a moment....

I would have to tell him that he was a good kisser...At some point.....

I didn't care that I was going to inflate his ego....He needed to be told.

**Aww Bella is all growing up now!! **

**Edward and Bella are NOT together and they won't be for some time yet...I need to make that clear" However it is evident that Bella has enjoyed that kiss and next chapter we will find out what Edward thought as well as enter the world of surprise parties...Cullen-style :D!**

**I will not be updating until Thursday but I hope this chapter is enough for you to cope...Yes I am talking to you 'Rawwwr'...!**

**Thanks for reading...Review if you have any thoughts because in all honesty reviews are BETTER than a kissing lesson from Edward :D.**

**Love .S.**

**X x x x**


	20. Happy Birthday Edward Part One

_**Chapter 18 is here......!!**_

**I was hoping that the last chapter would get some people going under the collar :D Of course I wouldn't mind a lesson from Edward :D!**

**Thank you to 'kallamigk', 'Devil Nightmare',' LOVE IS A GIFT' and 'Raven Jadewolfe' for your reviews...LOTS of love for you guys!!**

_**A little note to my darling 'Rawwwr' I am so HAPPY that you have been inspired to write your OWN fanfic now...!!! I will want some credit in that process too I think you owe me that much tehe...There WILL be drama my darling just let me write the way I planned it and if you love AML that much then you will bear with me :D. I will wait with baited breath for your own MASTERPIECE and it won't be rubbish because if I can do it then ANYONE can....LOVE U LOTS x x x**_

_**By the way...'Rated X' is a COMPLETLEY made up game from my OWN mind I am sure you could tell that but it does NOT exist and I am sorry if there is a game in existence that is similar or the same I did not mean to steal it. **_

_**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT....I OWN 'AML' :D**_

_**Okay it is party time...With a few little surprises along the way!! Hope you like it..... x x x**_

*~Edward~*

(The night before)

_Hallelujah!!_

I had been so god-damn relieved to get my knackered ass out of school and back at my own home...I had been awake enough to drive which I had been worried about...Clearly my choice of having five coffees hadn't worked at all and I was now feeling more tired than I have ever had in a LONG time.

I arrived home swiftly without having to sit in any traffic or get stuck behind road construction...However my happiness of completing my journey to the comfortableness that was my bed was short-lived when I had literally taken a few steps into the house to be taken to one side by Alice.

"Hey Edward" She cheered in a sickly chime voice...._This couldn't be good._

"Alice...Whatever it is can you make it quick...I have some sleep to catch up on" I broke her off

"It won't take a moment...I need you to do something for me" Alice replied

"Okay what is it?"

"I need you to go and see Bella"

"Why? What's happened...She hasn't been sick again has she?" I asked my sister quickly not being able to hide the concern in my voice.

"No I need you to go and teach her something...I have been explaining a few things to her, you see" Alice replied the corner of her mouth turning upward slightly.

"Um okay sure" I replied not having the energy to get the explanation out of Alice...What would Bella possibly need me to teach her? Was this a plan? Knowing my older sister...Anything was possible.

I instantly went up to Bella's room and stood inside her door; I heard the tap running and the light was shining brightly in her bathroom through the crack underneath the door I waited for her to come out finding it to be rude if I just went in and made myself comfortable...I also knew that I would fall asleep instantly the moment I hit her bed.

It was a few minutes before she had come out of the bathroom...Instantly surprised as she had noticed me at the door.

"Hello Edward, how was your day?" _Tiring...._Bella asked me with a wide smile.

"Yes, thank you Bella...I am here...Against my will I might add because Alice said you needed me to teach you something" I answered her.

Bella froze in her spot for a moment...She had an expression of worry on her face and I gathered that Alice must have sprung another surprise on her because she seemed to indicate that she knew what I was talking about..._Someone at least tell me so I can get some shut-eye...._

"Oh" Bella exhaled the redness of her cheeks climbing to the surface of her skin...Bella's uneasiness made the atmosphere in the room feel more awkward so I carried on trying to break it.

"She wouldn't tell me what...She said I needed to ask you" I stated....There was no way that I was going to be involved in Alice's next plan...It looked like Bella was already upset with Alice and I would rather ne chopped up and boiled in acid than upset Bella in any way ever again.

Bella was still motionless and I felt more and more agitated by the minute...._Don't take it out on Bella, Cullen...She doesn't deserve it._

"Bella?" I asked....Desperately needing to go...I needed to stay here but my body had other ideas.

"Edward...I can't tell you...It's embarrassing" Bella choked out in reply...I exhaled in relief as she began to speak but it was low enough for Bella not to catch it.

"It can't be that embarrassing if I have to teach you it" I said...It was true I had never been good at teaching anyone anything because I lacked the patience needed to carry it through and Bella had always seemed clever enough to never need any help with, well....ANYTHING.

Bella was silent again...Seeming to be in a battle with her thoughts I'd know that look anywhere I seemed to spend most of my life making the same face....I wanted to leave but there was a part of me that wanted to stay and help her. "Bella will you please tell me....I am dying over here" I said..._Actually I am dead ON my feet._

Bella placed both her hands on her face and rubbed it a few times rather roughly and then put her arms back down to the sides.

"Okay...Alice was teaching me about what games are suitable at parties and she mentioned one named 'Rated X'-"Bella began to say....I smiled widely..._SOO many good memories from that game and some maybe not so good...If you counted snogging your own sister to get free drinks for the rest of the night a good thing then so be it. _

"Good one that one" I smirked at her...Although maybe that was the wrong thing to do because Bella had backed away from me ever so slightly and find comfort with looking at the floor.

"I kind of said that I had never kissed anyone before and Alice said that she would find someone to explain it to me" Aw she looked so cute...How the hell had she gone without getting a kiss from a guy? If she wasn't my sister I would snap her up in a heartbeat...Although trust Alice to say to Bella that I needed to teach her...!! Anything to make me feel inadequate about myself and why the hell didn't she explain it to Bella herself?

"Ah I can see now why she would have chosen me...Listen, Bella you shouldn't be embarrassed about...Well firstly about how you haven't been kissed, it's very surprising and I am not going to lie about that and secondly about how I may be the one to teach you...I will help you, Bella it's the least I can do for the times you have been there for me...Don't worry I am not going to fall in love with you afterwards" I explained...There was no need for her to worry about me getting emotional with her at the end...I felt nothing for her besides the love from a brother to his sister and that was the stone-definite truth.

"Edward...You're my brother" she choked out and I couldn't help but smile internally...It was true that kissing your own brother is not the first thing on a young girl's 'to-do' list but I was willing to help her...If she was prepared to receive it that is.

"How else do you think people learn, Bella? There is always the back of the hand technique but that never works...Kissing is mostly about instinct you need to live in the moment and do it your own way..As long as you have the basics you should be fine. Besides you don't have to ACTUALLY kiss me, Bella...I can just explain them to you and then you can decide what to do when the moment happens"

She smiled at me a little... "Well you better sit down then" she said as I walked over and sat on her bed...She had moved to sitting on the carpet in front of me on the floor.

Where the hell was I going to start...I had kissed girls but I had only 'Made out' with them and the explanation for that seems a whole lot worse than what it actually is and I didn't want Bella to think that I was blowing my own horn with my heightened kissing experiences in life. I just decided to explain what I had learnt at the beginning from Esme.

"Okay first off there is the 'small kiss'...The 'peck' as it is most formally known...A peck is something that I placed on your forehead this morning before I went to school...It is a simple touching of the lips for a mere few seconds however this morning it was your forehead...It is considered more of a sweet gesture more than anything else." I nodded in indication that I understood. "Then there is the 'tender kiss' the only exception it has to the peck is that you can choose to open your mouth...No tongue however, this kiss lasts longer than the peck....However the most enjoyable one is the 'Passionate kiss' where you start off with the technique of the peck and then the tender and then add tongues into the equation...Each person caresses their tongue with the other person's...Trust me it feels a whole lot better than it sounds" I finished...Bella looked like she seemed to understand...I stood up needing to keep myself upright...I walked out towards the door when I was halted in my tracks.

"Edward, wait" Bella called to me...I turned to her as she bit her lip and looked at me wearily.

"Would it be okay if I was able to try it....Just to make sure I have everything learnt"? Bella said in-between her heightened breathing..._Did she just ask me that? Oh Jesus I wasn't prepared to be the person to take her first kiss away from her..._I exhaled and walked back to her, she had propped herself up on her knees as I took the same kneeling position in front of her intentionally positioning my face close to hers.

"Bella...I don't want you to do this and regret it...It is your first kiss and I know how special that is to some people" I stated as Bella nodded.

"I don't think it is a real kiss unless you are in love with the person you are kissing and besides this is like taking an exam and it will determine whether I pass or fail at the end"..._My little sister has two very good valid points there._

"I won't tell anyone...We can keep it between the two of us"

"Just please...Don't laugh at me, Edward"..._This girl still needed to know some more stuff about me...I had no right to laugh at her and I wouldn't....Silly, Bella._

"I would never laugh at you, Bella" I said confidently.

I closed my eyes before Bella did wanting her to feel comfortable with the situation that we were now putting both of ourselves in...The moment her lips touched mine....I don't know it wasn't weird at all I mean I knew in my head that it was Bella but I just took a back seat and let her lead this because I wasn't going to force her to stick her tongue down my throat as I am sure I wouldn't want her doing that to me if our roles were reversed.

Bella's lips were soft as she started off with the peck...I could feel her breath on my jaw and cheeks as I sat there motionless just allowing both of our lips to mould together...Bella then did a tender kiss...She seemed to have so much emotion behind what she was doing almost like we were acting out a romance scene together...Before I could determine what was going to happen there was a moment where Bella's lips never returned to mine after she had broken our contact from the tender...I knew that move the stillness of making a choice...She knew now that she would have to do the passionate kiss on me and I am sure she was feeling uneasy and in all honesty I was too...I kept my eyes closed.

"Don't think about it, Bella....Just do it" I said to her softly wanting to soothe her as best as I could...I heard another take in of breath and Bella's lips were connected to mine once more...Her lips were so warm and almost inviting..._Is it possible that I am ENJOYING this?_

I desperately wanted to wrap my arms around her when her tongue lapped with my own...I forced myself not to moan in her mouth because this was all just too unreal...I had made out with girls before but nothing like this...Bella was going to break a few hearts that was certain. Our tongues danced together comfortably...Bella had pushed herself into my mouth slightly and I could sense that she was sinking into the kiss just like I had wanted to..We never made contact with any other body part besides our mouths and by the time we had got to the fourth entrance of our tongues we were both out of breath...Funnily enough I was the first one to pull myself away from the grasp of her lips...Bella had been the student in this situation and I expected her to pull away first...I opened my eyes and looked at her as she backed away her eyes still closed...She looked content if that is the right word to use I couldn't help but smile at her..._Mental note for today, never die before you have been to England...If all English kissed like Bella then I would welcome the new culture learning curve._

"What? Was that bad?" Bella suddenly asked me...She had drawn her bottom lip into her mouth...._Jesus was she paranoid? I have never been kissed like that by anyone else before...To be honest I had only made out with people I hadn't been too fond of....Edward this is your sister you sick fuck....But seriously Bella should have a boyfriend he would have to count his lucky stars every day that's for sure._

"Bad? Not at all...You learn quickly don't you, Bella?" I said suddenly wanting to soothe her. "You kiss any boyfriend you get like that and he will be putty in your hands" I finished...Bella laughed nervously at my remark.

"You weren't too grossed out that it was me were you?" I asked her...My own paranoia kicking in...She shook her head. _I wasn't grossed out by this...Now I couldn't feel tired anymore...Maybe I should kiss the person I end up being with when I am dead on my feet more often....You can't stay with her Edward you can see that she feels awkward._

"If that is all you need me for then I think I will need to get some sleep" I said..._Great excuse, Edward you no longer feel tired but you have to come up with that...Jesus what was it with this bloody kissing lark that has thrown you all out of whack...Pull yourself together you tosser!_

"Oh Edward...I am so sorry that I kept you up" Bella said shooting me an apologetic expression..._Don't be sorry Bella I would do anything to help you._

"Its fine, Bella...You would have done the same for me and besides I can add a second sister to my kissing list now" I stated cringing a little internally at the memory.

"You kissed Alice?" _Bella always knew how to make me giggle...It didn't surprise me that she was shocked._

"Both Emmett and I have kissed her for dares...I guess we will just have to wait until Emmett kisses you and then we each have a double whammy"

"Yeah I guess I will have to wait for Emmett now" Bella stated and we both chuckled in unison....._You need to move now, Edward...You need to go._

"Sweet dreams little sister" I said

"Good night, Edward" she replied as I closed the door behind me.

What the hell just happened?? That was certainly a 'When life hands you lemons make lemonade' situation....I would have to find a way to thank Alice discreetly I hadn't had a kiss in a while and it made a nice change...It was Bella and not Jessica who I would definitely have preferred to do it with but it was a kiss all the same and I was in no state of mind to complain even if I wanted to...I had forgotten how much I missed physical attraction.

To my surprise I fell asleep as soon as my heat had hit my pillow of course before I entered the land of nod I couldn't help but picture Bella's lips on mine once again...Bella had been much a better kisser than Alice was when I kissed her and Bella was the one who was the beginner...Life eh?

You never know where it is going to take you...The best thing to do is to ride along with it.

*~Bella~*

I rushed into Alice's room...I had woken up with a heightened enthusiasm about today's event...I had never been invited to parties back in England so I didn't know what to expect here but it didn't hurt to be open-minded...If I am being completely honest with myself I would have to say that because my excitement of something I had never been to in my life is so UNLIKE me I was still reeling from the kiss with Edward last night....However I decided that I would be as discreet as possible because Alice had a sixth sense about...Well...Anything and I wasn't going to give her any ammunition to use against me...Now I would have an excuse for my excitement and that was Edward's surprise party and that it was Friday so it was time for another weekend to roll on.

Alice was not in her bedroom – The bed was unmade which is odd considering Alice never left home without making her bed it was just something that she did. I edged around the room to the door of the bathroom...I knocked once I had seen the light on and the door ajar. There was silence.

If I was about to see my sister naked then I would have to be prepared right now.

I stepped in and found Alice sitting on the floor her arms wrapped around her knees and her head buried in them.

"Alice?" I gasped and ran to kneel in front of her, my hand automatically moving to one of her arms..."What's wrong, Alice...What's happened?" I asked her frantically pulling her arm a little in an attempt to get her to move her head upwards to face mine.

Alice lifted her head...Fresh tears trailing down her face and her eyes all puffy...she said nothing...She looked so hurt and so upset and I could feel my heart breaking inside of my chest if that is at all possible...One corner of her mouth lifting ever so slightly as she fixated her gaze onto mine..I didn't want to imagine the look on my face the sudden sickly and tightening sensation in my stomach was enough to determine that I was worried.

"Hi Bella" Alice greeted me her voice clouded with sadness and damage.

"Alice...Tell me what's wrong...Please?" I pleaded wiping her hair with my other free hand...Alice leaned into my touch....She then reached behind her body with one hand and pulled out something and held it out to me.

I took with one of my hands with my fingers clasped around it and unhooked them...

_Oh my god_

_Is this real?_

_Alice had just given me...A pregnancy test!_

"Alice" I gasped again unable of what to say to her.

"Can you look at it for me, Bella?" Alice managed to ask...Her arm that she had freed now taking back to its original position around her knees.

"Are....The.....Three minutes up?" I asked...My voice breaking due to the impact of the shock...

"Yes...I can't look Bella...I need you to help me"

I took a hand and stroked Alice's hair with it...."I will help you, Alice...Do you want me to tell you now?"

Alice nodded...I took a deep breath and turned the test around in my hand...I bit my lip.

_POSITIVE_

"I can already tell by the look on your face, Bella...My periods are permanently in routine and they have been in the same routine since I was twelve...I can remember what night it was I had told Jasper I had taken my pill but I completely forgot about it...I needed to feel all of him because we have always been safe...It was such a bad thing to do but I needed him, Bella....I needed him so much" Alice was crying new tears when she had finished...I threw the stick on the floor and pulled her upwards to standing...Before she could protest I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly...I couldn't bear to see Alice crying because she was always so full of life...Alice was hesitant and stiff for a moment before hugging me back with the same enthusiasm.

"Alice..You don't have to explain yourself to me" I soothed as she sniffed...I had a feeling I would need to change my top before going to school. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No" Alice said into my chest.

"Alice...What are you going to do?" I asked her wearily...I didn't know anything about pregnancy especially pregnancy with young people.

"I want to keep it" Alice said...I grabbed her by the shoulders and took her away from my chest...she looked up at me with a smile on her face.

"Alice...I will support you in what you decide to do but are you sure about this...I mean _really _sure?"

"I don't think I have been more sure about anything since deciding to tell Jasper that I loved him...I belong with him, Bella...I know that we aren't married and that we are young but...I have dreamt about giving him children, Bella...Looking into their eyes and seeing Jasper in their features...I need this and I love him so much I know that this is meant to be" she explained...A tear escaped my eye.

"Oh god, Bella please don't be upset with me" Alice pleaded and I scoffed wiping the tear from my face.

"I am not upset Alice...I will support you in this in any way I can you know that, right?" I stated...Alice smiled widely for the first time since I had come in.

"I love you, Bella"

I pulled her into another hug "I love you too"

I pulled my arms off of her but grabbed her hand and took her back out to her room...I pulled her down onto the bed and I remained standing.

"Stay here...I will be back in a minute" I said before Alice nodded...Crashing her whole body onto the mattress...She needed to get better and get over the shock.

I grabbed various different things from the kitchen....It was still early and no one else seemed to be up...I decided to make a couple of pieces of toast and butter not knowing what Alice preferred on toast I went with the most common spread...I grabbed a glass and poured some orange juice into it as well as making a cup of green tea (Alice was keen on the antioxidants)...Putting it all on a tray I made my way back upstairs and back to Alice in her room....She was still crashed out on the sofa.

"Alice?" She looked up at me just by lifting her head she giggled a little and sat up properly taking the tray from my hands and putting it onto her lap.

"Bella...You didn't have to do this" she said taking a sip of her juice.

"I wanted to...Besides you need to be on-the-ball for tonight and you can't do that on an empty stomach" I stated and she nodded back at me.

Without saying another word I went back into my room and took out my makeup wipes from the bathroom...I also took out some moisturiser which I hadn't yet used and I knew that Alice was keen on her products she would be the only one in need of it right now....I walked back into Alice's room feeling a little bit like a jack-in-the-box but I didn't care...I needed Alice tonight as she had done nearly all of the planning and I couldn't handle a party by myself even if Rosalie was there to help me there wouldn't be enough pairs of hands. I put the things on the bedside table and ran into Alice's bathroom..._Bella you could have just not gone into your room and gone straight to Alice's...._I wasn't thinking clearly right now I needed to do something. I reached down and picked up the stick cleaning it under the tap with a squirt of hand wash...I then took some toilet paper and wrapped it around the stick...I put it into my pocket..._Gross I know_...But I would have to put it in my own bin until I realised how I was going to hide it from Esme and Carlisle. Apart from the unexpected item the bathroom was clean so I had nothing else to do.

Alice was finishing up her food when I had come back in.

"Bella...Where's the-" I broke Alice off with a hand gesture.

"It's sorted, Alice...Let's clean you up" I replied and she sighed contently...I took out a wipe from box and began to wipe Alice's face not leaving any area of her face unclean...Alice closed her eyes but looked peaceful as I worked.

Once I had finished removing all the contents of her makeup...I squeezed a small amount of moisturiser onto my palm and took one finger on the opposite hand to scoop some up and place it around Alice's face.

"Thank you, Bella" She said as I finished and wiped the excess of the moisturiser over my own hands.

"When are you going to tell Jasper?" I asked.

"I will tell him tomorrow...I cannot spoil today because it is Edward's."

"What do you think he is going to say?"

"I don't know, Bella" Alice finished biting her lip...I grabbed the tray and stood up...I was about to walk over to the door when it burst open.

"GIRLS IT'S PARTY TIME"! Rosalie shouted in a non-impressive attempt at a singing voice...I couldn't help but laugh at her though not out of stupidity but just the fact that she seemed just as enthusiastic about all of this as Alice but she had the worst timing.

"Rose...Sssshh" Alice whispered loudly.

"It's okay Alice...The boys have gone" Rosalie replied and started jumping around in a circle I suddenly felt a bit saddened I had hoped to see Edward this morning not for a full conversation or anything just a simple 'hello' would have sufficed enough for me...I would have to wait for tonight. Once Rosalie had completed one circle she stopped to look at mine and Alice's faces in turn.

"Whoa...Girls, who died?" Rosalie exclaimed and I looked over at Alice who wasn't looking at either of us...She had found a place on the floor to keep her gaze.

"Alice?" Rose asked...I bit my lip I wanted to say it to Rosalie to get the pressure off of Alice but it was not my place to do so...I was now more concerned about Rose's reaction as well there was a small part of me that wondered whether she would take it as well as I had done or whether she would go and do the complete opposite.

"I'm pregnant, Rose" Alice squeaked...I instantly turned my head to Rosalie who had crossed her eyebrows.

"Alice...You're having me on, right?" Rose said...I looked to the floor feeling apprehensive about having to actually be involved in this conversation.

"No" Alice replied.

"Alice I need to get the rest of my stuff ready...I will leave you two to it" I said as I began to find my feet again and walk out of the door.

"Bella...Please stay" Alice pleaded at my turned back...I swivelled back around now standing next to Rosalie but keeping a fair distance from her. "Rose its true and I want to keep it" she added frankly...I looked to the floor again.

"Alice...I am not going to lie and say that this is the best idea in the world" Rosalie stated carefully "but if this is what you want then I will be here for you" she finished, I shot my head up to look at her with shock – I had expected Rosalie to have knocked some sense into Alice but it seemed that Alice was cared too much about by the two of us to earn the lecture. I wasn't going to lecture Alice about her choices so the only one who could do it was Rosalie and of course, Esme...But fate had things differently today.

"Really?" Alice had her gaze on Rose now...Tears brimming to the surface of her eyes...Rose tilted her head and walked over to Alice sitting next to her on the bed and wrapping her arm around her into cocoon-like position.

"Of course...Only if I and Bella get to be made the official Aunts" Rose said smiling over at me.

"I can't be the Aunt Rosalie...I would have to be with Edward to be the aunt and considering how we are adopted...That's kind of gross" I stated...Although inside I was beginning to believe that maybe it wasn't gross at all...._Stop thinking like that, Bella...You can't put yourself into these situations and do the expected in terms of reaction._

"I want you to be some relation or a official friend to the baby, Bella...You don't have to be the Aunt if you don't want to" Alice said and I smiled.

"Bella could be godmother" Rosalie said and Alice gasped and her smile grew wider.

"Godmother? That makes me sound really old..." I started

"Bella..The aunt or the godmother...Pick one...This is my baby and you do not have a choice" Alice said..I sighed a little in defeat she always knew how to win even when she was expecting a half-breed of herself.

"Fine I will be the Godmother" I stated and both girls giggled in unison.

"I really have to get my stuff ready...Are you going to be okay, Alice?" I stated.

"Yes Bella, thank you" she answered me with an appreciative smile...I nodded once and grabbed the tray by her feet and walked out of the door...I went back down to the kitchen and jumped to find Esme there.

"Good morning, Bella....Have you had breakfast in bed?" Esme greeted me with a smile.

"Um..No Alice got up a bit late so I figured she might not have time to eat her breakfast down here so I made her some to have up there" I answered..._You suck at lying, Bella!_

"Oh well that was very nice of you darling" Esme chimed.

"Is everything sorted for tonight?" I asked as I took the plate, cup and glass off of the tray and put them into the sink...As well as taking the tray and putting it back in its original place.

"Yes just waiting for the deliveries and then I will be able to set everything up...I do not want you and Alice to lift a finger though you just go to school, come back and spend hours getting ready like girls usually do" Esme said.

"No Esme" I said shaking my head "I am sure Alice will spend hours getting ready but it would take a lifetime to make me look nearly as good as what Alice and Rose would" I said in reply.

"Bella you have never seen yourself clearly have you? Although to be honest I don't think you have been told enough times that you are beautiful and when someone is as beautiful as you...INSIDE and OUT then they need to be told...You need to see yourself as we do, Bella"

"You have to say that...You're my mom" I said mocking an American Accent on the word 'mom' Esme giggled.

"I may be a MOM, Bella...But I am also honest and if I didn't think you were as beautiful as you are then I would never tell you so...It does no one any good to dwell on false hope Bella" Esme explained and I nodded.

"I need to be shown all of your outfits too, if there's one thing I like then it is a fashion show" Esme added.

I went to turn on the tap to wash the plate, cup and glass when Esme's hand landed on top of mine.

"Remember what I said, Bella" Esme said frankly.

"Oh god...I am sorry, Esme...I forget things" I replied. Esme wouldn't let me touch the washing up the first time and I had a feeling that I would never have to do any washing up in my life. I went out of the kitchen and back up to my room...I was stopped by Rosalie who was standing by my door.

"Bella can I talk to you for a minute"? She asked.

"Yes" I said and opened the door as she followed in after me and shut the door behind her "Is this about Alice" I said as I moved around getting different things I would need for the day and putting them into my open bag at the foot of my bed.

"No" Rosalie said...I turned to look at her – she was standing still with her arms wrapped around herself.

"Rosalie, sit down please" I said to her...She was making me feel very uneasy standing like that...She lowered her head and sat on the bed.

"I wanted to say sorry, Bella for the other day" She said. "It was wrong for Emmett and I to talk about you and Mike like that...I guess we just want you to be happy Bella."

"It's okay Rosalie...I just need to let you know that a girl can be happy without a boyfriend on her arm...I want to find someone for me, someone that I have chosen myself and not be set-up with and if Mike does ask me out then I will have to think about it when it does happen"

"I understand that, Bella...We realise that we were the ones who made you ill and we are both so sorry about it"

"It wasn't just you, Rose...-"I started walking over to her and sitting next to her on my bed "It's everything...The whole concept of having a boyfriend and going into a relationship I mean I used to think that it was nothing because so many girls even younger than me had boyfriends but now I know that it must mean something bigger when I look at you and Emmett and Alice and Jasper it all seems clear..You can find soulmates and the ones that you belong to and I will wait for that...I will wait however long it takes" I explained. Rose stroked my right cheek with one of her hands.

"If only I was more like you at your age, Bella...I was so concerned about looks and feeling wanted and needed that I was almost bordering on vain. I can admit that now I have Emmett I don't need to have that constant attention anymore but that doesn't stop me from wanting that for you, Bella"

"I am grateful that you want to help me, Rose but there is only one way you can help me...Just let me find someone for myself and then you can have an honest opinion about him when you do meet him" I said and Rose nodded.

"So it will be a 'he' then?" Rose teased...I slapped her arm and giggled...She laughed along with me.

"Yes I may be a confused teen but I am straight" I said.

Rosalie kissed my cheek and left the room....I had already packed the things I needed to..I grabbed my bag...went back downstairs and out of the front door...I breathed in the cool air and began to walk to the woodland...I had no idea where I was going but the air had invited me somehow and I would go wherever my feet would take me. I was about to cross the road opposite the house when I heard a car horn. I turned to the left side of the road and coming towards the house was Emmett's jeep...I stopped and waited for him to turn onto the driveway.

Emmett hopped out of his jeep and walked over to me, he had a pen and pad in his hands.

"Emmett aren't you supposed to be in school?" I asked him

"Yes B but I have come back...I need you, Alice and Rose's names on a piece of paper and a number on the back of your choice for 'Rated X'" he explained in and out of panted breaths.

"Emmett I don't want to put my name in" I said.

"Bella...its Edward's day and besides you have kissed him before so it shouldn't matter" Emmett teased with a wink.

"How the hell did you find out about that?" I exclaimed...Nothing was ever kept a secret round here...I must learn to keep my mouth shut.

"B that was a guess....But hey now I know that it is true...Jesus you don't waste time getting into people's hearts Bella...I want mine when it is my birthday" _Shit....Shit....Shit....You and your bloody big mouth Bella Swan!_

"I was..Kidding Emmett...I was joking too" I lied

"You are a TERRIBLE liar, Bella...You may want to work out how to control that blush it always gives you away...Come on your name NOW! I need to get back to Coach he will burn my balls on a fire poker if I am any longer than half an hour" Emmett said.

_Ugh lovely visual image in my head...!!_

I groaned loudly...How the hell did these Cullens always know how to beat me?! I snatched the pen and paper from Emmett's grasp and wrote down my name...Pulling it off and turning the single piece over to write the number '7'.

"Seven eh? Not bad for you B....I thought you would go for a number WAY lower than that" Emmett said taking the notebook back.

"If I had put any lower than that one of you would have changed it without my knowing" I replied.

"You catch on fast, Bella...I will see you tonight then" Emmett gave me a wet kiss on the forehead and ran into the house...I cringed and wiped my forehead with my sleeve..._There was no way I would ever kiss Emmett...Birthday or not I would probably drown in his saliva._

I stayed outside in my spot and paced up and down for a while thinking about random things I didn't know what the time was but I trusted Alice and Rose to be out of the house leaving good time to get to school....They always were punctual...Well, at least Alice was...I had never been in the same car as Rose till today.

Alice and Rose came out of the house...The impact of the door closing forcing me to turn to look...They waved at me and I made my own way to Alice's car...We all climbed in and made our way to school.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked them both.

"He is going through the final details with mom" Alice replied and I sighed in relief.

"Please don't tell me what I thought you were thinking, Bella" Rose said..._HUH?_

"What?"

"Did you think that Emmett was going to put Esme's name in the Rated X pile"? Rose asked..._Ewww...I hadn't thought about it at all...Until now....DAMN mental images._

"NO"! I answered Alice and Rose laughed hysterically.

"Wow Bella...I will admit that Emmett is good but there is no chance in hell he would seduce his own mother" Rose said still mid-laugh.

As Alice and Rosalie's laughter died down we carried on our way to school in silence.

It felt strange to be back at Forks after my incident a couple of days ago...I walked past Rose and Alice going off into another direction to my locker...I opened it to find a note attached to the door...The same way Alice's note had positioned itself a couple of days ago...I threw my bag in the usual way and grabbed the note..Opening it with both my hands.

Bella

Need to talk...Meet me at the front entrance at lunch please it's important

Mike

What the hell did he want now?? Oh wait a minute..._He was trying to tell you something when you were last here...He must want to finally get to tell you today._ I folded the note back up and put it into my bag and got my books out. I made my way to lesson in good time before the bell rang...I now knew where I was going in this school and it made a nice change.

Lunch came quickly...Without going to my locker I went to the front entrance...Mike was standing at the gates leaning on one arm...I exhaled and walked over to him..._just like ripping off a band-aid Bella...Quick and painless._

"Hey Bella...You got my note then?" Mike said when he saw me.

"Yeah...What's wrong, Mike?" I asked.

"Nothing is wrong, Bella...I just need to ask you something"

"Okay then...Shoot"

"Um...I had this whole thing planned out and well...It will probably end up being like nothing I wrote down but-"

"Mike...Please before I am old?" I teased with a smile to break off his rambling.

"Thing is, Bella...I really like you" _Crap! _"I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me, sometime?" he finished..._Alice and Rosalie were right...AGAIN! I swear those two were phsycic!!_

I couldn't help but feel shocked even though I had been told that Mike liked me and maybe WAY deep down I had also known it myself...I never wanted to act on it or give him the wrong impression and there was this thing with Jess.

"Mike...What about Jess...She really likes you" I stated and Mike shook his head frantically.

"No Bella...We used to go out but that was before we started here...We were so young and we didn't know what it all meant but I have moved on from that, Bella" Mike replied.

Oh god...!! I suddenly felt a sudden urge to see Edward but I wanted to wait for tonight...His reaction would all be worth it.

"Bella please answer me?" Mike pleaded...He looked so vulnerable in that moment and I would feel awful if I were to be the one to refuse him.

"Mike...How about you come to Edward's surprise party we are having at our house tonight...Don't invite anyone else" _Think of a lie, Bella.....A lie..._"You see Alice said that I was only allowed to bring one person and I want to invite you" I finished...I would have to tell Alice all about that lie later on...I didn't think that my other friends would be invited and even though there was a large part of me that was upset about it...I figured that because it was Edward's party and not mine I didn't want to cause any arguments or unnecessary tension.

"Wow that would be great, Bella...Thanks" Mike said in reply I smiled and nodded...It's true that right now I wasn't attracted to him but it was a risk that I was willing to take...I had a new found confidence in myself now and I wasn't in any way egotistical but I enjoyed having the freedom to make my OWN decisions about my OWN life.

After school I found Alice and Rosalie..._Should I tell them? Or wait and give them a surprise? I didn't want them to tell me 'I told you so' either._

"Hey Bella...You all set?" Rose chimed and I nodded.

All of us climbed back into the car and drove back to the house..It would be like girly night all over again only this time we would be getting ready for a party and not relaxing and watching a film.

The driveway was full of cars as Alice parked in the only available space left...We all climbed out and went up to the house...I felt the butterflies hit my stomach again...I was about to meet some members of the Cullen family and Jessica Stanley...Now I did want to throw up.

Once Alice, Rose and I walked in there were various people who had run over to Alice and hugged her...An equal number of men and women they all acknowledged Rose as well...I backed up away from the reunion slightly feeling extremely awkward...I looked at my feet.

"Everyone I would like you to meet my newest daughter-"There were a few little laughs at the start of Esme's announcement "Isabella Swan" Esme finished and I looked up to find that Alice and Rose had moved from their positions in front of me and now I could only see Esme in the distance as well as lots of pairs of eyes on me...The crowd dispersed and three women came up to me.

"Hello Isabella I am Kate...Carlisle's stepsister therefore your step-aunt it is a pleasure to meet you" Kate said pleasantly as she held her hand out to me..I took it...Kate was immediately replaced by another woman "I am Tanya...Carlisle's cousin" she stated and shook my hand...Then there was another swap with the third and final woman "I am Leah...Esme's cousin" she said and shook my hand...Before I could return the response of being pleased to meet them as well they had gone back into the crowd...They had been and gone so quickly I couldn't take in their appearances properly and I definitely wouldn't remember their names later on..._Oh god! _No one else had made an attempt to come up and introduce themselves to me and even though I was slightly hurt – I was expecting it...I hadn't been in the family long and I didn't expect anyone else to be as welcoming as the Cullens who were my immediate family...Then again I didn't know of anyone other family in the world who could be as half as nice as the Cullens. Alice grabbed my hand and Rosalie grabbed my other arm at the same time...They leaded me up the stairs and into my room.

"I am sorry about that, Bella" Alice said as she placed me onto the bed. "You will soon learn that my family have a lot of issues and they are not the friendliest of people to NEW people but they will warm to you eventually" she finished.

"Alice its fine...Anyway this is for Edward" I stated

"That's my little sister! Now...Get showered as quickly as you can and I will bring all of the stuff we need in...I will also pick out the four dresses I got you and we will all decide on the most suitable." Alice explained and I nodded and got up from the bed into the bathroom leaving Alice and Rose fumbling around in my wardrobe.

I re-shaved my legs and topped up on extra soap than usual...It was going to be a long night and I wanted to stay fresh...I hopped out wrapping my wet hair up and walking into my room again.

Alice was standing by my wardrobe and Rose was on the bed looking through Alice's makeup case...I walked over to the bed and sat on it not really caring that I was only in my towels....

"Right...I did have four in here but it turns out that I can only find two so...This is the first one" She pulled out a small, red cocktail dress with a long trail of fabric down the back...It had a simple design but was too short around the knees...I shook my head at Alice and she nodded and put the dress back in the wardrobe.

"Or there is this one" she said pulling out the second one...This dress was simple but elegant at the same time..It had a pretty sequin design in the middle around the chest area and it flowed nicely down to the bottom of the dress that was much longer than the other one.

"I like that one" I said frankly

"I agree...That is more Bella" Rose replied and Alice smiled widely and hung the dress on the handle of the bedroom door.

"Now let's make you look beautiful" Rose said turning to me and smiling...Alice walked over and sat next to Rose on the bed and they both were smiling at me before they began to work.

The makeup session was a bit longer than I had preferred...The two beauty queens got straight on with my hair without letting me glimpse in a mirror at my makeup..I let the two of them work not having either the energy or the strength to argue with them ...They had put my hair up but I didn't know how they had styled it...The cool air felt nice on the back of my neck. Rose and Alice had stopped their hands working...I turned around to look at them.

"Can I have a look now?" I asked them.

"No...Not until we are all ready and then we can all have a picture together...I need a new one for my nightstand" Alice exclaimed.

"Oh yeah because you can never have too many pictures of Jasper" Rose replied sarcastically and I suppressed a giggle. Alice got up and grabbed the case...Rose's remark going unnoticed and walked back into her room.

"Would you like me to help you clean up, Bella?" Rosalie asked me....I looked around and the room was a little messier than usual but it would probably only take about five minutes to do.

"No thank you, Rose...You go and get ready" I said...Rose shot me one final smile before walking to Alice's room.

It took a lot for me not to go into the bathroom and look into my mirror...Luckily Alice and Rose hadn't got my hand mirror out either...I grabbed my hairdryer and straighteners off of the floor and put them into the same drawer in my chest of drawers...I then pulled the sheet of my bed to straighten it...I was about to check the bathroom for mess when Esme had turned up at my door...A large smile on her face.

"Hi Esme" I greeted her feeling a little embarrassed at the way she was studying me.

"How could you say that you are not beautiful, Bella...When you look like that?" She asked me...I didn't know what to say I hadn't yet seen myself and even if I did I would never agree to myself looking as pretty as Esme thought.

"I haven't seen myself yet, Esme...Alice had forbidden me not to"

"I see...Bella you should never be afraid to wear nice things...They do wonders for you" Esme said...I felt the tears filling at my eyes...I blinked them away quickly not wanting to smudge Alice's makeup masterpiece.

"Can I do anything for you, Esme?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"No Bella I came up here to give you something" she said reaching into her pocket and walking towards me at the same time...She pulled out a small box with a black velvet material and handed it out to me...I looked at her wearily and she nodded for me to take it...I took the box and opened the lid.

There was a sparkling silver pendant inside.

"It's a mermaid...My mother gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday and I wore it the night I met Carlisle...It gave me luck, Bella and I want you to have the same luck as I did and possibly even more" Esme explained.

"Esme...It's beautiful but I can't take it" I insisted.

Esme reached for the pendant and pulled it out...The chain in pursuit...She unclasped it and wrapped it around my neck.

"You can and you will, Bella...I want you to have it" she said as she tied the clasp up again and let it fall to the right position on my neck. "It looks even better on you than it did on me" Esme said as she sighed contently.

"Thank you, Esme..I will take good care of it I promise" I said wanting to reassure her that I would never intentionally lose anything that belonged to her.

"I know you will, Bella....Also please excuse mine and Carlisle's family they have always been a bit strange about me adopting they acted the same with both Emmett and Edward and I don't want you to be upset by them"

"No Esme....I understand...This is Edward's night and I don't want to be the one that ruins it for him"

"That reminds me, Bella...I also need to thank you. When Edward was growing up he was the golden child..The clever one and we all had high hopes for him...However he took to puberty badly and he never recovered from it...He was always confused and his moods would always change like the wind but since you have come here, Bella he has wanted to change and he has so much more than even he notices...It's all down to you"

"I haven't done anything, Esme...I think the world of Edward, Emmett and Alice and I have treated them as I would want to be treated myself"

"It has worked...Carlisle and I love you so much, Bella...You know that don't you?" Esme asked...I pulled her into a hug and kissed her neck.

"I love you both as well...I can't thank you enough for looking after me" I replied as I let go of her Esme grabbed both sides of my face and smiled at me before walking back out of the room and down the stairs.

It got to seven thirty when Alice and Rose finally emerged from Alice's room and into mine...Alice was wearing a teal coloured vintage dress with silver heels and Rose was wearing a gold cocktail dress with gold heels...I gasped at the two of them...These two were born to be models even if they had no desire to be ones for a career choice...They each twirled on the spot and smiled at me...I found myself feeling a little jealous that I could not look as good.

"Bella...Put your shoes on we need to get downstairs" Alice barked ruining the moment...I walked over to my wardrobe and grabbed the nearest pair of black heels I could get to and stood back up straightening out the back of my dress and putting the heels on.

Alice, Rose and I had all come downstairs when we found it was already dark and there were headlights on the driveway.

"Crap" Alice said as she ran over to crouch on the floor...Rosalie grabbed my hand and led me to where I imagined Alice went and as she knelt down..So did I. The room was silent as we heard the door opening...Emmett and Jasper's voice was indistinct as the light turned on and everyone stood up including Alice and Rose...Saying 'SURPRISE' loudly and in complete harmony. I stood up a bit later than everyone else and by the time I had got upright the word had already been said I just stood there with an enthusiastic smile.

Emmett and Jasper moved and Edward came into the house...A huge 'O' forming on his mouth..There was clapping and cheering filling the entire room and bouncing off of the walls..Edward whispered to Emmett and then walked past everyone and up the stairs...I looked at Rosalie and Alice who had looked at their boyfriends.

Emmett shrugged and Jasper bit his lip...The room was full of murmurs now...I tugged on Rosalie's arm and mouthed 'I'll be right back' she nodded before I walked up the stairs as quietly as I could without being noticed by anyone.

Edward's door was open...The lamp on the bedside table turned on...I walked in to find Edward sitting on the bed his head in his hands...I walked over to him and knelt in front of him...Putting my hands on his arms and tried to pull them away...He let his elbows slide off of his thighs and looked at me.

"Edward...What's wrong?" I asked him in a soothing voice.

"It's just shock, Bella" he answered

"Shock in a good or a bad way?"

"Don't know...A bit of both...You know that I wasn't looking forward to this birthday, Bella" he stated.

"I know that, Edward...But everyone has turned up to celebrate with you"

"I don't know whether I can"

"Edward stop being ridiculous...There are people down there who care about you and who want you to have a good time" I said

"Bella-" he started

"NO! Don't argue with me...Do you know what I would give to have a surprise like this...I have never celebrated my birthday with my mum...Not properly....I have never been to a party in my life until now and I have never dressed up like this for anyone but I have done it for you, Edward because I care about you" I yelled...I couldn't help my anger at his idiocy.....I instantly felt bad.

"Bella" Edward said as he placed two hands on either side of my face "You look beautiful" he said before leaning closer and pressing his lips to mine.

It was a tender kiss, simple but nice...He broke away from me disconnecting our mouths. "That was to say thank you. You are right...Give me a minute to change my outfit and I will be down" he said as he released my face I got up from my knees and walked towards the door...I was however almost hit as it flew open. A young girl walked in and looked straight at Edward with a wide smile.

"Hi Jessica" He greeted her...His voice was slightly cracked now with nerves...I couldn't help but find it sweet that one girl could make Edward this nervous...I would have to find time to make fun of him later.

"Edward, sweetie I missed you" the girl exclaimed as she ran over to him and wrapped both her arms and legs around him...I waved at him when his eyes connected with mine and then walked back out of the door.

Time to rejoin the party....!

**A/N :I have decided to split the party in to TWO parts but they will both be uploaded TODAY so you won't have to wait for the second part...I received a review from 'Wendilili' as I was half-way through this hence why you are not at the top sweetie thank you for your praise on AML..I can't wait to read more of your FANFIC now!**

**I also need to thank 'Secret Empath' for adding me to her forum...Thank you for that it means alot. Anyway there are no particular songs for this chapter I just put on my favourite party songs and if you wanna do the same then feel free :D**

**The second part WILL be up later...I hope you liked this one anyway...**

**Thoughts? Come on you know what to do by now....!!**

**LOVE YOU ALL**

**.S. x x x x x**


	21. Happy Birthday Edward Part Two

**Bonne Nuit 8D!**

**Here is part two of Edward's Birthday....It will be a mix of different POVs this time just to add a bit of variety that and the fact that Bella had a HELL of a lot to say last chapter :D.**

**I must ask you not to HATE me again...I said I knew what I was doing and I do so please if you like AML please keep an open-mind LOL thanks so much.**

**I do NOT own Twilight or its characters – I own AML 8D**

**That's it from me....LET'S PARTY!**

*~Bella~*

I walked back downstairs to find Alice and Rosalie in the kitchen with Emmett and Jasper, Alice turned to look at me..I put up a hand.

"It's okay, Alice...He is coming down...Well at least he WAS going to come down" I stated...Alice burrowed her eyebrows.

"What do you mean...WAS?" Alice asked.

"Jessica Stanley turned up as I was walking out"

Emmett and Jasper cooed and gave each other high-fives.

"Eddie-boy is starting early" Emmett guffawed as Jasper took a swig of his drink.

"Emmett...Honestly" Rosalie sighed rolling her eyes at him.

I shifted around on the spot.

"You look great by the way, Bella" Jasper said and I looked up to smile at him.

"Thank you, Jasper"

"Well we can't do much without the birthday boy...At least not the games" Alice moaned and I shrugged..._Whatever Edward was doing he better hope it doesn't take too long as Alice was going to kill him....If not him then something else._

"Hey, Bella...Are you wishing for your name to be pulled out at 'Rated X'?" Emmett teased and I shot him a look.

"Why would anyone want to get picked out at random to kiss Edward?" Rosalie said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Bella's already had round one" Emmett said...If I could hit a person I would do it in that moment.

"What?!" Alice gasped and Rosalie stifled a laugh. "You ACTUALLY kissed him when I asked him to explain kissing to you the other day?"

I felt the blush rise again...._If I haven't said it before, I hate my blush._

"Why the hell would you ask Edward to teach Bella how to kiss...What about me or Jasper?" Emmett said...Jasper cleared his throat...Clearly not liking the idea of having to kiss me I didn't blame him – I wouldn't kiss me either.

"Why would you get Edward to teach Bella ANYTHING, Alice?" Rosalie asked...I backed away slightly hoping to go unnoticed.

"I didn't know that they were actually going to kiss...Bella honestly you amaze me"! Alice chimed Jasper put his hand on her shoulder indicating for her to stop but she didn't take the hint.

"Oh my god...That means that Edward is your first kiss!" Rosalie finished.

That did it for me...I ran out of the room and through the crowds of people and reached the door...I walked out into the night and turned to the right side of the house...Making my way towards the garden...Before I got to the main garden there was a small bench...Instead of walking on more grass in these heels I went over on the bench and sat on it...Running my hands carefully through my hair...Not wanting to get any of it out of place...I wasn't going to cry – I didn't regret kissing Edward and I was glad that he had showed me as I no longer feared kissing anyone...I didn't want it to get out and I couldn't be more upset with Emmett right now. I looked down at my shoes and panted a few times trying to release the anger in my body.

"Bella?" I looked up at the sound of my name and saw Jasper looking down at me...I looked back down at my feet.

"I am not here to make fun of you...Bella....I wanted to see if you are alright" Jasper stated...I looked back up at him. He smiled comfortingly. "Are you okay?"

I nodded slowly.

"Can I sit with you for a second?" He asked me...I looked up at him again.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to the party?" I asked him....He chuckled lightly.

"No...Alice said that there is nothing to do as we wait for Edward" he stated.

"Okay you can sit down"

"Thank you"

Jasper sat next to me...I looked back down at my feet shuffling my feet around in the grass underneath them.

"So you met Jessica, huh?"Jasper asked.

"Not officially...It was only a sight thing and if Edward hadn't said hello to her then I wouldn't have known who she was"

"Oh right...Got ya"

"She's pretty though" I said

"Is she? I haven't really looked"

I laughed a little under my breath "I should have known...You only have eyes for Alice"

"That I do" he answered with a small smile.

"Jasper...Can you see a future with Alice?"

"Why you want to kiss me too?" he teased

I looked down at my feet again...."Jesus sorry Bella, bad joke...Yes I have always been able to see a future with her..My mum loves her as well"

"It must be nice for her to be so accepted into your world...What if she was someone who you didn't hang around with or associate yourself with...Would you change your mind?"

"Why do you ask me that, Bella?"

I shivered under the slightly chilly night air..."If I tell you do you promise not to say anything to Alice?"

"Yes, sure Bella" he answered...I flinched suddenly as I felt a coat around my shoulders...I placed an arm on one side of the coat and pulled it forwards to fit my back better . "Thank you...Well erm....Mike...Mike Newton...He asked me out today" I said

"Ah now I see what you mean...Well that is a good thing Bella"

"I don't know whether it was officially 'going out' or whether he just wanted to go to the cinema or to dinner or something..." I trailed off.

"It's a date...Guys only really ask girls to go on a date when they like them...Mike is not a player and he seems pretty genuine from what I know of him. What's stopping you?"

"I don't know" I answered.

"Bella I am sorry for asking you this but....Do you by any chance feel anything for Edward?"

I nearly swung my fist around to hit him with it...I was not one who liked accusations...I couldn't bring myself to hit Jasper though like his girlfriend's family he was too nice.

"No Jasper" I said frankly.

"Okay then" he answered...I was thankful that he didn't push me afterwards...Jasper knew when to be quiet.

A huge roar of cheers came from the house as both I and Jasper turned to the sound of the noise...Jasper laughed lightly.

"Sounds like Edward has finally made an appearance" he stated. "Come on Bella let's get back." He said holding his hand out to me..I took it and stood up...Jasper tightened his grip around my hand as we began to walk back to the house.

We had got back to the driveway when I stopped in my tracks forcing Jasper to stop too...Mike was standing on the drive with a small bunch of flowers in both of his hands.

"I will leave you to it, Bella..Keep the coat" Jasper said as he released my hand and walked to the front door...I heard it close and then I moved closer to Mike.

"How long have you been out here, Mike?" I asked him.

"Not long...I wanted to give you these" he handed the bouquet out to me...I had never received flowers before...I smelled them and looked up at Mike.

"I don't know what to say, Mike other than the fact that they are beautiful" I choked.

"You're welcome...I wanna try something with you Bella, will you let me?" he asked...I nodded not caring about what it was he wanted to try I had felt so good after receiving his flowers that I wouldn't care what he asked for.

Mike moved closer to me slowly...his head leaned in closer and I closed my eyes...Mike's lips connected with my own...I parted my mouth and took him in a little more...Mike moaned a little and wrapped his hands in my hair tentatively...I grabbed the flowers with one hand and placed them at one of my sides...I used the free hand to caress one of his cheeks...When our tongues connected I did not have the same feeling as I did when Edward had done it..._Why the hell was that?_ I attempted to swirl my tongue around Mike's in the same way as I had done Edward's hoping to gain some of the feelings I had when I kissed him...Mike took it as an indication of need and attacked my mouth even more...I pulled away from him abruptly and felt the tears fill my eyes...

"Bella baby what's the matter?" Mike asked me as he stroked my hair.

"Sorry I am just a little overwhelmed" I choked out...Mike wrapped his arms around me.

"It's okay Bella...I am here...I will take care of you" Mike attempted to soothe me but it was all pointless...Would I be able to kiss anyone in the same way as Edward or was I truly fucked up enough to think that my own brother was the best kisser in the world.

_Oh my god.....I needed to talk to someone and fast!_

*~Alice~*

"Finally you decide to make an appearance" I told Edward sternly as he entered the kitchen with Jessica on his arm.

"Sorry Alice...We got a little distracted" Jessica said through fits of girly giggles..._Ugh Gag-Alert._

"I am sure you were...We can't do 'Rated X' without you so grab the hat from the living room cabinet and get started" I demanded at Edward not wanting to look at Jessica.

Jasper came back inside through the front door and smiled at me...I wrapped my arms around him as he crouched to hug me.

"You okay, baby?" I whispered to him.

"I left Bella with Mike outside" Jasper said...I pulled apart from his chest to look at him.

"Mike Newton?"

"Yes...He had a small bouquet of flowers for her"

"Aw well...That's kind of sweet...We need her for 'Rated X' though" I said to Jasper as I hopped off of the stool...I got to the curtains to the living room and opened them just a tiny bit and glanced out onto the driveway...Bella was in an embrace with Mike, her back to me but he seemed to look like he was comforting her in some way...I wouldn't be interrupting anything if I went out there now.

I ran out onto the driveway ignoring the cold as it hit me and rushed over to Bella...Mike had caught my glance and pulled Bella away from his chest and turned her to look at me. Bella's eyes were puffy.

"Bella we are playing 'Rated X' now..." I said...She sniffed and nodded, I took her hand and she walked with me...I didn't look to see whether Mike was following...We walked into the front door...Esme and Carlisle came over.

"Alice I don't think that you should play this game with everyone else around...Bella my goodness are you alright?" Esme said to me before she noticed Bella.

"Okay mom that's fine..Come on, Bella" I said to her as I took her hand and led her upstairs we were stopped in our tracks by Edward.

"Alice...Whoa what's happened?" Edward noticed Bella..._Jesus maybe if I could get a chance to talk to her then maybe I would find out!_

"Edward...I am going to talk to Bella alone for a bit we will be back down" I said attempting to walk past Edward he wasn't moving.

"Alice this is my party and I won't have my sister upset" he said with a look at Bella.

"Edward, please?" I pleaded....He was still for a moment before moving out the way...I literally ran up the stairs and went into my room...I closed the door and took Bella onto the bed with me still holding her hand.

"Bella...I want to ask you why the hell Mike Newton is here but you are more important right now...Please tell me what's wrong" I asked her...She shook her head "Bella you have helped me and now I need to help you"

"I'm sorry Alice...I invited him, I will take the blame...You can't help...It's all me and my stupid fault" Bella choked out.

"What do you mean?" I probed.

"Mike kissed me" she said....I exhaled slowly.

"Wow he didn't waste any time then" I said "What's wrong with that?"

"It didn't feel the same"

"What do you mean?"

"I tried...I tried but it wasn't the same"

"What wasn't the same, Bella?"

"The kiss....It was different"

"Bella you have to tell me what happened from the beginning otherwise I am going to go mad" I exclaimed...Bella drew in a breath and looked up at me.

"I kissed Edward last night and I kissed Mike just now...It wasn't the same"

"So what you're saying is....You preferred Edward's kissing to Mike's?"

Bella nodded....._I knew it!! Alice you have a choice now...you can ask her what you want to ask or you can lie and make her feel better._

"That's natural, Bella" I said hearing the lie come out of my mouth....I couldn't do that to Bella...I couldn't tell her the truth because I didn't want her to be upset by it.

"Really"? She said

"Yeah...When you have your first kiss it can do things to your head that you can't control and so you believe that you will never find another one better" I explained.

"Oh I see...Well that makes sense. I just wish I would have enjoyed it the same way that Mike did" Bella said...I pulled her into a hug and kissed her head.

"It's okay Bella...You will enjoy them you just need to give it time" I stated and Bella nodded under my touch.

Bella got out of my grasp and walked out of my room without another word I was left sitting on the bed...I wasn't alone for long when Rosalie came in.

"Alice...What happened? Is Bella okay?" She asked as she came and sat beside me.

"I have this feeling..Rose I have a feeling and I don't think it is going to go away"

"What Alice?" Rose asked.

"You have to promise to keep this between us two"

"I swear"

"I think both Bella and Edward are with the wrong people...I think that may be the ones that should fall in love with each other"

Rosalie gawked at me as I bit my lip...I explained myself fully with Rose taking in every word.

*~Edward~*

After Bella and Alice had left me on tenterhooks at the bottom of the stairs I gawked over at Mike Newton...How the hell had he had the courage to show his face...I am sure that neither Alice, Rose or Bella would have invited him and Jasper, Emmett and I wouldn't give him the time of day. I pranced over to him.

"Newton why are you here?" I confronted him at the front door...Mike cleared his throat.

"Bella invited me"

"Really...Why is it that she is upstairs crying after being outside with you...What did you do to my sister, Newton?" I said my voice raising.

"I didn't do anything to her...I am not going until Bella says so...So if that is what you have come to say to me then don't waste your time"

"This is MY party, Newton and I don't want you here...What do you have to say about that?" I was angry now...I could feel my blood boiling and my fists had tense up at my sides...I didn't want to do this to Bella and I knew that she would frown on it because she was so godamn selfless. Mike turned and walked over to the other side of the living room.

"ANSWER ME, NEWTON" I yelled.

"EDWARD"! I turned my head to see Bella at the foot of the stairs...I almost lost my balance when I saw the look on her face. She stormed towards me and grabbed my arm...Opening the front door and pulling me outside...I almost fell down the stairs..I hobbled onto the gravel and turned back round to face her.

"What is your problem"? Bella demanded.

"My problem? Bella why is he here...At MY party"? I said quietly..Although I desperately wanted to raise my voice.

"I invited him"

"Why did you do that?"

"Is that why you are really angry, Edward all over a silly thing like Mike being here?"

"Yes"

"So what do you want to do...Blame me...Tell me that I have ruined your party...Go on, Edward say it...I want you to...Tell me how disappointed you are in your sister"

"Bella don't be ridiculous...I think no such thing"

"So now I am ridiculous...Edward let me make something perfectly clear...Who I date and who I spend my time with is none of your business"

"Bella I just want to protect you"

"By yelling at my boyfriend....If that is protection Edward then I don't want it anymore"

"Boyfriend...It's official then?"

"You and Jessica are official and so are me and Mike...We have made our choices"

"Mike Newton...Really?"

"Jessica Stanley...Really?"

"Let me guess, you didn't like her?"

"You don't like Mike...Why should I stick my head on the line and be nice to Jessica...Likeness has to work both ways, Edward" Bella said.

"Yeah it does...But Bella I don't think I can....I don't think I can like Mike"

"What the hell has he EVER done to you?" Bella yelled

"Bella...Listen-"

"NO EDWARD YOU LISTEN, YOU ARE SO FULL OF BULLSHIT YOU GO ON ABOUT BEING A GOOD BROTHER AND WANTING TO HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH ME BUT AS SOON AS I MAKE MY OWN CHOICE YOU SUDDENLY CHANGE YOUR MIND...IT'S OKAY FOR YOU TO SUCK-FACE WITH A GIRL THAT OTHER PEOPLE MAY NOT LIKE BUT IT ISN'T OKAY FOR ME...WE LIVE IN A REAL WORLD EDWARD AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE MIKE THEN YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE HE IS HERE TO STAY"

I cut Bella off by striding towards her and grabbing her shoulders...She wriggled violently in an attempt to get away.

"Get the FUCK off of me, Edward"! I had never heard Bella swear before and I didn't like it.

"Bella...Please?" I pleaded.

"LET GO OF ME" she yelled...I pulled her into my chest..She punched her hands against my chest and continued to pull violently against me...She managed to pull away from me and before I could say or do anything else...She slapped me around the face the pain reaching my cheek instantly...It hurt..I am not going to deny it.

"HEY"! I looked over at Jessica standing there, Bella had also turned.

"Oh here comes the Calvary" Bella yelled sarcastically..._Shit this can't be good._

Jessica had run over to Bella..Jessica punched her hard across the eye...I grabbed Jessica and pulled her away...Bella was on the floor placing a hand on her eye.

"Who the hell do you think you are hitting my boyfriend!" Jessica yelled as she pulled against me...There was no one to call for help and there was no one who would be able to hear me.

"She's my sister!" I yelled into Jessica's ear as she stilled her movements..She looked at me stunned.

"Oh fuck!"Jessica gasped...I let go of her as she knelt to help Bella up. "I am so sorry...I just reacted-"

"Get the fuck off of me" Bella said as she crawled away from Jessica and stood up...She said nothing else as she walked into the house. I was left with Jessica...We both walked back to the house...the atmosphere between us now so godamn awkward.

*~Jasper~*

Either I was going completely mad or Alice had been very distant with me all night...We had hugged once and we hadn't kissed...It's not that I was OBSEESED with doing those things with Alice it just that there seemed to be something bothering her.

"Jasper are you going up to see Alice?" Esme asked me as I was about to climb the stairs

"Yes" I answered her.

"Would you tell her that Carlisle and I are taking the OLDER people and going out, please?"

"Sorry Esme if we are misbehaving..-"

"No you're not at all we just feel that it would be inappropriate to leave you young'ns to it" Esme said and I smiled at her.

"Of course I will tell her Esme, you and Carlisle have a good night"

"We will Jasper...Thank you" Esme walked away and out of the front door...I carried on up the stairs and into Alice's room...She was there on her bed with her head in her hands. I ran over to her and knelt in front of her.

"Alice sweetheart, what is it?" I asked

"It's nothing, Jasper" Alice said into her hands...She wasn't looking at me and I knew that something was definitely wrong.

"Alice I know when you are lying...Please baby tell me, I will help you"

"Jasper...I can't"

"Yes you can Alice, please tell me?"

"I want to..."

"Then why won't you?"

Alice took her hands off her face...

"You are going to hate me, Jasper"

I stroked her face..."Alice I would never hate you...It's not possible"

"I was going to tell you tomorrow..."

"I can wait..."

"No I need to say it...I won't be able to sleep"

"Okay"

Alice took a deep breath...She took my hand and kissed it lovingly..."I love you so much, Jasper...I don't want to lose you"

My heart almost broke in two...I took my hand out of hers and placed both of them on her face...I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers..Alice responded with fervour as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"Jazz" she said as she pulled her lips away from mine "I won't be able to explain if you keep doing that" she said...I pushed my lips back to hers and moved my hands from her cheeks to her chest...Rubbing both her breasts.

"Let me make it go away, Alice" I whispered into her ear reaching behind her to the zip of her body-hugging dress.

"Jazz...Please?" Alice pleaded.

"Tell me, Alice...Tell me how to help you?" I attacked her neck as she moved her head back to give me more access.

"No Jasper I need you to stop!" she demanded...I pulled myself away from her to look at her face.

"I am sorry, Alice"

"Never be sorry for wanting to do that Jasper...I am not rejecting you because I will always want you and you know that I just need you to listen to me for a minute"

I took her hand and pulled it into mine and nodded.

"Jasper...I'm pregnant"

I swear to God if it were possible then my heart would have stopped...I gaped at her my mouth wide open.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Jasper, it was the night you didn't use anything and I said I was on the pill...I WAS on the pill and I wasn't lying to you I just forgot to take it"

"God Alice" I buried my head in my hands.

"I am so sorry, Jasper....I screwed up and I know it is all my fault" she said.

I looked back up at her. "I needed you Jasper...I needed to feel all of you and then I got home and all that stuff with Bella blew up and I had to sort it out" she added

"Alice...I am not going to lie to you and say that what you did was silly...But you were under a lot of stress and I knew how upset you were about Bella...Are you sure?"

"Yes...There is another thing....I want to keep it"

"Alice...You do realise that we are too young to be parents right now" I stated

"Yes...But I want to give you a child, Jasper"

"There is plenty of time for babies, Alice"

"What if there isn't?"

"There will be"

"Jasper I need this...I want you and me to have a family"

"Well...Will you give me the weekend to think about it"

"Jasper...Please?"

"I am not leaving you sweetheart I just need to think about this...Please baby will you let me do that?"

Alice nodded...I kissed her again and said I would text her later...I walked out of the room and out of the house without another word...I climbed into my car and drove away.

_I had a lot of thinking to do._

*~Bella~*

I had completely forgotten the time...I had been lying in my room since my confrontation with Edward...If this was usual at parties then I am glad I have never been to one. I was so angry with Edward right now...I couldn't face him. I massaged my dry throat and got up...My eye was throbbing like hell...I walked over to the door.

I saw Jessica pass the door...She looked at me and then hurried into Edward's room...I scowled a little at the closed door and made my way downstairs.

Rosalie had a black bin bag in her hand as she was picking up various bits of rubbish and the rest of the food that hadn't been eaten...I stopped on the way down unfortunately I had stepped on a creak in the floorboard.._Shit!_

Rosalie looked up at me...There were a few seconds before she realised the state of my eye.

"Bella...What the fuck!" she gasped dropping the bag and walking over to me.

"Rose...Please I just need some ice...I will explain everything"

Rose nodded and took my arm...She sat me down on the kitchen chair and went to the freezer underneath the fridge she pulled out a bag of peas and came back to me placing the bag lightly on my eye...I flinched at the sting but welcomed the coldness straight afterwards.

"It was Jessica" I said

"Wait till I get my hands on her!"

"No Rose please it's nothing like that...I was fighting with Edward and I hit him"

"You what?"

"I didn't mean to...He was annoying me and I lashed out...I couldn't help it...I felt bad afterwards but Jessica saw me and she didn't know who I was and hit me because I hit Edward...Edward told her that I was his sister and she tried to apologise"

"Do you want to talk about it...The fight?"

"No maybe tomorrow Rose"

"Okay no problem"

I smiled at her in thanks...My eye was going numb and I was enjoying it. "What happened to Mike?"

"Emmett saw him...Took him home"

"He didn't have a go at him did he?"

"No...Emmett would have told me if he had, Bella"

"I am sorry, Rose I shouldn't have invited him"

"You don't need to apologise Bella"

"Where's Emmett?"

"He hasn't been feeling too good so I sent him up to bed...I then came down to tidy up a little and then you came down"

"Oh right...Great party eh?"

Rose giggled and took the bag off of my face...She analysed my eye.

"That's going to look nasty in the morning...Don't worry Alice and I will cover it up as best we can" she stated

"Thank you Rose"

Rosalie put the bag back in the freezer...The sound of car wheels hitting the gravel on the driveway caused us both to look at each other.

"Oh my god" I breathed out.

"Come on" Rosalie grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me out of the kitchen and up the stairs...We both got into my room.

"Bella is it okay if I sleep in here with you?" Rose said.

"Of course" I replied...Grateful that I had a near escape with Carlisle and Esme.

I was dreading tomorrow....

This had to be one of the worst nights of my life...

I felt so drained.

*~Edward~*

"Baby...Are you okay?" Jess cooed into my ear as we both lay on my bed.

"No" I answered.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No"

"Are you sure?"

"Jess, please...I just need to sleep"

Jess said nothing else as she turned in my bed to face the wall...I closed my eyes.

I felt so bad....I fucked up again....FUCK FUCK and more FUCK!

I don't know what I was going to do about Bella now....!!

**Okay that is it...!! I have intentionally not gone into a lot of detail as a) I am knackered and b) I wanted to get to the dialogue of AML more..I am sorry in advance if people are disappointed.**

**Chapters from now on will not be as happy as they have been before...This party is the turning-point in AML.**

**I will update at some point tomorrow...Please tell me how you are liking this story so far now it has hit the chapter 20 mark with a REVIEW!**

**Thanks for your support.**

**.S.**

**X x x x**


	22. The Aftermath

**A huge THANK YOU to the positive feedback the last two chapters :D I was SO tired when I finished both of them although I do LOVE how Ed and B are completely fucked up...It sounds horrible but I had fun writing an angry Bella :D.**

**Thank you for the nickname...'Rawwwr' you little Scot-Sweetie I LOVE IT! X**

**Another thank you to everyone who has already decided or will be deciding to add this story to their favourites...I only hope that more people on here have the extra little push to update their first fanfics...If anyone needs any kind of help with a fanfic then they can always ask me and I will try and help you as best I can...Keep that it mind because I know what it's like to get writer's block but also to not have an idea at all ****.**

**That's my little rant over with.....I do not own twilight, I OWN AML (I LOVE saying that now!))**

**LEMON near to the end of the chapter – (Sorry it is not the lemon you are all waiting for ****)**

*~Bella~*

I stirred around groggily in bed not liking the enhanced heat from both mine and Rosalie's bodies...I looked down underneath the covers and saw that I was still dressed in my party clothes...I groaned and got out of bed (which had been surprisingly easy considering I was still in heels) Rosalie was still asleep... I crept over to my bathroom.

The only things that were evident on my usual pale face were my dark circles habituating underneath my eyes and my panda-looking black eye...._How the hell was I going to explain this to anyone else._ I turned on the tap in the sink and splashed my face with cold water to wake myself up fully...I then walked back into my room and glanced at the clock on my bedside table....It was eight-thirty.

I took off my heels and replaced them with a pair of fluffy socks...I didn't care that they didn't 'go' with the outfit I would rather wear them than have to trudge downstairs in heels again it was bad enough last night and I had the blisters now to prove it. I opened the door to my room and walked down the stairs...I edged slowly towards the living room windows and glanced out...Edward's, Alice's, Emmett's and Carlisle's cars were all still here...I didn't see Jasper's however and I made a mental note to ask Alice about that later....I needed to see someone though and I wondered if Carlisle would be in his office...Fair enough I was taking a huge step here and also Carlisle could end up being mad at me for my behaviour and to also frown on my behaviour for allowing myself to get hurt and not defending myself...I don't know what to think frankly because I would end up being a babbled mess.

I walked down the familiar corridor to Carlisle's office...I knocked on the door twice and then entered...Carlisle was scanning through his bookshelf at the back of his desk...His back to me...I walked towards him slowly and sat down on the empty chair...He still hadn't turned round to find me...I placed my hands on my lap.

Carlisle had turned and caught my glance he jumped dropping the large book that he had to hold with both of his hands...It landed with a crash on the floor.

"I am sorry, Carlisle" I said as he ignored the book on the floor and walked around the desk to hold my face in his hands.

"Bella what the hell happened to you?" He asked as he tilted my head from one side to another.

"Carlisle please don't panic...Please don't be angry with me, either...I will explain"

"Bella I would never be angry at you unless you gave me a good enough reason to...Besides there is no way you could have done this to yourself"

"I didn't"

"I need to check this out, Bella...I will go and get my bag" Carlisle started to walk away from me.

"No dad...Please wait"! I called out to him...He halted in his tracks and turned to look at me his face full of astonishment.

"What?" I asked him

"You called me dad"

"Yeah....You are my dad" I answered tears filling up my eyes at his genuine shock for me calling him dad. "I'm sorry if you don't want me to-"

"Bella I have been waiting for the time for you to call me that...I knew that when you said it that I would be happy and now what I'm feeling is...Indescribable" Carlisle walked back towards me as he was talking...He knelt in front of the chair so that both of our heads were the same height.

"Okay Bella I will let you explain but can you at least let me go and get you something to put on your eye?" Carlisle asked and I nodded...He smiled at me lightly and then left.

Carlisle was only gone for about a minute or so when he came back with the same bag of frozen peas that Rosalie had put on my eye last night...._Coincidence I think not._ He went back to his kneeling position in front of me...I leaned forward slightly so he could put the bag on my eye...I flinched again at the coldness as Carlilse held the bag up to my face.

"I got into a fight...With Edward" I stated.

"Edward did this?"

"No...Oh god no...We had a really bad argument...Edward was upset that I invited Mike Newton last night...I confronted him about it...I can't really remember what was said all I know was that I shouted...A lot. I remember slapping him around the face and then Jessica saw me – Now that she and Edward are official she thought that I was a stranger hitting him she, in an attempt to protect Edward then hit me and that's all that happened...I think"

"So Jessica did this....Jessica Stanley?"

"I don't want to be a snitch, Carlisle and I don't want to think about it anymore...She didn't know who I was until Edward told her after she hit me...She tried to apologise but I wasn't having any of it...I just saw red and I can't imagine the things I must have said...It was all spur of the moment"

"Bella everyone has a right to be angry sometimes-"

"Yes but the sensible ones don't go around hitting people, do they?"

"Sometimes it can't be helped...It was bound to happen Bella"

"What me hitting Edward?"

Carlisle chuckled "No I meant you getting angry...You have been both calm and upset since you have lived here and every person goes through other emotions...You are now in the shock of reacting through anger...I wouldn't worry Bella it is natural"

"I can't help thinking that it's not"

"That's because of the way you are...You have morals for someone so young and it was against your character to lash out at Edward...I can probably imagine how shocked he was but he shouldn't have stood by and watch his 'girlfriend' hit you...That was unfair"

"Please don't be mad at him, Carlisle...He has been ever so nice to me since the last incident and I know that it was wrong of BOTH of us to act that way...I just don't want to see him suffer"

"I will have to talk to him, Bella...As a father it is my right but I won't punish him...I need to hear his side of the story first before I can make a decision"

I nodded...Carlisle removed the bag from my face...he looked at it and cringed.

"This must have been some hit, Bella...Are you in pain?"

"It just feels bruised"

"It will do...Luckily I have some ointment to cool the inflammation down...Your eye hasn't gone completely black and blue yet but you're lucky it has swollen it could have been a lot worse than this"

"Thank you"

"So do you want to tell me about Mike Newton?" Carlisle asked me as he stood up and walked around his desk..He put the bag of peas down on the top and opened one of the drawers.

"I'm....We're.....He and I...-"

Carlisle picked up a small tube and looked at me "You do not have to tell me, Bella if it makes you feel uncomfortable"

"No....It's bound to come out and considering the fact that Edward hates him then it will be local knowledge soon enough. Mike and I are kind of going out"

Carlisle smiled as he walked back round and knelt in front of me again taking the lid off of the tube and pouring some onto his index finger...he held his finger up to my eye. "This is going to sting some, Bella...If you want me to stop then tell me" I nodded.

Carlisle dabbed his finger on to my eye...A burning sensation going through my eye and straight to the back of my head...I cried out a little yelp of pain and Carlisle stopped his movements...I nodded at him to continue. After a few more dabs the pain had subsided...Leaving the usual feeling of cream on a part of your body...You know it's there but you can't touch it.

"Okay...It should be okay now. So what do you mean by you and Mike are 'kinda' dating"? Carlisle asked as he put the lid back onto the tube and reached over to put it on his desk...He brought his hand back to join the other on his lap.

"It's complicated...I don't think it is set in stone...I am feeling things that I shouldn't"

"You are?"

_Yeah the fact that I kissed your son and I haven't been able to get it out of my head for the past couple of nights and now when I kiss my new boyfriend I am not shall we say..Fulfilled...I can't tell Carlisle that as much as I loved him I didn't want him to think I was disgusting because I was picturing my adopted brother's lips on mine every minute of every day. Ugh..Help!_

"Yeah...I guess it's just nerves or something"

"Would make sense...You haven't had a boyfriend before have you?"

"How do you know that?"

" I am a doctor, Bella...But I can also read people...I personally think it's a shame you haven't had some love in your life."

"Everyone has said that" I moaned

"It's true...You're just a nice person, Bella and any young man would be lucky to...How do you kids say it..snap you up" I giggled a little at Carlisle's attempts to talk 'teenager'.

"I don't know"

"I know what you are going to say...I am your dad and I am biased...But believe me, Bella...You had me at 'Hello'" I giggled louder this time..._Quoting Jerry Maguire...Smooth but also a little weird._

"Right"

"So are you scared about developing your relationship with Mike?"

"Dad...You aren't going to have the birds and the bees talk with me are you?"

"Oh god no.... I don't need to do that, Bella....I meant you are scared about fully making that commitment by saying 'I love you'"

"I don't know whether I do love him, though"

"You aren't supposed to after a short amount of time...Love is gradual it takes time"

"How can someone my age be in love...Don't you have to be older?"

"Love can hit someone at any time, Bella...It is unexpected and it throws you off course but it's an amazing feeling to know that the person you love can love you back"

"I guess so...Is it okay if I date Mike?"

"Right...You have watched films where father disapprove of a young woman's boyfriend and then have to prove to him that they are worthy of their daughter's right?"

"You know far too much, dad"

"It comes from experience...Bella I have no problem with you dating Mike Newton I just need you to be careful that's all"

"I will"

"And I believe you"

"So are you not at work today?"

"No...Day off...But there is always things that need to be done, here...Like kicking my son's arse for example"

"Dad...Please don't"

"I am kidding, Bella...You need to learn to be less selfless as well...Selflessness is a quality that people never fail to recognise and target you know? Usually I would say embrace it but sometimes you can be too concerned with the vision behind the rose tinted glasses that you can't see anyone's true colours"

"I can try...I am so confused right now I can see myself changing and I don't know whether I like it, dad"

"Will you tell me what else is bothering you?"

"I can't dad...I will in my own time...I need to get my OWN head around it all first and then maybe I will share it"

"Okay...Well take this with you" Carlisle reached for the tube and handed it to me...I took it...I wrapped my arm around Carlisle's shoulders...He wrapped his arms tight around me.

"I love you, dad"

"I love you too my darling girl" We pulled apart and I got out of the chair and walked out of his

office.

*~Rosalie~*

I woke to find Bella's side of the bed empty...The bathroom light wasn't on so I imagined that she must have gone downstairs...I couldn't get over what a night Bella had..What kind of night we all had...None of us had been drinking and yet we went through the same shit that parties have when there IS alcohol involved...I tossed over to place my feet on the floor...I couldn't bare to face going into the bathroom and looking at the wreck that I knew was my reflection...I ran a few fingers through my knotty hair as I stood upright nearly tumbling in my heels I still had on from last night. Guessing that Bella wasn't going to be back for a few minutes I made my way up to Emmett's room taking careful steps as not to wake anyone else up who may have been still sleeping.

I opened his bedroom door and walked in...He was laying down on the bed...His face looking at the ceiling and his eyes closed...His arms were sprawled out on either side of him..I smiled at him as sudden unexpected tears filled my eyes...If I didn't know I was in love with him already then this would be the indication of the fact that I had fallen for him...Everything that he was belonged to me and I was so bloody grateful that I was his...I would always be his and there would be no one else..We were two pieces of a jigsaw and with other pieces we would never fit.

I walked over him and leaned my body over his without touching the bed...I ran my fingers through his hair...Emmett stirred under my touch but did not wake.

I leaned down further and attached my lips to his...Not caring that I looked bad and that I felt overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't name...I kissed him with as much love as I could..I felt his lips vibrate under my own I parted my mouth and caressed his tongue with mine once before breaking the contact...The tears that had threatened to fall from my face had already escaped...Emmett's eyes fluttered open.

"Rose?"He said his voice husky

"SSh" I replied putting one of my index fingers on his lips "I just want to be with you, Emmett" I finished as I wrapped my lips around his again...He shifted to the other side of the bed without breaking our contact and allowing me to climb in which I happily did.

I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled myself into his body as much as I could welcoming the warmth from both his body and the duvet as we continued to kiss each other passionately. He stroked my hair with one hand whilst the other rested on our stomach. I wasn't interested in sex right now...Being with him was more than enough I broke apart our lips and snuggled into his neck...He kissed my forehead and then the top of my head lovingly as I lay in the warm cocoon of his arms.

"Baby...Are you ok?" He asked me in a soothing voice.

"Yes it's just been a funny week that's all"

"Is there anything I can do to help you sweetheart...You only have to say"

I kissed the side of his neck and settled my head further into the crook. "No...I just want to stay here for a bit"

"You can stay here for as long as you want" Emmett said and wrapped his arms further around me.

I was glad that Emmett didn't want to take me...We could be together without having each other and that was one of the many things I loved about Emmett he understood when I needed to have time to just snuggle and he was always a great teddy bear.

I thought about Alice and Jasper as I lay in the silence...They were going to the next stages of their relationship and I felt for them...Fear more than anything else...They belonged together and I knew that Alice was going to tell him today I just hoped that he would be a gentleman about the whole thing and maybe have time to accept her...I will admit there are times when we all want to strangle Alice but I loved her immensely like I would if I had a sister of my own and I just prayed inside that her and Jasper would get through today and out of the other end...They both deserved a bit more happiness in their lives as they each brought happiness to so many others.

*~Bella~*

When I had entered my room again after speaking with Carlisle...Rosalie had gone from the bed she must have gone to see Emmett and I didn't blame her considering that she had told me that he hadn't been well...I went into the bathroom and took off the dress gazing at it before hanging it over the bath..._No way will you be going to another party in a hurry, Bella._ I turned the shower on and stepped in allowing the warm water to soothe my drained body...I took my time in the shower today as I had no where else to be and I figured I wouldn't have to make that much of an effort on the appearance front.

Once I finished I wrapped a towel around myself and used the small hand towel to wipe the mirror on my bathroom cabinet...All I could see was my black eye...A constant reminder of the way I had acted with Edward...I felt bad that I went off on him like I did but I think for the first time we were BOTH equally to blame...He hadn't hurt me without me hurting him back and I knew we would have to talk at some point about it...Just not when Jessica was around she would just make everything more awkward and I couldn't deal with anymore awkwardness it was bad enough thinking about the kiss Edward and I had shared as well as keeping Alice's secret...I snapped suddenly and realised that Alice's pregnancy test was still in my bin...I walked over and took it out thankful that I had cleaned it and wrapped it in toilet roll...I grabbed some more tissue and wrapped it around the test...I would have to keep it in my pocket today in case Esme went through my bins.

I dried my hair and put makeup on to cover the extent of the colour blue on my eye...I got changed in simple jeans and a sweater and popped the pregnancy test into the pocket of my jeans at the side...I would have to find a way to get rid of it...that was one task for the day.

I tidied up my things and stepped out into the corridor...I made my way to Alice's room to find out if she was okay...I opened the door which had been ajar and Alice was on her bed...Lying down and looking up at the ceiling she peered over at me when she heard her door close and I smiled as I made my way over to her.

"Hey" I said softly

"Hi Bella boo" she answered...Emmett had obviously given her the list of his new nicknames for me when they were together at the party last night. I knelt beside her head and leant my side into the bed itself so Alice was looking at me from side-view.

"How are you feeling"? I asked her

"I told Jasper"

"You did?"

"Yeah...Last night...He took it better than I thought he would but I could tell he was battling with his true emotions about how he feels about this situation"

"Well...You couldn't expect him to be angry with you because Jasper is not that kind of person but you couldn't have expected him to be doing cartwheels about it either"

"You know what the funny thing is...I don't like Jasper when he is angry and it has happened a few times but it doesn't count to much considering how long we have been together...Last night I wanted him to be angry at me, he was trying to soothe and comfort me and I have never hated myself so much than it that moment..He was there making me feel better like he always does and then I go and drop this on him"

"Alice..You can't help it...What did he say?" I placed a hand on hers which was covering her stomach.

"He said that he had to leave...He had to go away and think about it"

"That's good, Alice...It means he's thinking about it rather than ranting at you for being silly"

"He was honest...he told me that he thought I was silly forgetting to take my pill but then he said I was under a lot of stress because of what happened with you and he could see how I would have forgotten to take it with a lot being on my mind at the time"

"Alice you do know that he is not leaving you...Don't you?"

"I know inside that he won't but that doesn't help me feeling scared, Bella...I don't want to lose him...I don't want him to hate me" Alice choked new tears trailing down her face.

"Alice-" I grasped her hand tighter "There is no way that Jasper could hate you...I have seen the way he looks at you...You're his world and whatever situation you're in he will try his best to get you out of it...He loves you, Alice much more than I could imagine"

"I love him too Bella...I love him so much that the thought of losing him makes me want to kill myself"

"Don't talk like that, Alice...Me, Rosalie and Jasper we're all here for you do you understand me? You are not alone in this and I don't want you to feel alone....I have been there and it does the most dangerous things with your head"

Alice nodded wiping the tears from her eyes with her free hand.

"Listen how about you take a long hot bath and I will go down and make you some breakfast" I suggested..Alice turned her head to look at me.

"You know you sound like mom sometimes" she stated

"No...I could never be Esme...She's one of a kind like the rest of you Cullen's" Alice giggled lightly at my remark and pulled herself upright and swung her legs round to place them on the floor...I stood up and held out a hand..She took it and got up to standing..She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek.

"You're the best Bella Swan" Alice said "I will take the bath but hold the breakfast" she said and I laughed I should have known that she would begin to feel queasy being pregnant. Alice stroked my cheek before walking out of her room and up to the next floor.

I was about to go too when I caught a glimpse of Alice's cell phone on her bedside table....I picked it up and scrolled through it until I found Jasper's number – Fortunately my mum had owned a mobile so I had got myself up to date with technology as not to look like an idiot when I eventually got one of my own.

I pressed 'call' on Jasper's number and held it up to my ear....It rang four times before he picked it up.

"_Hi Alice"_

"Sorry Jasper...This is Bella"

"_Bella...Hello is everything alright?"_

"Yes Alice is fine it was me who needed to talk to you...Is there any chance that you could meet me here at the house sometime soon?"

"_Sure I can be there in ten minutes if you like?"_

"Thank you that would be great...There's one thing though, Alice doesn't know I am doing this"

*~Esme~*

_Oh no!_

I had gotten up late..!! DAMN alarm clock and DAMN wine last night...I groaned and turned my body over to the coldness of the other side..It was inevitable that Carlisle had already gone down to his office...I also guessed that my children wouldn't be up yet...I didn't want to move...I pulled the covers over my head to block out the daylight from the windows.

"Esme...Sweetheart?" I heard my husband's voice and pulled the covers back over my head...He was sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Sorry darling...I got up late and now I can't move" I said

"That's alright you had a long day yesterday...I brought you some breakfast" he said as he showed me a tray in his hands that he had picked up...I smiled and pushed myself up to sit on my bottom and hitch my legs up to have the tray rest on.

"Thank you" I said to my darling husband as I took the tray from him with both hands and placed it on my lap.

"I have something to tell you, Esme" Carlisle said as I took a sip of tea.

"Okay" I replied

"It's about Bella...She came into my office this morning nursing a black eye"

"She what?" I exclaimed

"It's okay...She is fine...She told me that her and Edward had gotten into a fight"

"What did he do this time?"

"Esme..You need to calm down...Bella doesn't remember most of it but she lashed out at Edward something about her inviting Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley who is now Edward's girlfriend hit Bella because she didn't know who she was"

"Oh no, no, no, no" I said as I placed the tray carefully back down on the bed and flew out of the duvet...I grabbed my robe from behind the door and threw it over myself and tied it up.

"Esme...Where are you going, Angel?" Carlisle asked me his voice full of concern

"I have some relatives to ring...There is no way that Jessica can stay here after she has done that I don't care whether she knew or not...You don't go throwing punches at anyone and especially not at Bella she has been through enough" I said firmly as I swung the door open and literally ran down to Carlisle's office to the phone.

_No chance in hell is anyone going to mess with ANY of my children....They would have to get through me first._

*~Bella~*

I had gotten out the front door without anyone else seeing me...I had left a note to say that I had gone to Port Angeles to have a look at a bookstore...I needed to think of something that Esme and Carlisle were going to believe and that seemed like the closest option. Jasper's car had pulled out into the driveway and I ran towards it as he parked. I climbed in.

"Hi Bella..JESUS what happened to your eye? Is everything ok? Should we go inside?" Jasper greeted me

"No...Would it be okay if we went somewhere quiet I don't know like a park or something..I will explain it there" I asked

"Um..Sure"

"It won't take long, I promise" Jasper nodded and turned the ignition on and drove out of the driveway...I watched my house trail away from my window my stomach suddenly starting its own circus act.

We reached an open landscape area...Jasper parked the car and we both climbed out and began to walk onto the open grass...There were no other people there and there were only the sounds of the birds and very distant humming of traffic.

"So I think I know what this is about..." Jasper said as we began to walk

"I know about Alice"

"I figured as much...She loves you too much to keep anything from you"

"It's not that...I caught her at the time when she had finished the test...She asked me to read it for her but being Alice she knew the answer"

"Yeah she's like that"

"Have you decided what you want to do?"

"I haven't slept all night...I spoke to my mom about it and for the first time in months she smiled...She ACTUALLY smiled. I just can't help but think that we are too young for this"

"Jasper I have seen young parents in England who are aged eleven and as much as I think about how they are throwing their lives down the toilet I see them with their babies in their arms and the look on their faces...It's priceless"

"I want to be with Alice, Bella...I want to have a family with her"

"I know you do...But Jasper she is so scared that you are going to leave her...I have never seen anyone so scared in my life and that is saying something"

"Bella, you know I wouldn't leave her don't you?"

"Yes...I believe that you two will find a way through but you should have seen her describe how much she wanted the baby, Jasper...Yours and her baby and believe me she is ready for it...It's not going to be easy but I will always be there for Alice and so will the rest of us once everyone knows"

"How is that you can know so much, Bella"?

"Going through bad experiences in life kills you at the time but it makes you stronger"

"I can understand that"

"Does your mum accept it, then?"

"She said that she would have liked to have seen me older and settled down properly but my happiness is all that matters to her...She is all I have, Bella"

"I know...I only had my mum too"

Jasper stopped and I stopped to turn myself to face him head-on.

"I want this baby, Bella"

"You do?"

"Yes" He smiled widely "It scares me shitless but I can't live without her, Bella"

"I know...I didn't come here to talk you into anything...I just saw Alice this morning and I needed to see how you were taking things"

"I am so glad you did, Bella....You know when Emmett and Edward first described you I thought they were having me on..I didn't think anyone could be as caring and selfless by my god, Bella I hope to god that one day when Alice and I get married you would be happy to have me as another brother because I sure as hell want you for a sister"

"You're already a brother to me, Jasper" I smiled at him.

"Would it be alright if I hugged you now?"

"Go for it" I said before he pulled me into a hug...I put my head on his chest as he kissed my forehead.

"Are you going to explain about how you got that shiner?" Jasper asked as I pulled away from him.

"I got in a fight"

"Well I gathered that much" Jasper joked and I smiled.

"I was arguing with Edward" I replied as I began to walk again with Jasper in pursuit at my side.

"Ahh Edward again?" Jasper said with sarcasm.

"Yes...It seems like I don't have the best track record with him than I do with the rest of my family"

"You want to tell me what it was about?"

"I can't remember a lot of it...I think it was about Mike...I invited him and Edward got pissed...It all got heated and then he pushed me to the edge and I slapped him...Jessica saw me and she hit me because she was protecting Edward...She had no idea who I was though"

"Jesus so she did it?"

"Yes"

"You know Esme and Carlisle aren't going to be too pleased to hear about that"

"I spoke to Carlisle...Explained everything...I don't know whether he was going to talk to Edward today or not so I have just kept to myself for most of the day"

"That's probably the best thing, Bella"

"I will apologise to him though, Jasper...He is my brother after all"

"He is probably tearing himself up about it...Edward has always had remorse and he has always had a conscience...He is not completely made of stone"

"I know that" I smiled at Jasper and he returned the smile. "So the best thing now is to go home...You need to see Alice"

"Before we go...I just want to say thank you, Bella"

"You're welcome Jasper" I replied....He took my hand as we both headed back towards his car...Alice and Jasper were going to be parents and even though I felt horrible myself...

I couldn't be happier for them....

*~Edward~*

"Fuck" I yelled at the impact of my door hitting the wall...I looked into the blazing eyes of my mother...._Oh fuck me!_

"Where is she?" Mom demanded her breathing heavy....It didn't take me long to figure out who she meant.

"In the bathroom" I said climbing off of the bed...Mom headed to the door and lifted her hand to pound on it "Mum?" I said

"Don't talk to me right now, Edward" she said as she then proceeded to pound on the door.

"Jessica can you come out a minute, please?" Mom's voice was stern and clear but I knew that voice better than anyone...She was clearly biting her cheeks together in order not to yell.

Jessica emerged from the bathroom..._Thank God..._Fully dressed she smiled at my mom.

"Hello Auntie Esme"

"Your parents are here to come and pick you up" my mom informed her.

"Oh I hadn't received a call from them"

"They called here...Said that they want you to have a proper sleep before you go back to school on Monday" _Jesus....Mom was a good liar._

"Okay...Thank you" Jess said as she grabbed her phone off of my bedside table..She leant over and kissed me lightly before walking out of the room without another word..She would text me later.

I was now left staring into the eyes of my mother..._Fuck me...Fuck me hard!_

*~Alice~*

Planting an extra bit of moisturiser on my face...I walked out of the steaming bathroom...I walked down the stairs and back to my room...My heart nearly skipped a beat when I saw Jasper standing there by my bed.

"Jazz?" I asked gobsmacked..."What are you doing here?"

"Close the door, Alice" Jasper answered me lightly...I threw the moisturiser on my bedroom floor and closed the door flicking the lock to make sure that no one other than Bella and Rosalie would enter a conversation that they wouldn't want to here.

I walked over to Jasper and stood in front of him.

"Bella rang me"

"She did?"

"Yes...We had a talk and she wanted to know how I felt about the baby"

"Did you decide?" I asked wearily.

"Yes"

"What have you decided?" I could feel the tears fill my eyes now...The cloud of fear storming my abdomen and a huge ache pressing on my heart.

"I want to keep it, Alice" _Oh my god....Did he just say that?_

"Really?" I asked unable to keep the smile from lifting my mouth up.

"Yes...I can't live in a world without you Alice and if that means that we have our own family then so be it" Jasper said...The tears fell as I gasped uncontrollably..._How could this be happening? GOD BLESS BELLA SWAN A MILLION TIMES OVER...She was without a doubt the best sister I could have._

Jasper closed the gap between us and grabbed the side of my hand..I leaned into his touch.

"I love you, Alice...I want to love our baby, too...I am scared but I want this...I really want this" Jasper said as he crushed his lips to mine...I responded violently.

I wrapped my fingers in his hair and moaned into his mouth as the last remaining tears fell from my eyelids...He moved his hands from my head to my top and began to undo the buttons..I pulled his shirt closer to me not wanting any space between us...Our lips were still attacking each other as my top was removed fully...I tugged on Jasper's shirt hard not caring that it would break...I needed him.

"I missed you Jazz" I said as he moved his lips from mine and down my neck and now exposed chest area.

"I missed you too" he stated as he made quick work of my bra removing the straps from my shoulders our now bare torsos connecting and setting my whole body alight...I hitched one of my legs up onto his waist...Feeling his erection on the inside of my thigh and he pulled me up so I could wrap both of my legs around his waist...I attacked his mouth again enjoying the warmth of his tongue on mine...Jasper led us towards my bed turning round and lowering me gently so that he was on top of me...I held onto his arms to prolong our kiss a bit longer...I didn't care that I was running out of oxygen either....Jasper removed our lips as I took a long needed breath and began to travel down my body...kissing my breasts and the valley in-between them...He used his hand to knead me as I squirmed a little under his touch trying desperately not to moan out in pleasure too loud.

"God..Alice I love you" Jasper gasped

"I love you too"...I replied... snaking my hands in his hair and caressed the top to the roots...Jasper reached my stomach.

"I love you too my baby" he soothed at my stomach...Kissing it lovingly in every spot he could get to..If I wasn't so overwhelmed with pleasure I could cry...I hitched my breath as Jasper dipped his tongue into my navel..I could feel him smile on my skin... It didn't take him long to completely remove my trousers and my underwear...He hovered over me as I lifted my legs and hitched my toes around his trousers...He was wearing his lounging trousers so I didn't need to fiddle with a button or a zip...Once I had removed them I attacked his mouth again as I did the same with his boxers..Trailing them down his legs...Jasper caressed both of my cheeks with his hands using his legs to support himself....I pulled him down forcing him to move his hands from my cheeks to either side of my head..I lifted my hips up to his now obvious desire spot and Jasper growled a little under his breath.

Jasper thrust into me as I took all of him in...My body wrapping around him at every angle...We could not be any more connected to each other..Jasper pulled out and pulled back out even further...I sighed in pleasure as I locked both of my legs around his waist...He then pulled me up off of the bed completely and sat me down on his lap..Wrapping both of his arms around me and kissing my shoulders as we both kept our rhythm...I bathed in his touch leaning my head back slightly as he hit a good spot he then took the opportunity to attack my neck as he quickened his pace our bodies rocking more now.

I could feel the knot in my lower stomach and I was close...I kissed Jasper's cheek and trailed up to his ear and bit down on it slightly.

"Jazz...I'm close" I hummed in his ear as he groaned in pleasure the vibrations hitting every part of my body.

"So am I baby" he replied as we rocked together around seven more times until we both filled each other to the brim with our orgasms..Our breathing was ragged but Jasper never let go of me as we rocked it all out completely...Once we were both still Jasper kissed my forehead as I fell into his chest now feeling more emotional than I had ever felt since I had given him my virginity.

Now that we had decided to keep our baby there was only one thing left to do.....

_Tell the parents._

**Es/Ed POV and E/B POV in next chapter...I needed this chapter to finalize Alice's path...**

**SILLY BELLA is too concerned with other people that she doesn't realise how mucked up she is feeling...Always the selfless being and I wouldn't have her any other way.**

**I am also a bit emotional today and I actually CRIED when writing Carlisle and Bella's POV in the beginning and Alice and Jasper's at the end so I'm sorry if this chapter doesn't have enough drama than the last two...There will be more I promise...When I have a cheery day again **

**Thanks SO much again for the support for AML...I would cry again but I have run out of tears.**

**Please review...I don't mind if it is good or bad I always want to know how everyone likes this story as I update more.**

**Songs for this chapter were: 'My sundown' – Jimmy Eat World**

'**Bless the broken road' – Rascal Flatts**

'**The Climb' – Joe McElderry.............YES I said I was feeling emotional.**

**Love **

**.S.**

**X x x **


	23. Uneasiness

**Hello I'm back again...Sick of me now huh? **

**Anyway thank you for the reviews last chapter:**

***Cullengirl08* - NO I can assure you right now that will NOT be happening...Bella isn't like that in my mind as I created her and that is NOT what I believe people should do in relationships...This is however her downward spiral and she will be doing a lot of things that are against her character but it seems like she can't handle the confusion and she is only human and clearly is new with 'falling'.**

***ajayee* - You made my day SO much better....Thank you for writing that review my lovely I'm pleased that you are enjoying AML...Much Love x**

***Sylvia Cullen, Raven Jadewolfe, Devil Nightmare* - Thank YOU! X x**

**This chapter is going to be full of both messed up and angry people...I will warn you that nearer to the end there will be talk of a very uneasy issue so if you are a sensitive reader then please don't read on...Just skip. **

**Songs for this chapter are: I'm Ok – Sarah Bettens**

**I'm ok – Christina Aguilera --- These songs are for BOTH E/B**

*~Carlisle~*

In ordinary circumstances I would have tried to stop Esme from ranting and raving at Jessica for hitting Bella...Bella had been an unstoppable force in our family that we had ALL grown to love in such a short amount of time and one thing was for sure that Bella would always be protected by us. I left Esme to it and if she found it necessary to need or include me in her confrontation with Edward then I would be there in a heartbeat.

I sat on the bed looking at Esme's empty spot...I couldn't help but let my thoughts led toward Bella and how she got her injury...I am not going to lie to myself and say that I wanted her to tell me every detail because I wanted to help her...However she could have been genuine with me by saying that she couldn't remember anything or she could have been telling me a lie...Now, I was never going to be the first person to accuse Bella Swan of lying but as of right now I didn't know what to think.

I grabbed the breakfast tray that Esme had left on the bed and walked out of our bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen...I hadn't been paged all day which was always strange because I had always received some order or request or job either from my colleagues or people in a higher rank than me...However it looked like today was going to be quiet for a change...I cleaned up all of the cutlery and put it away in the cupboards...Considering that Emmett was with Rosalie and Jasper with Alice (I had seen his car outside through the curtains as I came down the stairs) I decided to go up and see Bella as she would be all by herself for a while.

I tapped on the door softly but heard no noise coming from the inside...I opened the door and walked in on tip-toe closing it behind me...I heard Bella murmur but only slightly...I looked at her she was asleep in bed her eye still blue...Her clothes (excluding her underwear) had been thrown across the floor no doubt she had been in a hurry to go back to sleep earlier...Her eyes have been looking so bad recently...Instead of waking her I did what Esme would have done...I grabbed her top from the floor and folded it over my arm and I did the same with her jeans...I then walked back out of the room and down to the washing room...Fair enough I hadn't always done the washing but I did know how to use the machine.

I placed the top in and was about to throw her jeans in when I felt something poke my chest out of one of the pockets...I laid the jeans out on top of the machine and buried my hand through the pocket picking out something that was wrapped in quite an amount of tissue...I unwrapped it slowly ignoring the unattended Jeans and top.

Once the paper had all been removed...I turned it round in my hand....

_A PREGNANCY TEST.....!_

_IT WAS POSITIVE.....!_

OH HOLY HELL.....!!

*~Esme~*

Edward had been looking at me uneasily for the past five minutes...How could he just sit there when he should be explaining to me what the hell had happened at his party last night...I folded my arms as an indication for him to speak...I hoped that he would take the hint.

"What do you want to know, mom?" Edward groaned out..._Oh good we WERE on the right page, then!_

"How the hell my youngest daughter got that black eye would be a start, Edward and don't start with how you hooked up with Jessica either because I am not in the mood for that" I spat out in reply...Edward flinched and moved his position on the bed.

"Do you want to sit down, mom?" he said gesturing to the empty side of the bed...I shook my head still keeping my posture strong..He exhaled and ran his hand through his hair.

"Okay...Bella had invited Mike Newton and he is someone that we have never been in conversation with...When I say we, I mean myself, Alice and Emmett. I don't know why she invited him but I got angry when I saw his face at my party and when I had seen him Bella had come into the house crying with him following her and I just saw red-"

"So instead of talking to Bella about it you went and threw rants?"

"No..I asked Bella but she was too upset and Alice insisted that she be the one who found out what was wrong about Bella...I was pissed at Alice because I wanted to be the one to help Bella and then I went off with Jessica but I couldn't get Mike out of my head...I later confronted Newton about why he was at my party and what he had done to hurt Bella-"Edward stopped and looked at me I nodded for him to continue.

"He backed away from me like the coward he is and Bella had come down as I had yelled at him and she grabbed me by the arm and led me outside...She started yelling at me which she had every right to and I was just trying to say that I wanted to protect her..She hit me and before I could snap back into the situation Jessica had come down and hit her...I told Jessica that Bella was my sister and she was shocked...She went to help Bella up and had began to apologise to her when Bella just crawled away back into the house...I haven't seen her since" Edward explained...I exhaled and walked over to him sitting in front of him on the bed.

"Edward...You know this isn't the first time you have gone wrong with Bella"

"I know that....I am so sick of screwing up...I don't want to keep saying sorry anymore...I get a girlfriend for the first time and even then I screw it up"

"You and Jessica...It's true, then?"

"Yes...Although it's only been a day...I don't think I feel as strongly for her yet but hopefully I will in time"

"That's good....Look Edward the only thing that was wrong here was that you stood by and watched your NOW girlfriend hit your sister"

"I know, mom and I am sorry....Do you remember the time I came in to your room and I was crying and I said that I was sorry about the way I acted?"

"Yes"

"Triple that and then times it by ten...That's how sorry I am feeling right now"

"So...What are you going to do?"

"Bella will avoid me...I know she will but I will continue to be there for her...I have apologised too many times to her and she said that I wasn't given another chance only an opportunity so I will try and get back to her as normal."

"Fair enough...Is there anything else that you are keeping from me, Edward?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know you and Bella seem a bit different lately has anything happened between you two without us knowing?"

"No...We are normal...The same as usual" I lied.

"Hmm well when you are ready to tell me, Edward then you let me know but until Bella's eye is healed and you are both back on the same ground...Jessica won't be welcome here"

"What? But mom!"

"You will thank me for this, Edward...Someday"

"Mom can you at least allow me to go out with Jessica if I chose to?"

"No..Sorry Edward she has to stay away until Bella is ready to face her"

"What about me?"

"The world doesn't evolve around you and your girlfriend"

"I never said it did, mom...It seems like everyone is too concerned about Bella to realise that I am still your son and a part of this family too"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Edward?!"

"Mom...Bella is the clear favourite in this house and you know what...I am getting sick of it" Edward climbed out of the bed and started walking over to his door.

"Where the hell are you going...Don't you walk away from me!" I yelled.

"Mom...I need air...I'm sure if Bella needed air you would let her have it" he answered me in a spiteful voice and ran out of the door and slammed it after him...I exhaled loudly and buried my head in my hands....I couldn't be too angry at Edward right now...I lacked the energy but also the fact that he hadn't been completely to blame in this pig of a situation...If I wanted someone to blame completely it would be Jessica...She would have to work hard if she were to ever come back into my house again.

I walked out of Edward's room making a note to ask him to clean up the mess later when he and I had calmed down...I went into Bella's room...She was sleeping in her bed and I could see the extent of the blackness and blue of her eye from where I was standing and I cringed internally...That must have been some blow and no wonder she was sleeping the impact must have knocked her for six. If Jessica wasn't distant family I would hit her one just as hard back and see how she feels...Stupid girl needs to learn that violence isn't the answer to everything.

"ISABELLA SWAN!" Carlisle shouted up the stairs causing the sound to bounce off the walls...I jumped and looked at Bella who had shot up from her slumber and was now sitting upright...I looked over to the stairs and before I could call my husband thundering footsteps filled the air...Oh god Carlisle never reacted like this except when he was really angry...I was frozen as I looked at Bella who was giving me a look of confusion – I shrugged my shoulders at her.

Carlisle had reached the stairs...He looked like an angry bull chasing after a red cloth I felt my stomach flip as I reached out to grab his arm...He tilted his head to look at me as I halted him, shook his head once and I released my grasp as Carlisle walked into the room just in front of me.

"Get up, young lady....Now!" He demanded at Bella who looked positively terrified...She clambered out of the bed nearly falling over a few times as she exited the bed and put on some slippers.

As she was doing that...I heard more tumbling footsteps from the opposite direction..Emmett and Rosalie came into view hand-in-hand as they stopped in their tracks when they saw me...They were swiftly joined by Alice and Jasper.

"Mom..What's going on?" Alice asked me...I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"HURRY UP!" Carlisle shouted from inside the room...I moved out of the way without looking inside to make way for my husband and daughter to come out...There was no stopping Carlisle when he was this angry and all of us standing in the hallway knew this...Everyone of course except for Bella....Carlisle came out with a strong arm on Bella.

"Dad...What are you doing, you're hurting me!" Bella wailed as she was dragged down the stairs...I followed immediately and the others were behind me as we all descended down the stairs. Carlisle went to the living room and pushed Bella onto the sofa with some force.

"Carlisle what is the meaning of this?" I asked my husband...Not wanting him to lash out on her.

"Ask our Isabella what I found in her jeans pocket this morning?" Carlisle shot back at me...I looked at Bella who had began to cry and shake rather violently.

"Tell her then...Bella" Carlisle ordered, Bella bit her lip as she began to pant really hard..I had never seen anyone so scared.

"It's okay, Bella you can tell me" I soothed at her.

"STOP COMFORTING HER, ESME....TELL HER BELLA, TELL US ALL WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO?!"

"I haven't done anything" Bella choked out...The banter was interrupted by Edward who had walked in the front door and stood motionless as soon as he got in, a worried look on his face.

"YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WHEN I FIND A POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST IN YOUR POCKET?!"

An awkward silence fell over the room...My own heart had jumped into my throat...No there is no way that Bella would do that...I couldn't speak as I looked at my daughter who looked so broken on the sofa...None of my children had said anything but I could feel their shock.

"Bella...If you don't answer me..-" Carlisle said

"What will you do, dad...Hit me...Throw me out?" Bella broke off Carlisle standing up.

"Don't you answer me back!" Carlisle replied striding closer to Bella.

"You know all I do is help this family...What if I were pregnant...Is this the way that you would help me...Would you support me by throwing me out?"

"Explain your behaviour and then we wouldn't have to do anything drastic" I replied.

Bella turned to look at me and shook her head.

"No..-" Bella walked over towards Alice who was standing with her hand in Jasper's "I won't be blamed for this" Bella finished before staying a few seconds to glare at Alice and then she ran up to her room before any of us were able to stop her.

"Edward go and get her!" Carlisle demanded at Edward who nodded and had begun to climb the stairs.

"No...Wait Edward don't get Bella....She isn't the one who is pregnant....I am!" Alice shouted out...I fell to my knees with my head it my hands...This was all too much I didn't know what Carlisle was doing.

Alice...My baby was pregnant.....

What were we supposed to do now??

*~Edward~*

I knew that it would be wrong to follow Bella after we had been avoiding each other all day...I saw the look on her face after my dad had asked her if she was pregnant...The hurt in both Bella's and my dad's eyes was so completely obvious. Bella had been hurt that dad hadn't trusted her when she said that she wasn't pregnant and dad was hurt because Bella hadn't been honest with him if she was pregnant. I didn't know what to believe...All I had to do what see if she was alright.

Her bedroom door was open and I walked in to find it empty...The bathroom door was ajar a little and I walked gradually over to it...I nearly had a heart attack when I found her on the floor, her head down so that her long hair was shielding her face from view however I could see a razor in her hand though a gap in her hair...Her arm was also held out in front of her...I knew what she was about to do.

"Please put it down, Bella" I said to her as she choked...The razor was now as close to her skin as it could be without making contact with her skin itself...She didn't put the razor down but she was motionless the only sound coming from her body was her sobs...I got down on my knees and crawled a little way to her without getting too close...I grabbed a side of her hair and pulled it away from her...Her red and blotchy face now in view...I had never seen Bella cry this amount of tears and I felt sick that I may have been the reason that she wanted to hurt herself.

"Bella...Please?" I pleaded with as much of a steady voice as I could handle...She let out a small wail and dropped the razor...She then leant forward on the spot looking away from me and holding her stomach with both her hands as she wailed out silently...If it were possible to be heartbroken by your sister then this would be it for me...I grabbed her shoulder as she still remained forward and crawled over to place myself in front of her so that her head was now resting on my chest...I placed my hands on her cheeks and pulled her head up to face me...She followed the response but slowly..Her eyes never reaching mine as her head was upright. I leaned forward and kissed her injured eye once at the centre and then twice at either side..Bella shivered underneath my touch as she continued to let the tears fall...With one hand I took the razor off the floor; throwing it in the bin next to the sink and I didn't miss. I then wrapped both my arms around Bella's neck and hugged her tightly as she put her arms on my arms clenching her fingertips on them slightly but it didn't hurt.

I was about to pull away from her when she hugged me tighter...I continued to hold her as I pulled her up off of the floor to standing...She weighed nothing and she didn't put up a fight about being off of the floor...Once her feet were firmly on the floor I leant down and wrapped my arms underneath her legs and lifted her...She wrapped her arms around my neck without looking at me as I steadily made my way back to her bedroom...I flicked the bathroom light with my nose and then went over and sat on the foot of Bella's bed resting her body on my lap she kept her head in my neck...I felt the tears from her eyes on my neck I stroked her hair with one hand and used the other to hold her in place on my lap.

After around half an hour her sobs had completely disappeared and she was now breathing heavily on my chest – I didn't care that my bottom and legs were numb and I could no longer feel my feet I would stay here with Bella for a week if I had to.

Bella removed herself from my neck...I tilted my head to the side to look at her using a hand to stroke her hair from her face.

"Thank you, Edward" she whispered quietly.

"You're welcome" I replied just as quietly...I rested my head on hers...Bella sniffed.

"I don't want to do it anymore"

"Don't want to do what?"

"I don't want to be confused anymore"

"Bella...What are you confused about?"

Bella's breath hitched "I can't tell you, Edward"

"Sure you can, Bella"

"No I can't...I'm sorry, I wish I could"

"Don't apologise you don't have to tell me" I soothed

"I am sorry, Edward"

"I don't need an apology, Bella...I screwed up again"

"We were both at fault, Edward"

"You weren't at fault at all, Bella"

"I was...Edward can we just say sorry and leave it at that I don't have the strength to talk about it anymore"

"Sure okay...I forgive you"

"I forgive you too"

I rocked her on my lap carefully as she fully lifted her head to look at me...I smiled at her before kissing her on the forehead...She kept her forehead on mine and we each closed our eyes sitting in our own little worlds.

*~Carlisle~*

"Come with me, Alice!" I demanded at my daughter who stood confidently after her confession...I couldn't think straight I had been so angry at Bella because I thought she had been reckless in her love life but when Alice had confessed that she was the one that was pregnant...I couldn't breathe. I walked to the safety of my office my head buzzing with all the information.

I walked over to my desk without a backward glance at Alice and sat down putting my head in my hands...I couldn't look at her for the moment I was so ashamed that I had acted that way towards Bella and how Alice hadn't thought about telling me sooner so that this whole situation could have been avoided in the first place.

"Dad...I'm so sorry"

"You've made your choice, Alice...I am sorry that I didn't teach you how to be more careful"

"No, you don't understand...I knew what I was doing I just forgot to take the pill afterwards...Please don't be upset with me, dad...I spoke to Jasper about it and he wants to keep it – we want to keep it"

"How the hell could you stand by and watch me do that to Bella?"

"Dad...What are you talking about?"

I looked up at her for the first time..She was crying and her arms were folded tightly across her chest. "You knew that you were pregnant and yet you didn't come and tell me sooner?"

"I wanted to...I wanted to tell you the minute that I found out but I only told Jasper yesterday because he needed some time to think about what he wanted and so we were going to tell you later today but you found out before us"

"I did...Would you like to explain how YOUR used pregnancy test came to be in Bella's possession?"

"Bella found me the day of Edward's party when I had just taken the test...She was in the wrong place at the wrong time and I asked her to give me the result we found out and then she said she had got rid of it...I can see now why she would have it in her pocket...In case either you or mom checked the bins."

"She did that as well as keeping this to herself?"

"Yes...I didn't ask her to hide the test, dad she did it without my seeing it...I pleaded with her not to say anything because I knew this was something that I had to do on my own..I had made my own bed and I had to lie in it so to speak...She was so supportive dad...She said that she would help me and she also helped Jasper decide what to do – we are both so grateful to her dad"

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you allowed me to make her suffer like I did"

"Yes...I went about all of this wrong dad and for the second time I hate myself for what I have done to Bella"

"So how far along are you?"

"Nearly three weeks"

"You have to realise that I am disappointed in you, Alice"

"I know you are, dad but I don't regret doing it...I love Jasper and I want to love our child too"

"You are in a secure relationship...That much is certain but have you planned what you are going to do..Where you are going to live?"

"We both wanted to tell you and mom first before we planned anything"

"Good well then off you go"

"What?"

"You've told us and now you can go and plan things...It's your life, Alice"

"Dad you ARE mad at me"

"I am not MAD at you, Alice I am disappointed"

"That's the same thing"

"I think you will find it's not"

"This is about Bella isn't it....This isn't about me at all"

"Alice...This is NOT about Bella...This is about YOU and YOUR choices alone"

"Are you and mom going to support me, dad?"

"Of course we will...There's nothing more to say on the matter now...It's done"

"I thought you would have been happier about it"

"Happy? I can't be happy when I first find out that my seventeen year old daughter is pregnant...I will need time Alice to adapt to the change just like you will have to when you start to show"

"Fine but can I just say that I love you dad...And that I didn't do this to hurt you"

I looked up at the broken soul of my daughter and the longing moulded on her face...Now I had gone and made two of my daughters upset...I got up from the chair and pulled her into a tight hug...I couldn't stay mad at my daughter when she needed me...I didn't approve of it all right now and I would dearly love to hack off Jasper's parts but that is not what a father should do...Alice pulled her arms around me tighter and nested her head into my neck. We stayed like that for a few minutes letting the peacefulness of the silence wash over us...I knew that Alice was scared and making her feel even worse was just going to drive her away. I took her head in my hands and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too Alice" I said as she smiled and kissed my cheek.

Maybe I should of handled it differently and maybe I should have thought about things before I did or said them but now I had a daughter who needed me and a daughter who I needed to apologise too I had been quick to jump to the wrong conclusion and I was one of the first people Bella had trusted before she became my daughter legally.

One thing's for sure...For the next nine months things were going to be extremely different around here.

I just needed to be there for my family

Because as a father...................

It's what I do..............!

*~Esme~*

"Here you go, mom" Emmett said as he walked into the living room with a cup of coffee in his hand...He placed it on the coffee table and walked back over to sit beside me and grab my hand...Rosalie was sitting on the opposite sofa.

"Are you feeling any better?" Emmett asked me

"Yes..Thank you, darling I think it was just the shock"

"Are you mad at Alice, mom?"

"No...I couldn't be mad at her...I never have been able to – scatty little thing had always had one-up on me...Besides she needs us. I don't approve of her choice or how she went about this whole thing...I mean, come on I may want to believe that all of my children are untouched but no one is a saint..I know what you all get up to but I expect you to be sensible about it...Alice just had a lapse"

"So what are we going to do?"

"Emmett...I honestly don't know...We will have to go more into that when we are all feeling a little better this house feels like a prison right now and I already feel drained...Has Edward been back down yet?"

"No...He is still with Bella" Rosalie answered.

"Oh that's good...She has someone with her..Oh god Carlisle is probably beating himself up for his behaviour towards her"

"He couldn't help it, mom I mean...He wasn't to know that it was Alice's" Emmett replied...I tapped his hand with mine.

"How is football going anyway?"

"We have just found out that Alice is pregnant and you want to talk about football"?

"Let's just say I have had a little reality check today"

"Well it's going great we should be all trained up in time for summer..Just got to lay off some of the areas of the canteen until then"

"Can you do that?"

"Sure I can"

"Good boy" I laughed and caressed one of Emmett's cheeks as he smiled at me.

"You know it's been such a funny week"

"Tell me about it" Emmett said

"I am going to be a grandmother!"

"What about me? I am going to be an uncle...I don't know whether I want to be called Uncle Emmett yet" Rose and I laughed at his remark.

"Thank you again for organising the party on Friday, Esme" Rose said

"You're welcome...I just wish it would have gone a little bit better that is all"

"Well mom we are going to go and get ready...I am taking Rose out for dinner...Did you want us to bring back anything for you?"

"No thank you sweetheart...You have a good time"

Emmett stood up and kissed me on the forehead and Rosalie walked over and did the same...They then walked upstairs together and the house was silent.

I took the opportunity then to rest my eyes...

Everything was changing.......And fast.

*~Edward~*

Bella had fallen asleep in my arms...Her breathing was heavy and tingled every so often on my neck...Once I was certain she wouldn't wake when I moved I stood up with her in my arms desperately trying to get the feeling back into my legs...I placed her underneath the covers it was fortunate that she hadn't made her bed this morning and pulled the covers over the top of her she stirred a little but didn't wake. I leaned down and kissed her cheek before walking out of the room.

Bella had a close escape earlier and as much as I would like to keep it a secret from my dad I knew I couldn't...We Cullen's had a rule that we would tell each other everything no matter how badly or unexpectedly it came out. I was also surprised at the fact that I hadn't thought about Alice since being with Bella...I wasn't surprised at the revelation because I knew how much Alice and Jasper were mad about each other...It was bound to happen because nothing would break them up...They were meant to be together all of their lives and grow old together I had always known that there were couples who did that.

I walked down to my dad's office...I hadn't seen him all day and I am sure that mom had filled him in on everything we spoke about this morning and how I lashed out at her unreasonably...I think I need anger management classes...Either that or go away for a while on a vacation or something..Lord knows I needed it.

I stepped into the office; dad was at his usual spot at the desk..I walked over to him as he glanced up at me.

"Edward, what can I do for you?"

"I came...Well I came for one thing which I will tell you in a minute but I was wondering whether Esme had told you about her and my chat this morning?"

Carlisle put his glasses down on the desk and folded his hands out in front of him.

"No..She has yet to inform me."

"Oh I see...I will explain at some other time, dad...I am here about Bella"

"I had heard about your fight...I trust that you are building your relationship back up with her"

"Well I hope I am making some progress...I should tell you something...I am worried about her"

"Why are you worried, Edward?"

"After she left the living room after Alice's...Confession or whatever it is you want to call it I went up to Bella's room and I found her about to cut herself with a razor"

"Oh my good god" Dad exhaled as he put his head in his hands.

"I stopped her just in time..The razor never made contact with her skin but I think she needs help, dad"

"She also needed me to listen to her...Has she been crying?"

"She cried non-stop for about half an hour maybe more"

"Did she tell you why she was upset?"

"No she didn't mention any of us...She just said that she didn't want to be confused anymore"

"You better sit down, Edward" Dad motioned for me to sit down and I took it sitting down on the cold wood....Dad then got out his dictionary and started to scan through.

"Dad...I know that this is my fault and I know what you are going to say...But I need to be there for Bella right now you and mom can punish me later and I will not moan about it but we need to get Bella sorted out – there is something that she is not telling any of us"

"Do you have any idea about what it could be?"

"No...Not a clue"

"Right well self-harm can lead to a case of depression...Considering Bella's history with alcoholism it isn't surprising that she has been affected later on....However she has not been getting sleep either which is a worrying sign...I would subscribe her with sleeping medication but I know that there is a possibility that she will become too dependent on them"

"So what else is there to do?"

"Therapy"

"What you mean like a shrink?"

"She can go to regular classes and appointments on specified days, however seeing as she does not have a mode of transport of her own it would be better if she went back to Sandgrove"

"You mean....Bella would be leaving us?"

"Not permanently, Edward....just until she is better we have some of the best doctors and therapists in the country and I will be there also to check her progress and feet back to the rest of you on how she is doing"

"Is there any way that she could stay here...One of us could keep watch?"

"I am afraid that none of us have ever been struck with a mental illness and the proper carers are the people who have been through it themselves...I know you will miss her Edward but it is as you say..Her happiness is more important and she won't be happy until someone finds the real reason behind her sadness"

"Okay...I understand" God this was a bullet in the stomach there was now nothing that ANY of us could do for Bella...If only she would tell me what was wrong...If only she would let me in, or if she will not let ME in then let our parents or our sister and brother in....It just didn't make sense.

"I will ring up Doctor Albertson now...Hopefully he won't be finishing for another half an hour...Will you go and stay with Bella for me and ask Esme to pack some of her stuff please?"

"Yes" I answered as I left the office...Now Bella would be all alone back in the place she came from when she arrived here and I feared for her safety now more than ever....I was about to climb the stairs when I saw my mom in the living room asleep her head resting on the armchair.

"Mom?" I whispered into her ear as she stirred.

"Edward?" My mom mumbled

"Mom...Bella needs to go back to Sandgrove...I can't explain right now but dad asked me to tell you could you come and pack Bella some things" I whispered

"Yes of course" she said as she slowly got up from the sofa...I took her hand and she crushed her hand into mine...We would have to talk another time about my behaviour but my thoughts were now only for Bella.

I walked back into Bella's room and allowed my mum to get a bag from the wardrobe and browse around for necessities...I walked over to Bella and stroked her hair from her face as I sat on an empty spot in front of me... Once I was sitting I pulled her body up completely as gently as I could and held her body to mine tightly rocking her back and forth like I had done earlier...I couldn't help the tears that had fallen from my eyes...I kissed her head a few tears falling into her hair...I wasn't looking at my mom even though I knew she was moving around because I could hear her...I continued to hold Bella.

"Oh Edward sweetheart...She will be okay" Mom said forcing me to look up she smiled comfortingly at me and I forced a smile back..Still continuing to rock Bella.

"All-done...What else did your father say?" Mom said

"Umm...Nothing..." I started but I was interrupted by my dad bursting through Bella's room.

"They have a spare room at the hospital...We should take her in now"

Esme looked over at me and I nodded..Pulling Bella completely out of the covers and picking her up in the same way I had done earlier.

"What about Alice and Emmett?" Mom asked.

"You can stay here with them if you like or you can come along with us and I will drive you back later" dad answered.

"No..I will stay just keep me updated" Esme said as she kissed my dad and then kissed my cheek before she went however she stroked one of Bella's cheeks and kissed it lovingly as she lay in my arms.

"Okay, Edward are you going to be okay to carry her?" Dad asked taking the bag from Esme as she left the room and as he started out of the door, I nodded and began to walk down the stairs.

I welcomed the cool air as it hit my face..I tightened my grip on Bella who was laying limp and lifeless in my arms...I climbed into the back seat of the car and managed to climb in and put Bella on my lap again successfully...My dad got in and turned the key.

"Edward?" Bella mumbled her eyes still closed.

"It's okay Bella, I am here...I am not going to leave you...You are going to be taken care of my little sister I promise no one won't dare hurt you" I whispered back as she nodded a little and continued in her slumber...I didn't know whether she could understand what I had said or not I was too concerned about what had seemed to be bothering her.

THIS is the hardest night of my life...I would have faced a thousand parties like my own rather than have Bella here on my lap and going to hospital...She looked so fragile and I was so afraid that she would break completely and not have her usual beautiful character left in any remains...She did not deserve this and I would help her in any way I could EVERY step of the way.

**SO confused and oblivious the pair of them, aren't they?!**

**So Bella will be going back to hospital but she won't be in there for long so don't panic...This is another emotional chapter I will do some POVs with E/Jess and B/Mike next chapter in case anyone is interested.**

**Lots of love to my reviewers...Please tell me what you think it DOES help me write better.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**.S.**

**X x x x**


	24. Missing You

**Got another chapter here for YOU guys! **

'**Rawwr' was SOOO good to point those little mistakes out to me that I made last chapter I am sorry if it threw some of you off-course **** I try so hard not to make mistakes because I am prone to the little ones quite often...Well ALL THE TIME tbh ****.**

**I don't know whether nearly making you cry....'Wendililli and ayajee' is a GOOD thing but I am going to take a risk and say to myself that it is...However if you do not wish to cry anymore then I suggest you skip this chapter **

'**Culllengirl08' I agree with what you have said completely it was my intention straight from the start to have people see Carlisle make that change..We ALL get angry in reality and do and say things we shouldn't and so as much as I LOVE Carlisle I couldn't have him constantly bathing in whipped cream and syrup sweetness because even caring people have their moments...Bear with me.**

'**Samasaurus Rex' – It's so weird...I read your name and because my name is SAMANTHA I thought that my name was in yours :D silly girl eh? Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts...AML NEWBIE :D...Bella has Edward and she won't be long in Sandgrove so she will be back with the people that love her in no time.**

**Thanks again for everyone who read last chapter I need Bella to be down at the moment so she can face up to what has been staring at her in the face for some time now...So hope you enjoy this one! LOVE YOU ALL LOTS x x x**

~*Edward~*

'Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile – Albert Einstein'

I struggled to get Bella out of the car as my dad pulled up at the hospital...She was a heavy sleeper and hadn't stirred once since we started our journey...Dad grabbed her legs from mine and held her for a moment as I climbed out from the back seat...The numbness now very prominent in both of my legs...I didn't care though...I took Bella back into the confines of my arms and we both paced towards the hospital entrance.

We were greeted by an elderly woman as we got into the reception of where my dad worked...I looked around me at the place where my sister had started out...I was now beginning to understand how hard it must have been for her...I cringed at the smell of the air and the dirtiness of the used-to-be white walls...This hospital was a prison...There were no other people around and it didn't take a genius to believe that they were not allowed out of their rooms for obvious reasons...I couldn't have Bella staying here with these people for long...I wouldn't allow it as long as I had breath left in my body...Dad conversed with the receptionist as I pulled Bella up further in my hold as she had begun to slip...I was suddenly grateful to Emmett for teaching me how to work weights and to have some stamina in the centre core of my stomach...I needed it right now!

Dad finished his conversation with the elderly woman as she flashed me a smile...I smiled a little back feeling the heat falling on my cheeks...It's true Bella weighed nothing but have you tried carrying a person or holding them for a certain amount of time...It's a BITCH! Dad gestured to me to follow him as I trudged my weight-stricken legs on and in his pursuit.

Luckily the room that Bella was staying in wasn't far from the reception...Dad opened the door for me and in all honesty I was about to vomit at this place...Dad was great at his job and we all live comfortably but really this place made a deserted volcano look nice. I stomped over to the bed and carefully placed Bella on the top...Forcing my legs to stop shaking as I let her go...I stood up and bent over to rub my legs which quite literally felt like lead.

Dad grabbed a clipboard from the foot of the bed and started to scribble down on the pen attached to it as I lay down with Bella on the bed once I got the feeling in my legs back.

"Okay...She should be assessed in the morning-"my dad started.

"Are you not at all sorry that she is in here?" I broke him off facing Bella's sleeping face as I put my hand through her hair.

"Of course...I am sorrier than anyone can ever know...You have to understand, Edward...Depression is something that can be diagnosed at any time in someone's life and once someone starts self-harming there are procedures that we all have to go through...If Bella is depressed then there is a possibility that she could become suicidal if we do not nip the problem in the bud early and this is what we are doing now"

"You think that she is going to kill herself?" I exclaimed.

"Depression is an illness, Edward....You have no control over your own body or what you end up doing...You feel completely alone"

"Bella is NOT alone...She will NEVER be alone"

"I know she is not, Edward"

"The reason she is in here is because of you....You humiliated her by jumping to conclusions about her being pregnant and you didn't even listen to her"

"You can point the blame at me all you want, Edward but if I said to you that I will regret what I did to her for the rest of my life you would never believe me anyway"

"Don't pretend like you know what I am thinking, dad...You have no idea"

"Why don't you let me in, then?"

"No bloody way...You can't go all doctor-ish on me when Bella is in trouble"

"She is in good hands"

"This place is disgusting" I had moved my face away from Bella and had climbed off the bed to stand up...I could feel the anger starting to boil up in my body and I didn't want Bella to be in the firing line. Dad had put the clipboard in the holder and folded his arms across his chest.

"You're right, Edward...This place isn't the Hilton but it is a hospital"

"I know that....I don't want Bella to be here"

"That's not for you to decide"

"It's not for YOU to decide either...It is Bella's choice"

"Actually it isn't...She is still a child by law and as her rightful guardian now I have say in medical matters that she undergoes"

I felt the tears fill my eyes again as I threw my head down with my hands on either side of it...My chest hitting my knees....I wanted to scream but I couldn't because I would wake my little sister up.

"Son...Why don't you wait outside for a minute and cool off" dad suggested as he put a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off forcefully and pulled my body back up.

"Bella belongs with us...She needs the people that love her around her!"

"I know that, Edward and if there were any other way to make that possible then I would take it but there isn't"

"I can't have her in here whilst I am cosy at home...It's not right and besides I...WE would all miss her too much" I wiped the tears off my face feeling like a complete wimp for crying in front of my own father.

"You can come and visit her whenever you want...I think she would like that" Dad soothed.

"Don't pretend like you know what she is thinking either"

"Fine, Edward then I will say it....I am SORRY" dad said sternly

"Don't apologise to me...Apologise to HER" I threw back as she frowned at me.

"Will you give me a minute with her?" I nodded and opened the door but looked back at my dad who had now sat on the bed where I had been...He had picked up Bella's body and hugged her tightly as I had done earlier on..His back was to me but his body was rising and falling and I knew that he was crying silent tears. I closed the door behind me and stood in the hallway.

I took the opportunity then to shed my tears as I placed both my hands on the wall and leant against it as the forceful sobs broke through my body...I didn't care who could hear me

_It was going to be an emotional night._

*~Esme~*

(Next day)

'Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep – Carl Sandburg'

I sat motionless on the kitchen chair...I hadn't made any breakfast because I hadn't been able to sleep all night and my body protested any kind of movement at this moment in time due to lack of energy...I held my hand on one of my hands and stared out the kitchen window...I didn't know how long I had been sitting there or what the time was...I didn't even know what I was feeling emotionally.

"Mom...Is everything okay?" I flinched at the sound of Alice's concerned voice and then felt her hand as it rested on my shoulder....I shook my head new sobs threatening to escape my body and mouth...Alice walked over to kneel in front of me..I looked at her as she bit her lip and stroked one of my cheeks.

"Mom you look exhausted...Did you sleep at all?"

"No..Alice there is something I have to tell you"

"What is it, mom?"

I looked into her anxious expression and took a deep breath before opening my mouth.

"Bella had to be admitted back into Sandgrove last night" I choked out...Alice grabbed my head in both of her hands and then wrapped them around my neck..I buried my head into her shoulder as she rubbed my back.

"Can you tell me why, mom?"

"I don't know...Carlisle will tell me when he gets home...I think the only person who knows the real reason why she is in there is Edward"

"Edward?"

"Yes...He and your dad have been there all night with her...I don't think it's right for him to have to go to school so would you please explain to the headmaster why he is absent and also why Bella is...If they need evidence or proof then you ring me and I will get Carlisle on the case"

"Of course I will" she answered as I wrapped my own arms around her torso...She held me tightly in silence for a few minutes.

"Good morning my beautiful girls" Emmett's voice boomed into the kitchen however Alice and I continued to hug each other.

"Jeez what's happened?" Emmett asked...I couldn't see Alice's or his face to see what either of them may be thinking I just wanted to cry for Bella who had been down...Edward who had been in that place all night and for Carlisle who I know would be feeling more guilty than ever right now for his actions.

"Bella was admitted back to Sandgrove last night" Alice told Emmett steadily although I could tell that her emotion was holding her back somewhat.

"Do we know why?" Emmett asked

"No...Dad will tell mom later on today" Alice replied as Emmett exhaled....Without saying anything else he gently placed both my hands on my shoulders and hugged my back in comfort..I felt safer in the cocoon of two of my children and I smiled a little at how they had understood and not asked any more questions about Bella...My children knew when words were enough.

"Are you going to be okay here, mom?" Emmett asked

"Yes...You go off to school...You have practice now...I will have to go back to bed" I answered still in Alice's embrace.

"Is there anything you need...A hot water bottle...A hot drink?" Alice suggested and I chuckled pulling myself away from her hold. I placed my index finger under her chin.

"Save it for the baby" I stated with a smile as she smiled in response...Emmett had already walked out of the door joined by Rosalie who had been waiting outside.

"I am sorry I wasn't able to make you breakfast" I said to Alice as she collected her bag off of the floor.

"Don't be silly, mom...Look I know that Bella has been admitted because of me...It may not be the whole reason but dad's accusation and my pregnancy is a part of it...I am so sorry" she choked out as a couple of tears from each of her eyes had fallen down her cheek.

"Sweetie...Don't worry about pointing the blame at anyone...The most important thing is that we are all there for Bella because she needs us now more than ever...We will start anew somehow and forget this ever happened we will be natural in front of her...it's the best thing for her recovery"

Alice nodded, walked over to kiss my cheek and then walk out of the kitchen...Jasper gave me a small wave as I smiled in response and they both left the house...I was now in silence.

I made my way back up to my bedroom and threw myself underneath the covers not having a care in the world that I was fully dressed...I fell asleep instantly.

*~Alice~*

'Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed – Corita Kent'

As I left the house with Jazz and made my way to school I felt sick...Sick of the fact that Bella was now suffering because I made her promise to keep my secret...I knew why she had put that test in her pocket and I instantly felt like kicking myself...All the time she was wanting to protect me from my parents finding out unexpectedly before I had a chance to tell them myself and trust my father to put her washing in the washing machine the day she has that in her pocket and not in a bin.

I couldn't be angry at anyone but myself...Jazz had sensed my sadness and pain as he caressed my hand from the passenger's seat but he couldn't do anything this time...I needed to be careful with stress and sadness because of the baby but I couldn't stop thinking about Bella..The minute school finished tomorrow I would need to go and see her.

I walked glumly through the school gates but was met by Mike as I was about to walk into reception.

"Hello Alice...Did Bella hitch a ride with you today?" He asked me cheerily.

"No Mike...Bella was admitted into Sandgrove hospital last night" I replied as he gave me a rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights look.

"Fuck! Thanks Alice I will go and see her in my free periods this afternoon" he said before walking away from me...Well at least he shows he is caring but now in all honesty I couldn't see him and Bella working out and I did hope for Bella's sake that if she did decide to break up with him then he would take it easy on her in her fragile state...If he didn't then he would certainly have her three siblings to deal with.

I carried on with my school day with my head down and thoughts falling on Bella.

*~Edward~*

'The love we give away is the only love we keep – Elbert Hubbard'

I was awoken by the vibration of my phone...I looked around me and saw that I was still in the hallway however I was now placed in a chair rather than on the floor which I remember laying on last night as I cried. I stretched out my body as I then reached for my phone in my pocket.

Hi .E.

Can you meet me today? You name the place and I will bring ME.

Kisses

.J. x x

_Crap!_

In all the unexpected shit that went down last night with Bella I had completely forgotten about Jessica...I quickly typed a reply..As much as I would spend the rest of my life ensuring that Bella was okay she was currently in the room with my dad and I did not want to disturb them.

.J.

Meet me in the park by Sandgrove Hospital

Love .E. x

It wasn't long before I got another text in response.

.E.

Done...See you soon gorgeous!

.J. x x x

I put the phone back in my pocket and signed myself out on the clipboard at the desk..There was a younger woman who had filled in for the older woman last night and she was smiling at me as I put the time down on the sheet of paper...These people were not silly...They had probably already caught on that I was Carlisle Cullen's son...Either from hospital gossip or basic instinct but I had NO interest in what they thought or who the hell they were if I were in the world outside of this hospital I wouldn't give them a second glance.

_Great_ and now I was crabby because I hadn't slept...I felt dirty wearing last night's clothes and I couldn't walk home because it was too far..Why didn't I bring my Volvo last night?!

I walked out of the hospital completely and made my way over to the greenery of the park opposite..The crisp coldness of the air hitting my overheated face and the sound of rustling leaves that were still remaining on the tree – as it was winter there weren't really leaves more like crumpled up prunes...I sat on a nearby bench and breathed in and out to get the fresh air into my lungs...I placed my hands together to keep them warm.

I hadn't been sitting there long when I heard a car horn...I turned around behind me and I saw Jessica waving at me as she stepped out of her car...I stood up smiled a little back at her not in the mood to be the happy, cheerful boyfriend today. She trudged across the grass in the wrong pair of shoes altogether..As much as she looked good in them why did she always insist on wearing heels?!

"Hello baby" she cooed as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed me passionately..I let my lips move with hers but only a little. She pulled apart and kissed both my cheeks the coldness of them contrasting with the warmness of her lips...I rubbed her arms in an attempt to return the favour.

"So why are you here sweetie, are you with your dad or something"? Jess asked as we both sat down on the bench again...Jess's hand firmly in mine.

"Yeah..Well no not really...Bella was admitted here last night"

"Oh...That's horrible. I am sorry darling"

"That's alright don't worry yourself...I haven't slept. Anyway why are you here?"

"You not pleased to see me, then?" Jess teased.

"I didn't say that anyway I thought you had to go back to school yourself"

"No..I don't go back until next week"

"Oh right"

"You're off because of Bella, then?"

"Yes"

"Well I am free all day if you want to do something?"

"Um I don't know, Jess I mean I have to see to Bella and my dad has been up all night as well so...How about I text you tonight?"

"Yeah okay...Did you want to go and grab a drink...I passed a pub on my way here?"

"No...I gave up drinking"

"Huh...You always love a drink!"

"Not anymore"

"Well you are turning into a right bore aren't you?" Jessica teased.

"I will text you later tonight, Jess...If not I will ring you tomorrow"

"Fine" Jess said as she leaned in to kiss me again...I turned my head to so that her kiss landed on my cheek she huffed a little and stood up...Trudging her way back across the green to her car...I watched her go and then walked back into the hospital.

"You are Carlisle's son, aren't you?" The same woman at the reception asked me as I put my name back on the sheet and signed myself in.

"Yes" I answered not looking at her.

"Bella Swan is your adopted sister isn't she?"

"Yes" I put the pen down and looked at the receptionist.

"I looked after Bella when she was first admitted here...That was before your dad decided to adopt her" she stated and I nodded.

"Can I get you anything, Edward?" Charming...I always knew my dad spoke too much about us kids and now I was on first name basis with one of his colleagues.

"No...I don't want you to leave the desk" I answered...I wasn't going to risk someone else's jobs for my own needs.

"Oh!" she exclaimed "No...I am not a receptionist...My name is Tess and I am one of the staff nurses here..I am covering here whilst the real receptionist is on a break but considering that you and Carlisle have been the only people in here since last night.."

"Oh well thank you for offering...Is there any chance I can get two coffees?"

"Of course...However if the second cup is for Carlisle then I will have to take that up to his office...He is talking with another doctor about Bella's diagnosis"

"Okay great...I will go and be with my sister and collect it"

"I will bring it to you"

"Thank you" I said smiling widely at the nice woman..I then walked down the same disgusting hallway to Bella's room.

I walked in to find that she was still asleep no doubt drained from her assessment...I lay myself on the bed on my side so that our faces were together...I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed my forehead on hers.

"Edward?" Bella mumbled almost inaudibly.

"I am here, Bella" I replied kissing her forehead.

"Edward...I can't feel my body" she choked out...Fresh tears filled my eyes again as I pulled her tighter to me.

"I am sorry, sis...You will get better" I said steadily.

"I am in Sandgrove aren't I?"

"Yes"

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong...Don't ever think that there is anything wrong with you...You have been a little bit down recently and the doctors are going to make you feel better that's all"

"I don't know if I can, Edward" the tears escaped my eyes onto her hair.

"You can...You can Bella because you are strong..I will always be here for you...You know that, don't you?"

"I love you, Edward"

"I love you too, Bella...My darling little sister everything will be okay" Bella sighed and then was silent...I continued to hold her as she fell back to sleep again in the security of my hold.

Once she was asleep completely again...I wriggled out of her hold and placed her back down on the bed...I had stood up and stretched when the door opened.

"Hello Edward...I am sorry to disturb you but someone is here to see Bella" Tess told me.

"Who is it, Tess?"

"He says his name is Mike Newton"

Jesus Christ...As much as I desperately wanted to throw Mike back out again I had no right and after shouting my mouth off at my party I am not the brightest button in the box according to him. I exhaled.

"Sure....Show him in Tess" I said and she walked out...I ran my hand through my hair and waited on the spot.

Mike peered in around the door and looked taken aback when he had seen me standing there.

"Come in, Mike" I said as he edged around the door cautiously.

"I wanted to apologise for the way I spoke to you at my party...I was out of line"

"Oh well that's okay" Mike replied as he glanced over at Bella.

"I will leave you to it" I said walking past him and out of the door....He better not do anything to make Bella feel worse...If he does so to hell....

I would kill him and I didn't care who would be around to watch.

*~Bella~*

'Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle – James Russell Lowell'

"Bella?"

I mumbled at the sound of a voice that wasn't Edward's who had been holding me just now..I fluttered my eyes open still feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest and looked up at Mike who was sitting on my bed facing me.

"Mike?" I said and he smiled

"Hey" he said soothingly. "Alice told me you were here...I came to see if you were okay"

"I have been better" I slurred out.

"Jess, Angela and Eric are all worried about you...They asked me to send you their love and best wishes for a speedy recovery"

"Thanks, Mike"

"You're welcome...So...How long do you reckon you will be in here?"

"If I had a choice...I wouldn't be in here at all"

"Is there a reason for why you were admitted I mean people aren't just admitted to a place like this for merely falling down and grazing their knee?"

"I tried to cut myself....I hated myself because my dad was mad at me...I hated that my brother hated me for lashing out at him and I hated the way I felt inside"

"Bella...You shouldn't do that" Mike said as he took one of my hands and placed it in his...I pulled it away.

"Mike I need to tell you something" I said.

"Okay go ahead" he answered

"I don't want us to be together anymore" I stated my voice still croaky.

"What?"

"I am sorry...I just think that because of how low I feel right now I don't want to put you through that"

"What are you talking about, Bella? I am in love with you...I have been since I first met you and I would do anything for you...Anything to support you" Mike spoke a sadness in his voice.

"Mike I am so grateful that you feel that way"

"I don't get what the problem is, Bella...You were fine the night of the party"

"You need to accept that I have my own issues right now"

"I would know what they were Bella if you opened up to me...You are always so closed up and do you know how helpless that makes me feel?"

"I am sorry that I am not the best person for you"

"Bella just stop saying that...Right now...I will take care of you, Bella...Without me who are you going to have?"

"I will have my family"

"They sure have done a good job with you so far now you're in here"

"Leave them alone"

"I don't understand, Bella...The person that you call your brother shouted his mouth off at me at his party for no apparent reason and you didn't even begin to defend me"

"Mike...Don't you dare say that I did not defend you I dragged Edward outside and sung your praises about how you didn't deserve that...How you cared and how I was happy to be going out with you...-"

I reached over and pressed the nurse button "I think you need to go now, Mike"

"Now wait a minute...." Mike began

"Mike...I think you need to leave now as well" I looked over at Carlisle who was standing at the door with his arm leant against it.

Mike got up and walked out without another word as Carlisle closed the door and walked over to me.

"Are you alright, Bella?" I nodded. "Can I sit with you for a second?" I nodded again.

Carlisle sat down and turned his head to look at me..."I realise that I have yet to say sorry for my completely unnecessary behaviour to you back at the house last night"

I was about to move my hand to stop him when he carried on his explanation. "I was so quick to jump to conclusions Bella and I can't imagine how scared you must have been...I call myself a doctor and I am going and making you feel worse when I know you have had little sleep and haven't been feeling your usual self. You are right you do a lot for this family and we do not give you the respect you deserve back...If it weren't for Edward you wouldn't be getting treated right now and I will always be grateful to him for that, Bella"

"Carlisle-" I began

"No....Bella I don't expect your forgiveness and I don't want you to forgive me until you have thought about it...You are far too selfless for your own good"

"I was hurt dad by what you were insinuating and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't upset about what happened....It's not just you...It's my own issues as well and it is my own fault for not owning up to them sooner"

"None of this is your fault, Bella"

"Would someone please allow me to take some of the blame?"

"We would but you are not to blame, Bella"

"Carlisle...If you trust me at all then you will trust me now" I stated. Carlisle looked taken aback for a moment.

"What is it that you have done, Bella?"

"I can't tell you...All I can say is that it is nothing I have done"

"Bella?"

"Please, dad...Please believe me" I pleaded.

"Okay Bella...I believe you" he said...I lifted my heavy body up and wrapped myself around him...Letting the sobs break through as I breathed in his beautiful scent.

"I am so sorry, Bella" Carlisle said above me...I cried more and more until I could no longer see anything else in the room...It was uncontrollable like a force but I suppose this was all natural...I wanted to go away...I wanted to go back to England but then I didn't because I loved the Cullens...I wasn't a Cullen and I was never going to be connected to them by blood...

I just didn't know what to do anymore....

I couldn't find my own inner summer in the over clouding winter on the surface and If I didn't find it I was sure that I was going to give up fully.

I want my REAL home...

I want my REAL mum.....

*~Edward~*

'Compassion literally means to feel with, to suffer with. Everyone is capable of compassion, and yet everyone tends to avoid it because it's uncomfortable. And the avoidance produces psychic numbing – resistance to experiencing our pain for the world and other beings – Joanna Macy'

Glancing at my watch again I didn't have the energy to work out how long I had been in the hospital or how long I had gone without sleep...I jumped at my dad coming out of Bella's room.

"Dad...Is she okay?" I asked

"Yes she is fine...It is a very mild depression we are putting her on a two-week intensive course of therapy to try and make her feel better...I want to thank you Edward for telling me about her...Any longer and the depression could have become a whole lot worse"

"That's ok....I would do anything for her" I replied and dad smiled.

"Listen I am going to be here a little longer...Take my car back home and get some shut-eye...Tell Esme I will explain everything when I get home"

Dad reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys and held them out to me.

"But...dad-" I started to protest when my dad put up his hand.

"Bella is in good hands, Edward...You need to get some sleep you are welcome to come back tomorrow after school and see her"

I nodded glumly and took the keys...I waved at Tess on the reception desk and then walked out to the car...Climbing in and making my way home.

I walked into the front door to find Esme asleep on the sofa...I paced over to her as quietly as I could and kissed her cheek before turning the bedside lamp off and pulling the blanket that was resting on her feet over her whole body..She did not move once.

"I love you, mom" I whispered to her and then left to walk up the stairs.

I glanced once inside Bella's room and closed the door completely...I opened my own bedroom door and almost jumped out of my own skin when I saw Alice and Emmett both look up at me from my bed..Apologetic looks on their faces.

I don't know what came over me in that moment...I sobbed allowing the tears fill up my eyes and fall down my cheeks as I walked over to my bed and collapsed in the middle of my brother and sister...Alice leant her head on mine and Emmett wrapped his arm around my middle...I allowed myself to cry and my siblings did not say anything to me...They didn't need to I knew that they were shedding tears themselves.

Sitting here as a three with Alice and Emmett was strange...We had always been a three until a few months ago and now our own once-perfect jigsaw was now incomplete.

Our now-perfect number of four wasn't there.

Bella wasn't here....

And I hated it.

*~Carlisle~*

'Accept the things that you cannot change and begin to change the things you cannot accept' (**My personal life quote)**

I left the hospital later than I had expected to...I had gone to great lengths to make sure that Bella would be under constant supervision by my colleagues until could look after her myself in the morning...

"I am sorry to hear about your daughter again, Carlisle" Frank said as we walked out into the hospital car lot.

"Thanks Frank...There's not much I can do now but make sure that she gets better"

"Indeed...She will be fine, she is a little fighter...I knew it the first time she came here"

"I just hope that she can pull through this...I don't know what my family would do if we ever lost her"

Frank said nothing else as we climbed into the car.

A sickly feeling took over my stomach as Frank pulled up into my driveway.

"Thank you, Frank" I said as I released my seat belt from my body

"You're welcome, Carlisle..Have a good night"

I climbed out and waved at Frank as he drove off...I got to put my hand on the doorknob as I stood still for a moment...I was returning to the scene of my crime after all.

After composing myself I walked in to find my beautiful Esme sleeping on the sofa...I dropped my keys on the table and knelt down in front of her...I leaned in to kiss her nose..Her eyes immediately fluttered open.

"Oh Carlisle" she exclaimed as I moved my lips down to hers and kissed her lovingly as she had taken one of her hands out of the blanket to stroke my cheek.

Once I broke our contact I stared into her eyes.

"Is Bella going to be okay. Sweetheart?" She asked me quietly

"I have a feeling that she is going to be just fine...I can be sure as you know with me I can't make fixed decisions"

Esme nodded and yawned...Suddenly putting her hand to her mouth.

"Come on" I said as I tangled my arms underneath her legs and picked her up with the blanket still around her....Esme placed her head in my neck and kissed it feverishly as I led her up the stairs to our bedroom.

The rest of the house was quiet and I assumed that everyone else had been asleep.

I cuddled up to Esme as we both lay in our beds...For the first time we were in our day clothes and not our pyjamas...I couldn't help but think that things weren't the same.

Bella was not here and I knew that this was all partially my own fault.

But I would stick by her recovery process and make sure that she fought this...

If it were the last thing that I would ever do

I owed her that much and I loved her too much to stand by and watch her fall.

**Soo Mike and Bella are over....!**

**He won't be gone completely though...Some people have a way of haunting you ****!**

**Next TWO chapters will be all about Bella's recovery before I skip to the FIRST Cullen Xmas after those.**

**Thanks again for sticking with this story...If you are VERY lucky I will update TWO chapters today if I can get my laptop working...Fingers crossed.**

**Songs for this chapter were: 'In the arms of an angel' – Sarah McLaughlin**

'**Surrender' – Evanescence and Within Temptation**

**Love to you all....! x**

**Reviews are MUCH appreciated....ALWAYS!**

**LOVE **

**.S.**

**x x**


	25. Inner Revelations

**Second update of the day...YOU lucky BEES :D!**

**Thank you very much 'ajayee' for your ALWAYS great thoughts and opinions on AML...They are my driving force...x x**

**Also thank you to 'Kiss07'**

**So enough from me...On with Madamoiselle Bella **

**I DO NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML.**

*~Bella~*

Have you ever had occasions in your lives where you don't know how you feel....You don't feel sad until you cry and you don't feel happy until you smile...You just feel NUMB?

Numb was the right word for how I felt...As much as the various different nurses and doctors have come into my room and said that none of this is my fault is mind-blowing. I knew that none of this was down to me...I go through life trying to help people as best I can because I know what it is like to feel alone...But right now I couldn't be more alone...No matter how many times Edward said to me I was going to be alright...How many times Carlisle had said he was sorry...I needed to forgive him and no doubt I would because he has been there for me since day one but to actually have the energy to say that I forgive them and now we can move on is non-existent.

I had drifted in and out of restless sleep...I had never slept so much in my life since now...I always felt tired and even when I cried I felt tired and drained and headaches seemed to be my best friend.

I was somehow content laying on the bed of Sandgrove and letting the people in their world live their lives without me...Living in a cave of my own and never wanting to show myself...After what happened with Mike I came under the conclusion that my whole life had been made to be as awful as it is...I had been living with my mum for years with addiction and always coming second to her...Then I was saved by Dr Cullen and his family...But obviously now that hadn't gone right because I have ended up in here..Was there much point in having any hope at all?

The other reason why things hadn't worked out with the Cullens was also because...I had fallen for my adopted brother.

I am completely and unconditionally in love with Edward...However, as much as I keep admit it to myself I could never admit it to anyone else...I didn't want people to think that I was disgusting or wrong in my emotions and also the fact that Edward still had Jessica was a prime factor...I have never been a jealous person and I was NOT jealous of Jessica...She knew Edward way before I came on the scene and joined the players and she deserved him...They deserved each other. I just couldn't help that every time Edward kissed me, or touched me or held me in his arms that I was the person who belonged to him because believe me I would...He could have every part of my soul and every angle of my heart if he asked for it.

I understand that Edward isn't the nicest person in the world and he can be a complete idiot when he wanted to be but it's true what they say that you can't help who you fall for...Why did I have to go and kiss him and make it all ten times worse? God how I wished things would go back to the way they were before the kiss and then I wouldn't have ended up where I am now...I was happy being his sister and even now if I ever got better than I would continue to be his sister and just suffer in silence...There was no way he would go for a girl like me and he looks on me as his younger sister and I would prefer having him as a brother then lose him altogether....The thought of losing him is unbearable.

Would I risk everything just to hear Edward say that he loved me back? _No_. So now I would have to learn to steer my feelings back to the way they were and find a person I could love completely and not use them like I had with Mike.

My thought shower was interrupted when my door opened.

"Bella beautiful?" At least I was thankful about one thing being in here and that was that I had Tess...I had bonded with her already and didn't have to go through the awkward situations of meeting new people especially when they are looking after you medically. I remained motionless with my thoughts.

"It's lunchtime sweetheart...Did you want me to get anything for you from the cafeteria"? I shook my head...If given the choice I would never eat again I already felt sick enough and the thoughts of food hadn't swayed me in any way...I could just picture Emmett in this kind of place eating, sleeping and flirting with women all day...I reckon he would love it.

"Bella-"She said as she closed the door and walked over to my bed and sitting on it "you need to eat something...Your weight is going to go down drastically" she informed me....Why should I have any care what I eat or what I weigh when the one person I really needed wasn't there with me..._Good start on swaying those feelings Bella, why is life so hard?_

"Well...If you won't eat a full meal then let me suggest something?" Bless Tess for trying but what is she going to do? Bring out some bread and cheese that she has hidden in her pinafore?

I said nothing as Tess pulled out something from her pinafore..._Told you._ A rattling of a packet filled the room and I didn't have the energy to look up and see what it was.

"Jelly baby?" She asked me as she showed me the yellow packet...I couldn't remember the last time I had sweets or any kind of confectionary product. I shook my head.

"You need to eat, Bella...These babies can't eat themselves and besides if I eat them all then I get love handles" Tess stated..I wanted to laugh but I couldn't...Will I ever smile again?

Tess pulled out some sweets from the packet and placed them in front of me on the bed..."There we go now you have every colour so you don't miss out" I glanced down at the sweets on the bed and looked back to the wall in seconds...Tess sighed "Bella, please?" She pleaded.

If eating a sweet would make her go away and leave me alone then I was more than happy to oblige...She had been so great to me when I needed her and I knew that she would be there for me again but right now I didn't need her...I didn't need anyone except the boy I loved..._Oh for Christ sake, Bella!_

I reached over slowly and grabbed a baby – or whatever it is they were called and brought it up to my mouth...They didn't smell very good but I would eat insects if it could get me a moment's peace...I chewed it and savoured it in my mouth again not having much like for the taste...I put the rest of it in my mouth and swallowed it down...Tess looked at me with a smile but I didn't return the smile or her gaze.

"They're good, huh? Tell you what..I will leave them on the bedside table for you and you can nibble at them when you have your assessment soon...I am sure Doctor Owens wouldn't mind" Another doctor assigned to take care of me...I didn't need therapy...I needed Edward.

Tess stroked my cheek again I lacked the energy of looking at her in the face as she walked back out of my room closing the door behind her.

_Silence_

_Sweet, amazing silence...!_

I couldn't help but think about Mike either...I had gone about my relationship...Actually, I don't think it is fair to call it a relationship the complete wrong way...When I had kissed Mike I pictured Edward and when Mike looked at me the way he did I desired Edward to look at me that way...How can they call love healthy? When you feel like a goddamn stalker when you think about them every minute of every day.

I wasn't healthy...I knew I wasn't....Was talking to a counsellor really going to make all my problems and current emotions go away? – Carlisle had owned some kind of magic wand when I had met him and would this Dr Owens own one too?

"Miss Swan?" I was snapped out of my trance again..Why is it every time you need to have a bit of self-reflection you are interrupted. However I had always had my reflection in my diary and I hadn't done that since probably my third night at the Cullens'...I didn't miss it and I didn't feel chained to it like I had done when I first came here...Maybe I am changing.

I forced myself to look up at my assessor who was much younger than both Carlisle and Doctor Albertson who had both been my carers the first time along with Tess. He gave me a warm smile..I attempted to give one back but I didn't let the smile reach my eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Great question...They always seem to ask the same thing the people in this kind of profession...I am in HERE I am not exactly peachy..._Don't be too mad at him, Bella he is only doing his job._

"Fine" I said simply not wanting to say anything more.

"My name is Dr Owens but you can call me Oliver...I am the physiatrist assigned to you."

"Hi" I replied..._Oh god let this be over._

"Do you prefer Isabella or Bella"? Well that was a change...Most people had automatically called me Isabella and I felt the need to have to correct them however I had actually been ASKED which name I preferred this time.

"Bella" I replied and he hummed in understanding.

"So, Bella...Do you mind if I sit down?" He worked here and yet he was asking me if he could sit down...._Calm down, Bella._

"You can sit" I said steadily as he sat down on the chair opposite the bed..My old room in here had the bed facing the door but in this room it was facing the wall...He looked on at me from the chair no doubt analysing my position or whatever it is these people looked for with people who are insane..._Was that what I was now? Insane...I would just call myself infatuated in all honesty._

"So...Bella...How old are you?" Okay it was official...This man was going to make me speak and I had learnt quickly with Tess that if you spoke all of this will be over..They will put it on their record and put it back in the draw never to be opened again until you had something wrong with your general health in the future.

"Sixteen" I answered still not looking at him.

"You in school?"

"Yes"

"Do you know if you have a history of mental health problems that run in your family?" How was I supposed to know that...I lived with an alcohol-dependant mum for most of my life...I never went out unless I had to...I was basically a hermit...Did that qualify as a mental health issue? _Who the hell knows?_

"I don't know" I answered him.

"That's okay...Most people who are diagnosed with depression have never had it before...But it is hereditary and it does run in family blood lines"

Depression....I had always found that a horrible word..Was there such a thing has having depression, though I thought people were depressed when they were having a bad day or week...Is it permanent?

"Is that what I have?" I asked him

"Depression..Yes, Bella...You are fortunate however to be in the early stages...It seems that your father, Carlisle and your brother Edward brought you in just in time" There I was trying to keep my mind off of the Cullens because missing them hurt too much and then a complete stranger with an ID page comes in and mentions them.

"I don't want to talk about them?" I said

"Sorry if that is a sensitive subject for you, Bella...I am just making conversation" Conversation? Whatever!

"It's not a sensitive subject...I just miss them that's all"

"That's natural"

"Being depressed isn't natural though is it?" What was going on? Why was I talking back? Okay Dr Oliver Owens also owned a magic wand....._Grrr!_

"No it isn't natural but it's not incurable"

"Isn't it?"

"No and the fact that you are in here is proof that you have the strength to get through it...You just need to find a purpose"

"A purpose?"

"Yes..Something that makes you happy...Like if you had a certain talent for something like...Oh, let's see...Dance...That would be starting point...If you wanted to have a career in dance then you would plan out all your options and then you would know where you are going in life"

"I can't dance"

Oliver chuckled lightly "No I am not either...It was just an example. Do you have a talent? Or is there anything that you are particularly good at in school?"

"I don't mind school...I don't know what I want to do though and I do not have a talent"

"That's fine...younger people don't know what they want and it may be that you do possess a talent for something you just don't know it, yet. Every person is good at something"

_Were there people in this world who were good at being a wimp or hiding their feelings because I would snap that award right up._

"Do you have any hobbies, Bella?"

"I like to read"

"Really that's good! What do you like to read?" I took the chance then to look at him for the first time...I wasn't interested in what he looked like but rather the fact that he wasn't writing anything down.

"Aren't you supposed to be writing this down?" I asked him.

"Did you want me to write something down...I decided that today would be off the record just so that we could get to know one another?"

"Oh..Well thank you...No I would prefer you didn't write anything. I like detailed books...Novels from however many centuries ago"

"You an Austen girl?"

"How did you guess?"

"Every woman in the world loves Jane Austen..Whether they realise it or not"

"Well I am an Austen and a Bronte girl"

"Which Bronte?"

"Emily"

"The best one" he smiled at me widely. "I read science fiction because I am a man but I also like a bit of fantasy...I read the Harry Potter stories to my little girl"

"You have a little girl?"

"Yes..she is nearly four now...She loves Hogwarts...She doesn't actually say Hogwarts though she just says 'Warts'"

I took the time to picture Alice and Jasper with their child...That was a picture that would melt a thousand hearts – They would be amazing parents much better ones than I would hope to be if I ever had children in the future...I missed them so much.

"That's cute" I replied as he chuckled lightly.

There was a sudden knock at the door as Tess peered around the corner.

"Sorry to interrupt the session Doctor Owens" Tess said apologetically

"That's okay Tess I was about to finish anyway"

"There is a visitor for you, Bella....Her name is Alice" My heart soared at the mention of my sister's name...Dr Owens had gotten up from his seat and walked towards the door..He turned to me.

"A friend?"

"No...My sister"

"Well you have fun, Bella....It was nice meeting you"

"Nice meeting you too" I replied with a small smile...He was okay and I reckon this whole therapy thing would be okay to swallow for the time being if he was going to be in charge. Oliver left the room but left it open.

Alice walked in moments later with an apologetic look on her face and closed the door...I clambered up from laying down to sit on my knees as she came over to me.

"Bella I'm so-"before she could finish I had grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into me...The tears of my pain falling down my cheeks.

"Please don't say sorry, Alice...I am fed up with people saying they are sorry...I missed you so much" I choked out as she hugged me with just as much force and more...Kissing the side of my head and stroking my hair in comfort.

"Oh, Bella...I have missed you too...We all have...It's just not the same without you at home" she stated and I cuddled into her neck further smelling the scent of her shampoo on her hair.

I stayed wrapped up in my sister for longer than most hugs were deemed necessary before pulling away and wiping the tears from my eyes...Her eyes were also watery as I stroked her cheek.

"Don't cry, Alice...Don't cry because of me" I said as she shook her head.

"I am crying because I missed you but then again being pregnant makes you cry more" I looked down at her tummy..She hadn't even formed a bump yet but her eyes excelled radiance underneath the watery surfaces...I put my hand on her tummy and leant forward to kiss the centre of her stomach just underneath her navel...She giggled under my touch.

"Well enough about us...How is everything with you. Edward said this morning that Mike came to see you last night"

I pulled my face back up to fully face her "Oh yeah he did"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to say...Well I kind of..-" I broke off.

"Bella you don't have to tell me if you don't want to...I will tell you that Emmett will be around to see you tomorrow turns out coach has given him a day off from training"

"Tell him thank you" I said "I broke up with Mike"

"Oh you did?" Alice shot me a sympathetic look as I nodded.

"Yeah...I couldn't do it to him?"

"Couldn't do what?"

"Allow him to see me like this"

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Bella"

"I know but I wouldn't want anyone putting me through this unless I made a choice on my own to stick by them"

"That's fair enough...So do you regret it?"

"I should do but I don't"

"Really?" Alice stroked her tummy with one of her hands as i giggled lightly "Sorry it's a force of habit" Alice finished

"Yes...It wouldn't have worked out anyway"

"I am glad you feel like you have made the right decision, Bella...I came here today to see you but to also say thank you"

"What do you have to thank me for?"

"For speaking to Jasper about the whole pregnancy thing...If I knew that you had rung him I would have only tried to talk you out of it...He is very grateful to you, Bella...We both are and I don't think we would have made a choice without your help"

"Really, Alice it was nothing...Oh by the way could you please not tell anyone about me and Mike...At least not yet?"

"Of course I won't, Bella....Oh I have brought something for you" she said as she reached into her bag on the bed...She pulled out my diary.

"I know you don't like anyone touching it...But I know how much you used to write in it and well I figured you might need it in here to make you feel a bit better" she said....I wasn't mad at her for touching it..If anything I was pleased that she had the thought to bring it...I took it from her grasp and wrapped my free arm around her shoulders.

"Thank you, Alice" I said into her ear and kissed her cheek.

"You're welcome, Bella" she said

*~Edward~*

_Smack that_

_All on the floor_

_Smack that_

_Give me some more_

_Note to self...Change ringtone!_

"Hi Jess"

"_Hey pookie...How are you doing?"_

"I am doing okay...I could be better"

"_Shall I come round..We could go out or something...Take your mind off of things"_

"No thank you for the offer, babe but I need to see Bella today...Can we reschedule for tomorrow night instead?"

"_Of course...You know I am sorry about what I did to Bella aren't you?"_

"Yes I know, Jess"

"_I just hope that she can like me"_

"I am sure she will, Jess"

"_I miss you"_

"I miss you too...Don't worry we will catch up tomorrow okay?"

"_Okay I look forward to it...I love you"_

"Me too...Bye"

I hung up the phone...I had one more hour before I would go and see Bella...The best way to do that would be to carry on playing my set for my assessment in the summer...I lifted my hands and pressed the keys to begin the song again my thoughts flying along with the melody of the keys.

*~Bella~*

I had eaten all of the jelly babies that Tess had left on the bed...I had given the packet on my bedside table a few glances but I never gave into temptation to eat the rest of them.

I had been writing away about various things since Alice left...I felt so much better now that she had come to see me and she had also kindly offered to get me some things if I was ever in need of them.

I closed my diary and put it under my pillow when my door opened.

"Bella...Edward is here" Tess sang as I put my hands in my lap and nodded at her to send him in...I ran my fingers through my hair...._That's going to help Bella...You probably already look so much like shit that you belong on a horse manure pile._

Edward came in and smiled at me as I pulled a pillow up from behind me to put behind my back as I leant against it.

"Nice to see you sitting up, today" Edward said as he made his way over to me before stopping and glancing at the bedside table "there was me thinking that people usually sent others grapes whilst they were in hospital...I guess the times are changing" trust him to make not of something that I didn't care about actually I don't know why I am moaning because I was relieved just to hear his voice again.

Edward had been so great to me during my episode and I didn't know how I was ever going to make it up to him...I will have to think of something big one day to prove my point. He hadn't once complained and I admired him more for that.

"So how are you feeling, sis...You look better" he said and I smiled a little...I personally thought I looked like shit how can someone make me feel so good about myself..._Because you have been hit by the train wreck that is the human heart, Bella._

"Thanks" I replied as he sat down...He immediately put his arms around my shoulders as I cuddled into his chest..._This, here...This was my home...This is where I truly belonged...I only hope that he would know that one day._

"How was your day?" I asked him partly listening to the sound of his breathing and rising chest.

"It was okay...Home's horrible without you, Bella"

"I am sure it's not that bad"

"It is"

I shied away for a moment wanting to kick myself...He must miss my company as much as I missed his.

"I'm sorry" I said apologetically.

"What did I say to you last night, Bella?"

"I can't remember most of it" I admitted regretfully as he kissed my head.

"I said you should never apologise...I know that none of this was your fault, sis"

"Why does it feel like it?"

"I don't know...I have never had depression...Don't be afraid, Bella everyone has it at some point one day I will have it and you will be helping me"

"Of course I would, Edward"

"I am sorry to have to do this, sis but I said some things to my mom yesterday that I shouldn't have and in case you hear it from another person...I need to clear it up myself"

"What is it, Edward?"

"I was angry at my mom always going on about you and I said that you were the clear favourite out of all of us when it came to my parents"

"Edward, that's ridiculous" I said as I moved away from his chest looking up at him confused.

"It IS ridiculous...I am horribly stubborn and when I am angry I get even worse than my dad I am trying so hard to work on it, Bella"

"You have Jessica...Can you tell her what is bothering you?"

"I am not personal with Jessica...For obvious reasons"

"What do you mean?"

"Never tell people your inner thoughts and secrets because you never really know who to trust"

_Amen to that....There was no way I was EVER going to tell Edward how I really felt about him now._

"Oh"

"Yeah...We're good but we are not personal....So I am here to say sorry in advance, Bella"

"Okay...Well...I am not the favourite and even if I was I wouldn't want it...I don't like being the centre of attention"

"I wasn't used to the change...Adapting from three to four and I went horribly about it and now I went and said something so cruel"

"We all say things when we are mad, Edward"

"Not THOSE kind of things"

"Don't worry about it"

"How is it that you can forgive me so easily?" _I don't know maybe because I love you._

"You're my brother and families stick together"

"We should stick together more...You shouldn't have ended up in here"

"It's not so bad"

"Don't lie to me, Bella...You are suffering admit it?"

"Would it matter if I did?"

"How can you say that?"

"I don't know things just come out of me....Things that are so horribly negative and I hate myself for it"

"I can't do anything Bella, and I so badly want to"

"It's okay"

"No it sure as hell is not OKAY, Bella"!

"Edward...It's fine"

"I can never go right with you..."

"You treat me so well, Edward..I couldn't ask anyone for anymore" I answered as I placed my hand on his shoulder as he turned to face me...Both our faces now freakishly close together...All of a sudden Edward's lips were on mine...._Oh no...Fight it, Bella...Fight it...Pull away tell him that this is wrong._

I instantly opened my mouth for him as I took his tongue from his mouth to massage it with my own...God I have missed his mouth on mine...He tasted so good and he made me feel so good. I edged myself closer into his chest as he continued to attack my mouth...I fought hard not to moan...I couldn't let him see what this was doing to me.

I had begun to turn dizzy and lightheaded when Edward pulled his lips from mine..I opened my eyes to see him staring back at me biting his lip.

"Fuck...I shouldn't have done that, Bella"

"Edward...It's-"

"No...You were vulnerable I am so sorry Bella...Again...I don't know what came over me...God what the hell is wrong with me" He flew up from the bed and ran out of my room without another word...I touched my lips as the tears begun to fall.

Now things had definitely gotten more complicated...How was I supposed to know if that was real? It couldn't be real because he had Jessica and I hadn't yet told him that I had broken up with Mike and I doubted that he would know about that already because he would have confronted me about it...Wouldn't he?

I was about to crawl back under my duvet when my door opened again for the hundredth time today.

"Bella...love is everything okay?" Tess asked...I shook my head letting a few more tears go as she ran over to sit where Edward had just been. "What is it, honey?"

"That's my brother" I choked out

"Yes...I know that, Bella...Did he upset you?"

"No...Thing is...I am in love with him...Not in the way a sister loves a brother but...the way a girl loves a boy" I managed to explain.

"Oh...That is what has been bothering you...Oh sweetheart" Tess exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around me..I sunk into her not caring that I would probably drench her uniform.

"Do you know if he feels the same way?"

"Of course he doesn't...He kissed me and it was no doubt a kiss of pity because he had seen me in here" I replied as Tess stroked my back.

"He would be a fool not to love you back, Bella"

"No...He would be SANE not to love me back"

"Don't be silly...Bella he is a man and they are so easily confused..When did your feelings for him start?"

I pulled away from Tess but kept my distance to her close...she pulled out a tissue from the box on the bedside table and handed it to me.

"Thanks...I didn't know how to kiss someone and Edward kind of taught me and the way he kissed me...I just...melted"

"I know that feeling, Bella...Let me guess you had a boyfriend and when you kissed him it wasn't the same?"

I laughed lightly in amazement "How did you know?"

"Every woman has gone through that at some stage in their lives"

"I am sorry for rambling...It just feels so good to be off my chest"

"I am not surprised being with him everyday must be torture"

"He has a girlfriend too"

"Oh god...What about your boyfriend?"

"I broke up with him yesterday when I admitted to myself properly that I was in love with my brother"

"Good god, Bella no wonder you are a mess"

"Tess...Can you please not put this on the record...I don't want Carlisle to get hold of it...At least not for the moment"

"Of course not, Bella...oh duck you must be so confused right now..."

"Yeah something like that"

"Well I am working the night shift did you want me to stay here with you for a while at least until you are tired enough to sleep?"

"If you wouldn't mind"

"It would be my honour baby girl" she replied back with a wide smile and I laid back down..Tess grabbed the bag of jelly babies off of the bedside table.

"I think I need some more babies" she said as she began to eat them..I smiled.

I instantly felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders...I had Tess to talk to about things now as I lay down my thoughts drifted towards what Oliver had said to me earlier on today.

'_All you need is a purpose to get you started_

_A purpose_

_A purpose'_

I HAD a purpose...It was Edward...Edward was the reason I couldn't let this illness pull me down I needed to be strong for both him and me...I needed to show everyone that beating a mental illness can be done.

_You can do this, Bella....You just have to believe that everything will turn out alright._

*~Edward~*

I ran out of the hospital gaining a few concerned look from the staff...As I stepped out into the parking lot I glanced once at my parked car and then reached for my phone.

I dialled the number of the person I needed....

"_Edward honey do you know what time it is?!"_

"Jess we need to talk....Now"

**First cliff-hanger...Sorry! **

**It's all heating up now!!**

**Thanks to the readers and also to the people who are still favouriting this story...I am back to the world of acting again tomorrow so I will update ASAP depending on how much work I get...!!**

**Keep reviewing and letting me know what you are all thinking in those AMAZING MINDS** **of yours.**

**Lots of love ALWAYS....X**

**.S.**

**X x x x**


	26. Normality?

**Back....Back....Back!**

**I am SORRY about the cliffy but it had to be done...Everyone has to love a bit of suspense :D and I did it because I can...!!**

**Wow the MOST reviews I think I have ever received for the last two chapters...So here is my list of THANKS....**

***Raven Jadewolfe, Cullengirl08, Kiss007, Sylvia Cullen, ajayee and laceycrazy08* = LOVE**

***TwilightFreak13* - I am SO happy that you are enjoying AML and I thank you so much for taking the time to review it and you are VERY welcome...x**

***Rawwr* - As always my little Scottie I am sorry that you got lost on the convo..!! I didn't mean to confuse you...I promise! **

**Edward's remark of 'me too' was COMPLETLEY intentional on my part for TWO reasons...One was because he was about to kiss Bella in the same chapter and you can't say 'I love you' to a person and then be unfaithful to them...I do NOT condone Edward's behaviour in any way possible but it just made the kiss more real....Also I figured that because Edward's mind was so full of Bella that he would probably FORGET to say it back to Jessica as well....But we all know that we do not want E/J... it's E/B all the way :D!**

***Katie Lou Lou* - Thank you for that LOVELY review...I appreciate it...I am sorry but I had done two updates yesterday and I was SOOOO drained but I hope this helps...x x**

***EllaJ 18* - Lots of love to you for those thoughts....You MADE my day....x x x**

*~Edward*

Pacing around the landscape grounds outside was tiring...I had the freezing cold not to mention that I was now harbouring thoughts for my younger sister that were far from normal....Jesus I don't know which was worse...The fact that I was almost-dying from Hypothermia or the fact that I loved my sister.

Oh no not the kind of love that is SUPPOSED to exist between siblings....You know like a NORMAL brother and sister...I felt for Bella what I had always wanted to feel with Jessica however now fate clearly had other plans for me...Someone up there hates me.

I had been waiting for Jess for over half an hour...I could no longer feel my fingers...Or my toes for that matter..._Fuck me was I screwed in more ways that one._

_How the hell do you now go about telling the girl that you lusted over for months on end that in actual fact it is not her that you want to be with...You want to stop being with her to be with your...YOUNGER sister...How was anyone going to take that well??_

_Edward you have a choice now my friend...You can just tell Jessica that you want to go back with her to my house or you can end it and admire from a distance....There was no way in hell that she would go for a guy like me I had screwed up so much with her that she probably couldn't stand the sight of me now._

_Admiring from a far....Or having a girlfriend that you are unhappy with....Weighing scaled situation would show Bella far in favour._

Like hell did I love Bella....I am sure that I have been in love with her since we met I was just so concerned about making sure that she forgave me all the times I screwed up that I didn't see the bigger picture...she was so beautiful and so caring and just everything that I wished I could be and more...I just needed her all the time...I didn't care about anyone else in the same way.

Is that sick?

I could just imagine the look on my father and mother's faces....It's not worth thinking about what they would think of me having these feelings for Bella....I didn't care though I would have all I needed in my life if Bella were in it.....What the hell was I going to do now?

I turned abruptly at the sound of car tyres squealing against the road...Jessica's car was there as she stormed out...Okay fair enough I had rung her at a very ungodly hour but I couldn't wait anymore...I would spend the whole night thinking about Bella and not be able to sleep because I would also be worrying about how I was hurting Jessica.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jessica shouted ploughing her way across the field..._With the right shoes this time._..The sound of her voice bouncing off of the trees and trailing away with the wind...Oh god it was now or never.

"Edward...What is the meaning of this?" Jess had now reached me...Her hair in a mess and her face free of all makeup...Why didn't I find her beautiful like I had done before? This was all because of that stupid kiss that Bella wanted to learn on me... There I was playing the big 'I AM' saying to Bella that I wasn't going to fall in love with her when she kissed me...It was all a recipe for disaster...I should have walked away.

Now what the hell had I done....Kissed Bella because she had looked so irresistible and the fact that she had complimented me putting her heart and soul into what she was saying had also heightened my desire for her...How could I have done that to her when she was clearly vulnerable, stuck in a god-forsaken awful place all alone at night and with no one she knew in the hospital to join her apart from a staff nurse and my dad...Who in actual fact hadn't been on the best terms with Bella anyway...She was still upset with him even if she hadn't admitted it to anyone.

"I'm sorry, Jessica" I said whole-heartedly as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Well what was it that was so important it couldn't wait, Edward?" Jess was angry and she had every right to be...But I needed this...I needed to prove a point to myself.

"Kiss me, Jessica?"

"What?!" Jessica exclaimed

"Please Jessica....Kiss me" I pleaded...When she hadn't moved I had closed the distance between us striding towards her and grabbing her hair in my hands and crashing my mouth onto hers...Jessica was still until I parted her mouth with mine and she then melted into me...Running her hands through my hair and moving her tongue along with mine.

_I knew it...It doesn't feel the same._

_How could I have not noticed this before?!_

I pulled her lips from mine with a heavy sigh.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Jessica asked me as I turned my back on her to run my hands through her hair. There was only one person who I enjoyed kissing and one person who I would spend my whole life kissing if given the choice...That person was Bella.

"I am sorry, Jess" I said unable to face her.

"Sorry... Sorry for what?" She said to my back...I swivelled around my hands on top of my head and looked at her.

"It's not the same"

"What are you talking about Edward?"

"God why does this happen now?"

"What....What's happened?"

"I'm so sorry Jessica"

"Sorry about WHAT? Edward you are really worrying me now" Jessica almost yelled.

"I can't do this, Jessica"

"What can't you do, Edward?"

"I can't do this...Us....I can't so it anymore, Jess"

Jess opened her mouth to say something and then shut it after a few seconds...I was sure that the realisation had just hit her.

"Edward...Please say you are not breaking up with me?"

"I am, Jess....I don't want to be with you anymore" I said my voice instantly starting to crack...This was proving to be one of the hardest things I have ever done...I felt the tears prickle at my eyes...I had never felt so much like an arsehole than in this particular moment in time...I had done many things to Bella but I knew that doing this to Jessica was even worse and completely unnecessary...There was a small part of me that wanted to have the feelings that I used to have for her but Bella....Bella was my life, she is the reason I live and have breath in my body I just don't think I could function without her and I most definitely couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist..._I had it bad._

"You did NOT just drag me out here at THIS time of night to break up with me?!" Jessica exclaimed...Jesus did she look different when she was angry...Almost like completely different person and it was strange how she was my girlfriend and yet I had never seen her angry or upset and now I counted myself lucky that I hadn't seen this sooner.

"Jess...I am sorry" I said...I didn't know what to say...This was low even for me.

"You're SORRY...Is that supposed to make me feel better, Edward?"

"No of course not...What do you want me to say, Jess?"

"I want YOU...I want to be with YOU...I want you to say that you don't know what you are thinking because you are clearly unable to sleep"

"I can't do that, Jess...I would be lying to you"

"So instead of lying you drag me out here in the freezing cold for hours?!"

"Yes"

"Do you have any kind of conscience; Edward...Is there someone else?"

"I don't know whether I have a conscience...I already feel so awful about doing this to you, Jessica"

"Then DON'T do it...I can go home right now and we can forget about all of this"

"No, Jess"

"So there IS someone else...There has to be?"

"Jess?"

"No don't deny it...Don't you DARE lie to me...You owe me the truth at least"

"I can't say this anymore nicely, Jessica"

"There is no NICE way to break up with someone, Edward?"

"Well excuse me for being new at this"

"Don't make this all about you"

"Why the hell would this be about ME? I am doing this for BOTH of us...I would be unhappy if we carried this on any more and you need someone who loves you back"

"I love YOU....Edward"

_Fuck....Fuck......Fuck......Fuck ME!! Kill me now...Someone...Anyone...Please!_

"I am flattered, Jess....You keep going on at this and you are making me sound like the bad guy"

"Hold on...Who is breaking up with whom, Edward?"

"Jess...Please!"

"I KNOW there is someone else...Edward, tell me...NOW"!

"No"

"So there is...Who is she...Or HE?!"

"Stop being ridiculous, Jessica"

"I am being ridiculous when all I want is the truth...Come on, Edward be a man for once in your life!"

"Jess...I am warning you"

"What...What are you going to do...You have already broken my heart, Edward"

"Jess-"

"It's amazing how you can love someone one minute and then hate them the next...Is she pretty, Edward...Does she make you feel good?"

"Stop, Jess-"

"NO I WON'T STOP YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHO IT IS YOU ARE REPLACING ME WITH....WHO HAS GOT WHAT I HAVEN'T...YOU ARE BEING SUCH AN ARSEHOLE EDWARD AND THIS IS REALLY LOW...YOU OWE ME THIS MUCH...TELL ME...TELL ME-"!

"I AM IN LOVE WITH BELLA" I cursed under my breath and hung my head in my hands when I had let my true feelings slip out...I turned my back on Jessica in shame.

"Wait...Bella...Bella...YOUR SISTER, BELLA?" She exclaimed.

I said nothing biting my lip preventing the words from wanting to spew out about how much I felt for Bella and how much she meant to me.

"Oh this is precious....You mean to tell me....YOU ARE DUMPING ME SO YOU CAN HAVE A BIT OF HANKY PANKY WITH YOUR OWN SISTER!"

I flew back around to face her...If it were possible Jess would have been turning purple at this point.

"Keep your voice down!" I warned

"NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME TO KEEP MY VOICE DOWN...ARE YOU ASHAMED OF YOUR FEELINGS, EDWARD?!"

"Jess there are people who are trying to sleep"

"So was I until I was dragged down here"

"You know what I don't have time for this" I said as I began to make my way back to the hospital behind her..she watched me go past her with an open mouth of shock.

"That's it Edward walk away from your real issues...Go back to the girl you love!"

"Shut up Jess"

I had nearly reached the front gate of the hospital before being pulled back around by Jessica and I hadn't registered anything in my brain before Jessica swung her fist around...Landing on my lip..I cowered backwards from the impact and touched by dripping lip with my hand.

"That's less than what you deserve...I NEVER want to see you again, Edward...You make me sick"

I walked away from her and back into the hospital...The air was eerie and I couldn't deal with the pain from my lip for much longer.

I got to the reception and found Tess there again...she gave me a studying look before I released my hand on my face...She gasped in horror.

"Good gracious what happened to you?" Tess said as she handed me a tissue from behind the desk.

"Girlfriend" I said taking the tissue and dabbing my lip with it.

"You usually go around hitting each other?" She said as she got up to stand in front of me.

"No I broke it off with her"

"Ah...Well let's see what we can do with that lip" she said as she took my hand...If I wasn't so tired then I would have pulled my hand away.

The two of us went further down the corridor when we came to a halt.

"This is the medical room...I think we shall find what we are looking for" Tess said as she turned the key in the lock and opening the door...The light automatically switched itself on as we entered the room causing me to squint slightly under the brightness.

"Have a seat" she said gesturing towards an iron bed at the back of the room as she went over to the cabinets..I sat on the bed still holding the tissue on my lip.

Tess had rummaged around the room as I looked out the open window behind me...There wasn't much of a view there just seemed to be more of the hospital out there...God this place was never-ending..There must be more people staying and getting treatment here than I realised. Tess tapped me lightly on the shoulder and I looked back round at her...She was holding up an ice pack in one hand and a tube of cream in the other. I took the tissue away from my lip...The tissue sticking to the open wound a little before Tess slapped the icepack on it.

"Ow!"

"Is this a habit of yours Mr Cullen...Breaking up with your girlfriends at this time of night?" Tess asked me smiling a little at my obvious display of pain.

"No...I hope not she was the only girlfriend I have ever had"

"Well...You better not turn it into a habit you may end up with broken bones next time"

" I deserved it" I said as the numbness began to swim in my lower lip from the ice.

"At least you can take a hit...I have to say that this girlfriend of yours has a good aim"

"Um..Thanks" I said sarcastically.

"I am a woman...I am biased and I admire any woman who can hit a man when they have done wrong...It's nice to have a bit of spunk"

"Yeah well maybe if you were a man I would stand a better chance of getting you on my side"

"Would me being on your side be a good thing Mr Cullen?"

"Can you please not call me that and yes it would...It wouldn't make me feel as bad"

"At least you have a conscience...Edward" she said smiling as she said my name

"So you on the night shift?"

"I am afraid so" Tess replied as she removed the ice from my face "that should help with the swelling and this cream should heal the split" she added putting the ice pack down and opening the tube.

"How is Bella...I am very sorry for my sudden exit by the way"

"She is fine...As much as could be expected from a patient" Tess placed a drop of cream on her finger and stroked it across my lip...It stung a little but not as much as it would not if my lip had not been numb beforehand.

"Yeah well I have done Bella wrong a good few times...Lots more than I care to think about"

Tess put the lid back on the tube and went over to the cabinet taking the icepack with her.

"We all make mistakes, Edward...She cares a lot for you" Tess said as she put the things in their proper place and turned on her heel to stare motionless at me.

"I care about her too"

"That's good...It's a sign of a good brother" _Ah yes brother...If only she knew._

"Thanks" I said to her as she nodded.

"Well that is you sorted Edward" Tess opened the door...I got up from the bed and walked out of the room without another word and back down the corridor with Tess following behind me.

I stopped once I got to the desk...Tess sat back down on the chair behind it.

"Can I go and see, Bella?"

"She will be sleeping and besides we don't allow visitors here at this time" Tess replied.

"Please"? I pleaded...Tess studied my face before biting her lip and sighing.

"Okay...I can only allow an hour though...I am prepared to be leanient considering you have been through the wars however do not make this a usual thing" she said and I smiled appreciatively at her.

"Thank you" I said

"Go for it" she said with a wink...I walked back down the same corridor and round to another one before reaching Bella's room.

I opened her door carefully to find her asleep underneath her duvet this time...She looked so peaceful and so bloody beautiful....Peaceful as well almost as she slept. I tiptoed over to her bed and lay myself down on top of the duvet on the empty side my face close to hers..She hadn't stirred as I lay down further to get a better look at her face.

How could I have not seen how I felt about her before? How could someone so amazing as she was still remain to be amazing when she was suffering inside?

Bella had a strength that even I couldn't imagine to own inside of her...She was truly a human being who had a REAL woman's heart.

I loved her....I am in love with her so much it hurt.

I had gone back home after my hour laying beside Bella as she slept...I was grateful to see her at peace like that even if it was only for an hour.

I turned my keys in the front door carefully and closed it after me..The house was silent as I locked the front door behind me and went up the stairs.

I stopped outside of my own bedroom door before walking straight past it and up to the next floor.

Alice's bedroom door was slightly ajar...I opened it and left it as the way it was...Alice was sitting in bed reading a magazine...Her face turning up to face me.

"Edward?" she greeted me with a wide smile...It is true what they say that pregnancy can fully radiate a woman..I had always thought Alice was pretty but now she looked beautiful and I was slightly ashamed that I had never noticed her natural beauty before now.

"Alice...Can I talk to you for a second?" I said...Feeling the tears on the rims of my eyes again..._bloody emotions!_

"Of course...Come and sit down" she said patting the bed and putting the magazine on the floor...I paced over to her bed with my hands in my pockets and sat on it with the right side of my body facing hers.

"Are you okay, Edward?" she asked me concerned.

"I have just been to see Bella" I said

"They let you see her this late? That was nice of them"

"Yeah...I also broke up with Jessica today" I turned to look at her...She had bitten her lip and given me an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, Edward"

I crawled further up the bed to where she was sitting...I lay my head down on her lap being careful not to squash the baby growing inside of her...I put my a free hand on her stomach feeling the start of life in her.

"Edward what else has happened?" Alice said as she stroked my hair lovingly...Her breath falling onto the side of my face.

"If I tell you something, Alice..Do you promise not to tell anyone...Not even Jasper?"

"Of course, Edward...What is it?"

"I am....I'm....I've fallen for Bella...I am in love with her" My head had suddenly risen and fallen as Alice took in breath above me...There was a moment of silence.

"That would explain why you broke up with Jessica"

"Yes...It was awful, Alice...Why would Bella go for someone like me anyway?"

"You'd be surprised what feelings can do to a person, Edward"

"I just don't know what to do, Alice"

"You need to let things carry on for a while...You may be surprised or you may not but everything will be okay Edward if you and Bella are meant to be together then it will happen" Alice soothed and I snuggled further into her chest.

"I love you, Alice"

"I love you too, Edward...I will always be here for you" she replied kissing my head and then continuing to play with my hair.

I knew that whenever anything went wrong in my life...

I would always have Alice...

And I was forever grateful to her for being there.

*~Bella~*

(A week later)

"That's it then, Bella....You have taken all your classes and completed your course...How do you feel?" Oliver asked me cheerfully.

"Much better now thank you" I replied

"You know that if you should ever need to come back again...The door is always open"

"Thank you" I said giving him an appreciative smile.

Oliver stood up folding his paperwork and my record under his arm "if I do not get to see you again, Bella...I wish you all the very best of luck with the rest of your life" he said holding his hand out to me...I took it and gave it a firm shake.

Dr Owens left without another word as I grabbed my bag from the back of my bedroom and walked out of my room and back to Tess.

"Are you ready, Bella?" Tess acknowledged me with a smile..I nodded.

"Thanks again for doing this, Tess"

"That's no problem, Bella...I have finished my shift for the day and besides I think it's nice that you want to surprise your family"

We walked out of the hospital in silence and climbed into Tess's car.

I didn't allow myself to think anything...I didn't want to...I just wanted to go home and be with my family.

The journey was silent as I pictured the look on everyone's faces as they saw me come through the front door...I didn't care that I had exited the house on bad grounds or that I may now have a rocky-relationship with my dad and our old relationship was something that I may never get back again. We pulled up on the driveway and I suddenly felt the old familiar butterflies I got when I first came here to meet my new family...It was strange just how much had changed and just how far I had come.

Yes I was now in love with Edward but being in love had done me a favour and it had given me a purpose to get better and not allow myself to think that I could live in the grounds of Sandgrove forever and wallow in my own pity.

Once again Edward had saved me, in a way and I really hope that one day I could save him and do the things that he had done for me in the past two weeks.

Tess turned off the ignition and looked at me.

"You nervous, beautiful Bella?"

"A little...I just hope they are pleased to see me out so early"

"Of course they will...Don't be silly they all love you...It doesn't take a person with a PHD or a medical degree to figure that one out...You are loved here"

"I do love it here...I can't imagine being anywhere else"

"Well what are you waiting for?"

I smiled at Tess and climbed out the car taking my bag with me...I was about to close the door when I decided not to and leaned back into the car.

"Thank you again, Tess"

"Just promise you will come and visit me soon...I am lonely without our chats" she said.

I nodded...I had found a friend forever in Tess that much I knew was certain...I closed the door and blew Tess a kiss as she drove away.

I was about to walk across the gravel to the front door when the front door opened and Emmett stepped out.

The minute his gaze fell on mine...The biggest smile filled his face.

"EVERYONE...BELLA'S HOME!" Emmett called into the house as he began to run towards me...I dropped my bag and ran towards him.

I flew into Emmett's open arms as he swung me around squeezing me tightly...It was true I did have lack of oxygen but I didn't care. I wrapped my legs around Emmett's waist once we were still as he attacked my head with kisses...Before I could stop them tears from my eyes had fallen onto Emmett's shirt...I heard footsteps from the direction of the door as I looked up from Emmett's shirt and saw Rosalie and Alice staring at me hand in hand with the same smile.

Emmett placed me down as Rosalie and Alice had made their way over to me...Both of them opening their arms out to me...I sank into them as both the girls wrapped one of their arms around me together.

There was nothing that they needed to say...Nothing needed to be said...Being with them and back in my own home again was enough without having to say any words...Rose and Alice had began to giggle slightly probably as overwhelmed as I was in that moment.

Once my sister and my now best-friend let go of me I looked back at the house into the beautiful eyes of my brother...I stayed still as he approached me a lot slower than the rest of my siblings...He stood in front of me his face tense before smiling and lifting me into his arms...I scissored my legs around his waist so grateful to be in his arms again...If I were to die now then it would be happily...He wrapped one of his arms around my waist whilst the other snaked through my hair...He lowered me down and kissed my cheek as I planted a kiss on his as well as catching a glance of one of his fallen tears as mine had continued to fall.

I was in Edward's arms for what felt like an eternity before he put me down and took my hand...Taking me into the house...I looked behind me at Alice and Rosalie who were smiling at me and Emmett who..._Bless him..._had my bag over his shoulder.

We all stepped into the living room as Edward released my hand...Carlisle and Esme had come into the room from different directions...Esme had her hand over her mouth and Carlisle had given me a loving smile...I didn't know which parent to go to. I decided to walk over to Esme as she was closer...I wrapped my arms around her as she allowed a sob to escape her chest as she held me back just as tightly.

"God we missed you, Bella...We are all so proud of you" Esme whispered and I smiled leaning back slightly to kiss her on the cheek..She kissed my forehead in response before stepping back and allowing me to turn and walk over to Carlisle.

Carlisle had opened his mouth to speak but I had stopped him by wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissing the side of his neck once as he snuggled back into mine...I didn't want him to feel guilty about what had happened and I wasn't mad at him anymore...It was true that things would a little awkward to start off with...However I was prepared to have an open-mind.

I left the room and went up the stairs to my room leaving my family downstairs and not caring about my bag...I threw myself on my bed and rolled around the duvet – the giggles escaping my body.

My bed...My room....!

My home!

(Night-time)

I had always thought that I would fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow once I had got into my own bed...However I couldn't sleep. I had intentionally stayed up late so that I would be more tired when I went to bed but once I had washed my face and cleaned my teeth I didn't feel so tired anymore.

I leaned my ear out from underneath the covers...There was no one downstairs anymore because I could no longer hear the TV. I got up and swung my legs over my bed to place them on the floor I put on the clean pair of socks that Esme had kindly put in my slippers and walked out.

I opened the door to Edward's room into the soothing sounds of only his breathing being heard...He had been in my bed before so I think it was time that he owed me. I stood above his lying body looking at his stunning face...His jaw clenching occasionally and his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. I pulled the duvet slightly not wanting to wake him and climbed in snuggling in the warmth of both his body and the bed itself...I turned so that I was facing the wall of the bedroom and snuggled into his pillow.

As if by magic, Edward had turned his legs brushing against mine as he then moved his chest so that it was resting against my back...One of his arms wormed around my waist...I pushed my body closer to his...His head snuggled into my neck and I shivered underneath his warm breath that brushed my neck.

This is what life was made of...This was my own personal heaven.

I could spend the rest of my life wrapped up in Edward's arms.

It broke my heart to know that there was a possibility he would never know how much he meant to me and how much I wanted to be his.

Therapy taught me how to look at the positive things of a negative situation or at least attempt to try and find them...

The positive side of my growing feelings was that I was now back home.

With my family...

Where I belong.

**Okay...Xmas chapter will be up tomorrow...!!**

**I REALLY hope you liked this chapter...It was REALLY hard to write...I have had my first struggle when writing a chapter for AML...I hope I don't get it again .**

**Review and tell me what you think.**

**Lots of love Beebies!!**

**.S.**

**X x x x**


	27. Confessions

**Hello darlings!**

**Before I say anything else there was an obvious MISTAKE (Typo) last chapter and that was at the end when Bella is with Edward in bed and it says that Edward but his chest against her 'Bag'! I want to clear that up and say that it was MEANT to say BACK so I apologise for that now..!**

**I struggled like hell last chapter but this was surprisingly easier so I hope that I have got back in some people's good books. In this chapter I HAVE skipped maybe a couple of weeks of time but that's because I would end up writing 60 chapters if I put in EVERY detail so now as Bella wakes up in Edward's arms it is Xmas day although that was not how it was originally planned.**

**So thank you to my AMAZING reviewers once again:**

***'Wendilii' – I laughed so hard when I read your note about your mum...Bless her :D YES I will gladly give you some ideas my lovely it's the least I could do for all the support you have given me...PM me anytime you like and we will have a little discussion. THAT note also goes to anyone else who needs a helping hand with their fanfics.**

***Sylvia Cullen, ajayee, cullengirl08, TwilightFreak13, Raven Jadewolfe, laceycrazy08, kallamigk and imprintlove***

***'EllaJ 18' – SUCH a LOVELY review I cried when I read it....Thank you SO SO much!! However...My fanfic can WAIT! Work for uni/college is more important and I know that better than anyone so nose in those books and hand on that pen little missy..I am not having you fall behind because of me...LOVE.**

**The MAIN song for this chapter was: 'In my arms' – Plumb**

**But to get in the mood you may want to listen to ANY favourite xmas songs or songs that are EMOTIONAL because MY GOD you are going to need them at the end...!!**

*~Bella~*

The overwhelming heat that had overtaken my body woke me up in the middle of the night...Edward still had his hold around me and it was impossible to wriggle out of it...I tried to peer over at the alarm clock to find that it was facing the opposite way to me..._Damn._

I twisted my body around to face Edward who hadn't moved under my touch...I stroked his face ever so slightly and whispered into his ear.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" Edward moaned contently

"I'm really hot, Edward"

"You're what?"

"I need you to let go of me...I can't be in here...I am going to melt"

"No...Bella stay with me...Please stay with me?" Edward pleaded...I felt my emotions crumble ever so slightly at the fact that he had wanted me to stay with him...But the heat was too much.

"Edward, please?"

"I have waited too long for this, Bella" I couldn't tell if he was awake and choosing not to open his eyes or whether he was still asleep and speaking through his subconscious....I could feel the beads of sweat on my forehead and I elbowed him lightly to get him to let go of me....Of course I was unsuccessful...I then took matters into my own hands and slid underneath the duvet forcefully and out through the foot of the bed where Edward's feet were...He had instantly let go of me to turn his head to face the wall...It indicated to me, then that he was still asleep. I landed on my knees and ran my hands through my moist hair.

The cool air felt good on my skin....I had been somewhat grateful for the increasing heat in my body because I didn't want to have to face the look of the other members of my family when they found me and Edward in the same bed even though I would spend forever with him if it were possible...._I have said that before haven't I?_

I sighed a little sad at the fact that Edward hadn't been fully awake at this point...He was like me when he slept the dead couldn't wake him...Even if zombies had unexpectedly taken over the earth...I went out of his room quickly...If I had stayed I would have sat there and looked at him all night..._I swear that Edward should be in some kind of painting that would be shown in a grand museum and only to the best paying customers....I would pay my good useless English money to go and see him but then again I was biased as hell. Also the fact that other people and possible other women would go and see him and I didn't want that!_

I pulled my own duvet back and climbed in flinching at the coldness of my unused bed and curled myself up in a ball...Letting the rest of the night fall away slowly and peacefully.

(Next morning)

"Bella-Boo!" Emmett's voiced boomed though my ear...I groaned loudly and lifted my head off the pillow and opening my eyes...Emmett was staring back at me with a cheeky smile.

"Good morning little sis...Or should I say merry Christmas"! he exclaimed.

I sat up from the bed feeling the aches swimming through my body from my sleeping position in Edward's arms last night.

Emmett reached over and grabbed my waist and pulled me upwards to standing...Emmett had climbed onto the bed and stood in front of me...I couldn't help but laugh at him as I stood in front of him..He reached into his back pocket and held up something above his head...I had missed a glance due to the speed of his hand reaching upwards and so I then lifted up my gaze to his hand...His fingers were wrapped around a part of a plant or some sort.

"Emmett..What is that?"

"That.....THAT! That is mistletoe my darling Bella"

"Oh"

"Please tell me that you know what mistletoe is, don't you Bella?"

"I am sorry Emmett...No"

"Oh dear...Well now this moment will be a bit awkward"

"Why would it be awkward?"

"This little plant Bella is the stuff that most-aspiring couples dream of when it comes to Christmas"

"Huh?"

"It is in tradition that every two people who happen to be under this have to kiss"

"Oh...Well how do they kiss?"

Emmett chuckled with his arm raised and hand still holding the mistletoe.

"You are asking me how to kiss someone underneath the mistletoe?"

"Yes...I mean can anyone go under there and do they...You know...Have to kiss on the lips?"

"That depends on the person standing under it"

"So is all of THIS..." I began pointing up to the mistletoe above our heads "A way to get me to kiss you, Emmett?"

"Got it in one, Bella" Emmett said with a mischievous smirk...I rolled my eyes and leant over giving him a tender kiss on his cheek.

"Bella...It's your first Christmas you have to live a little!"

Emmett tugged my waist with one of his hands and forced me forwards as he planted his lips on top of mine...I pulled away from him giggling as he attacked my face and neck with wet kisses...He then had stepped off of the bed pulling me with him...Swinging me around as I made noises in between squeals and giggles.

"Emmett?" Alice called from the door as he stopped his spinning...Placing me down on my feet and both of us turning to look at Alice...I tried to control my breathing. "I don't think Bella asked Santa for one of your hugs Emmett...And what did I say to you about that mistletoe"?! Alice added as she pointed at the mistletoe on the floor.

Emmett shrugged "what can I say...Edward got some loving from Bella and I felt left out".

"Leave her alone....Esme needs you to run down to the store to get her some things..She is downstairs waiting for you" Alice said with her hands on her hips...I fought back a giggle.

"Aye Captain!" Emmett said with a salute...He placed one last kiss on my cheek and gave on to Alice as he left the room and down the stairs.

"Merry Christmas, Bella" Alice said with a smile.

"I am sorry, Alice...I completely forgot it was Christmas today...I didn't get you guys anything"

"Bella its fine...You are back home and you're well...That is better than any kind of present"

"Hows little Alice and Jazz junior doing?"

"I am starting to get morning sickness now but believe me I have had worse...Listen I came up here because in your wardrobe is another makeup bag only this time there are festive colours...It took me ages to get hold of some but I did and I wondered if you wanted me to do you up today"

"Of course, Alice" I said with an appreciative smile...Alice was so great at putting on makeup.

So I showered and did all I had to do before sitting down on the floor allowing Alice to spend as much time on me as she wanted...Never once complaining or moaning about what she was doing...Once she had finished I turned to look at her.

"Always so beautiful, Bella" Alice sang...I laughed nervously my blush making a long-awaited appearance on my cheeks "there that's all we needed" Alice added.

"So does Esme need help with the dinner and everything?" I asked

"No...She does all the cooking and if we are in her way then she will get more and more stressed...However we forgot to say to you that we are having a party here tonight at the house...Don't worry it is only a few members of family and Rosalie's mum and dad will be here and hopefully Jazz's mum will be here too"

"Wow so I will really meet the family today, then?"

Alice leaned over and stroked my hair "you have nothing to worry about, Bella...We all love you and it won't take much effort on your part...You are practically irresistible" she sang as I giggled leaning my hand into her face.

Our little moment was interrupted by the front doorbell...Alice looked out the door into the hall before turning back to me. "That'll be Jazz"

"Are you guys going out today?"

Alice let go of my face and packed up the rest of the makeup that was now sprawled out over my duvet and stood up to put them back in the wardrobe.

"We have a few things to pick up...Presents but apart from that we will come back and stay here....There is no way that Jazz is going to turn down a free party" Alice laughed and I smiled back.

"Alice...I don't want you to get me anything...-"

"You just stop right there Miss Swan" Alice turned abruptly closing the wardrobe door behind her he index finger was out and gesturing towards me. "You have done SO much for me in the last few months and I need to say thank you properly...You are not going to deprive me of saying thank you to you, are you"? _Damn that fake pout and those puppy dog eyes to hell...They worked everytime!_

"Okay fine but NOTHING expensive...I don't like the idea of you splashing out and for me to not reciprocate the favour"

"Well I think you have already given Emmett your reciprocation...I am sure that we will find something you can do for me" she teased with a cheeky grin...I rolled my eyes.

"Love you" Alice said as she blew me a kiss.

"Love you too" I replied watching her walk out of my door.

I exhaled and stood up stretching my legs out one by one to rid the numbness...I was about to walk into the bathroom when I heard someone clearing their throat...I turned to find Edward standing at my door still in his pyjamas...His hair messy from being asleep. I took a silent breath trying to calm the butterflies I got when he was always in my presence.

"Hello Edward" I said with a small smile...Edward burrowed his eyebrows and clenched his jaw.

"I woke up and you were gone..."

"Yes I know...I am sorry it's just that I was hot and well...I didn't want Emmett or Alice to come in this morning and find us"

"Why? I wouldn't have minded"

"I know you wouldn't have but it's the principle...I didn't want to leave"

"I didn't want you to, either"

"Yeah...But Edward brothers and sisters don't sleep together in the same bed...not in a normal day life"

"When have ANY of us been normal, Bella?" I laughed a little at his remark...He had a point but it wasn't enough.

"I'd like to think that I am somewhat normal"

"You're not, Bella...You're YOU and you show individuality that what makes you a great person"

"Thank you, you're not so bad yourself?" I teased

"Um...Thanks...I think?"

I laughed at his reaction and sat on my bed..."You have any plans today?"

"No...Family time like all Cullen Christmas's"

"Oh"

Edward released his hand from my bedroom door and walked over to sit beside me...He pulled his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Merry Christmas" Edward said and I smiled

"Merry Christmas to you, too" I said "I have already said to Alice that I haven't been able to get anyone anything-"

"Do you really think that we want presents from you, Bella....You have done enough for us already"

I lifted my head off of his shoulder and stood up from the bed...Looking out of the window.

"I haven't done that much...I would have done what any sister would have done" I said my back to Edward so that I couldn't see his expression.

"That's the thing, Bella....You are not like any sister" Edward replied.

"You need to stop being so nice to me"

"It is Christmas and if everyone has an excuse to enjoy themselves then it is today"

"Well I will have to use that excuse for everyone's behaviour today...Tomorrow we can go back to normal"

"Indeed we will"

"Knock, knock" I looked over at the bedroom door and saw Rosalie standing there waving at me.

"Hi Rose" I said...Not used to the amount of people that were coming in and out of my bedroom.

"Excuse me, Edward but I need some girly time with Bella" Rose said looking over at Edward...Edward held both his hands up in surrender and smiled...Obliging Rose's request and walking out of the room. Rose tapped his shoulder as he walked in the hallway and stepped in my room to close the door behind her.

"I came to apologise for my boyfriend's behaviour...I am afraid that he gets a little over-excited at Christmas" I gestured to the bed and Rose walked over and sat on it.

"Honestly, Rose...It's not an issue...I have had worse Christmas's and as horrible as this may sound I have never felt so much at home than I have right now"

Rose smiled "That's good...Anyway I came in here to speak to you about something however before I do that I need to give you present from me and Emmett"

"Rose-"

Rose lifted her hand to stop me "No objections, Bella...We only hope that you like it" she then stood up and took something out of her back pocket...pulling out a medium-sized rectangular shaped present with gold and silver sparkling wrapping paper she held it out to me...I gave her a disapproving look before opening the paper carefully to find a blue velvet box in its place...I opened the lid and exclaimed uncontrollably my hand shooting to my mouth whilst the other held the box in place.

"It's an Opal...It's the birthstone for October...It's your birthstone, Bella" Rose said...I looked up at her my mouth in a wide 'O' shape.

"Rose...This is too much...I can't imagine how much this must have cost you"!

"Money is irrelevant Bella unless you have people to spend it on...I also give you this as a little peace offering...I wasn't very nice to you when I first met you and I regret not having you in my life sooner...Let's just say I was captured under your spell as well when you came here, Bella"

"It's beautiful..I have only ever really owned one necklace in my life and that was a locket my mum gave me...It broke after one of her episodes and I never really got it fixed but this is amazing Rose" I put the box on my chest of drawers and pulled Rose in a hug.

"Thank you so much!"

"You're very welcome" she replied patting my back

We pulled apart and I went back over to the chest of drawers picking up the box I opened a drawer and put the box in.

"Whoa little missy...You can't be given jewellery and not want to wear it"

I turned to face her "I am sorry...I don't want to break or lose it"

"You won't...I trust you..Come here" she leant over patted the floor with her hand I took the box back out and sat on the floor lifting my hand with the box in it up behind my head...Rose took it and opened the lid.

"Can you lift your hair up for me, Bella?"

"Sure" I said grabbing my hair with both my hands and lifting it to the top of my head...Rose put the necklace around my neck and clasped it quickly at the back.

"It's a shame your ears are not pierced, Bella...There were matching studs"

"My mum never allowed me to have 'holes' on my body as she called them...Any way it never did me any harm not having them done...I do not have to worry about it then"

"Good point...Well I was wondering if Mike was going to come to the party tonight...Esme is working out numbers and she asked me to ask both you and Edward whether you will be inviting Mike and Jess"

"Um..Rose, I am not with Mike anymore"

"What?!"

"We broke up...Well I broke up with him"

"Why?"

"I didn't want him to see me in Sandgrove like that...I looked and felt horrible and the only way I would feel a little better was when you, Emmett, Alice, Jasper or Edward came to see me"

"I am sorry, Bella" Rose put both her hands on my shoulders.

"Don't worry about it, Rose...It was my choice...I just hope he isn't too upset with me"

"He will get over it, Bella...Men tend to get over these things better than us girls do"

"I wouldn't know"

"We will have to make sure you have extra fun tonight with us tonight, then"!

"I would have fun doing nothing all day as long as I am here at home"

"Do you know whether Edward is inviting Jess?"

"No...You will have to ask him"

"Ok well I will see you downstairs in a minute"

"Ok thank you again, Rose"

*~Alice~*

Jazz and I were lying hand in hand on my bed looking up at the ceiling.

"Think about it...Next Christmas we will have our baby joining the party"

I giggled in excitement...The morning sickness was undoubtedly bearable especially when I had a life growing inside of me that belonged to both myself and Jasper.

"I know...It sounds so strange..We will be parents"

"I can't wait, Alice...I don't care what sex the baby is, either...It is half-mine and I will love him or her unconditionally with all my heart" I turned to my side and threw my arm around his stomach he kissed my head lovingly.

"I am scared Jasper" I admitted resting my cheek on his stomach.

Jasper stroked my hair..."I know you are baby...We will get through it and I will always love you, Alice and I would never leave you on your own with our child"

"I love you too Jasper" I said as we continued to live in our own love bubble.

*~Rosalie~*

"Esme" I called into the kitchen from the living room.

"Yes"? She replied coming out wiping both her hands on a hand towel.

"Sorry for interrupting but I have spoken to both Edward and Bella and they have said that they will not be inviting Mike or Jess"

"Oh...Is there any particular reason why?"

"No...They both said that they want to spend the day with the family"

"Isn't that sweet...Well thank you, Rose...Emmett has gone out to the store to get me a few things he will be back soon"

Bless Esme for trying to make me feel better for being by myself...I didn't have the heart to say to her that Emmett always told me where he was and that now this far into our relationship I didn't miss him as much as I had used to.

"That's okay, Esme...I need to go and speak to Jasper about Alice's present anyway"

"Ok" Esme said with a sweet smile before turning round and walking back into the kitchen.

*~Alice~*

I took the opportunity to go and speak to Edward before Jasper and I went out to get everyone's presents...I walked down the stairs from my room leaving Jasper in there and went into Edward's room...He was standing in front of his wardrobe which was open in only his towel wrapped around his waist.

"A VERY merry Christmas to you, little bro" I cheered out causing Edward to turn abruptly and hold his towel to stop it from falling.

"Alice would you like to knock next time?"

"No..Sorry I live in this house, too Edward"

"Fine have a seat" Edward grabbed some clothes from his wardrobe and held them in one of his hands. I sat on the bed looking over at him.

"You are not going to wear that outfit to the party tonight are you?"

Edward looked at the clothes "why not?"

"Edward have you learnt ANYTHING from having yours truly as a sister?" I exclaimed in horror.

"Clearly not" he answered sarcastically.

"Why don't you wear that purple shirt Esme got you last year?"

"Alice...I don't like purple"

"It's Christmas and you would do well to negotiate with me as I am about to get your present"

"You think that you can win me over with a present for a bribe?"

"No...But I know what you really want, Edward....WHO you really want and I can always make that known to everyone else"

Edward grunted and threw the shirt that he had on his arm back into the wardrobe..The other hand still fixed tightly on his towel.

"Have you been working out little bro?" I asked him as I studied his physical form...It was impressive even if he was my brother.

"Jacob showed me to work some weights but it's no big deal" he answered as he went into the bathroom without another word as I smiled in victory.

After about fifteen minutes Edward came back out again wearing the shirt...I nodded at him.

"So the reason why I am in here is...Are you going to tell Bella how you feel about her tonight?"

"What? No Alice of course I am not"

"Are you EVER going to tell her?"

"I will find the right time"

"Yeah the twelfth-of-never, right?"

"It doesn't matter if I told her or if I didn't"

"I have a good feeling about this, Edward...The two of you have practically been inseperate since she joined our family"

"You are forgetting the amount of times I have let her down"

"People are allowed to make mistakes, Edward"

"Not when they make promises that they can't keep"

"You can't let that stop you, Edward"

"Alice I cannot bear my soul to Bella because you have one of your inklings...As much as I might want to i don't want to scare her away...I want her as a sister, Alice and if my telling her how I feel risks our relationship as brother and sister forever then it is not worth it"

"Okay I won't keep on at you but do you promise to think about it, Edward"

"Why?"

"Edward you have never really been happy in your life...Which you have admitted it to me more than one occasion in the past...Just trust me and think about telling her, please?" I pleaded.

"Okay Alice...I will"

I stood up and kissed him on the cheek and left his room.

Edward just HAD to get with Bella....He just HAD to!

*~Bella~*

"Merry Christmas, Dad"

I walked in Carlisle's office to find him taking down some lights from the wall at the back of his office by the large open window.

"Hi Bella...Merry Christmas" he said between heavy breaths.

"Do you need a hand?"

"Ah that would be great, Bella thank you" Carlisle answered appreciatively...I walked over to him and stood up on his desk chair and pulled the lights down from the opposite side.

"Heaven knows I love my wife but I have said that I do not want to have the decorations for this time of year all over my office" he complained and I smiled.

The trail fell down off of the wall and landed on the floor between myself and Carlisle..I stepped down carefully off the chair with the lights still in my hand.

"Thank you, Bella" Carlisle wrapped the lights up quickly and held them over his arms "I am glad you are here actually...Me and Esme need to give something to you"

_All these presents...I would have to do some major catching up next year!_

Carlisle took my hand tightly in his and led me out of his office and back to the living room...He sat me down on one of the sofas and went into the kitchen.

I sat there twiddling my thumbs in my lap when Esme and Carlisle came back out

"Good morning Bella darling..Merry Christmas" Esme greeted me "I am sorry I haven't seen you so far today dinner's been taking a lot out of me"

"Usually she puts the decorations up in here but it's nice to see it plain for a change" Carlisle remarked.

"It's not plain....There is a Christmas tree...You can't forget that" Esme replied..."anyway we have this to give you Bella" Esme moved to the small door to the cupboard on the other side of the stairs...She came back with a large box and placed it in front of me on the coffee table.

"Mum..Dad...Really it's-" I started

"All of you have one...When I say all of you I mean you, Rose and Alice...Esme shopped for them with your contrasting tastes and personal styles in mind...That's right isn't it" Carlisle asked shooting a confused look at Esme who merely giggled.

"We have been planning this party since January and well...I brought two but had to go out and get yours when I heard that you were joining us"

"Okay" I said "shall I open it now?"

"Of course...I want to see your face" Esme beamed...I undid the large ribbon around the box and pulled up the white lid...I pushed the tissue paper apart in half inside the box and saw a purple colour hidden in the confines of the rest of the paper. I looked up at Carlisle and Esme.

"Take it out, Bella" Carlisle said with an assuring smile...I pulled the fabric out carefully and stood up...Esme stood up with me and took the material from me and let go of it....It was a dress. I gawked at the mix of purple red and pink colours in sections on the dress as well as the glistening sequins on the front in the chest area...Before I realised what Esme and Carlisle had given me I had began to cry.

"Esme...It's gorgeous" I choked out

"See that look....Priceless" Carlisle added and I smiled at him

"We would like you to wear this tonight at the party Bella...Alice knows what she is doing already for your look and we will have our first family picture to hang on the wall above the fireplace over there...It will be official then that you are here with us to stay" Esme explained and I sighed in shock.

"I don't know what to say" I exclaimed...I carefully took the dress from Esme and put it back in the box before throwing my arms around her.

"Thank you" I said to Esme and kissed her on the cheek. I then did the same with Carlisle.

"You're welcome, Bella" they each said almost at the same time.

"I love you both"

"We love you too" they said as Esme pinched my cheek playfully before walking back into the kitchen...Carlisle remained on the sofa.

"Are you nervous about having another party here, Bella"? he asked me.

"No" I replied confidently "I should be...But I am not. You're all my family now and it's Christmas" I added. "I am going to go and hang this up so it doesn't crease"

I picked up the box in my arms.

"MOM I'VE GOT IT ALL!" Emmett boomed as he stepped through the front door...As if right on cue Rosalie came running down the stairs and followed Emmett into the kitchen..I smiled at them both as I made my way back up to my room.

I hung my dress up on a hanger and put it in the wardrobe trailing my fingers through the light material before closing the door...This was certainly going to be a Christmas to remember!

I was walked into the bathroom making sure that my legs were going to be free of all hair and that my skin was properly going to be scrubbed down when I took the second shower of the day...I was stopped however by Emmett...He didn't have to say anything as by this point..As silly as it sounded I almost knew the footsteps of all the members of my family so that I knew who was coming and going each day and who would be coming into my room.

"Yes, Emmett?" I called out to him before stepping back out of the bathroom

"How did you know it was me?" He asked

"Call it a hunch" I said

"I came to tell you that we will not be having dinner as a family tonight but have a spread out at the party...Is that okay?"

"Emmett I have NEVER had a family dinner...I wouldn't know the difference so it all sounds great" I said walking towards him "oh and by the way I have something to give you...To say thank you for my present" I said pointing my finger at the necklace around my neck.

Before Emmett could say anything I put my mouth on his and gave him an 'open-mouthed' tender in the words of Edward. It lasted for about a minute before I broke away from him shooting him my own attempt at a cheeky smile.

"Well..." Emmett cleared his throat as I fought not to laugh "You're welcome" he said before walking back out of my room in a dazed state.

I laughed out loud before going into the bathroom and relaxing before the big night tonight.

*~Alice~*

(Early evening)

I spun around in my chocolate dress that Esme had got me for this occasion...I also placed my hands on my tummy where the bump was only beginning to show ever so slightly turning to the side to gaze at my tummy in the mirror. Jasper wrapped his arms around me and placed his hands on my tummy as well as I leaned into his neck and he rocked us slowly from side to side.

"You look so beautiful, Alice" Jasper said as he kissed my cheek...I spun my head to the side to face his cheek however he had turned his head at the same time and we were now gazing in each other's eyes I smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"You know Edward won't like having to be matched with Bella on colour"

"We are all matching so why can't they?"

"They are not together"

"Well Rose told me that Mike and Jessica won't be here so rather than the two of them being the odd ones out..."

"Okay sweetie but if he throws his dummy out of the pram then I am not getting the blame"

"Don't worry he won't" I chimed releasing Jasper's hold on me. "You go and check on Edward and Emmett whilst I go and sort out Bella...Can you ask Rosalie if you see her to come down to Bella's room please?"

"Yes sweetheart" He kissed me passionately again before making his way up to Emmett's room...I looked in the mirror and twirled round once watching the bottom of my dress flow around with me before skipping out to of my room to Bella's.

*~Bella~*

I deliberately hadn't touched my hair from washing it in the shower...I dried myself off as much as I possibly could to get into my dress...It had been a struggle but I had managed to get it on fully...my hair was still wrapped up as I took the necklace that I had taken off before going into the shower and placing it back into its box in my chest of drawers.

"Okay let's get busy!" Alice sang skipping though my room.

"Wow Alice you look beautiful" And she did....Her dress was a rich chocolate colour and fitted tightly around her slightly plump stomach...her hair was down and bounced up and down amazingly around her swan-like neck as she moved.

"Thank you....You will look amazing too when I have finished with you" she sang.

*~Emmett~*

"Eddie boy...Don't you look spruce" I gasped as Edward came into my room...Jasper turned to give ma an approving look from the corner of my eye.

"This is all your girlfriend's fault" Edward said to Jasper...Who merely put his hands up.

"Alice is an unstoppable force I am afraid...That's why I love her" Jasper replied

"Yeah, yeah...Well there are some people who have already arrived downstairs" Edward said

"Trust women to spend longer getting ready so that they do not have to do the whole sticky meet and greet business" I said with a huff.

"So does anyone have any ideas about what Bella is wearing tonight?"

"Why do you ask, Edward?" I teased.

"No reason"

"The dress is under wraps if you'll excuse the pun and we know nothing about it and Rose and Alice haven't told us either" Jasper added.

"So I wonder what Ms Stanley will be wearing for you tonight Edward?" I teased.

"She won't be coming"

"Why?" I asked

"I broke up with her"

Jasper and I were silent as we allowed the words to sink in.

"Sorry Edward that's harsh" Jasper said.

"It's no big deal"

"That would explain the fat lip a week ago" I acknowledged as Edward nodded once in response.

Okay things were now going to be a bit different...Jasper and I had known that Bella was wearing the same colour as Bella and I had a feeling that it may not go down well.

Christmas may not be so jolly this year and we may have to be prepared for an argument.

*~Edward~*

(Late evening)

I never felt so much like an idiot standing in the living room with Jasper and Emmett waiting on the girls to come down...Emmett had occupied himself with a can of beer and Jasper with a bottle of bud...I was on orange juice feeling the nerves in the pit of my stomach knowing that I was going to see Bella in another party outfit.

Bella had looked SO beautiful at my birthday even though I had never realised it until now because an idiot like me only knows how he truly feels when it is all too late...I couldn't imagine how she would look tonight...Bella had the gift that most girls our ages didn't have and that was the fact that she was naturally beautiful and had flawless skin...She was lucky and I was lucky to have her in my life I just wished that I would have found out how much I loved her sooner then maybe Jess and Mike would have never came on the scene and now I wouldn't have the awkwardness of being the only single one in the ENTIRE party...!

Every member of our family were spaced out both inside and outside the house and doing their own mingling...Family get- togethers were never a very entertaining event because everyone preferred to mingle with their own choices of company but we were lucky to have the three girls to make an euql number of people close in age.

I eagerly awaited their arrival.

*~Rosalie~*

"PERFECT" I sang to Alice as we did the last finishing touches on Bella.

"Do you want to see what you look like?" Alice chimed to Bella.

"No...I trust you and besides if I see myself then I am going to cry and remove your fabulous work" Bella replied.

"So are you ready to go?" I said to Alice and Rose they looked at each other and smiled before nodding towards me.

I led the way down the stairs holding Alice's hand behind me and she was holding Bella who we saved till last. The three boys looked up at us as we came down the stairs...Emmett smiled at me and walked over to give me a kiss as I released Alice when my heels touched the floor of the living room. I walked over to the side of the room...I needed to see Edward's face when he saw Bella...I knew the look a man or a woman gave to the person they secretly fancied. Jasper grabbed Alice's hand and led her towards myself and Emmett wrapping his arms around her once they were still...We watched Edward and then watched the stairs.

This was the moment of truth....

Bella's heels were visible on the steps as it trailed upwards from her shoes to her legs, to her dress and to her head last...She smiled a little nervously at Edward. I looked at Edward....OH YES!

Edward had the look that I had been waiting for...I knew that look better than anyone...He loved Bella and whether he knew it or not I couldn't determine.

I smiled over at Alice who nodded giving me an 'I told you so' expression on her face it was true I hadn't believed her to begin with but now it was staring at me right in the face.

That was love in its purest forms and if I wasn't worried about my appearance I would have cried for them both...I wrapped my arms behind Emmett's neck as he bent down to kiss the side of my neck.

Bella and Edward were meant to be....But I couldn't get involved...It needed to be all from them.

*~Bella~*

"Hello Edward" I greeted him as he stood in front of me in the living room...I barely noticed the party that was going on around us...There was only him and there was only ever going to be him. I took his hand that he had held out to me and stepped down off the stairs completely...I took a moment to look at his clothes freezing when I saw the colour of his shirt.

"We match" Edward said stealing the words from my mouth I smiled and shook my head.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Alice!"

"At any normal time I would be mad at her but as of right now I can't believe that I have someone so beautiful on my arm tonight...You look stunning, Bella"

I smiled "Thank you...I like that colour on you" I said pointing to his shirt he chuckled a little and wrapped his hand around mine and placed them at his side.

He led me around to various people and members of his family to make sure that I knew everyone...I had seen some of them before but it was still nice to see them again...I followed him willingly...I would follow him forever.

Edward walked with me into the kitchen and poured me a drink when we had finished seeing everyone and also getting a few shocked looks from our parents...He held the glass of soft drink out to me.

"Thank you" I said taking a sip from my glass

"Anything for you Bella" he answered and I lowered my head feeling a little embarrassed.

"BELLA!"

"Yes, Alice" I shouted before she had even entered the room.

"I almost forgot to give you your presents" she grabbed my arm and took out two boxes from behind her back...I handed my glass to Edward who took it from me and opened one of the boxes...I took out two pieces of what looked like a mix between card and paper.

"They're airplane tickets...Two First class seats back to London and a return whenever you want to go back to your roots until July next year" Alice explained and before I could hug her she gestured to the other box...I put the tickets on the kitchen table and opened the next one.

I knew what this present was...The title of 'Wuthering Heights' gave it away however this wasn't a usual paper or soft back book you got from the shops.

"Alice-"

"It's a first edition...There is probably around three left in the world" Alice stated...I touched the front cover in awe...My favourite book and it was RARE. I carefully put the book next to the tickets on the table.

"There is one more thing!"

"Alice-"

"I have managed to get you a job...It's a waitressing position in one of the Port Angeles chain of restaurants...I have sorted everything and it is yours if and when you want it" she finished...I choked back my emotion.

"Can you excuse me for a minute?" I asked Alice and she smiled and moved out the way...I didn't know where I was heading...instead of turning the corner to go up the stairs I opened the front door and stepped out to the air outside allowing the sobs to completely break through now I was in private and on my own.

*~Edward~*

"Is she alright, Alice?" Bella had made a swift exit from the kitchen and the house as I had heard the front door close...I looked at my sister who was still standing in front of me.

"She's fine, Edward....Just overwhelmed..Go and find her, Edward she will need you"

"Is this a trick?"

"No...I am just trying to help my sister" she answered and I obliged the request and made my way out to Bella through the front door.

_Please god...I hope she is okay!_

*~Bella~*

**(Songs for this part of the chapter were – 'You belong to me' – Kate Rusby**

'**Your love' – Michelle Wright and Jim Brickman)**

I stepped outside into the freezing air...Goosebumps instantly surfacing my skin as I paced around breathing in the air although I had no idea what I was doing or what had come over me....Alice had given me the best presents of all and I have never felt so lucky to have the Cullens' in my life...To think that I could have gone through my whole life without knowing them would probably tear me to shreds.

"Bella"? I looked over at the direction of our front door and saw Carlisle standing there...I shrugged at him as he walked over to me "I am sorry if this is not your kind of scene, Bella... I saw you come out here just now...Would you like me to stay here with you...Or did you want to talk about it"?

"No...It's not that Carlisle I just need to be on my own for a moment" I said throwing him a smile.

"Okay well here" Carlisle took his coat off from around his shoulders and handed it to me "you will freeze out here" I took the coat. Carlisle gave me a kiss on the forehead and quickly went back to join the others in the house. I smelled in Carlisle's scent from his coat as I walked further away from the front of our house...I walked around the side of the house where I had last been with Jasper on Edward's birthday...Only this time I walked past the bench that we had sat on and carried on to enter the large garden...I stepped over to the open greenery minding my heels and the bottom of my dress as I went.

The garden was beautifully decorated...No doubt it was both Alice and Esme's creation...Green and red fairy lights surrounded every tree and the full crystal moon was shining onto the grass...I stood in the middle of the garden looking up at the sky...Allowing myself to think about other things besides how good Edward had looked in formal wear...I couldn't imagine how he would look in a tux... How could someone so beautiful be so confused about who he was? He could have ANY girl he wanted and probably with the snap of his fingers and yet he still seemed troubled about his life and where it was going...I would help him if I could but if he didn't know anything about where he wanted to go then how was I going to be of any help anyway.

I stretched out my feet in the confines of my heels...I reached down and undid them from both of my feet... as my now bare feet squelched underneath the wetness of the grass I breathed in and out slowly...I didn't know how long I would be able to keep my feelings for Edward inside...I so desperately wanted to tell him and as a result tonight there were moments when I had to bit the inside of my mouth just to stop me from spewing all.

"Bella?" I gasped quietly as Edward's voice rang through the silent air...I exhaled deeply as I turned to face him. "Bella...What is it?"

I shrugged and the threatening tears that had done me such an annoyance for the past how many weeks prickled at my eyes...Edward strode towards me taking hold of my shoulders...I bowed my head and sunk into his chest the tears now making the great escape down my face...Why was it that the majority of the time I spent with Edward I had always ended up being the one crying.

"What is it little sis?" Edward soothed as he ran his fingers through my hair at the top of my head...His touch sending tingles through my whole body.

Alice and her amazing presents seemed so far away again and I had almost forgotten why I had come out here in the first place...I WANTED to tell Edward I loved him...Would it be so wrong? I just didn't know if I was a risk-taker.

"I can't tell you, Edward"

"Please Bella....I want to help you...This isn't anything to do with Mike is it?"

"How could it be when I am not with him anymore" Edward's hand suddenly stilled as I had finished talking... He grabbed both my shoulders and pulled me away from his chest...A shocked look on his face.

"What did you say, Bella?"

"I said that-" I broke off suddenly realising that I had never told Edward about Mike..._Jesus Christ!_

"Tell me, Bella"

"I broke up with Mike" I confessed lamely..._It had already slipped out and there was no point denying it now._

"Did he upset you, Bella?" Edward's nostrils flared up and the sudden feeling of panic hit my lower abdomen.

"No...No I broke it off...I didn't want him to go through having to see me in hospital...I broke up with him the time he came into my room one day and you were in there"

"Oh Christ, Bella" Edward walked past me and went further into the garden in front of me...I turned.

"What's wrong, Edward?"

"I wish you would have told me, Bella...I would have been there for you"

"You can't be there for me all the time, Edward"

"I should be there all the time, Bella....I want to be there all the time" Edward twisted his body back round...His eyes were fresh with tears I went back over to him and grabbed his hand.

"Edward...Tell me what's wrong?" I pleaded.

"I am not with Jessica anymore" he confessed..._Oh my good god! _I brought my hand to my mouth.

"I'm sorry Edward...I didn't know"

"Do you want to know why I broke up with her, Bella?"

I caressed his hand gently "No...Not if you do not want to tell me"

"I want to tell you...I need to say something now otherwise I will go mad"

"Okay well maybe if we sat-" I began

"I don't need to sit down, Bella" he broke me off and I nodded for him to continue.

"You see, I have always wanted to have Jessica...It seems like for the last two years every thought of mine belonged to her and every dream I would dream would also be hers...She was the girl I desired above all else, Bella"

"I didn't know that, Edward"

"You wouldn't....Now, however things are different"

"What do you mean, Edward...You have found someone else?" O_h no please no...PLEASE say he is single....Please!_

"You could say that.."

I let go of his hand and took a few steps back clearing my throat..._I can feel the tears again, stop crying Bella you will ruin everything....stop now before he catches on. _"That's great, Edward"

"Bella I don't think that you understand" Edward seemed to be struggling to find words...I stayed still and kept my mouth shut hoping that my silence would make this a little easier for him.

"I didn't want Jess anymore because I DID want someone else...Someone I probably can never have and someone I am so much in love with I barely know how to function anymore"

"Edward-"

"Bella...Please...I need to say this...GOD do I need to" he broke me off...I nodded closing my mouth.

"I am in love....With YOU, Bella"

_I have officially died and gone to heaven...Oh can he be saying this to me after I had wanted him to do it for so long...Someone pinch me this MUST be a dream...It can't be real not for someone like me._

"I love you so much, Bella" Edward said closing the distance between us and placing his beautiful lips on my own...He moaned deeply as he opened my mouth with his..._This IS real! _I attacked his mouth with as much passion as I could as he wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders our tongues dancing together in perfect harmony. I pulled my lips away from his after a few moments and backed away from him.

"Do you really mean it, Edward?"

"I have never been so serious about anything in my entire life Bella...You are who I want...You are my world and I would go to the ends of the earth for you if I had to...I need you to be mine, Bella"

I shed my tears heavily uncontrollably sobbing...Edward tried to come towards me again but I had walked away from his arms..._What are you waiting for, Bella?!_

"Bella...Please say something?" Edward pleaded from behind me...I crumbled...I couldn't deny him and I couldn't reject the desire I felt for him. I turned around and was silent as I got close to him again...Edward smoothed his hands across my cheeks and up to my ears..I sighed before looking straight into his eyes.

"I am in love with you too, Edward" I confessed with a beaming smile...He returned the smile his eyes dazzling through the moonlight.

"Will you be mine my beautiful, amazing Bella?" He asked me stroking my tears from my face.

"Yes" I said...Edward connected our mouths again...This time the two of us allowing ourselves to feel what we felt for each other...Letting our lips move where they wanted to and to get as close as possible to each other as we possibly could. I moaned into his mouth for the first time...I placed my hands on his chest.

Edward indulged every corner of my mouth setting my body on fire...He was everywhere and I couldn't get enough of him...His hands moved from my cheeks to either side of my neck tilting it upwards so that our lips disconnected however he continued his trail onto every angle of my neck his nose and mouth touching sensitive areas of mine...I kissed his head and put my fingers in his hair to draw him closer to me.

"You don't know how long I've waited to do this, Bella...You're so beautiful" Edward said against my neck his breath tickling my skin...I couldn't help the sigh that came out of me at his words...He sent them to my soul, my heart and every part of me possible.

"I love you...Edward I love you SO much" I sighed out through moans of contentment.

Edward kissed along my collarbone before going back to my lips...I opened my mouth wider for him this time as our tongues mashed together as if they had never been apart. I skimmed my hands away from his hair and dragged them up the sleeves on his arms feeling the warm skin underneath.

"Edward...Can you do something for me?" I said in between our kisses.

"I'd do anything for you, Bella...You only have to say sweetheart" He answered placing small kisses on both my top and bottom lip.

"Touch me, Edward..." Edward lifted his head and rested his eyes on to mine..I swallowed "Please?" I pleaded.

"I don't think that is a good idea-"

"Please?" I pleaded again breaking Edward off...I admired how he wanted to see if I was comfortable before doing this first but because this all seemed too much like a dream I wanted to have him near me as much as physically possible.

"Are you sure?" Edward whispered kissing my ear and the side of my head...My knees buckled slightly.

"Yes...I need to feel you, Edward" I whispered back...I was literally floating on air at this moment.

"Where Bella...Show me where?" He said his voice husky causing my heart to skip a beat. I took one of his hands..._I still couldn't believe that I was about to do this...But it was Edward....It was all Edward...He made me feel this way and I doubted that no one else would ever come close if myself and Edward were to part._..I guided his hand to the opening of my coat and pulled it inwards to graze across one of my covered breasts...I sighed at his touch automatically arching my back a little and raising my neck slightly...Edward took the opportunity to kiss my neck again...I removed my hand from his on my chest and entwined both of them in his hair again...He caressed my breast with his hand and snaking the other one around the back of my neck.

"I am so sorry for every time I have done you wrong, Bella" he whispered as he moved his hand down from my breast to stroke my stomach I shivered underneath his touch on a new area of my body.

"No apologies, Edward...I just want to be with you" I replied kissing him again attempting to show just what he was doing to me what he had been able to do to me since the first time I kissed him....The first kiss I had EVER shared with a guy.

"Always" Edward answered.

"I hope I am not interrupting anything" Edward and I flew our mouths apart and disconnected our entwined bodies to look around to the sound of the voice.

My heart soared into my throat as I swallowed loudly as I recognised who the person had been...It can't be...It couldn't be....But it WAS.

"Mum?" I asked genuinely shocked to my core.

"Hello Bella" she said with a smile.

**I'm SORRY – Don't hate me.....! x**

**I am not very good at love scenes and I have only ever written ONE before so I decided that Edward would do it in a simple but perfect way for Bella...I hope my amazing readers like it too.**

**If there are mistakes or typos I am SO sorry I am suffering greatly from sleep prevention this week and so I am now going to have a sleep but because I love all of my readers I couldn't go without updating first....There probably will be mistakes but I will come back and edit this chapter when I have had some much-needed shut eye...I promise.**

***Runs away and hides....BEFORE doing that I need to send my love to everyone reading AML...Okay now I can go...***

**R+R.....PLEASE??? x x x x x**

**.S.**

**X x x**


	28. Pain

**Hey!**

**FINALLY got sleep last night so feeling a lot better now...! **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed saying they like the last chapter...I had about two hours sleep the night before last and well I wrote it with a huge temptation of wanting to sleep on my keyboard...:(!**

***Sylvia Cullen, Raven Jadewolfe, Katie Lou Lou x, Kiss007, MissWicca, Cullengirl08, TwilightFreak13, and hnwhitlock2000 – THANK YOU SO MUCH....x x**

***EllaJ 18 – You are being so kind to me with your reviews...I am flattered that people want to write their first fanfics now and I have said to others before that if you should need any help you only have to send me a message...I am NOT a great writer but I have an imagination and that's all that anyone ever needs.**

**I forgot to say at the beginning of last chapter that I WILL upload photos of Bella, Alice and Rosalie's dresses on my profile later on today.**

**Anyway that is it...Shorter today...I do NOT own Twilight..I OWN AML....**

**On with Chapter 27....!**

**(Songs for this chapter are: Half-life – Duncan Sheik**

**Out of Reach – Matthew Perryman Jones**

**You've got it bad – Usher)**

*~Bella~*

I was staring at my mother intently...Still in denial whether she was really there or just a figure of my imagination, if she wasn't real and I did pinch myself to find myself waking up in my bed then Edward and my confessions to each other about our true feelings were also a lie...!

"Bella, darling...You look like you have a seen a ghost...You didn't think that I would never come and find you again" my mum said to me sweetly...It was true that I had forgotten all about her since being here with the Cullens...She was now just a distant memory of someone who used to be in my life but now had gone on her own for a while...Like some people who spend time in your life and go away and come back again.

I was still feeling the effects of Edward's kisses and he did have such passion for it...Whether he had kissed Jessica like that was still something that I didn't really want to know about just yet.

"What.....what are...you doing here?" I choked out...I could feel Edward's stare from the back of my head...._Good God what the hell was he thinking? Please don't be mad at my mum or me....Wait a minute she left your life, Bella...This is your life...Edward is your life._

"I came because I have something to talk to you about, Bella" mum answered with an ueasy expression on her face...I felt sick...Not in a good way, either.

"The adoption is finalised....You won't be able to take Bella away to be her mum again" I heard Edward say behind me...His voice was not angry he was merely stating a fact...I studied my mum's face she seemed shocked for a few seconds before softening her face and smiling little.

"I am not here to take Bella away....How rude of me I haven't introduced myself...I am Renee Swan" mum was being polite about the fact that she had just seen Edward and I making out and touching each other...I could still feel the tingles on my body.

"I am Edward...Edward Cullen" Edward replied with just as much politeness...I didn't want to turn and look at his face it was possible that he would be clenching his teeth together to keep himself from throwing a fit...That was what he usually did when he was hiding something from anyone.

Mum smiled and nodded.

"Let me take you in the house" I said grabbing her hand loosely...I bent down and picked up my heels from the grass with my other hand and got to the driveway...I took the time to look back at Edward who had an apologetic smile on his face...I gave him one in response as a few moments ago we had been happy being with each other and now it would have to wait.

I led my mum into the noise of 'Do the conga' by Black lace...._I don't know how the conga had anything to do with Christmas but it was funny all the same._..I opened the door to see Alice leading the family in a massive conga line around the living room...They were all miming to the song looking like were all having a blast...There were a few older members of the family standing in the corner looking on but still laughing at the picture in front of them..._Jesus was this awkward. _I released mum's hand and took a few steps backward to where Edward was standing I leant up to his ear on my tiptoes.

"Could you let everyone know that my mum is here and I am upstairs with her...If they start to panic assure them that everything is okay" I whispered to him...He closed the front door and faced me again.

"Of course" he muttered in response...Kissing my cheek and walking to the other side of the room..I took mum's hand and led her up the stairs not looking at anything else but the floor as I did so.

I opened the door to my bedroom and led my mum inside closing the door behind me...The music now muffled slightly from downstairs.

"Wow this room is lovely, Bella" my mum remarked turning to look at me...I smiled a little and gestured to the bed mum went over and sat on it placing her hands in her lap. I stood by the window to face her fully not wanting to sit next to her just yet.

"Okay...Can you tell me why you are here please, mum?" I asked placing the heels on the floor and standing back up...The placing one of my hands on the chest of drawers next to me to keep my balance.

"I don't expect you to be happy about this, Bella and if there was any way that I could make this easier for you then I would"

"What do you mean, mum? Are you not in rehab anymore?"

"Who told you I was in rehab?"

"It's not hard to guess....You had a problem with alcohol and it seemed like the next option to make you better...I guessed that's all...No one told me where you were"

"Oh...You always were older in your mind than you were in age, Bella"

"So?"

"I DID go to rehab...I collapsed after three days" Mum's voice began to break...I got a horrible feeling in my stomach, call it intuition but this didn't look good.

"I am sorry to hear that, mum" I said genuinely...I couldn't be too mad at her for being here she was my mum after all and what kind of daughter would I be if I remained angry at her?

"They said that they couldn't do anything for me...I went to the hospital and they said that I..." mum broke off...I began to feel myself shaking from my nerves.

"Tell me; mum...It can't be that bad"

"Oh god, Bella...I am so sorry"

"Mum...For god's sake please tell me" I pleaded tears starting to fill my eyes.

"I am dying, Bella"

I lost my balance completely and fell to the floor covering my hands on my mouth..._Please tell me I did not just hear that...I want this to be a dream now...Wake up, Bella...Wake up!_

"They say that my liver is too damaged and that the cancer has spread too far to be curable..I have an estimated three months left of my life" _WAKE UP!_

"Oh, god!" I choked out my voice muffled from my hand. Mum came over and held her hands on my shoulders..I brushed her off and stood up turning away from her..._This was real...Too real!_

"I am so sorry, Bella....I made the decision to drink a long time ago and I have brought this all on myself...I know that I was never a good mother to you...But you're all I have" my mum choked out...I could tell that she was crying along with me...My heart was officially breaking.

"When did you find out about this?" I asked

"Last month...I have spent this month tracking down where you were...A mother has ways and means but I must ask you to do something for me, Bella...I have no right to ask you for anything after what I have put you through but think of it as my last request"

"Mum....You CAN'T be dying...Surely there is something else..Another option" I turned to face her...she shook her head through her falling tears.

What would she want me to do? There was nothing I could do for her I am not a doctor and I didn't know anything about Cancer.

"I want to die in England, Bella...Where I belong...I want you to come back with me and be there at the end."

"You're asking me to watch you die?!" I didn't mean for my words to come out like they did..Mum flinched a little but kept her facial expressions smooth.

"If there was any other way, Bella-"

"Why are you doing this to me....Now...When I have a new family and a new life here"? I exclaimed throwing my hands in the air.

"Sweetheart...Please...I need you" mum pleaded...I saw red again.

"What about all the times I needed YOU, mum?!"

"Bella-"

"Parents evenings...Variety shows...English Competitions...A hug when I was upset...Do these things ring any bells, mum!"

"I am sorry"

"What do you want me to say? Okay I will hop on a plane and travel thousands of miles back with you...Don't worry about my education...My family...My friends...I have taken care of you all my life, mum and now you are asking me to do something that I KNOW I can't do. I can't sit by and wait for you to die, mum...I love you too much and yes I do want you back in my life...I wanted you for a long time but in my head I told myself that you were getting better and that you would come and find me one day....Now you come back to me at Christmas to tell me that you are DYING" I explained...My voice a mix between anger and sadness.

"I love you, Bella...You have been an amazing daughter and you are so much stronger than I can ever hope to be...I don't know what to say and I can't condone my actions tonight because I should have waited but I had good intentions, Bella...I am still your mum and I need you now more than ever, Please baby?"

I silenced myself for a minute letting my emotions overtake me...I didn't want to yell at her anymore and I didn't want to make this situation harder than what it already was...I took a deep breath.

"Wait up here for a minute...I need to go and talk to my dad" I spoke steadily...Mum opened her mouth no doubt to comment on the fact that I now had a father but closed her mouth again...It was just as well because she could NEVER tell me who my real father was and Carlisle had been more of a father than i could have ever wished for in my wildest dreams...I knew that he would give me an honest opinion but I also knew that he wouldn't panic like Esme or Alice...I needed a steady person to help me with this...I knew what I wanted deep down but I needed to make sure that it was the right thing to do.

Mum nodded "Okay, sweetheart" she said walking back to my bed and sitting on it. I paced over to the door stopping before I got there and putting my hand on my mum's shoulder...This can't be easy for her and I didn't want her to think that her daughter had changed too much now she had been adopted.

I walked down the stairs...The music was still loud...I knew inside that my family would have kept the music on so as not to cause any suspicion..I gained a few waves from some family members and a few smiles...I returned them with as much confidence as I could muster luckily they were standing away from me and couldn't see my tears.

Without thinking I instantly walked into Carlisle's office...I was lucky to find all my family standing in there and turning to look at me with confused faces when they heard the door close...I walked towards them as one by one they made their way towards me.

"Bella are you okay?" Alice asked

I nodded and cleared my throat.

"I need to speak to dad" I stated...They all turned to look at Carlisle sitting at his desk, he nodded once and Esme, Alice, Emmett, Rose and Jasper all walked past me and out of the office together..I looked up at Edward...He knew I was upset and I could tell by the look on his face. He mouthed 'I love you' before making his way past me...His finger lightly tracing my hand...The door closed and I swallowed hard looking at my dad...He stood up from his chair.

"Come here, sweetie" he said holding his arms out...I quickly paced towards him...I landed in his chest resting my cheek on the softness of his shirt...He kissed my head once and held me tighter rocking us from side to side for a moment...I couldn't control the sobs that had violently taken over my body...Carlisle would be getting another wet shirt now thanks to me.

"Edward told us your mum was here, Bella...Is everything okay?" Carlisle soothed and I shook my head underneath him "is there anything we can do?" I pulled away from him to look up into his eyes.

"My mum's dying" I managed to say my vision once again clouded by my sadness.

Carlisle caressed both my cheeks wiping the tears away with his fingers "I am so sorry, Bella" he said...I lost all feeling in my feet as I began to fall I prepared myself to hit the hard floor but Carlisle's arms held me up...He wrapped his arms around the back of my legs and carried me over to his desk chair..He sat in it leading me into his lap with my legs hanging off the side in mid-air. He held me close as I continued to sob.

"She wants me to go back to England with her...She wants me to be ther...there...At the end" I choked out.

"What do you want, Bella?" Carlisle soothed

"I want my mum to come back to me when she is WELL...I don't know whether I can go and wait with her to die...She is my mum!"

"Bella, baby...I know you might not like me saying this but...As much as we might want to keep you here...You are connected to your mother by blood which is something that we will never have with you...You need to do what you think is right, Bella"

"I can't leave her...She hasn't been the best mum in the world but I don't think I could live myself knowing that she's died alone"

"There comes a time when we have to have battles with our hearts and our heads, Bella...Ifyou do decide to go back to England none of us would think any less of you...We would be waiting for you with open arms when you came back"

"What about school and my friends?"

"I am sure your friends would understand...Don't you worry about school you are definitely clever enough to come back after a time away...I can always ask Alice, Emmett or Edward if they could collect work for you and send it to you back home"

"You would do that?"

"Bella...We'd do anything for you...We will be behind you one hundred percent in whatever you choose"

I released my cheek from his shirt and looked up again; he smiled at me comfortingly as he took a few strands of hair from my face and put them behind my ear.

"Dad there something else I need to tell you"

"What is it, Bella?"

"It's going to sound so...Stupid and maybe even sick...But I can't help it"

"Okay?"

"I am in love with Edward"

Carlisle sighed but his face remained comforting...I carried on speaking to ease the awkwardness of my revelation. "I think in my mind I always have...Outside just now before my mum...Showed up we kind of told each other how we felt...But please don't be mad about this..I-" Carlisle placed his index finger on my lips.

"I am not mad, Bella...I am not surprised either" he said smoothly...He released his finger from my lips.

"You're not?"

Carlisle smiled..."No...Every time I would see you and Edward together you both had this look on your face and that's a look any parent would know...You only had it for each other you never had it for Alice and Emmett even though I know you all love each other...You and Edward were different."

"Oh"

" I have done things that I regret to this day, Bella....With Edward and with you...I should never have acted that way about the pregnancy test, Bella...I was scared and I instantly reacted not knowing about the pain and fear that I might have caused you-" I could see tears creep to the surface of Carlisle's eyes.

"It's okay, dad...I understand" I broke him off...He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Edward has been searching in his life for a long time...You have both been looking for something and now I can see that you have found each other and I couldn't be happier about it, Bella. It can't have been easy with your mum interrupting the moment, either"

I giggled lightly wiping the tears from my face.

"Edward is going to hate me, dad"

"He will understand, Bella...Edward is a good person and if he loves you then he will stick by you...The one thing I admire in my son is the fact that he loves purely and unconditionally he was very much like his mother that way"

"I love him so much"

Carlisle placed a kiss on my forehead "I am sure that he loves you too, Bella. So...What are you going to do?"

I sighed running my hand through my hair and licking my lips to bite down on them before speaking.

"I can't let my mum go...Not now. Is that wrong?"

"The fact that you still stick by your mum is extremely admirable, Bella....You have always had inner strength and now you can find it again to get through it. You will need this though"

Carlisle opened his drawer with one hand and pulled out an envelope...I took it in my shaking hands.

"What is it?"

"In there is a bank statement and a new card...The statement says how much is on it...I was going to save it until you turned seventeen but I think you will need it....Don't worry it has English pounds in it...You have another account with dollars in it but luckily I wasn't able to pay this in...I was going to exchange it for cash instead which is why I have kept it in here"

"Dad-"

"There's enough money on the card for you and your mum to live comfortably until you come back to us...I will check the card each month to see how you are doing and if you are running out then I will keep adding to it"

I looked up at him..."I am going to miss you so much" Carlisle's tears had escaped down his cheeks as he kissed both my cheeks...The wetness from my tears and his moulding together.

"I'll miss you too my darling daughter...I love you so much" he replied and I sobbed again...my dad and I cheek to cheek.

Once my sobs subsided I kissed his nose before climbing off of his lap...The envelope in my hand...I walked out of his office without another word or look. The house was quiet now and I am sure that the celebrations were over...I climbed the stairs to find Esme coming back down them with my mum on her arm.

"Hello Bella, I am just going to make your mum a cup of tea...Edward is up there waiting for you" _God bless Esme for everything she had done for me...She was such a great mum and had been a great substitute for my biological mum._ I smiled appreciatively at her and smiled at my mum before walking into my room and closing the door.

I looked at Edward who had come flying towards me to place his lips on mine...I moaned into his mouth our tongues didn't touch however as he disconnected us after a moment and wrapped his arms around me and holding me securely.

"Are you alright my Bella?" He asked.

"No" I answered

He kissed me lovingly on the cheek before bending to lift me...I wrapped my legs around his waist as he led us to the bed...I straddled his lap holding onto his shoulders my gaze on our entwined legs.

"It's my mum...She's dying" I said avoiding his gaze and putting the envelope next to us on the duvet.

Edward attacked my forehead with passionate kisses...I could feel myself melting underneath him..He was such a good kisser. "I'm sorry baby" he said...My fingers caressed his cheeks before I tugged them down...Our faces as close as we could manage without physically touching.

"I need to go back to England..Edward" I confessed...His jaw clenched slightly as I bit my lip "don't hate me, Edward...I need to be with my mum right now" I said...He suddenly grabbed my waist with both his hand and led me backwards onto the bed...I landed with my back on the mattress as he hovered over the top of me...He connected our mouths again his tongue soon touching my lower lip for entrance...I gave it to him as we let our tongues and mouths mouth once more in the best way possible...More tears fell down my cheeks...Edward had never kissed me like this, there was desire and longing in the way that his lips moved on mine never leaving any area untouched...He moved his mouth from my lips to my jaw..Kissing along one side before lifting his head back up...His own tears had began to fall as well.

"Bella....You have only just been made mine" he choked out...My heart felt like it had been put in a blender in that moment. "Please don't leave me" he pleaded as he kissed my forehead...He wasn't angry...He was heartbroken or at least he would be.

"Edward I am sorry" I said my voice also on the verge of breaking completely "I have to be with my mum..."

"God Bella...I love you so much...I don't think I could live without you...Is there anything I could do to make you stay?" Edward was still kissing every area of my face but not with the intent to persuade me to stay but because I could feel the love he felt for me...For once I felt completely loved in my life and as usual there was always something in the way of my happy ending.

"Edward...If your mum were to be alive and she said to you that she needed you to be with her as she was dying would you just leave her?" I asked him my voice smooth...I didn't feel any anger for the fact that he wanted me to stay I was more overwhelmed.

"No...You're right, Bella...I DO understand I just don't want it to be now...I don't want you to leave me just as we are FINALLY together" I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him upwards...We swayed together up to where he was sitting underneath me again my legs around his waist...I stroked both his cheeks with my hands.

"Edward...Look at me" he looked up at me his stunning evergreen eyes piercing my soul "I will NEVER leave you...Believe me when I say that....I am SO in love with you, Edward...I will come back and be with you..I know that I can't live without you either...You just have to wait for me...Can you do that for me?"

"I would wait forever for you, Bella" Edward stated his voice still clouded with emotion...His tears had now reached his chin as more began to fall from his eyes.

"Don't hate me..Edward"

"I could never hate you, Bella...It's not possible." Edward took a deep breath "I suppose I should give you your Christmas present now"

I don't know how he did it but Edward reached down to my bedroom floor with one hand his eyes still on mine and brought up two wrapped boxes...One small and square whilst the other was bigger and more rectangular.

"You open them for me" I said to him...He unwrapped the bigger one first taking the item out of it and holding it out to me....It was a mobile phone.

"Edward-" I began

"It's all sorted...It has mine, Carlisle's, Esme's, Alice's, Emmett's, Rose's and Jasper's numbers all in it...It saves paper and it will be nice to know that I will be able to talk to you whenever I want without waiting for mail" he admitted and I smiled...I was about to open my mouth to thank him before he started unwrapping the smaller one...He opened the red velvet top and turned the box around in his hands to face me...I gasped.

Inside the box was a silver locket..Medium sized not too large and not too small the chain was a straight and wavy design and there was a little clear stone on top of the locket that sparkled in the light.

"Open it, Bella" Edward said...I rested my shaking fingertips on the locket and pulled the two halves of it apart...Inside the locket was a black and white family picture set in the circle of all the Cullens...My family. I shed new tears....I had never imagined Edward would give me such a gift and I never imagined that he would be as thoughtful but I was so grateful to be wrong. I closed the locket and popped the lid down...I took the box and the phone from his hands and placed them with my envelope next to us.

"When did you get that picture done?!" I exclaimed

"When you were in the hospital" Edward replied.

"I love you Edward Cullen" I said before snaking my hands around his shoulders and pulling him to me...I put as much passion and love into my kiss as I could manage...He responded eagerly stroking my hair with one hand and one of my cheeks with another.

"I love you too Bella Swan...Always" he said against my lips as we disconnected completely. "I guess I should help you pack" he choked out...I kissed him again not wanting to hear him upset.

We then both got up and did the impossible thing that people do when they say goodbye...I would be leaving the love of my life behind me for a time and even though I wanted to crumble and say that I would stay I owed it to my mum to be there for her...I knew now that the Cullens would be waiting for me.

Once I had finished packing I had told Edward to stay in my room with my bag until I came back from seeing Alice and Emmett...I didn't know who to go for when I stood in the hallway...They would both persuade me not to go so I suppose I couldn't win either way...I went up to Emmett's room first knocking on the door.

"Come in" I heard Emmett's voice against the door... I turned the doorknob and opened his door to find him and Rose sitting together on the bed...They both stood up the same way Carlisle had done when they realised it was me. Without closing the door I walked to the centre of the room and standing still.

"I am going to England" I stated wanting to get my confession over with "my mum is dying of liver cancer and she wants me to be with her when she goes" I said feeling my emotion through my torso once again...This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

"Oh god, Bella" Rose said as she walked towards me and held me in a hug...I left my arms at my side and looked over at Emmett who had also begun to shed tears.

"How long will you be gone?" He choked out attempting to keep his voice steady but failing.

"I don't know...I am sorry that I am ruining everyone's Christmas" I said..Rose released her hold and faced me stroking my hair.

"Bella you haven't ruined anything...We are not going to ask you stay even though I can say for both myself and Emmett that we want to...You have to do what you think is right, Bella" she said...I was so thankful for everyone's understanding of my choice and in a way, it made me saying goodbye to them harder.

Emmett stood up from the bed...Rose moved out the way as Emmett gave me a bear hug kissing me on the cheek before resting his head on my shoulder...I wrapped my arms around his back.

"I love you so much Bella-boo...I am going to miss you" Emmett cried into my shoulder I wrapped my arms tighter around him.

"I love you too" I said...Rose wrapped her arms around myself and Emmett then...I know what they wanted to say and what they both preferred me to do...If there was another way to ensure that my mum gained a full recovery then I would have stayed with all of them here, too...In a heartbeat.

When we all parted I sniffed "thank you for my present by the way"

"You're welcome" Emmett said with a smile.

"Are you going tonight?" Rose asked.

"I don't know..Probably" I replied and she nodded in understanding.

"Will you come downstairs and say goodbye to me...I need to go and see Alice first but-"

"Of course we will, Bella boo" Emmett broke me off...He followed me out of the room his arm tight around Rose...We parted as Emmett and Rose went down the stairs and I went further down the hallway to Alice's room. The door was open so I just let myself in.

I almost wished I hadn't interrupted when I saw Alice and Jasper standing in front of her large mirror..Jasper had his arms around Alice and his hands were on his stomach..Her hands were on top of his...Once they saw my reflection in the mirror they turned around together and released their hold on each other.

"Bella what's happened?" Alice asked skipping towards me.

"I am sorry, Alice...I am going home..My mum has cancer and is dying...I need to be with her" I said..Alice covered her hands with her mouth as her emotion took over her.

"Alice...Please don't cry..The baby" I said my voice choking.

"I am sorry, Bella" she said lifting her hands off her mouth "That's awful...I just don't know what to say...Are you going tonight?"

"I think so" I replied as her tears fell further down her face...I looked over at Jasper who had his head bowed to the floor...It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was affected by my revelation as well.

"I love you, Alice" I said wrapping my arms around her tightly she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I suppose...There...is nothing-"

"No Alice..I would stay you know I would but I can't"

"I understand...She's...Your...Mom"

"Thank you"

"You have been...The best...Sister, Bella." Alice choked as we parted I wiped a few tears from her face and then looked down at her tummy.

I knelt down to my knees and held her stomach lightly in both my hands and stroked her unborn baby once before placing a kiss in the centre.

"Goodbye, little one" I said to her stomach..Alice let a sob out through her body forcing her stomach to shudder slightly...I got back up to standing.

"Alice...Please" I pleaded...The last thing I needed was for her to put stress on herself and her baby she nodded smiling a little in understanding.

I looked over at Jasper who was now facing me again.

"Will you take care of them for me?" I asked him indicating that I was talking about Alice and his child...I didn't know whether it would be awkward for him to hug me..We had only hugged once and I didn't know him as well as Rose because we hadn't talked as much...However Jasper strode towards me and pulled me into a hug.

"I will, Bella...Thank you for everything" he said soothingly as I nodded into his shoulder..We pulled apart quickly as Jasper took hold of Alice's hand. I took Alice's other hand and led her out of my room...I walked down to the floor of mine and Edward's room to see Rose and Emmett talking to Edward who was standing at my door. They all looked over to me as I walked towards them..I nodded to them not wanting to speak..I released Alice's hand and went down the stairs first as they all followed in pursuit behind me.

I walked over to the kitchen and saw my mum, Esme and Carlisle standing there..Esme had been crying as her eyes were puffy and I was glad that I wouldn't have to tell her...I probably couldn't handle having to explain my decision one more time. I looked over at my mum who was looking back at me.

"Come on" I said to my mum..She smiled appreciatively at me before standing up and taking my hand..We all gathered in the living room...I looked at all the Cullens'.

"Here are two tickets for a flight at 2am...There is also a cab waiting outside to take you to the airport...It's already been paid for...I would take you, Bella but I have been drinking."

Carlisle placed the tickets into my hand "you won't have to use your Christmas present now" he added and I smiled. Edward handed me my bag and I took it...I was about to place it over my shoulder before I tugged my hand out of my mum's and landed in all of the arms of my family...They all hugged me and each other together...It was another moment where we didn't need words and even if we had words we wouldn't be able to express what we truly felt because my mum was also in the room.

"Thank you to you all for taking care of Bella" my mum said genuinely. I let go of my family.

I turned around picking up my bag and opening the front door and there on the driveway was a yellow taxi...I was about to stop and say to Carlisle that I still had his coat on but I wanted to keep something of my dad with me...Even if I had tried to give it back he would have demanded I keep it anyway.

I opened the door of the taxi and put my bag in as my mum climbed in the other side...I turned to face my family who were all gathered on the front steps of the house...I blew them a kiss before climbing in the taxi and closing the door...I put a hand on the window and waved timidly..The Cullens' blew me kisses one by one as the taxi moved taking them away into the distance.

I sunk back in the seat without looking at my mum...

Everyone I loved including my boyfriend were now going to be far away...I couldn't regret my decision or be mad at myself for making it...If I were in my mum's shoes I would want my daughter's decision to be the same as mine.

I just couldn't stop the pain.

*~Edward~*

The minute you have the thing you desire above all else...You never know when they will just go one minute...My Bella...The love of my life had gone and there was nothing I could have done to stop her.

I didn't hate her and I wasn't angry at her mum, either...I would have done exactly what she had done if I were in Bella's shoes.

I ran through the front door and up to my room slamming the door behind me and landing on my bed face down..I let myself cry it out...I was so in love with Bella...There were no words to describe it...The fact that she loved me too made me ecstatic above anything else...Now I would have to make do without her for a while whether I liked it or not.

I heard my door open slowly and after a few moments a hand was on my shoulder..I looked up from the pillow to find both my mum and my dad standing there...I turned my body round and sat up...Dad and mum sat either side of me and held me from either side...Dad rubbed my shoulder and my mum stroked my cheeks.

I sobbed until I fell asleep.

*~Bella~*

(Later)

I tied the airplane seat belt around my waist and looked out of the window.

"I want to say thank you, darling" my mum said as I turned to face her "I love you so much and I appreciate this...So much more than you will ever know. I am so sorry that you have to leave the Cullens they seemed like an amazing family"

"They are" I choked out...I sank into her shoulder the final tears shedding from my eyes...Mum stroked my face as the plane moved from the airport.

I would be going home....I couldn't find any positive things about that fact but I made the choice...I just wish that I didn't have to leave Edward behind....

I hoped that he was okay.

**I do NOT know whether ANY planes fly out on Boxing day or whether you can get hold of tickets but pretend it does for the sake of AML ****.**

**ALSO don't hate Renee or Bella for what they each have done...I KNOW what I am doing and it's like people say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'.**

**Bella WON'T be away in England for long...I PROMISE...She needs to say goodbye to her mum properly and it is only natural considering Bella is the only thing her mum has left.**

**I DID find this chapter VERY emotional so I REALLY hope you liked it.**

**Review and tell all...**

**Lots of love**

**.S. x**


	29. Unexpected actions

**WOW there were some NEW reviewers on last chapter....THANK YOU it means so much to see that my story is spreading slowly ****.**

**List of Thank YOUs: 'Raven Jadewolfe, Katie Lou Lou, hmwhitlock2000, MissWicca, ajayee, EllaJ 18, cullengirl08, Sylvia Cullen, Moon Shadow, Dodger McClure and 00chely00' I am SO glad that you liked last chapter....! Lots of love.**

**I do not own Twilight....I own AML (I keep forgetting to do that!)**

**On with Chapter 28 :D**

**Just to warn you that this chapter is ALL in BPOV...This is HER time in the story and she will be very surprised as to what's in store later.**

*~Bella~*

(January)

Even though I preferred England over America I could never prefer living the way I used to at my mum's house when I have the Cullens'...After a long flight mum and I got a taxi back to our house (of course all of the drivers drive on the opposite side to what I have been used to) and the fares were cheaper...My mum just had enough money left over for the driver and I hadn't been to a cash machine yet to withdraw some money from the card Carlisle had given me.

I stepped out of the taxi and looked up at the house...I didn't know whether to feel happy that I was back again or sad that my house was NOT the Cullens'...I had shed a few tears looking at the chipped and murky exterior that used to be the whitest of whites and the leaning black fence that also used to be white...The grass hadn't been cut and was climbing up to our ankles...I dreaded then to think about what the inside looked like...There had been a period of time where mum would have kept on top of the household duties but then when she would have a drink she would simply give up and sit down all day and do nothing...She had lost her job years ago before I had been taken to Sandgrove and so she wasn't earning a penny...I had only owned one outfit besides my school uniform before entering Sandgrove and so when Alice had given me all the clothes she did I promised myself that I wouldn't wish to have them for always and when I would eventually go back home I would not rub it in my mum's face that my new family have got money and do live comfortably ...Something that I never had done with her.

The inside was no better...I have never seen our house so dirty...I wanted to hit my mum for abandoning it and allowing herself to live like this but there were so many reasons as to why she didn't have the time for one she had been in hospital for the last...Well actually I don't know how long she spent there and well...If the house had no one living in it to keep it clean then it wasn't fair to assume that my mum had lived comfortably in recovery.

I would have to be the one to clean everything from now on...Mum was getting weaker and it was more obvious this month like now I do not believe that she would be able to get on a plane at all...It saddened me that I was watching my mum slowly deteriorate in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it. She had refused medication...At least that is what she said.

"Yoo-hoo...Bella!" I knew that voice anywhere...It must have been mid-January although I had no concept of the date or even what day it was anymore...I was in the front garden trimming down the hedges with a pair of hedge clippers that I didn't even realise we owned...It's amazing what you can find when you look into a shed for the second time in your whole life...I was a mix between cold and hot in temperature and my legs were killing me...My neighbour Mrs Brown skipped my way...My mum had gone to have a lie-down and so I was going to be the one to have green fingers.

"Hi Mrs Brown" I said attempting to be as enthusiastic as she was to see me...But I missed Edward too much to be purely happy..I knew that I would be complete once I was with him again but for now I had decided to keep busy and that is what I was doing.

"Ducky...We haven't seen you for months..How have you been?!" Clearly Mrs Brown the usual town gossip hadn't heard about me being adopted and moving to America. I put the clippers down and stood up...Brushing the dirt off my trousers as I went.

"I have been away just on a break...Mum insisted" I said trying to keep the talk about myself and my mum's personal life to a minimum.

"Ahh well you look good considering you are gardening...So you going back to school?"

"Yes...Well hopefully"

"Good....Look if you need anything my lovie don't hesitate to knock on my door" she remarked..._If we need anything? Since when has she offered to do us ANY favours...I am not going to be given a cup of tea and forced to spill all...I may be young but I am not stupid!_

"Thank you very much" I answered clenching my teeth down hard.

"I better be off...We have another W.I. meeting...Toodles" Mrs Brown skipped off and can I just say that that was the last time I ever saw her or she ever saw me...Don't get too friendly with neighbours in ANY country you never know what kind of games they want to play.

So the rest of the month had gone abysmally slow...I tried everything I could to maintain a smile for my mum but it had always been hard. Edward called me every night...Our conversations were varied sometimes we could talk for hours and sometimes it would just be a simple 'Hi and How are you' I was lying to him...I would always say that everything was okay when it wasn't...It wasn't long into the month before my mum couldn't leave her bed and so I would have to run her errands as well as do everything else in the house...I was back in my childhood again. I didn't have the heart to say to Edward how much I needed him he couldn't come all the way over here to see me....He had his own things to do and I didn't want to get in the way...I never asked him so far and I didn't plan to my mum was deteriorating slowly and it would only be a matter of time and I would be prepared I had to be.

Alice and Rosalie had also been frequent callers...Of course during my conversations with Alice she would put Jasper on to say hi and the same would go with Rosalie and Emmett...They did seem so far away even though they were in reality...You never know what you have until you lose it and I was beginning to see that now...Carlisle and Esme were also keeping contact with me...I could tell when they were speaking that they were trying to keep everything normal but like me, deep down they were suffering as much as I was. I had known deep down that they all loved me but now I couldn't ever say otherwise.

It fell on the 23rd when I started receiving letters from my school...Apparently they had heard that I was back and they wanted me to enrol my old place there...How could I go back to my school here when I had only just gotten used to the way the Americans learnt? I ripped all of them up hoping that my mum would never see them..She would force me to go back and learn as much as I could to get far in life but knowing my track record of luck I would go to school one day and come back to find my mum dead and I would regret having not said goodbye to her and I vowed when I was very young once I had learnt what the word regret was, of course, to not have any in my life...And so far I didn't.

The weather had gotten colder and we had a fair amount of snowfall but that was typical for England it was very much like Forks in the way that the sun hardly ever shone and you would always end up with a numb nose at the end of each day.

Our house did not have electricity or hot water either...I had the honour of calling up various different companies to ask that we have our insurance renewed...How could mum have lived

like this??

I was emotionally and physically drained and there wasn't an option to sit down in the middle of the day because there were things that needed to be done...Plumbers, electricians, repairmen coming in and out each day...I had used the card Carlisle had given me feeling slightly guilty that it was his money I was paying all this work done with and not my own...I was also very excited about the job that Alice had hooked me up with...When I couldn't sleep at night...Which was often considering my mind would never be able to rest I would think about what I would be doing if I were back in Forks...I couldn't think about it for too long because I would always end up crying..Someone needed to be strong in the remains of this family and it HAD to be me.

I didn't have much to say for my trip back in England...Only a few people knew that I was back and I wanted to keep it that way...I missed my old school friends but they would have all moved on now...I did leave a good while ago, after all...So to find a good word to describe January...LONELY.

The days were spent cleaning and sorting the house and the nights would be spent talking to adopted family and getting around two hours sleep and some nights even less...I looked in the mirror each morning to see that the black rings under my eyes had increased slowly I began to look like a raccoon but I had abandoned the idea of using makeup...I wasn't going out anywhere and I wasn't seeing anybody so it didn't matter...I was living as a hermit so it would be best if I LOOKED like a hermit as well.

*February*

February had been no better...I was pleased that I was able to keep up with the house now so by doing the occasional flick around twice a week I wouldn't have to worry about the upkeep...Mum had been in bed for the last two and a half weeks I had offered to help her with various different things but she had always refused my help..She did the basics like washing but would go straight to bed afterwards...It was so hard to see her so weak...I had ignored calls from my family this month because it was all getting to be too much now and if I heard one of their voices then I would instantly breakdown and say that I needed help...I made this decision so I should be the one to follow it through...I would have to lie in the bed that I made.

The daily conversation between my mum and I was very little...She already seemed like she had gone which in a way made things a little easier for me because it wouldn't be much different when she was gone but she was my mum and even though she had done wrong on more than one occasion in my life I still needed her and I wanted her to be there for me in the future when I get married and have her grandchildren...I mean I am still young but every girl thinks about this kind of stuff, right? My grandkids would never have a grandmother or a grandfather that was connected to them by blood and even though they would have beautiful stand-in grandparents and other relatives in the Cullens...I knew things would never be the same.

My biological father would never walk me down the aisle and now neither would my biological mother...They wouldn't see the first steps of my children or the first day of school...Thinking about how I was now completely on my own..The last member of the Swan family hurt me like hell...Ten stabbing knives into my heart with no one here in England to see me bleed and rescue me.

The depression in my mind was still very much a part of me...I had improved greatly since I had told Edward I loved him because that was one of the things that was killing me the most but now, here in my house with all the memories coming back...I was finding it hard...I was finding it ALL hard.

I never saw any neighbours in this month either...It was normal that less people ventured out in England in the months of January and February because they were the coldest months of the year but you always saw SOMEONE...Maybe they all had the right idea and decided to stay away...Me and my mum were never sociable people and that's why when I first saw the Cullens and how they lived it threw me for six...Now, I wouldn't have it any other way.

One day this month I had finished all the house and then found that I was stuck on anything to do...I went up to my mum's room placing the small amount of food on the bedside table...I had eaten what was in the freezer..Which wasn't a lot but my mum was unpredictable with her eating patterns and since I would now try and face the world outside she needed to have something to eat and drink...She was asleep which made things a bit easier...I wasn't up for conversation I just needed some air...I got the large bottle of water off of her floor and poured some into the glass on her bedside table.

I left her room again and grabbed the front door keys off the little hook behind our front door...I also took Carlisle's coat and wrapped it over myself before stepping outside closing my front door behind me.

The one thing I could never diminish was the beauty of our little village...It had everything we needed even though if you closed your eyes on the one road it stands on you would miss it...There had never been anyone I knew living here with me or anyone that I happened to meet later in my school life...I was the only young person by a mile even though it had changed now...I was always living in my own bubble and that had been a clear indication about how I never went out in my past and had a good time...I was content with what I had and that was it...I didn't need anything else.

I pulled up the hood on the coat...It had began to drizzle and as much as I hated my hair at the moment because I had no energy to make it look any good I didn't want to catch a cold...My mum was ill enough for the both of us at the moment without me bringing more germs in the house.

I heard the church bell toll....The chime echoing through the abnormally quiet surroundings..As a child I would often see brides coming out of their wedding cars with their proud and smiling fathers on their arms...The bridesmaids would look happy and everyone would affect the overall atmosphere so even the people looking at the picture who would have their own issues in life would smile too. I had always loved the white dress and how it would flow...The weddings that were held here were people with taste...We always has the brides in white, at least the ones I had always seen and I had seen a good few. I would have that someday if a man loved me as much as I did him...I never thought it would be Edward..I didn't have that fantasy because we are too young but as much as I loved him now I don't think that we would end up loving each other in the same way about ten years from now...We would probably go back to being brother and sister again and that would suit me..As long as I had him IN my life in some way then I would be happy.

I reached the black iron gates of the church...I had never been religious or had any kind of faith growing up but my mum was a loving Christian in every way...She would take me to church on Sunday but she had always given me the choice to choose what I believed which was something that I would always appreciate her for.

My mum and I were well known in this church and the vicar had always been especially kind to me...I couldn't for the life of me tell you his name but I remembered what he looked like vaguely and I am sure that I would recognise him if I saw him again.

I paced up to the church wiping my feet on the doormat once I was fully inside...I pulled my hood down...There was an organ playing but there was no singing like I had been used to...The organ music used to make me sleepy as a child and I am pleased it doesn't now I am older.

The air in the church had a smell of old books and varnish but I wasn't complaining it was nice to be somewhere different besides my house...I sat down on the nearest row to me and looked straight ahead at the large statue of what I assumed was Jesus Christ along with a large window with pictures painted into the glass...I bowed my head as I listened to the music with as much concentration as I could....

I let my thoughts wonder under the influence of the Organ....Mum.....England.....Tiredness.....Edward....Esme....Carlisle....Alice..Emmett..Rosalie...Jasper....Death....Spirit....Souls.....Childhood.....Basically anything that came into my head...It was soothing now I was on my own and allowed to think about these things.

The music stopped suddenly on a funny key and I looked up to see that the man who had been playing was getting up off the stool...He turned to face me and smiled.

_Well would you believe it? That was the vicar...The man I remember...I said I would recognise him...How was it possible he was still the vicar here? I hadn't seen him in years._

"Hello Bella Swan" He greeted me his voice echoing through the church...I was thankful that there wasn't anyone else in the church with me otherwise this would have been very embarrassing...I watched him walk over to me pulling his robe higher as he descended the steps...There was a large cross on his chest and he had the same white dog collar on his neck...He sat down next to me as I scooted a little to make room I had chosen to sit in the middle so that I wouldn't have an end to prefer...Like my bed back at the Cullens I chose to sleep in the middle...That was when Edward wasn't sleeping in there with me.

"It has been a long time, Bella...How have you been keeping?" The vicar asked me his gaze falling on the statue like mine had been when I first came in.

"I am sorry....That I am in here...I am not religious but I need to find somewhere to be rather than at home"

"You don't need to be religious to come to church; Bella...Would you like to talk about why you can't be at home?"

I looked over at him...If there was anyone I could talk to about my issues then it would have to be him..My mother had been talking to her friends once and she had been persuading them to join the church..She had stated that what is said in church goes nowhere else and so this seemed like the best option...I was already upset but I didn't want to get so upset that I picked up another razor blade again.

"My mum is dying" I said fighting back the tears....The vicar placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I am sorry to hear that, Bella...Is that why you are not in school?"

"I was....adopted....I live in America now...My mum couldn't look after me because she is an alcoholic and now...There is nothing I can do to save her."

"If God wants to take your mother then there is nothing going to stop him...It's just her time, Bella...We all have our time to die"

"Why does it have to be NOW?"

"I can't answer that, Bella...I preach the works of the lord I do not control what he does"

"It's just so hard"

"Bella...You are strong...Anyone can see that...The way that you have come back here with the intention of looking after your mum takes strength..She will always remember that Bella and she will always be with you...maybe not physically but in spirit"

"I don't believe in spirits...Surely once you die you die"

"Not necessarily, Bella...Look I do not know what it's like to have a member of my family die...I have experienced it a long time ago when I was a child but I don't remember how it felt. People grieve in different ways, Bella some find it a comfort to believe in an afterlife but it's your choice"

"I want a choice to have my mum live...Obviously I can't do that"

"If we all wanted to live and stay on this earth then there would be no room for new generations"

"What does God say about love?"

"Why do you ask that little Bella?"

"I just wondered...I remember hearing something my mum said once...You can never love someone fully unless you explore the physical side of your relationship with them?" I didn't help myself by saying the various different things that occupied my head but this man had been a vicar since I was a child and he must have heard this at least a million times from other people....I just found myself cringing slightly at the fact that I had mentioned sex to a man of obvious views and concrete faith..._Oh jeez..This is a good way to make things more awkward, Bella...Next time...THINK!_

"Consummating a relationship is normal, Bella...There are some people who believe that they shouldn't consummate until after marriage but it doesn't apply to everyone"

"What does God think that we should do?"

"He left this earth to us, Bella..So that we may take care of it for him...He would probably want you to do the thing that you thought was right"

"Even if it was doomed to be wrong or a possible disaster for the couple?"

"I think it's time for me to take this off" I looked back over at him and saw that he had taken off his dog collar with one move and was now unwrapping the cross from around his neck...I stared at him in amazement.

"What? I can be a normal man too" he said...He must have been able to see the shock plastered all over my face.

"I am sorry...I didn't m-"

"It's okay, Bella...Seeing as you are young and probably don't want me talking about God as if I owned his opinions..Which of course I don't I will talk to you just like a friend instead"

"I haven't had many friends"

"You have a voice though, Bella" he responded...The man had a point. "I fell in love with my wife when we were eighteen...I was a soldier in the war and it was Christmas break for all the troops...I decided this Christmas to stay at my best friend's house with his family and it turned out to be the best decision I ever made...I remember walking through the door and greeting his parents...They were the nicest couple I have EVER met...We talked for a while with them about the war and then he called his sister in..She had been hanging up washing outside and she turned round once he had called her and she smiled...From that moment I was hooked...Love is an unstoppable pull, Bella you can't ever prepare yourself for it"

"You're still married?"

"Yes...Coming up to our 50th this year...What I am trying to say, Bella is that if you want to go into that part of the relationship just be careful and make sure it is what you really want...Never do it just because the person you are with wants you to do it...It never works that way"

"I won't be able to talk to my mum about ANY of this"

"She will know and besides you said you were adopted...You have adoptive parents so you can always talk to them" _ummm talking to Esme about the idea of having sex with Edward was something that I hoped I would never have to do...Now it's all I can think about...I had to go and bring all this up._

"So what do you suggest I should do about my mum?"

"Stay with her, Bella...She clearly needs you and if you can get out of the other side without causing any great harm you will be so much stronger as a person. Your mum was such an avid believer and we have missed her over the years...She will be missed but she will always have a place in the hearts of people who cared about her...Always" I let a tear go from my face and gave the vicar an appreciative smile.

"Thank you"

"The door is always open, Bella and I will be here if you ever need to let go again" he smiled at me and I smiled in response before standing up and walking out of the row...I never looked behind me as I pulled my hood back up and went out into the air again...I didn't need to...I was relieved.

For the first time since being back in England I felt good...Not ecstatic but my mind was clear although next time I spoke to a priest I demanded inwardly that I not bring up sex again...If I spent my time thinking about fully loving Edward in that way I would NEVER get ANYTHING done.

I walked back through the front door hooking my keys back on the hook and walking up to my mum's room to check on her...I opened the door and she was laying there a little smile on her overly pale features.

"Hello Bella" she croaked and I walked towards her...I felt bad considering I had been at church for longer than I had hoped.

"I am sorry, mom I just needed some air" I took her hand and sat in my chair beside her.

"It's okay sweetheart...I don't have much time left"

"What?" _Not now...Please not now...!_

"I can feel myself going...It's not like sleep it's like...I'm being pulled" mum's voice was so quiet that I could only just about hear what she was saying.

"No...Mum you can't leave me...Not right now..."

"I am sorry for doing this to you, my Bella. You have been so good to me...You have always been so good"

"Mum...Please?" I pleaded...Tears falling along with the sound of panic in my voice...I held her hand up to my cheek.

"You need to go and be with the boy you love...He is very good looking by the way" I gasped at her remark but it was more of a laugh then a sound out of shock "I am so proud of you, Bella"

"Mum..I don't want you to leave...I thought I would be prepared but I am not...Please" I choked out...I couldn't have her go now...It hadn't even been three months.

"I have to, Bella...You have been so strong, stronger than I could ever hope to be in my entire life...You need to go and live your life now, Bella"

"My life is nothing without you in it, mum....I am going to miss you so much"

"I will miss you too, Bella...I will miss making up for my mistakes by being there for you...I was such an awful mother"

"No....No...You made mistakes mum but so did I"

"Don't try and make me feel better now baby I know what I have done and I will always be sorry for the choice I made and how I decided to live my life...This is my time for remorse...Can you forgive me sweetheart?"

"There's nothing to forgive mum" The tears were really falling now...I knew that she was going and it broke me in half.

"Please honey?"

"Okay...I forgive you" mum smiled...Not like a normal smile a smile of relief...I held on to her hand tighter.

"Now I can go...I love you my darling Bella...Never stop believing that" she said her eyes fluttering closed...A sob broke through my body.

"I love you mum" I choked out...Then her eyes closed slowly...She was gone...Her chest would never rise and fall again and she would never stand again....I would never see her smile or have another hug from her

I cried into her hand...It had all been a shock...I had filled out what I came here to do to be with her when she went but it was still a surprise..I cried long into the night still grasping onto her hand hoping that somewhere she knew that I was still here and that my tears were for her and how much I was going to miss her and have her in my life.

*March*

All the funeral arrangements had been a nightmare to organise...The fact that my mum was dead still hadn't completely sunk in and I was lost as to what to do about her final send off but I had the help of the vicar and some other women who claimed to be in one of my mother's social clubs...I was grateful for any help this month and I didn't care if those people didn't particularly like having to do it...Odds are I would never see them again.

"Are you ready to go in now, Bella?" The vicar said to me as I stood outside glaring up at the church...I had intentionally not worn black I didn't have to wear a particular colour to show that I was grieving I turned to him and nodded before walking in.

There wasn't a huge number of people that had turned up and said goodbye to my mother but there were more than what I imagined there would be....They all shot me a sympathetic smile at some point whilst I made my way to my seat at the front..I sat down and stayed there until I would be welcomed up to speak.

There had been a few hymns that the vicar had said my mum liked...I felt a little ashamed that I didn't know any of her favourite hymns but brushed it off when the vicar invited me up to say a few words...I hadn't written anything down because I wanted to speak from my heart..I was trembling and I desperately wanted to cry but I needed to say goodbye to her properly..I placed both my trembling hands on the podium to hold myself up and began to speak.

"Renee..My mum made mistakes

Some that she may not be proud of

Others may say that she did not deserve to be a mother or others may disagree and say otherwise

As her only daughter I am here to prove you wrong and fight her corner as she had always fought mine...Mum was an unique and amazing lady who touched the lives of many people as I was growing up and she has never touched my life as she has right now...I have been further than rock bottom in my mind and I know how easy it is to want to punish yourself for things you can't control...I understand that my mum chose alcohol as an escape from reality and even though at times I hated her and I wanted to shake her and tell her to wake up...It was impossible...Mum made a choice to drink and in doing so she lost me but she also lost her identity...Mum's choice is now something she is paying the ultimate price for and that shows courage...The courage to know that you have done wrong and be genuinely sorry for it...which mum did the evening she died...Words can't describe how much I will always love and cherish my mother for the times she was there for me...I am more proud of her than I have been of anyone and so I hope that I grow up to be half the lady that she was one day and the lady mum will continue to be in our hearts.

This is my goodbye to Renee Maria Swan...My mother.

I will always love you."

I couldn't believe that I was able to get all of the words out...There was a loud applause after I had finished and that signalled the end of the service...I hadn't cried as much as I thought I would but I was pleased that my mum was at peace now wherever she was.

After watching my mum enter the ground...I said my goodbyes and thanks to everyone who had been so nice as to come today...Once everyone was gone the vicar rubbed my shoulder once and walked off with them...I however went over to a bench on the other side of mum's grave...I sat down and put my hands in my lap breathing in the cold air and watching the flowers on mum's and all the other graves sway slowly with the wind...I closed my eyes and let the wind wash over me.

I was about to allow myself to release all my tears when I felt something touch the centre of my nose...I opened my eyes and turned to the side to find someone who I never thought I would see.

"Edward?" I gasped...He smiled at me and kissed both my eyelids one after the other..._Edward was here with me...Oh god how I had needed him and he was here!_ He leant forwards and caught my lips in a loving kiss...I melted into his chest placing both my hands on it and enjoying the feel of his lips on my own again..He introduced our tongues to each other once again allowing me to feel the familiar tingle that he sent through my body. How had he known mum had gone today? How had he got here at all? As much as I wanted to ask him these questions I was too busy loving him instead and so I couldn't bring myself to care.

I gasped uncontrollably as he disconnected our mouths...I could feel the trail of my tears down my cheeks...Edward grabbed both sides of my head and pulled my head forwards as he kissed my forehead...Down my nose...My chin...My jaw...I put my hands on his shoulders moving them from my chest I gripped him tightly not wanting him to leave me.

"I love you" Edward whispered into the skin at my jaw just underneath my ear..He worked his way down to my neck not leaving any area left to cool under the air around us.

"I missed you" I choked out...Edward lifted his head to connect our eyes together..He put both his hands on my cheeks and rubbed the tears from them and also from my eyes.

"I missed you too sweetheart...You look so tired my Bella" he soothed and I smiled...If only he knew how much sleep I had got in the last two months he would probably have a heart attack.

I sank into his chest again putting my head into the crook at his neck...My position was slightly awkward considering how I was sitting on the bench but Edward wrapped his arms around me all the same...I kissed the side of his neck as I heard him swallow above me.

"I am here, Bella...I will take care of you" Edward said as more of my tears fell onto his shirt..Edward rocked us slightly from side to side bringing one arm away from my body and running his fingers through my hair...I sighed contently...Now...Now I was finally home.

I didn't know how long I had spent in Edward's arms...I didn't care because the one person I cared about the most in my world was here...He came to see me and that meant more to me than whether he realised my mum had actually passed away on this day or not. Edward pulled me away after a second and held my face in his hands once more.

"Luckily I came prepared...I brought these for your mum" He leant down by his feet and brought up a large bouquet of white roses...I smiled at the full and pure blooms of the flowers.

"You want to go and put them on?" I asked him.

"Are you sure that's okay, Bella?"

"Of course" I answered him...He smiled, caressed my cheek and made his way over to mum's grave he knelt in front of it as I looked on.

I still couldn't believe that he was here...I would have to get used to it now I suppose...I burrowed my eyebrows as I saw Edward speaking to mum but I couldn't hear what he was saying...I made a choice not to pick up or ask him about that as it was clearly something that would have to be between him and my mum only...He came back hunching his shoulders as the wind blew once again...I stood up fully kissed him passionately again once he reached me...He responded and pulled the ends of his coat out from underneath me to place his coat around me..The warmness hitting my body..I put my arms around his waist feeling the muscular skin underneath and continued to enjoy the feeling of his kisses...I could spend my whole life kissing Edward and it would never be enough.

"I love you" I pulled away from his lips to say.

"Shall I take you home?" Edward whispered.

I nodded kissing his jaw once before turning my body to walk out of the graveyard...Edward had released the coat from around me and had tightly wrapped his hand in mine.

I spent the journey home on Edward's lap...It was strange how I had never seen him in a cab before...Edward trailed his finger around my face as I leant one side of my head on one side of his...Taking him all in as much as I could.

Edward carried me up to the house...I reached slowly for my keys in my pocket..I had never felt so tired and my body felt like a huge weight wanting to pull me down into the ground...I held the keys out limply half-awake and Edward took them and opened the door supporting me with one arm..He was so gentle and I could feel the buckle that his muscles made because he was keeping me upright.

"Edward...I can walk" I slurred.

"Don't be silly, Bella...Just sleep I am here now" he replied in a whisper.

That was the last thing I heard until I fell under in a much needed sleep.

Edward was here.

That was all that mattered now.

**Aww Edward the little hero...I deliberately didn't do his POV because I wanted to surprise people :D.**

**ANOTHER emotional chapter for me...Hopefully I won't have another one for a while...!!**

**Love to all my readers...**

**Keep reviewing to keep me motivated...Your thoughts mean SO much...AS always!**

**Songs in this chapter were: 'World on fire – Trading yesterday**

**You and me – Lifehouse**

**Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush'.**

**Love **

**.S.**

**X x**


	30. Baby steps

**Hey hey!!**

**I KNOW last chapter was shorter than usual but I am back on track with it...Bloody Bella keeps moving around and I can't keep track of her :D.**

**Thank you to my usual AMAZING reviewers...You guys all keep me going!!**

***jaclynheartz, Raven Jadewolfe, EllaJ 18, Sylvia Cullen, Katie Lou Lou x, hmwhitlock2000, laceycrazy08 and Cullengirl08....LOTZ OV LUV x***

**Okay this chapter is a mix of Edward and Bella's POV because they should have a good amount of time to themselves before Alice and her HUGE belly get hold of Bella...There will be SOME actions of an adult nature because my reviewers have been amazing and they deserve to have a little peek as to what may be coming later (excuse the pun) ****!**

**Songs for this chapter are: Carolina in my mind – James Taylor**

**Entwined – Jason Reeves**

**Breathe slow – Alesha Dixon**

**That's it from me....Enjoy!**

*~Edward~*

As I cradled Bella's sleeping body in my arms I couldn't stop thinking about how much I had missed her these last two months...School had been the hardest days I had EVER had to endure and home was not much better...Alice had been getting bigger and bigger and her mood swings had begun to show ever so slightly first to Jasper and now it has gone around the rest of us like a large gathering of dominoes just waiting to be hit. I had spoken to Bella on the phone at the start of the year around January but then by February she had cut offal communication with us...I tried to call her so many times along with all the members of my family and we had always got her messaging service...I panicked after she hadn't called for so many weeks and I only spoke to mom about what I was planning to do..If I told dad then he would just try and stop me or say that I should wait for Bella back at home but it was impossible...I needed her, I still need her every day she is almost like what tobacco is to a smoker...My own personal drug and endorphin..She was my life and I couldn't live without her – I never believed that I could feel so strongly about another person before but I was now being proved wrong.

Bella muttered under my arms before I bent down to see that her eyes were fluttering open...Her chocolate mazes sticking on mine...She smiled and sighed contently when she registered I was still here..I kissed her lips once gently and pulled one of my hands away from her chest to grab on to one of hers and hold it to my chest.

"How long have I been asleep?" Bella muttered quietly...I glanced over at the clock by her bed and turned back to face her.

"About twelve hours" I answered.

"What?" Bella shot up quickly...I tugged her back down with our entwined hands and kissed her forehead..She was so cute when she worried.

"It's okay my love...You needed it...Are you feeling any better?" I soothed...Bella took a large breath and relaxed her body sinking her head into my chest.

"Yes" she answered as she kissed my neck....The things this girl could do to both my body and my mind never ceased to amaze me...I could feel my desire for her creeping upon me as I tried to take away my concentration of her lips on my body and think about something else...._Emmett in Women's clothing...Emmett in a dress...._Perfect!

I lifted up our hands and rested the back of Bella's hand on my own...I studied her palm...They were red and the skin covering the majority of it dry and crackly...I sighed in disagreement.

"How could you have got through this, Bella....Look at your hands" I exclaimed kissing the centre of her palm.

"I had to do what I had to do, Edward...I refuse to live in a mess and so I wanted to make the house presentable"

Jesus...So bloody selfless was my Bella...Never caring about how she was destroying herself in the process..I felt so bad that I hadn't come here sooner but I couldn't get the time off of school now the principal knew everything about me which I would soon find out would be a good or a bad thing.

"Why did you come here Edward...I am not complaining I just need to know" I completely forgot to tell her about my surprise visit...How could I have left that out?

"I didn't know when it...You know would happen, Bella...I panicked when we all couldn't get hold of you..I thought there was something wrong"

"I didn't want you to bother your own lives because of me" Bella replied...I hugged her tightly

"Don't ever let me hear you say that you are a bother, Bella...You could never be a bother to ANY of us"

"I am sure I could"

"Bella...I love you more than words can say..I would go to the ends of the earth for you if you asked me..You need to know that."

"I was talking to the priest in the local church...I met him when I was growing up...We kind of got talking about..." Bella trailed off into silence.

"What did you talk about, sweetheart?"

"Um...I didn't mean to talk to him about it...It kind of slipped out" I stroked her hair taking my arm from her shoulder..She was still cowered in my neck her breath falling on my neck as she spoke. "The physical side of a relationship" Bella finished...I froze...I had thought about loving Bella fully but I always snapped myself out of them because I wanted to wait for her.

"So...You spoke to him about us making love to each other?" I needed to pick the right word..I never wanted to just have sex with Bella...I wanted to worship her because god knows she deserved it..She deserved all the love in this world and more.

"Um...Yeah" Bella replied...She sat up and hugged her arms around her knees...I could tell she was embarrassed...I didn't want her to be..I stayed where I was lying on my side so she could steady her breathing.

"There's nothing wrong with that, Bella...I would be lying if I said that I hadn't been thinking about it myself" I confessed she turned to face me.

"You have?"

"Of course...I want to do that with you Bella when you are ready...You only need to say"

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to bring it up"

I got up then...Why did she always have to be sorry for thinking about things that were natural to any human mind. I placed a hand on her shoulder "please don't be sorry for wanting it, Bella...I am not sorry for it..I want it more than anything"

"But...You're my brother"

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"It's not a bother...I just don't want people to think it's sick or abnormal"

"Well...You have your opinions about it...I understand what you mean though, Bella"

"I didn't mean that how it sounded, Edward....I just can't explain it" He put her head on her arms...This was going to be a constant issue with us and I knew that already...Mom had been ecstatic when I told her about how I felt about Bella...It never crossed her mind but when I would think on my own about how Bella had come into my life it would cross my own.

"Bella...Do you mind if I show you something?" I asked her with caution..She lifted her head and nodded. "I need you to relax; okay...Can you do that?"

"Yes" she answered meekly...I took both her hands away from her knees and pushed lightly down on them...she loosened all tension and her knees landed flat on the bed.

"Lie down, Bella" I said softly as she rested her head on the pillow taking a deep shaky breath as she did so. "Do you trust me?" I asked as I studied her stunning figure under me.

"With all my heart" she answered and I smiled...I hovered above her putting my weight on her knees and put both my hands on the hem of her top and pulled it upward slowly to reveal her perfectly proportioned chest and abdomen as I did so...She lifted her arms which I wasn't expecting her to do and I took the top completely off of her. Bella bit her lip as I took in her torso. I kissed her with as much love as I could to try and make her relax..She moaned in my mouth and I took that as an indication that she was okay with this. I then disconnected our mouths as she closed her eyes.

"Open your eyes, Bella...Please?"

*~Bella~*

"Open your eyes, Bella...Please?" Edward asked above me...So many emotions were overtaking me at that moment and I wanted to cover myself up...I shuddered making a small sound but refused to open them. I felt Edward's hand caress my cheek.

"Let me see your beautiful eyes, Bella?" He asked again soothingly...I took an silent breath and fluttered them open and he smiled kissing me again...God he was so amazing with me..So patient I couldn't love him anymore than I did right now. One of Edwards hands landed on one of my covered breasts and I squirmed a little under his touch feeling the heat his fingertips left on my skin and the Goosebumps they left behind.

"Edward...Please?" I didn't know what I was asking him to do...I wanted him to make love to me all of a sudden and I didn't know how to stop it...Edward was silent as he left my lips and kissed down my neck..I tilted my head back moaning in pleasure and allowing him more access..I felt him smile against my skin as he heard what he was doing to me...He then attacked my chest starting with my collarbone and then to my bra kissing the fabric...

"Take it off of me" I choked out through my moans...He looked up at me with a weary expression..I nodded slowly at him to say that it was okay and one of his hands went around to my back..I lifted myself up a little to make it easier...I heard a click as my bra fell from my back the front now barely touching my body anymore...His hand came back round and grasped one of the straps on my shoulders.

"Does this feel wrong, Bella?" He asked his voice husky...I shook my head...How on earth could I have said that this would feel sick and wrong...Sometimes I said completely the wrong things. I felt the bra strap fall to my forearm as Edward kissed the bare skin the strap left behind before taking the bottom of the bra and taking the rest of it down my arms...I put my arms out although I was having a hard time keeping myself steady. The cool air hit my now half-naked body although it had gone by the time Edward had put his hands on both of my breasts kneading them slowly..I dropped my head back into the pillow looking up having to close my eyes.

"You are so incredibly beautiful, Bella...The most beautiful thing in my world and nothing will ever change that" Edward stated moving his lips to where his hands had been..I wound my hands in his hair needing more of him...Jeez..I DID need this...I did want him more than I ever thought I could.

"I love you" I said...His lips trailed back up to my lips as I opened my mouth to him...My breath was probably awful but how could I care when I had him in my arms? I lifted myself up to sitting never disconnecting our mouths.

"I don't want you to think that this isn't normal, my Bella...GOD I want you so much and I always will" Edward said through his increased panting against my mouth...Without asking him if it was alright to do so...I began to unbutton his shirt continuing to devour his mouth...His moans vibrated against my lips and I found myself smiling...I felt powerful that I could do this to him just as he could to me...I reached the last button and tugged his shirt off of his shoulders quickly as I moved my mouth to his neck...The same way that he had done with me.

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed "Bella...You don't have to do this" he said...However his body was telling me differently I continued my trail down his amazingly toned chest using the tips of my fingers to follow in pursuit after me...Edward's stomach quivered as I reached it kissing the hard muscles underneath and circling my finger around his belly button...I could feel his desire on my stomach and it scared me...I didn't want to do this now...Not so long after my mum had died..She wasn't even cold yet..I kissed his lips again and wrapped my arms around him...He embraced me back and we both were desperately trying to control our breathing in the silence of my old bedroom.

"When you're ready Bella...We will" he stated...I was fortunate to have someone who wanted to wait..I had always thought that you needed to rush into these things because the sooner you got rid of your virginity the cooler you will be as a person...Bullshit or what?

"Would you like some breakfast"? Edward asked as he let his arms go but one of his fingers went to my jaw pulling my head up to look at him...Our bare chests joint skin by skin.

"We don't have anything here" I replied

"I am sure I can whip up something...Besides I did pass a local shop on the way here"

"It must be weird being in a country like this" I said with a smile.

"No...It's all a learning curve and I needed to be with you..I wouldn't care if we were in Fiji right now"

"Where's that?"

"A LONG way away." he answered and I giggled...He released my jaw and rubbed both his hands up and down my arms lovingly.

"I never thanked you for coming here, Edward"

"You don't have to thank me, Bella"

"No..I do...You mean so much so to me and...The moment when I needed you here...You show up...You're like my own personal prince charming" I said as he chuckled.

"I am no prince charming my love no one is...You are mine though and what's a plane ride over how many thousand miles when I get to be here with you like this"

"I just wish that my mum could've met you properly and got to know you more" I confessed...Edward kissed my forehead...If I haven't said it before then that was my favourite place so far on my body to get Edward's kisses...my neck was a close second.

"I wish I could've known her too, Bella" he replied. "I shall go and see what I can get for us to eat and you can make yourself EVEN more beautiful" he kissed my nose and got up off the bed...I moaned inwardly and the fact that we weren't physically together anymore but watched him get dressed instead..He put his shirt back on and I grabbed mine from the bed too...Not bothering about putting my bra back on.

"Do you need anything else sweetheart?" Edward asked me and I shook my head smiling...He then walked out of the room...I sighed and sat still for a moment allowing what had just happened to fully sink in to my system.

I took my towels off of the radiator enjoying the warmth they showered on my fingers and walked into the bathroom...I turned the water on in the shower and as I waited for it to warm up I looked in the mirror at my reflection.

My lips were slightly swollen and a deep colour of red and contrasted with the blackness that was still noticeable under my eyes...However I had rosy cheeks or the first time since I had been here and I knew that was all down to Edward.

I discarded my clothes and climbed into the shower...I was suddenly hit with thoughts of my mother's last time with me...How upset she had been about her role as my mother it hit me like a thunderbolt and I couldn't control the tears that had began to fall along with the shower water...I sobbed, the sound echoing off the shower walls. I was happy with Edward but I still missed my mum. How is it possible that you can be happy one moment and then sad the next? Was this grieving or was this my own issue?

I reached for the shampoo and poured some into my palm...I did not know how long this shampoo had been in here but I did miss my usual strawberry shower things I had at the Cullens which had been the only things I had forgotten....Mine and Edward's packing job had been very emotional and it didn't surprise me when I found out that my shower things were missing. I lathered myself up with the shower gel as well as adding conditioner to my hair before reaching for my towel and wrapping it around myself...I didn't care about shaving I would wait until I got home to do that...I wiped my eyes and bent over to lift my clothes up and carried them in my hand with the other holding the towel up and sat on my bed in my bedroom...I didn't own a hairdryer here and I never thought I needed one when I was packing so I intentionally left that one behind however I reckon Alice would have a heart attack next time she saw me.

I put on another set of clothes and packed the rest in my bag..As well as the other little things I kept out in the room...I towel dried my hair through so that it didn't drip on my back...I stood up once I was done and took the clothes from last night and went downstairs to throw them into the washing machine...Putting it on a 'freshen up' programme so that I wouldn't have to wait an hour for them to finish.

I walked carefully to the kitchen...My home had wooden flooring and of course as silly as I was I didn't think about wearing socks or shoes this morning...The smell circling the living room from the kitchen made my mouth water..I turned and walked through the door to see Edward standing there with his back to me the pan sizzling on the hob as he was scooping it around with a spatula.

He turned to face me...His face was slightly clammy and his cheeks ever so slightly rosy from the heat of the hob...I smiled at him and crossed my arms.

"So Gordon..What is on the menu?" I asked in a teasing way.

"Who the hell is Gordon?"

I laughed a little "He's a chef...It's an English thing" I remember my mum watching this man called Gordon Ramsey a little and it seemed fitting at this moment to tease Edward about it.

"Oh fair enough" he replied.

"So is there anything you need me to do?" I asked

"You can do one thing" Edward replied.

"Yes?"

"You can sit down and stay there" he replied with a cheeky smirk...I narrowed my eyes at him but sat on the chair all the same.

Edward picked up the contents of the pan and put them on a plate and put it in front of me...He looked exactly like Esme when he was cooking...It was funny how both Edward and Emmett were not linked to Esme and Carlisle biologically but they had traits about them that were similar..I am sure it was because they had both picked up what their adoptive parents did over the years. I looked down at the plate and then back up at Edward who was pouring some juice into a glass from a brand new carton in the fridge.

"What exactly are these"? I asked Edward who put the glass down in front of me.

"They're eggs, Bella...An Omelette to be exact" he answered and I picked up my fork and tasted a bit off of the corner...I smiled at the taste.

"I take it you have never had eggs, before then?" he asked me with a chuckle as he washed up the pan in the sink his back to me...How did he know what I was thinking...This boy owned my life.

"I have had them...I just haven't had them in a while" I answered chewing the food.

"Oh well that's alright then"

"It's really good, Edward" I said and he turned around.

"Thank you" he said making a small bow...I shook my head through my silent laughter. "What?" he added.

"You're hopeless" I teased.

"But you love me, right?"

"Of course"

"Then that's all that matters" He put the pan away and sat down in front of me.

"You're not going to eat?"

"Not really hungry besides you are the one who needs to eat"

"If you make one comment about my weight I will kill you"

"I will leave that to dad" Edward replied and I cringed...Carlisle was going to pick up on the fact that I had barely eaten anything why hadn't I thought of that before?

"So...Would you like to go back home today?" Edward asked after a moment...I put the knife and fork on the plate and picked up the glass drinking down the rest of the juice.

"Yes.." I said when I had swallowed it all "Oh wait..what about-" I began

"All sorted" Edward said reaching to his pocket and pulling out an envelope..I eyed him suspiciously as I released the now empty glass and opened the envelope...There were two aeroplane tickets inside back to Washington.

"Will ANY of you let me pay for anything?" I whined.

"Don't moan, Bella...Besides all of us want to have a little something when you start that job"

"Fat chance" I teased

"Oh that's the thanks we get is it?" Edward teased back.

"Yes" I answered and he chuckled.

"We will have to change that" I rolled my eyes at him and put my glass on top of the plate and made my way over to the sink...Edward grabbed my thigh before I got there causing me to stumble.

"You cooked for me...The least you can let me do is wash up my plate and glass" I said and he stood up releasing my leg.

"You have been working too hard...Give me those" he demanded and I surrendered and handed them to him.

"So what am I supposed to do today...Sit around and watch you wait on me?"

"Something like that" Edward replied as he picked up the hand towel and dried the plate and glass before putting them away in their original spots in the kitchen.

"Edward...I need to DO something" I demanded...He closed the gap between us and grabbed my hips..I flinched a little as he leant his head in.

"Please...Bella?" He whispered in my ear I sighed...How can I say no to him? He must have seen how tired I was.

"Okay" I replied as he kissed my ear...He gestured towards the living room sofas and I trudged annoyed over to them and sat down...I couldn't remember the last time I sat down on these...

It felt strange.

*~Edward~*

No chance in hell was I going to let Bella lift another finger whilst we were still here...She looked more than exhausted even after her long sleep and I felt incredibly bad for letting that happen. I shot her a smile as I walked past the sofa...I heard the washing machine beep from one of the hallways...I went to the room opening the machine door and finding Bella's clothes from yesterday in there...I took them out and put them in the dryer before walking up the stairs and back to her room.

I couldn't help my thoughts flying to the incident this morning as I glanced at her unmade bed...I had always thought that Bella was pretty when I first met her but now seeing her let me prove a point to her this morning she couldn't have been more stunning in my eyes.

I wanted to plunge Mike Newton into the ground for not seeing what was in front of him properly...How had she not been with any other guy is beyond me...Maybe the people of my generation in England were blind...Or could only see the girls that were born to be plastic. I snapped myself out of my trance as I was about to create the image of Bella's gorgeous body again in my head and stripped the sheets off the bed...I wouldn't have to make it afterwards as there wasn't going to be anyone else...I piled the sheets on the floor before going to the wardrobe.

There were old pictures of Bella and her mum taped to the doors...Bella had been beautiful even as a child...Her and her mother looked happy...I took the photos down gently wanting her to keep them for memories sake...Just because her mum had unfortunately passed away doesn't mean that she had to be gone altogether in Bella's life...I carefully opened a side zipper on her bag and put the photos in keeping my fingers off of the centre of the pictures so as not to make smudges on them.

The wardrobe was empty and I assumed that Bella must have already packed her clothing in the bag..._Always one step ahead of me. _

I abandoned the bed sheets for a moment and walked into her bathroom....Good god it was tiny there was barely room for the toilet and the shower in there...There wasn't a bath either. I was starting to think that I had been lucky in my own house growing up..I couldn't imagine living in a place this small for more than a day...I looked at the shower and discarded the idea of having a shower until I got home...I was definitely no better than Bella and I didn't want her to think that she was any lower than us because of the way she had once lived but I wasn't used to this and Bella was the one who would have to pay the upkeep of the house including the hot water...She must have been as there was no one here to help her. I took the hand towel and another white towel off of the rack and piled them with the sheets when I got to Bella's room again...I picked them all up and turned to walk out when I noticed another towel half-hidden under the bed...I leant down and successfully picked it up without dropping anything else and carefully made my way back down the stairs.

I peered over the pile to see Bella still sitting on the sofa...Her eyes were closed...Jesus was she tired!

I put the rest of the washing in the machine and put it on a hot cycle...Luckily the timer said that it would only take around forty minutes so I had enough time to get everything sorted so that me and Bella could make a quick exit for the airport. I went back up to her room on tiptoe and grabbed her bag quickly checking the room to see that I hadn't left anything...There was nothing...I closed the door and stopped myself when I saw Renee's old room to my left...I kept the bag in the hallway before walking in...I didn't think that Bella would like me going in here but I needed to see if there was anything that needed to be cleaned or washed.

The room was empty..Even the bed had been stripped and left which Bella must have done before the funeral...I closed the door again and grabbed the bag carrying it down the stairs...I took the time before sitting with Bella to turn off all the lights and the fuse switches..Bella would need to sort everything out when the will came through but I hoped that my dad would lend her a helping hand with that because I had no idea about how to do any of this....I would help her if I could, though.

I walked over to Bella and knelt down in front of her wiping a strand of hair from her face.

*~Bella~*

"Bella..Baby?" Edward whispered..I opened my eyes quickly..I hadn't been asleep I had allowed my heavy eyes to close because the silence in the house had been peaceful.

"I am awake" I said fixating my eyes on his.

"I know...Listen I have done everything and the house is clean...We just need to wait on the washing and then we can get going" He soothed

"Oh how much longer do we have?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"I was just about to check" he said and I smiled...I liked being waited on although I wasn't prepared to make it a habit.

Edward walked off into the wash room as I heard him fumbling around...he came back with my clothes from last night in his arms...He bent down to the floor as I followed him and saw that he had brought my bag down from upstairs...He was so good..How did I get so lucky?

He stood back up and knelt in front of me again.

"Twenty minutes" he said with a smile...I grabbed his face in my hands and pulled him closer to me as I kissed him passionately allowing my tongue to seek his and take complete hold when they were connected. He moaned deeply and I pulled him further to me..He stood up and bent down to take hold of my hips he lifted me still with his mouth on mine and placed me into his lap...My legs and feet hanging off the edge of the sofa.

I explored his mouth further moving my hands to stroke his neck and his collarbone he wound his fingers in my hair...I didn't want this moment to end.

It wasn't long before I was desperately needing oxygen...I disconnected mine and Edward's now rosy red lips and leant my head forward to whisper in his ear.

"How did I get so lucky having you Edward?" I whispered and he moaned again shivering a little as my breath hit his ear.

"I am the lucky one, Bella" he choked out and I smiled kissing his cheek and pulling our faces back to stare into one another's eyes again.

"You know...We have never had a first date, yet" Edward said and my stomach tightened...I had never been on a date with a guy before...I didn't know how one person should behave on those kinds of situations.

"I am not...Dating material, Edward" I replied looking down at my legs.

"Don't be ridiculous Bella...What if I WANTED to take you on one"? he asked I lifted my head back up and sighed in defeat.

"Then I would think you were mean...You know I can't say no to you" I whined

"You really shouldn't have said that" he smirked and I felt my cheeks overheat...He put his index finger on one of them "I REALLY do love your blush" he added.

We sat there holding each other for a fair amount of time before the dryer beeped...I went to get up when Edward held me down lifted me again and put me back on the seat...I put both my hands up in surrender as he smirked and did what he had to do with the rest of the things in the dryer.

He came back out again this time holding my two towels and what looked like my bed sheets.

"Do you have a place to put these in?" he asked

"There's an airing cupboard further down the hall" I added and he turned on his foot to put them away. I took the time on my own to fully look at my house for the last time...Even if I had a lot of money I would never come back and live here...I enjoyed my life in America too much for the moment and I was too young to live on my own.

Edward came back with his hands in his pockets.

"You ready to go?" he asked me and I nodded getting up off of the sofa and stretching my arms out above my head.

"Did you bring anything?" I asked him

"No...It's just your things" he answered picking up my bag.

"Is it okay if we see mum before we go?"

"Of course it is, Bella...You don't need to ask me to do that" he answered...I grabbed his hand as I reached him.

"Have you got the tickets?"

"Yes..Do you have everything you need?"

"Seeing as you packed the rest of my stuff I am going to trust you and say yes" I replied and I led him out of the front door grabbing my keys from the hook before locking it behind us.

*~Edward~*

I let Bella talk to her mum's grave alone as I sat on the bench where I had surprised her yesterday...She looked so solemn and sad as she stroked the cross and placed a kiss on it never once letting her feet touch the grass...She walked back up to me and I caressed her hand in mine..She wiped the last of her tears from her face and we then made our way back to the taxi and to the airport.

*~Bella~*

I snuggled into Edward in our seats...His touch soothing me into sleep once again..We had a long fight and I needed to be prepared to be wide awake for greeting my family once again.

(Next day)

"Bella...We're here" I heard Edward whisper in my ear...I fluttered my eyes open and saw that we were already at the airport in baggage claim and Edward was holding me in his arms...I moaned inwardly at the thought that Edward must have carried me all the way here...I had felt his muscles buckle last night after only carrying me from the taxi to my front door...Now he must have been in searing pain.

"Oh god" I exclaimed as I wriggled from his grasp...He dropped me quickly.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked me concerned his arm firmly around my back.

"You carried me all the way here...Why didn't you wake me?" I gasped looking at various other people waiting for their suitcases giving me concerned looks of their own...I shut my mouth and bit my bottom lip down...I hadn't realised or meant to be loud.

"Why would I do that, Bella?" He asked me and I rubbed my face in my hands...Of course he wouldn't have woken me...Stupid question to ask.

The wait was short when my bag came through the carousel and Edward took it and placed it on the ground..I lifted it onto my shoulder and took his hand.

My heart hit my stomach when we came out of the airport entrance...There they all were, Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie all smiling at me when they saw me and Edward walk out...Edward released his hold on me and I was about to ask him why when Rose and Emmett came running towards me and grabbing hold of me and hugging me gut-wrenching force.

"We missed you, Bella boo!" Emmett exclaimed as my bag fell from my shoulder.

"I....Can't....Breathe" I choked out as both of them released me giving me apologetic smiles as they stood back. I walked over to Alice and hugged her gently she had gotten so much bigger since I last saw her..I placed a kiss on her tummy before giving the same hug to Jasper of course I didn't have to kiss his stomach.

I then hugged Carlisle and Esme together at the same time.

"Let's go home, sweetie" Carlisle said as he took my hand and led me into his car...Alice, Jasper and Edward had all gotten in Jasper's car and Emmett and Rosalie climbed in with me and Esme got in the passenger seat...I had assumed that Edward had picked up my bag and it was now in Jasper's boot.

The car ride was silent as I rested my head in Emmett's and Rose's laps...I must have fallen asleep because I didn't wake up again until I was in my own bed back at the house. I looked over and saw that the side next to me was empty...I sighed a little hoping that I would spend another night in Edward's arms but seeing as Carlisle was the only one I had told about our relationship I figured it was the right thing to do.

It was dark outside and the house was silent...I took the opportunity to go back to sleep...The idea of getting up and having to unpack my bag wasn't appealing to me...I twisted my body so that I was on my stomach and sunk deeper into my pillows.

Oh how I had missed my bed...Now I would not leave here unless it was absolutely necessary having to live without any of my family again would be extreme torture...I finally belonged here now and I was finally a Cullen...

At least I definitely felt like it.

I thought about my mum's smile and her laugh in a flashback of my childhood as I fell deeper...

I only hoped that she would be able to see me from where she is now.

**I do NOT own Twilight....I own AML**

**I completely forgot that at the start.... Keep spreading your love for these characters with a review and I am sorry you did not get a full lemon..I didn't think that it was the right time for Bella so early after her mum had died but she got a little taster...She is a little minx really ****!**

**Love to all**

**.S.**

**X x**


	31. New Prospects

**Hello Guys!**

**This story is getting on now and there will be a bit of skipping to various different events in each of the character's lives but only because we need to get to the end otherwise I will NEVER finish it...I am working on another FanFic at the moment as well...Fingers crossed that my punctuation and descriptions improve in that one **** they have gone a bit downhill in AML and I am not ashamed to admit that.**

**Thank you once again to my avid reviewers as always the support makes me feel really good and it helps me improve as a writer because I am always trying to believe it or not :D!**

***Katie Lou Lou x, EllaJ 18, hmwhitlock2000, Sylvia Cullen, cullengirl08 and TheOtherBella100* - THANK YOU **** x x x**

**So this is going to be another skips of two weeks from the last chapter but it will start properly in the appropriate way the previous chapter ends...If that made any sense than great if not then PLEASE ignore me!**

**I do NOT own Twilight I own AML.**

*~Bella~*

(2 Weeks Later - April)

"Bella" I heard Alice sing in my ear...I stirred as her breath hit the side of my ear and slowly lifted my head from the pillow...The light from my window straining my pupils slightly. "Good morning, sleepyhead...I have some news for you"!

I twisted my body around and sat up on my bottom...Pulling my knees up to my chest to rest my arms on them...I loved Alice, really but she was a killer to the early morning ritual of gradually allowing yourself to get out of bed in your own time and pace.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked running a hand through my hair to smooth out the mess.

"You are meeting your new boss today...It's all settled you will meet her at lunchtime" she said as I shot my head back round...I wasn't nearly ready enough for an interview..I had just gotten used to being back at home again after my time away.

"Alice...No, please..I will ring her next weekend or something" I attempted to get myself out of the situation but I had a sudden feeling that it may end up falling on deaf ears..Well Alice's deaf ears to be exact.

"Nonsense...You are going and I will help you look presentable..I have nothing else to do besides stroke my stomach!" Alice replied and I whined quietly...Always playing the pregnancy card on me..She knew I could never think of a comeback after she pulls out the pregnancy card.

"Fine...If I don't get this job then I am blaming you!" I snapped at her and she smiled in her victory...Sisters eh?

I climbed quite clumsily out of bed and went into my bathroom...I wasn't in the mood to speak to Alice when she was all happy like this and I was feeling like death warmed up.

The last two weeks back at home had been...Eventful to say the most and I hadn't had a moment's peace except for when I went to sleep. Carlisle had been kindly helping me with the solicitors dates of the reading of my mum's will and I was too busy trying to get my schoolwork back on track. School wasn't easy in fact it had been a nightmare if I were to be completely honest...Mike had avoided me like the plague and Angela, Jess and Eric had only asked me whether I was okay because they hadn't seen me in a while..That was it as far as our conversations went – I hadn't told any of them about my relationship with Edward just on principle..I didn't want to get the dirty looks or the glares from people who have nothing else better to do than to make everyone's lives a misery.

Edward and I never held hands in school...I had made the decision early on when we came back from England that I didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to myself I mean I had already been away for three months for unknown reasons to others and why make things any worse? Edward as always agreed that it was a good decision so whenever we would have the house to ourselves some nights when Alice went round Jasper's and Emmett went to Rosalie's we would make up for lost time.

In case you're wondering Edward and I have never discussed the possibility of sex since we got back..It was like everything had been brushed under the carpet and I didn't know whether to feel sad or to feel good about it perhaps maybe a bit of both.

The idea of properly trusting Edward with my body scared me and I can't lie to myself and say that I wasn't...Then again I can't say that I don't want him either because hell I did much more than I should and putting a lid on my desire to go further with him was taking it's toll on me...What if he took one look at me completely naked and decided that he didn't want me anymore – The rejection would be something that I fear above everything else in my life. You would think after battling the early stages of depression and having my mum die that I'd have the ability to take on and overcome a lot in life but as usual I was struggling.

I stood under the shower water for longer this morning trying to relax the scream of my stressed muscles...I ached all over and the past two weeks had been the worst...Back in England I would feel some strain on my body when I would be down on my knees and scrubbing the floor or trailing the toothbrush through narrow cracks in the bathroom coloured green from lime scale and fungus and it was bearable...Now I was more sore than I had EVER been and that DID include the gym and sports lessons in the past at my school where if you didn't collapse on the floor at the end of the lesson you had not been working hard enough and up to the teachers standards.

I was close to falling asleep again in the shower because of the soothing water on my skin...I snapped out of it quickly and washed myself with my strawberry shower gel and soap. I groaned turning the handle off the moment I finished...the excess water swimming down the plughole...I took my brand new towel which Esme had been kind enough to give me...It was pure white and real cotton...If it were possible I would spend the whole day in that towel however I wouldn't want Edward to see me in just my towel..Fair enough he had already explored my upper torso but he still had yet to see the rest and I don't want him to tease me into showing me...I had shown my intelligence when telling him that I couldn't say no to anything he asked or wanted me to do and there was no chance in hell he was going to forget that...If EVER.

Turning the light off and opening the door...Alice was sitting on my bed one hand holding a large blusher brush and one hand holding the hairdryer..She looked like a woman who worked in a beauty salon back in England..The ones that would have bright orange faces due to the amount of makeup they put on themselves and bright white coats obeying the uniform rule....She was smiling widely at me as I mustered a good enough smile back...I was not in the best mood but it was neither a good or a bad one.

I sat down on the floor holding the towel round my chest as Alice turned on the hairdryer..I put my head back and closed my eyes allowing her to pamper me but allowing my thoughts to drift to Edward..If there was a person besides Carlisle, Esme, Emmett or Alice to cheer me up in their own way it would be him.

"I promise you will like her Bella...I have done a lot of business there" Alice said over the loud noise of the hairdryer...I hummed but my voice was drowned the minute I opened my mouth...I waited until Alice finished drying my hair so that I could speak.

"You have eaten there a lot, then?" I asked her as she browsed through my makeup bag the contents inside banging together.

"You could say that...Jazz and I had our first date there" she replied and I smiled before thinking about what I was going to say to her next...The vision of her and Jasper brought me straight back to mine and Edward's relationship...Should I speak to Alice about the status of mine and Edward's relationship? Esme had told Alice that we were together after apparently Edward had told Esme how he felt about me when I was away..It was strange how we each chose a parent to tell but it wasn't the same one.

"Alice.." I started suddenly thinking that this was a really bad idea...Rose wasn't here and Esme would never know the way me and Edward spent our time even if I were dying and on my death bed forced to tell all.

"Yes Bella?" she answered...I bit my lip.

"You did lose your virginity to Jasper..Didn't you?" I asked her wearily biting down harder on my lip.

"Ah I was wondering when we were going to have the birds and the bees talk together" Alice chimed..I heard her put the bag down on my bed she tapped my shoulder and I turned my head around slowly to look up at her avoiding anymore unnecessary pain.

"I know all about the birds and the bees, Alice...I just need to know how you felt about-" I broke off...Was it right to feel vulnerable at this point?

"Sex?" Alice finished...The heat rose to my cheeks again as Alice laughed lightly "oh Bella it's nothing to be ashamed about...I will tell you about it if you really would like to know" she finished and I took a deep breath before nodding to her.

"Yes I did lose my virginity to Jasper and it turned out to be the best decision I ever made...I was in love with him after a time being together and he loved me too and it seemed right"

"How did you know when it was right?"

"Oh you just know...Like when you start having feelings for someone and it knocks you hard...This is the same thing...Instinct I think is the best word for it"

"Is it scary?"

"Oh god, Bella...I was a nervous wreck it was not the whole experience of actually doing it that scared me but more of the fact that you have to be naked to do it...I take care of myself and I like to think that I have a reasonably good figure but Jasper's body is amazing...Not going into too many details but compared to him I had a difficult time comparing myself to him and you shouldn't do that Bella not if you're in love"

"I want to do it, Alice...I won't spend my whole life being untouched but there is a part of me that is screaming at me not to do it"

"That's nerves...The little voice inside your head are your insecurities honey..Look like I said I was an utter wreck my first time but Jasper was so incredibly patient with me and he would always do things in my own speed and he always gave me the option to tell him to stop if I needed him to of course it is kind of impossible once you start"

I flinched in embarrassment..Alice stroked one side of my hair "As much as I would like NOT to talk about my brother's sex life, Bella...I know him well enough to say that he will not pressure you into doing anything you don't want to..You should see the look on his face when he is talking about you...It's like a blind man seeing the world for the first time..Everything lights up and he loves you so much, Bella...I know that look anywhere as I had it for Jasper since the first time I met him and I still do now"

"I love him too, Alice...Please tell me that you do not think it's weird?" I pleaded...I needed Alice's honesty right now...Why did I suddenly care about what people thought? Does Edward? Is love usually this hard?

"Do I think what is weird, sweetie?"

"Edward and me...Together"

"The thought had NEVER crossed my mind, Bella...Until now because you have mentioned it...Is that why you are worrying?"

I nodded biting my lip as my tears filled my eyes...Alice moved her hand from my hair to my cheek.

"Bella I promise you...Once you go into that part of a relationship there will not be another feeling like it...You do not have to do anything you don't want to and the fact that you love Edward this much is proof that you are meant to be together..I have always known that you would end up being together in the end"

"I thought Esme told you"

"Oh no...I think I knew when Edward was talking to me once about his and Jess's relationship he was uncomfortable with her like there was a part of himself that he was holding back and then once I saw him with you...It was proof"

"Alice...Does it hurt?"

"I can't really answer that, Bella...It's different with each person...I am not going to lie to you..It hurt for me but it wasn't unbearable..Just uncomfortable for a minute or two."

"Oh"

"You just need to keep telling yourself that it is all natural, Bella and you will be absolutely fine. You can always talk to me about these things...You know that don't you?"

"Yes..Thank you, Alice" I said appreciatively..Alice kissed my cheek and took something from the bed.

"Now what would you like..Dark or light?" she held up the eyeshadow palettes in each hand..I shrugged back at her "well seeing as you will be wearing white and black then it would be best to go with dark...Brown would be best" she finished putting down one palette and opening up the one left in her hand and picking up the eye brush. I scooted forwards still holding my towel up with one hand as I let her work her beauty magic on me.

Alice had spent longer on my makeup for some reason today but I was in no situation to question why...I would look far better for meeting my new boss if Alice was in charge of how I looked..I was so sore and tired to tilt my head round...Goodness knows what I would be like with an eyeshadow brush in my hand.

I stood up wiggling my hips a little to get rid of the numbing feeling in my backside as Alice pranced over to my wardrobe. I hadn't properly looked at all of the clothes I had in my wardrobe as I had only knew of the clothes and outfits I had worn already. Alice pulled out some black trousers, a white blouse with a large collar and long sleeves and a small v-neck jumper which was also black..I took them from her as she started fiddling through the drawers which held my underwear.

"Alice...Surely I can pick out my underwear..It's not like anyone is going to see it" I said..Alice turned back and smiled.

"I am sure I can trust you to do that" she added before sitting back down on my bed..She gestured towards the chest of drawers..I laid the clothes down on my bed so that I would be able to have at least one hand free...I picked out a simple black set the non-lacy kind that I preferred to wear since I had lived in the plain kind of designs in England.

I put my underwear in the bathroom over the towel rack and then came back for the clothes...I then walked back into the bathroom and closed the door finally enjoying the fact that I could let my towel go. I changed quickly and easily liking the warmth on my skin..I loved my towel but after sitting in it for so long I resented it. Once I was fully dressed I picked the towel off of the floor and hung it over the rack and walked out.

"Very nice" Alice commented as I walked out "but it is missing something" she added before walking out of my room...I stood there feeling a bit like a lemon...Alice skipped back in with a necklace in her hand "here we are!" she exclaimed as she handed it to me. The pendant was beautiful..An orange flower that sparkled in the light with a silver chain I handed it back to her as she gave me a questioning look.

"I have something better" I said walking over to my chest..I pulled out the blue velvet box that held the locket that Edward had given me for Christmas I put it around my neck with my back to Alice and spun back round...I touched the locket lightly "this way I have you all with me" I said to Alice as she smiled widely.

"I had almost forgotten about that" she said.

Alice put the necklace she had in her hand around her neck.

"I think you are all set...I will drive you seeing as I only have a week left before my tummy gets too big and besides I need to get out..Jasper won't be back until late"

"Thank you" I answered.

"So what would you like to eat...We can't have your stomach rumbling now can we?"

"I am not fussed, really" I answered..Alice took my hand and led me downstairs..I glanced once in Edward's room and found it was empty but waited until Alice and I were downstairs before asking her about it.

Alice sat me down in one of the kitchen chairs as she flitted over to the fridge...Studying the contents once she had opened the door.

"Okay...I can whip up some pancakes..I have been having cravings for them since last night or I can make you some eggs..Maybe an omelette" Alice suggested as she turned to face me.

"Pancakes would be great" I answered with a small smile.

"Good choice" Alice remarked...She grabbed a carton of eggs from the top shelf off the fridge and started to make them getting various things from different cupboards to do so.

"So...Where's Edward today?"

"He and Emmett went to school...Emmett needs help with his training"

"Does Edward play?" How bad was it that I didn't know what my boyfriend liked to do in his spare time apart from play the piano and be with me...Of course the last comment had come from his mouth and I didn't necessarily agree with it.

"No..Emmett just needs to work on his attack and his defense..God knows what that means but Edward was forced to help him..He wouldn't have gone on his own accord"

"Oh. So changing the subject a little but have you found out the gender of the baby yet?"

"Jasper knows but I have sworn him to secrecy..No one else apart from him knows but he has to agree with the gender neutral cot and other baby things we will need"

"Didn't you want to know?"

"A part of me did but then I like the idea of being surprised more" Alice had poured the mixture from her large bowl into the frying pan the sizzling sound echoing off the walls.

"Have you thought of names?"

"We decided on Daniel Oscar for a boy and Roxanne Marie for a girl"

"Hale or Cullen?"

"Oh Hale definitely...I will leave the name Cullen to Rosalie when she and Emmett have children of their own"

"You think they will get married?"

"They can't function without each other, Bella...There has never been anyone else for either of them that have come close"

"Oh I wouldn't know...I don't know them THAT well"

"You will, Bella...You have seen the most part the great thing about both Emmett and Rose is that once they are both comfortable with you what you see IS what you get"

"I can understand that. Are you scared?"

"Terrified...Not in a bad way though I mean the idea of pushing out something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is unappealing but it's the way of life and it's a choice"

"Thanks for that visual, Alice"

"Sorry I was trying to think of other words to use to make it easier on your blush" Alice smiled as she left the pan and went over to the fridge and took out a carton of apple juice "you prefer apple don't you?"

"Yes thank you" I answered her as she poured the juice into a glass...She put the glass in front of me and went back over to the pan "so where are mum and dad?"

"Dad had a meeting at work...I can't for the life of me remember what it was about as they did tell me a few nights ago...Mum went with him she did have a reason but I don't know why"

I laughed as I picked up my glass taking a sip of juice..Alice had lifted the pancakes off from the pan onto the spatula and put them on both the plates beside her...Before bringing the plates over however she went to a cupboard..One that I hadn't bothered to look in before and sprinkled something on the pancakes from a tube before putting the product away and bringing the plates over.

"Thank you" I said as the plate landed in front of me along with a knife and fork on top.

"You're welcome" Alice answered sitting down in front of me. I looked down at the pancakes and saw that there was brown spots on them..I looked up at Alice who was studying me.

"They are chocolate chips, Bella" she said with a smile and I picked up the fork.

We ate in silence as I then took it upon myself to clear up the kitchen and the hob...Once I had finished Alice was standing in the doorway.

"You ready, Bella?" she asked and I bit my lip "no need to be nervous...Trust me, Bella" she added..I walked towards her.

"Will I need anything?"

"No...Like I said everything is sorted only YOU need to turn up" Alice took her keys off of the coffee table and walked out of the door..I grabbed my coat off of the hook and followed behind.

The nerves occupying my stomach in the form of butterflies had me silent for the entire car ride with only the quiet music to comfort me...I started to twiddle with my thumbs as we got to Port Angeles..We passed the beach which is where Alice, Edward and Emmett had taken me on our first day out as well as the street of restaurants. Alice parked the car and turned to face me.

"Now would you like me to wait...Or shall I come back to get you?"

"I don't have a phone to ring you, Alice...I don't have it on me"

"You can use the phone in there if you prefer"

"Yes...Alright...I will ring you when I am finished then" I muttered undoing my seatbelt.

"Good luck darling sister...Not that you will need it..The restaurant is called Angeles and it's the third from the very end" Alice leant over to kiss me with some difficulty due to the size of the stomach and how much it took up room in her driving space. I climbed out of the car gaining a few glances from the people choosing to eat their food outside..I don't know how they did that I was cold even with my coat on..I walked past them to the end of the street...I looked at the large white neon sign saying 'Angeles' on the front and walked in thankfully there wasn't any seats where anyone could sit outside this one.

I pushed the door and walked in the heat hitting me as I walked over to the podium where a young man was standing on the phone. I waited in front as he held his finger up to me with a smile..I didn't mind the wait just because it was warm in here.

The man finished his conversation and stood tall before speaking.

"Hello beautiful..What can I do for you?" He sang...Wow he was a lot like Alice maybe she had a twin in the form of a man.

"I am here to see the boss..I am sorry I forgot the name"

"No worries sweetheart...You must be Bella Swan"

"Um...Yes that's me"

"We have heard a lot about you...Follow me darling and I will take you to the back office" He started to walk away from the podium as I followed feeling a little silly as I wasn't here to eat anything...There were only a few people in the place on their own eating..They hadn't bothered to turn to look at me...I wouldn't have noticed them anyway as I was too busy looking at the floor.

The man got to a large set of doors that swung in and out...We walked into the kitchen where the man was having friendly banter with some of the chefs behind a large countertop...I felt queasy at the smell of food that surrounded me...I gained a few wolf whistles from members of the team..I glanced down at the floor again feeling the blush from my cheeks.

We finally reached another set of doors

"Sorry that it is quite a way, Petal" The man turned to face me still walking I shook my head showing that I didn't mind.

The room we stepped into was a nice office-type...There were many frames on the walls and a few pots of plants were placed around the room in front of us was a large desk and there was a woman probably around forty five with raven black hair and modern glasses on staring at us as we walked in.

"Miss Bella Swan to see you, Elizabeth" The man stood still and gestured to me as I stood next to him the woman smiled and stood up taking the glasses off her face.

"Thank you, Shaun" she said as the man left his spot next to me and exited the same way that we had come...I found myself feeling a little better as the woman had an Irish accent...Maybe we could talk about the United Kingdom if I got the job. Elizabeth held her hand out as I walked towards her...I took it in mine.

"I am so pleased to finally meet you, duck..Have a seat" she said gesturing to the chair...I took of my coat and hung it over the back of the chair before sitting on it "I was beginning to wonder when I would get to meet you...Your sister Alice has sung your praises many times in this place..We all feel like you are practically family"

"Oh..She is my adopted sister"

"Wow...You're English!" She exclaimed.

"You're Irish" I replied with a small smile.

"I am...Born and bred however this is my life now...Well this changes things we now have more in common Miss Swan" I smiled at her remark...She sat back down on her seat and put her head in her hands.

"I am afraid my sister has a way of making people sound better than what they are...I am really not that great" I remarked putting that subject to rest immediately..I could imagine that Alice would have built up this perfect view of me that even the nicest person in the world would argue against.

"I highly doubt that, Bella...You look beautiful and of course I appreciate the effort greatly but there was something about the way that Alice described you that made me want to meet you as soon as I possibly can"

"So...Sorry if this sounds a little strange but is there anything I need to answer or fill out?"

Elizabeth chuckled a little her eyes lighting up "No..Just a conversation, Bella...Tell me about you..Anything you like"

I pulled a strand of hair behind my ear and swallowed "well...I am English...I grew up in Maidstone which is Kent...I have led an average life really nothing too special..I came here when I was fifteen and placed in Sandgrove hospital before I was adopted by Carlisle Cullen to join his family"

"Would you like a drink? Sorry I really should have offered before" Elizabeth asked.

"Sure" I replied

"What would you like...Seeing as you are a United Kingdom girl then I am guessing you would like an iced tea" I smiled at her remark.

"I can't remember the last time I had an iced tea!" I exclaimed.

"Perfect!" Elizabeth said before pushing a button on her desk "Shaun can we have two iced teas down here, please?"

"Of course coming up" The man answered..I looked at the spot she had been talking to on her desk.

"Intercom...Comes in handy" she remarked before putting her head back on her hands "so why would you be interested in working here, Bella?"

"It's really to stop my family from buying me everything" I answered honestly..Elizabeth laughed.

"I appreciate the honesty, Bella...Have you had any experience of work before?"

I shook my head "no...I'm pretty new to all of this"

"You MUST be...Being in another country and all...I remember when I first came here oh about fifteen years ago now..I was so scared that for the first two months I never left my house...I can understand how you feel, Bella"

"Thank you"

"So is there anything you would like to know about us before I assign the job to you?"

I shot my glance back up at her. "You're giving me the job?"

"Of course...It would be silly seeing as you look fantastic and you seem like you have a good head on those shoulders...You seem a little shy but not to worry we will soon have you confident in no time..Alice underestimated you Miss Swan...There is something about you"

"The fact that I am English?" I asked taking a wild guess.

"Not just that...Your manner and the way you present yourself impresses me...I am sure that you are one of these girls who don't know how great they can really be"

"I am just me" I answered

"And I APPROVE" Elizabeth said standing up from the desk and walking over to stand next to me. She held her hand out. "Come on sweetheart let me introduce you to everyone"

I stood up from the chair and was about to take my coat before Elizabeth spoke "Oh no need to worry about that, Bella we will be coming back" she grabbed my hand and led me down to the double doors and out into the kitchen area.

"Boys?" Elizabeth called as five men came around the corner and stood in front of the countertop with large smiles on their face. "Bella...I would like you to meet Mark our head chef...Darren his deputy which he prefers to be known and Jack, Liam and Jacob the assistants" I stopped as my gaze fell on Jacob...I recognised him...He was one of Edward's friends.

"Nice to see you again, Bella" Jacob said.

"You two know each other?" Elizabeth asked.

"Jacob is a good friend of my brother, Edward" I answered as Jacob shot me a smile.

"Ah Edward Cullen...I had forgotten the last time he had graced us with his presence here...You must tell him to come by again, Jacob"

"I would but he doesn't know I work here, yet" Jacob answered "I will ask him, though" he added.

"Good boy" Elizabeth said before leading me back out the double swinging doors.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Bella?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes"

"That's a shame you could turn a few heads here" she remarked and I swallowed again. Elizabeth then led me over to the large bar area. "In case you haven't noticed this is a pub and restaurant, Bella...There should be someone BEHIND it right now"

As soon as she finished a man peered up from behind the bar giving her a cheeky smile "Sorry Lizzie I was cleaning the shelves" he said standing up fully and brushing himself down.

"Bella this is Danny...The main barman we have two other women barmaids who work on shifts, Leah and Samantha however they are not in today" Elizabeth explained...Danny held out his hand to me and I took it wearily.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance miss beautiful" he threw me a mischievous smile as I bit my lip down trying to stifle my own laughter...I had a feeling I was going to like working here.

Danny put two drinks down on the bar "your iced teas" he said to Elizabeth..._Wow this man was quick at his job!_

"Thank you" she said before taking a sip and turning us both around to look at the podium head-on...Shaun looked like he was filing his nails..I bit on my mouth to stop myself from laughing again. "Of course you have already met Shaun" Elizabeth added...The minute Shaun had heard his name he had put the nail file down and skipped over to us taking my hand in his.

"Enchanter" He said as he placed a kiss on my palm...I gave him a small curtsey as he laughed "I think I am going to like this one, Liz" he remarked.

"Get in line, mister" Elizabeth remarked as Shaun narrowed his eyes in a jokingly way and walked back over to the podium. "That's all of us, Bella...Now let's go back to my office and we will go over everything that you will be doing" she turned us around and took her iced tea off of the bar I took my own glass in my free hand and followed her back down to her office again.

I had spent a good half of the day at Angeles...I had really warmed to Elizabeth after that time..She had a good sense of humour and the people that worked for her seemed to really like her...I was going to feel at home here. I glanced over at the clock above Elizabeth's head and saw that it was six already luckily I had already been allowed to call Alice and tell her not to get me until later on in the day.

Elizabeth was about to finish up the conversation when Shaun interrupted us.

"Mr Edward Cullen here to fetch Miss Swan" Shaun sang through the office...Why was Edward here when Alice had agreed to come and get me.

"THINK of the devil and he shall appear..Send him in, Shaun" Elizabeth said getting up from the seat and brushing herself down...If I didn't know any better I would say that my new boss harboured a little crush on Edward...Personally I found it rather funny but strangely sweet at the same time...I stayed where I was with my back to the doors.

"Nice to see you, again Elizabeth" I heard Edward say from behind me...My heart began to beat wildly in my chest..How can he have such an effect on me? There should be a law against it.

"Mr Cullen we have missed you!" Elizabeth whined as she walked from the chair and her desk..I then took the opportunity to turn around and see that Edward was giving Elizabeth a kiss on the cheek.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had hired my best friend?" he remarked.

"You haven't been here for me to tell you" Elizabeth shot back and he smiled

"Touché...So how is the pretty one doing?" he asked Elizabeth giving me a small wink as he did so.

"Our little waitress is doing brilliantly!" Elizabeth sang.

"I hope my girlfriend wasn't too much trouble..She has a tendency to confuse herself" Edward remarked...Damn it! I hadn't told Elizabeth that Edward was my boyfriend..Oh no what was she going to think...I bit down on my lip.

"Your...Oh, Bella...You never told me that!" Elizabeth was staring at me now...I looked down at my feet.

"I have come to pick her up...However I can wait if you are not finished" Edward said.

"Wait outside a few moments and I will bring her out to you" Elizabeth said as Edward nodded and walked away out of the doors...I instantly missed him.

"Well..You are full of surprises aren't you, Bella?" Elizabeth said

"I am sorry...I didn't think that I should tell you" I stuttered.

"No need to be sorry...You have bagged a good one, there my darling"

"Can you please keep it to yourself...I really don't want anyone knowing" I asked.

"Of course anything for my new employee...Okay I will see you on Monday morning bright and early" Elizabeth finished I stood up from the chair and put my coat back on...Elizabeth grabbed my hand and led me out of her office and the kitchen out to the front of the restaurant.

Edward was leaning against the bar finishing up a small glass of coke as he turned to smile at us when we approached him.

"She's all yours, Edward...Please promise to come and see us again soon" Elizabeth said.

"I am sure I will have more reason to come here more often now, Lizzie" he answered giving her a crooked smile..._God he did love the attention...Smug git!_

I turned my body round to Elizabeth "thank you so much for today" I said...Elizabeth bent down and wrapped her arms around me.

"Welcome to the family, Bella" she said before letting me go...I walked out of the restaurant blowing Shaun a kiss as I walked out..He grabbed it and placed it to his heart...The cold air hit me as I walked out with Edward.

Before I could say anything to him he had grabbed my hand and led me to the end of the street and away from the lights of the restaurant. We got to another pavement and Edward turned me around to face him before crushing his lips to mine..I moaned contently as I opened mine further to let him in...Edward could spend his whole life kissing me..._I have decided._

"Congratulations, baby" Edward said against my lips.

"Thank you" I said giving him a smile.

"Now I am afraid that I am going to do something you may hate me for in the beginning" he stated and I gave him a confused look...He pulled out a piece of cloth and smiled before wrapping it around my eyes.

"Edward..What are you...What's going on?" I asked slightly worried that I was now looking into darkness.

"Do you trust me?" Edward whispered in my ear causing me to flinch.

"You know I do" I answered.

"Then let's go...I won't let go of you, Bella" He whispered again as he took one of my hands and grasped it tightly and wrapped the other one around my back and I stumbled as he leant me forwards as an indication for me to start walking.

We walked for around twenty minutes before he stopped me and took the blindfold off of my eyes...I blinked frantically trying to get my vision back..I looked in front of me and saw a dinner table set for two candles on the table and in various spots next to us. The table had silver plates on them with lids on the top..A yellow Chinese lantern hung from the wooden ceiling. It was beautiful...I choked up as I started to cry.

"You missed the best part" Edward whispered in my ear as he turned us back around to where I assumed we had both come from...There was the beach...Turns out we were on the sand except the table was placed in an area of wooden decking..How could I have walked across the sand and not noticed it was sand...I must have been distracted by the darkness to take note. I looked at the sun in the night sky which had begun to set already and heard the sound of the waves hitting the shore. Edward wrapped his arms around me...A tear escaped my eye..He stroked his index finger across my cheek ridding me of it and leant his head on mine..Kissing my neck.

"Welcome to our first date" he stated...A sob broke my body as Edward tightened his grip.

"Edward...This is so beautiful...You really didn't have to do this"

"I wanted to...What's the point in having a girlfriend as beautiful as you and not having the opportunity to spoil you?"

I leant my head on his and leant my head back...Edward kissed up and down my neck the tips of his hair tickling my nose.

"I love you" I said

"I love you too sweetheart" he answered still attacking my neck.

"No-" I started and lifted my head up turning my body round to face his..I put my hands on his chest "I REALLY love you" I stated pressing my lips to his as his hands snaked around my waist.

Everything was perfect, the table, the candles, the sand, the sea and the setting sun but the most amazing part of it all was that I had the best boyfriend in the world.

"Bella as much as I would love to continue this-"he began to say against my lips "our dinner will get cold"

"You didn't spend too much did you? Please tell me you didn't?" I pleaded kissing his jaw line.

"Okay I didn't" he answered..I lifted my head up.

"Edward?" I questioned...He put his index finger on my lips.

"Just enjoy this, Bella...I am" he said finishing with a smirk...He took my hand and led us back round over to the table..I sat down as he pushed my chair in and then he sat down on his.

"So what would mademoiselle like with her dinner?"

"What do you have?" I asked not attempting to hide the smile from my face.

Edward reached down and took out two cans of Pepsi...I frowned.

"Where did you get them from?"

"My trusted cooler" he answered opening the cans and putting them in front of both of us...He lifted his can up again. "A toast I think...To your new job" he said as I picked mine up and tapped the can on his and then sipped some before putting it back down in front of me.

"So...Bon appetite" Edward said gesturing to the lid on my plate...I lifted it up to find a whole lobster sitting there with some vegetables decorated around the side..I looked up at Edward with a sigh.

"Edward!" I exclaimed.

"I know a few chefs who owe me some favours" He replied cheekily

"You said you didn't spend too much"

"I have connections...I didn't have to pay for a penny"

"What so some chefs gave you two whole lobsters free of charge?" I asked mockingly

"Yes" he answered as I rolled my eyes "just eat, Bella" he smiled.

After a few lessons about learning how to actually EAT the lobster I scoffed it down...It tasted delicious and savoury and the coldness of the cola helped in contrast. It wasn't long before both Edward and I had finished our dinners...He put the lids back on both of the plates and held his hand out to me. I took it eagerly as he led me further down the beach.

Edward stopped as we reached to where the tide line was on the sand.

"Dance with me?" he asked me...The Sea hitting our feet and soaking my shoes...But I didn't care.

"I can't dance"

"I'll teach you" he said bringing my hand up to put it on his shoulder he then took my other hand and put it in one of his before his other hand wrapped around my waist. He then led me slowly around in a circle.

"See you CAN dance!" he exclaimed...I moved my hand that was on his shoulder further around to the back of his neck and leant my chest onto his before resting my head on his shoulder...Could anything be so perfect in my misshapen life...I think not!

"Edward...Thank you" I said into his chest.

"You're always welcome my Bella" he answered leaning his head on the top of mine and kissing my forehead.

Then the rest as they say is history...The day of meeting Elizabeth and her employees had washed from my mind with the sea at my feet and all that I had was Edward...My perfect, beautiful and caring Edward...I could stay in his arms for the rest of my living days...He WAS my world and I was his...Two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and two halves of one stone...Complete souls.

And good GOD did I love him with every part of my being.

**Okay I WANT a date with Edward....LUCKY BELLA!**

**Tell me what you think please, guys...I officially LOVE Elizabeth and I based her on someone I love dearly in my own life and yes I have added my name for a character if you notice..Someone has to, right? **

**Lots of love for the continued support**

**Love**

**.S.**

**X x **


	32. Learning

**Hello All!**

**LAST CHAPTER.....LAST CHAPTER?! Like hell is it NOT the last chapter!**

**I wouldn't leave you guys like that...That would be MORE than cruel...The story is coming to an end soon but we have some chapters left to go yet...I will then be starting on my new fanfic but ONLY when AML is finished...This story is overtaking my life too much to have a SECOND story to work on.**

**Thank you once again to my scrumptious reviewers...' hmwhitlock2000, Cullengirl08, TwilightFreak13, Raven Jadewolfe, EllaJ 18, Katie Lou Lou and DodgerMcLure' – Thank You x **

**I do NOT own Twilight....I own AML. x**

**On with Chapter 31...There IS sexual content in this chapter (Again not the one you are looking for but I PROMISE I will get there)**

**You have been warned!!**

***~Bella~***

Since my interview with Elizabeth went so well yesterday I have eagerly been anticipating my new job...It's a shame that I couldn't start earlier like today but then again I had the whole weekend free before my schedule in life could be interrupted with work shifts...I woke up this morning reeling from last night and Edward and mine's first date had been forever stuck in my head...Even in my dreams I had relived it in every detail...I think I may grow to like surprises especially when it was Edward who was involved in them somehow.

I had just finished writing in my diary...The date made for a good entry and I also took it upon myself to write about my feelings for Edward and where I thought my new relationship would go...I desperately wanted to be with him for as long as possible..He made me feel good about myself and I never imagined that one person could make you feel the way Edward makes me feel. If a person could feel perfect then I would use that word to describe me. I also entered my SHORT relationship with Mike which in my head still seemed a bit unfair on him but I would also feel awful if I had to put him through what I was going through.

I closed my diary and put it back in my bedside drawer...I started to wonder what I could do today to pass the time...Alice and Emmett were out and I didn't know whether Edward was in or not..I had wanted him to be with me last night however I do not think it would be right with my family around...Whether they knew or not.

Before I could even comprehend was I was doing or what I was about to do I walked out of my room and made my way up to Esme and Carlisle's room...I know that Carlisle was at work and it dawned on me that I hadn't asked Esme how the meeting went at Carlisle's work last night...It was as good an excuse as any to drop in on her.

I opened the door to their room and saw Esme sitting on the bed reaching into a large cardboard box that was placed in front of her...She smiled as she saw me in the doorway.

"Good morning sweetheart" Esme acknowledged.

"Esme...Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, Bella...There is no need to ask me that..Come and sit down" she said grabbing the box with both hands and putting it on the floor and sitting back up when she had finished..I sat myself down on the empty spot.

"What were you doing? I wasn't interrupting anything important was I?"

"Oh no...Just looking through old scrapbooks...I like to do that sometimes when I am on my own...Re live the memories as it were" she answered...I breathed a silent sigh of relief..Even if I had been intruding on something important Esme would never tell me..She enjoyed the company and I never blamed her for that..Being in the house day after day must have taken it's toll on her long ago.

"I don't quite know how to word this..-" I began clasping both my hands together and twiddling my thumbs.

"Okay...You take your time, Bella" Esme answered and I took a deep breath.

"What exactly do you know about Edward and I?" I asked her wearily biting my lip in anticipation for her answer..._Please don't be mad at me...I don't think I could bear it._

"Edward told me that he was in love with you when you were back in England...I assumed that it was one-sided but I decided to wait before one of you..Or even BOTH of you to tell me how it really was later on" she answered soothingly...Trust Esme to attempt to make this awkward situation better for me.

"He was telling the truth...I told Carlisle before I went how I felt about Edward"

"I see...So are things official now?"

"In a way...I mean, yes they are...I am just worried that it makes the family a bit unstructured"

"I don't see how it would...That's great news, Bella"

"You're not angry?"

"Why in god's name would I be angry...See sweetheart the thing with Edward..We have always had an ongoing problem of his confusion about growing up...He never took it too well and his reaction was to lash out or do the wrong things and land himself into more trouble. I did notice the change in him around Christmas, Bella and I am not going to lie to you...I thought it was Jessica at first but then when he told me he was in love with you..It all seemed to fit"

"I don't want Edward to be confused...He is SO good...He is amazing with me and I have no words to describe how I feel when I am around him"

"I saw the way he looked at you, Bella...Even when you first came here there was something else there..Something that Edward never seemed to possess with Emmett and Alice...I let it go because I like to see things span out. You have changed him, Bella"

"I haven't done anything...Really I believe that Edward has always been like this he just needed the right situation in his life to bring it out in him."

"You obviously don't see yourself very clearly"

"How do you mean?"

"Oh come on, Bella...You're incredibly intelligent for one so young, you are absolutely beautiful in every way that a person can be and you're just a generally good person, Bella...Kind and honest the best traits in any kind of person"

I choked slightly feeling the impact on my abdomen..."Esme, I'm not all those things"

"It seems Edward thinks you are and we all see it too...You just need to see it in yourself"

"I don't understand how everyone can be so calm about all of this"

"Why wouldn't we? It doesn't put us out and in any case it makes an even number of couples"

I laughed lightly at Esme's remark...I could feel myself about to cry..I moved my body so that I could lay down on my side still facing the same way towards where Esme was. I sighed.

"I love him, mum...You'll never know how much...Everything just seems to be happening so fast and I seem to lack the ability to control it...The emotions overwhelm me and it's scary"

"Why is it scary, Bella?"

"I don't know....I can determine whether it's my own insecurities that make me feel like this or whether it is just Edward but he makes me feel so...Perfect...Like I was made for him and him for me it sounds so corny like a line from a cheesy film but I cannot put it any other way" Silent tears fell down my cheeks as I buried my head into the duvet.

"Come here, Bella" Esme said..I looked up at her as she dragged her body backward to lean against her pillows..She gestured towards her lap..I slithered my way up to her lap still on my stomach and turned my body round so that I had my gaze up on the ceiling...Esme took my hair out from underneath my body and sprawled it around my head swirling her fingers around the ends..I closed my eyes letting the tears fall down my face so I could see more clearly.

"You have nothing to be insecure or self-conscious about...Nothing at all...I have been blessed in so many ways having you as a daughter, Bella...I am not just saying that because I am your adopted mother I am saying it because I mean it"

I did believe Esme...She spoke with meaning in everything that she said...However I do not think that I am all that great and everything that she describes...I just wish I could take her words and use them to convince myself I am who she describes every day.

Esme reached down onto the floor with me still in her lap...I tilted my head sideways and watched her bring an album up in her hand...I sat up as she placed the album down next to her and pulled me further into her lap by my shoulders...I backed my body up all the way...so that my back was against her chest she picked the album back up and put it front of us.

Esme turned the first page which simply stated:

Edward Cullen (born Masen) adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen.

Edward was so beautiful as a child...He had a smile that melted me anyway as he is my boyfriend now but as a child he must have really been loved by people...I cannot stress the fact that Edward now he is older has MUCH better dress sense but then again I used to take the occasional glances at my own childhood photographs and gagged at the clothes my mum put me in.

"As you can see here, Edward was a bright and fun-loving child...Everyone wanted to play with him and he was always making friends...That's him and his best friend Jacob in the summer one year..They are still best friends now" Esme explained...I glanced at Jacob in the picture with his arm around Edward..He hadn't changed at all.

"So then we got to this particular time of the year and we meet-"Esme stated.

I looked at the photo and saw a young girl kissing Edward on the cheek as he smiled at the camera..I knew who that was and I didn't need to be told.

"Jessica Stanley" I stated..It wasn't a question.

"If you can believe in love at this age then I will say that she was his first love, Bella"

My stomach ached suddenly at the thought that I wasn't Edward's first love as he was mine.

"I never thought I would see that look on his face again, Bella...However-"Esme trailed off putting the album back down in the direction of the floor..I am guessing to put it back in the cardboard box. Esme looked at my face from the side putting her hands around my waist "I see that look once again, Bella...With you...You bring it out in him" she finished.

"Esme-" I began

"You have brought my son back to life, Bella...It would be incredibly wrong of us to say that we wanted to give up on him...But there was nothing we could have done...Then you come along. I am not saying that my son is perfect, Bella...I have more experience of him showing his flaws than being squeaky clean but he told me countless times that he wanted to be a good brother to you...There was a determination something that I haven't seen in him since he was a child. He wanted to be good for you...To make a good impression"

"He told you that?"

"Whenever he did you wrong Bella he cried...He cried for his misdoings but also his confusion about life...He adores you now, Bella....I cannot stress enough how amazing it is that you have found each other"

"Do you really think that I am good enough for him...That we are good enough for each other?"

"Do not let that photograph of Edward and Jessica get you down, Bella....Jessica was his past but now YOU are his present and you have to take every moment as it comes"

"Even if it meant doing something that you never thought you would but deep down inside you wanted?"

"Exactly that...Living life and relationships to the full...If you do not live completely then how are you going to enjoy it?"

"I wouldn't"

"So...You do not have to worry about anything, Bella...You believe me don't you?"

I leaned my head into hers and smiled "Yes...Strangely enough I do"

"Good" she answered kissing my cheek "I heard about the job by the way"

"How did you find out about that?"

"Alice"

"I need to stop telling her things"

"Bella she is ecstatic for you...We all are. So do you want to tell me a little bit about it?"

"I don't know much about it all I know is that everyone who works there is really nice...Jacob. Edward's best friend works there too"

"Oh you have met him already?! It's a shame he and Edward do not hang out as much as they used to...He is a nice young man"

"He seems nice...They all do"

"That's all that is important..A job is never worth doing if you do not have a good support system within the rest of your employees. Alice always praises that place"

"I can see why"

"So when do you start?"

"Monday"

"Are you nervous?"

"A little...I am sure I will be okay though"

Esme hugged me tighter and rocked me slowly from side to side "that's the attitude, Bella"

"I have never worked before, though"

"Just be yourself, Bella...You work hard and you are a good person...You won't have a problem"

"Thank you"

"You're always welcome, sweetheart"

"So did you need a hand with anything...Before I go and lay down for an hour or two"

"No of course not, Bella...You go ahead"

Esme kissed my cheek again as I climbed off of her lap...I walked over to the door but stopped.

"Do you have any recent pictures of Edward?"

Esme smiled and reached further into the bottom of the box and pulled out a single photograph and held it out to me I walked over and took it from her but kept it hidden...I needed to see it alone so that I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of Esme with my reaction.

I walked out of the room and went back down to my room closing the door behind me...I leant against it and flipped the picture round in my hands.

_My boyfriend is beautiful...My boyfriend is gorgeous...I LOVE my boyfriend!!_

I gaped at the photograph my mouth hanging open...The photo had been professionally done and Edward was silhouetted in black and white...He was leaning against a wall of some sort but his gaze was not on the camera it was something near to the left of the lens...He wasn't posing like models did in magazines..He was in a relaxed stance with both his hands in his pockets and his head cowered slightly as he beamed widely his perfect teeth on show to the camera.

I still couldn't believe that this guy was mine...ALL mine and I would fight for him to the death if any other girl got in the way of our time together...I opened up my bedside drawer and kissed the picture before putting it in there gently before closing it again. I was still tired however when I glanced over at my bed the idea wasn't tempting anymore..I stepped out of my room and closed the door behind me without another thought in my head.

I flew into Edward's room closing the door behind me to find it empty and silent...I paced over to the bed the tears falling from my face after my talk with Esme and the beauty that was Edward...I stroked his soft duvet cover once with my hand...I climbed onto his bed and buried my head into his pillow...Inhaling his scent all around me...That amazing one-of a kind fruity smell with a hint of male musk...I doubt it was the musk that I am used to men of the older people wearing in England...It was more modern but goodness knows what name it was called.

I kept my eyes open even though my tears made affected my vision completely...I was about to close my eyes when something caught my eye on the bedside table...I pushed my torso up with my arms and leaned in closer to the table...I picked up the small pile and placed it in both my hands...I looked down and gasped quietly the minute I rubbed the tears away from my eyes.

They were photos...The photos from my wardrobe back at home in England...My mum and myself as a child were staring back at me...I stroked my mum's happy face and forced the sobs to break free from my body..If I was going to let all my emotion go then now would be the best time.

"Bella?" I swung my head around to find Edward in the doorway...Surely I could have heard something as loud as the bedroom door opening and closing but now it seemed like I was missing a lot more than I had realised...I saw Edward's glance descend to the photos in my hand...He looked worried and concerned as he took a deep breath...I am sure that I sure him bite his lip down also but I couldn't be sure with my emotional state.

"I am sorry...I shouldn't have taken them...I thought that you might want to keep them for memory sake maybe keep them in your diary or something-" he trailed off his hands burrowing into both of his pockets...How could he be sorry? I had completely forgotten about them and if I had realised too late then they may have been gone forever...New occupants never want any traces of old occupants in new houses that they save up to afford.

I didn't want to speak...I leant over and put the photos back on the bedside table...I got up onto my knees and crawled towards Edward who still hadn't moved from the inside of his bedroom door...I picked his hand up and grasped it in mine before pushing up my head to reach his lips...I connected our mouths and ran my free hand through his hair...Keeping my mouth steady but keeping my emotion strong...I opened my mouth and took him in fully feverishly moving my mouth to anywhere I could be in his...God did I love my boyfriend!

In England I came across girls who would state how much they missed their boyfriends yet they had only been away from them a day...I used to wonder whether they were saying it just to gain the right amount of attention from others or whether what they said was genuine...I could relate to missing my boyfriend...Totally and completely.

I moved my hand out of his and started to unbutton his shirt...I tried desperately to keep my hands steady but it was proving to be impossible...I had got to the second button still connecting our tongues.

"Bella-"Edward whispered quietly against my lips...He was about to protest and say that I didn't have to do it...It wasn't the fact that I HAD to do anything...I NEEDED to...He had shown me how he felt for me and how he made me feel back in England and now as once again he has proven that he has one of the greatest hearts beating in any other guy in the world I thought it only right that I would return the favour..He needed it as much as I did and my needs were not important right now...It needed to be about him for a change. I got to the fourth button continuing my trail down to the last.

"Bella-"Edward said again breaking our lips apart.

"Ssh" I whispered against his lips moving my lips down to his neck...He felt so good against my mouth...I loved how his throat vibrated when he moaned and how his chest rose and fell with every breath he made...I loved the smell of his skin...I love him...Everything about him even the fact that he can make mistakes and say the wrong thing...He was mine.

I undid the last button and pulled his shirt down his shoulders to his forearms he stayed still as a statue as I moved my lips from his neck down his chest...trailing my mouth along the length of his collarbone and gaining a guttural moan in response...I got to his pecks rock hard and beautiful I pulled out my tongue and kissed both his pecks and his nipples as I would his mouth...As I got to the second nipple Edward put both his hands in my hair...He did not use force and push my head down further because he wasn't like that...He was never going to hurt me or pressure me...I knew that now and he would always make my needs met before his own and as much as I loved him for it I wasn't going to spend our relationship with him wanting to please me all the time..He didn't need to do anything physical to please me however it was a plus...Edward gave me what I wanted just by breathing and existing and as long as he was in my life..I wanted us to be equal...I felt powerful at least more powerful in myself when I had been able to make him feel the way he did back in England and I wanted to feel that again...I am ALMOST ready to love him fully but for now until I knew I was completely and utterly ready then I would do as best I could for him because everyone knows that you can only do your best and nothing more.

I trailed further down his stomach to his abdominal muscles and I felt him buckle slightly...I halted my movements and without looking up at his face grabbed him forcefully by the shoulders with both my hands and led him towards me...He obliged and leant down to climb onto the bed putting his weight on his knees as he continued to move forwards with me...I connected our mouths again and twisted my body slightly..I pushed him down onto the bed so that his back sunk fully into the mattress...I kept my mouth moving on his and put both my legs on either side of his torso and lent forwards my hair brushing his chest.

"God..Bella" Edward moaned running out of his oxygen supply.

"Tell me what you want, Edward?" I whispered against his lips as he moaned again..It wasn't a moan of pleasure it was more a moan of aggravation..I could sense that he was disappointed in himself and how his body reacted to me as his head wanted me to stop so that he could do these things to me instead.

"Bella..I..Can't" He choked out as I had moved downwards to kiss his abs.

"Edward...I want to please you" I pleaded rubbing my two index fingers along the 'V-shaped' muscle on his lower stomach.

"You please me already, Bella...Too much...I can't lose control with you right now because I will do things I will regret" he answered his voice low and deep.

I unbuckled his belt slowly as his hips automatically thrust upwards...I wasn't scared this time...I didn't need to be..Fair enough I didn't want to do this whole thing fully because all of my clothes were still intact but if I was able to do this without being nude then I was all for it.

I hooked my fingers around his jeans and pushed them down half-way so they landed on his knees.

"Bella...Please?" Edward pleaded and I smiled against his skin as I kissed along the waistband of his boxers...I could see his desire for me but it only spurred me on more...What was happening to me?

"Tell me, Edward" I demanded in a whisper...I took Edward's silence as an opportunity to look at him. He had his hands covering his face...Was I doing something wrong?

I sat up and waited for him to take his hands off of his face...It wasn't long before he did so...I took a deep breath as I saw tears trailing down his cheeks.

"Edward...I'm sorry...I am new with all of this and I am sorry if I am doing it all wrong" I apologised putting both my hands in my lap and biting down on my lip.

"Jesus Christ!" Edward cursed and sat up using his arms to support him "It's not you, Bella...It's me...This is amazing and something that I never imagined would happen with you..I am scared for you sweetheart I don't want you to do this until you feel it is right to do so"

"Do you think I did this because I HAD to?"

"No...I would demand that you didn't do it"

"Edward what you did for me...Back when we were in England...You set my soul alight when you touched me and I felt special...I have never felt like that...I need you to feel that too"

"Bella-"

"Edward for once in your life will you take the plunge and allow me to love you like I do...I cannot say how I feel about you in words there isn't enough...I have to show you"

"I won't-"

I put my hand on his genitals then as he threw his head back into the pillow moaning hard...I must make a mental note then and there to put that gesture down as a definite get-out clause of a sticky situation and possible argument. I moved my hand up and down slowly...This felt strange to me but also appealing at the same time..Edward was large that I could feel and fear creeped over me slightly as I wondered how we were going to connect that way. I kept one hand going with my motions and trailed my head up to Edward's...He had his eyes closed and his breathing was now ragged and very fast...Could I really do this to him?

I kissed his forehead and both his cheeks and moved down to his jaw as his breathing got faster and faster...I could feel his body moving up and further into my hand..I didn't know what was the best way to move my hand...Whether there was a trick or a knack to it all I knew was that Edward liked it and that was all that matters.

I wrapped my mouth around his suppressing his moans that were now getting louder..He forcefully grabbed my hair and pulled me closer to him..My hand and arm were beginning to ache but Edward needed this and I would do it for him...Like I would do anything for him.

"Bella..I'm-" he stuttered as I kissed his eyelids.

"Do it, Edward...I need you to" I admitted as he then let go after a few moments of struggle...Now, I knew about orgasms and even though I had lacked the knowledge about how it feels and what it could do to a person..I could watch Edward have one every hour of every day...Did I just think that? I saw his smile as he relaxed all of his muscles..The smile was like what alcohol did to my mum...A look of pure....Ecstasy...If that is the right word.

I lifted my hand from him...It was slightly moist but I didn't care...I was too damn happy right now...Near to ecstatic knowing that it was me that had done that to him and no one else. Edward's breathing died down as he finally fluttered his eyes open..I smiled down at him as he took my waist and pulled me down so that I was laying completely in his chest...He then cocooned his arms around my back and kissed my head numerous times as I snuggled into my usual crook.

"Do you know how amazing you are, Bella?" He asked...His voice had steadied now.

"You are the amazing one" I answered...He grabbed each side of my head and pulled me up to connect our eyes again...I looked down deep in the green orbs searching for what he would say next but as usual...I saw nothing.

"Stop doing that" he said a little forcefully "I am nowhere near the kind of person you are my love...I am not ashamed to admit that, either. Can you even begin to know the extent of how much I love you...How much I keep loving you more and more as each day passes...I want to be able to do what you have just done to me one day but I will wait for you...I can wait forever, Bella if you asked me to"

I stroked his cheek with one of my hands but remained silent allowing his words to sink in. "You know when I first met you...I knew that you were special...You were the one person who would take away my pain and replace it with laughter and you would throw all the issues of my life out of the window just by talking to me...I was honoured to have you as my sister, Bella as corny as that might sound...Now you belong to me I am never ever going to let you go..I would never hurt one hair on your beautiful head and I would never change you...My heart and soul are yours, Bella..Along with my body and they will be yours until the day I die whether we are still together then or not"

Edward spoke with such sincerity and I had always known that he was genuine even when we weren't going out but now he had touched me and spoke volumes that I never thought I would receive in my life...I wanted to be loved one day and I didn't know what to expect...Now I didn't ever want Edward to go.

"I wasn't rejecting you before...I need you to know that..Possessing the ability to reject anything from you is not in my vocabulary I was scared for you..I didn't want you to regret it, Bella"

"I would never regret it, Edward...I have always done things in my life that I wanted to do and sometimes it has worked and sometimes it hasn't but I wanted this for you" I admitted "Now...Would you please shut up and kiss me?" I finished with a smile...He smiled back his eyes lighting up as he did so.

"With pleasure" he answered as he crashed his lips to mine.

*~Alice~*

"Rose...The least you can do is come out and let me see...You know I can't wear these anymore!" I whined at Rose's closed dressing room curtain..I had wanted to go out lingerie shopping with her for a while but the only time we get to go out is when I am too FAT to fit into anything...I looked over at the assistant who was giving me a stern look..I bit down on my lip and slouched back further into the wall.

"Alice...I am NOT going to humiliate myself" Rose stated...I huffed and strode towards the curtain leaning so that my mouth was inches away from the fabric.

"Then at least let me come in and see" I whispered...I heard Rose exhale from the other side and I jumped instantly when the curtain flew open to half-way...I stepped in and closed it after me.

"Rose you look great!" I exclaimed looking at her reflection in the mirror...Rose always looked good in lingerie but the colour yellow was a given considering her hair colour and blue eyes.

"I feel silly...I don't even LIKE yellow" Rose moaned.

"You are going to stand there and tell me that you don't look good...Emmett doesn't know what he is missing"

"He rarely has a chance to miss anything with me..I can never say no to him"

"So what's stopping you?"

"The fact that he has never seen me in yellow...He loves red on me I know that much"

"How do you know if you don't try...You are always the one to take risks, Rose"

"Yeah and now it is coming back to bit me on the ass now when I WANT to be solemn and sensible..Alice come on I am going to have to WAX if I buy this"

"What's a bit of waxing when you can have Emmett eating out of the palm of your hand...I know my brother and even though I have never thought about him having sex I know how much he worships you, Rose"

"Alice we do not worship each other...At least not in the way that you and Jasper do...See this colour yellow would look so much better on you...Or even Bella...But not me"

"This is not about me OR Bella...It's all about you"

"If I buy it will you stop hassling me?"

"No because I need you to promise that you will wear it...It's all very well saying that you will buy it, Rose but then it can be in a drawer for the next five years when you get it home"

"Jeez, Alice sometimes I swear you are psychic"

"I am not...I just know you"

Rose grunted in defeat and threw her hands up...I clapped jumping up and down a little finding it hard due to my increase in weight...I then skipped back out of the curtain and waited for Rose to get dressed again.

Once Rose had brought lingerie we took our appointments at our usual health spa...Rose added on a wax to her list and we spent the day in pure relaxation...I needed to do as much as I could now until the baby came..As my attention would be entirely on my child once it was born I needed to get as much time for myself as I could.

I was terrified about having mine and Jasper's child but I couldn't help but feel excited either.

*~Carlisle~*

On any normal day I would get home and go into the confines of my office to turn on my mind to the usual daily paperwork I received...However I had some good news today...One of my bosses above my position in the hospital had spoken to Esme and I recently about my progress at Sandgrove..Before attending the meeting I hadn't helped by thinking that I was going to be disciplined because of my decision to endure the adoption process of Bella...As she was originally one of my patients and we do as doctors in the medical profession keep doctor and patient relationships to a strict guideline.

However this fact never came up...My boss whose name is Miss Evans was very brief in the criteria of the interview but she had nothing but the highest praise and I felt good walking out of there knowing that I could have that effect on people.

I walked into the living room automatically turning my gaze to the kitchen to find Esme cooking...I wrapped my arms around her waist as I reached her and she turned around to wrap her arms around my shoulders...I held her for a moment neither of us saying anything before I broke apart and cupped one of her cheeks in my hand.

"I have good news darling" I stated as she waited patiently beneath my touch. "I have been promoted" I finished

Esme...My beautiful wife beamed her mouth-dropping smile and squealed as she threw herself onto me..I lifted her off of the ground as she laughed into my shoulder...I loved how my wife wanted the same things I did and was so supportive. I placed her back down.

"That's amazing sweetheart" she choked out moving her lips to touch mine..I caressed her mouth with mine for only a moment..Even though I wanted to go further..I always wanted my Esme and I would never stop now we had come this far together and gone through so much together in both our lives.

"The employees of the hospital are throwing a party for me...In my honour" I said against her lips.

"When"? she breathed back.

"Friday"

"That's three days away!" Esme exclaimed as I put my index finger on her lips.

"You do not have to hostess this time sweetheart...They are throwing it in the village hall..They want all of my family to come"

"Oh...Of course we will be there baby...Is it a formal occasion?"

"Yes...However it is NOT a black and white rule like last time" The last time I had got promoted the rules were that the people invited would need to be in black and white...It was a silly thing to do in all honesty even though I was completely grateful for being thrown a party at all...Trying to calm Emmett down when he is complaining endlessly about how he looks like a penguin is NOT an easy job.

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

"Yes...Tonight at dinner" I answered kissing her one last time and letting go of her. "Do you need any help?"

"No...You go and work...I will come and get you when it is ready" Esme turned back round but before she could turn around fully I grabbed her waist with one hand and moved closer to her again.

"I love you, Esme" I said as she smiled.

"Where did that come from?" she exclaimed humorously.

"Is it a crime for a husband to love his wife?" I teased.

"Of course not...It was just all a bit sudden that's all"

"So you don't love me, then?"

"Why would you even ask something like that, my love" Esme cooed.

"Simple" I said with a smile...Esme rolled her eyes.

"I loved you the day I met you. Carlisle...I love you now and I will love you forever" she answered

"That's all I needed to know" I replied and caressed her mouth with mine again.

"We will have to continue this later my darling...The dinner isn't going to cook itself" Esme protested but I wasn't having any of it.

"Stuff the dinner, I will get a takeaway" I demanded as I moved my hands to the sides of her waist and pushed my fingers in and moved them around in a circling motion.

"Carlisle-"Esme started

"Yes?" I whispered my mouth moving to her neck as I ravished every angle with kisses.

"We...Can't" she choked out through moans of pleasure...I always knew how to back her into a corner and I loved every second of it.

"You're body is reacting differently to your words, my love" I teased she placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Bella and Edward-" she started

"I want you" I stated.

That was it...That was all I needed for Esme to lift her hands to the sides of my head and crash her lips to mine and melt her tongue with mine..She threw herself on me and wrapped her legs around my waist...I gripped her thighs and walked out of the kitchen our mouths working together resulting in both of us panting...I walked up the stairs silencing my own moans as I passed both Edward and Bella's rooms before I got further down the hallway and opened the door to our bedroom...I stumbled in and felt Esme giggle on my lips...The vibrations sending pleasure straight to my already erect penis. I pushed her down hard as she stood back down on her feet...I started undoing the buttons of her top however due to my heightened desire I found it impossible...I tore both sides of the top so that it ripped in half and flew off of her body..I studied her amazing torso and chest before attacking her neck...Esme threw her head back allowing me more space to roam..I snaked one of my hands towards her back and undid her bra in one swift movement..What can I say I have had a lot of practice! The bra fell down her body easily...I kneaded one of her breasts as I showered the other one with my mouth..Esme was panting hard..She needed this as much as I did...She tore my shirt the same way I had done hers and let it fall off of me before immediately moving to my belt buckle...I kept my attention on the other breast I hadn't kissed yet as she threw my belt buckle somewhere in the room.

Esme hooked her fingers around my trousers as she fell backwards on the bed taking me with her...I kissed her stomach and continued down to her waist...I unbuttoned her trousers and pulled them down slightly to reveal her lacy underwear which was the same colour her bra had been and would now have the same fate in the room. I groaned as Esme lifted herself up off the bed indicating that it was okay for me to remove her trousers...I took her trousers all the way down to her knees and kissed along the band of her underwear...Her legs moved upwards so that she could kick off her trousers completely.

"Carlisle" she groaned in her beautiful husky voice...I would NEVER grow tired of that voice!

"What is it love?" I answered her...Teasing her slightly by not moving my hands at all.

"I need you" she stated her voice breaking slightly...I could deny her nothing...I lowered her underwear down to her knees the same way I had done with her trousers as she pulled my trousers off with her feet..I moved back up so that our faces were close together and swiftly entered her..We both moaned in unison at the contact..Esme tilted her head back as I pulled out and thrusted back in again now filling her completely...Our connection this way had always been right...Like we were made for each other.

With each thrust I went deeper and deeper inside of her as we found our rhythm easily...Esme's moans were now frantic ...I loved making love to my wife..However this could be more easily described as just sex because we had gone into it in such a hurry.

It wasn't long before I could feel my orgasm emerge from my lower abdomen...Esme was still panting hard and meeting my thrusts as best she could even though I could see that her strength was wilting ever so slightly...I waited for her orgasm first...I had the stamina to last for her...I always would.

"Carlisle" she breathed after a moment

"Come for me, Esme" I whispered moving one of my hands to where we were connected...As soon as my hand cupped both of us Esme orgasmed violently her body shaking and her muscles relaxing gradually as she came back down to reality...I let myself go into her once she had finished hers so that she could feel what she did to me...I fell onto her and kissed her passionately our pants still there but slower and deeper this time.

"I love you" Esme said as she moved her lips to my forehead and my eyelids...My eyes were still closed from my ecstasy.

"I love you too" I stuttered sinking further into her body never breaking my connection with her.

*~Emmett~*

(Later)

I walked up to the house holding the pocket which held the ring inside of it still...I hoped to god that Rosalie would like it...I had spent most of this morning going through all of her clothes and makeup to find a colour that she used and wore more than once...It was a toss between gold and red and seeing as I could not get a gold stone...I picked a yellow gold ring with a large Ruby in the middle and two little diamonds on the outside...Ruby was also Rose's birthstone and you could never go wrong with those she had already proven that to me when we brought Bella's Christmas present.

"Hello!" I called into the house the sound of my voice echoing off the walls.

"In the dining room, Emmett!" My dad called back in response..I put my car keys on the coffee table and walked into the dining room to find every member of my family sitting down...However their plates were all empty.

"Come and sit down, Emmett...I have something to say to everyone before we all eat" dad explained and I obliged going over to sit in my seat...I shot my mum a worried look but she smiled lightly in response soothing me.

"Now as you all know I went to a meeting with Esme recently with a boss of mine...She got back to me with information about how she thought the interview went and it turns out that...I have been promoted"!

I looked over at Alice, Bella and Edward who were all smiling widely at the news...I smiled over at my dad...If anyone deserved a promotion it would be my dad...I had always thought that he worked too hard in his job.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say...A toast-" I started as my siblings all raised their glasses enthusiastically..Mum had joined in as I carried on "To dad...Congratulations" I said gesturing my glass to him.

"Congratulations!" My siblings all said in unison as we all took a sip and put our glasses back down on the table.

"Thank you very much...But that isn't all...There will be a party thrown in my honour at the village hall on Friday night..My bosses would like you ALL to attend...Alice and Emmett you may bring Jasper and Rosalie if you wish to do so"

"Thank you, dad" Alice said

"Thanks" I said after her...I looked over at Bella and Edward who were still smiling. "So can we eat now?" I finished.

Dad smiled and rolled his eyes "Yes" he answered simply as I dived in to my food.

I would need to tell dad about how I was going to propose to Rosalie at some point before the party this week...I wasn't planning to keep the moment off for much longer because I had a master plan about how to do it.

Need to talk to dad...Need to talk to dad.

**I need to also say thank you to 'Miss. Ally Lautner, tears-to-cry and Devil nightmare' for your reviews..I have only just received them after finishing the chapter.**

**So things are moving on slowly...It IS coming to an end however I do not know in terms of chapter numbers how many there will be left...Just got to stick with me...I will start work on my new fanfic the moment I finish AML that I can promise you!**

**PLEASE review when you can because I NEED you ****!**

**Love to all who are still reading, reviewing and supporting.**

**.S.**

**X x x**


	33. Connecting Souls

**Next chapter up for you...!!**

**My thanks again go to the people who have reviewed last chapter...'hmwhitlock2000, cullengirl08, jaclynheartz, DodgerMcClure, laceycrazy08 and Raven Jadewolfe'...THANK YOU x**

**Short and sweet from me...I will let the characters speak for themselves...I believe and hope that this is the chapter you have all been waiting for...This is where AML again lives up to its 'M' rating.**

**I do NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML (I also own a FAT research paper on Bertolt Brecht for college..!)**

**Songs for this chapter are: 'The day I fall in love' – Dolly Parton and James Ingram**

'**An Angel' – Declan Galbraith**

'**I'll be – Edwin McCain'**

'**Colourblind – Counting Crows'**

*~Bella~*

(Friday morning)

I was simply happy from Carlisle's announcement a few days ago..He deserved every award or achievement going because he was a FANTASTIC doctor...There is a slight possibility that I was biased because I had been one of his patients but hey..Credit should be made where credit is due and ALL of it should go to Carlisle.

_Dear Diary_

_Amazingly...I am happy right now and I have never said that before..Everything in my life seems to be working out at the moment and there is always a first for everything. As you know I have always been afraid of change however right now I would take on anything that life throws at me because I have the people in my life who will give me the support and strength that I need._

_Edward is amazing as always...Our relationship is growing and I feel more comfortable in myself when I am with him...He makes me feel so much bigger than the world around me like I can face it all again if I were ever to go back and revisit my past...I can't regret the fact that I was taken away from my mum as much as I wanted to at the time because it brought me to Edward and the rest of his family to think if my mum wasn't suffering with her own personal issues of her own I would never have fallen in love or experienced what love is._

_Love for me is like an ocean..It can be calm and beautiful some moments and the next it can be rough and difficult...The current that exists in the ocean is the constant pull that I feel with my desires to take mine and Edward's relationship further..It is all very well, diary, that he states he will wait for me but I do not want him to wait too long for me to get my head around all of this. I should embrace it and I should feel like there is nothing better than him in my world because there isn't and I know that now...Fear holds me back and that fear is the current, it is ever-changing. I am close to being there, diary..I know I am and I just need to hold on to the fact that Edward will be there waiting for me like he always will until we finish all of this. I will also make the decision to go back to having the brother and sister relationship if our relationship were to end._

_Carlisle got promoted...He told us last night of course he didn't mention what position he was now but he also didn't specify that he would leave Sandgrove so maybe he will take Dr Albertson's position as head doctor or at least be a doctor of the same level...I am so happy for my dad, diary more than words can express..He deserves it for all the hours he puts in and he never once complains when things get hard...I hope in the future I can take on the same attitude in everyday life I will have no reason to moan about how things haven't gone my way because I wouldn't be where I am or who I am now._

_Life is good, diary at least for this particular moment in time...I shall update again soon!_

_Bella x_

It was probably the LONGEST diary entry I had ever written...When I would feel sad I would write very little about my thoughts and just write down the facts and symptoms of my emotional state...My diary was still my security blanket even after I have abandoned it somewhat in the search for my purpose in life...My reason for living and still continuing to exist...I have found it now and my diary needs to know that I am okay.

I had put my diary back in my bedside drawer when I was interrupted out of my thought trance by a knock at my door.

"Come in" I said to my closed door...I positioned myself on the bed crossing my legs underneath me to make myself more comfortable..I looked over at the door as it opened and smiled when I saw Emmett peer his head around from the other side.

"Hey Bella-boo...Can I talk with you?" Emmett asked...Wow this was a change..Emmett rarely spoke to me about things that would only include the two of us...I welcomed it because he was the only person I hadn't properly spoken to before...I had talks with mum, dad, Edward, Alice and even Rosalie and Jasper..Emmett was the only one left.

"Of course brother bear!" I exclaimed patting the empty space by my feet...I had secured Emmett his own nickname after he had insisted that he would always call me by mine. Emmett closed the door and sat down next to me on the bed he wrapped his arms around his legs as he brought them up to his chest and faced me head-on.

"I have some news of my own, Bella...I was going to tell dad later but I figured you would be the best person to talk to about it first..Seeing as you have always been there for all of us-"Emmett trailed off covering his mouth with one hand...I leant forwards and touched his hand gently.

"It's okay, Em...You can tell me" I stated he brought his hand down and clasped it in mine hard and brought both of our entwined hands to rest on his knees.

"I am going to propose to Rosalie"

My mouth opened into a wide 'o'...I hadn't meant to gawk but I couldn't help it...I didn't know what to say...I had already been feeling so happy about Carlisle that now Emmett had decided to take the next step with his girlfriend I was ecstatic..As happy as anyone could be.

"Emmett...I don't know what to say" I choked out...Fresh tears filling my eyes from my overwhelmed emotion.

"You think it is wrong...I am going to fast-"Emmett trailed off but I shook my head frantically at him.

"No...God I am sorry, Emmett...I am just so...Happy right now" I choked out..Emmett gave me wide smile.

"You think I should, Bella?"

"It's not for me to decide because I do not live your life for you, Em but as your sister I have to say YES" I exclaimed...I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he moved his knees and hugged me tightly back..I heard him sigh deeply and I hoped to god it was out of relief.

"I love her, Bella and I want to be with her for the rest of my life" Emmett said into my shoulder and I gasped letting more tears fall down my cheeks and onto his shirt.

"Then that's all that matters" I choked back...I kissed his cheek and tilted my head so my forehead was resting on his cheek.

We stayed like that for a good few minutes before I broke away from his hold.

"Do you have a ring for her, Emmett?" I asked wiping the tears from my face.

"Of course I do" he exclaimed with a smile.

"Can I see it?" I asked...He reached into his side pocket and pulled out a small white box..It was similar to the one Rosalie and Emmett's present to me but the colour was different as mine was a dark blue. I took the box from him and opened the lid...I gasped at the redness of the stone shining in the light.

"It's a ruby" I stated

"How do you know that?"

"My mum's birthstone is a ruby...She always had one around her neck when she used to go out and see her friends...I was envious of it that I will always remember"

"So you think Rosalie will like it?"

I closed the box and looked up at him.

"You're an idiot if you think that she won't, Emmett...She loves you even I am certain of that"

Emmett took the box from my hands and put it back in his pocket. "So...Shall I say my congratulations to you now?"

Emmett smiled "You really think she is going to say yes?"

"I have never been sure of anything...She would be silly not to...I would say yes to you with a ring like that"

"I don't want her to say yes to the RING, Bell...I want her to say yes to ME"

"She WILL the ring is just a bonus on top"

"You really are the best, Bella"

I shook my head "I would never propose to someone in the fear of getting rejected...What you are doing and what you want to do show courage that I could never have, Em... I really mean that"

Emmett kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly again I sank into him and brought my head down to his shoulder and kissed it in response.

Wow things just keep getting better and better don't they?

*~Emmett~*

I left Bella's room feeling better than I had done in a long time...Alice had always said that Bella was god's gift to us and I always brushed the comment off and changed the subject because I believed then that no one could be that fantastic but now I couldn't have been happier to be proved wrong.

I was lucky that my dad was off of work today..As he had his party later maybe his bosses had finally cut him some slack about how many hours he worked and let him rest before the big occasion...I was looking forward to it. Okay I was ALWAYS excited about a party but one that is being thrown in honour of my dad's work was something else...I had never felt proud of someone besides Rosalie but now my dad had broken all my boundaries...I was so pleased for him as we all were...I just hoped that he was pleased by what I was deciding to do with my life.

I went down to my dad's office my hands hidden in the security of my pockets...I felt butterflies swarm my stomach and I was beginning to feel queasy as I grasped the door handle and walked in to see my dad at his desk...There was never a time when he wasn't at his desk...He had a sofa near to the door of his office but I had never seen him use it...I closed it behind me and walked towards him wanting to leave again...I had to do this, though...If I didn't I would NEVER pluck up the courage to do it. I kept Bella's comments in my mind when I saw my dad take his glasses off his face and put them down on the desk.

"Hello Emmett...I thought you were out with Rosalie today" my dad greeted me with a smile...I sat down at the empty chair opposite him keeping my hands in my pockets.

"No I needed to speak to you first" I said meekly.

"Okay...What's the matter, son?" Dad asked as he lay back further in the chair.

"I don't want you to think that I am rushing into this, dad because well...I have gone over it endless times in my head that I have driven myself mad-" I trailed off _get to the point, Emmett you idiot!_

"I am sure I wouldn't think anything bad of you, Emmett"

"Don't say that dad...Not at least until you have heard what I have to say" I stated..My dad nodded twice in understanding and kept his silence...I took a deep breath.

"I am going to propose to Rosalie, dad" I confessed biting my lip.

Dad was silent as it was probable that he was letting my words sink in...It was torture waiting for him to say something or at least have a definite expression on his face..I lightly touched the box in my pocket in an attempt to calm my thoughts down.

"Why on earth would I be mad at you for that?" dad asked me...I didn't know how to answer that...I only let my thoughts go back to the past when I first fell in love with Rosalie and had told my dad about it.

"You have always said that a person needs to be secure in his own life before he takes the next step into marriage"

"It's true I said that when you were starting out your relationship with Rose, Emmett because I needed you to understand that you must allow yourself to completely love someone before you make a decision so big...Marriage is no laughing matter and it is not just a piece of paper as I have heard so many times in my line of work...It's a commitment and a large one at that"

"I am ready for this, dad...I have never loved anyone but Rose and I know that I never will...I want to be with her forever" I confessed.

Dad stood up and walked over to stand in front of me....He held out his hand...I looked at him wearily before standing up and taking his hand in mine...I was about to shake it when dad took away his hand and wrapped his arms around my shoulders...Patting me on the shoulder hard the way that men usually do when they show any kind of emotion. I hugged him harder...I didn't feel awkward like I usually did when I hugged my father...I had always been used to hugging my mother and in all honesty I used to prefer showing my love to my mom that way because she was a woman and women feel things a lot more than us men do. However I welcomed this change...It seemed like everything in my life was working out at last.

"I am so proud of you, Emmett" my dad said into my shoulder. I pulled away from him.

"So you're really not mad?"

"No of course not...Emmett you are finally becoming a man...A man who I am very proud to call my son" he answered.

Our little moment was interrupted by mom opening and closing the door to my dad's office she had began to walk further into the room when her glance rested on both myself and my dad..She stopped on the spot.

"Oh I am sorry, Emmett...I did not mean to interrupt" mom said her voice echoing through the room.

"You weren't interrupting anything, darling" my dad replied as I shot her a smile in agreement she walked forwards again and reached us staring at each of us.

"What is going on?" Mom asked.

"Do you want to tell her or should I?" my dad asked me.

"Mom I am going to propose to Rosalie" I said...The largest smile crept the corners of mom's mouth as she covered her it with both her hands.

"Really?!" She exclaimed...Her voice muffled slightly by her hands.

I nodded once with a smile as she gasped in happiness...Tears filling her eyes..I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed her by one shoulder pulling her into my chest and hugging her with as much strength as I could without hurting her.

"Emmett that's fantastic!" she gasped out in my grasp I kissed her head and smiled at my dad who was obviously feeling the amount of love in the room.

Mom pulled away from me and stroked my cheek lovingly. "Can I see the ring, Emmett?" she asked...I reached into my pocket and gave the box to her..She opened it and gasped again uncontrollably.

"Oh Emmett it is beautiful..She is going to love it!" my mom stated.

"So I have both of your blessings?" I asked both my parents.

"Emmett it is usually the woman who needs the blessing-"my dad started.

"I know...But I want both your approval on this...I wouldn't go through it knowing that both of you weren't okay with it" I broke him off...My mom lifted her eyes from the box and looked over and dad they both smiled and looked back at me.

"Emmett we love you...We will support you in whatever it is you do and right now..I can speak for both myself and your father when I say that this is....Amazing...Of course we approve!" mom answered...I bit down on my lip fighting back my tears of happiness. Mom closed the box and gave it back to me as I put it back in my pocket again.

I put each hand on one of my parents' shoulders and leaned in to hug them both..They wrapped each of their arms around me.

"I love you guys too...So much" I said in their chests.

Now I can do it...For real!

I just hope that when I did ask Rosalie she wouldn't reject me.

*~Bella~*

(Later)

From the beginning I had four dresses that Alice had given me and one that Esme had given me at Christmas..I had worn three of them already and so I had the choice of choosing one of them seeing as Alice wasn't here. I had a choice of three colours...Green, Ivory and Blue...They all had looked good on me and the heat from my body from taking them each on and off was now prominent but there was one that I liked above the other two and that was the Ivory one...It was a strapless bodice with no zip or fastening with a flowy bottom...It came to just above my knees which was handy because all my dresses that I had worn so far had been that length and I wouldn't want to wear a dress that was any shorter or any longer than that.

I had already done my hair..Curling it at the ends..Alice was going to be here later and so I decided to wait for her so she could do my makeup..I had no idea what colour eyeshadow to wear with a light coloured dress as I had worn only dark coloured dresses before.

I stood in my bathroom turning around in the mirror and looking at myself...I couldn't see the bottom of the dress because the mirror wasn't a full-length one but I would have to ask Alice if I could use hers before I go just to make sure that it was all correct. I smiled..My reflection copying me..I had always felt a bit strange not wearing makeup because with a dress it was kind of a necessity to look good but I felt pretty now more than I had ever done before.

The door to my bedroom closed snapping me out of my analysis..I edged to the doorway to find Edward staring at me intently.

"Edward...Are you okay?" I asked stepping out of the bathroom to look at him properly.

"I needed to see what you were going to wear" he answered...I walked towards him and stood in front of him so he could see the whole of me.

"This is what I am wearing...I will be wearing makeup so I will look better-" I trailed off.

Edward closed the gap between us and grabbed my face pulling me up a little to connect our mouths..I responded eagerly wrapping my arms around his shoulders..He moaned deeply as he moved his lips to the side of my neck.

"You look amazing, Bella...So beautiful" he whispered and I smiled taking his lips in my own again..Edward's hands moved to my waist as he caressed them lightly..I ran my fingers through his hair receiving another moan from him...The vibration tickled a little as I smiled against his lips and then broke away from them.

"Are you not getting changed?" I asked him quietly still cocooned in his arms

"Jasper will be here soon with Alice...We deicide together what to wear once we have seen what our girlfriends are wearing" he smiled cheekily and I rolled my eyes at him.

I released my hold on him completely as I walked over to my chest of drawers...I pulled out the box that held the locket Edward had given me and walked back to stand in front of him.

"Will you put this on me?" I asked handing the box to him...He smiled and took it opening the lid and taking out the locket...I turned around and lifted my hair as he put the locket on me..I touched it holding into place as he clasped the back and let it fall to just below my collarbone...Edward kissed my neck causing my hands to release my hair completely...I tilted my head to rest on the side of his...Edward wrapped his arms tight around my stomach as he continued to kiss my neck.

"I love you" I said in a whisper.

"I REALLY love you" Edward answered and I laughed a little at his remark.

"Are you making fun of me?" I teased remembering that I had said exactly the same thing he had just done when we had our first date.

"Hell No" he answered I tilted my head back to give him more access as my hands stroked his on my stomach.

"Okay...Lovers moment over!" I heard Alice shout as the door to my room banged against the wall...Edward grunted quietly so only I could hear before releasing his hold on me..I instantly missed his contact with me. He turned around as I walked a few steps away from where he was and also turned to face Alice.

"Ah Alice I was wondering when you were going to show up...Excellent timing as usual" Edward remarked as I bit down my lip to hush my laughter.

"Little bro you need to get changed and besides...Bella is already dressed therefore I wasn't interrupting anything IMPORTANT" Alice answered. Edward sighed in defeat and walked out of my room...He turned to smile at me..I smiled back before Alice closed the door on him.

"I must say, Bella...That is an excellent choice!" Alice chimed sitting down on my bed and analysing me "come on give me a twirl!"

I spun around feeling slightly inadequate.

"Yes...I am very proud that you could pick out a dress without my input!" Alice exclaimed with a beaming smile.

"Thanks...Listen Alice, would it be too much to ask you to do my makeup for me?" I asked her.

"Nothing would be too much to ask, Bella..Especially from you...Of course I will" she said skipping to my chest of drawers and pulling out my makeup bag "go and sit down, beautiful" she added and I obliged smoothing out the bottom of my dress before sitting on my bed.

It didn't take Alice long to finish...I smiled up at her as she studied the final look.

"You know, Bella...I have yet to meet another person as beautiful as you are...I am not just saying that because you are my sister, either"

"This is coming from the girl who looks good in ANYTHING"

"Oh silly Bella, I don't look good in ANYTHING...I have to FEEL good before I know I look good...Luckily I have a boyfriend who always thinks I am beautiful...Just like you now do!"

"I can't disagree with that." I stood up smoothing out my dress again "so how is everything going?"

"I am going to take a wild guess and say you are talking about the baby...Yes, everything is going great I just have to wait for the little one's appearance now!"

"I still think it's fantastic that you are doing this, Alice...I don't think I ever could"

"Never say you wouldn't be able to unless you are in the same situation...People change, Bella you'd be surprised. Now we have about another hour and a half to kill before we need to go..Dad and mom have gone out..Something about celebrating by themselves before they join the party I couldn't quite hear everything my mom said on the phone. So you wait here and I will come back and get you" she finished.

Alice turned on her heel and walked to the door but gasped when the door opened near to the proximity of her face..I looked up instantly the door opening startling me also.

"Sorry" Rosalie said as she peered her head around the corner "I didn't hit anyone did I?"

"It was a close shave but it's all okay" Alice sang as Rose stepped in the room.

"I need to speak to Bella for a moment, Alice...Are you going to be in your room?" Rose said...Everyone wanted to speak to me today...Was I really good at giving advice?

"Of course..Come up when you are ready" Alice replied she kissed Rose on the cheek and walked out of the room..I heard her footsteps trailing up the stairs before everything went silent.

"Is it okay if I have a word, Bella?" Rose asked me wearily.

"Why would you even ask that, come and sit down" I answered receiving a small smile as she closed my door and sat on the bed..I continued to stand to the side of her.

"I need to know if Emmett has said anything about our relationship to you this week, Bella?" Rose began...I stiffened..I had completely forgotten that I knew what Emmett's plan was before Rosalie did. This did feel slightly awkward.

"No...He has just been his usual self...Why do you ask, Rose?"

"He seems distant...He's been going out and not telling me where he is going and usually I wouldn't mind but I am so very easily paranoid, Bella...I am frightened that he will find another girl and leave me because I am not good enough for him" Rose choked on her breath...Tears filling up her eyes...I ran quickly to the bathroom and pulled off some toilet paper before walking back in my room and handing it to her.

"Thanks" she said with a smile..She dabbed her eyes lightly with the paper.

"Can I sit?" I asked her...She looked up at me.

"Why would you ask me if you can sit down..It's your room"

"I know but I'm aware that some people might not like to be crowded when they are upset"

"Oh no...I came in here to ask your opinion, Bella...I would prefer it if you DID sit down...When people stand over me it makes me feel nervous"

I smoothed out my dress and sat next to her.

"Why would you even begin to think that Emmett would be unfaithful to you?"

"I don't believe he would...I mean I know he wouldn't but it's all me...It's all my issues with myself that make me like this"

"Rose...It's true that I haven't known Emmett for as long as you have but honestly it doesn't take a mastermind to know that he is crazy about you"

"He's been distant though, Bella. I am scared that I have done something"

"People get distant when they have a lot on their mind and Emmett like Edward as well doesn't like to show others how they feel because they do not want to cause concern...It's annoying as hell but sometimes it is necessary"

Rose sniffed "I forgot about you and Edward...How is that going by the way?"

I sighed "Emmett told you?"

"No..Alice did...She knew that you two had feelings for each other and she told me...Just before Christmas"

"We weren't even going out before Christmas..Oh I swear that girl can read minds!"

"I am sorry..I should have waited for you to tell me yourself"

"Oh no...I mean it would have been nice to tell you but it's okay...However I don't think it's right I talk about my relationship when you are upset, Rose"

"Please, Bella?"

"It's going great" I admitted simply "That's all I can say really...I have no other words for it"

"You make a really beautiful couple"

"Not as beautiful as you and Emmett are together" I stroked a strand of hair away from her face.

"So it's just me being paranoid?"

"In all honesty..Yes"

Rose chuckled a little "I figured as much"

"Don't hurt yourself like this though, Rose...If something was wrong with Emmett I am sure that he would have told you...He loves you too much to keep secrets from you" _Oh no...Wrong choice of words, Bella!_

"Thank you Bella" Rose sank her head on my shoulder and I wrapped one arm around her shoulders around her "thank you so much" she finished..I leant my head on hers and allowed the silence to hush over the two of us.

"Now I think it would be best if you went and re-did your makeup..Or at least get Alice to do it because she will never let you out of the house looking like that"

Rose leant back up from my shoulder and stood up "I agree...Thank again, Bella. I love you"

I was a little taken aback by Rose saying that she loved me but snapped out of the thought quickly.

"I love you too" I said as she exited from my room.

I exhaled deeply and threw my whole body back so I was lying on my bed.

Things can just get stranger and stranger.

Alice came back in my room some time later.

"Okay darling sister...We need to go!" she sang...I was already browsing through the bottom of my wardrobe to find a pair of heels. "The silver ones, Bella" she added. I picked up the heels and put them on as quickly as I could before grabbing a white coat from my wardrobe and hanging it over my arm.

I walked out of my room closing it behind me..Alice took my hand.

"You ready?" she asked me and I nodded..We both walked down the stairs successfully as we were both in heels. Rosalie was wrapped around Emmett in the far corner of the living room near the front door and Edward and Jasper were waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs.

"You look great, Bella" Jasper said...I waved at him and smiled before reaching the bottom of the stairs Alice let go of my hand and went over to Jasper..I looked over at Edward who looked like he had just seen a pig fly in the sky. I let out a laugh at his expression.

"Edward..Stop gawking at me and take my hand" I teased...There was a little laughter in the room from the others at my remark..Edward flashed me a smile before taking my hand.

"I am sorry...I couldn't help it" He whispered...I nodded in understanding.

"Okay let's go" Alice said as well all made our way out of the front door...Three couples hand in hand with each other..She locked it once myself and Edward were outside.

Alice and Jasper went in her car and Rose and Emmett went in his jeep...Edward led me over to his Volvo and opened the passenger door for me...I curtsied a little with a smile and climbed in. Edward climbed in on the drivers side and turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the driveway.

"So how far is it to the hall?" I asked looking over at him.

"About twenty minutes"

"We could have walked, then"

"In this weather...No way I am not having you die on me because you have caught Hypothermia...Besides I really want to dance with you again" he flashed me his crooked smile and once again I melted into silence for the rest of the journey.

I didn't have much time to take a look at the hall properly from the outside as Alice had dragged me into the entrance by the hand the minute I stepped out of Edward's car...Edward had made the wiser decision of walking behind with Jasper, Rose and Emmett.

"Wow it looks amazing in here!" Alice sang...She let go of my hand as she went to look around...I hurried back to Edward and clasped his hand...Security washing over me again as I did so.

"I swear that girl needs a leash" I whispered into Edward's ear as he laughed and wrapped on arm firmly around me.

"Stick with me my love and you will be safe" he said kissing me on the forehead..We walked further into the hall together hand in hand.

For the first hour of the party I had been meeting various people...They were all people who worked with Carlisle but had found out from him about how I ended up being adopted by him...Of course they were also full of praise and questions to ask me about my new family. I had lost Edward half-way into the mingling session as we had been uncontrollably torn apart, him by Esme and me from Carlisle.

I breathed a sigh of relief once I had met everyone and went into the small kitchen to grab a drink...I saw Emmett standing there with a pint of coke in his hand.

"Bella-boo...How is it all going?" He greeted me cheerfully.

"Great" I answered with sarcasm "actually I am glad I caught you...Where is Rosalie?"

"She went off with Alice somewhere..Why what's up?"

"Rose came in to my room earlier saying that she was worried how you had become distant"

"Oh, Jesus" Emmett sighed putting his coke down.

"I don't want to alarm you but she said that you haven't been telling her where you have been going and so she now feels paranoid that you may be seeing other girls"

"God that girl...She still doesn't realise that there is no one else for me but her...Was she VERY upset, Bella?"

"No just scared more than anything"

"I had to go into town a few times to get the ring...That is all I did, Bella"

"Emmett I believe you...You don't have to justify yourself to me...I didn't tell her about what you were planning but I think you need to tell her"

"Of course...Thank you sweetie" he said kissing me on the cheek and leaving the room. I poured myself a drink and looked ahead at where I had just come from.

I saw Alice and Jasper in a passionate embrace in the middle of the room...I threw away the thought of why Rosalie wasn't with her out of my head the minute it had entered and studied the sight in front of me.

So much love between two people...It radiated off of them..Jasper had one hand on Alice's tummy and one hand round her shoulders..She was giggling at him for something her hand placed on his chest...It was like those moments in films where everything would suddenly turn to slow motion and there would only be music filling the scene.

Looking at them...There it was...The click!

The same click that Alice had told me about when she decided to take things further with Jasper...I wanted Edward in that way...I needed him in that way. I wanted us to be like Alice and Jasper a year or two down the line except I don't think I would be pregnant like Alice was...That would be a little too fast for me. I wanted to get physical with my boyfriend and the emotions overtook me in that moment..I put down my drink and walked out past Alice and Jasper who hadn't noticed me and went in search for Edward.

I found him in the garden looking up at the sky...I walked over to him and tapped his shoulder..He turned around to smile at me.

"There you are, baby..I am sorry that I lost you" He said...Oh god I WANTED him...I had wanted him before but never this much.

"Edward...I am not feeling too well...Could you drive me home?" I lied to him...I didn't want to say what I wanted to do in fear of embarrassment or rejection from him.

"Of course sweetheart...Get your coat and I will talk to mom and dad" He said kissing me lovingly on the cheek and left me...I breathed in the fresh air once and then made my way back inside. I took my coat off of the rack by the hall entrance and turned around to put it on..Edward was walking towards me.

"Everything's sorted...You don't feel sick do you?" he asked me

I shook my head "no just a headache" I answered simply. He took my hand and took off his coat from the rack with his free hand before leading me outside.

I felt really bad about missing Carlisle's party but I needed Edward...I really did need him and I only hoped that he would need me too as he has said to me before.

*~Edward~*

I climbed out of the car with Bella's hand tightly around mine...I walked into the house both of us silent and released her hand to go into the kitchen...I browsed through the medicine cabinet taking out a bottle of Tylenol and a couple of paracetimols...I picked the contents up and turned to see Bella who was in the doorway giving me a confused look.

"Edward..I am not ill" she stated...I stood there motionless with the contents in my hands...She was fighting back a smile as she moved gracefully towards me...She lifted her hands and took the contents from my hands and reached behind me to put them on the kitchen side...her hair tickling my nose...I breathed in her strawberry smell...God did I love that smell...Her eyes reconnected with mine.

"I don't understand-" I began but was broken off by a small giggle from Bella's mouth.

"I needed to think of something..An excuse to come back here, Edward"

"But...Why?"

Bella caressed one of my cheeks and leaned up to my ear..."I am ready, Edward" she said simply.

_Fuck me...Did she just say that?_

"I want to make love to you, Edward" Bella whispered..Kissing my ear and the side of my neck.

_Hell yes she did!_ My knees buckled slightly as my desire began to grow again...I kissed her head once and then moved down to her mouth and ravished it showing her that I was okay with her statement seeing as due to my shock I was out of words..She responded with a moan.

I had nowhere else in the world I would rather be and the fact that I had probably hurt her countless times in the past for what I thought was going to be something better...There was nothing better...There was just us now...Fighting the world and finding ourselves together.

"My beautiful Bella....I want you so much" I whispered...pulling her away from my mouth so I could look at her properly....

I placed both my hands from around her waist and around both sides of her face pulling her gaze closer...She smiled at let out another sob.

"I have never felt like this and no one can ever make me feel like this Edward...I had my doubts because we are adopted and part of the same family but hell, Jane Austen married off cousins all the time in her books. I can't live without you, Edward and I do not want you to wait for me anymore...I want you, I need you and I always will...I love you so much" She finished more tears escaping her eyes.

I pulled her lips to mine again and kissed her hoping to show some of the desire I felt for her, she responded with as much enthusiasm wrapping her hands in my hair making me groan into the confined space of her lips, I parted our lips and my tongue seeked entrance into her mouth as she happily accepted it our tongues dancing together again as if they had never been apart. I could never get enough of her taste, her smell, everything that she is and the fact that she wanted me after all that had happened in both our lives makes me happier than anything. I broke away from our kiss, a slight moan at the loss and held her closely to me.

"Bella...I have done things to you in the past I shouldn't have and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it all up to you Bella I promise. I want to be the only one to touch you, to kiss you, to be with you, Bella." I ravished her mouth again not wanting to have her justify herself to me anymore, she never needed to if anything it was me that needed to do the justifying right now...I disconnected my lips from hers moving down to her neck planting kisses from the edge of her jaw to the hollow at the side..She leaned her head back moaning in ecstasy giving me more access as she wrapped her arms tighter around my head.

"Will you do something for me, Edward?" She asked as I continued my trail from her neck to the top of her chest, above the round lining of her top. "Anything....There is nothing I would deny you Bella, what is it my love? You only have to say.." I said between kisses.

"Will you make love to ME?" She asked, through pleasurable moans.

I stopped and brought my head back up....God there was nothing I wanted and needed more but I had my own reservations...I needed her to be ready because this was going to be a big step for the both of us.

"Bella...Are you sure"? I asked in reply, my desire for her straining in my trousers at every moment I was in her arms.

"I have never been so sure of anything, Edward. I need you and want you so badly...Please?" Bella pleaded her eyes transfixed into mine. I smiled.

"Yes" I replied before kissing her lips with fervour.

*~Bella~*

Edward's lips were on mine, our tongues connected with passion and devour no one kissed me like Edward did...No one would EVER live up to him..I pulled both my arms away and moved them to his muscled chest undoing each button carefully due to how badly I was shaking, Edward noticed my unsteadiness and put his hands on my shoulders and rubbed them lightly...Sensations went through my body like a forest fire, boy did this man have talented hands...Something as simple as rubbing my shoulders could make me want him anymore than what I already did.

Once his shirt was successfully undone I tugged it off his shoulders, smashing my lips to his and parting my mouth as he then walked forwards, gripping tightly to the skin at either side of my waist and then pulling me into a bridal-style carry...Never once disconnecting our dancing mouths...I moaned into him as he placed me gently onto the bed and then climbed on top of me pushing some of his weight onto me and sinking me into the bed but it was not uncomfortable.

"Bella" He whispered his voice filled with lust as he attacked my neck again with kisses "I love you so much...I love you, my beautiful girl....Tell me you love me, Bella"

"I love you, Edward" I answered immediately through moans of desire...I trailed one hand down my stomach whilst the other one rested in his hair and pulled the hem of my dress upwards, Edward who was ravishing my neck clasped his hands underneath me and across my spine lifting me upwards slightly so I could move the dress to my neck...He released me and removed the rest of the dress himself, the warmness from both our bodies resting on each other...Skin-to-skin.

Edward leant up onto his elbows and examined my body.. I screamed at myself as I felt anxious under his lustful stare...He looked into my eyes and smiled my favourite crooked smile that instantly relaxed me.

"If I haven't told you before Bella.....You're stunning" He exhaled as he brought his lips to mine...I wrapped both my arms harder around his torso and we moaned in turn, he always knew how to make me feel beautiful and was he beautiful?! Inside and out, Edward was one of a kind and now we were as one together...Just as it always should have been.

Edward kissed my forehead and trailed his way downwards to my covered breasts, kissing and massaging them in turn...My body arching upwards as the pool of my pleasure got my senses more alive...He took his time with me, worshipping my body as I did his...Feeling his obvious desire on my leg I smiled inwardly knowing that we could both please each other in this way

Edward worked his mouth on my breasts and the valley in between them setting my whole body alight from bone to skin....I clutched his hair in my fingertips and kissed his head repeatedly as he worked me as well as he would do his piano....Moans escaping from my mouth uncontrollably almost to the brink of embarrassment...But this was Edward...He was _My Edward...._He had always belonged in my heart and that was something that was never going to change for the rest of my life...I would always need him and there was no chance in hell that I would ever be able to live without him.

Edward moved from my breasts down to my stomach..His long fingers massaging my hips as he kissed all the areas of my stomach...I felt myself getting hotter and hotter and my desire for him increasing in the confines of our own haven...I put my hands over my face as Edward moved to the bottom of my stomach...My tummy tightening instantly.

"Bella don't hide your eyes from me" Edward whispered...I didn't know whether I was doing anything right...If my body was doing the right things or if I was supposed to be doing something other than laying here. Edward grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my face.

"I'm sorry, Edward...I don't know how to do this" I choked out through defeating tears..Edward stroked my face and kissed me lightly.

"We'll learn together, Bella" he answered..I gasped in shock.

"Edward...You mean you've never...With Jessica?" I stuttered...Edward knew what I meant however as he shook his head once.

"I only thought I loved Jessica but I wasn't prepared to go this far with her without feeling like I loved her completely...Turns out I didn't...I fell in love with you instead"

A sob broke through my body "I am sorry"

Edward took my head in both his hands "You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella...You have no idea how long I have waited for this...To find someone as amazing as you to share this with...You will never fathom how much I need you, Bella"

"I think I have a fair idea...I want this more than anything Edward"

"I am scared too, Bella...I have heard that a young woman's first time can hurt and I don't want to hurt you...I would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt you again"

"Do you think I care about it hurting?" I touched one of his cheeks with my hands. "You ARE my life, Edward...I would rather die than not be with you"

Edward kissed me again enhancing the passion and love that we both had for each other in that moment my hips automatically thrust upwards..The feeling of Edward's desire on my stomach..Edward moaned as he disconnected our mouths.

"Don't be afraid my Bella...I am here and I will take care of you" A tear escaped my eyes...I believed him...He spoke to my soul and the insecure girl inside of me. "I love you" Edward kissed my forehead "I adore you" he moved his head down and kissed along my jaw line "I want you" he kissed the crook at the side of my neck...I threw my head back the minute his mouth touched that part of me "and I need you" he kissed my ear. "Do you trust me, Bella?"

"Of course I do" I breathed out clutching his shoulders tighter in my hands.

"I will make you feel good, Bella...I promise" He whispered in my ear..Causing me to flinch slightly.

"I know you will. Edward" I answered intentionally keeping my voice steady....Edward moved his lips down to my breasts again and kissed them as beautifully as he would my mouth...His mouth was like a siren waking up my whole body to him..In one touch he could do so much to me and have such an effect on any thought or any speech I had...I was pleased I waited for this...I wouldn't have been ready before now...Edward trailed one of his hands along my back and unclasped my bra...I put my arms out to let it fall from my body completely...Edward then kneaded my now-exposed breasts with both his hands caressing them lovingly...I arched my back again.

"Edward...Please?" I begged although I had no idea what I was begging for....He had moved from my breasts now to my stomach kissing every part of me as he went never leaving anything untouched.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He mumbled through his kisses and his voice sent pleasure to my very soul.

"I need you" I choked out...Suddenly realising that I was now crying. Edward looked upwards at my face and instantly took his hands and rested them on the side of my face.

"Are you alright, baby? Do you want me to stop"?

I shook my head violently as more tears escaped from my eyes "I just feel overwhelmed right now, Edward...I have seen this in my dreams but I would never have imagined it would really be happening and now I am ruining the moment and-"Edward stopped my rambling with a finger to my lips stroking the bottom and the top never breaking my eye-contact with him.

"Bella...If you are not ready for this, I will wait for as long as you need until you are ready...I will wait for you, Bella if you do not want this I won't mind...I want you to be happy and if that means having to wait then I will do...I would do anything for you, Bella" He said kissing my forehead, cheeks, jaw and nose.

"Edward...I want this...I want to be one with you. As corny as that sound right now but I am sorry if I am unable to perform as well as I should...I want to please you" I stopped as he then looked at me, confusion and almost shock in his face.

"You do...If you never believe anything I say, Bella then at least believe that" He replied completely still now although still on top of me holding himself up with his hands. "I would never leave you and I don't want you to EVER think that I will because I won't...I love you too much, baby....Right now it's just us...Just Edward and Bella...I will make sure that no harm comes to you ever again because I am here and not because I want to have sex Bella...This isn't about just having your body...I need YOU" He confessed as I felt my whole body relax under him. He kissed my nose and moved back down to where my feet were taking my heels off of my feet...I lifted myself up and he completely removed them placing them somewhere on the floor.

"God, Bella" He growled as he kissed up my claves and the front of my thighs...I squirmed underneath him almost to the point of injury but this was what Edward did to me and right now...I couldn't care less.

I shivered suddenly as his thumbs hooked the sides of my one remaining item of clothing. "Ssh...It's alright baby, I'm right here" I could feel Edward all over me and not because his breath had landed on my stomach causing Goosebumps to appear in its wake but he was in every fibre of me...I never thought that something like undressing would feel so erotic and pleasurable. As I was now lying completely nude in front of him, I heard a sound of a zipper being pulled down from the foot of the bed...It was now dark and there was no light and only the sound of light rain hitting the windows and filling the room...I grabbed a blanket from above my head and placed it over my exposed chest...I wondered whether Edward had left the room and I didn't want any of my family coming home unexpectedly to see me like this on the bed.

"What are you doing?" I heard from the foot of the bed...I jumped a little when Edward put his hand on my foot and then climbed back onto the bed.

"Bella...Don't ever hide yourself from me...Ever!" He growled yanking the blanket from my hands and across the room...I giggled at his sudden outburst until I realised that he had taken his trousers off and was now just in a black pair of boxers...I moaned as his desire pressed on my leg and he attacked my mouth again.

I hooked my hands to the top of his boxers as he moaned into my mouth...Pulling them down as far as I could I kept my mouth on his, not wanting to break our contact..I then lifted my legs up and hooked my toes where my fingers had been and pulled the boxers down the rest of the way and off of his legs onto the floor. Edward then pulled upwards to face me...Or bodies fully exposed to one another and he kissed my eyelids tentatively.

"Bella...Are you sure?" He asked his breath on my face.

"Yes...Please Edward, make love to me..." I gasped out still getting over the effects of his sweet scent on my face...We had come this far and I needed him more than ever.

"It is going to hurt at first sweetheart.. I promise to be gentle..I love you, so very much my Bella" He said kissing my face again.

"I don't care, Edward...This is what I wanted...The only person I want is you" I said with some now, steadiness to my voice as he then moved himself towards my entrance. I lay there holding on to his arms preparing myself for the pain, I had heard that losing your virginity is painful but I trusted Edward and I knew that he would never intentionally hurt me.

Edward pressed himself into me, the burn instantly hitting my lower body, I squirmed a little trying to escape the unfamiliar sensation but it only made it worse...I lay there as still as I could fighting back the tears as Edward pulled back out and in to me again a little further...He pulled out and in again once more as he moaned contently, the pain was now beginning to subside and all I felt now was pleasure...I hooked my legs around his waist as an indication for him to continue he filled me one more time until he was completely in and then he was still, pulling his face up and gazing at me again.

"Are you okay, my angel"? He asked, the warmest sincerity in his face...I nodded and smiled a little as I pulled him closer to me...We found our rhythm together and moaned simultaneously as we filled one another as much as we could manage...This was what it was like to be connected with another person..We were one now, making our own perfect shape and there was nothing I was enjoying more. Edward was patient with me and it didn't take long for the knotty feeling to come into my lower stomach...I was close to an orgasm and I didn't think I was going to be able to carry on much longer.

"Edward" I gasped pulling myself up to kiss his neck, he moaned at my contact but kept his rhythm.

Edward grabbed my arms and pulled me upwards so that I was now on his lap...We were now at a new angle which felt even better than before. I felt his warm breath on my face as he lay his head into the crook of my neck...I kissed his hair repeatedly showing as much love as I could for him in this moment.

Sweat was building on our bodies and our breathing jagged under the soft murmurs of the air and rain outside of the house...Could I feel any more complete?

Edward caressed my stomach, my waist, my sides anything that he could touch as I continued my attack in his hair with my fingers and my mouth.

"I love you Bella" Edward said through climbing moans...I knew he didn't have long to go and I was beginning to subside myself as I felt a knot in my lower torso...It felt odd but really good at the same time..Like it was something I desperately needed to shift...Something I needed more than anything.

"I love you too, Edward...Don't stop please" I cried out...I couldn't speak anymore as my breathing was too heavy.

I moved my mouth back down to his neck, savouring his moist skin under my mouth..I used one hand to trail my fingers lightly along his Adam's apple and at the hollow at the base of his neck.

"Edward" I moaned unable to carry on...I suddenly felt bad because I didn't have the stamina to make this moment last any longer...It was Edward, it was all Edward...He was the one who made me feel like this and no one else.

"It's okay Bella...Let it go" He stammered as I then let go...Floods of happiness and pleasure swirled all over my body as I rocked it out...Orgasms were GOOD! Edward came soon after the warmness of his orgasm filling me up entirely as our ragged breathing slowed down.

I grabbed his hair and pulled his head to me...I kissed his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his jaw and his cheeks in turn as he caressed my cheek with one hand.

"Thank you, Edward" I said now moving down to kiss his shoulders. Edward said nothing as he placed his hands on my shoulders and gently pulled me down with him to the bed so our bodies were still connected...His breathing was on my face as he kissed my face in various places..I leaned my head further upwards to put more force on his mouth.

Once Edward's breathing had calmed down completely he pulled out from me...I gasped at the pain that was left in my lower stomach...It was uncomfortable but I have had a lot more physical pain in my life that had been a lot worse than this. I tried to clench my muscles in my abdomen to make it go away but it only made the pain more prominent...I but down hard on my lip hoping that it would go away...Edward must have noticed this as I felt his index finger brush my tears away in turn.

"Are you in pain baby?" he whispered soothingly.

"A little but I will be okay" I answered. I jumped when Edward suddenly moved so that he was laying down on his side his weight being held up by his arm...He pulled the cover away from my stomach but left it just below my hipbones...He used his free hand and put his palm on my lower abdomen...I gasped as the pain shot through me once again...He moved his hand lightly across every part of my tummy...pushing his fingers deep into the muscles...It was the same way that massage people were paid to do...It could have been erotic and if I wasn't concentrating on how good his hands helped the pain then he would have set me on fire again.

He kissed my stomach three times when he finished before looking up at me.

"Does that feel better?" he asked.

I moved my body carefully to find that the pain had almost completely gone...I smiled at him. "Much...Thank you. Edward" I answered him appreciatively.

"You're always welcome, my Bella" he whispered capturing my lips and kissing me deeply once again...I wound my fingers in his hair again and pulled his mouth further on mine..Thankful to be in his arms fully and for the fact that he had once again treated me so well after something that made me feel so grown up...I felt more like a young woman than a girl now and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide the smiles tomorrow.

"We should get back to the party" I stated with a little moan.

"I told dad that you weren't feeling well...He understood and so he told me to take care of you and as your carer I advise that you stay here with me" he answered with his crooked smile. Edward moved back to his original position on the bed and took me in his arms again...I moved closer to his body.

I chuckled lightly "Of course I will stay with you...I would stay with you forever" I answered wrapping my arms around his shoulders and fluttering my eyes closed.

I have officially died and gone to the most beautiful heaven imaginable...I finally indulged in the physical side of a relationship and I was no longer scared...I was happy that I had the courage to do it and I would always love Edward for giving himself to me as I had done him.

This is what love is...Complete love.

I was loving the change in my ocean's current...I hope it stays that way.

**I have NEVER written a lemon before so I hope that it lived up to everyone's expectations...I was going to wait a little longer but I wrote the lemon before I wrote ANYTHING else in AML and I didn't want to wait (Much like Bella, really). Now E and B have CONSUMATED :D!**

**I will update again tomorrow...I need to thank 'Katie Lou Lou x' for her review as I have just received it..As always she is an amazing support like every other single person that reviews AML.**

**Lots of love**

**.S.**

**X x**


	34. Ecstasy then Tragedy

**Hey!**

**Thank you SO much for the support last chapter...To...'hmwhitlock, cullengirl08, Miss. Ally Lautner, Raven Jadewolfe, goldenwolfeyes, laceycrazy08, LucasTillGirl, DodgerMcClure, Katie Lou Lou x and EllaJ 18' – LOTS of LOVE for you guys! x**

**It's not all happy-dory now let me tell you...I am sorry in advance but I have had this planned ever since I started writing AML and the story will be coming to a close VERY soon!!**

**I also need to say as a little note...Edward DID use protection..That's what he was doing when Bella was alone on the bed for a minute or two..I forgot to disclose it..There will be no babies for Bella in AML because I BELIEVE in contraception...That is unless someone wants to have a baby then it's all good. I just wanted to make them both give their virginities away because I thought it would be much more special.**

**Here is chapter 32 for you..!**

**Songs for B/E part of the chapter are: All the things she said – TATU**

**R/Em part of the chapter: 'Entwined' – Jason Reeves**

**B/A part of the chapter: 'Sweet Sacrifice' – Evanescence**

**J/B part of the chapter: 'Danny Boy' – Declan Galbraith**

**There IS sexual content in this chapter...Consider it a warning before you read.**

**I do NOT own Twilight.....I own AML**

*~Bella~*

I sighed contently in the security of Edward's pillow...I had been awoken by the feel of his lips on my cheek and the side of my neck...I could get used to waking up like this!

I twisted my body around and smiled up at Edward...He wrapped his arm around my torso and kissed my nose.

"Good morning sweetheart" he whispered to me...After last night everything seemed so perfect...The kind of thing that only happens in fairytales and in romantic films...We were in our own montage Edward and I and nothing would ever compare to the feelings that overtook me in that moment...I was completely comfortable with Edward as he was with me.

"Morning" I sighed back stretching out my legs under the duvet

"Are you in any pain this morning my Bella?" Edward asked me as his nose skimmed along one of my cheeks...I sighed again.

"No..I can't feel anything right now" I assured him in reply.

" I heard that sex can do that to a person" Edward teased moving down my cheek to the side of my neck..I shuddered a little...God he always knew how to make me melt!

"I wouldn't know" I teased back...Edward wrapped one of his arms around my chest and kept his weight on his free arm.

"You know I never said thank you for basically lying to my face last night" Edward said...I giggled lightly.

"You're welcome...I glad I did it"

"Glad about what...Lying or having sex?" Edward kissed my forehead...I put one of my hands on his arm and sunk further into the pillow....My forehead was definitely my favourite kissing spot.

"Both" I breathed out with a smile...Edward responded with my favourite crooked smile and attacked my lips before I could say anything else. I wrapped both my hands around his face and responded fully...How can I have missed his lips so much since last night a mere number of HOURS ago...I have officially got it bad...I was tingling all over this morning and all in a good way...If I got up and found myself in some discomfort like I did last night then it wouldn't matter because the good points would smash the bad ones out of the water.

I felt Edward move from the side of me and I guessed immediately that he was up for round two...Jeez so was I...Is sex usually something that can turn into an addiction? Or was it just the fact that Edward made me feel special it made everything else feel special when I was one with him...I was about to alter my own position slightly to welcome his weight when our moment was interrupted by the sound of Edward's phone echoing through the silent room...Edward moaned deeply the vibrations soaring through my lips and I fought back a smile...Did he really like doing this with me? There was me thinking that I couldn't feel anymore love and need for him now...Did he feel the same way? Wow physical aspects make everything seem so rosy but complicated at the same time...I guess it was just one of life's mysteries. Edward disconnected our mouths and reached over to get the phone...He done it gently out of being half on top of me at that moment and flipped his phone up and accepted the call.

"Hello?" Edward said into the phone as he moved away from me completely and leant on his side again facing me...I waited patiently for him to finish not really curious as to who might have been on the phone. "No that's alright, I was awake...Yes she's right here, hold on a minute" I frowned at him and bit down on my lip...How could Edward have got a phone call for me? I had my own phone...Oh Jesus that reminded me that I really needed to actually USE that thing. "Elizabeth for you" Edward said flashing me yet another knee-buckling smile and handing the phone over to me...I took it from him and held it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I said.

"_Hello Bella ducky it's Elizabeth...How are you doing? I am so sorry to call this early I hope I didn't wake you"_

"I'm fine..No I was awake how are you?"

"_I am very well thank you...Listen I need you to pop in and see me again today...I just need your confirmation that all your details on your work-pack are correct"_

"Of course that's no problem..What time would you like me to be there?"

"_We have a busy day ahead so the earlier the better as you know we don't open till twelve but if you come earlier than that then I will be here to let you in through the front entrance as usual"_

"Okay sure no problem...I will see you later then?"

"_Thank you so much Bella you're a star! See you later!"_

I handed the phone back to Edward and he flipped the top of it back down.

"So what did Miss Lizzie want so badly that it interrupted quality time with my girlfriend?" Edward remarked with a cheeky smile.

"Edward I need you to do me a favour"

"You know I would do anything for you, Bella...I meant what I said last night. What do you need?"

I smiled "I need you to give me a lift into work"

"Oh well I am sure I can do that-" Edward started he moved his arm away from the bed and placed both of his hands either side of me as well as his legs on either side of my waist...He looked down on me from above however he did not put any of his weight on me "I have one condition, though" he finished.

"What's that?" I asked

Edward kissed my lips tenderly before disconnecting us again. "I want you to have a shower with me" he whispered...I felt the surge of panic through my stomach...I admired Edward's body so much in the dark and there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to love all of him in the day...But what about me? I always believed that I looked better in the dark...I am not a perfect shape and I have a few imperfections that I am still a little insecure about even if I had shown Edward my full nude body.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Edward whispered as he stroked my upper and bottom lip with his index finger.

"I am afraid that you won't...LIKE me in the light...You know what I look like" I stammered.

"Why would you think that, Bella?"

"I know it's silly considering...You have seen me already but everything looks different in the light"

"Bella...Listen to me...I meant EVERYTHING that I said last night...As well as the fact that you are stunning...Believe me honey I would spend every hour of every day worshipping your body if you would let me do so...I still can't believe that I have been so lucky, Bella...To have you as my own"

I shivered under his genuine stare...I was stunned to silence for once...I was no longer a babbling idiot more like a stunned statue.

"Thank you" I answered him meekly. Edward kissed me with fervour again before I broke away from his lips to speak "I need my towels" I finished.

"No you don't I have two spare ones in my bathroom" He answered...I rolled my eyes...Before I could say anything else he had hopped from the bed and stood beside me I looked down at him and looked back up.

"How come you get to wear boxers and I have to be naked?!" I exclaimed as he smiled.

"I couldn't very well get the mail in my birthday suit now could I, Bella?" he replied...He grabbed my shoulders underneath my armpits and pulled me out of the duvet and into his hold in one swift movement..I wrapped my legs around him as he walked me into the bathroom.

"Do you mind?" he asked keeping his gaze on me...I knew what he wanted me to do...I lifted my legs higher and hooked my toes around the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down to his knees...Edward lifted me out in front of him so my legs fell from his waist..I felt like a toddler in that moment as I pushed the boxers down to his calves which he then let me go completely and kicked them off himself..I turned to face the shower...Edward wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Is it wrong to love it when you do that?" he whispered...I smiled.

"As long as you don't make it a habit" I teased in reply.

"You are going to be the death of me Isabella...However I would die a happy man considering that your last remark hurt my ego"

"So sorry Mr Cullen" I giggled as he reached over me to open the shower door...I walked in with his grasp on me and he closed the door behind him...He turned the handle on with one arm still keeping hold on my waist...I flinched as the cold water hit me but then it began to warm slowly...I turned to face Edward.

"So...What are two people to do in a big shower...Oh and by the way how do you get to have a SEAT in here!" I exclaimed pointing at the seat at the far end of the shower.

"Well technically it is a stall and I get one because...Well...I'm me!" he teased...I rolled my eyes. "We can do whatever you want to do, Bella" he finished and I bit down on my lip.

"I don't think it would be fair to leave the water running for too long" I admitted.

"That's true however...I might want to love you again...Call it seconds"

"I don't think so"

"And...Why ever not?"

"Because...It takes two to tango and maybe I am all loved-out after last night...Have you ever considered that?"

I can't believe I was behaving like this...I had never flirted because no one had ever gave me the attention to do so in the first place...Sometimes I surprised myself however it was all Edward...It would only EVER be Edward.

"No I am afraid I haven't...I am a selfish person"

"That's not a very good trait in a person"

"Bella...When you fall in love with someone you love EVERYTHING about them...Like I adore everything about you" he finished...I melted then...I would have to work on my self-control if I was going to get anywhere or anything done in my life.

"That's true" I smiled and Edward caressed my mouth with his...I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and leant into him.

"I love you" he said against my mouth

"I love you too" I breathed in reply my desire taking over me again.

"Good" he said as he moved down to my neck he stopped his kisses suddenly and lifted his head "I'm sorry..We will have to wait until tonight, love...I don't have any protection left" he said pulling away from me.

"Oh that's okay" I said a little disappointed however I was glad that he had noticed that because I was ready to go into it without wearing anything and I may have ended up like Alice.

PHEW!

*~Rosalie~*

I was so pissed at Emmett...He hadn't yet given me an explanation as to why he had left me numerous times in the week to go and 'sort something out'.

I stuffed the rest of his clothes in a bag angrily...I had cleared my room of all his stuff and if he was not prepared to want to be with me then he can stay at his house on his own and see how he likes it. I had taken the opportunity to do this whilst he was getting changed in the bathroom...He took the longest out of the both of us to get ready but I would need to get his stuff out of the bathroom too. I was about to put away the last thing of his in my wardrobe which was a baseball cap he got free at a game a year ago but had never worn again when the bathroom door opened.

"Rose what the hell are you doing?!" he said glancing at his bag on his bed and then back at me.

"You want someone else...You go and find someone else"! I yelled throwing the cap into his bag and leaving the room.

I got to the stairs.

"ROSE, wait!" Emmett called and I stopped sighing deeply.

"What do you want, Emmett...You made a choice and I am alright with that I just don't want to watch you go" I said descending the first step...Emmett had sprinted over and grabbed my shoulders before I even got to the second step. "Emmett...Let go of me!" I shouted as he gripped around my chest and pulled me back in the room. He put me down forcefully on the ground and closed the door behind him.

"Let me go, Emmett" I said to him through threatening tears.

"You won't even at least allow me to explain?"

"No...You had numerous chances to explain...I don't want to hear it!"

"So it's okay for YOU to not explain why my stuff is packed but it's not alright for me to explain anything?!"

"Don't you dare make this about ME, Emmett don't even go there...To think that I thought there wasn't going to be ANYONE else out there for me!" I turned away from him and covered my face in my hands...I was so angry that I wanted to cry however I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset.

"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?" Emmett exclaimed...I growled loudly.

"It means that maybe it's best if we did finish this...You could have said sooner that you didn't want me, Emmett and true I would have been upset but eventually I would have understood"

"I am not going to leave you, Rose"

"Well I think it's best if you did" I shot back...Emmett closed the space between us and grabbed me by the shoulders...My back hit one of the walls of my bedroom hard. "Emmett...Leave me alone!"

"No" he said intently

"What are you going to do...Hit me? Make me bleed? Go for it, Emmett...I have had a whole lot worse before" I spat.

"Rose"

"EMMETT FOR THE LAST TIME WOULD YOU JUST GO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs...Emmett crashed his lips down on mine hard and I struggled as hard as I could to get away from him...I managed to pull his mouth off of mine...We struggled hard against each other for a minute.

"Rose just STOP!" Emmett yelled...I shut my mouth when I saw the anger in his eyes. "That's better" he finished...I huffed and looked down at the floor. "I had this all prepared for another time, Rose but seeing as I will lose you if I do not say it then...Here it goes"

"I don't need a guilty confession from you" I stated firmly.

"THE REASON WHY I WENT TO TOWN WAS BECAUSE I WAS BUYING YOU A FUCKING RING...AN ENGAGEMENT RING...THERE IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FOR A CONFESSION?"

I stood motionless...Oh my god what have I done?

"I love you, Rose...I love everything about you...You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" Emmett said in a quieter voice...I was still amazed...I released the tears from my eyes. "Here" Emmett pulled out something from his pocket...It was a white velvet box..Before I could say anything he lifted the lid and there it was...The most beautiful ring I had ever seen with my birthstone in the middle...I let out a gasp and looked up at Emmett my mouth still hanging open.

"Will you marry me, Rose?" I didn't need to think about anything...I knew my answer already.

"Yes-" I breathed out as he smiled and put the ring on my finger "oh god, yes" I sighed wrapping my arms around his shoulders and attacking his lips.

I felt like a bitch...I felt so guilty that I knew I would have some major making up to do. Emmett moaned in my mouth as he wound his fingers in my hair...I pushed us both away from the floor and pushed him over so he landed on the bed...He just narrowly missed the bag..he pushed it off of the bed as I landed with him landing on top of him feeling his erection pressing on my thigh.

"I'm sorry" I whispered against his lips..I licked along his bottom and top lip as I began unbuttoning his shirt tearing it from his body as all the buttons were undone. I relished his mouth again as I did quick work with his belt buckle and threw it behind me and I then pulled down his trousers only to half-way...I didn't need to have him completely naked anyway.

I stood up and pulled off my pyjama top..Luckily I don't wear a bra in bed...I undid the bow on my pyjama bottoms and pulled them down along with my panties and then walked back over to him...He lay there in awe breathing heavily as I put my knees either side of his waist...I was about to lower myself onto him when he grabbed me by the skin at my waist.

"Rose..I don't have any-"he started but I shut him up with my lips as I caressed our tongues together as deeply as I could.

"I am on the pill...I need all of you, Emmett" I whispered to him against his mouth he shuddered...I loved having this affect on him.

"I love you so damn much" he breathed his voice low indicating his desire...I smiled against his lips.

"I love you too baby...I am sorry I am such a bitch sometimes...However I can't wait to be your wife" I replied...A loud growl came from Emmett's chest as I moved my body back up and lowered myself on him both of us moaning in satisfaction when we were connected fully.

I put my hands behind my head and rode him going as deeply and as passionately as I could...I normally love to ride Emmett cow-girl style when we simply fuck each other...The hard and fast way but now I wanted to do it slow considering my behaviour I owed him that much.

It didn't take long for Emmett's stomach muscles to clench in front of me and I was beginning to subside myself...I quickened my pace sweat starting to bead my skin and as soon as Emmett filled me I let go too...My knees ached but I didn't care...I rode out both of our orgasms and stopped my movements completely. Emmett lifted himself up so that he was sitting on his bottom..He put his hands on my ass and kissed me passionately...I melted into him.

This was far from over...However I was soon-to-be Mrs Emmett Cullen.

Nothing felt better!

*~Bella~*

Once Edward and I had finished breakfast and washed up he turned to face me as I stood up from the kitchen chair.

"I need to go and collect a few things before I take you into work my love...I will be back soon, though" he assured me and I smiled taking both his hands in mine.

"Okay...I will wait for you here, then" I replied.

"I love you" Edward said

"I love you too" I replied...Edward pecked me lightly on the lips and grabbed his coat before walking out of the door...I looked around the empty kitchen and when Edward's car had roared into the distance I say myself down on one of the sofas.

I embraced the silence in the house...I had no idea where everyone else was as I hadn't seen them since last night...I closed my eyes and allowed the birdsong outside to soothe me if I were to fall asleep then I am sure Edward would come and wake me up...Hopefully in the same way he had done this morning.

I jumped out of my skin when I heard the front door open...Alice walked in and closed the door behind her...I got up from the sofa.

"Would you care to explain where you went last night? Actually no...Don't answer that...Sex is written all over your face you might as well have a billboard above your head with a flashing arrow pointing down"!

"Hi Alice...It's nice to see you too" I replied with a smile.

"Come on missy...I want details!" Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa completely so that I was standing.

"What do you want to know?" I said awkwardly.

"Spare the graphic details...But was it good?" she asked with a mischievous smile.

"It was amazing" I gushed out as Alice squealed...She opened her mouth to saying something else when her hand shot to her stomach as her upper body instantly crouched over.

"Alice?" I asked her alarmed..She sank to the floor clutching her hands around her stomach "oh shit, Alice..Where's your phone?" I said thinking of the first thing that came into my head.

"My bag" she choked out and I rushed over to the front door diving into her bag and grabbing the phone...I dialled 911 and asked for an ambulance...I was so frantic I could barely speak...I hung up the phone walked back over to Alice and held one of her hands as my other hand was still holding the phone.

"Alice...It's okay there is an ambulance coming" I said trying to reassure her..Her breathing was aspirated and I had no idea about how to make her feel better. I looked at the phone and dialled Esme's number.

"_Hello?"_

"Esme...It's Bella you have to meet me at Forks Hospital as soon as you can...It's Alice"

"_Don't worry, Bella we are on our way now"_

I hung up and stayed with Alice until the ambulance came...I no longer wanted to go into work and I am sure Elizabeth would understand once I explained everything...I needed to help Alice because she sure as hell could not so this by herself.

Everything went by in a blur...The ambulance trip the entrance to the hospital..Alice's examination I swear my body had turned on to auto-pilot and yet my brain wasn't able to register anything. All I could diminish was that we were in a hospital room that was it...I had no clue about anything else we were going to do or what the doctors had said...It sure was a good way to be helpful!!

Some minutes later the doctor whose name I did remember as Doctor Williams came into the room...I grasped Alice's hand as she lay on the hospital bed...Tears were falling from her face as she looked up at me through her broken eyes.

"Ok Alice are you ready to go into the birthing ward...We need to act quickly if we are to save the baby" Dr Williams said from the foot of the bed.

"I don't think I can do this, Bella" Alice choked out...I stroked her clammy head lovingly.

"You listen to me, Alice...You can do this...You will do this because your baby deserves to see what wonderful parents it will have...Stay strong for your unborn child, Alice...If no one else" I replied in a stern voice trying to keep my voice steady from my sobs .

"Will you come with me, Bella...I need you...Jasper is no good in these kinds of situations he is easily panicked"

I looked over at the doctor who was studying the two of us. "Is it okay if I go with her...She needs me and I don't want to leave her?" I asked him slowly...He looked hesitant.

"Are you family?" He asked...I had forgotten to disclose who I really was when Alice first came into the hospital..Mostly due to the panic rushing through my system.

"I am her sister" I replied.

"Of course...We will provide you will suitable attire...Are you ready?" he asked analysing us again...I looked down at Alice.

"You ready to meet your future child, Alice?" I asked her soothingly trying to smile but failing miserably..I could feel my lips quivering now..I was so scared for her...I couldn't bear it if she lost her child now.

"Stay with me, Bella" Alice breathed as she grasped my hand tighter.

"I won't ever leave you, Alice" I answered..She gasped as two fresh tears came out of her eyes...I looked back at the doctor again and nodded.

Without another word two nurses came in that were waiting outside...One of them handed me a dark green jacket and I quickly let go of Alice's hand to throw it over my shoulders...I grasped Alice's hand as she was wheeled out of her room with me walking along beside her...I didn't loosen my grip on her hand until we got to the birthing room...Alice was gasping as her contractions got stronger and I felt helpless that there was nothing I could do to make her feel any better...The nurses wheeled Alice into position and put down the brakes...I used the sleeve of the jacket to wipe Alice's head. I had never seen Alice cry before and in all honesty it broke my heart...Someone as happy and enthusiastic as she is about her life should never be put through pain like this even if her and Jasper did decide together to go through with it.

"Okay Alice are you ready to start pushing?" Dr Williams said as he grabbed each of her legs and gently put them in the stirrups either side of them. He then took his place down the other end and sat down where the two nurses who wheeled Alice in stood beside him as his first and second hands...Butterflies began to soar in my stomach...I had never imagined I would be a part of a child's birth especially not one that belonged to my adopted sister..It was all surreal but I was sure that I wasn't in a dream. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over at Alice who had nodded meekly through painful gasps and erratic breathing...I hope she got through this...I really hoped she did.

"When your next contraction comes I need you to push hard" The doctor informed her as she nodded again...I held her hand tighter as she looked over at me.

"I love you, Bella" she said with tears falling down her face...Mine had broken free uncontrollably ...I leant down and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Alice..You can do this...We will do this together" I stated even though I was terrified underneath my exterior..I needed to be strong for Alice.

Alice let out a huge wail when I had taken my lips of her head...I gripped her hand hard as indication that she could do this...Alice face was scrunched up and she was already going red in the face before she let go of her first push...She fell back on the bed when it was over.

"Good, Alice that's good" The doctor remarked as he fiddled around down her lower body with various equipment...I kept my vision on Alice.

Alice pushed again this one lasting a lot longer...There were words of encouragement from each of the nurses as she did so...This all looked so painful a lot more painful than I could ever have imagined it would be...Alice fell back again and tilted her head around slowly to look at me.

"I feel so weak, Bella...I can't...I can't" she stammered...I wrapped my free arm around her shoulders and leant my forehead on hers.

"You can..Alice...I know you can..It will be over soon sweetie..I promise" I choked out in reply...The tears really falling from my face at this point.

Before I could register anything else...Alice had pushed hard for the third time...I broke my contact from her...My hand was now throbbing from where she was clasping down hard on it but I didn't care...I wanted her to get through this too badly.

"I can see the head now, Alice...One final push...It will be a long one you can do it" The doctor said from underneath her legs.

"One more, Alice...One more that's all" I repeated to her as she bit down hard on her lip and nodded once.

The final push was the most heart-wrenching to watch...Alice was truly red and sweaty as she fell back hard on the bed and instantly closed her eyes...The sound of her baby crying was now the only thing filling the room as I kissed her on the forehead...I was overwhelmed by her strength because as an onlooker it looked like something that was so difficult to have to go through and I admired her for it.

The nurse took the baby in her arms and placed it on a small table at the side of the room...I didn't look at was she was doing because I honestly did not have a clue about how birthing works even though I had just been through it with Alice...I dabbed Alice's shoulder with my sleep and smiled at her soothing any nerves she may have about the health of her baby.

"Nurse Cason...Place the child in the ward...I am sorry Miss Swan but there is a problem" I looked at Alice who still had her eyes closed...There was the panic in my stomach again...The nurse carried the baby out of the room completely as the doors shut behind her.

"What do you mean?!" I exclaimed at the doctor.

"I am afraid you will have to leave Miss Swan...Nurse Cooke could you show her out please?" Doctor Williams wasn't looking at me...The Nurse had already come over and taken my arm.

"Come on, dear" she said but I refused to let go of her hand.

"No I need to be with my sister...I said I wouldn't leave her!" I shouted back.

"The doctor needs to analyse Miss Cullen's condition...Come on we cannot have any people who are not medical staff in here at this moment in time..We need you to wait in the waiting room" the nurse answered. I was so very tempted to blow off some anger because they hadn't told me exactly what was wrong but I didn't want to make a scene either...I kissed Alice's hand before releasing it and walking out with the nurse...I looked back at Alice who was still motionless on her bed.

I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity..So many thoughts were going around in my head and I couldn't allow myself to calm down..I had began to shake uncontrollably and I was still shedding silent tears...I put my face in my hands in an attempt to try and soothe myself.

"Miss Swan?" I looked up from my hands to see Doctor Williams look back at me...I stood up instantly.

"How is Alice?" I asked him my voice breaking.

"I am so very sorry Miss Swan...Miss Cullen...Alice suffered from a considerable amount of bleeding from her womb as a result of the extent of her contractions..Therefore causing an extensive amount of internal and external bleeding..We were not aware of this until she had successfully given birth to her child... I am so very sorry to say that we were unable to revive her"

_Oh no....No...No....Please don't make him say what I think he was saying....Please!_

"Miss Cullen passed away about five minutes ago" The doctor finished...I stood there dauntless unable to move or think or do anything.

"Bella?" I turned my head very slowly my mouth still open to find Esme, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie all standing there with anticipation on their faces. I took one look at my family and back down at the floor before I could finally find some movement in my body...I ran as fast as I could past my family and out of the hospital altogether the sobs escaping from my body at an alarming rate..Once I was outside I tore the jacket off of my shoulders...The rain was coming down heavily but I couldn't bring myself to care...I ran further away from the smell and the bright lights and into the woodlands opposite...I didn't know where I was going...I couldn't function myself to stop I just kept going...I scratched my ankles and legs a good few times as I began to get incredibly soaked...I trudged through the soaked and muddy grass long enough to get to a clearing...A meadow of some sort although I couldn't be sure because my tears had once again affected my vision. I paced into the centre the rain showering me harder...I fell to my knees and the sobs violently escaped me..There was a weight on my body that I couldn't seem to shift I put my arms out in front of me and trailed my hands along the mud of the meadow...Allowing me to dig my nails hard into something soft.

_Alice...Oh Alice, no!! _

_First my mum and now my sister..._All I could picture was Alice and Jasper's face as they both stroked her tummy...The passionate embrace they had last night...They would never be able to embrace each other again. I continued to sob hard the affects of the rain and the pain in my abdomen making things harder.

I couldn't move and I didn't move until everything went black.

*~Esme~*

After I had seen Bella run out I immediately felt panic and worry...I turned to the doctor.

"Where's my daughter?" I asked him in a stern voice trying to control the inner anger that had suddenly taken me over.

"I am sorry Mrs Cullen-" the Doctor started...I wasn't having any of it however...I had no time for excuses I needed to see my Alice...I blazed through the double doors and saw a couple of nurses over Alice. They turned to look at me and both walked out instantly without saying a thing...It's funny how you always depended on doctors and nurses but they could sometimes be so stupid for their own good..Everyone except my Carlisle he truly was the best.

I walked over to Alice and saw that her eyes were closed...I touched her forehead.

"Alice my darling...It's me, mom" I whispered to her...Alice was motionless. "Alice?" I called her again but still no answer...I touched the base of her neck and..._Oh my god no pulse._

I grabbed both her shoulders and shook her "Alice come on wake up, it's mommy...It's going to be okay..Alice?" I could feel my voice breaking...She can't be dead...She can't be!!

"Alice?!" I shouted now at the top of my lungs but she still didn't wake up..I looked over at Jasper who had come in along with the doctor.

"Is there anything else you can do...My daughter can't be dead!" I shouted at the doctor...My beautiful can't be dead..I refused to believe it.

"No Mrs Cullen" the doctor answered biting down on his lip...I looked at Jasper who had began to cry hard about the same rate as my own tears....I wanted to comfort him but I didn't want to leave my Alice..She had to wake up. I glanced back down at Alice. "Alice for god sake..Wake up PLEASE?" I wailed the sobs really breaking through me now.

"Mrs Cullen-" the doctor started...I cowered my body as a violent sob broke my body...I grabbed Alice's shoulders harder.

"No...My BABY!" I wailed...I put my head on Alice's and let the tears fall....I couldn't see anyone else but my daughter beneath me.

My world had officially come crashing down.

*~Edward~*

I had been lucky to receive a call from Rosalie just as I had come back in the house to get Bella. All thoughts of surprising everyone went out the window as I had gone to get ingredients to make us all a family dinner for tonight. When I heard Rosalie's panicked voice from the end of the phone...She said that I was needed at the hospital and that I should call Carlisle at work to say that he was also needed. She had also confirmed that Bella was already there. I had rung Carlisle briefly to say that we were both needed at the hospital and it didn't take me long to realise that Alice might have been the one getting treatment there of some sort..How could that be when she had over two months left of her pregnancy? Unless she had to deliver prematurely which I had heard about before with childbirth.

I had never driven so fast in my life...I was surprised that I wasn't stopped by the police due to the extent of my speed but panic had overcome me and all I could think about was getting to the hospital..I pulled up my car in a space and climbed out frantically ignoring the falling rain as I approached the entrance I saw Rosalie standing there with her arms wrapped around herself.

"Rose..What is it..What's happened?"

"Did you ring Carlisle?"

"Yes...Rose what is this about?" I was standing in front of her...The sight of her red, watery eyes alarmed me more now and I couldn't contain it in my voice.

"I am so sorry, Edward" Rosalie said her voice breaking.

"Rose for God sake just tell me what's wrong!" I exclaimed..She flinched a little at my words.

"It's Alice...She gave birth but..She didn't make it" Rose answered meekly

I registered her words and scoffed "Rose if this is some kind of joke-" I started

"No it's not..She's dead. Edward" Rose answered tears falling from her eyes. I stumbled back and put my hands on my face..._Oh god no not my sister_..I didn't care that my tears had broken free from my body...Not Alice anyone but my sister. I turned away from Rose and crouched my body slightly as I pushed my head further into my hands...A sob broke through my body.

I registered quickly that everyone else would be here...If I was going to cry then it would be inside and away from anyone else's prying eyes into our business..I took a large breath in and turned back around and began walking up the stairs...Rose stopped me by placing her hand on my arm.

"Edward...There is something else...Bella ran out of here and no one else knows where she is" she stated..._Oh not my Bella._

"Do you have any clue where she went, Rose?" I asked her..She pointed at the woodland behind us.

"That would be my first guess" she said simply..I looked at the woodland before turning back round to her.

"Will you wait here for dad...I need to go and find her" I stated..Rose nodded and I turned around and ran as fast as I could into the woodland...The mud sinking my feet...I ran even though I had no idea where she would go or where she would be...I just needed to find her. I successfully got through the trees when I reached an open space...I looked at both sides and saw nothing...I looked ahead and saw her.

Bella_ my beautiful amazing Bella, _was lying face down in the mud soaked to the skin by the rain..She was motionless..I sprinted towards her and knelt beside her head..I pushed her shoulder with one hand to turn her body around so her face was facing upwards to the cloudy sky above us...Her face was slightly covered in mud her eyes red from crying...I frantically pulled at the sleeves of my coat and moved my body to the back of her head so I could balance her upright...I wrapped the coat around her and lifted her torso up with me to standing..She wasn't heavy but due to the wetness of the mud beneath me I was finding it difficult...I managed to get her standing properly even though she was wobbling under her weight...I wrapped one of her arms around my shoulders and pulled her up in my arms...I walked back through the woodland..My thoughts filled of both my sisters...I couldn't cry at the moment..I needed to be strong for Bella.

Rose was still standing at the entrance when she caught sight of me and Bella lying in my arms...My shirt and the top of my trousers were soaked through and so was the majority of my coat but I didn't care.

"Rose..Get a doctor!" I shouted...She must have heard me as she rushed inside of the hospital...With some difficulty I climbed the steps and opened the door taking one arm from underneath Bella as I did so...I walked in receiving some stares from people in the waiting room...I looked to the left and saw Rose and a nurse running towards us.

"Bring her this way" the nurse said as I followed.

God knows where we ended up..All I was concerned about was placing Bella on the bed...I lay her down gently on the bed and looked over at the nurse.

"Right...Someone will need to change her out of those clothes" the nurse said.

"I will do it...You go and see your family, Edward" Rose replied instantly..I was grateful that she was there even if she did look like she had been shot in the stomach. I kissed her on the cheek before running out of the room..I knew where the maternity department was as I had seen a sign briefly pointing towards it when I came in...I was exhausted from carrying Bella all that way but I wanted to see my family now...I didn't care if I had to crawl.

I went through a few double doors and saw Emmett sitting outside a room with another double door...He had his head in his hands...I walked over to him and stood above him..He lifted his head gradually. I had only seen Emmett cry once when we were kids and I remember then that I individually had felt sad seeing him cry even though I hadn't done the wrong. Emmett stood up and said nothing as he put his arms around me.

I didn't know whether it was the fact that he was hugging me or whether I was already emotionally drained about Bella but once I felt Emmett's warm shoulder on mine...My sobs escaped and the tears had fallen once again..I was silently relieved that I could let them go but I desperately needed and wanted Alice...The fact that I was never going to see her smile or moan about her winding me up again broke me in half.

I didn't know how long I was hugging Emmett for but due to the fact that his body was also shaking meant that he had also let some tears go in the hold. I embraced the moment once my sobs had subsided I hugged Emmett tighter when I found feeling back in my body.

"Where's mom?" I asked him in a whisper

"She's through there...I can't bring myself to see her, Edward...At least not yet" Emmett choked in reply.

"Will you be alright out here for a moment whilst I go and see her?"

Emmett released me and nodded..."Where is Rose?"

"She's with Bella...Bella is unconscious I found her lying in the woodland outside" I explained.

"Oh, shit" Emmett answered his voice choking.

"It's unlikely but if she wakes up could you tell her that I love her and that I will be there soon?"

"Sure, buddy" Emmett answered.

"Ask a nurse where she has been admitted because I didn't look...Too worried about her"

"I understand, mate...See you soon" Emmett said and he walked away through the double doors...I had a lot of appreciation for my older brother in that moment. I took another deep breath in before walking through the double doors.

My mom was sitting on a chair beside Alice holding her hand...There was no one else in the room but the two main women I cared about in my life aside from Bella. Mom didn't turn so I walked towards her instead and placed both my hands on her shoulders.

Mom turned and exhaled "Edward, thank god you're here!" Mom exclaimed as she leant her head against my chest...I kissed her on the forehead...I didn't know what to do about all of this...It just didn't seem real.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked her in a whisper.

"He went to see the baby...I insisted he go as it was only right that the baby at least see one of his parents-" my mum trailed off her voice breaking..I took my hands off her shoulders and wrapped them around her chest and tightened my hold.

I had so much more I wanted to ask but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"Edward?" I turned and saw dad looking at us...I let go of mum and walked over to him.

"I will ask you how it all happened but for now..Mom needs you" I said..He nodded biting his lip to prevent his own tears..I walked out of the doors but stopped to look in the small windows as the doors stilled.

I saw dad hug my mom as she cried hard however I couldn't hear her sobs...My dad was crying too and I put one hand on the window for my parents but also for my sister..I loved them so much and I knew that life was never going to be the same again.

I would see Alice a bit later on but now she needed to be with HER parents...Her biological parents anyway...It broke me to know that also Esme and Carlisle had lost their ONLY daughter and even though Emmett and I were their sons we were not tied by blood.

I wondered whether our family will EVER be the same again.

*~Jasper~*

"Mr Hale...Here is your son" A nurse said as she led me towards an incubator...There were others but I was too upset to look I needed to see my child.

I looked down through the glass and saw him...He had blonde hair like mine but he had Alice's eyes...A mixture of both of us.

"He is doing extremely well considering he is premature. The incubator is just to keep him warm...There is a small hole there which you can put your hand through if you wish to do so"

"Thank you" I answered quietly to the nurse...She walked away from me and I hesitated before putting my finger through the hole.

I saw my baby's eyes glance up at my finger...I lowered my finger to stroke along his stomach very lightly and then the moment I stopped my finger my son touched my finger lightly with his own tiny hand.

"Hello Danny...It's your dad" I whispered into the incubator...I looked away then and shed more tears.

I just didn't know what to do...I don't know what I would do without my Alice.

*~Bella~*

There was a faint beeping noise in my ears as I slowly opened my eyes...I squinted under the bright light above my head..I felt something on my hand as I slowly looked to the side of me.

Edward was lying on my hand breathing deeply...I found the strength to move my other hand over to touch his hair...He jumped instantly and took his head off the bed...I smiled at him reality coming back to me as tears filled my eyes.

"Bella?" he asked me as he clutched my hand tighter ... I attempted a small smile through my clouded eyes I saw him briefly lean towards me from the chair.

"Oh my god, Bella...Don't do that to me again" he said before he passionately connected out lips...This wasn't like any other kiss that we shared there was a longing there and a sense of relief..I needed him too and I responded to try and tell him that..Our mouths moved together as if they had spent years apart..We were both savouring ever crook and every gap in our mouths as if we were reciting them from memory...The tears continued to fall from my face both out of sadness and relief.

Edward moved his mouth to my forehead from my lips...I gripped both his shoulder as hard as I could even though I was feeling very weak...I needed him to stay with me...I needed him in my arms...I needed to cry over my amazing sister snatched away from the world so cruelly.

(Later)

After Edward had made a promise to come back and see me tomorrow..He had gone and I was left unable to close my eyes and sleep because of the frantic feelings and thoughts that had bombarded my mind...Everything was quiet.

I climbed slowly off of the bed feeling a little stronger than when I had woken up but not as much as I usually did...Once I was standing I breathed in and out to prevent me from stumbling...I saw my shoes at the corner of the room on the radiator..I felt them and was relieved to see that they were dry..I popped them onto my feet and walked out of the room.

There was a few people in the waiting room but not as many as there had been when I had first come here with Alice. I walked down the main corridor near the entrance and saw a sign for a ward where the premature babies were kept...I didn't look at the exact name of it I had already continued to walk down the way it was pointing.

I got to a reception area but found it empty..There were glass windows showing all the sleeping babies in incubators...I saw Jasper over the far end with his back to me...I looked around to make sure that no one could see me before walking in..I saw a hook which had the same green jackets hanging up...I took one and put it around myself and walked towards the back of Jasper's head...I saw the baby in the incubator and my eyes had already started to fill up again.

I tapped Jasper on the shoulder and he turned.

"Bella...You shouldn't be here you need to rest" Jasper exclaimed.

"I couldn't sleep" I choked out "So...You have a son?" I exclaimed.

"Yes...Our little Danny boy" Jasper choked out...He bit down on his lip but his face scrunched up as his tears began to fall...My own face scrunched together and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he rested his head in my chest....He had begun to sob now and I let out a few silent ones myself needing to release more emotion...I have never in my life cried so much.

"I loved her so much, Bella" He choked out through his tears...I rocked him slightly from side to side "I just don't know what I am going to do" he finished.

I couldn't say anything...I just let Jasper cry and I allowed myself the opportunity to cry too.

There was nothing else now...I just knew deep down inside that nothing will ever be the same again...I loved my sister and I missed her so much already that it ached.

I wish she could have seen her son...She would have made a fantastic mother to him...Now, Jasper and their son were to face the world alone.

It broke my heart.

**Holy Jesus am I in tears!! I am SO sorry I do not know anything about childbirth or whether dying from bleeding actually CAN happen...I just looked under direct maternal death and made up an idea of my own....I am not old enough for children yet and I am sorry if I have mucked things up in the medical side of things...I failed my academics in science so..It was doomed to be something that I found difficult when writing this chapter.**

**I struggled SO much with this chapter and there have been times when I have cried in previous chapters of AML but this is the WORST to date.**

**Please review my lovelies and tell me what you think...I am sorry if I have mucked everything up I just needed to get the plot down but I may have gone the wrong way about it.**

**Thanks for reading**

**.S.**

**x**

***Runs and hides*!**


	35. Escaping

**Aww guys I am SORRY for doing what I did but I HAD to do it...I have had it planned from chapter one also as much as I love a happy ending...There are a bigger amount of people who suffer in their lives than run off into the sunset...I believe that happiness comes to you in your own fate and it happens when you least expect it.**

**So yeah there are my reasons behind doing that...Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter...I should have really warned you that you may need tissues.**

**THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS...I CAN'T LIST YOU ALL BECAUSE MY INTERNET HAS GONE FUNNY **** but I love you all and the support you have given me throughout this poorly written story lol.**

**This is the beginning of what I would like to call 'Bella's spiral' I have never taken death very well in my OWN life and so she is going to turn into me for a while now...I am sorry no fluff at the moment...I need to have a chapter where I explore different areas of grief and so I am going to go straight to the funeral in this chapter...Tissues may be needed once again.**

**I do not own Twilight...I own AML.**

**Songs for this chapter: 'Fields of gold – Eva Cassidy**

**My Immortal – Evanescence**

**I'll remember you – No Secrets**

**Will you be there? – Michael Jackson**

**Will you remember me? – Sarah McLaughlin.**

*~Bella~*

(2 weeks later)

It had been a dark couple of weeks...I had done nothing but lay on my bed and cry useless tears and the only time I had got up was when I had needed to go to the toilet or to have a shower...I was chained to my bed and my pillow was a small comfort for my heavy body. I had said probably about 5 words since I had come back home from the hospital a week ago....None of us knew what to say and none of us would dare to mention Alice because it would cause too much emotion. Edward had been popping in every now and then giving me his hand as a soothing gesture...I always pushed him away both physically and mentally because I couldn't bare having him touch me when I felt so bad about myself...I hated the fact that I could do nothing to keep Alice alive and I hated that she had to be the one to die when it could have been me.

If there was a sodding GOD then how can he have let Alice die? All-knowing, all-good? If you ask me it is all bullshit...I don't think I want to believe in someone that has the decency to make a deserving, promising girl like Alice leave the world...It didn't make sense...Nothing did.

Why not take me?! I don't have as much to live for as Alice did...She had a family of her own, a future happy marriage and considering how my life has gone I wouldn't be surprised if death stared me in the face today...Or even tomorrow if that's the case.

I just wasn't able to bring myself to get up or do anything...I was so upset and I cry all the time and I just don't know what I am supposed to do anymore.

"Bella?" I heard Rose whisper to me but I didn't hear my bedroom door open or close..That's if she was IN my room at all. I said nothing...I have no energy to speak just to think about how cruel the world we live in is.

"Bella, look you really must eat something...-" Rose started I clenched my stomach hard to try and put a lid on my anger and possible outburst..Why the hell would I care about eating?

The bed sank a little and my body automatically moved along with it I took that as an indication that Rose was in fact in my room and she was no doubt going to make this situation a whole lot harder...Go on Rose shout at me...Nothing can be any worse than this.

"Look...You are not the only one hurting, Bella...There was nothing that any of us could have done...You need to snap out of this" I could hear the concern and sadness in Rose's voice but I couldn't bring myself to say sorry and how I was clearly a disgrace to the family unit...I could never BE another Alice...I didn't want to be another ALICE...I am not connected to Carlisle or Esme by blood and they have lost the only person that was...I can never live up to being a good sister like she was..I wouldn't know how.

"Bella for god sake say something?!" Rose exclaimed...I felt the anger inside me...However what good would it do to have a go at Rose.

"What do you want me to say?" I muffled into the pillow...My throat hurt from all the crying I had done..Is it possible to go and hide forever in a cave or someplace where NO ONE ever goes?

"The fact that you just spoke makes a start..What is this I hear about you not touching Edward?"

What the hell...! Jesus this was going to be a long morning...Actually I didn't know what time of the day it was...It didn't really matter.

"Sorry if sex is not on my agenda, Rose" I said in reply.

"Oh god that is not what I meant and you know it, Bella...He is scared to say anything to you is that really what you want?!"

"I want to hide...I want to be in here like this"

"How about spending time in the arms of your loving boyfriend? He needs you right now, Bella and I know that you need him too...You're just too low in self-pity to realise it"

"I don't...I don't want anyone"

"So you're just going to give up and live like a fucking hermit for the rest of your life...Alice wouldn't want you to be like this!"

"Alice wanted a lot of things...Now she will never have them"

"That's life, Bella...We have to stay strong for each other in times like these...It's the only way we are going to live through it"

"I don't have strength"

"Right, Bella when are you going to climb out of your lake of self-hatred and understand that your boyfriend AND your family need you...Are you that selfish that you refuse to do anything...Do you want the same fate as Alice, Bella because believe me that is what will happen you will either starve or try and kill yourself and I have been both those ways, Bella and I know how hard it is!"

"Leave me alone, Rose"

"Why...Tell me why I should go and I will leave..You know Esme and Carlisle have given you a wide berth but I am not fooled, Bella...This is a cry for help"

"What going back to Sandgrove...No fucking way I would rather kill myself"

"So you're not going to accept help from anyone...Is that it?!"

"Yeah"

"I am clearly not getting through to you...Let this be a lesson, Bella once you have decided that you want to live your life again we may not decide to help you"! The bed moved again and I heard the bedroom door bang behind me.

Everyone was upset...That's fine I could live with that...I want to go away...As far away as I can.

I had a thought then...One word came into my head...England.

Of course...I still had those two tickets...But then again I would only need one of them...I mustn't stay here...I can't stay here I will drive myself insane.

So that's what I decided to do... I would go to England and find myself again because there was no way I could do that here.

(A few days later)

"Bella?" Carlisle called me softly from the other side of the room...I was awake but I didn't want him to know that...I hadn't slept in over a fortnight because my mind wouldn't shut down. I stirred and moved my head to face him..Squinting my eyes to pretend that I had been asleep.

"Morning sweetheart, I have to let you know that it is Alice's funeral today..We will all be leaving here at ten this morning."

"Oh...Would you mind if I decided to walk? I really could use the air" I lied as convincingly as I could even though it broke my heart to do so...Carlisle had been an amazing person in my life and I couldn't say to him what I was really feeling in fear that I would have to go back and have more therapy...I have already done it once and I don't want to do it again. I would rather live my life by myself without anyone's help...It might help me learn for the future.

"Of course...Are you going to be okay by yourself though, Bella?"

"Yes...I'll be fine"

"Okay well I guess we will all see you there, then?"

"Yes" I said with a small smile...God this was hard! I watched Carlisle walk back out of my room and muttered the words 'I love you' and 'goodbye' quietly so that only I could hear them. I climbed out of bed slowly due to the stiffness of my body from being confined underneath my duvet for a while.

I walked into the bathroom and climbed into the shower...I turned the water to the coldest I could endure and washed my hair through taking extra time to lather shampoo and put conditioner in every part of it...If I was going back to England then I wouldn't be in close proximity of a shower or cleaning supplies for a while until I could find a place to crash as the Americans would say. I immediately took longer in the shower than I usually would and considering that it had already been light when Carlisle had come into my room

I hopped out and paced straight past the mirror...I had no desire to look at my reflection..I felt so awful so I knew that I also looked awful too so reflection-looking wasn't appealing. I sat down at the foot of my bed and took the towel out of my hair...Running my fingers through my hair when there was a muffled knock at my door. I watched it open and saw Edward walk through it...I grabbed the top of my towel and held it close to my chest...I had never felt self-conscious around him yet, now it was a whole other story for me.

"We are going now" He said simply...He was wearing a suit and he DID look good...Amazing actually I just wish that I could appreciate him a whole lot more right now...But I couldn't even look at my OWN self to notice him....God I hate my life!

"Okay...I will be over a little later" I said with an attempt of a convincing smile...As Edward stood there I felt his hesitancy and the way that he had forced his voice to come out steady...He was breaking inside much like me and I felt very awkward in that moment.

"I will see you later, then" he said and turned around to walk back out.

"Hey..Edward" I called him quietly...He turned back around to face me...I bit my lip "I love you" I said...I wasn't going to be seeing him again and so it would be the best time to say it now.

"I love you too" he said sincerely as he walked out and closed the door. I put my head in my hand for a moment trying to shake the fact that I was going to be breaking his heart...I needed to do this for me..I need to escape and this was the best way to do it.

I dried my hair and intentionally didn't bother with my straighteners...I put on the most comfortable clothes I could find as well as dragging my suitcase out from underneath my wardrobe..I threw my clothes on and tied my hair up in a ponytail...I was about to take all of my clothes off of hangers when I thought that I would need to call a taxi service.

I ran as fast as I could down the stairs and went into Carlisle's office...I ignored the fact that he wouldn't like me being in there on my own and saw a telephone directory on the coffee table that no one ever used...I grabbed the book in both my hands considering the weight and stumbled over to his desk...I put the book down carefully not wanting to screw up anything on his desk and opened up the page to the letter 'T'.

I had a bit of luck...Once I got to the right section of the book there was a service that had already been circled in a red pen...This must have been the ones that the Cullens' have used on a more than one-time basis.

So after few attempts of trying to speak louder into the phone so that the person on the other end could ACTUALLY hear me and I hung up Carlisle's desk phone and put the book back on the coffee table on my way out. I had half an hour before I needed to be gone.

I went at lightning speed around my room...Throwing all my clothes and wash stuff into the case as well as remembering my own phone, the tickets, my passport and Carlisle's card in cases of GREAT emergency...I wasn't going to use it all the time because he still paid for it even though I was using it...I put these three items in the pockets of my jeans. I looked around the whole area of my room and realised I had packed up everything in sight...I glanced at my bedside table...I remembered that I had forgotten to put my diary away...However I had a thought as I glanced at the closed drawer.

If I left a note trying to explain myself then it wouldn't surprise everyone when they came back...Well it was a long-shot but I couldn't leave without making a somewhat goodbye and remorse for my sudden behaviour.

I opened the drawer and took my diary out...I opened it to a free page before sitting down on my bed and taking out the pen that I always kept inside the front cover in a sleeve.

_To my AMAZING family_

_I have gone to England to shed some light on where my life is going...I have no right to say that I am doing this out of reason for myself because that is selfish...Alice's death affected me..A LOT more than I could ever realise and the fact that I wasn't able to save her has been keeping me awake for over the last two weeks. I need to do this for me..I understand if you never want to see me again after this..I would not blame you and I cannot condone my behaviour because I am so confused right now I lack proper reason and purpose for living life._

_I love you all so much..And to whoever picks up this note will you please tell Edward that I love him...I realise that I may be breaking his heart because it is breaking mine to have to go but I know I have to...I also want him to read this diary, it has been kept a secret for most of my life but now it needs to be shared with the boy I love the most in the world...Perhaps it will shed some more light on my past life and why I am the way I am._

_Please don't come after me...I need to find my own way right now._

_I love you all and I am so sorry_

_Yours..Always_

_Bella X_

I placed the finished note on top of the diary and stood up to put both of the items on the centre of my bed...I picked up my suitcase and walked down the stairs...I remembered as I put the case down and stretched my arm out that I would need cash for the cab...I went into the drawer of the little table beside the front door and saw a small amount of cash...I took it and put it in my pocket along with my other important items. I looked through the curtains and saw that my taxi was there waiting outside...I grabbed my coat that I had last worn and put it over myself I used that opportunity to look around the house one more time...I picked my case back up and opened the front door and closed it securely behind me.

This was it...I was leaving for a second time however this time I didn't think I was going to come back...Either I would CHOOSE not to come back or I wouldn't be WANTED back again.

*~Edward~*

I stood outside the church with my dad and watched everyone as they walked in...The last two weeks had been the hardest of my life...Bella had barely been in the same room with me...The saddest part was that I had an idea deep down inside that she didn't actually WANT to spend time with me...I understood considering that she had been there for Alice on the day she died but then the other selfish side of me wants her to be with me...So I could be of some comfort to her even if I didn't have to say anything. I didn't want to see her in pain...I loved her so much when I realised I loved her but now I had fallen even more in love with her if that was even possible. I just hoped that she would be here with us later on to say goodbye to Alice. There I was standing at the church surrounded by everyone else in black...Everything was so bleak and I was still emotionally aching from losing my sister she was one of the best people in my life even though I never admitted it to her when she was alive. I turned to my dad who was shaking hands with a couple of old ladies next to me.

"Dad...Can I see Alice...Before the service?" I had registered that Alice's funeral was open-casket but I didn't want to say what I needed to say to her with everyone else watching me do it.

"Yes of course, son" my dad answered me as he tapped my shoulder...I walked past all of the gathering guests and various murmurs of Alice's name. I ignored the comments and walked inside the church there were a few people who were gathered and standing between the seats in the aisle who had all shot me sympathetic looks I gave them my most convincing smile back to try and hide my pain but I could feel myself crumbling inside...God did I need my Bella.

I approached the vicar who had given me a nod in greeting.

"Can I go and see my sister?" I felt stupid asking him but he nodded and gestured me to go to the back of the church...I walked away saying nothing else to anyone and I opened the curtain when I had reached the place I wanted to be and closed it behind me as far as I could so that I wouldn't have any people peeping through the gaps at either side.

There lay my sister...She looked beautiful under the candlelight even though there was no longer any life in her face...In a strange way she looked peaceful but then how can she be peaceful when she is away from the people who love her like her family and Jasper....Not to mention her son which she will never see grow up.

I fought back the sudden tears as I went to sit in the chair next to her head...I sat down and analysed her up and down...Esme had done the right thing in choosing one of Alice's favourite outfits to wear and she had also taken the liberty of doing Alice's makeup I remember her saying that she wanted Alice's beauty to grace the heavens but with a woman with a soul like Alice's you wouldn't need to LOOK good people would love your spirit for what it is and Alice WAS loved by a lot of people.

I leant forward putting my hand over one side of the coffin and wrapping my hand on both of hers which were together on her waist.

"Hey sis...It's me" I could feel my voice breaking but if I was going to be able to cry anywhere then I would be able to in here. No one would be able to see that I was weak and that I was broken.

"So it looks like everyone is here...You know it's weird I saw some people outside who spoke to you like once and now they think that they can be ALLOWED to come to your funeral" I felt inadequate especially when Alice had always spoken back to me and now she was silent...I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath...I put my hand back on hers.

"Okay...Erm...I have no idea whether you can hear me or whether you know this doesn't mean as much to you because you aren't here-" I trailed off...I let my tears fall...I took both areas of my lips in my mouth and bit on them before letting them go a few seconds afterwards.

"Alice I never really said how much you mean to me and how much I appreciated you...I mean...You were the one person in my life that I could speak to about anything besides mom...You wound me up to no end sometimes but Alice you need to understand..I never hated you for doing that and the fact that you had so much love for us and for life makes this so much harder to cope with" I was speaking through my tears now stuttering as I was almost on the verge of breaking down completely....I wrapped my whole hand around both of hers as I pushed myself further to get the words out.

"What I am trying to say is that I love you, Alice...I always will and you will have a special in my adolescent heart as you once named it....Your son is so beautiful and he is everything we hoped...Hoped he be and we will love him, Alice and we will.....Take care of J...Jasper too...I ne...never believed...tha...that you would go....If...If you can see me....see us then could you....could...you do me one thing...could you watch over B...Bella for me...She won't talk to me...she can't stand to be near...me and I don't know what to do...I l...love her Alice and I'm lost...I n...need you here to help me...but you're not" I leant my head down on my arm and let the sobs break through.

"I love you so much, Alice and I miss you" I wailed leaving all other words behind and just letting the sobs break through and take me over...I needed to get these out...I wasn't going to cry like this where everyone could see me .

I sat with my head in my arm for a long time...Well at least it seemed that way...I was snapped out of my overwhelmed show of emotion by someone putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked up through my tear-filled eyes and saw my dad staring down at me.

"The service is starting, son" he said simply...I wiped my eyes quickly and released my hand from the coffin and stood up brushing my trousers down..My dad wrapped his arm around me and led me out to the front of the church.

Where was Bella when I needed her the most?

*~Bella~*

"Thank you...Keep the change" I said to the taxi driver handing him all of the cash I took from the Cullens'...I climbed out and took my suitcase out of the boot as I walked up to the entrance of the airport...There was no going back now...I had come this far and what was another five hours of my time?

I reached the lounge of the airport once my suitcase had been accepted and taken away...I felt naked because my hands were empty and I had nothing to carry...I saw the plane parked outside of the large glass windows..I also browsed the seating area to find that there were not many people flying back to England at all...I sat down in a row where there was no one else occupying the seats either next to me or opposite me...I didn't need to be stared down or studied like an animal in a zoo right now...

So began the torturous wait for the stewardess's to board the plane...I let my thoughts wonder once again this time to more happy times and of course the good times I had spent with Edward for the past five months of our relationship.

*~Emmett~*

I hugged mom's shoulders tightly as we stood in the graveyard...The service was amazing..So much better than I thought it would be it was also nice to see so many people who had come along to support us at this time. Dad and mom had made an amazing speech for Alice and there wasn't a dry eye in the house when they stepped down from the pedestal. I knew that mom was feeling the effects of the emotion that clouded all of us today...Her hands were lightly on my own her eyes never leaving Alice's coffin laying in the ground and the golden plaque bearing her name shining in the light. I then remembered something that I was meant to ask my dad about...I hadn't seen Bella for the service..How could she have missed it? She can't have fallen back to sleep again because Edward said that she was getting ready when he last saw her.

"Dad?" I whispered to him next to me...Trying to keep my voice down as the vicar was in the middle of the sermon.

"Yes?" he whispered back tilting his body to one side...Edward was next to him but he continued to stare down so either he hadn't heard us or he was pretending to have not heard us.

"Where's Bella?" I asked him in a whisper he frowned and looked around the small crowd gathered with us...He looked concerned more than anything...I saw him nudge Edward and the two of them began a silent conversation that I couldn't hear...I wrapped my arms tighter around my mom as her body began to rise and fall...She was shedding silent tears and sobs...I however was all cried out..I had done the majority of crying in the service but it wasn't over...I missed Alice already so badly. I looked at dad again as he leant back to me.

"Edward hasn't seen her...I don't think anyone has" he said.

The vicar finished in that moment and we had all taken the opportunity to throw our handfuls of soil to throw on Alice's grave the conversation wasn't picked up again until everyone started to go home. Dad and mom had gone to speak to the vicar and myself, Rose, Edward and Jasper were all still surrounding the grave..I had one hand in Rose's but her, Edward and I were staring at Jasper as he looked down at Alice's grave..Tears were falling down his face but he was silent. It was so hard to see him like this...I could barely stand to be here in such a private moment...I nudged Edward next to me and pointed behind me with my free hand...He understood and we walked away from Jasper as he shared his moment with Alice...We got to a tree and we all stood behind it the wind no longer blowing in our faces as we were sheltered by the tree.

"Edward...Bella isn't here...She wasn't at the service, either" I said looking at Edward he bit down on his lip.

"I never thought that she would miss Alice's funeral...It's disgusting" Rose cursed.

"Rose...She may have had her reasons" I tried to calm her but she looked like she was about to spit feathers and have steam coming out of her ear holes.

"No reason is good enough to miss this...I am going to kill her myself" Rose replied a look of pure venom on her face.

"Shut up, Rose...However angry you might be at Bella there's no reason to make a scene" Edward said..I looked at Rose who's face had began to straighten out...It was nice to see Edward defend himself and also his sister...I understood how he would feel awkward with Rose cursing at Bella when he was in love with her and was also going out with her..I would feel inadequate too if it had been Rose in Bella's shoes.

"So what do we do?" I asked Edward

"We wait until we go home...She must still be there" he answered and I nodded...Jasper was still at the gravestone. "This is awful" I added.

"Danny will be allowed out next week" Rose stated.

"I should talk to mom and dad...Maybe Jazz could stay with us for a while at least until he finds his feet being a single parent and all" Edward said.

"This world is fucking cruel!" I exclaimed rubbing a hand on my forehead.

"Is everyone ready?" We all turned around and saw mom and dad hand in hand behind us...Edward walked over to Jasper as myself and Rose turned around and walked towards mom and dad.

"Bella must be at home" I said to dad...He nodded there was a small part of me that was angry at Bella...We all found it hard to be here today but at least we were all able to say goodbye to Alice...She should have been too.

Edward came back over to us, then.

"Jasper is going to stay here for a while" he said we all nodded at him in understanding and all made our way back to the cars. Rose and I got in my jeep and Edward went in dad's car with my parents.

We all parked in the driveway and made our way into the house...I immediately released Rose's hand and ascended the stairs...I opened Bella's room without bothering to knock to find it empty...I panicked when I saw the door to her wardrobe ajar but there was no clothes in it...My gaze went to the bed and I saw a piece of paper on top of her diary...I took it and read it quickly...I ran down the stairs as fast as I could to see dad and mom look at me with concern on their faces.

"Bella's gone" I breathed out holding up the note...Rose and Edward came in from the kitchen.

"What?" Carlisle said...I handed the note to him and he and Esme skimmed it...They looked at each other when they had finished but I interrupted anything that they were about to say.

"I don't care if she doesn't want anyone going after her...I am NOT going to lose another sister"! I shouted looking over at Edward. "I'll try and bring her back" I said to him and he nodded...I could see his tears...How could Bella do this to him...To us? It was insane.

Carlisle threw me his wallet as Esme read the note again...I took out his cash and stuffed it in my pocket...Without saying anything I ran upstairs to grab my passport and my wallet before sprinting down the stairs again.

I hugged mom who was sitting on the sofa now...I shook hands with my dad.

"Try to bring her back, Emmett" he said to me and I nodded. I walked over to Edward and wrapped my arms around him to whisper in his ear.

"Stay strong" I said simply he shuddered as he let out another sob...I then grasped Rose's hand and she was fighting her own tears. I stroked her face and leaned to her ear.

"I love you so much my beautiful fiancé" I whispered...I leaned back to look at her and then kissed her passionately...I didn't know when I would be back and I would miss her a lot..She responded with her own desire but we kept our kiss short due to the prying eyes of my family.

I took my keys and ran to my jeep...I was not going to have Bella leave us now...Never mind if she didn't want to be here because of Alice but we ALL missed her...The whole world did not revolve around Bella alone and if I were to be completely honest I thought she was being incredibly selfish about how she attempted to escape her problems..ALL our problems.

I couldn't able to get Edward's face to shift out of my mind...How could she do this to HIM?! I don't know how she was able to pluck up the courage and just go like that with only a poxy note as a goodbye?!

I wasn't happy...Bella was going to know that soon enough.

I don't think I have EVER been so angry?!

*~Bella~*

I gave the smiley stewardess my boarding card...Relieved to not be waiting with only my mind to comfort me.

I got on the plane and found my seat easily of course I had a few almost run-ins with various people who had been putting their hand luggage above them. I was alone in a row of three so I took the advantage of taking the window seat so I could look out at the airport in front of me.

I fastened my seat belt and took a deep breath....I started to cry again too.

It was too late to back out now.

I just hoped my family didn't hate me...Because I SO loved them!

I also loved Alice...I missed her like hell. If only it had been me to die...I would have sacrificed myself for her ANYDAY.

*~Rosalie~*

(Later)

Esme and Carlisle had gone to bed...They had both cried so much today that it was only right that they go and get some much needed rest...I was about to go up to Emmett's room when I stopped on my way there and walked into Edward's room instead.

I found him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands...The room was dark except for the moon shining out of his window. He looked up at me the minute I closed the door behind me.

"Need a friend?" I whispered to him...He nodded at me through his tears...I walked over to him and sat down next to him causing the bed to move slightly...I wrapped my arm around Edward's shoulder and he leaned into me...I put my head on his.

"I am sorry, Edward" I said simply...What was I supposed to say?! I had never wanted to hit Bella so hard than I did at that moment...Not out of spite but she needed a reality check. She had a boyfriend who was currently crying on my shoulder because he has lost his sister but now he has also lost his girlfriend...A boyfriend who loved her and worshipped the ground she walked on and it wasn't as if she was ALONE?! She had us and if she had spoken more than just a few words since Alice died then maybe she would have known that we would have all been there to support her if she had asked for it...Bella has a problem and that was she escaped her problems instead of facing them and taking them head-on.

"I couldn't go after her, Rose...I wanted to..I still want to but I don't have the energy" Edward said threw sobs.

My heart officially broke for him...How could he still be functioning...If I were him I would have hit rock bottom a long time ago.

"I know, Edward" I soothed "You don't have to explain yourself to me...Your girlfriend is the one who needs to be explaining"

"I don't understand it, Rose...I would have been there for her if she had asked me...In a heartbeat I would have been there but she was so distant with me..All I wanted was her" Good god Edward was a genuine and honest soul..When I first met him I thought that he was immature but the moment that Bella had entered this family he had begun to change and I could only imagine that his change in attitude was all down to Bella...I had to give her credit because I was impressed at how honest Edward now was but also how he could speak to me now...Speak to me about life things not just how bad he guessed Emmett was in bed.

"Bella needs help, Edward...If it were me then I would give her a large kick up the backside" I said.

"Please don't talk badly about her, Rose...I am mad at her but it makes me feel awful when you speak about her in that way..She is my girlfriend"

"I am sorry, Edward you do have a point" I stated.

"I love her so much, Rose"

"I know...Edward believe me, I know..She is the best thing that has ever happened to you...To all of us. I just can't see why she would just leave us all like this"

"Do you think that she will come back, Rose?"

"I honestly don't know, Edward...I wish I did"

"This is gonna sound strange but can you stay with me tonight, Rose?"

"Of course I will" I said rocking him from side to side.

Edward needed someone and seeing as Emmett had gone I was the only one left.

I waited until Edward fell asleep before crashing on his floor....Not caring that I was still in my makeup and clothes.

Edward was more important right now than anything else...I couldn't have him going the same way as Bella.

Losing Alice was already hard enough to bear.

*~Emmett~*

I finally got on the plane and fastened my seat belt angrily.

God help Bella when I found her.

I couldn't lose Alice and lose HER....I would rather die first.

**Go...Emmett....GO!**

**This chapter is short and sweet because I had written it before work but when I had gone to upload it..It didn't work! ****...I just needed to have a short chapter to know where my characters were for the final part of AML.**

**I didn't describe Alice's funeral because I want everyone who reads it to picture what it might have been in your own minds...I am sure that they will ALL be amazing...Much better than my view anyway. Listening to the songs that I listened to writing this chapter will also help create any visual montages you may create of Alice's funeral.**

**I cried too much yesterday and I have had a busy day so I don't want to cry anymore lol...If you really would like me to write down my description of Alice's funeral then could you please say in a review or a PM...I need motivation.**

**I will update sometime tomorrow...Sorry if this chapter is poor in advance ****.**

**R+R my lovelies!**

**Lots of love**

**.S.**

**X x**


	36. Falling Down

**Hey Beebies!**

**I do NOT like Bella's behaviour either...This was how I USED to be with death in my life...I ran away from things and then suffered later on in the long term so it was kind of a representation on me...Don't be too angry at her she needs a MASSIVE reality check right now...Whether she stays in England permenantly to find her life is a different question altogether.**

**Thank you to 'LucasTillGirl, Dodger McClure, Miss. Ally Lautner, Raven Jadewolfe, haylee, Katie Lou Lou x and laceycrazy08' for reviewing last chapter...xXx!**

**I ALSO need to thank 'Shin Maxwell' for adding AML to her C2....Xx!**

**I do NOT own Twilight....I am playing with Ms Meyer's characters and making them my OWN in AML.**

**Songs for this chapter: 'I miss you' – Jamestown Story**

'**Going Under'- Evanescence**

'**Wish you were here' – Within Temptation**

*~Bella~*

I stirred as I felt something hard on the side of my face...I fluttered my eyes open and saw the colour brown in front of me...I lifted my head and my upper body which was also stiff due to the hardness underneath me..I looked around dazed to find myself in the church...the one I had come to during my mother's last days.

"I found you outside..I bought you in" A voice echoed through the church..I twisted my gaze to the side and saw the vicar sitting next to me "hello again, Bella" he added...I moved my legs off of the seat and put them on the floor so I was upright...I rubbed the side of my face which had a strange numb feeling flowing through my skin. "I guess I should ask you why you are here?"

I rubbed the top of my head and sighed...I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life...I guess it would be wrong to say that I missed my bed...I had made my bed now by coming here and taking the easy way out so I would need to lie in it...Live with my decision.

"A long story" I choked out my voice affected by my tiredness and pain.

"I have time" he replied and I looked over at him...I lifted one leg back up on the seat and rested my arm on it as well as resting my head in one of my hands...I looked away from him so I wouldn't blurt out too much under his stare.

"My adopted sister died...I escaped my life in America to come back here" I said frankly

"Was that the best idea?"

"No...It doesn't feel like it...But I made a choice and I was a coward" I said sadly...I knew that what I had done was the worst thing I could have ever done...You need a rough sleep on a church seat to realise that!

"Why do you think you are a coward?"

I looked at him then and rolled my eyes "I ran away...Who runs away from their problems?"

"People who are scared to live"

"It's easy for you to say...You haven't done it"

"Well...Seeing as we may be here for a while you might as well have this" he reached next to him and handed me a bottle of water..I looked at him "it's okay...I fetched it for you personally" he assured me with a small smile.

"Thank you" I said appreciatively taking the bottle and drinking from it...The fluid immediately soothing my dry throat...I had drunk more than half the bottle when I finished and put the lid back on.

"I thought you might need that...How did you end up outside here?"

"I honestly don't know...All I remember was standing outside my old house and seeing people in the living room watching the TV all snuggled up together...It broke my heart a little to see that people were now living in my house but it was only a matter of time"

"So you must have walked here and fell asleep outside?"

"I must have done"

"I would like to help you, Bella...Could you explain everything to me?"

"Honestly...I would but I do not want you to spout God's words...I have no interest in a person who has all the power in the world and yet he takes away the one person who was meant to live in the world and make everyone else happy"

"Ahh so your sister's death has made you feel like there is no higher power?"

"There shouldn't be a higher power"

"If no one died then there wouldn't be any room for new generations"

"So Alice died so there would be another generation?! That makes sense"

"Okay let's try another way...If you do not mind my asking...How did she die?"

"Her name was Alice...She died giving birth to her son"

"Did her son live?"

"Yes...He has his father, Jasper now"

"So...Did you ever think that Alice died to let her child live?"

"That doesn't even make sense!" I exclaimed running a hand through my hair

"Of course it doesn't...You were not in Alice's shoes. Look, Bella death is a way of life..Not all of us have endings that we consider to be utterly happy and sometimes we need to learn how to find inner strength in ourselves...Without suffering there wouldn't be any compassion"

I got up from the seat to stretch out my legs "Yeah well tell that to those who are suffering" I remarked and walked over to the steps leading up to where the organ sat...I sat down not having a lot of energy in my legs...I rested my head on them.

"I am sorry that you are finding it hard, Bella" the vicar said from a distance...I let some more tears fall from my eyes in the privacy of the dark...I had done wrong doing this and I knew it.

"Bella?" I shot up from the darkness to look at the end of the room where the aisle began and saw Emmett standing there...I rubbed the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand to do a double-take.._What was he doing here?_

I looked over at the vicar who seemed to have some interest in the new visitor. "Church doesn't begin till two my friend" he said to Emmett.

"I am here to see my sister" he stated simply...I could vaguely see his jaw clench along the bottom of his face and I knew then that he wasn't happy...He had every right to not be happy with me..I wasn't happy with myself.

"THE brother?" the vicar looked over at me...I knew what he had meant by his question...The last time I was here I was speaking about Edward however I had said that he was my brother who I had fallen in love with and then we got onto the not so comfortable topic of sex. I shook my head and the vicar nodded in understanding and stood up.

"I will be in the back if you need me" he said to me and made his way up the steps to where I was still sitting and walked straight past me...I didn't look back instead I kept my eyes on my brother still standing a distance from me with his hands in his pockets.

"It's a nice church, Bella" Emmett said...However the tone of his voice wasn't pleasant...There seemed to be a hint of sarcasm there which I was expecting...I clenched my stomach to calm my emotions down.

"Hi Emmett" _God Bella is that all you can say?! What else can I say? This was awkward!_

"No time for niceties, Bella" he replied striding towards me...I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head back on them looking at the floor of the church this time around instead of the darkness. "Would you care to explain, yourself?" Emmett was in front of me and I couldn't bring myself to look up at him.

"Go ahead and say it, Emmett...I am a coward" I choked out still looking at the floor. Emmett sat down next to me and I scooted over the step a little to have some kind of distance from him I could sense his anger in the air around me and it wasn't nice.

"That's one way of putting it" he spat and I bit down hard on my lip.

"What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking YOU that same question...What the fuck, Bella?!"

"You have every right to be angry at me"

"Angry?...No I am not angry...try FURIOUS!" he exclaimed.

"Furious, then"

"So are you going to have the decency to explain why you didn't come to the funeral and how you have disappeared off the face of the earth when we come back for only a shitty note as a goodbye?!"

"I can't do it, Emmett"

"What...Can't do WHAT Bella?"

"I cannot be in that house when Alice isn't there...It's not the same"

"A fucking plus, Bella!"

"Emmett-" I started

"No....You listen to me and have the balls to look at me as I am saying it"

I looked up at him slowly through my teary eyes...I was somewhat thankful for the tears as I couldn't see his expression properly.

"You leave the people who love you more than ANYTHING in the world...You leave your BOYFRIEND who would go to the ends of the flaming earth for you and for an explanation all I get is 'I can't do it'...We ALL can't live in that house at the moment, Bella....I don't think you grasp what other people are feeling...The world does not evolve around you and your issues...Are you that self-indulgent that you only think of YOURSELF?!" at Emmett's outburst I stood up and walked half-way down the aisle before stopping..I put my hand over my mouth as I stared at the back wall of the church. "Oh that's it...run away from this, Bella...Like you always do?!"

I turned around then and glared at him "Stop saying that I am selfish...Do you think I WANTED any of this to happen?!" I exclaimed my voice getting higher in volume.

"NONE of us WANTED this...Get a grip, Bella!"

"Right...Okay let's recap shall we...Were you there when Alice was giving birth...Were you there when she was dying...Were you there when my mum constantly chose alcohol over me...No hugs since I was a baby and no love growing up..Why do you think that I escape? That is ALL I have ever done and that is all I could EVER do in my life"

"Yeah...You've had it rough and that's fair play but Bella...We need you!"

"Why? So you can send me back to Sandgrove the minute I walk back through the door...I refuse to go back there, Emmett...Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital in your life?!"

"No!"

"It's isolation...Pure and simple...Hours of being alone with only your fucked up mind to comfort you...Speaking to people who will NEVER get you on a personal level and instead spout things from a textbook that they spent years revising!"

"What about Edward?!"

"Edward is my life" I choked out the thought of Edward being in pain shooting pain through my stomach.

"You have got a pretty messed up way of showing it!"

"I have never ALWAYS had him....I have spent ninety-five percent of my life on my own..Fending for everyone else but myself..Aren't people allowed to make choices purely for THEM once in a while?!"

"Yes but not when they abandon their families to do it?!"

"The only REAL family I have..Who I am connected to by blood is GONE and there is nothing I can do about it...Now one of the other amazing people in my life has gone"

"That's life"

"I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE...I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IT KNOWING THAT THE PEOPLE I LOVE ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME!"

"Bella...Calm down!" Emmett stood up and I backed away from him further.

"You can call me every name under the sun, Emmett but I will still love you all the same...I know that you are mad at me but I NEVER did this intentionally to get away from all of you...I couldn't live being there...If I were to stay there then I would have intentionally hurt myself"

"Edward would never have let that happen, Bella"

"That's the point....I can't look at him...I can't touch him...I can't let him touch me...I am so ashamed...I'm ashamed of feeling helpless...It should have been me that went instead of Alice!"

"Don't say that, Bella!"

"It's true...I didn't have a baby...I didn't have the prospect of having a family of my own to live for...I was never as enthusiastic about life as she was..WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I GO INSTEAD!"

Emmett strode towards me but I hadn't realised he had done so until he grasped my shoulders tightly in his hands. "Bella...Stop this...Please?!"

"I LOVED HER...I LOVED HER SO MUCH" I wailed...My legs fell from underneath me and I fell to my knees...Emmett had fallen with me and was now crouching in front of me...My sobs flew out of my body like fireworks...My sounds were also echoing off of the church walls.

"Bella...You need to come back...Come back with me?" Emmett whispered quietly...I shook my head violently.

"I can't...I have made my bed and I must lie in it" I choked out

"We ALL love you, Bella...We love you so much...You can't leave us now" Emmett said a plea to his voice...I felt myself tear in two with my head and my heart battling inside of me.

"I love you guys too but I can't make a decision to come back here and then go back expecting to be welcomed back with open arms"

"Isn't the thought of coming back to people who love you better than dooming your life to isolation?"

"Carlisle will send me to Sandgrove and I can't take the risk...If I thought he wouldn't that doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't actually do it...I have depression, Emmett...I am useless"

"You're not useless, Bella...You are breaking our hearts, here...We can help you get better...We will love you and support you in all of this"

"I need you all so much but there is a part of me that can't do it"

"We need to be strong together...Please Bella?" I weighed the decision in my head.

"Do you really want a coward in the family?"

"I thought you were a coward, Bella...But you're not...You don't mean to escape things it's natural to you"

"Mum and dad will hate me"

"They don't...They may be angry with you for a while but we could never hate you, Bella...You just need to prepare yourself for some cold shoulders if you do come back"

"What would you do if I said no?"

"I would say that you shouldn't expect open arms if you ever decide to come back again" there that was what I needed...The thought of never being able to go back to the Cullens' hurt me more than having the option to stay here alone. "Will you come back?" Emmett added.

I looked over at the organ even though I had no idea why I had decided to look over there...The vicar was standing there.

"Bella...Think about it simply...Life alone or life with love...Things will be difficult but you have to pull together as a family...It's the only way you are going to get through it" the vicar said...I turned to Emmett and nodded a little...He smiled and wrapped his arms around me tightly...I sunk my head into his shoulder feeling apprehension about the rest of my family when I got back...They had every right to be angry at me and so now...I would have to face up to the reality of my decision.

I was scared...And in a bad way.

*~Rosalie~*

Esme and Carlisle had left me in Port Angeles to stay in a hotel for the night...We had lunch together just the three of us as Edward had still been asleep when he had first left...He was suffering after Bella's disappearing act and we all felt helpless in our own ways because we weren't able to make him feel better the only person who could do that was BELLA! Stupid girl needs to sort herself out and come back to him!!

Carlisle and Esme were also finding it hard living in the house like everyone else and I had insisted that they stay away for a few nights...I assured Esme that I would look after the house when she was away..Seeing as Emmett wasn't going to be coming home anytime soon...I walked back to Emmett's home allowing the cold air to be a kind of comfort to me...I opened the door when I had got to the house and closed it behind me

I gasped as I saw Edward pouring whiskey into a glass tumbler.

"Edward..What are you doing?!" I exclaimed.

Edward looked up at me "Hey, Rose...I can't b...believe I gave this up..for..B...Her...It's amazing stuff!" Edward was slurring and I instantly felt the panic inside me.

"I think you have had enough" I said wrapping a hand around the bottle before Edward smacked his hand on mine...Hard.

"This...is....our...b...booze...Fuck off!" Edward said gripping the bottle fully.

"So you are just going to drink yourself sick...Not on my watch you don't!"

Edward laughed at me...Belching occasionally from his intake of alcohol "you know...I can feel nothing..in my..h...ead it's like air. My girlfriend..has...fuck...fucked off..and my sister is..dead...Let's all have a party...let's...all...forget...about..our..pr...problems!"

"Yeah because that is the best thing to do right now, Edward!" I shot at him in sarcasm. Edward got up staggering then hugging the bottle close to his chest. "Who the hell are you anyway? Emmett isn't here so why don't you do me a favour and LEAVE ME ALONE!" Edward yelled tears filling up his eyes.

Before I could say anything else he had stumbled out of the kitchen and up the stairs...I wanted to call Carlisle but then I figured if Edward slept it off then he would be okay in the morning...Except for the hangover of course.

I sat down on the kitchen chair and put my head in my hands.

If only Alice were here...She would be able to kick her brother into shape...Better than I could.

I needed Emmett badly...I wished he was here with me right now.

*~Emmett~*

I hugged Bella close to me as our plane started to fly high into the clouds.

"You made the right decision, Bella" I said to her after the plane had straightened out.

"I don't think I have"

"Why?"

"I can't bear to see Edward hurt by what I did...The thought of it makes me want to be sick"

"You will have to give him time, Bella"

"Have you ever hated yourself so much you couldn't bear to have Rosalie touch you or vice-versa?"

"No...I can't relate to that"

"Have you proposed to her, yet?"

"Yes...It wasn't planned that way..I had set a scene of my own..A more romantic one as it were but she was upset and about to leave me"

"Why?"

"She thought I was having an affair and cheating on her"

"Oh I remember her saying to me that she was upset about how you were being distant"

"She told you?"

"Yes...She cried and said that she thought there was no one else for her but she was prepared to let you go if you ever came out and told her"

"I would never have left her, Bella"

"I told her that...I told her that she was being paranoid"

"Rose has been hurt more than the normal amount of times by other men..I remember our first date..How nervous she was"

"I can understand being nervous about having a first date...It's a big step...So did she say yes?"

"Yes!" I beamed

"Congratulations brother bear!" she said hugging me tighter.

"Thanks...So since you have touched on the subject of embarrassment on first dates...I realise that as well as being embarrassed about that..So is having sex for the first time" Bella released herself from my hold and looked up at me.

"I hope you are talking about yours and Rose's first time" she stated I smiled mischievously.

"Rose and I didn't lose our virginities together..I do know of two people who did, though"

"Emmett" Bella sighed.

"Oh come on...We have loads of time to kill!" I whined unable to keep the smile off my face.

"I don't want to talk about it"

"You don't have to talk about it in DETAIL...Just tell me how it felt"

"Why? So you can make fun of me?"

"No way...Edward had his heart on exploring the acts of sex with Jessica Stanley but how the tables have turned...!"

"I am not saying anything"

"Bella...You will have to speak to me about something otherwise I will go mad!"

"Fine pick something else besides sex, then!"

I wrapped my arm back round her and she leant her hand back on my chest. "Lets see..."

"You honestly can't think of anything NORMAL to talk about?!"

"No...I got nothing" I said with a cheeky smile to throw in...Bella rolled her eyes.

"You're hopeless"

"Face it though, Bella you wouldn't have your brother bear any other way!"

"You have a point" I laughed and sighed resting my head on hers.

"I will answer your questions but you do NOT laugh at me...Or at Edward..Understand?"

"Scouts honour, Bella...So how did you feel?"

Bella groaned and hid her face in my shirt...It didn't take a prodigy to know that she was blushing in that moment..I felt the heat from her skin through my shirt. "Amazing" she muffled in the shirt.

"Sorry, Bella...I didn't quite hear that" I teased.

"Amazing" Bella said louder in my shirt.

"You don't have to hide, Bella...I promise I will not say anything"

"I am sorry but it isn't the best subject to talk about with your brother..!"

"I had high hopes set for my little brother when he took the first step into manhood..If you would be so kind as to excuse the pun..He can be a jerk sometimes but he loves purely"

"Carlisle told me that as well"

"Looks like I will have to shake hands with Edward when we get home!"

"It's not like getting a degree in education, Emmett and don't you dare! I want to keep what Edward and I do between us"

"Where is the fun in that? Look, Bella...When a man and a woman-"

"Em just stop!"

"You can at least let me finish, Bella" She moaned in defeat but then silenced herself..I smiled a little in victory as she wasn't able to see my face. "When a man and a woman love each other and perform the act of love-making it increases what we know as endorphins..These fly around your system for days afterwards and can have a multiple affect on the way you act and speak"

"Thank you, professor" Bella said sarcastically

"So did he come?"

"Emmett?!" Bella was getting annoyed now...I loved teasing her just like I had done with Alice when she was alive.

"Okay was there a finale?"

"You can't change the way you say a question so you get an answer!"

"I can because I am ME!"

"You remind me of Edward sometimes"

"What can I say? He learnt from the best...Right okay how about I make this a little easier..Instead of saying yes or no you nod or shake your head"

"Fine!" Bella groaned...She waited a few seconds before nodding.

"Did you?" I heard Bella sigh in embarrassment..She nodded again.

"Very good...It has been known that some women don't come on the first time..You two must have really wanted each other, huh?" Bella nodded and I chuckled. "You left dad's party to do it didn't you?" Bella nodded. "Wow...Lying to have sex with your boyfriend...Bella I am impressed!"

"It wasn't like that"

"Oh then would you shed some light on it for me?"

Bella took herself out of my hold and looked up into my eyes...She bit down on her lip "have you ever looked at Rose and...Wanted her...I mean REALLY wanted her?"

"All the time"

"I mean when you first went out?"

"Oh sure...I wanted her after our first date finished however I waited for her..We weren't virgins but considering she had her heart trodden on before I wanted to prove like I wasn't like the rest of the arseholes she had gone out with before me"

"That's what it was...Instinct. Alice told me about it and I didn't believe her until it happened"

"She was always too mature for her own good"

"I miss her, Emmett" Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I leant my head on hers.

"I miss her too, Bella" I sighed.

"Do you think anything will ever be the same again?"

" Honestly..No but I DO know that things will get better"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because our family are fighters..We have always done everything together..We will get through it"

"I love you, Emmett"

"I love you too Bella-Boo" I said kissing her head.

I laid that conversation to rest...For the rest of the trip I tried to find something to amuse myself with whilst Bella lay asleep in my arms...I was lucky to find that the plane did have TV screens at the back of the seats...I constantly chose to watch re-runs of 'Family guy'...I could never get bored of that show...The sad thing was that Rose had stopped me watching it around her because she didn't like the crudeness of the jokes also that there were only two women in the main family and the majority of the other characters were men.

She doomed it sexist.

To be honest...Rose could be a prude sometimes...

But now she was going to be my wife I would have to make amends to certain things.

*~Rosalie~*

(Much later)

I hadn't realised I had fallen asleep until I heard the front door close...I fluttered my eyes hard to get my vision clear and stood up from the chair...I looked to the stairs and to the front door.

"Emmett?" I called...But the house was silent...It must have been me hearing things in my sub-conscious when I was still asleep...I was tired at the moment..More so than I had ever been in my life...I guess that is what emotion does to you. I walked up the stairs and leant my ear up to Edward's bedroom door..There was no noise from inside so I assumed then that he must have fallen asleep...Probably the best thing considering his head will pay for it all in the morning. I trudged up to Emmett's room and threw myself down on the bed so that my stomach sunk into the duvet...I was about to crash my head down on the pillow when my phone vibrated in my pocket...I groaned and flipped myself over onto my back and reached in to my pocket and accepted the call once it was in my hand.

"Hello?"

"_Hi Rose...It's Jasper"_

"Jasper? What's wrong is everything okay?"

"_Yes don't worry Danny is fine...I was wondering if I could stay with you at Emmett's tonight..Mom is still away on her weekend trip and I do not want to go home to an empty house"_

"Oh of course...Emmett is away too at the moment-"

"_Away? Where's he gone?"_

"He went to get Bella...She went back to England the day of the funeral"

"_Oh Jesus...I hope he brings her back...I want Danny to meet his godmother"_

"After not showing at Alice's funeral you are STILL going to make her godmother?!"

"_I understand why Bella went back to England...She escapes things...It's not hard to see..She isn't a bad person and she loved Alice."_

"That doesn't condone her behaviour!"

"_Rose go easy on her..She has been there for all of us when we have needed her and now it looks like she may need us"_

"You have more reason to be upset than she does"

"_That's not fair Rose and you know it...I have already lost the woman I loved...I don't want two other people I care about fighting either...I need you all right now"_ My heart sank at Jasper's voice beginning to break on the other end...I sighed.

"You're right...I am sorry Jazz...I guess this whole thing is just getting to me"

"_It has got to all of us...I am glad that you told me Emmett is away I have been trying his cell a few times today but it has always been off...I tried to call Carlisle and Esme on their phones but they are switched off as well"_

"Yes well they are having a few nights away...But seeing as I am in charge then of course you can come and stay!"

"_Thanks Rose...I appreciate it. Will you explain this whole thing with Bella to me later on..The nurse has said that I can hold Danny for the first time"_

"Sure I will...See you later, Jasper"

"Bye"

I hung up and threw my head back to the pillow.....Jasper now has a lot on his plate with a child to look after...I put my head in my hands as my phone fell from my hand to the duvet.

"A beautiful face like yours should never be kept hidden" I threw my hands off my face and shot my upper body up to find Emmett standing in the doorway.

"Emmett?" I sighed out in relief..He walked towards me and leant down to capture my lips in his...I melted into him and wrapped my arms around his neck...I moaned into his mouth...I was so pleased to see him.

"I take it you have missed me?" Emmett teased against my mouth

"Shut up" I breathed and kissed him again...I ran my fingers through his short hair as he cradled my face in his hands....I grabbed the collar of his shirt and he put his hand on top of mine to stop me.

"As much as I would love to do that now, Rose...I have managed to bring Bella back" he said...I backed my head away from his lips and bit down on my lip "Rose please just go and see her for me...She is in her room" he pleaded.

I could never deny my Emmett anything...As much as I might not want to see Bella right now once again I had been persuaded to do what Emmett wanted. I nodded and kissed him again before walking past him and out of the room.

I opened Bella's bedroom door to find her leant over her suitcase on the bed...She jumped back a little startled at my sudden and abrupt entrance in the room...I saw the look on her face of fear and I saw red.

I strode over to her and slapped her hard across her right cheek..She brought her hand up to her face and looked back up at me just as quickly as I had hit her.

"That's the least that you deserve!" I spat in anger as she nodded.

"I deserve that" she said

"Well we are on the same page!" I spat back

"Rose...I'm sorry"

"Sorry? Why are you sorry to ME? What about Edward? Or Alice? Or Jasper? Don't you think you should say sorry to them?!"

Bella took her hand off her cheek and put her arm down to the side. "I know I did something stupid"

"You know for someone who is stating the obvious, Bella you score off-the-chart!"

"Is there really any point in trying to explain?"

"What? So you can play the victim?"

"I am NOT the victim"

"Well done again, Bella!"

"Rose..Please?"

"No you listen to me...Edward has already hit the booze because of you AND Carlisle and Esme can't stand to be in this house so they have gone to stay in a hotel for a few days...YOU on the other hand decide that to escape this house you leave the FUCKING country!"

"Edward's....Drinking?"

"Are you at all surprised, Bella...You broke his heart!"

"I know I have...Do you not think that I am sorry for that?!"

"If you were sorry then you would have at least acknowledged the fact that Edward needed you...He has needed you for the past fortnight yet when he tries to hold you...You throw it back in his face!"

"It wasn't like that"

"Really then what was it like? You got bored of being with him...You realised that you didn't love him anymore and decide that you want to be as far away from him as possible...Am I getting warm?!"

Nothing could have prepared me for when I had finished speaking...Bella slapped me hard across the cheek the same way that I had done her...I threw my head back and lunged towards her..She grabbed my shoulders and kept me at a distance from her body..The girl was strong I give her that.

"How dare you say that, Rose...I love Edward more than I do my own life!"

"So you fly thousands of miles to show that love do you?"

"I hated myself...I couldn't have him touch me and I couldn't touch him...I wanted to believe that he understood what I was thinking but he can't read minds...I know that, Rose!" Bella's eyes were shining with fear and her bottom lip was trembling.

"Oh go on girl, bring on the waterworks...That is what you're good at isn't it!" Bella released her hold on me but I pushed her with as much force as I could against the wall...I held both my hands on the top hem of her shirt. "You have done SO wrong Bella Swan...You have a lot of making up to do in this family...That is if they can stand to have you back" Bella attempted to release my hold by pushing her body forward but I won and pushed her back harder against the wall. "I think that you should also go and see Alice...Seeing as you were such a coward to not say goodbye to her!"

"ROSE?!" Reality hit me as Emmett's voice boomed through the bedroom...I felt his hand pry mine off of Bella's shirt as Bella instantly straightened herself out. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He said to me his arms around my wrists lightly.

"I reacted..." I choked out...I hated it when Emmett was angry but it was harder now because he was angry at me.

"Where's Edward?" he said to me sternly.

"In his..room" I stuttered as he released my hands and left the room...I heard Edward's door open from the across the hall but it slammed shut again almost instantly..Emmett ran back into Bella's room.

"I have just got a call from Forks hospital...Edward has been in a car accident"!

*~Bella~*

(**Song for this part of the chapter is 'forgiven' by Within Temptation)**

All the rage that Rose had felt for me had now disappeared as Emmett came back into the room...He had asked her where Edward was...I looked on as Emmett entered the room after looking in Edward's.

"I have just got a call from Forks Hospital....Edward has been in a car accident!'

I felt my knees buckle from underneath me...I put a hand on the wall to steady myself...

_Car accident....Car accident.....Edward has been into a car accident._

I wanted to scream...My eyes had filled up with tears as I put a hand over my mouth...I couldn't feel my body..._Not my Edward...Not now._

"Rose...I need you to call Carlisle get him and Esme to forks as soon as possible...I will wait for you in the car with Bella." The minute I heard my name I looked up at him...He held out his hand and I saw Rose run from the room. I took his hand and he wrapped his arm around me...I leant myself on his weight my tears falling from my eyes onto the staircase carpet. Emmett grabbed both his and my coat in one hand when we had got to the front door and put the coats over his shoulder and opened the front door with the same hand...I would have helped him if I had been able to have any feeling left in my body or in my mind...All I saw was pain and panic!

I heard the front door close and Emmett turned us round....I only saw Rose's feet as they approached us.

"Edward's car is still here...I will have to take that one instead" Emmett said "Rose hold Bella for a minute" I felt Rose hands grip round my shoulders harder than usual but I ignored the pain...All I could think about was Edward and how much I had hurt him by what I had done.

I stood there hunched over slightly still gazing at the gravel on the driveway...The front door closed again and Emmett's feet came into my view...I couldn't look up it was like my body was stuck in this position my whole body locked together. Emmett's hands were back on my shoulders as he led me towards the Volvo...He opened the back door and helped me inside fastening the seat belt around me...The car smelled of Edward..._My Edward!_ I leant my head against the window.

What have I done?!

About twenty minutes later...Emmett had stopped the car and reversed into a parking space...He climbed out and closed the driver's side door and opened mine...I took my weight off of the window before he opened it.

"I'm sorry Emmett I can't-" I started.

"It's okay, Bella...I will do it" he said with an assuring smile...He unbuckled my belt and pulled me gently out of the car...I put my weight on him again as he lifted one of my arms to wrap around his shoulders..He kicked the door closed and walked up to the hospital...I saw Rose for a brief moment holding the two coats before she drifted behind us.

"I am looking for Edward Cullen...I am his brother and these are his sisters" Emmett said to the elderly woman behind the reception desk.

"He is in Oak Ward...This floor room 202" she said and Emmett turned to Rose taking me with him..We were both looking at Rose now.

"Rose..Take Bella I need to speak to a doctor" Emmett said..Rose nodded and took one of my hands again her grasp was tight but I didn't care.

Rose literally dragged me to the ward we had got to the double door entrance when she spun me around so that we were face to face.

"This is all your fault, Bella...I hope for you own sake that he doesn't die!" Rose spat as she opened the double ward doors taking me with her...She had found the '200' mark much easier than I could have done...Had she been here before?

We got to room 202 and she sat me down on a chair outside of it before standing above me.

"I am going to go in and see if he is alright" she stated...I nodded through more tears as she went through the door and closed it behind her.

I put my head in my hands and cried into them...I had never been so regretful in my life before and I ached so badly...I ached for Edward.

"Bella..Where is Rose?" I heard Emmett ask me...I looked up from my hands.

"In there" I said and he sighed before walking in there...I rubbed my eyes and sniffed in the emptiness of the corridor.

"You may go in now, Bella...Rose and I are going to see Jasper" Emmett said forcing me to turn back to face him. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but then I figured that it would be too painful...I knew nothing about medicine and all I wanted was Edward.

"Thank you" I said to Emmett as he took Rose's hand and took her down the corridor..She looked behind me to glare at me for a moment before turning back round.

I stood up a little unsteadily and took a few deep breaths to keep my balance..._You have done this to him, Bella...No one else...Now you have to face what you have done!_

I opened the door to the room and felt my stomach drop and my heart rise into my throat...There was Edward blooded with various cuts on his beautiful face..He also had a large purple and blue bruise covering one of his eyes...His bare torso was showing however there was a large bandage wrapped around his waist...His eyes were closed and all I could hear was the beeping of his heart monitor.

I felt my heart break once again as I looked at my boyfriend...My amazing boyfriend broken both emotionally and physically...How could I have left him like I did...Rose was right I WAS only thinking of myself!

I sat down on the chair my mouth still in an 'o' shape as more tears fell from my face...I put my hand out to hold his hand but stopped before my skin made any contact with his...It wasn't right to touch him now when I had pushed him away so many times recently when he tried to touch me...He would probably never want to see me again but I would be there for him until he recovered...Whether he wanted me to or not...I had done Edward a serious wrong in the way that I had acted and I owed him majorly.

"Edward?" I choked out meekly....He was still, motionless...Broken..I scrunched up my face as more sobs came through my abdomen "Edward I am so sorry!" I exclaimed.

I put my head a few centimetres down from his hand and cried into the hospital bed duvet...No other sound but the beeping surrounding me.

What had I done?

How was I going to make it up to him?

Will he ever forgive me now?

**Another short one...I am still reeling from chapters 32 and 33...!**

**R+R Please my gorgeous people?...Keep me going....I love you all!!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Love**

**.S.**

**X x**


	37. Wiping Away The Cuts

**Hello again everyone!!**

**I have to make a little note and say that my email has completely screwed up and I can't receive your reviews by email...I also can't see that I have added a new chapter but I DID add a chapter yesterday and I will add another one today so just to let you all know...It looks like all the reviewers for last chapter got their emails which is GOOD...It seems like it is just me who is receiving problems ****!**

**So HUGE thanks to...'Shin Maxwell, mulf, cullengirl08, Miss. Ally Lautner, shedemon01, kallamigk and laceycrazy 08 for reviewing LAST chapter.**

**I ALSO MUST thank...'GethrenNZ' – THANK you for letting me know that Alice's type of death CAN happen...I was hoping that there was a possibility that someone can die under those same circumstances which of course are absolutely TERRIBLE. I like to try and keep it fiction but a lot of the feelings and emotions in AML are REAL and they have been real to ME so thank you again for letting me know that and of course your support with AML**

**Also...'Raven Jadewolfe' – I COMPLETLEY understand why you would cheer Rose on...No need to apologise...I LOVED writing an angry Rose it was uplifting to not write sadness or happiness for a change so if you want to back Rose up...You GO girl! **

**I do NOT own Twilight...I make it my OWN in AML.**

**This chapter will be mostly BELLA'S P.O.V but there will be others in here too.**

*~Bella~*

(A week later)

_Dearest Alice_

_You might have wondered that I never made it to your funeral, if you happen to be looking down on me right now I know that you will not be impressed with me...I am not impressed with myself. I hoped that everyone would understand why I had to go away and escape all of this even if it was for a short amount of time...I feel so awful about it all and I know that I deserve what I am getting now...Edward is in the hospital after what I did to him, Rose will not talk to me anymore after what I did to EVERYONE...I reckon mum and dad won't talk to me either when they find out I have come back (that is if they haven't done already)_

_I really need you here, Alice and its not possible...You would know what to do...You always did._

_This whole thing is so incredibly hard..I want my sister here with me to tell me that everything will be okay._

_You were always there, Alice...I appreciated you SO much in my life and I will never stop appreciating you, your strength, your love of life and your general sweetness that will never die in your soul..I will look after Danny and Jasper as much as I can...They both need support now and as your sister, I promise to always do that for them._

_I wasn't there to say goodbye, Alice and I hope that you can forgive me..I can't have you hate me too._

_I love you forever my darling sister_

_You will always be in my heart._

_Bella_

_x_

I trailed my fingers over the envelope which held the note I wrote last night...I had already gotten dressed for the day and I decided that I would go and see Edward..However I would walk this time..I finally knew the route to the hospital by foot...There's always a change that you take better than others. I picked up the note and went downstairs to grab my coat and walk out of the door...I was so glad that I was used to cold weather being in England...I remember thinking that Forks and England were similar when I first came here and now...It hadn't changed. I locked the door behind me and began my walk into the forest...It was nice and dry this time after my episode in the woodlands opposite Forks hospital.

As I walked the distance to the hospital...I ran my thoughts around the past week...

Edward in hospital had definitely been the lowest point of my week...I could take Rose's comments on the chin because I knew deep down inside that I deserve them...I shouldn't have slapped her like I did because it made things worse but I couldn't help it her accusations were what I feared the most...I never want to break up with Edward and I sure as hell knew that I would never get bored of him either...He had been everything to me in life, even when he had acted wrongly towards me sometimes when we first met none of that mattered anymore he was always there and it was always him it just took me a long time to figure that out and tell him that myself. Our first night together still shines in the lightest part of my breaking heart...The way he said he loved me and the way we fit together...That night will be forever stuck in my memory even if things didn't work out for us I would know that I gave away my virginity to someone who I believed truly deserved it and that is a fact that can never fade from a person's mind. I was also in slight agony about seeing Carlisle and Esme again...They had found out about Edward from Rose however they had been at the hospital when I had not been almost like we had been playing merry go rounds to try and avoid one another's company...This was not intentional on my part anyway.

I let the cool air soothe my face...I loved the cold air when it turns your nose numb if you stay in it for too long..I used to despise it in England because we all as a nation hoped for sun but even if we were lucky enough to get it...It would never be warm enough. That's the thing I picked up about Brits and it may not be true but it was purely an observation of mine when I was younger...We were never happy enough with temperature..We would never find the right heat...If we went on holidays it was too hot if we were in summer it wouldn't be hot enough and if we were having a really cold winter it would be too cold. I didn't miss that part of the country at all in all honestly...I had almost adapted to life here if you don't count my escape back to England last week.

I breathed a sigh of relief to see the hospital entrance...I had been worried that I had taken the wrong route and ended up in a stranded wood somewhere instead. I climbed the steps and gestured to the receptionist..She nodded at me but continued to speak to another woman...She must have known what us Cullens had looked like thanks to Carlisle and I was pleased I didn't have to wait in line. Memories came flooding back to me when I approached the double doors leading to 'Oak Ward'

_I hope for your sake, he doesn't die...This is all your fault Bella for your own sake I hope he doesn't die._

_Die._

_Die._

I wrapped my arms across my chest and folded them tightly when I entered the ward...It was always quiet in here..Almost too quiet for everyday comfort..I had wondered whether anyone else was actually being treated or whether the entire ward belonged to Edward. I walked down the '200' number mark and down the corridor...I had named it 'death row' in my mind because it was so eary and unpleasant....Not to mention the walls and carpet dark to emphasise the atmosphere a lot more. I stood outside Edward's room and took a deep breath before walking in...Edward had been involved in his accident a week ago and I was always feeling apprehensive about seeing him..Scared of his reaction, maybe....I didn't know.

I closed the door behind me and looked at Edward..His bruise had faded slightly now and it wasn't so obvious over his eye area..I sat in my usual seat and kept my hand away from his..I didn't think that he would want me touching him after I had gone so long not wanting him to touch me. I waited letting the familiar beeping noise comfort me.

I would usually stay here until the visiting hours finished...I couldn't bring myself to leave him even though I had already induced him to drink..I didn't blame him for doing that I probably would have gone down the same road or somewhere even less pleasant if I had stayed at home and not have the heart to heart with Emmett. I didn't look at the clock but my thought of wondering how long I had sat here when I looked up at Edward and saw his eyes flutter open...I wanted to stand up from my seat and lean over him but I couldn't feel my legs...I pushed my hand closer to his but still never made contact.

"Mom?" Edward muttered quietly and I felt my heart breaking for him...It should have been Esme here instead of me when he woke up...Why did I have to come here this morning? He looked over at me slowly and fluttered his eyes a little more...His expression was hard to read so I continued to sit there helplessly...Once his eyes were opened fully I smiled a little at him.

"Hi" I whispered quietly to him...his forehead creased as his eyebrows burrowed together...I lightly put my palm on the top of his hand not wanting to cause him anymore pain. "How are you feeling?" I whispered to him afterwards...God I couldn't think of anything to say...I didn't know what to do.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered to me...If this was the best cue to go then it would be right now.

"I wanted to see you" I answered honestly in reply...I heard the door open behind me but I didn't look around...I kept my gaze on Edward.

"You know what, Bella you are so good at fucking off...Why don't you do it now...I don't want you here!" Edward choked out moving his hand forcefully out from underneath mine and tilting his head away from me. The pain from my lower stomach soared through me then and I swallowed the constriction in my throat...My eyes filled up and I nodded at him apologetically...It was inevitable that this would happen but I didn't blame Edward for wanting to see me...I found the strength in my legs and stood up turning away from him to find Carlisle staring back at me. I bit down on my lip and walked past him...He didn't look angry but I couldn't speak to him..I was too ashamed of myself.

I wiped away my tears as they had fallen from my eyes walking down the corridor back to the ward entrance...I breathed in and out slowly getting over the shock existing in my body...I shouldn't have been shocked...I should have been prepared for this.

I got to the main entrance and buckled slightly when I saw Tess walking through the sliding doors...He gaze fell on me and a sob uncontrollably escaped my body as I ran to her...I threw my arms around her and buried my head into her shoulder.

"Bella...Beautiful...It is okay honey" she soothed rubbing my back comfortingly...I let the sobs go but kept a lid on my volume because I knew I was receiving stares from the people in the waiting room if I wasn't even looking at them. I took my head away from her shoulders.

"What are you doing here? I am not upset by it" I choked out...Great now I wasn't even making sense...Tess put a hand on one of my cheeks.

"It is my day off...I wasn't able to get any days off before now...I heard about Alice and I came here to see whether you were here I tried the house but there was no answer" she answered.

"Oh, Tess...I have done something so bad" I squeaked feeling the tears come through my eyes again.

"Why honey?" she soothed a hand still on my cheek.

"I will explain everything later...Could you do me a favour?" I asked.

"Of course!"

"Will you take me to the graveyard...I haven't seen Alice yet" I choked

"Yes" Tess said putting her arm around me and leading me out the doors...I leant into her and rested my head on her chest...I was so pleased to see her even though the whole thing had been totally unexpected.

We were silent in the car...I was more concerned about seeing Alice than having to explain my actions to Tess...However I knew that she was the one person who would listen to what I had to say and then tell me what she thought about it afterwards...It really was a comfort having her here.

Tess parked her car outside the church...I saw the little wooden gate leading into the cemetery..I climbed out of the car and looked at the graves that I could see from where I was...There was SO many of them and I felt saddened about how many people had died and got buried here and I imagined that over half of them didn't deserve the fate they were dealt..Maybe even more than that but the thought of trying to work it all out in my head wasn't appealing.

Tess grasped my hand tightly...I turned to look at her.

"I have no idea where she is.." I started but Tess put her hand up to stop me.

"I know where she is...I came here one night because I couldn't make it to the funeral. Come on" she said as she led me through the little gate...I kept my hand in hers enjoying the comfort she washed over me.

We had got to the centre of the cemetery away from the view of the car and the gate...Tess stopped causing me to stop beside her and I looked up at her..She smiled a little at me and pointed towards a wooden cross in the middle of all the graves...Tess then walked us over to the grave..I slowed my steps down feeling the sadness come over me again.

We went onto the grass area surrounding the grave and Tess let go of my hand...she put a hand on my back and pushed me forwards a little indicating for me to go first...I bit down on my lip and crouched down in front of Alice's grave when I reached it. I looked at the golden plaque bearing her name and I then took my gaze down onto the soil...There were various bunches of flowers from people that I didn't know however there was one bunch of white roses placed in the middle of the soil...I studied the full blooms and the pureness of the colour and saw a small tag hanging down just below where the plastic hugged around the stems and roots...I leant forward forcing myself to not make contact with the soil and tilted my head to look at the writing.

_To our forever beautiful angel_

_We love you and we will miss you everyday_

_Look down on all of us and let us know that you are there._

_All our love always_

_Dad, Mom, Emmett, Edward, Bella and Rosalie_

I felt my heart sank when I saw that my name had been put on there...It was Carlisle's writing I only knew that much...I didn't deserve to be on that tag...I hadn't been a good family member to Alice or to the rest of the Cullens and I definitely hadn't been a girlfriend to Edward. I took my letter out of my coat pocket and placed it underneath the bouquet of flowers...I didn't want it to be blown away in the wind. I pushed myself back to rest my weight on my knees again and put my arms out limply in front of me.

"Hi Alice...I know I haven't been much of a sister and I am sorry I didn't say goodbye to you properly..." I trailed off my voice beginning to break.."I love you so much, Alice and I am so sorry....I'm sorry for not being here for you...I am sorry for not having the power to save you...I am sorry for the way I acted...I am sorry for everything" I stopped myself then and stood up and covered my mouth with my hands...I felt my a hand around my shoulders and I leant into Tess as she stood beside me.

"I am so sorry, Bella" She said as she rocked me slightly from side to side. "Come and sit down with me" she said leading me away from Alice and over to a small bench which was under a large tree..She sat down taking me with her as her arm stayed tight around my shoulder...I took my hands away from my mouth and looked down to the floor.

"Do you want to talk to me?" Tess asked and I nodded slowly.

"I behaved badly, Tess" I began to explain.

"Okay...Why?"

"Maybe I should start from the beginning-" I looked up at Tess and she nodded taking her hand away from my shoulder and placing it in her lap along with her other hand..She kept her gaze on me as I stared back down to the floor. "I was there...I called the ambulance when Alice collapsed...I don't remember much of it...It is all a blur but she had to give birth otherwise the baby wasn't going to live...I held her hand all the way through it even though it was uncomfortable for me to just stand there whilst she was in pain...The baby was delivered safely but...The doctor ordered me out of the room. I waited outside the room for ages before he came back out and said that she had died-" my voice broke at the end of my explanation and Tess grabbed my hand.

"It's okay, Bella...Take your time" Tess soothed...I took a deep breath and carried on.

"To cut out most of the story...I didn't take it well I just wanted to escape because living in the house without Alice was so unbearable...So after two weeks I packed my bag and went to England"

"Wow..That must have been hard" Tess said.

"It was...I thought I was doing the right thing...Emmett came after me he said that my family needed me and even though there WAS a part of me that wanted to stay in England...What was there for me? My old house was already sold and had new occupants and I HAD money so I could have stayed in a hotel or something but it was Carlisle's card-"

"I am glad you decided to come back, Bella...I may not be your family but I know how much you are loved by them" Tess added and I smiled a little...She had an amazing way of making someone feel better by just spouting out words that if they had come from others would be useless.

"I came back...However everyone had been affected by my decision...Edward started drinking...Rose hates me and I haven't had the chance to speak to mom and dad...We haven't been travelling in the right circles at the moment. They have every right to be angry at me"

"You're right, Bella they do...Of course they do and it's good that you acknowledge that!"

"I forced Edward to drink...He is in the hospital right now after being in a car accident"

"Good god, is he going to be alright?"

"I honestly don't know...I hope to god he does...Even if he doesn't forgive me afterwards"

"You can say if this is too much of a personal question...But are you and Edward together?"

I nodded biting down on my lip...After he had seen me in the hospital I feared we wouldn't ever have the relationship we had again...But that was something that I would have to be prepared for..It was going to be his decision whether he ends it with us or not...I would be hurt to the depths of despair but I would do whatever he wanted to do because I still loved him so much.

"I figured...You always had something special" Tess stated.

"Everyone said that...He told me how he felt about me at Christmas and luckily I was able to reciprocate them and we started going out...However I had to go back to England because my mum died and so after three months I came back and everything was going okay until this happened"

"So you lost your mum and Alice?"

"Yes"

"Bella no wonder why you wanted to escape" Tess exclaimed.

"I escaped the house because I didn't want to go back to Sandgrove, either...No offence"

"None taken, Bella...You don't need Sandgrove anymore...You just need the rest of your family back to normal again...It's not so bad"

"Edward hates me" I choked out new tears falling down my face.

"Give him time, Bella...If you care that much for one another then none of you are going to forget that and if worst comes to the worst then you can still be brother and sister"

"I have always said that to myself but now...I don't think I could ever go back to being Edward's sister...I love him too much...I am IN love with him, I do not love him the way I used to before we were going out"

"Yes I can see why that would be complicated. Do you want my honest opinion?"

"Please?"

"Neither you or your family are right or wrong...There is no right or wrong when it comes to emotions because they belong to us and everyone feels things differently. If you wanted to go back to England more than you wanted to stay then it was inevitable that you were to go back...Grief affects all of us whether we choose to acknowledge that or not...Your family do have a right to be angry, Bella and you know that...The fact that you disappeared at the time when they lost their daughter and sister is unbearable and it must have been hard on them. As for Edward, I do not condone his decision to turn to alcohol but as I work in a psychiatric hospital then I suppose I am biased when I say that sometimes our mind does things we can't control when we are upset..anger and depression are closely linked that way and it IS just tragic now that he has been in an accident"

"I never let him touch me...Hold my hand...Hold me...Nothing for the time I lived at home before going back to England"

"Can I ask why?"

"I hated myself too much...I didn't deserve his love for me after I had done nothing to help Alice"

"Whoa Bella there was nothing you could have done to stop Alice from dying...look at it this way, if we all had the power to stop death then there wouldn't be any graves here. It was unfortunate but it happens, Bella"

"I should have been able to do something!"

"No...You're human Bella, and in lack of a PHD in medicine...I am a nurse and even I can have patients who I cannot help...I have tried but I wasn't able to do anything and it breaks my heart but I remember Carlisle telling me that I worked my hardest and that is worth more than not helping anyone at all"

"So I am holding onto something that I shouldn't...Is that what you are saying?"

"In a way...You need to accept that Alice wasn't meant to live...Even the kindest souls in the world aren't destined to live their lives forever...However she lives in her baby and that is what you need to hold on...She gave him a life when hers ended, Bella"

"I haven't seen him...I should have done earlier"

"So she had a son?"

"Yes" I said with a small smile.

"That's great...What's his name?"

"Daniel...Danny for short...That is what Alice told me that was what they were going to call the baby if they had a son"

"I have a son named Daniel, too...It's a nice name..Listen, Bella do you mind if I see Alice for a minute?"

I looked up at her then "Of course" I said as she smiled and stood up letting go of my hand..I watched her take the walk to the grave and watched her kneel down in front of Alice the same way that I had done.

Tess was speaking to Alice but I couldn't hear her from where I was from...I was thankful I would probably start to cry again if I knew what she was saying...Tess was a forever friend to me and I remember knowing that she was going to be a confidante of mine when I left Sandgrove the second time round but now it was definite..She was a fantastic person if my life would ever be made whole again I hope I would be like her when I was older and had kids of my own.

As I waited my thoughts drifted towards Danny...I was eager to get back home but not to do anything by hide under the duvet as there was probably no one there anyway...I should go and see Danny he was after all my future Godson...I was determined to mend my ways and prove to Alice and to the rest of my family that I could be a normal person again...The way I once was before all of this happened to us.

Tess walked back and stood in front of me.

"I have to go back home now, Bella..Would you like me to take you home?"

"Um..No thank you...I should be getting back to the hospital. I will walk though"

"Do you know the way?"

"Yes"

"Okay well come here" she said holding out her hand I took it and stood up..Tess closed the distance between us and wrapped her arms around me...I leant my head on her shoulder and sighed in relief..I knew Tess would understand me..She had never got me wrong.

"Thank you for everything, Tess" I said into her shoulder.

"You just stay strong, Bella...Your family need you to be strong" she replied and I nodded under her hold.

Tess released me and kissed my forehead "Goodbye beautiful, Bella" she said with a light giggle.

"Bye, Tess" I said leaning into her hand for a moment before she let go of me...I watched her walk away from me and waited a good ten minutes before walking out the same way.

I got back to the hospital in quick-time...As I walked through the parking lot I saw that Carlisle's car was still here..I brushed off the thought and walked into the hospital and went straight ahead of me and up the stairs following the arrows of the premature baby unit.

*~Carlisle~*

I watched Bella go...I had only caught the end of her and my son's conversation but I didn't know whether to be angry at Edward or not...I was just glad to see that he had woken up. I sat down on the seat Bella had just left and held my son's hand...He tilted his head back and smiled.

"Hi, dad" he said.

"Hi, Edward...How are you feeling?" I replied with a smile...Edward sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

"I don't know"

"That's okay it's normal to feel confused when coming out from unconsciousness" I tried to soothe him.

"I wasn't driving dad" my son said suddenly turning his head to look at me...an alarmed expression filled his eyes and face.

"Ssh" I said gripping his hand tighter "I know you weren't...It's okay" Edward sighed in relief..I could see his emotion through his eyes...It wasn't hard to see that he was feeling confused about being here but also angry at Bella.

"What was that all about with Bella?" I asked him quietly.

"I woke up and I saw her...It's all very well her being here now but where was she when I needed her...I mean REALLY needed her? She was either in England or ignoring me when I tried to make her feel better"

"I am only asking, Edward...Don't get worked up..Please son?"

"The problem is with you is that you're too forgiving...Why aren't you mad at her after what she did?!"

"Because I know Bella better than the rest of you...I know what kind of life she's had and why she does what she does...I did treat her, Edward"

"You SHOULD be mad!" he choked out and I took a deep breath in...My son did have a point.

"I SHOULD but I'm not"

"What about Alice's funeral..She didn't even show her face she had planned on going away all along!"

"Yes..I am sure that she did. Is this really about Alice, Edward or is this about you?"

"I wanted my girlfriend and she wasn't there"

"Edward I am not siding with her...But what about the times she HAS been there for you, there have been a few and she never asked for anything back in return"

"So?"

"So maybe she needed to go...To have a reality check as it were..She has come back though that it the main thing"

"Have you even spoken to her since she came back?"

"No...I know that she will come and talk to me in her own time..She does that"

"I don't want to see her"

"Then that's your choice...But she has always been here, Edward..It's true that your mom and I haven't been here when she has but the nurses have said that she has never left you"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No...I am merely stating a fact"

"I was scared, dad...I was scared that I was going to lose her...Then what does she do? She leaves me"

"I know she did and I will admit that it was wrong...However I KNOW Bella"

"Yeah well, I don't think I know her well enough"

"Its okay son, you just concentrate on getting better...Would you like a drink of water?"

Edward nodded as two tears fell from his eyes...I got up and took the water jug and glass from his bedside table and poured the contents of the jug into the glass and held it up to Edward's mouth..He leaned his body up a little and drank the whole glass dry before lying back down. I put the glass back down on the table and went back round to sit on the chair.

"Where's Jacob?" Edward asked.

"He lived...However he is facing charges over drink-driving...That is all I have been able to find out"

"Oh" Edward said as he closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again.

"You scared us, son" I admitted he tilted his head back to me.

"I'm sorry, dad" he choked out his eyes filling up with more tears I stood up and kissed his forehead...I then leant my forehead on his as he sobbed quietly underneath me...I wanted to wrap my arms around him but I couldn't considering his ribs were still broken.

"I know why you drank, Edward...Just promise me next time that you will tell me what is bothering you and we will sort it out together, okay?" I whispered our heads still connected.

Edward nodded beneath me and swallowed loudly "I love you, dad"

I released my head on his and took my gaze down to rest on his own teary eyes...I put my hand on his cheek as he choked a sob under my hold.

"I never say it enough, Edward...I love you too" I said as he smiled...I let go of his face and leant my fore head on his allowing him the opportunity to release all of his emotions.

I knew my son wasn't just crying because of his accident...He was crying for Bella and Alice as well...I wanted to be there for him as much as I could through this. I missed my daughter dreadfully but I was not prepared to lose the rest of my family.

I would try my hardest to make everything right again.

*~Bella~*

I opened the door to the unit and put a jacket around myself...I heard a baby cry and it was coming from the direction of where Danny had been placed when I had been here once before...However there was no incubator there anymore...There was a trolley instead with an open top..The kind that babies were supposed to go in when they were born. I walked over to the trolley and saw that on top of the trolley held the name.

_Daniel Oscar Hale_

I looked down and saw that Danny had been the one crying..His eyes were full of tears the eyes that belonged to Alice...he was shaking the whole of his body around and I instantly melted...There was no sign of Jasper anywhere and I hadn't seen him on the way up here, either.

"Hey..Are you the one who is making all that noise?" I cooed trying to fight back my own tears...Danny continued to cry...I bent down and picked him up in my arms and held him close to my chest and rocked him gently to calm him down.

"Listen..I have no idea about what to say to my godson.." I started rocking him a little harder...His cries got louder and I looked around..There weren't even any nurses. What was I going to do?

Then I had a thought...When I was a baby there was one song that my mother had sung to me to make me fall asleep...I never remembered what it was until my school choir did it one year..I found out the name of it and learnt the words so that I could sing it to my own children...My mum had said it had always worked with me every time...Now it would be perfect because the title of the song was Daniel's shortened name.

I looked around the unit again before clearing my throat..._Please make this work!_

I looked down at Danny whose face had turned a shade of deep red because of the extent of his crying...I started to sing in my very horrible voice but I started off quietly so that I wouldn't startle him.

_Oh Danny boy_

_The pipes the pipes are calling_

_From glen to glen and down the mountainside_

_The summer's gone_

_And all the flowers are dying_

'_Tis you tis you must go and I must bide..._Danny's sobs began to subside and I smiled in relief...I took him in my arms over to the only window and looked outside at the woodland view.

_But come ye back_

_When summer's in the meadow_

_Or when the valleys hushed and white with snow_

'_Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow_

_Oh Danny boy oh Danny boy I love you so_.

I looked away from the view and down at Danny whose eyes had brightened up...He looked surprised by something but he was no longer crying..I carried on in the hope that he would eventually fall asleep. I had such a beautiful godson..He was going to melt everyone's hearts just like his mother had done.

_And if you come_

_When all the flowers are dying_

_If I am dead, as dead I well may be_

_I pray you'll find the place where I am lying_

_And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me_

_And I shall hear thou soft you tread above me_

_And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be_

_Then you will kneel and whisper that you love me_

_And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me_

_I shall sleep in peace until you come to me._

There was a complete silence that had fallen over the unit....I walked away from the window's bright light and turned my back on it to look down at Danny...He had fallen asleep peacefully in my arms..I smiled and kissed his forehead lightly...I let my silent tears fall. Danny was so much like Alice maybe even more so than Jasper.

"You have a good voice you know" I turned around to the side slowly so as not to wake the baby...Jasper was standing there with Esme they were both smiling at me. I bit down on my lip.

"I'm sorry..He was crying and-" I started

"Bella...It's fine...Besides I may need you to come and do that again" Jasper said with a smile...I looked down at Danny's sleeping face and back up to Jasper.

"You know he's really beautiful, Jasper" I choked out ad he shrugged.

"It seems like he has inherited Alice's beauty more than mine" he remarked as he walked towards me..Esme stayed where she was her arms folded the same small smile on her features. Jasper stood in front of me and looked down at his son.

"You're good with him" he said looking up at me...I scoffed lightly.

"I am sure we will have a bond soon" I said wearily.

"I still want you to be godmother, Bella" I smiled holding back the sobs.

"Jasper I'm sorry" I choked out.

"How about you put Danny down and come outside with us...You have sent all these babies to sleep and it would be a shame for them all to wake up now" he answered me with a smile. I turned around and bent over to put Danny gently back where he had been...pulling his blanket over him. Jasper took my hand and walked out with me..Esme followed behind.

Jasper led me out of the baby unit altogether and into a small corridor...He released my hand and stood in front of me stopping my own movements..He wrapped his arms around me.

"I can't thank you enough for being there for Alice when Danny was born, Bella" he hugged me tightly...I put my hands on his shoulders and cried into his shirt...He put a hand in my hair to soothe me. "Bella...It's okay...I am not mad at you" he soothed and I cried harder. "I know why you went away..It mustn't have been easy on you and I know you loved her, Bella" Jasper's voice was breaking now as he was probably fighting back tears of his own.

"I did...I really did, Jasper" I said into his shoulder...He pulled his arms back from around me and stroked my cheek...I leant into his hand sniffing loudly.

"I will talk about this more with you, later...I need to go and speak to a nurse...I love you, Bella" he whispered.

"I love you too" I choked out...Jasper took his hand off of my cheek and walked away behind me in the opposite direction..I could feel Esme's stare on me...I turned around to face her my eyes wet with my tears.

"Are you mad at me?" I choked out...Esme's face scrunched up as she began to cry and I looked down at the floor..._Of course she's mad at you, Bella you idiot!_

I looked back up at her "I am so sorry" I said biting down on my lip again. Esme walked towards me and I was prepared for another slap like Rosalie's...I deserved that.

Esme threw her arms around me fast and leant her head on my shoulder...I hesitantly put my hands on her back in case she was about to release me just as quick as she had held me.

Esme didn't..She stayed in my hold for a good five minutes before looking up at my face..Her hands still around my shoulders.

"You should have told us, Bella!" she said and I nodded.

"I know...I know I should have done." I choked out

"I don't want to lose another daughter, Bella...Please don't do that to us again" she pleaded.

"I won't...I promise you I won't" I stated in a clearer voice and Esme sighed.

"You know I miss Alice, Bella...I desperately needed to tell someone about it besides Carlisle but Rosalie wasn't the same...I wanted to talk to you, Bella...You are always so amazing to talk to"

"You can talk to me, Esme...Now I'm back you can"

"I just want my daughter back, Bella" she choked tears falling back down her face..I began crying again as well.

"I know" I said pulling her back in a tight hold "We all do" I said as I kissed her shoulder letting both her and myself cry together in the privacy of the corridor.

*~Emmett~*

I lay with Rose on her bed...Holding her firmly in my arms...The two of us had been in complete silence with only our inner thoughts to think about...Rose was in shock by all of this as well as I had been however I did not condone what she had done to Bella...I understood that she was angry but she did not have to be violent towards Bella...That was something that I had already made clear to her.

"What are we going to do about the engagement?" Rose said after a few minutes...I swear sometimes this woman could read my mind.

"We will tell my parents when Edward has recovered"

"I am not scared about telling them...I just don't want to celebrate this so soon after-" Rose broke off and I ran my hand through her hair.

"I know, babe...Don't worry about anything right now...I will always want to marry even if we ended up getting married in twenty years from now"

"I can't help but think that Alice won't be here to see me get married...I had my heart set on her and Bella being my bridesmaids"

"So now you will result in having none?"

"I don't know"

"Sweetie...Please don't be angry at Bella for too long...She has been there for you before"

"How did you know?"

"She told me"

"Of course she did" Rose said sarcastically

"Look...She never speaks ill of you, Rose...She knows she has done wrong..Does that not mean anything?"

"Of course it does...It just doesn't help that she took the approach she did"

"I agree with you...Maybe we do not know Bella as much as we thought we did...I mean the only person she has ever had a REAL heart to heart with is my parents and Edward..Even I haven't listened to her problems she has listened to mine instead"

"I know you're right...I can't help but feel angry at her"

"I know...But can you at least try and see her for what she was before life affected her? For me?"

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you"

I pushed her away from my chest as she looked up at me. "I love you...You know" I stated

"I know..I love you too" I leant my lips to press on Rosalie's...She responded and sighed contently against my mouth..We broke away and I pulled her back down.

I didn't know then whether things between Rose and Bella would be the same again....But I would try and make them better...Alice would have wanted that.

I was never going to deny my late sister anything..Even if she was now beyond the grave.

*~Bella~*

I was sitting down cradling Esme in my arms when the double doors opened and Jasper came back into the room with Carlisle in pursuit behind him..Esme lifted her head from my chest and we both looked at the new arrivals in the corridor.

"Hi sweetheart" Esme greeted Carlisle..He leant over my lap to connect my lips with Esme's I took my arm away and stood up allowing him to take my seat. I looked at Jasper and he put his arm around me..I leant into his chest...He kissed my forehead. Carlisle and Esme were whispering about something but both Jasper and I were not looking directly at them we didn't want to spoil the moment.

"Jasper is it okay if you drive me home? I want to see Danny again" Esme asked him with a brightening look in her eyes as she mentioned her Grandson's name.

"Of course, Esme" Jasper answered...I looked up at Carlisle who was smiling at me...He stood up and held out his hand.

"Come on, Bella..Let's go home" he said with an assuring smile...I wriggled out of Jasper's hold and took Carlisle's hand.

"Thank you for doing that, Jasper...You will stay round ours again tonight won't you?" Carlisle asked Jasper and he smiled appreciatively.

"Yes..Thank you, Carlisle" He said...He took Esme's arm and lifted her up from the seat the two of them waved at us as they went back down the corridor to the unit..I looked up at Carlisle.

Carlisle leant down and kissed my head putting his hand round my shoulder in the same way as Jasper had done and led me down the stairs and outside of the hospital.

I climbed into the passenger seat of Carlisle's car...I had missed the seats and the smell of masculinity in the confined air of the car...Carlisle and I were silent again as we drove all the way home..It was now nigh time and the sky was filled with scattered stars.

Carlisle parked the car in the driveway and I unbuckled my belt and climbed out...Carlisle held my hand again as we walked up to the house...He reached for his keys with his free hand and unlocked the door leading me into the living room and closing the door behind us.

I turned to face him as he took off his coat...He held out his hand and I immediately took mine off from my shoulders he hung mine up on the same hook as his and then took a deep breath as he faced me.

"Come and talk with me, Bella" he said holding his hand out a second time..I nodded biting down on my lip and taking it.

Carlisle and I walked down to his office and went inside.

It was now or never...would I now have to explain everything to Carlisle? Will he send me back to Sandgrove? God I hoped not!

I also hoped that he would understand what I had done...I was already genuinely sorry for it...I also knew that he had stayed with Edward when he had admitted that he didn't want to see me.

I needed to know whether I was looking at losing my boyfriend forever doomed to a life being just his sister again.

My body ached again at having to wait for the answer.

**It's my birthday on Friday so I will update one more time (Maybe twice if you are lucky!) and then I will not update again until next week...I have a whole weekend for my birthday..Not just ONE day ****.**

**Please R+R and tell me what you think...Your thoughts are essential to my writing.**

**Love to all who are still reading**

**.S.**

**X x**


	38. Limbo

**Bonjour ma cherries!**

**I am REALLY hoping that people are receiving emails when I update a new chapter because I am getting nothing in my mailbox****!**

**Thank YOU to 'cullengirl08, mulf and laceycrazy08' for reviewing last chapter.**

**A little note to 'melanie121' – That was INTENTIONAL...Jasper was going to put his own on in THIS chapter ****!**

**Okay not a lot from me for a change...I do NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML!**

**(I ALSO own my new fanfic 'A Swan's Melody' which I am SOO excited about starting once this story finishes...I have big plans for it!)**

**Songs for this chapter: 'The Rose**

'**Wind beneath my wings' ****Bette Midler**

*~Bella~*

(Next day)

I kept Carlisle's hand securely in mine as we both walked into the office...Carlisle flicked on the light switch and started to walk over to the desk with me...I stopped my movements and tugged on his arm...He looked at me confused and stopped his own movements too.

"Can we sit on that sofa? I've just never been on it and...-" I started putting my free hand in my pocket and keeping my body still.

"Of course...I have never had reason to use it before now anyway...Have a seat" Carlisle smiled and let go of my hand...I sat down on the sofa allowing my body to sink under the softness of the cushions..Carlisle stood in front of me with his arms folded around his chest.

"Look dad...I know you must be mad at me...Deep down inside somewhere I mean I don't know but...I really am sorry" I started the butterflies still fluttering around my stomach at increased speed.

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" Carlisle replied softly...He didn't look angry in his face but he could have been keeping it under wraps fighting with himself to keep his voice calm..How was I supposed to know? At this moment in time I wish someone could have the ability to read other's minds...It would be somewhat a comfort in situations like these.

"I panicked...I couldn't function right when Alice went...It was like a whole chunk of me went with her..The worst part was that I was there in her final moments and she was so scared about having the baby and I kept saying to her that she could do it..Spurring her on as best I could but I was struggling too..I hated seeing her like that" I explained...I began to cry again...The images of Alice's face when she held my hand giving birth swirling around my head.

"I should start by saying thank you for that, Bella...If she were alone then I don't know whether she would have been able to go into labour at all" Carlisle said..I looked down at the floor.

"You shouldn't thank me...I wasn't able to do anything anyway...I wanted to believe that we could get through it together and have a stronger bond at the end but-" I trailed off...I could hear myself speak and I knew I wasn't making much sense...It aggravated me a little because I had done the apology speech a few times now...It should be easier the more times that you do it...Not for me!

"Can I sit down, Bella?" Carlisle asked. I looked up at him.

"It's your office" Carlisle smiled and sat down...His eyes on the corners of mine as I gazed back down to the floor.

"There was nothing you could have done" Carlisle said quietly almost in a whisper.

"I know that now"

"So...Living here when Alice had gone..Was too much for you?" I nodded keeping a lid on the sobs once more. "Why didn't you tell us, Bella...Tell me...I've always been here"

"I know...I didn't tell you because...I didn't want to send me back to Sandgrove...I thought that if I did things by myself then I could do anything in life"

"Let's make something clear...I would never have sent you back there without your permission...I only sent you there the second time because you were about to hurt yourself...Did you ever feel like you wanted to do that again after Alice died?"

"No...It never even crossed my mind...However I did hate myself more than I have ever done in my life and I didn't want anyone around me because I felt like I didn't deserve them"

"That's silly, Bella"

"It didn't feel silly at the time...It felt right"

"That's your depression talking...Do you honestly think that I would take you back to hospital before I even got the chance to talk to you about it first?"

"I didn't know what to think...I still don't." I looked up at Carlisle then...He took a deep breath and opened both his arms out as he twisted his body to the side...I scooted my body over to lean into him but Carlisle grabbed my waist and pulled me up onto his lap with almost no effort needed...He held me close to him as I leant my head on his gazing away from him again as I took in the moment.

"We all miss her, Bella...When we saw your note..All of us..We thought we were never going to see you again" Carlisle's voice was breaking...I tilted my head to look up at him...I saw his tears fall and I wiped them away with my hands as he let me do it.

"Don't cry because of me...Because of what I did...I can't bear it...You have always been the strongest one in this family, dad...I don't know what I would ever have done without you"I choked out through my own falling tears...I had really hurt everyone and it tore me apart to realise that Carlisle had been suffering too. I continued to wipe his eyes as more tears fell through them.

"We just love you...I love you so much, Bella...I was scared that I was losing another daughter"

"I won't leave again...I promise...If you never believe me again then believe that..I can't leave..Not now"

"Promise me...Promise me, Bella?"

"I promise" I said with a small smile...I leant up a little and kissed his forehead once at kissed the top of his head...He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close.

Carlisle and I had hugged before...But never like this...I had done him wrong and he was still grieving for Alice..I didn't know whether to feel happy or sad that he was back in my life again...However my thoughts suddenly came onto Edward..I let go of Carlisle and climbed off of his lap yanking his hold off of me..I walked over to the window and looked out with my back to my dad.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked me from across the room.

"Edward just came into my head...That's all" I answered looking away from him.

"I'm sorry about the way he spoke to you before"

"Don't apologise for him...I made him drink...I am the one who has to live with that and...I'm okay with it"

"Are you?"

I turned to face Carlisle again putting my hands in my pockets "Yes...It is Edward's choice now about our relationship..He gets first say..I owe him that much...It doesn't matter what I think"

"It takes two people to make a relationship, Bella"

"Where was I in the two weeks that I stayed here before going back to England? I pushed him away that hardly makes me a good candidate for a relationship or a good girlfriend"

"I know why you did that...Edward doesn't understand the way your mind goes like I do"

"He's my boyfriend...He should know everything about me and I chose now to make my mind known to him?!"

"Bella...Calm down, please?" Carlisle got up but I backed away the window sill bashing my lower back.

"Is he really very angry at me, dad?" I choked out...I needed to know and the question did blurt out of my body faster than I could register what I had said.

"He will come round" Carlisle replied.

"So that is a yes, then?"

"He is angry, Bella"

"I know he is...I just need to know from you...Honestly...Do we have another chance?"

"I don't know...That will have to be up to you and him"

"Please...Dad...As an onlooker?" I pleaded.

"You both love each other...Far more at the moment than either of you wish to express...You and him must hold onto that love"

"You can fall out of love with someone, dad"

"You and Edward? Fall out of love with each other? I don't think so somehow, Bella"

"So should I hold on to a false hope or tell myself that is over?"

"Wait...Just wait, Bella...Edward will be home in a few days and then maybe when you two are under the same roof you will find a way to talk to each other about it...I am not big on the knowledge of young love, Bella...I fell in love later in my life"

"You don't think we are too young to be going into a relationship right now...We are also adopted siblings in case you haven't noticed"

"You're not related by blood...Besides being adopted siblings never stopped you going out with each other before...Why should it prevent anything from happening now?" Carlisle had a point...I just wish I knew what was in store for me and Edward...Whether there were such things as crystal balls in reality.

"So...You're not sending me back to the hospital?"

Carlisle walked over to me and wrapped me in his arms again "I won't lose you again, Bella" he replied..I sighed in relief as we stood there hugging.

How could I have been so stupid?

Edward didn't know me....I sure had got Carlisle wrong...Maybe I just need to know more about my family before I go ahead and fend for myself.

(Next day)

"Bella?" I heard a faint calling of my name over the loud sounds of my hairdryer...I looked over to the door and saw Jasper standing there...I immediately turned the switch off.

"Sorry" I said apologetically biting down on my lip.

"That's alright...Would you do me a favour today?"

"Of course..Anything!" I answered fiddling with the ends of my still-moist hair.

"Would you come with me to see Alice today?" Jasper shuffled his feet as he waited for my answer.

"Yes, sure" I said with a smile and he smiled back.

"Thank you...Do you want any breakfast..I am making some for me so...-" he trailed off and I fought back a giggle...Jasper was just too sweet when he would say something sentimental.

"No thank you very much for asking though...I will be down soon" I replied.

"Okay, great" Jasper walked away from my door and down the stairs...I turned my hairdryer back on and finished drying my hair until it was dry to the bone. Thank god I was dressed already...I don't think that Jasper would have wanted to see me in only my towel.

I wrapped the wire around the hairdryer and the straighteners when I had finished and put them both back in their usual drawer in my chest of drawers...I took my used towels out of the bathroom and walked down the stairs with them and into the wash room...I put them on a hot cycle and then went into the kitchen where Jasper had already finished his food and was drying his plate with the dishtowel.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" he asked turning around to face me as I entered.

"Yes thank you" I said before walking over to the fridge...I pulled out the carton of Juice.

Jasper watched me as I pulled out a glass from the cabinet and poured the contents of the carton into the tumbler..I was silent as I went back to the fridge and put the carton back in.

"I could have got that for you" Jasper said as I took a sip from my glass.

"I have been waited on too many times...I need to hunt for myself sometimes" I said honestly and he chuckled.

"That's fair enough...I like to be useful" he put the now dried plate away and hung the dishtowel back on the rack under the sink counter.

"So are you looking forward to having Danny home?" I asked him.

"You bet...My mom is even more excited about it" he replied

"Must be nerve-wracking though"

"Yeah I mean I'm terrified I am not going to lie to you but I am excited as well"

"That's good" I finished up the juice and went over to the sink to wash it out...Jasper moved out of the way and balanced himself against the counters at the side.

"So are you ready to go?" Jasper asked.

"Yes" I replied putting the glass on the draining rack next to the sink...He then led the way out into the living room as I followed behind him...As he was taking his keys off of the side table I wrapped my coat around my shoulders and pulled my hair out from beneath the collar.

It was another cold day in Forks...I didn't mind it in the slightest anymore I was just glad that Alice had brought me coats when I first came here...I would have undoubtedly frozen to death if I hadn't owned any. The car right was silent apart from the muffling music on the radio...I felt awkward being in Jasper's car and not having anything to talk to him about. As Jasper climbed out off the car he went around the back to fetch something in the boot...He pulled out a large...And I mean LARGE bunch of baby blue roses...he had stuck what looked like pictures on the side of the paper and there was a small tag hanging down in the same shape and colour of the blooms...I had wondered why Jasper's name hadn't been put on the family bouquet but now it made sense as he must have decided to have his own one for Alice. I felt sad again as he straightened out the paper balancing the flowers in one hand as he pushed down the boot with the other hand to close it. He looked up at me, then.

"Your mom and dad offered to put mine and Danny's name down on their flowers but I wanted to get one of our own." I smiled.

"They're beautiful"

"Alice's favourite flowers were roses...She didn't have a favourite colour though...It took me ages to find these and I ended up ordering them from a gardening depot...The blue is for our baby son"

"Alice would have loved them" I said with as much of a steady voice as I could manage but the picture in front of me was just so tragic....Jasper and Alice were meant to be together and they were meant to have their son and bring him up together but fate dealt them both an awful hand.

"Thank you" Jasper smiled...I could see his eyes watering and I bit down on my lip...This was just too horrible..The world could be so goddamn cruel.

Jasper took my hand with his free one as we walked through the small gate and we paced the route to Alice's grave in silence letting the birdsong and the bitter wind surround us...Even though the weather wasn't nice in this particular part of America..It was always peaceful.

I released Jasper's hand and sat down on the same bench that I had sat on with Tess only yesterday...Jasper walked over to Alice's grave by himself. I took my gaze away from him and up to the sky watching the birds fly across the white sheet that was the huddled clouds..I didn't want to look it would make me too sad and the moment was Jasper's I wasn't going to ruin it.

Jasper took his time but he startled me when he suddenly sat down beside me putting his hands in his lap...There was an awkward silence.

"You know..Esme and I went to see Edward before we came home yesterday" Jasper started...The pain in my abdomen came back at the mention of Edward's name.

"Did you?" I asked not looking at him.

"Yes..He is awake now...But you already know that don't you?"

"Yes"

"Must be hard for you...Having the person you love in the hospital"

"Jasper what are you trying to say?" I knew there was a hidden meaning behind this conversation.

"He said that he didn't want to see you again and I was wondering how you were coping"

"Edward made it clear to me yesterday..Not in your words however"

"What happened?"

"Edward woke up..He was calling for Esme as he came back to consciousness but he saw me instead..I felt like an idiot because I wanted to say to him how I felt and I wanted to comfort him...He said that I was so good at fucking off that I should do it then...He said he didn't want me there"

"Ouch!"

"It's okay...I was prepared for it"

"Were you?"

"Yeah...I can't really expect him to welcome me back with open arms can I?"

"He could have acted a bit better, though"

"No...That is the way that Edward is."

"You really love him don't you?"

I looked up at Jasper then and sighed out loud. "More than my own life"

"I never realised how much you felt for each other...Alice used to think that I was blind..She saw it before everyone else you see.."

"Yes..She had a way of doing that"

"Well Edward only changed when you came into our lives, Bella...Before you there was no reasoning with him about ANYTHING...He did what he wanted and woe betide anyone who got in his way. You changed him, Bella"

"I haven't"

"Trust me...You have...He will forgive you, Bella"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Sometimes a person just knows...You and Edward are exactly the way Alice and I were when we started going out...Inseperate from the beginning but then we hit rough patches but we still loved each other even if she did drive me up the wall sometimes and I would drive HER insane"

"Edward couldn't drive me insane...He couldn't"

"You love unconditionally don't you?"

" I don't really know.." I trailed off.

"Yes you do...You're like me...I love and trust too hard and before Alice it had gotten me into trouble"

"Alice was like you"

"Exactly...Just like Edward loves the same way that you do...You show it a lot more than he does, however"

"Can we please stop talking about him...I'm sorry it just...Hurts too much" I admitted.

"Of course...I did not mean to bring it up...I was curious"

"I am glad that you are curious...I would be too if we were in role-reversal"

Jasper and I laid that conversation to rest as we continued to sit on the bench together in silence.

*~Emmett~*

"Emmett...I really don't think this is a good idea" Rose said to me as I took Bella's old diary out of her bedside table.

"Bella said that she wanted Edward to read it...Now that he is awake..He can" I said closing the drawer and putting it in my coat pocket.

"What makes you think that he would want to read it?"

"Why you want him to break up with Bella don't you?"

"I don't think it is wrong to think that"

"Well I do!" I exclaimed walking past Rose and down the stairs.

"Look Emmett I am allowed to think the things I do!"

"Yes...I am not saying you aren't but Bella and Edward belong together...Just like you and I do and I will not see them both suffer because of this!"

"Emmett you are being ridiculous!"

"Ridiculous or just sensible, Rose?!" I stood in front of her my stance intentionally strong...I was not going to back down to her this time..This was my family and I was not going to watch us all fall apart.

"Ridiculous...You have completely forgotten about what she did and now...You are going to flounce around and play cupid for them?!"

"I won't forget what she did...But I also won't forget how she has always been there for us...That means so much more to me than one mistake"

"But Emmett-" Rose walked towards me and I backed away from her.

"You stay here...I don't think I want you to come with me" I spat and walked out of the door...I walked across the gravel and climbed into my jeep.

I felt bad about the way I had spoken to Rose...However I had bigger things on my mind.

I parked in the car lot of the hospital and locked my Jeep as I climbed out and closed the door...I walked pass reception gaining the usual nod from the receptionist as I made my way to 'Oak Ward'.

The corridor was a little busier on the ward today and I almost had a run-in with an elderly woman with a trolley full of dirty cutlery but missed it a near-escape.

I opened Edward's door to find him asleep his breathing heavy...I walked over and put Bella's diary on the foot by his bed. Instead of waking him I walked back out and went up to see Danny.

I just hoped he would wake up and read it soon....He needed to know Bella's mind in the past and how it affects her now..He would never understand her properly if he didn't read it.

*~Esme~*

(Later)

After saying goodbye to Emmett when he had joined me to see Danny I walked down to Edward's room..Emmett had told me that he was asleep when he had been in there earlier...Maybe now he would be awake.

I opened the door slowly and something on Edward's bed caught my gaze...It was a book of some sort...I closed the door and sat down on the seat taking the book off of the bed...Edward's breathing was heavy and I knew that he was still asleep..I knew my son inside and out that way.

I had just turned the first page to see a scribbly child-like scroll inside the cover..It was red crayon and it had faded slightly round some of the lettering.

Bella Swan's Diary

I gawked at the name with my mouth open..Why would Edward have Bella's diary? Was he really going to read this? Without Bella's consent? I thought better of him than that.

"Mom?" I looked up from the book to see Edward's eyes open and his head drifted my way...I closed the book and held it up in the air for him to see it.

"You have Bella's diary?" I acknowledged.

"What?"

"Bella's diary...Why is it on your bed?" I asked

"How the hell should I know? I don't want to read it...and I haven't if that is what you are accusing me of"

I put the book on my lap and took a deep breath.

"You shouldn't be so quick to be angry at her, Edward"

"Mom...Don't start on me...I have made a decision and I am sticking by it"

"So everything that you've had together just goes out the window does it?"

"Everything we had went when she decided to go back to England...Also when she wouldn't let me near her before she went...She was already gone and I failed to realise it"

"Why don't you understand her actions, Edward?"

"Why do you all UNDERSTAND them?!"

"Bella's our child"

"It wasn't just ME she left though was it, mom"

"She is sorry"

"That may be so...But I am not sorry for not wanting her here."

"Why are you being like this?"

"I am not being like anything...This is the way I am...Who I have always been"

I shook my head "No...You are better than this"

"Isn't growing up all about making your own decisions, mom?"

"Not this kind of decision...Don't shut her out"

"I am allowed to do as I please"

"Without hearing her side of the story...You are being very stubborn about this, Edward"

"Stubbornness is good in life...Sometimes we all need to do things for ourselves and not worry about other people"

"That's exactly what Bella did...She went away for herself"

"That's different...She had no reason to leave because she was surrounded by people who wanted to help her...Her act was out of selfishness..Not stubbornness"

"You know Edward when are you going to wake up and realise that you still love each other...You have something special?"

"I did love her...There will always be a part of me that will love her but right now I do not want to be anywhere near her"

"So you give up on her?"

"She gave up on us...I am merely finalising the deal"

"Your mom had you all wrong"

"Here we go with the mom card...Don't make me feel guilty about this!"

"Your mom said that you had the potential to be whoever you wanted to be...You had a pure heart that loved completely and intentionally and that you were a good person who merely had bad luck in the world"

"Okay fine so I am not a nice person...I do not have the potential to be who I want and I do not have a pure heart...I almost DIED, mom...Does that not mean anything?"

"How could you say that? Of course it does mean something and you know it!"

"So what are you getting at?"

"You HAVE the potential and you DO have the heart...Right now at this moment you are NOT a good person"

"Well I am glad we have got that cleared up"

"There's nothing I can say to persuade you otherwise is there?"

"No"

I stood up then kicking the chair out from underneath me. "Well as of right now, Edward...I do not want you anywhere near ME! When you have grown up then you can think about speaking to me again but not before. I have never been so upset with you as I have right now!" I stormed out of the room and slammed it behind me.

How could my son have a nerve to speak to me like that?!

I hope he stays away from me for a while because I am not going to be able to control myself.

*~Bella~*

"I am going back to the hospital to see Danny...Did you want to come with me?" Jasper asked as he stood up looking down at me as I remained on the bench.

"I will come and see him later...I have to sort something out first" I answered.

"Did you want me to give you a lift home?" he offered.

"No thank you...I enjoy the walk" Jasper kissed my forehead and left the graveyard...I didn't see him drive away instead I walked over to Alice's grave and knelt in front of it.

"Hi Alice...It's me again" I said feeling a little silly that I must have looked like I was talking to myself things are getting a little easier but I am still worried about Edward...What should I do? I mean should I wait like dad told me or should I just let go and prevent myself from any pain later on?" I looked at her name on the grave and sighed. "No I know exactly what you would say...You'd say that we were meant to be together and that the only thing that mattered in our lives are each other and that we should stick together...You know Alice I just don't think that is going to be possible anymore" I sighed in defeat...God I did wish that she was here!

"Bella" I jumped and flipped my head around startled...Mike...Mike Newton was standing a few steps away from me holding a bunch of yellow roses in his hands..I got up and shook out my legs instantly putting my hands in my pockets...What the hell was here doing here?

"Mike...What are you doing here?"

"I heard about Alice...My family requested that I come down and lay these for her...It's from all of us and we just wanted to show that we are thinking about her...About all of you"

Was it wrong to feel a little touched at Mike's answer?

"Oh well...Thank you that's very nice of you...You can put them down if you wish" I said stepping out of the way...Mike knelt down and put the flowers on the soil...He stood back up to face me again he too had his hands in his pockets...Was he feeling just as awkward as I was?

"I know things didn't go down so well with us before, Bella...But I am sorry about Alice"

"I have forgotten about it, Mike...But thank you all the same"

"So how have you been?"

"Um..I could be better"

"You wanna talk about it?"

I considered this for a moment..What was the harm in talking to Mike for a while...I had nothing else better to do.

"Sure why not?"

"Listen it's pretty cold out here...Shall we go inside the church...At least then we will be warm" I nodded and followed him out of the graveyard and into the church..The familiar smell of old books and dust filling my nostrils...Mike sat down on a chair and I plopped down next to him.

"I am not really a big fan of churches" he remarked

"I wasn't for a while but now...I have a little more liking for them"

"So how's life been in the world of Bella?"

"Nothing much has happened, really...Except for Alice being gone nothing HAS changed" I lied...I didn't want to tell Mike about Edward and I because what we had is strictly between me and him and I was never going to tell anyone about what happened between us because it was only ours to share..It was no one else's business. "What about you?"

"Yeah...Things are all-good now I mean I have a job and school is going okay so I have nothing to complain about"

"Oh you're working now?"

"Yeah a mechanical garage down at La Push...It's not much but it's money"

"Yeah I understand"

"You working?"

"Sort of...I haven't started it yet because of all this with Alice but I hope I will be able to start it all soon"

"Cool..Where you working?"

"In Port Angeles...at 'Angeles'"

"Oh I know that place...It's cool!"

"Yeah it is"

"You're out of the hospital now, too?"

"Yes...It's weird now that you mention it...It seems like years ago since I have been there"

"Yeah I agree...Look Bella I know I have been avoiding you and stuff-"

"Mike, please?" I broke him off

"I need to say this, Bella...I never stopped caring for you inside...I stayed away from you because I thought it would be easier to get over the pain but I always thought about you...I have never stopped"

"That's sweet, Mike"

"I am not asking you to be my girlfriend Bella...I just want to say that I am here if you should ever need anything"

"Thanks" I said with a small smile.

Wow things had a way of getting weirder in short amounts of time...I know what I wanted and I know that it would never happen.

I needed Edward.

I needed him so badly that everything hurt when I thought about him or when someone else mentioned his name.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

*~Emmett~*

(Four days later- Late evening)

I walked into Edward's room as he was packing up his overnight bag...I would need to have words with him about Bella but now wasn't the time to do so. I thought about the diary and about whether he had read it or not...I had never asked him because there was a part of me that wanted him to believe it was Bella who had left it for him to read...It wasn't a complete lie but then again it was a long shot expecting him to read it...He was being a complete wanker about the whole thing!

"You ready, bro?" I asked him putting on a cheery voice as I did so.

"Yeah" he mumbled back...I took the bag away from the bed and lifted it over my shoulder...I opened the door for him. Due to his injury Edward was still hobbling somewhat when he walked and he would still have to have the bandages around his waist for a few weeks but his cuts had cleared and his bruise no longer visible on his face...The only things that didn't look right on his face were the dark circles under his eyes from his lack of sleep and his moody facial expression. I wasn't much happier having to drive him home either but he could have at least been more grateful about it.

I waved to the receptionist and she waved enthusiastically back...I didn't see Edward's expression as he walked in front of me which I was grateful for because his face was probably in need of a good punch right now. Edward said nothing on the ride home and I had kept silent only because he had done...I wasn't going to talk and pretend to be civil when he looked like a serial killer with wounds.

I threw his bag back over my shoulder and helped him out of the passenger side and we walked into the house together...His weight only slightly balancing on my own. Rosalie got up from the living room chair.

"Hi Edward" she said pleasantly..._She was loving this...She was loving the fact that Edward did not want to be anywhere near Bella and I didn't like her for thinking it._

"Hi Rose" Edward said...I walked straight past my fiancée without even looking her way and up to Edward's room...I opened the door and let him inside...I looked down at the crack underneath Bella's door and saw that her lamp was on..She must have been reading or writing. I followed Edward into his room and put his bag on the bed..I was about to walk out again when he stopped me.

"Hey!" I turned around..Edward was going through his bag. "You can have this back" he said throwing Bella's diary at me...I caught it in my chest.

"What makes you think that I left it for you?" I threw the diary onto the bedroom floor but kept my gaze on my brother.

"I am not stupid, Emmett..Whatever it is you are trying to do just stop!"

"How am I doing anything?" I decided to play the dumb one here...Maybe I could get something out of him.

"Don't patronize me!" Edward yelled...My anger boiled up then.

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"Or what?!"

"You are being an absolute bastard, Edward...Do you know that?"

"Didn't hurt me when mom said it and it won't affect me now!"

"I don't know what Bella saw in you...Why she still loves you is beyond me"

"YEAH, WELL I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EVER SAW IN BELLA!" Edward shouted...I couldn't help it...I saw red...I stormed over to Edward and grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him back to the wall nearest to the door...Causing his back to slam hard against it.

"LISTEN TO ME YOU WANKER BECAUSE I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE...BELLA IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU...GROW UP AND REALISE THAT YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HER!"

"I AM DOING WELL BY MYSELF!"

"YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARROGANT TWAT...DON'T BLAME ME WHEN EVERYTHING TURNS TO SHIT!"

"Emmett?" I heard Bella cry and I looked to the side of me and saw that she was standing there...I looked at her face and instantly pulled my shoulders back down.

Bella reached over and pried my hands gently off of Edward's shirt as I stepped away from him and out of the room straight away leaving Bella alone in the room with my bastard of a brother.

*~Bella~*

Everything had gone by so quickly...I stood beside Edward as he straightened his shirt down and stepped away from me and back over to his bed he had not looked at me once and I felt slightly intimidated by his presence but I couldn't move my legs...I was battling with myself to leave and not to stay with him.

"Are you okay?" I asked him...My voice choking from the shock of the scene I had just witnessed. Edward turned to me his jaw was clenched and one of his hands was on his waist.

"What do you care? Go away" He said to me sternly...Tears filled my eyes and I put both my upper and lower lips to stop my sobs...I didn't want him to see that he has upset me...I walked out and closed the door behind me.

Emmett was standing near the second staircase.

"I'm sorry, Bella...I just-" I didn't hear him finish...I sunk to my knees and released my tears hugging my knees to my chest...I kept the sobs silent but I wailed out anyway. I missed Edward and I knew now that he was never going to be mine again...This was where the pain would begin.

I was clouded by my emotion...I could see Emmett's feet briefly in front of me.

*~Emmett~*

I knelt down and kissed Bella's forehead as she began to cry uncontrollably...I then lifted her waist up with both my hands and pulled her up off of the floor and into my arms...She wrapped her legs around my waist and I held her close as I climbed the stairs up to my room...I didn't want her to go back to her room where it would be possible for her to run into Edward in the morning...I was so angry at my brother right now it wasn't even funny. Bella continued to sob loudly on my shoulder as I opened the door to my room and let her in. Rose was sitting on the bed.

"Emmett..What's happened?"

"I need you to go to Bella's room, Rose...I will be down in a minute" I said nicely and she smiled and walked out of the room. I sat down and pulled Bella into my lap.

"Did he hurt you, Bella?" I asked her.

"No" she wailed out...I rocked her from side to side.

"I am so sorry" I said using one of my hands to stroke her hair...It broke my heart to see her so upset.

"I love him so much, Emmett...I love him so much"

"I know....I know you do, Bella...I am here sweetie" I assured her.

Bella's sobs subsided after a long fifteen minutes and she then went limp in my arms...I stood up still holding her and leant down to pull my duvet cover back...I slowly lowered Bella under the duvet making sure I didn't buckle suddenly and land on top of her..When she was straight on the bed lying on her back I pulled the duvet over her...She wouldn't be disturbed up here.

I kissed her forehead and turned the bedside lamp off.

I closed the door and went back to Bella's room.

My brother was going to pay for this...Simple as that!!

**I will TRY one more update before next week but I DO have a lot of work on and I also have some much needed drinking time on my hands too.**

**I received reviews from 'hmwhitlock2000 and SammiDrake' just now...Thank you for those! X**

**Also a little note to 'C-U-Next-Tuesday'...Firstly GREAT NAME ****second I wish you a happy birthday for Friday too! It's a good date isn't it? **

**R+R my lovelies...Your thoughts mean TOO much.**

**Thanks for reading**

**Love**

**.S.**

**X x**


	39. Changing People

**Bonne chance!**

**I was really pleased to see that I have mixed reviews about everyone's behaviour...I LOVE it! It makes it so much easier to write knowing that everyone is batting for different sides.**

**Now I need to THANK lots of people for reviewing last chapter...This list is:**

***'kallamigk, TwilighterLexi, EllaJ 18, Katie Lou Lou x, LucasTillGirl, melanie121, hmwhitlock2000, Devil Nightmare, Miss. Ally Lautner, cullengirl08 and Raven Jadewolfe...LOVE LOVE LOVE! X**

**Songs for this chapter: 'Lie in the sound – Trespassers William'**

'**Sleeping with the light on – Busted'**

'**Never gonna be alone – Nickelback'**

**I DO NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML.**

*~Bella~*

"Bella?" I stirred from the softness of my pillow and the undying heat of the duvet cover to open my eyes at the sound of my voice being called above me...I fluttered my eyes open and my gaze fell on the ceiling..._That isn't my ceiling!_ I lifted my head up a little to see Rose standing over me...I took the duvet cover off of myself and was about to get up from the bed when Rose put her hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella....You're in Emmett's room" Rose said

"I am sorry...I will go back to my room now" I stuttered...Knowing how angry Rose was at me...Being in Emmett's room was probably going to send her over the edge.

"No, Bella it's okay...Calm down for a minute" Rose said as she put the duvet back over me "you're going to get cold if you don't put this over you". I lay there staring at Rose bewildered that she was actually speaking to me let alone be in the same room...I had never once blamed her for her behaviour towards me because I had deserved it...I had also always known that Rose reacted differently to everyone else and now it was deemed completely true...And I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Here I got you this" Rose said reaching down to the floor by her feet and pulling up a mug..She handed it over to me "It's camomile...It's supposed to help...Calm people" she said with a shrug...I sat up to sit on my bottom and instantly put my knees up too...I took the lukewarm surface of the mug out of her hand.

"Thank you" I said bringing the mug up to my lips and blowing on the tea...The smell instantly soaring around my nose.

"So how are you feeling?" Rose asked...I looked up at her...I didn't know what to think..Was I still dreaming?

Rose studied my face and bit down on her lip sighing at the same time...I guess the thoughts in my head indicated the look on my face...I really need to work on that. "Bella...I am sorry for hitting you...That was out of line...I get angry sometimes and I do things that I end up regretting." Rose explained...I leant over and put the mug under a book on the bedside table and put both hands in my lap.

"That's okay...You don't need to apologise...I am the one who should apologise...I hit you and I definitely shouldn't have done that"

"Oh I am fine with it...I realise my face does need to be smacked sometimes...That is what Emmett has always said" I glanced at her wearily "Oh he is only joking, Bella"

I smiled and took the mug off of the bedside table and took a sip of tea "I am not sorry for being angry though" Rose finished.

"You shouldn't be" I replied after swallowing my first taste...Camomile was surprisingly nice it had a different kind of taste but it was a welcomed change to me....I put the mug back down on the table nearly missing the table altogether...I was very achy this morning and I knew it was because of being in a new bed to my own.

"So...Are you okay, today?" Rose asked...She looked like she wanted to say more to me in her eyes...But I let that go, I mean I see a lot of things when I am tired and when I have just woken up...The only thing that could ever wake me up properly was a large cup of coffee (preferably the milky kind which I had found out how to make a while ago) or Edward.

I remembered how Edward had been with me the other night....However I do not recall ending up here in Emmett's bed...I would have to talk with him about that later. I still loved Edward but considering the way he was with me at the hospital AND last night has made me realise that I will probably never be his again and he would never be mine...If only he knew how sorry I was then maybe he would be persuaded somewhat to change his mind...It was a long shot because I knew he would refuse to listen to anything I said in the first place probably before I even opened my mouth.

"Are you supposed to feel like this when your heart is breaking?" I asked Rose tears filling up my eyes...I didn't know anything about heartbreak...Love had never come to me and I had never felt the pain of breaking up...I didn't like it though...I'd much prefer to be in love – which I was....At least a PART of me was.

Rose tutted and shot me an apologetic look "yeah...It feels like hell" she said frankly but her voice was soft...I lay my head back down on the pillow and covered my face. I felt movement from the bottom of the bed but I ignored it only concentrating on getting my emotion out...I had cried so much lately surely I have run out of tears by now?!

I put my hands down and looked to the side to find Rosalie balancing on one arm and looking down on me...I didn't want to move in case she hit me again or worse..I couldn't feel my legs anyway so it looked like I wouldn't have to worry.

"Emmett told me what happened last night" Rose said and I nodded...Of course Emmett would tell Rose what had happened...He told her everything and I didn't mind in the slightest.

"Rose...I don't know what to do anymore" I confessed through the my tears...I kept my gaze away from her eyes on principal in case I saw the anger in them once again.

"There's nothing you can do...But mend" she replied and I sighed.

"How do you do that? How CAN I do that? When the one person I want most in my life doesn't want me?!"

"Has he ever said to you that he didn't want you?"

"He didn't need to say anything...It's in his face"

"Edward is angry, Bella"

"I know he is...I know it's MY fault too but is it wrong to want him back even if deep down I know we probably won't be together again?"

"No...It's not wrong...Look in the past I have had my far share of run-ins and heartbreaks but you get through it, Bella...You will get through this"

"As of right now...I don't believe you"

"Time is the greatest of healers...If you believe anyone when they say that then it should be me"

"Okay"

That was the last comment I made about the whole conversation of my heart...In all honesty it hadn't helped one bit because I knew that Rose was still mad at me...It didn't take a mastermind to see that she was fighting back what she truly felt...I was grateful in a little way that she had stayed with me and even if our relationship with each other would never be the same as before...We were being civil to each other and that's all that mattered.

When the going gets tough...You need people there.

Even if it's people who would rather give a wide berth to.

*~Emmett~*

I had finished my breakfast early leaving Rosalie in bed...All I could think about was Bella and how she was suffering right now...I had decided earlier on in the week to go to a game today seeing as it was Saturday and every second Saturday of the month I would go and see either a league game or go out and train for my team at school...That will teach me to be held back a year!

I walked into dad's office ignoring the idea that he may be busy or on the phone to work...I needed to see him and I needed to get my head around about how I was going to sort Edward out...It was him that needed the sorting, Bella already knew she had done wrong and he DID still love her he was just being too stubborn right now to realise it.

"Emmett..What's wrong?" My dad stood up from his desk as I stormed over and stood in front of him.

"I need to speak to you about Edward" I stated sitting down on the seat...Dad continued to stand he looked confused at my statement.

"What about him, Emmett?"

"Dad please sit down?" I asked him...I hated it when people stood in front of me when I was sitting...It made me feel like I was back in elementary school again and the pupil was always considered mud compared to the jewel that was the teacher that had been teaching them...Besides the fact that my dad was also a doctor in a psychiatric hospital made me feel like I was having some kind of therapy when he would stand in front of me himself. Dad sat down and put his hands on the desk.

"Edward will no doubt tell you about it...Well if he does speak to you...Anyway I thought that you should hear it from me-" I trailed off studying my dad's face.

"Okay?" Dad answered patiently.

"I kind of got angry at Edward last night and...it ended up with him being...Pushed against the wall by me" I said biting down on my lip.

"I see" dad answered his face unchanged.

"I didn't mean it, dad...Honest I didn't...I just saw red"

"What were the two of you fighting about?"

"Bella"

At the mention of Bella's name dad took his hands away from the desk and leant back putting his hands in his lap instead..He sighed heavily out loud.

"Their relationship?"

"Yeah" I answered with a smile...Dad always knew what was going to be said...In his weird doctor way it was endearing.

"So what did Edward say or do to make you flip?" Dad was calm...I wasn't used to him being so calm about this as he had always drilled into us that physical violence was never the answer to anything..Maybe things were different now I was an adult.

"I can't remember most of it...You remember in Bella's note when she left for England that she wanted Edward to read her diary?"

"Yes"

"I took her diary out of her room when she wasn't home and I left it with Edward at the hospital...Last night when I brought him home he threw it back to me and accused me of trying to do something with him and Bella"

"And are you? Doing something?"

"Of course I am but I don't want him to know that...He refuses to listen to anyone right now and it's pointless"

"Emmett what is that you are trying to do, son?"

"I want them to get back together, dad" I confessed honestly...Truly I did the two of them were all I could think about and I never thought I would think of any other ONE person more than I did Rosalie but everything was changing right now in our lives and not for the better.

"It is up to them, though Emmett"

"I know...I don't want them to lose what they had I mean...It was special, anyone could see that"

"Emmett..I do not disagree with you in my preferred world I would want them to be together but I would also like to have Alice back with us...Sometimes things just aren't possible"

"I am not taking a back seat, dad...I can't. I found out more things than I ever knew about Bella when I went to get her from England and I am determined to see her come out of the other end. Edward's behaviour is despicable!"

"Edward is hurting...He is also grieving...You have to understand that who he is now is not the way he is in everyday life..We all know who he can be – Bella certainly knows more than any of us"

"Dad...I refuse to watch Bella continue to suffer under the glaring eyes of her former boyfriend..He will hurt her dad, like the way he has hurt mom before in the past..Or had you forgotten that?"

"I haven't forgotten ANY of Edward's wrong doings...I go through my own life praising the good points in him but deep down I am more than aware that he has flaws...Not everyone is perfect, Emmett"

"I don't believe in perfection dad...I believe in justice"

"For Bella?"

"For everyone...Jasper, Rose, you, mom, Bella and Alice...We owe it to Alice to carry on life as normal the way things were when she was alive...You know she used to say how much she loved seeing Edward and Bella together because she saw in them what she once had with Jazz...I want to do this for Alice, dad and not just myself...I need to get Bella and Edward back together"

"In that case...I will help you as best I can. I am aware that your mother had a talk with him the other day when he was in the hospital...She found the diary and confronted him about it"

"I have a feeling that the confrontation wouldn't have gone down very well"

"That's all Esme told me...She refused to speak anymore about it...I couldn't see whether she as angry or upset about it and I know my wife better than anyone on this planet"

"Oh..Dad that reminds me..-"

"Yes?"

I had yet to tell my parents about Rosalie and I but maybe if I just told my dad then he wouldn't make such a big deal out of it...Mom was a hopeless romantic and she would not let me live it down..Alice was so much like her and I didn't want to ruin the memory of Alice when her death was still rare in all of us. What's the harm in telling dad and asking him to keep it a secret?

"I wasn't going to tell you...but-" I stopped myself..._Go on, Emmett...You will still have Rose if this doesn't turn out well...Wait what if it doesn't turn out well and my dad ends up hating me...Pull it together you wimp!...But I can't help thinking that this is selfish...Just DO IT! _"Rosalie accepted my proposal" the words flew out of my mouth at such speed that I found myself wondering what the hell I had said afterwards as I looked at dad's face.

"Emmett that's fantastic!" Dad exclaimed a wide smile appearing gradually on his mouth..He was about to stand up when I put a hand up to stop him.

"Can we do the whole hugging and congratulations thing another time...It's not that I don't appreciate it it's just that I don't want anyone to forget about Alice right now"

Dad nodded and sat back down "I understand, Emmett...Thank you for having that attitude..I only wish you could give Edward a few pointers!"

"The only person who can change Edward is Bella...Considering that he won't go anywhere near her it is proving to be a problem."

"Your mother won't talk to him...Even if she did I would not want her to...I will talk to him if you like?"

"That would be great, dad...But try not to let it slip that you want to talk to him about Bella"

"Of course not...Would you do me a favour in return?"

"Sure..Shoot!"

"Can you talk to your mother for me...I need to know what happened between her and Edward...If he has upset her by his childish attitude then heaven help him when he comes to see me"

I couldn't help but laugh...My dad always meant business when he was angry and it was funny.

"Sure dad, no problem" I stood up from my seat "Thank you" I finished

"You're always welcome, Son" he said with an assuring smile...I walked out of his office feeling a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Without a moment's thought I went up the two staircases to my bedroom and opened the door to find Bella on her own...Lying on her side and facing the wall...I knelt down next to the bed and touched her shoulder...She rolled over the instant my hand made contact with her skin and she said nothing as she twisted round fully to face me putting her hand under one of my pillows to face me. I took a strand of hair away from her face and stroked her cheek...Her eyes were red and puffy and god did I hate seeing her like this.

"You alright Bella-boo?" I asked her as smoothly as I could..Edward should be smashed repeatedly against the wall for making her feel like this..._Bastard!_

Bella sniffed and nodded but she continued to stay silent.

"Tell you what...How about we get you out of the house and I take you out to lunch somewhere?" I suggested.

"Don't you have plans of your own?" she choked out I stroked the tear off of the cheek visible to me that had escaped her eye.

"I did...But it's just that I have never been out with just my little sister before...There's a first for everything" I replied.

"What about Rosalie?"

"Don't worry about her..She will understand besides she is meeting Jasper later on at the hospital..It is Danny's last day before he is allowed to come home"

"Oh" she replied.

"So what do you say?"

"You really wouldn't mind?"

"Why would I mind? I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise" I said.

"Thank you, Emmett" Bella sniffed and smiled...I stroked her cheek.

"Now...You go and make yourself beautiful..However it won't take too much effort and I will wait downstairs for you" I said standing up shaking out the numbness in my legs...Bella rose off the bed and I leant over and picked her up and placed her on the floor both her feet making contact with my carpet.

"I could have done that myself, you know?" Bella teased and I chuckled.

"Off you go, missy!" I demanded grabbing her shoulders and leading her out of my room...I turned to fetch my wallet out of my bedside drawer and then went down the two flights of stairs...Ignoring Edward's room completely as I sat in the living room...Rosalie came out of the kitchen and sat beside me.

"I am taking Bella out...Did you want me to give you a lift to the hospital on the way, babe?" I asked her as she snuggled into my chest..I wrapped my arm around her.

"No that's okay...Jazz will be here later, I think he wants to invite Edward to come with us" she answered. "You go and have fun with Bella" she finished.

I kissed her forehead and let the silence fall over us...Rose and I hadn't been the same since Bella had come back but she was making an effort to be sincere and I knew how hard that was for her anyway and so I appreciated her doing it...Even if it was just solely for my purpose.

I kept Rose close to me both of us left to our own thoughts once again.

I was curious as to what she was thinking at this moment...Maybe she was curious as well as to what I was thinking...However none of us would express them...Preventing argument is better right now.

*~Bella~*

I climbed out of the shower liking the feel of the warmness still hanging over my skin from the water...I took the hair clip out of my hair and allowed my chocolate waves to fall over my back and shoulders..I didn't bother again with the reflection...I washed my face instead with some cold water and some soap to wake my tired face up and hopefully prevent my racoon eyes from bulging through my normal ivory skin tone. I dried my face on the towel wrapped around me.

I tiptoed to the wardrobe not wanting to get my wet footprints on the carpet and browsed through what I had..Seeing as we were probably going to go to Port Angeles today then I wouldn't need to wear anything formal or an outfit fit for a party or a night out..I pulled out a pair of black jeans that I hadn't worn yet and my favourite baby blue v-neck sweater...I pulled out a white tank top which was folded up in one of the shelves in the wardrobe and threw the clothes on the bed I then took out the first pair of underwear I could...I was stopped however in my search.

There it was..My lacy white underwear set that I had picked out myself to wear the night of Carlisle's party...The same night I decided to take the nest step with Edward and the night we had sex for the first time...Or made love whichever people preferred to say. As I looked at the lace I had flashbacks of the way that Edward had touched me and the way that he had acted that night with me...So patiently and so gentleman-like that I reckon he would put some of the upper-class elder gentleman in England to shame. How I missed his touch! The way that my body instantly knew that it was him when he made contact...How my heart raced as he kissed me and the fire he sent through every vein in my inner body and every pore in my skin...I desperately needed to feel that fire through me again but I was never going to have it with anyone else..No one else was Edward. No other person could ever make me feel the way he does. I blinked away the tears and pulled out another matching set next to the white one and closed the drawer. Edward had closed the drawer already and I would have to learn to as well.

I changed quickly and easily now that my skin was near to being dry...I didn't bother with my hair I just let it continue to lay over my shoulders...I picked out my makeup bag from my chest of drawers and picked out the blue eyeshadow, powder foundation and some mascara..I glanced once at the lipstick and lip glosses but closed the zipper...The simpler the better. I did the task as quickly as I could missing the fact that Alice and her magic hands would never grace my makeup or skin again...It's always the little things that you miss about a person like when I sang to Danny the other day as he was crying I instantly missed my mum...Little things make reality come back to you.

I gathered all my products and put them back into the bag when I had finished...I stood up and put the bag back into its drawer and took out my phone as well as the silver locket...Just because Edward had given it to me did not mean that I was going to stop wearing it and besides..Alice was also in that locket and if anything I was going to wear it for her.

Once the locket was clasped firmly around my neck and my phone safely in my pocket..I walked out of my room and down the stairs....Deciding not to look at Edward's closed bedroom door or think about him as I descended the stairs..I needed to learn not to think about him so much and so why should I not start now? _However by god did it hurt!_

I saw Rose and Emmett on the sofa together as I reached the bottom of the stairs..Emmett tapped Rose on her waist and she looked my way..She smiled only slightly and stood up along with Emmett following shortly after her.

"You ready sweetie?" Emmett asked his voice happy..._Thank god for Emmett...He was truly a brother to me and even more so now the family had lost a member._

"Yes" I answered...I looked at Rose "are you sure this is okay?" I asked her.

"Of course, Bella...I had other things to do anyway..Just don't let him eat too much..Coach has gone strict on him and he can get pretty grizzly when he hasn't eaten over three thousand calories a day" she remarked and I smiled letting out a small laugh...It wasn't really a laugh but more like a breath.

"I don't know why you're complaining...You love having this to hold on to" Emmett tapped his stomach and Rose rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, yeah" she replied sarcastically as he kissed her on the forehead..I gave her a small wave on my way to fetch my coat...Luckily I had my purse in it...I knew what all the Cullens were like even if they didn't want me to pay..I still wanted to pay for my share. Emmett grabbed his keys and followed me out of the door as I walked the small distance to his car...I wrapped my coat around my body and straightened out the collar.

I climbed in and fastened my seatbelts..Emmett climbed in the driver's side at the same time and looked over at me.

"What is it with you English and your seatbelts?" he exclaimed jokingly.

"Excuse us for wanting to be safe" I said in a posher tone of voice and he chuckled.

"Fair play" he answered backing out of the driveway..I looked once at the house in the distance and then turned my head to look out of the windscreen.

I wondered then what Edward was doing right now.

*~Edward~*

_Fucking Ribs! _I hadn't slept a wink last night thanks to my arsehole of a brother killing my back...I would get him back...All this shit he was spouting about Bella was doing my head in...Why couldn't he just drop it? She hurt me...I did nothing I mean is it now a crime to be angry? I had laid on my bed fully clothed last night and had spent most of the morning alone with my thoughts letting the birdsong be the only sound to reach my ears...However my solitude was not peaceful for long when someone came through my bedroom door.

"Right...Come on lazy bones..UP!" I heard Rose call...I groaned.

"What the fuck, Rose...Leave me alone!" I answered grabbing one pillow from under my head and smashing it over my face...I didn't need this right now!

"So you can sit here on your own and be anti-sociable..No chance! Besides Jasper will be here in an hour to take both of us to see Danny."

"Why both of us?"

"Because he wants you to be there...Danny is still your nephew, Edward" I groaned in defeat taking the pillow away from my face...I couldn't ever deny seeing my nephew because he was so goddamn amazing..I loved every part of him and I am sure that I would love him every day as he grew up. I struggled off of the bed with one hand on my ribs and walked past Rose and down the stairs..Seeing as I am up I might as well get some breakfast.

*~Rosalie~*

I smiled inwardly in defeat as I had managed to get Edward up...I had lied in saying that Jasper wanted him at the hospital but I didn't want him to stay here wallowing...Carlisle was working and Esme hadn't come down from her room so there really wasn't many choices for him. I didn't care that he was injured..He could still walk even if it was just hobbling.

I was about to walk out of his room when something caught my eye on the floor...It was a book..At least that's what it had looked like. I picked it up and looked behind me in case Edward had come back and seen me looking at his things...But he wasn't there. I opened the front cover and gasped slightly at the writing on the first blank page.

Bella Swan's diary

Wow..So this is what Emmett was going on about..What he had taken from Bella's room...I had watched him do it however I didn't think it was the best idea.

I had two options then...I could take it back to Bella's room or I could leave it here where Edward would find it.

I was still angry with Bella..However seeing her upset this morning had got me thinking...What if Emmett was right? What if Edward did read this and think twice about ending it with her? I would prefer it if they didn't get back together but then again if I turned a blind eye to this...I would possibly be hurting Emmett and no matter how angry I was at Bella's behaviour..Emmett was my life...My future husband and even now I could not deny him anything.

I walked over to Edward's bed and slipped the diary underneath his two pillows...I wasn't doing this for Bella...I was doing this for Emmett because he meant so much more to me.

I then left the bedroom and went down the stairs again...Perhaps Edward would find it...Who knows what will happen as everything so far has gone pear-shaped.

*~Bella~*

Emmett parked up in the same car park that he, Alice, Edward and I had parked in on our first trip out together as I climbed out I looked out at the birds hovering above the sea and stopped in my tracks.

"Bella?" Emmett called from behind me...I turned around to face him..My hair blowing in my face from the coastline.

"Emmett...Would you walk on the beach with me?" It seemed like a silly question but the beach sounded more appealing than sitting in a restaurant.

"Sure" Emmett said locking the car and walking round to take my hand.

Down we both went...The same way as we had done before..All the memories washed over me like the tide in the sea..I took off my shoes..Luckily I had trainers on and held them in my free hand..Emmett took his shoes off too and we walked down hand in hand the same route to the rocks...The wind cold on our faces.

"Remember this?" Emmett asked over the crashing waves and the bird calls.

"It seems like years ago we were all last here" I answered..Emmett wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I leant into him as I continued to walk.

"You know...That was probably one of the most fun days I have ever had" Emmett remarked and I smiled keeping my eyes on the sand below both of our pairs of feet.

"Why?" I asked

"I had a new sister...Who I liked very much" he replied.

"Wow she sounds nice" I teased

"She is....Amazing would be the best word to describe her..Strong...Loyal..Devoted...Loving almost everything good that lies in one person"

"Hmm sounds too perfect to me"

"Well the way we think about ourselves is different to what others see in us"

"You speak wisely darling brother of mine" I laughed and wrapped my arm around his waist and hugged closer to him..._I loved Emmett too much...The best brother in the world!_

As we reached the rocks Emmett lifted me up onto one and I sat down...It was a few rocks down from the one I sat on with Edward next to me this time. Emmett climbed up and lifted me up again and put me on his lap I rested my head on his shoulder...Enjoying the moment as best I could.

"Do you ever think about how things would have stayed the same...You know if Alice were still here?" I asked him closing my eyes.

"Of course I do...I miss her though, Bella...And not just because she was my sister but because she was my best friend..When I was adopted she didn't envy me like some children because I was new to the family and I wasn't properly related to her..She welcomed me in and we would always tease each other when we were children...She did have the remarkable ability to wrap everyone around her finger and that's what I think I loved most about her"

"I would have loved to have met her...Well all of you when I was a child"

"You weren't missing much, Bella...Edward was the brood and Alice and I were the rebels...Simple as that"

"Emmett about you and Edward?"

"Oh god..I am so sorry that you saw what happened last night, Bella...That was the last thing that you needed to see." I lifted my head and faced him.

"I am not mad at you for that...I don't want you and Edward to fall out because of me..I have no right to come between the two of you"

"Bella Edward and I have contrasting views about you right now...It is bound to cause some conflict...I could honestly beat the shit out of him right now but then I think of you"

"Please don't hurt him, Emmett...After the way he has acted I should WANT you to hurt him but I don't...I am the one that has caused him pain and so I should be the one to try and sort it out..When I am ready"

"I understand that but Bella...You are not completely to blame for this...Edward is grieving over Alice as well and as a child he made it clear that the world wasn't fair and now it proves his point"

As there was a small silence I took the opportunity to look out to the sea and around to where we had just walked from..My heart skipped a beat when I saw Mike Newton walking along with his hand in....

_Jessica Stanley's!!_

I hopped off of Emmett's lap and crouched down behind a rock further down as Emmett looked at me puzzled.

"Bella..What is it?"

"Ssh..Look over there!" I whispered pointing in the direction of where Mike and Jessica were...Emmett looked around and froze.

"Whoa...Didn't see that one coming!" Emmett exclaimed his face still away from me.

"Mike spoke to me the other day..Rekindled our friendship as it were. Why does he always turn up where I am?" I whispered loudly to Emmett as he swung his head round to face me.

"You weren't thinking of going back out with him were you, Bella?"

"No...Don't look at me look away...Make it look like you are on your own" I whispered keeping my head firmly behind my rock.

"Oh yeah that will go down well...I am never on my own..Besides they won't see me" Emmett said sarcastically.

"Jessica's your cousin she is bound to recognise you" I whispered keeping my gaze away from Emmett's.

"Our cousin? Jessica Stanley isn't our cousin, Bella" Emmett said...I peered over the rock.

"What?!" I whispered loudly.

"Jessica is a friend of our cousin Marie...Who told you that she was our cousin?"

"Uh I don't remember" I whispered back.

"They're heading back the other way now"

"Tell me when they have gone completely?"

"Honestly, Bella is this really necessary?"

"The last time I saw Jessica Stanley was when her fist made contact with my eye!" I said hearing my voice once again.

"Oh Jesus...I had forgotten about that, sorry Bella-boo"

"That's alright...Can you see them anymore?"

"No all-clear" I crept out from behind the rock and stood up...The beach was empty again...I brushed myself down and sat down on the rock next to Emmett's.

"How is it the world keeps getting stranger?" I asked him.

"I have no idea...Shall we have lunch or should we go back home...It's your choice, Bella I am game whatever way"

I thought for a second.."Let's have some lunch" I answered and he smiled taking my hand and lifting me off of the rocks altogether.

Mike and Jessica..Who would have thought it?

I hoped that she hadn't made any recent contact with Edward...If he goes out with her then I don't know what I would do...His relationship with her would be based on a lie and I would have to face the decision about whether to tell him the truth or brush it all off.

I would not be prepared for that.

*~Edward~*

(Late Evening)

I threw myself onto my bed...I was aching from the long day at the hospital however Danny was doing extremely well considering he had been a good two months premature and the nurses had been extremely pleased with him...It seems like my little nephew had already turned some hearts so early in his life...He would certainly grow up to become a male version of his mother.

I put both my hands under my pillow when I felt something hard graze my fingertips...I trailed my hands up further and pulled out the mystery item with one hand and held it above my head to look at it.

Bella's diary...Again! How the hell did it keep turning up here? Wait a minute did I put this here? Surely I would have felt it last night...Then again I was too busy with my head at the OTHER end of the bed to worry about what would be under my pillowcases. I was about to throw it across the room when something stopped me...I didn't know what it was...It was a feeling.

What would I lose by reading this anyway? Maybe it will hold some facts about why Bella is so blatantly messed up in the head...I turned the cover back and saw her name written in red crayon.

I had a choice...Read it now or never set eyes on it again...If I read it then I wouldn't lose anything but if I chose not to see it again...I would be riddled with curiosity.

So I turned the next page and started the first entry...This should be good!

*~Emmett~*

After Bella thanking me for the day out she walked up the stairs and to her room...Rose was probably back at home now as Jazz had rung me whilst I was eating with Bella to say that he was dropping her home. I pondered in the silent living room for a bit before walking up the stairs myself...I got to the second floor and instantly walked to my parent's room...It wasn't that late and I hadn't seen my mom at all today and that wasn't like her. I peered through the door to find my mom reading in bed...The other side where my dad slept was empty.

I pushed the door slightly and mom looked up a little startled at me.

"Hi mom" I whispered

"Emmett..Sweetheart you scared me!" she exclaimed with a smile...One of her hand lying on her heart.

"Sorry...Can I come in for a minute?"

"You don't need to ask, baby" I walked in and closed the door

"Where's dad?"

"He had an emergency at work...Come and sit down with me" she said..I adored my mum so much for her loving nature..I think Alice's death had hit her harder than it had done anyone else and she just didn't deserve it. I sat down upright on the bed where my dad slept the alluring smell of him hitting my nostrils.

"What are you reading now?" I asked looking over at my mom as she took her glasses off her face and closed the book on her lap.

"I still have my Hardy phase going on...Tess of the D'Urbervilles" she replied putting the book and her glasses on her bedside table.

"I haven't seen you all day, mom I wondered whether you were okay...You're not ill are you?"

"Oh god no...I am sorry about that honey...Edward and I had a disagreement" she replied putting her gaze on her lap.

"Did he upset you?"_Hell if Edward has upset my mother then heaven help him!_

Mom turned to look at me...She stroked my face with one of her hands "No baby...He is just being _Edward_ at the moment...The way he used to be when he was younger that is all"

"Don't defend him, mom..If he has upset you...Tell me"

"I'm not...He is going through a rough time..I just can't see him at the moment..By going downstairs I run the risk of seeing him."

"I understand. I can't seem to get Edward and Bella out of my head, mom"

"Why?"

"I want them to be together again...I don't want them to forget what they had before all this happened"

"It looks like you are turning into me!" she remarked and I laughed at her.

"I learnt from the best" Mom scooted over a little and put her head on my shoulder..I put one arm around her shoulders and the other one around her chest...I held her close to me.

"Give it time, Emmett...Besides there is nothing you can do as an outsider...It's for them to decide"

"I KNOW they still love each other...Well Bella more than Edward"

"Of course they do...Situations like these are hard on relationships. That's why time is so good because it pans things out"

"That's true...Do you think I am being silly about this whole thing?"

"If I thought you were being silly, sweetheart I would tell you straight out. You want things back to normal and I admire you for sticking by your sister like this"

"Bella and I have gotten closer..I understand her more now..She is easily scared and because she doesn't like fear she runs..It all makes sense now"

"She hasn't had an easy life...Her life has been nothing like ours...The hardships that we went through together do not even touch the surface of her emotional pain."

"That's the thing though mom, Bella and Edward...They changed each other I have never seen her happier then when she is with him and he became a whole different person."

"I know, baby...You want what's best for them...Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?"

"You may have mentioned it once or twice" I teased mom punched me lightly in my stomach and lifted herself up to look at me I lessened my hold but kept my hands around her as she gazed at me.

"I really am, Emmett...You have been strong throughout all of this and I have NEVER been so proud to call you mine" she said with a smile...As usual mom's words touched my heart.

"I will only EVER be yours" I answered kissing her forehead lovingly..I pulled her down to my chest and continued to hold her.

*~Bella~*

I was comfortable in my pyjamas as I sat comfortably in my own bed...I had got my new diary out that Esme had brought me when I had first arrived..I smelled the cover before turning the front cover back and looked at the blank front page. I pushed the lid of my pen down and wrote my name...Much neater this time than my last one...I had only been around ten years old when I had started that diary and that is why it was so precious to me.

The diary of Isabella Swan

I put today's date at the bottom and the date in case I needed it to look back on for future references..I had only put the month down in my old diary because I was never tempted to look back on it when I was writing all my entries in it. When I had left my mum I had only kept it because it explained my life and where I had come from...When I would have kids of my own in the future they may want to have an interest in their mother's early life. I turned to a fresh page...My day with Emmett would make for a good entry – it was the most fun I have had in a long time and I would be forever grateful to Emmett for making me feel better at this time.

I had literally touched the nib of the pen to the page when there was a small knock on my bedroom door...I looked up from the diary to the door.

"Come in" I said quietly looking back down at the diary...I put the same date I had done on the previous page on top of the new one..As I was doing this my door opened and closed again. Once I finished writing I looked at who had entered.

My heart fluttered when I saw Edward standing there...I took a deep breath in trying to compose myself..I was so pleased to see him it was beyond words.

"If you have come in here to have a go at me you can go straight back out again" I said keeping my eyes on the door behind him and not on his face...._Why did you say that, Bella...God I don't want him to go..Please don't go!_

"I haven't...I read your diary, Bella" He replied..His voice smooth – dryness came over my throat at the sound of his words I swallowed in an attempt to get rid of it but it was pointless. My eyes fell on his then as he lifted one of his hands and held my diary up in the air.

_Oh Jesus!_

What was going to happen now???

**OMG I am EVIL...Sorry I will have to leave it on a cliff-hanger. There you go ONE more update before the weekend and of course my birthday because I love my reviewers SO MUCH!**

**Thank you to everyone who wished me happy birthday as well...That was SO sweet of you all!!**

**Give me an early present with a review of your thoughts...I will be a very happy girl (A year older)!**

**Thanks for reading**

**.S.**

**X x**


	40. Making up is hard to do

**Okay seeing as I don't want to pee anyone off...Here is what is going to happen!!**

**I love ALL of you for the support as usual....You people are spectacular!!**

**I do NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML!**

*~Bella~*

I began to shake uncontrollably as I tried so hard to steady my breathing...Oh god what did he think of me now? I have only seen that diary maybe once or twice and I had never secured what I had written to memory...Edward continued to stand there with my diary in his hand up in the air..._Jesus say something Bella...Edward please say something!!_

I looked away from him and continued to attempt and try and write again but having no luck with my useless, shaky hand. Goddamn it what the hell was I supposed to do.

"Can I sit down?" Edward asked...I looked up at him again...My chest was really rising now and I had no idea how to calm myself down.

"Sure" I managed to say.._No Bella what are you doing...You don't want him to sit down...But if he doesn't sit down he will leave and I don't want him to leave...By inviting him to sit down it means that you are okay with him being here...But I love him...JESUS CHRIST someone help me!_

I continued to look down at the diary...I had made a little scribble for the evidence that I had actually written anything..I saw Edward sit down next to me from the very corner of my eye...He sighed as his body made contact with the bed...I sunk further the weight of him affecting the position of my bed slightly..._Good GOD! Edward I am so in love with you...Please don't be angry anymore...I want to be with you...Way to keep your cool, Bella!_

"I didn't read all of it...I got to when you went to England the first time around and I didn't want to read the rest" How the hell was I supposed to know what I had written...Oh no he has probably read all the troubles I had during puberty..I can't help it I am a woman and I started changing..Who wouldn't be scared?

"Where did you get it?" I choked out...I was on the verge of hyperventilation now...If I suffered from asthma I would be in big trouble now.._Why are you thinking about having asthma? God Bella what is your problem! Say you love him, say you need him...Make him yours again!_

"Emmett" he answered frankly...I twiddled with the pen in my hand desperate to find some kind of distraction. "Bella, please look at me?" he asked.

"I can't" _Oh great here come the waterworks again...If there was an academy award for crying then I would win hands down! Bloody tears...I hate you!_

I threw my diary on the floor and climbed out of the bed altogether...I went over to my window keeping my back to Edward as I covered a hand with my mouth...I looked at my woodland view...Why is it you find something distracting to look at when you are listening to a good topic? A topic that you end up kicking yourself for missing and when you desperately need a distraction from a situation where you are going to explode from emotion...You get nothing! This really was a cruel, cruel world.

"I have really hurt you haven't I?" Edward asked me from the direction of my bed...I sighed into my hand but continued to stare out...Nothing..No animals..No wind...Jesus! "Shall I begin to explain my behaviour Bella, or would you like me to leave...It is after all your room"_ No! Don't go...Don't leave me...Please! Why can't I find my voice? Where the hell is my voice when I need it!_ "Bella"? he called my name again...I loved the way he had said my name I have always loved it...It's great when you are confronted with someone who you really wanted to hate but then in your head you are singing their praises. I found my legs and turned my body around...I took my hand off of my mouth and leant them on the window sill behind me.

"I was angry...Angry at you because you left me" _I know you are...My beautiful, fantastic boyfriend I would do anything to take it back! _"I realise now that I have gone the complete wrong way about it...I didn't want to read this, Bella...Not at first...It was yours and I somehow didn't want an explanation from you...I figured if I try and block you out of my head then it would be better for me..I wanted to forget you, Bella" his words hit my heart like a bullet from a gun.

"Then why didn't you?" I choked out...I was thinking that I should say it with some kind of sternness or anger but instead it came out completely flat.

"I couldn't" he answered...I ran a hand through my hair.

"You know what, Edward...Why don't you just break up with me because honestly...Anything is better than this?"

"So what you're just gonna leave it all there before I have had a chance to really explain things?"

"You never gave ME a chance to explain anything...Basically telling me to fuck off in the hospital when I was worried sick about you?!" _Okay this was NOT how I wanted the conversation to go._

"It was wrong to say that"

"Yes...It was. I keep going over this in my mind and I try and weigh out options and it's impossible, Edward....THIS is just too hard!"

"Don't you think it has been hard on me too, Bella?"

"I never said it wasn't hard on you...I was willing to accept the fact that you didn't want me and now I would rather know for definite because then it can all start"

"I didn't come in here to make a decision about us...I came in because I wanted you to know that I had read the diary...That is it"

"So what did you find in there that made you come running to me?"

"I found things I never thought I'd see...I saw a part of you that I hadn't seen before"

"Edward I was a screwed-up child okay and a lot of the stuff in there...I didn't mean most of them...That's the thing about diaries..You can let your imagination run wild...The stupid immature mind of a child just wanting to be loved that is all...No more no less"

"You never told me any of this"

"I didn't want you to think that I was still the way I was back then...My mom was a drunk...She never took care of me the way Esme and Carlisle do....I had a new life, a new meaning and a new purpose."

Edward was silent...But I carried on..._Cue the word diarrhoea!_

"Sandgrove taught me so much about myself the first time around...I was fifteen and alone...The only possession I had was that diary...The one memory of my mum I would ever have again because at that point I didn't know whether I would see her again. I wanted her, Edward..I wanted her so badly that I had countless sleepless nights. Then I met Carlisle"

"Bella, please you don't have to-"

"I DO, Edward...I have never said anything of what I am about to say to you to any other living soul" I kept the tears falling down my face...I didn't recognise my own voice but I couldn't bring myself to care...To WANT to care. "Carlisle was like...A lighthouse leading in a deserted boat...If that is the best analogy..I looked into his eyes and I saw that he was capable of so much love and the way he spoke about all of you...I wanted to meet you even though you wouldn't know me from Adam. You all sounded SO perfect coming from his mouth and his mind...The kind of person that I wanted people to talk about in the same way....When Tess told me about the adoption it broke my heart to think that I would never set eyes on the one person who put my needs and my health first for once...It was always about my mum..Even as a child I would be in a nursery and I can still remember the looks...Sympathy written all over the other mum's faces..That's stayed with me ever since and the one thing I always held on to was the idea that maybe my mum would forget the drink..Somehow she would have a reality check and realise that the one person she had in the world needed her. It never happened. I wrote in that diary because I needed a friend...I noted down everything and anything that entered my head and I know that the diary is probably about seventy percent bullshit imagination...But the other thirty was real and that thirty percent has come alive now that I am here and that I have been adopted by the most incredible family...Even now somewhere deep inside of me I still don't think that I deserve any of you. So when I had the time to register in my mind about my adoption..I started about my new family and you know the only person I wanted them to be like was Carlisle. I held on to the fact that he was going to be my friend when I would leave and build my own life path...It broke my heart, really, Edward but I stayed strong..I had to...My new family were going to love me because they had chosen me...Carlisle told me briefly about the Masens but there was something in his eyes...I kind of twinkle if that makes any sense..I trusted him fully because he must have met them already and at that time I would have taken his word over anyone else's...The child with the vivid imagination found some sense and a dose of reality when she felt her heart breaking having to say goodbye."

Edward's breathing had picked up...I was really choking out my words and I was in and out of sobs as I did so...However it felt relieving so I kept going.

"Then...Everything that I was hoping fell into my lap when he said that he was going to be my dad...I never had a father and my mum never had a boyfriend or a partner in all the time in my life so I didn't know what it felt like or what troubles would lie ahead but the fact was...It was Carlisle and my heart just flew up in the air and I felt like I was floating..I was happy, Edward...For the first time I felt REAL happiness and elation...I would join his family and meet his kids, the people who I ended up envying even though I had never set eyes on them...You could have all been ugly and have the most awful personalities in the world but I envied you all the same. Then I couldn't wait to come here...I was excited to leave the hospital I was secured in...Even though it was a horrible world in there anything was better than being with my mum. Then Carlisle's wife and children entered my life and I have never looked back..Not even when I have said things or one of you had said things that could be doomed unforgiveable...I found myself unable to not forgive you all when you did things wrong to me and in a way, you helped me...Not just you, Edward but Alice and Emmett too..You made me realise that I am a forgiving person and I am loyal to people and I never realised I had that before. I thought that no one in their right minds could be as amazing as Carlisle was, but good god was I wrong! Emmett on first impression reminded me of a teddy bear who loved sports...He had a good soul at least from where I was standing...And then there was Alice-" My voice broke when I mentioned Alice name...I clenched my stomach hard and wrapped my hands around the top of my arms..._Come on Bella, you have come this far...Don't back out now._ The tears fell harder as I thought about my late sister.

"Alice was so welcoming...So much like the girl I wanted to exist in me...There was nothing she couldn't do...She designed, she accessorised, she beautified every living soul on this earth and she soon became my best friend...In e...Every way and she was MINE...She was MY sister...Nothing felt better. Alice was my guardian angel...The soul sent to me from fate to protect me from any harm and I loved her, Edward...I loved her so much and I loved her so quickly after I met her...She had me from the word 'hello' I was always going to stick by her as she did me and fill out my duty as a good younger sister...And you know it never mattered that I wasn't realted to her by blood because if I was I would never have got to know her in the same way. I miss her, Edward...I miss her everyday...She had so much strength in her final hour that even soliders in a world war could never possess...I wanted to be there for her in every way but she was slipping....Slipping away from me and I couldn't stop it...-" I trailed off..._Change the subject, Bella...Too sad...Change it!_

"Esme...Esme was the perfect image of what a mother should be..She has an earthly quality as a mum that is so inspiring to me...She took me in as one of her own even though she knew nothing about me...She had probably heard from Carlisle about my life and yet she didn't judge me...She didn't judge me or my mum and that meant so much to me that I can't express it in words. Esme was so much like Alice and that's why I took to her...I fell for both of them in a family way and I was waiting, Edward....I was waiting for fate to come and steal it all away from me and crush anymore hope I would ever have about being free and living my life away from my mum. Everything happened so quickly...I was a sister...I was a member of a REAL family...A unstoppable family unit...The way you all looked at each other in my first weeks here will forever be in my mind...So much appreciation...So much life and light in your paths...I thought I would never be able to live up to the expectations you set as a family."

This was proving to be harder as I went on and on...I looked at Edward who now had tears rolling down his face along with me...I continued not wanting him to say anything until I got all of this out.

"Then school started and even though I had gotten so used to the way the English educate people..I was nervous that people from America would treat me the same way...I was doomed wrong. Alice was there for me and I found something in myself that I had been searching so long for..Acceptance and identity. I belonged...In this strange, weird and different country I belonged...I have never been happy in my own skin because I had never had my moment to shine...I could here. I slowly made friends that I admit I haven't spoken too for so long now but at the time...They accepted me and so I accepted them the same way I did with all of you...Friends and a family..A whole new life. When Mike Newton came onto the scene...I didn't see him as more than a friend when we had met but Alice and Rose were both adamant that he was the one for me...I didn't like him in that way at first but I enjoyed the idea of being liked in that way...It gave me a new found confidence even if I was terrified inside that he would reject me. I held onto him...However I wanted to do it in my own time and when various people started pushing me to ask him out I crumbled...Which is why I was vomiting in the school that time...I was probably pictured as something perfect to Mike a image that was probably as rare and as beautiful as a piece of artwork in an established museum. I am not perfect and I refused to think that I was going to be something that I am not in the mind of another person because I wanted to be myself. I had been liked as my own self and I was not going to change for anyone...That's probably the only one good thing that my mum had ever said to me...That as an individual given a chance to live on earth would only excel in being themselves because my mum had said that she would rather not be hated for something she isn't but liked for who she was...Flaws and imperfections included. It was only at your party when there was a small part of me that had wanted to take things to the next level because what was the harm..Where was the harm sure I may experience upset and trauma but I had been through a whole lot worse beforehand. Mike was a great guy and he still is...I would never say one word against him because I was the one who broke things off with him...Depression took over my body like petrol to fire and it took me to so many depths of despair that it felt like I was being drowned in quicksand...With no one who would be able to save me even if they attempted to pull me out of it. Tess was my angel then, she still is and I am grateful for her...Showing me that I needed to have a purpose...A target to pull myself out of the quicksand...Eventually I did and I lived life again...I had been given a second chance, Edward to carry on life but on my OWN terms and no one else's. I was unable to drag Mike along with me because if I had recovered at the time he would always have that memory of me...The image of me lower than rock bottom and I knew that things were never going to be the same again. So life went back to normal and that was how it was for the most part."

Edward's tears continued to fall down his face...I didn't want him to be upset by me...I needed to prove to him that he was the one meaning in my life. I took another deep breath wiping my nose and my eyes with the sleeve of my pyjama top.

"And then you...Edward....You, Edward Cullen proved to be the big brother I ended up loving the most as a sister...You were unpredictable and there were times when I hated you and there were times when I loved you...You were the person I had the strangest relationship with and you know..I didn't care...I wanted to be a good sister to you. I know you have done me wrong in the past and you have made decisions which I could never have condoned or agreed with but you were still my brother...I never had a brother – there was only me in my world..Me and my mum and that world left my mind long before I came here and lived my life as a Cullen. When I first met you...I pictured this misunderstood guy who needed a good break in life...A guy with aspirations and who possessed the knowledge to make something of himself...Then when I met you everything changed...You were so much more than I imagined you would be...You had your flaws but you were human and I admired you so much because you weren't afraid to do what you wanted even if it may have hurt your parents to see you do it. You welcomed me too...In your own way and when you got drunk the first time you apologised to me with such sincerity that I couldn't ever refuse you.

You proved yourself loyal to me and you made up for all your wrong in the best way that you knew how. When my mum died and I was in England there was never a moment where you escaped my mind. I never told you much about my life for three months when I went back there...I don't really have much to say...I made the decision to go back and be with my mum because I would never be able to live with the regret of never having to say goodbye to her properly...Deep in my heart it was the right thing to do and I can't bring myself to regret what I did or regret that my mum stopped our moment in the garden because she needed help and all my worries and all the memories of when I needed her all went away and I no longer mattered. England was dull, dreary and it wasn't the same as when I had last been there. My mum couldn't move for most of my time there and I was a faithful and needed nurse for her...I hope that wherever she is she appreciated me for it because it drowned me in both physical and mental pain and my body went onto autopilot so I did things automatically without any thought. Then I suppose you could say that I found God...Not in the way that meant I had to change my faith but when I entered the church I hadn't been in since I was a child something changed inside of me...Talking to the same vicar as my childhood opened my eyes to see the view that my mum's life was not meant to be lived and as much as I might have wanted her to live forever and ever and maybe even be immortal you know like vampires."

"Bella...I don't want this to be upsetting for you...I can hardly bear to see you upset" Edward rubbed his tears away from his face...He was releasing emotion just as much as I was and it made me feel a little more better...This was working.

"Please...I need to finish this, Edward" I pleaded...He nodded and held back a sob of his own.

"She died...It should have felt like the world had come crumbling down on me but I was more determined about proving people wrong...The various people that had watched my mum and I through the years and pitied the poor child who never owned anything valuable..Get angry about the mother who had clearly chosen alcohol over her own child that she had given the gift of life too...My speech was all about that and when I had finished and I heard the applause I could sense that my mum was watching over me..Clapping too and it was amazing...I was no longer sad for her I was happy that she was somewhere where the alcohol could no longer have a hold on her life as it had done for so many years...Even before I was born. Then when I felt relieved...You showed up and you stayed with me...I had wanted you for so long and you were there...It was a helping hand from someone maybe from my mum I don't know whether I believe in spirituality...I had you and it was without a doubt the happiest moment in my life when you showed yourself to me at the graveyard. I came back home to my family...I really belonged then if I had ever doubt in my mind before then it was made definite when I came back home to the open arms of my siblings and my parents."

I took a deep breath and paced back and forth in the small space between where I was standing and where Edward sat...I took my hands off of the sill and put them in my pyjama bottoms and I looked down at the floor. "I need to also explain why I left for England after I lost Alice...I didn't chose to go there because I wanted to leave all of you and if there was some way that you could see into my mind for only a short amount of time...You would know that it broke me in two to have to leave you...I had been so distant with you because I didn't want to deserve your love because I DIDN'T deserve it...I had been the one to let Alice go without having any control over it...I was the only one who was there with her from the minute she collapsed and the minute she gave birth to Danny and I was screaming inside the whole time...I pushed myself to stay strong for her, Edward...I vowed to stick by her the minute I saw her positive pregnancy test and I broke it. I wasn't able to see her live through it and be at one with her family where she truly belonged...My life had been so great up until that moment and then life snatched her away from me..My angel...My amazing sister taken away from the world and I wondered for so long...Why didn't they take me-" I continued to sob but if this was going to be the best way to get everything out in the open and onto the table maybe Edward and I could make a justified decision together.

"Why did they take the person who HAD a purpose who needed to live because she had a family waiting to love her like so many people have done in her life...It never crossed my mind to end my own life or to kill myself and I still don't know why I hadn't thought about it...Instead of causing harm on myself I escaped...I desperately needed a new view on life and I never did it out of selfishness and I never did it to hurt Carlisle, Esme or Emmett and especially not you but I had to do it and I have never been so sorry for anything in my life when I saw how hurt you were and how you had turned to drink because of what I had done. If it weren't for me you would have never got into that accident-"

"Bella you are not entirely to blame" Edward added his voice affected with his falling tears.

"But the MAJORITY of it is...Give me that much, Edward...I deserved your anger and I deserved the hurt that you were feeling and so I was willing to accept it"

"I should never have acted in such an unjust way, Bella...I may have been angry but I could have gone about it completely differently"

"I have never blamed you...Understand me here...I did wrong...I wanted to come back the minute I left the airport but it was too late and so I had to get into the frame of mind for the fact that I would probably never see my family...Or never see YOU again and that broke me too, Edward...I hated being away from you and then Emmett came after me and I realised that I had a reason in life...I shouldn't be sad anymore..Alice wouldn't have wanted me to be sad and so I kept the idea of her in my mind and Emmett gave me the extra push I needed and so I came back...I never expected to have open arms...I knew that but when I heard you were in the hospital...I just couldn't take it...I couldn't bear it-"

I couldn't stand still anymore..I put a hand over my mouth to stop a threatening sob and ran fast outside of the room...I had no idea where I was going I just went down the stairs..Running down them as fast as I could almost falling over more than once and I grabbed the front door handle and ran out...Enjoying the open air on my face...It had begun to rain quite heavily as it showered around me...I ran over the driveway and across the road putting a hand on the lamp post opposite the house...I breathed out my sobs as the rain fell over my neck...I was probably going to catch pneumonia but I couldn't care...The sobs were too violent and too hard on my body and I couldn't function right.

"Bella?" I heard Edward shout from behind me...I spun around in haste putting a hand up the minute I saw him come closer to me on the green of the woodland.

"Don't come near me...Please Edward...I just need to compose myself quickly" I said he stopped his movements inches away from me and I took one last deep breath.

"You know, Edward when I fell for you...I fell for you so hard...I loved you so much and I failed to realise that you were the one I was supposed to be with...I broke things off with Mike because he could never be you...He could never make me feel the way you do and I have said I love you, Edward more times then I begin to know or count on two hands but you don't understand the EXTENT of how much I love you....Mike was never going to be you and when we kissed each other the night of your birthday before Jessica hit me...I pulled away from him because he didn't send the message through my body he didn't make me want him...He didn't make me feel complete. You know my life has been so misshapen and I pretended to be upset when you broke up with Jessica because I didn't want you to know that I desired to be in her shoes...I wanted to be the one you loved and cherished for however long we would end up being together and if I had ever ruled my own life then it would be forever because I dream about being with you forever. Through my depression I said earlier that I needed to find a purpose...I did....It was YOU. I recovered all because I needed to be with you and I was going to tell you the night of Carlisle's party and I was so scared that you would reject me...But you said you loved me and everything fell into place...I needed that I needed you and I would spend the rest of the time I had left on earth telling you that"

Edward was silent...I didn't know whether he was still showing emotion because of the rain...I carried on pouring my soul out completely in front of him.

"You are the best person I know, Edward...You are my reason for living, you are in every thought I ever had and you were in every dream...I loved you before and I have never stopped loving you even when you threw me out of your hospital room and ordered me out of your room last night...I love you more than my own life and I will ALWAYS feel that way about you...I am not the best person in the world...I don't like my body and I will never be beautiful and I do not know whether that means anything to you, Edward. You're my life...I would rather die than stay away from you and I cannot bear the thought of having to leave you....I don't want you to leave me, Edward and I am so so sorry from the bottom of my heart for making you angry...I would give away my soul to change that and turn back time to change it...You have to believe me because I love you...Edward...I love you SO much" I let a loud sob escape my body...I crouched my body down...The weight of my emotion taking its toll on me...I was about to hit the floor when a pair of hands lifted me back up...I was guided into Edward's arms slowly...He let go of my shoulders when I was upright and put his hands on each side of my face...Forcing me to look into his beautiful eyes once again once my eyes made contact with his I thought I was going to melt on the spot.

"Bella listen to me" he said as I continued to cry and if I was looking down at myself I would be dying of humiliation but I couldn't say no to him...I needed him so much it was unreal. "I should be the one apologising...I have been an absolute prick to you and you NEVER for one moment deserved that...I plunged your self-esteem through the ground when I acted that way"

I heard his words and the sternness of his voice "don't feel sorry for me, Edward...Just because you have read some poxy words on pieces of paper that doesn't mean that you know me well enough"

Edward gripped my face harder...I buckled a little under his hold.

"I NEVER read that diary because I pitied you....I NEVER expected for you to welcome me into your room with only one silly sentence for an explanation...And I NEVER expected you to bear your soul to me the way that you have done...Jesus, Bella...I thought that I was going to mad at you for a long time and deep down I hated it...I was in denial about my real feelings for you giving Emmett the answer of how I could make it by myself...I can't...Bella I can't"

"I want to be mad at you" I choked out

"I wouldn't blame you for a second if you were"

"I know....I miss Alice, Edward"

"I know that too...I miss her so much that I find myself constantly aching and the one person I always want to reach out to is YOU, Bella....I hated it when you wouldn't let me in and I will not lie because it hurt, Bella...I wanted to help you even if it was just to lend an ear but by GOD I never expected this from you"

"How do I know if all this is true? That I won't wake up tomorrow and find myself battling with my heart and my head over you?"

I was silenced then by Edward's mouth tenderly connecting with my own...There it was...The fire...The need the desire..Everything that I lived for just in one kiss from Edward. I kept my hands at the side because I didn't want him to think that I had buckled under his ways as I had once done...I disconnected our mouths even though it did pain me to do so in my inner core.

"You hurt me" I confessed..Edward stroked one of my cheeks now...The two of us were now extremely soaked my the rain and I could feel the lace in my bra getting heavier because of it but I ignored it.

"I know...Bella you are the most amazing girl in the world...The most amazing thing in my life" I let out another sob at the sound of his words..._This all sounded so real!_

"Edward-" he put his index finger on my lip.

"You have done enough talking...I never stopped loving you my amazing Bella...You live within me...You are the other part of the soul that I have been waiting for..For so long"

I tilted my head keeping my eyes closed...This was the only way that I would be able to digest everything that he was saying to me...I could tell with Edward when he was being genuine and whether he was just joking around and now he sounded genuine. I couldn't get my head around it.

"I can't leave you...I don't want to break this off because you mean FAR too much to me to just be my sister...I have had a feeling that I have always loved you I just never realised it...The moment you entered my life Bella was the day I will FOREVER be thankful for...I must have some angels up there as well because you changed me...You made me a better person...You made me feel like I was worthy in a family where I had always been considered the academic and nothing more...You were the light...My shining light and my one true and only love"

My knees were really giving out now but I attempted to stay strong...I had already shown enough emotion.

"You say that you once envied us but right now, Bella...I envy YOU....Your strength, your soul, your sensitive nature, the love you feel for others and just everything that you are. I could never have known that I would be blessed for meeting someone like you but it seems like fate had it differently. I acted the way I did because I was angry but also because I missed Alice, Bella...I never should have made you feel like that and I never want to leave your side because I know we are meant to be. The night I made love to you, Bella was the best night of my life...Not just because I am a man and because of that we are deemed to just want sex...I said to you that night that it was never about sex or having your body..I needed you and by god I did...I have always wanted you from the day I realised I loved you and I always...always will. Bella you are so incredibly beautiful and you're right I don't care about having the most attractive woman because you are worth fifty of them, Bella...You have had to grow up so fast and that is something I will NEVER begin to understand because compared to your life my life belongs in that established museum. I am so sorry, Bella...So VERY sorry for all of this"

"Do you really mean this? I mean _really_?" I choked out.

"I love you too more than my own life...I would go to the end of the world and back for you as I have said before..Bella you complete me...I am nothing without you...I could never be anything without you and I need you so much!"

"Edward...I love you" I sighed out through tears...Before he could reply I crashed my lips to his...Edward responded with as much enthusiasm as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close to him...I put both my hands underneath his arms on his back. I connected our tongues and felt the elation as they caressed and danced together...Oh god nothing was better than this...Edward meant more to me than ever before and I was floating on air once again. Edward moaned deeply in my mouth as he moved his lips away from mine.

Edward moved his mouth to my forehead...My favourite spot then trailed down to kiss my cheeks...The tip of my nose and down to my jaw...I sighed and pulled him closer to me...Could anything be better than this?

"I love you my beautiful, amazing courageous girl...I adore you so much" he whispered against my jaw as he moved his way down to my neck..I kissed the top of his head wanting to keep this moment forever.

We stood together in the rain for a few minutes as Edward left the heat that now radiated from my skin.

"I am so sorry...So sorry" Edward sighed as I pulled his head back up and stopped his apologies with my mouth caressing every angle and every part of his amazing mouth...I loved him god did I love him even more so in this moment I didn't care that he had been a bastard or that I had felt my heart breaking because I was mended again then and there he stitched me back up and allowed me to move again.

"No words, Edward...Please I have missed you and your touch so much" I sighed moving my mouth to his neck. He lifted me up completely as I wrapped my arms around his waist...I continued to ravish his neck as he walked back to the house..He climbed the steps and opened the front door we were now probably ruining Esme's carpet but I didn't care I was Edward's in every way and I wanted to embrace that. Edward climbed the steps as I moved from his neck to the bare skin before the v-neck of his shirt restricted me..He opened my bedroom door and put me down onto my feet...he disconnected our mouths.

"Bella...I need to get you dry" he sighed out..his voice husky..I shook my head violently.

"No" I sighed back attacking his lips again...He pushed the door closed with one hand and when I heard the door close I moved my hands to the hem of his shirt and began to pull his top up...With some difficulty due to the fact that it was soaked through but I managed and never disconnecting our mouths he lifted his arms as I took it completely off of him and he attacked my mouth even harder...We were both having the need for each other that much was certain. I backed away to the bed and felt the side of it hit the bag of my legs. Edward's hands pried with the straps of my pyjama top.

"Please, Edward?" I pleaded against his mouth...He took the straps down my body kissing both my arms as the straps left my skin...he then pulled my top completely down my body and it landed with a squelching noise onto the floor...I pulled us both down on the bed and welcomed Edward's weight on me once again as I enjoyed his mouth and the feeling of his tongue on mine. I trailed my fingers along the waistband of his pyjama trousers and thanked myself inwardly that I wouldn't have to worry about belts or zippers. I pulled them down his legs but hooked my legs up and trailed them down his legs the same way I had done before and the same way that he had loved. He groaned as his trousers left his body and he then moved his hands around the back of me I pushed on his chest as he took his mouth off of mine and looked down at me.

"The front" I breathed out and he smiled kissing me again as he popped open the clasp on my torso and led the straps down..I pushed up into him...Eager for him to touch me I felt his desire on my leg and I moaned uncontrollably pleased that I still had the same effect on him.

I threw my head back in ecstasy as Edward kneaded my bare chest and moved down to attack it with his mouth...I wrapped my hands in his hair pushing him closer to my skin...I needed this and I was certain that he needed it too.

"I love you with every inch of my being, Bella" Edward groaned out against the valley between my breasts and his words sent flames to my core..I bucked into his hips again as I caressed his hair with my fingertips..My moans were increasing once again.

"Bella...Are you sure...I want this more than anything but if you don't want to-" I put my index finger up against his lips.

"Ssh...I need you, Edward" I breathed out.

"I will be right back" he said as he climbed off of me...I groaned inwardly at the loss of contact but I knew what he had gone to get. I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my socks whilst he was out of the room and was left only in my underwear minus my bra...Panties as the Americans called it as I had been used to calling them knickers.

I lay back down on the bed...breathing in and out...This didn't seem real but hell even if it was a dream I was going to make it memorable. Edward opened the door again and closed it behind him..He had also gotten rid of his socks and shoes and instead of lying over me...He grabbed my hips and pulled me into the air...I scissored my legs back around his waist and he stood up with me in his arms..I hooked my feet around his boxers and pulled them down as I feverently caressed his mouth in mine...He kicked them off the rest of the way and stood out of them as they too landed on the floor...He then used both his knees to climb onto the bed with me still wrapped around his waist like glue and he had managed to put his legs out in front of him as I was still in hold...Once I landed on his lap I sighed as I felt his desire on me...He gently put me back on the bed so I was lying straight out on my back and he them put his weight on his knees but came down with me to balance his upper body on his arms...He kissed around my stomach and caressed my hips with his hands before he looked at the last remaining piece of clothing on me...he put his fingers on the waistband but instead of pulling them down my legs he ripped them in half the sound filling up the room...I smiled as he threw the two pieces of material over his shoulder...I lifted my legs immediately as he nestled in between them...I stroked my fingertips along his chest.

"I love you, Bella" he said before thrusting into me...My body instantly fell down a few inches from the pillow and I sighed as he fit himself into me as quickly and as easily as 1,2,3. I held onto his neck forcing him to look at me as he filled me up completely...Every angle never went untouched...I lifted my legs up and hooked them around his back as he grunted above me...How I had missed sex and I didn't even realise how long it had been since we had done it.

I held onto the moment even when I was beginning to climax...I grasped his neck for dear life as he hit me in the sweetest spots imaginable...His thrusts got harder and I knew that he was close himself but I was determined before to let go but now I clenched my stomach and held on as best I could and for as long as I could. I could feel the beads of sweat on Edward's neck.

"Hold on for me, Edward" I gasped out as he nodded his jaw clenched.

"Anything for you" he gasped out in reply...I pushed my hips up further to meet his every thrust and pull. "I have missed you so much, Bella" Edward added.

"I missed you too just a little longer..Please?" I pleaded.

"Okay...Oh Christ!" he moaned...It was a bit mean to keep him holding on but I needed to keep this moment alive and I was surprised how now I had a lot more stamina to last. It was a good five maybe seven minutes before I couldn't hold on any longer..I instantly let go letting the waves of ecstasy take me along in my current...Edward came too as his arms buckled slightly.

We rode out together and Edward never stopped kissing me as he lifted himself off of me and snuggled in next to me...I put my head in his chest as my breathing began to slow...Edward moved his body to the side and I knew what he was doing...I would have to clear out the bin next to my bed on his side in the morning that was for sure.

So there we were...Nothing else mattered anymore.

Edward was mine and I was his again.

I have never been so much happier in my life.

**There...All done are you happy? **

**I am sorry I didn't put the lemon warning up but I wanted it to be a surprise and AML is rated M anyway...I didn't plan on a lemon but Bella deserved it for showing such courage!**

**This is NOT the last chapter even though it may sound like it.**

**I said that I was emotional after Alice's death but this has got to be the HARDEST chapter I have ever written...I am so drained after writing all of that and I cried for Bella because what she was saying was so real.**

**So I am going to leave you with that lemony goodness and enjoy my birthday tomorrow...I know it was wrong to leave on a cliffie so I hope this gets me back in your good books.**

**Give me a FANTASTIV birthday present with reviews...Seeing as I have done TWO updates today ****.**

**Love you all**

**.S.**

**X x **


	41. Surprises

*Hi Everyone!

I need to thank ALL my reviewers once again...'EllaJ 18, cullengirl08, hmwhitlock, Devil nightmare, twilightfan1969, Raven Jadewolfe, Katie Lou Lou x, LucasTillGirl, TwilighterLexi, Miss. Ally Lautner and .masen...LOTS OF LOVE x

Thank you AGAIN to my birthday messages I had a good day yesterday and today but I missed my writing and so I have done this chapter for you...I am back at college on Monday so my update will be a little longer next time round (but not that much longer).

I do NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML. X*

*~Bella~*

I woke up extremely contently to the rise and fall of Edward's chest beneath my head...Last night had seemed so blurry perhaps because I was now feeling the soaring pain in my head from crying so much...I had never bore my soul to anyone before but I couldn't allow myself to regret what I had done or how I had made love to Edward for the second time in our relationship...I needed him and even though he needed me as well he had asked me whether I had wanted it...Always the gentleman with me was Edward even if things had been pear-shaped with the two of us since Alice left...I fluttered my eyes open fully and gazed at the carpet of my room...I thought about various things...I didn't want to wake Edward...His breathing soothed and calmed me...I knew also that I was naked now with him but I didn't care I just allowed the reality to soar in to my mind...I replayed last night over in my mind and my smile was instant.

The birdsong coming from outside the window also made this moment as perfect and as peaceful as ever...I gave Edward no signal that I was awake because I was not facing him I just kept my breathing normal under his beautiful toned stomach muscles and the softness of his skin. After a few moments Edward's hand ran through my hair from the roots to the tips...His fingers felt so good in my chocolate curls and my throbbing head I closed my eyes for a moment and allowed myself to just feel and concentrate on the touch of his skin on mine...I instantly wanted more of him at the contact either that or to just look up at his face but I didn't want to...I wanted this to registered in my head and I preferred if it would stay there for a good amount of time. There was no other noise in the house below my room or above it...When Alice was here I would always hear her skipping down the stairs and no doubt waking everyone up without even being in the same room with them.

"I know you're awake, Bella" Edward whispered...I said nothing even though he had interrupted my unusual good trail of thinking. "You're a bad actress" he added and I suppressed a giggle...Mashing both my upper and bottom lips down...I couldn't disagree with him I didn't even know what acting was...I could never quite grasp the fact that I had to learn it anyway in Years 7,8 and 9 but also the fact that you can be someone else...Why would you want to be anyone else other than yourself? How could you pull that off convincingly as well....It had always confused me.

"Okay well seeing as you are deciding not to speak then I think I should talk a little about me this time...-" Edward began...The alarm bells started ringing in my head as I lay on his chest unable to move...I hoped that he didn't think that he had to explain himself as well because I did...He should not feel obliged so say anything he didn't want to because of my obvious display last night about how I felt about him.

"Please look at me, Bella?" There was the plea...I still couldn't deny him anything....Even if things had been rocky I would always be there for him and do what he wanted me to do in any kind of situation..Not in a creepy-stalker way but just in the loving and joining hearts way. I lifted my head and twisted it around to face him...He smiled as his hand moved from my hair to my face. "There's my beautiful girl" he said and I melted instantly once again...Edward was incredibly handsome anyway but he was even more appealing in the morning as his hair would fanned out and not in the messy need-to-get a brush way either...His hair had more volume in the mornings...He should belong in a museum of fine art as I have said before...Only he should pose in the morning shot. "What are you thinking about?" he asked and I trailed my eyes from his chest to his neck and up to his face...Edward looked a little confused at my study but I found myself in complete awe of him...Why had I not noticed how good he looked before?

"I'm....Just...It doesn't matter" I chickened out..._Damn it, Bella...Why?!_

"Please tell me?" _How come he always did that...Make me fall at his feet whenever he pleaded with me...Did he know he was doing it? Or was it completely unintentional on his part._

"I was just thinking about you" I answered quietly...Feeling a little insecure and embarrassed for a moment...I twisted my body around so that I could sit on my bottom...I pulled the duvet up over my bare chest and looked down into my lap....I hugged my arms around my knees keeping the duvet firmly around me.

"What have I said to you about hiding yourself, Bella" Edward said as I saw him move up from his lying position from the corner of my eye...He also sat down on his bottom but moved over to connect our bodies again...Our waists were now touching each other under the duvet but my arm constricted him from moving any closer. "Bella...I don't want you to do that" Edward whispered into my ear..I shook from the sensation but continued to look down...Trying to think of something else. My arms released themselves making them a little loser...With Edward it was like my body acted on its own accord...My brain was left to pick up where I was later on...Damn my boyfriend and his talented hands...Well actually talented ANYTHING I didn't think there was anything that Edward couldn't do...Perhaps I was wearing rose-tinted glasses with him once again but as long as I was back in arms nothing else seemed to care anymore. Edward's hands fell on the top of the sheet which lay across my chest as his cold fingers touched my luke-warm skin...I whimpered a little ...I uncrossed my arms and allowed Edward to pull of the sheet putting my hands down flat on the bed below me...Edward's hair grazed my face as one of his hands went across both of my bare breasts the other hand however went to my cheek...He pulled my face gently to the side and I did so...Following the gaze from my knees to his torso and up to his face...His ever so always stunning evergreen eyes twinkling their radiance drowning and passing on to my own.

"What were you thinking about me?" he whispered looking at my lips as he did so...I took a deep breath trying not to let my want and desire for him to shine through when I needed to be steady with my words. Edward was proving to make it very difficult as always.

"Just....Just....I was only thinking about handsome you are" I choked out swallowing the dry spell that inhabited my throat.

"How can you say that I am handsome when I have such a beautiful girlfriend sitting next to me" he replied and I shook my head.

"I don't agree with that" I answered...Edward pulled his head down his lips inches away from mine...His hand over my chest pushed a little harder as he moved...I closed my eyes as I felt his breath on my face.

"Lay down with me" he whispered soothingly....Before I could tilt my body back to the pillows he had already pushed down lightly on my chest but before my head sunk in the pillows he had put his arm out behind me...As I looked up at him from the pillows he still had his hand on my face...Now trailing every couture and feature leaving me to tingle under him.

"I should explain things, Bella" he said examining his finger and the path it made.

"You don't have to, Edward" I sighed out in answer...His finger rested on my lips.

"I need to...I do not feel obligated to do so, Bella it is my choice" He replied in a whisper and I nodded. "I don't remember my mother...I mean I remember her but only vaguely and only by appearance..She was beautiful and I imagine that everyone says that about their mother but...She was. Her name was Elizabeth...Elizabeth Marie Masen...Born and raised in Chicago...Mum was a woman of intelligence and knowledge excelling through her schooling and then going onto complete university..She studied Psychology and music. There in University...I forget what the name of the University was but there she met my father..However I never knew him as he left us both when I was only a baby..I...Like you was doomed to be an only child and I was okay with it..I was taught manners but there was always anger in me, I remember a friend of the family saying that I was capable of great anger and immaturity if I were pushed the right way and even now it looks like I am still paying for it. Mum died when I was six and I soon found out that I was an angry child...Bitterness being the only way that I could deal with things in my life...I hated the world and I hated every bad and unjustifiable thing it seemed to do to me."

"Edward-" I said but my lips held Edward's feather touch again.

"Please, Bella...You spoke for enough time last night...Let me have my point to prove, precious girl?" Edward replied his voice smooth and like velvet...I nodded and carried on my listening my eyes never leaving his.

"Carlisle and Esme...Esme had met my mother once or twice but I can't remember how...Anyway I was adopted here at the age of seven and so then I had to learn how to share my life with two other siblings as well as two parental figures...It wasn't easy and you may have heard Carlisle say that I was a musician once before...I am not a very good musician in fact I don't think you can say that by just playing piano to an average standard makes you a musician...I prefer to say that I play a musical instrument and that is it. The other reason I taught myself how to play piano was because of two reasons..My mother was a fan and so I hoped that if I too learnt how to play her spirit can live on in me some way..I was nothing like her you see she was too much how Esme is...Caring and forgiving..I have my dad's tyrant ways at least that's what my mum called him. I also learnt because it was a form of therapy for me...Like the way your diary is for you...You and I are alike, Bella in the way that we are thinkers and we think deeply about what other people may say silly and unnecessary things but I enjoyed the solitude..I could put my emotion into the keys and the final composition without anyone thinking any less of me..I used to compose music about people as well..Esme has her lullaby which I played as a present for her on my tenth birthday and she has still never lived it down...I wrote on for Alice and Emmett...I was working on my dad's when you arrived here and that's where I was when I wasn't at home to meet you the first time...I said to Esme that I was doing rehearsal when in fact I just needed to get away and write...Focus my concentration entirely on my music...I never had a band which I had also used as an excuse to get away...I was an escaper just like you are sometimes but I didn't escape things out of fear I escaped things because they played too much on my head..I do not like feeling overwhelmed. Then you came along. I cannot say as much about my past years as you can, Bella because I lost my mother and that part of my life went with her..I adapted to my new one and that is the one I have always known."

Edward stopped to lean his head on mine...He wound his hand that was on my face around one of mine in my lap...I grasped it tightly. There was a change in Edward in that moment and I could have a guess and say that he was about to become emotional but then Edward had always been unpredictable and I never loved him any less for it.

"Then...You, Isabella Swan...Then YOU. What can I say? I changed...I saw something in you and I am sure I have mentioned it to you before but you reminded me of my mother and it calmed me...That's probably why I was so unpredictable in my emotions with you...I had eagerly wanted to meet you because Carlisle had said so much about you and you had already had him wound around your finger...I mean that in the nicest way possible. I became confused...I knew I was changing inside when I would be in your presence and possibly for the first time in my life..I was scared...I didn't know what to do...You caught me at such a bad time on your first day in school and I am still ashamed at the way I treated you...When I realised that you were in actual fact my new sister..The girl I had been so anxious to meet it broke my heart to see that my behaviour had made you cry. I wanted so much to make things up to you because you were so different, Bella...Emmett and Alice didn't have the spirit and karma that surrounds you...Even now I am emotionally linked with you I cannot name it. Earthliness I guess is the word that is almost-right....Then what do I do? I go out and get drunk one night...You see with Jessica she had always been a passing fancy of mine but she always kept coming up in the strangest of places and whenever I would find myself getting over her she would be there again flashing me a smile that would turn me into a bucket of goo. I had always liked drink...I am not going to lie to you...But I liked it for all the wrong reasons..It was escapism of my true thoughts and my true identity..To stop myself from thinking it was wrong I branded it on the fact that i was growing up and it would be a transition that everyone went through to gain new light on themselves. Drink never did that for me....YOU did that for me...I am not wrong in saying that it was YOU who brought some meaning back into my life."

I sighed out slowly my breath trembling...Edward had such a way with words even when right now he was feeling vulnerable and exposed the way that I had done last night...I appreciated him in this moment more than I ever have done..I knew that he was doing this for me and it made me even happier that he was mine.

"Then I got even more confused...From the first moment we kissed, Bella...I mean the kiss that Alice had forced me to do...I couldn't stop thinking about it...It went around and around my head and I didn't know whether a brother should have felt that way about his sister...I never dreamed about Alice's lips and I have admitted to you that I have kissed her for a dare before. Jessica was a get-out clause once again and I never went out with her because I wanted to get laid which I know some people may have said about us...I went out with her because I needed to know...To have some finalisation on whether my once boyish crush feelings were still there and....They weren't. Jessica and I had fun for about two weeks and then my feelings for her changed and I only then saw her as a friend...From that moment on..I fell deeper and harder for you every day that passed. I felt your emotions as you felt them I would look at how beautiful you were when you wouldn't notice..Sometimes I would come in here at night and just watch you sleep and I wasn't being a stalker and I didn't possess and unhealthy obsession over you, Bella...You were just so fascinating to me. The one time I knew I had fallen in love with you was before you went to Sandgrove the second time around...You were in pain and despair and all I wanted to do was to help you."

"Edward...You saved my life...When you found me in my bathroom with the razor...All I needed was to hear you...Then when you asked me to put it down..I couldn't refuse you and then like I said before you became my purpose."

"I am honoured, Bella that you wanted to live because of me...Every thought I had for those two weeks belonged to you..Each and every one of them....You remember the time when I visited you and found Mike there?"

I nodded but kept my silence.

"After seeing him there...It made me realise that perhaps I was the one who was meant to be with you...I broke up with Jessica that night because it broke me to see that you had Mike...I refused to carry on my relationship with Jessica...If you can call it that because I no longer had any feelings for her and it wouldn't be fair. Then when you came back...Nothing was the same anymore because I had these feelings and I battled with them every day, Bella...It was much harder than I realised now looking back on it. I took the plunge at Christmas...I had told Alice how I felt about you and she had been pushing me to tell you in her own way – she was convinced that you had the same feelings about me but disclosed that I would never know unless I took the risk..So I did and you reciprocated them and I would never have believed someone so amazing as you would go for someone like me...Your mum turned up and deep down I hated the fact that you had to leave but I beagn to understand...Understanding your decision didn't make it any easier to live with however but I kept telling myself that you would come back and we would be together again...That was my hope. I went out for you...Not knowing that I was actually going to arrive on the day of your mum's funeral but I saw you on that bench, Bella and I needed you because I had missed you so much...I thanked whoever it was who had sent me there on that time because you had needed me too...It couldn't have been easy at your mum's funeral all by yourself, Bella and that is why I flew to England...I wanted to support you when your mum died and I wanted to help you sort things out. I just came a little late."

"I was never thankful for you as much as I was on that day, Edward of course I needed you." I added and he smiled my favourite crooked smile.

"I have never been so lucky in my life to have you as my own, Bella...I can continue to apologise for the way I have acted on countless occasions with you but you always forgave me and I never knew why up until last night. I don't think YOU realise the extent of feelings I have for you, either. Bella you are my world..Everything that is good and everything that is true and real...I never thought I would be capable of loving someone as I had always preferred the idea of lust.

I was proved wrong by you once again...These new feelings in me were my indication that I was finally growing up and even though I know I haven't shown it I would give you everything I own and more to just make you happy...That's all I want to do from now on, Bella is to just make you happy because you deserve love from as many people as you can but you also deserve happiness because I can think of no one more worthy of good life as you. Your experiences have made you strong and mature...More mature than I can even imagine to be. I love every part of who you are...Physical and mental...I owe you for so much of what you've done for me and I will spend as much time as possible to make you believe that I am deep down a good person. I need to work on my anger and get to the deeper root of the problem because I know it is still there...On a wild guess I would say it was because I never allowed myself to grieve over my mother...Crying to me was always a weakness it wasn't to me an emotion that came naturally and so I never cried over losing her...I cried for what I could have had in my life and not for her. Now...I don't ever want to go back...I would still love to be with my mother because she was a huge influence in my young life but if she hadn't of died I would never have come here...I would never have been blessed in finding you and eventually falling in love with you."

A tear escaped my eye as Edward brushed it away with his finger. "No more tears, sweetheart" he soothed.

"I am sorry...You just have so much meaning when you speak like that...It makes me want to believe you but there is always a part of me in the back of my head which doubts you." I replied.

"You should never doubt me, Bella...Or my feelings that still exist for you...If you never believe anything I say then I ask you to believe my emotions when I speak of them"

"Edward...I don't care that you were an angry child...I don't care that you were bitter because everyone is different and even though I didn't think much of my mother as a maternal role I do not think I would have been able to cope if she had died when I had been seven and I was then put up for adoption as a result."

"I know you don't care...Because you are so amazingly forgiving but it matters to me...I want to be that person you love with your whole heart...I want to be loved by you for my flaws and my sometimes unpredictability...I just want to please you, Bella"

I brought my hand entwined in his up to his face and stroked his lips. "You are...You are that person...You will always be that person to me. Don't you find it strange that if we weren't adopted by Carlisle and Esme then we would never have met?"

Edward took a deep breath but allowed me to continue to touch his face. "I would never leave you now that I have met you...Goodness knows where we would be if our other lives worked out."

"It's not worth thinking about is it?"

"Hell no" Edward answered with a smile "so there is my explination for what it's worth"

"Edward...Your words...Whenever you say anything no matter how small or how large ALWAYS mean something to me...I never believed on finding love or falling in love with someone but it did surprise me a little that you were the guy I was meant to be with...Some people say that first love is the best experience that you will ever have and right now...I couldn't agree more."

"I agree whole heartedly with that statement, too" Edward replied.

"Would you do me a favour?" I asked.

"Anything my Bella" he answered.

"Would you play for me some time...On your piano?"

"I imagined you were going to ask me that...I should then now tell you that I made a composition for you...I made it when you were in the hospital the second time"

"You did?" I choked out...Emotion coming over me again.

"Of course...I had to write something for the love of my life"

" Edward I love you so much" I said steadily this time as he smiled touching my cheek again.

"Always beating me to the punch aren't you?" he teased

"Sorry"

"It's okay...I will just have to prove how much I love you in return" he replied as he crashed his lips to mine...I ran both my hands into his hair and sunk deeper into the pillow as he moved his weight on top of me taking his arm out from behind me.

Edward I didn't have sex again..We just kissed but in a way it was so much more powerful in that moment.

I love my boyfriend...I love my boyfriend...I REALLY love my boyfriend.

I will never get tired of saying or thinking that!

*~Edward~*

Last night with Bella had been one of the hugest reality checks I have had to endure in my entire life...Bella had born everything she had thought and expressed it to me with such courage and such honesty that I had been a real fool not to notice that she was always the girl who I would belong to...Her words and the way she spoke about her love for me would forever be branded in my memory. I cried a lot of tears last night...Tears for her...Tears for me...Tears for Alice and sadness for ever letting Bella go out of my grasp the way I had done.

When I walked out of her room I stopped myself on my way to my own bathroom when I was hit with a memory about how I had been with Esme about Bella's diary...I instantly turned on my foot and went down the stairs...There had only been rare occasions when I had ever been downstairs in my pyjamas but seeing Esme was more important than my personal hygiene at this moment in time. I turned into the kitchen and found her washing up in the sink...Instead of disturbing her I crept up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist and lent my head on her shoulder...She stilled herself when she felt my grasp but then turned her head to lean on mine...Her hands were no longer working and as she leant her head on my own she left both her hands in the water probably not wanting to touch me in case I got wet.

"Mom..I came to say sorry" I whispered into her ear as I smelt her coconut shampoo...That same smell had always comforted me as a young child in her care and I was surprised to have the same feeling come back to me as I held her.

"I am sorry too" she whispered.

"No..I don't want you to be sorry mom...I don't ever want you to be sorry for the way I act sometimes and for the way I treated you last time we spoke...I know you are ashamed of me...I am ashamed at myself and I regret it so much" I insisted...Esme lifted her hands from the water then and dried them on the dishtowel next to her she turned her body around and her eyes fell on mine.

"Edward I don't want you to EVER think that I am ashamed of you...I could never be ashamed of you...I can be angry at you and I can want to hit you sometimes not out of spite or anger but because I want to make things known to you like the fact that you and Bella should belong together but I love you, Edward...You are my son and you mean the world to me...You all do" Mom's voice sparked up the tears in my eyes...So forgiving so much like Bella...Why was I surrounded by influential forgiving people and yet I could never find it in my heart to forgive someone straight away if they had done wrong except at the last minute when I was on the brink of losing them.

"Don't be so quick to forgive me, mom...You have always forgiven me for my wrong doings and yet I still haven't learnt to control them"

"Edward I forgive you because I CHOOSE too...I see so much in you that I never want to lose and by not talking to you I have lost a part of my self...A part of my heart that will always be yours."

"I love you so much, mom" I said a tear escaping my eye...She smiled and wiped it away placing her hand on my cheek.

"I love you too, Edward so much...I never want to lose you...I can't bear to lose another child" her tears came so quickly and fell down her cheeks at such a speed that I quickly wiped away her tears and leant my forehead on hers putting both my hands on each side of her face she smiled in relief lightly.

"Now before I turn into a complete emotional wreck I need you to go and see your father...I have to go out now and sort something...He will explain everything" she said pulling out of my hold and wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

"Okay" I said hesitantly with a bit of confusion...She smiled and kissed my cheek before walking out of the kitchen and the front door. Instead of staying in the kitchen I went down to dad's office...Opening the door and closing it behind me.

What was this all about?

*~Bella~*

I turned off the hairdryer running my hands through my hair to stop the waves from frizzing out when there was a soft knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in" I said frowning as to who it might have been...It can't have been Edward as he was in the shower right now..Wasn't he? The door opened and I did a double take when I saw Rose peer her head around it.

"Hi, Bella...Can I have a word?" she said gently.

"Sure" I said cheerfully but in all honesty I was a little worried...Rose and I hadn't been on the best terms these past weeks and I still felt a little threatened in her presence as I had now seen her angry...Now I kind of knew why Emmett was so in love with her...She had guts and even I liked that in another person seeing as I always believed I didn't possess any strength myself. Rose closed the door and sat down next to me on the bed...I discreetly pulled the top of my towel up further and tightened my arms around it so that it wouldn't fall down.

"I came to say sorry, Bella" Rose said looking up at me from the floor...I shook my head.

"No, Rosalie...Really there is no need to apologise...You had every right to your opinion about me and I understood why you were angry" I replied putting a hand up.

"I need to though, Bella...I am a little angry still but I could have handled it differently...My fists have always come in handy with previous boyfriends who have broken my heart in the past but I just saw red and I never came down to see you with the intention of hitting you, Bella"

"It's okay...I needed it, Rose...You and Edward were the only ones who seemed to have the right emotions...Carlisle, Esme and even Jasper forgave me"

"Jasper forgave you for the same reason Carlisle and Esme did...You have forgiven them and so it would have been only fair that they forgive you in return"

"Yeah well maybe I shouldn't have been forgiven so quickly"

"Don't say that, Bella...Everyone is different...I suppose with Edward and I it takes a little longer" I didn't have the heart to tell her that Edward had already forgiven me..I didn't want her to feel inadequate or to feel like she had acted wrongly because she hadn't.

"I have a feeling that's true" I replied.

"So...Can you forgive me again, Bella...You know Alice, you and me we were....We had something between the three of us and just because one of us is gone does not mean that the other two have broken apart completely". I smiled.

"Of course, Rose" I said reaching for my makeup bag next to me and putting it onto my lap..I opened the zip.

"May I?" Rose asked and I turned to face her.

"You want to put on my makeup?" I asked her a little hesitantly.

"Sure...I have always wanted to do it but Alice had always beaten me." She replied.

"Oh...Well sure you can..If that's okay?"

"It is" she said with a small smile as she held out her hand I picked up my bag and put it in her hand. "Now would you like to get dressed first or put makeup on first?"

"What do you think?" I said shrugging.

"Dressed...That towel must still be wet" she said and I nodded taking myself off of the bed and over to the wardrobe.

"Did you want to pick out my clothes as well?" I teased and she bit down on her lip.

"Sure..Why not?" she replied....Rose put the bag down and stood up to stand next to me. Without saying another word..Rose pulled out my black jeans and my green v-neck jumper...I didn't want to say that those were going to be the clothes I had already planned on wearing...I had matching underwear too in the same colour green.

I took the hangers as she handed them to me...She then proceeded to search my underwear drawer...Rose and Alice had known where everything in my room was kept before I had done...She then found the same matching underwear and I gestures for her to put them over the top of my hand which was holding the hangers of clothes...The other was still holding my towel up...I turned and walked into the bathroom nudging the door closed with one of my arms and changing quickly.

I stepped back out to find Rose searching through my eyeshadow palettes...I pulled the hair clip out of my hair as I had tied it up to wash my face and hooked the clip at the hem of my jumper...I sat down on the bed in front of Rose and she smiled at me once before getting to work on my face.

It had been about twenty minutes before Rosalie had tidied up my things and said goodbye to me because her and Emmett were going out...I thought then to see Emmett and thank him for everything but I would see him again later.

*~Carlisle~*

The minute Edward had stepped into my office...I got up from my chair and grabbed his hand and taken him back up the stairs again...I stormed through Bella's bedroom door to find her on the foot of her bed...She looked concerned at my abrupt entrance.

"Now...I am not leaving here until the two of you make up!" I demanded with a deep breath afterwards...I looked at Bella.

"Dad..What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Emmett said that the two of you were not on good terms and he asked me to have a word with each of you...However I decided to get you both in here and kill two birds with one stone instead..So...Talk...Both of you." I replied.

"Dad..We don't need to talk" I turned to Edward after his remark.

"Don't give me that attitude, Edward...If you want me to discuss things with each of you individually then I shall do so."

"No...It's not that" Edward said looking at Bella swiftly...I turned to look at her..Bella bit down on her lip.

"Dad..We have kind of already made up" Bella said shooting me a small smile...I cleared my throat.._Well way to make a man feel embarrassed._

"Well thank you for telling me that" I replied.

"It happened last night..We were going to tell you all today" Bella replied and I brushed off my embarrassment at the soothing sound of her voice.

"That is very good...There is another thing now that you have reminded me...Esme and I wanted to wait and tell you when Emmett and Rosalie had gone." I explained.

"What is it, dad?" Edward said walking from behind me to join Bella on the bed...The two of them now looking up at me.

"We are throwing a surprise engagement party for them tonight" I finished.

"Tonight?!" Bella exclaimed.

"Whoa..When did they even get engaged?" Edward asked.

"Sorry you were in the hospital when it happened" I said

"You knew?" Edward looked over at Bella.

"I am sorry it kind of slipped..my mind" Bella replied awkwardly and Edward nodded in sudden understanding..._Wow, Bella had worked wonders on my son._

"What about Jasper?" Bella asked.

"Jasper rang me earlier...Danny has one more day of observation just to be on the safe side so he will be coming home tomorrow instead...He is free for the night and so he would like to join the party with us" I explained.

"How did you arrange this?" Bella asked.

"Esme and her hidden party planners" I remarked and Bella and Edward both nodded...They both knew my wife by now so I didn't have to go into the ins or the outs.

"Are you sure that Jasper is okay with this?" Edward asked.

"I made sure that he was...I wasn't going to do it unless he was alright with it."

"That's good" Bella said with a smile.

"So we will need to be ready by eight...I am off to finalise the party with Esme...I need you two to lure Rose and Emmett away from the house and to the village hall."

"Us?" Bella and Edward both said in unison.

"If I tried to do it then it would look suspicious...Please? You will think of something" I pleaded. Bella and Edward looked at each other for a moment and then back at me.

"Okay" Bella answered and I walked over and kissed her on the head...I kissed my son on the head too.

"Thank you so much...I love you both" I said walking out of the door.

"Love you too" Bella and Edward said together.

I ran down the stairs, grabbed my coat climbed into my car and was already out of the driveway faster than the speed of light.

*~Emmett~*

(Later)

As Rose and I had not had the time to be alone much for the past couple of weeks...I had taken her out to lunch...I had a good time and Rose seemed happier today for some unknown reason but I was not going to push her for an explanation...We walked back in the house hand in hand and into the living room to find Bella and Edward sitting on the sofa together..._They were talking?!_

"Sorry to interrupt" I said putting a hand up as I let go of Rose's hand to close the door with my free hand...Bella stood up and left Edward sitting on the sofa.

"No Emmett you weren't interrupting anything...Well Edward and I have made up" she said...My heart soared in my chest as the biggest smile formed my mouth...I closed the distance and grabbed her hoisting her up in the air..I swung her around as she giggled at my outburst...Wow I was pleased for her..I knew that she belonged with Edward...Now maybe I could finally get my Bella-boo back to the way she was before.

"Emmett...Put me down I have a request" Bella choked out and I put her down and looked into her face as she smiled.

"As much as I admire your enthusiasm...Edward and I were wondering whether you and Rose would like to come with us on a double date tonight?" she said both her hands clasping mine tightly..I looked over at Edward who nodded once with the same smile on his face.

I turned to face Rose who looked a little confused. "What do you think, babe?" I asked her as her gaze fell on me.

"That's very nice of you...It has been a while since we have all been out together" she said with enthusiasm...Something has definitely changed in my fiancé's attitude and I LOVED it.

"Hell yeah!" I exclaimed looking back at Bella. She beamed.

"Great!" she said "now you and Edward may stay here whilst me and Rose find suitable attire" she said looking over at Rose.

I watched as Bella walked over to my fiancé and held out her hand...Rose took it and followed Bella up the stairs...As they left us from view I plonked down next to Edward and put my arm around his shoulder pulling him into a hug.

*~Bella~*

I searched Emmett's mess of a wardrobe as Rose stood behind me.

"Bella are you sure about this?" I turned to face her.

"Sure about what?"

"I mean I was a bitch to you and now you want to take me out?"

"Well it's like you said..It's been a while since we have all been out" I replied giving her an assuring look.

"What's the catch?"

"Should there be one?" I asked as she shook her head.

"No I just can't help but think that you are up to something"

"Rose...I am too honest and it has always been a problem of mine...If I was planning anything I would tell you" I lied in reassurance..._Please believe me...I can't mess this up now!!_

"In that case, thank you" Rose replied..._Score!!_

I picked out her gold dress which she had worn at Christmas and her gold heels from down the bottom of the wardrobe and handed them to her.

"Do I really need to be in a dress?" she asked studying the clothes.

"I am going to be in a dress" I answered and she nodded in understanding. "Now you get dressed and I will be in my room waiting for you" I said putting one of my hands on her shoulder as a final indicator of reassurance and walked away from her and into my room.

Since my makeup had already been done so well by Rose...I only had to wipe away the eyeshadow...I had already planned to wear my purple dress and so I would need to match my eye colour...I did that quickly and changed into the dress that had changed my relationship with Edward forever and took out the same heels from the bottom of my wardrobe once I had successfully managed to get the dress back on. I was buckling up the final shoe as Rose walked in wearing her dress. I finished the buckle and put my foot back down on the floor and looked at her.

"I have always liked that colour on you, Rose" I said as she smiled.

"Thank you" she replied.

"So do you have everything you need?" I asked and she nodded...I walked over to my chest and pulled out my silver locket. "Would you put this on for me?" I asked her and she walked over talking the chain in her hands and tying it up as I kept my hair up in my hands. I let it fall as she clasped it and turned to face her. "Do you have a coat? It's a little cold outside?"

"Yes, it's downstairs" she said and I nodded. "You ready?" Rose nodded again and held out her hand to me this time...I took it and walked out of my room turning my light off behind me..I hoped that she didn't notice I had a bag on me.

As we walked down the stairs together Emmet and Edward were waiting for us our coats in each of their hands...Their own coats already on. Edward and I had completed our tasks of getting Rose and Emmett dressed up in a formal fashion and I was glad.

I let go of Rose's hand allowing her to go first and walk towards Emmett...Emmett wrapped the coat around her as she put her arms in the sleeves they said nothing...I walked towards Edward and put my arms into my own coat.

"Beautiful" he whispered in my ear as I turned back round to face Rose and Emmett.

"Lets go" I said as I gestured for them to walk out of the door first...I shot Edward a relieved look as I took his hand and followed Emmett and Rose out of the door.

When we got to the hall and Edward had parked his car up...I lent Rose a hand getting out of the car she looked at the hall and back at me.

"Why are we here?" she asked me...I thought of a lie quickly but was beaten to the punch by Edward.

"I thought we could all have a drink first" he said flashing me a smile...I mouthed a thank you to him.

"Sweet!" Emmet exclaimed clasping Rose's hand...Edward took mine and Edward and I had reached the bottom of the steps leading up to the entrance when I heard a car pull up behind us...I looked around to recognise Jasper's car I faced Edward.

"You go in...I will be there in a minute" I said...He nodded kissing my cheek and releasing my hand...I walked over to Jasper who was smiling at me as he closed his car door.

"Hi Bell!" he greeted me cheerfully.

"Hi Jasper...Listen can I have a word with you?" I asked

"Of course" he replied. I gestured for him to follow me to the steps where I had just come from I leant an arm on the banister and turned to face him.

"Jasper..I need to know whether you are okay with all of this?"

"I appreciate your concern so much, Bella...Of course I am"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes...Danny was supposed to come home today but seeing as that has been changed I thought it only right that I should join in the congratulations...Seeing as it has been planned for a good couple of weeks now"

"Oh well I was only told today...I figured after Alice-"

"Bella...Alice always loved a party and even though I would have spent the night with Danny if I had no other plans...I have a night free and it might do me some good you know? I know Alice certainly would have liked to have had some part in the planning of this" Jasper's voice began to break on the last part of his answer and I immediately closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his shoulders he leant into me holding me tightly in return.

"Alice would have been proud of you, Jasper" I whispered.

"Thank you, Bella...You really are the best" he answered releasing me...I stroked the tear away from his cheek with one of my fingers.

Before I could open my mouth...There was a large roar of the word 'congratulations' from inside the hall...I laughed.

"I guess we missed it" Jasper remarked and I shrugged.

"It's okay...I have already done my task for the day" I replied taking his hand in mine and leading him up the stairs and into the hall.

As Jasper and I stood in the crowded room, Edward came over wrapping one of his arms around my shoulders and upper chest and put his other hand on Jasper's shoulder. We stood there in silence looking at a beaming Emmett and a tearful Rose as they hugged Esme and Carlisle...One of the servers approached us then with a tray of champagne...Edward released me and took one off of the tray along with Jasper...I looked at the glass for a moment before taking one for myself. The server left us there and walked away.

Edward, Jasper and I all tapped our glasses together gently and all turned to face Rose and Emmett raising our glasses in front of us...Emmett and Rose both caught our gesture and were now both staring at all of us...Emmett mouthed a thank you to us and Rose smiled at Edward and Jasper...When her gaze fell on me she nodded with a small smile...I nodded back.

We were all happy for Emmett and Rosalie and even though we all wished that Alice were here to celebrate it with us....There was no doubt in our minds that she was looking on all of us as we enjoyed the celebrations...The way that she would have wanted it to be.

*The next update WILL be the LAST chapter...:(!

Writing AML has been such a thrill and I am so grateful for all the responses it has received and all the support you have given me...Thank you so much to everyone who favourited and reviewed this story as well as putting AML on their alerts and in their C2s.

Only two more chances to give me closing thoughts on this story...I love you all once again!

Thanks for reading!*

.S.

X x


	42. A Shapened Life

**Hello LOVELY people!**

**Here it is...The FINAL chapter of 'A misshapen life'!! **

**I shall be sad to see it go after it has been literally ALL I think about for the past two months...!!**

**I do NOT own Twilight...I own AML.**

**(I should thank Ms Meyer as amazing as she is for letting us ALL play with her characters and create our own worlds to keep them all alive).**

**Sexual content in this chapter for the AMAZING 'Katie Lou Lou x' for her UNDYING and extremely kind support of this story...I appreciate her SO much.**

**Song for the first part of chapter is 'December Boys' – Peter Cincotti (A good ENDING song)**

*~Bella~*

(4 Months later)

Jasper and I had just gotten back from Alice's grave...We went upstairs as I held Danny in my arms..We walked into Alice's room and I stood in the centre as Jasper sat on his bed.

"Wow I can't believe how big he has got already!" I exclaimed to Jasper...He smiled over at me as he sat on the bed. Jasper had moved in with us in the Cullen household...Esme had given the choice for his mother to also stay with us but she kindly declined the offer and admitted that she wanted to stay residing where she was...However Beverly Hale was a frequent visitor and a close family friend to all of us. Danny Hale was also making a huge impression on us all...Not a day went by when he wasn't surrounded and cuddled by one of us...Just like his amazing mother before him he was wrapping us all around his little finger and I stuck by my idea that he would become a charmer as he grew up and would surely break some hearts in his conquests for finding a future girl to be with him.

"I know...Why are you here anyway, Bella...Aren't you supposed to be helping Rose get ready?" Jasper asked from behind me.

It was Emmett's wedding day today...I hadn't seen him much at all as Carlisle and Edward had been the only major part of his company...Something about how men need to do what they must do before a wedding...The things they do that is separate from what the women do...So Rose and Esme had been with me for the past month or so and I had barely had time to think about my own life as it would all revolve around Emmett and Rose for the past month and of course today. I started my job at the restaurant...FINALLY as it had been offered to me before Christmas but due to events in my life I was unable to begin working there properly. Now that life seemed to be back in some kind of order again I was learning my own craft and earning my own money which I was extremely happy about. Elizabeth was truly one of the best employers I could ever imagine to have...She was not just my boss but she was also a good friend and like Tess would prove to be a big influence in my life which I will never forget as long as I live on the earth....My fellow employees who I also consider to be friends continue to be kind and helpful during my time at work...As my days are now split between school and work it was hard to adapt to at first but now I barely remembered my routine before I had started my job.

"Rose is out with Esme this morning picking up the wedding dress...I decided to stay away...I couldn't turn down time with my gorgeous nephew ." I cooed looking down into Danny's eyes...Alice's eyes...So beautiful and so expressive but Danny had the colour of Jasper's natural blue eyes...Alice had a bright hazel but the shape of Danny's eyes were Alice's all the way.

"I think he has been getting enough attention" Jasper remarked and we both laughed at the truthfulness of what he had said. "I am sorry that you are no longer bridesmaid" he added and I turned to face him.

"I understand why Rose had stripped me of that duty...She had every right to and besides what's important today is that all of us celebrate something together. Esme has organised this entire wedding so quickly I was wondering whether we would have to wait at least a couple of years before all of it was done...I still underestimate her talents"

"I think we all do" Jasper replied.

"What about you? Do you not have to play your role of best man, today?" I asked.

"Edward was made the first best man...I am merely a deputy if it is best to put it that way...I organised the stag night yesterday and I will read out a speech for Emmett and Rose today...As for everything else my attention lies purely on my son"

"Well I cannot argue with that" I said with a smile...I gently put Danny down back in his cot as he had fallen asleep in my arms...I stroked my index finger down his tummy and pressed play on the tape player on his cot side table that held his baby monitor and his lamp. The lullaby that Edward had made for his nephew came through the speakers beautifully...I walked out of the room with Jasper behind me and closed the door.

"I still don't know how you do that...No one can make him go to sleep as easily as you can" Jasper remarked as we descended the stairs.

"I guess he just has good taste" I teased and he chuckled.

"I would have to agree with his taste then" Jasper replied and I rolled my eyes...I walked into my bedroom and left the door open for Jasper. I turned to look at him standing just outside of my room in the hallway.

"It's alright, Jasper you can come in" I said.

"Sorry...I know you have said it is okay for me to come in here, I still however think that it is rude if I do not wait until you give me permission"

"Its okay" I said gesturing for him to come in...I lay down flat on my bed and sighed out loud.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Jasper asked sitting down next to me on the bed.

"Yes...It just all seems too much like a dream...I mean Emmett is getting MARRIED today...its madness" I exclaimed.

"I know...I have always said that he was going to be the first one to tie the knot. I bet you're missing Edward though."

"I swear, Jazz sometimes you can read my mind"

"No...I just know a thing or two about being in love."

I laughed a little and twisted my body around so that I was side-on looking up at him "I just wish that we could ALL be together today" I said.

"I do too, Bella...By god I wish my Alice was still here...I think about her everyday" Jasper replied looking at the floor.

"Oh god that reminds me!" I exclaimed climbing off of the bed and walking over to my drawer...I pulled out a present that I was meant to give Jasper when Danny was finally able to come home but it had slipped my mind completely. I had gone to great lengths to look for a beautiful frame that had a rose design...Something that wasn't too feminine but something that Danny could keep. I found a sterling silver frame the design was trailing stems with baby blue blooms...The same flowers that Jasper continued to lay on Alice's grave. I was proud of it...If Danny had been a girl then I would have brought jewellery with the same thought but I thought the frame was beautiful and even know three months later I had been proud of myself for making the discovery without any help from anyone else...I had kept it secret from Edward as he had made his own gift of a lullaby..Esme and Carlisle had made up Alice's old room into a full-equipped nursery...They had kept her bed and her wardrobe out of principal and had also kept all the possessions that she loved the most. Emmett and Rosalie had brought a large picture to hang on the wall of all the Cullen's...The same one that was existed in my silver locket Edward gave me...However Rose and Emmett's picture was in colour and my locket one was black and white. The large portrait of all the Cullen's hang on the wall above the far frame of the cot. I was not in the picture but I didn't mind in the slightest...I would have to go out in the future and have one made again with just me, Edward and Emmett...The Cullen siblings.

In my gift I had found a different picture of Alice...The most beautiful one I could find of just her on her own and there were lots of great ones but the one I had chosen had struck me the most and had caused the most of my tears to fall.

I picked out the frame that was wrapped in baby blue paper and had a glittering blue bow wrapped around the centre. I took a deep breath before turning around to look at Jasper on the bed.

"I was meaning to give this to you a while ago...I am sorry that I have forgotten about it up until now. It is for Danny...As memories sake" I said reaching him and holding out the present. He took it out of my hand slowly and pulled on the bow...He then pulled the ends of the paper carefully as my breathing began to pick up..._Oh god please like it!_

Jasper turned the frame around was he had undone all of the paper and sighed long and loud trailing his finger over Alice's face...I took the opportunity to say something in his silence.

"I don't want Danny to ever forget his mother because none of us ever will" I stated in a shaky voice...Jasper looked up at me through his tear-filled eyes the two of us remained silent for a second..I looked away from his gaze and onto the floor...I was about to look back up at him when both of his arms constricted around my shoulders pulling me into his chest...Jasper held me tightly keeping one arm around my back and the other resting in my hair...I kept both my hands on his back and returned his grasp just as tightly.

"I just hope Edward realises how lucky he is to have you, Bella" Jasper whispered and I sighed.

"Even if he does...I will never stop thinking about Alice nor will I ever stop loving her...You do believe me don't you?" I asked...Jasper took his hand away from my neck and stared into my eyes.

"Of course I believe you, Bella...You are one of the main people in my life that I trust completely...I will make sure that Danny treasures this...I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving this to him..His mother, the love of my life will never be forgotten" he said...I smiled and took myself out of his hold.

"Do you need to see Emmett today?" I asked closing the drawer to my chest.

"No...He said he will meet me here later...He knows I would never leave Danny" Jasper answered.

"If you like I can watch Danny for you...That is if you want to go and see Emmett and Edward now?" I suggested...I looked back at Jasper who seemed to be pondering for a moment before returning my gaze.

"Would you mind that, Bella?" he asked.

"Of course I wouldn't mind...He is to be my Godson in a couple of weeks I should at least start making my impression now" I answered...Jasper picked up the frame from my bed...He kissed my cheek.

"Thank you for this, Bella" he said walking out of the door and back up the stairs.

I sighed and looked around my deserted room...The best thing I can do now is to wait for Esme and Rosalie to come back.

*~Esme~*

"Are you alright in there, Rose"? I called from outside Rose's changing room door...She had been in there for at least twenty minutes and I was getting worried. "Do you need a hand?" I added.

"No...I am coming out" I stood back from the curtain as it opened and I clutched my hands over my mouth as I took in Rose's look. Rose looked simply amazing...As beautiful as any bride on their wedding day...Her dress consisted of slightly old-fashioned lace which was surprising for me to see on her because she was so wonderfully modern. The bodice wrapped around her curves in exactly the right placed and the bottom of the dress was just as gorgeous too. It was simple but simply breathtaking.

"So Esme what do you think?" she asked looking at me apprehensively...I took my hands away from my mouth taking a few more seconds for it all to register.

"You look amazing, Rosalie" I choked out.

"Are you sure...I really want to look good...Do you think Emmett will like it?" I sensed her nerves and it was only natural that she would feel them in this moment.

I closed our gap and put my hands on her face "Right now...I am so happy that you are going to be my daughter in law" I admitted as Rose smiled...Her eyes were filling up with tears.

"I am sorry...I just...I am so nervous" he choked out attempting to blink away her tears.

"It's okay, sweetheart...its natural" I replied and she took a deep breath. "So is there anything else you need to do?" I asked her my hands still on her face.

Rose was deep in thought for a moment...Her eyes staying away from my own as she did so. "Actually there is one thing..." she trailed off and I took my hands away from her face.

"Yes sweetie?" I asked.

"I never cancelled the order for Bella's bridesmaids dress...Would you go and ask for it at reception for me?" I stood back.

"Wait...You want Bella to be your bridesmaid?" I asked her a little shocked.

"I wanted her and Alice to be my bridesmaids but seeing as Alice won't be able to...I want Bella to be there with me."

"After everything that has happened between the two of you?"

"I reckon that this might be the one thing to make our relationship better...And there is one more thing that I would like to ask you?"

"Of course what is it?"

Rose analysed my face for a moment before speaking "Would you and Carlisle give me away?"

I heard her words in my mind and I suddenly became very emotional..."What about your parents?" I asked.

"They are away...I preferred it if they didn't come because they haven't been parents to me at least not in the same way you and Carlisle have" She explained.

"Rose...I am sure if I rang them and told them then-"

"No...Please...I will belong to Emmett now and I want a REAL family to give me away...Please, Esme?" She pleaded...I found myself unable to refuse her as she stood in her beautiful gown.

"Of course we will, Rose...We would be honoured" I choked out my tears escaping from my eyes...Rose wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly.

"Thank you, Esme" she whispered.

I released her after a few moments "You go and take that off...I will go and get Bella's dress and then we can go back home and surprise her with the news!" I exclaimed Rose nodded closing the changing room door as I walked down to the reception.

Today was certainly going to be an emotional one...I just hoped that my beautiful Alice would be able to be a part of this day with us as well.

*~Carlisle*~

I tugged hard on Emmett's waistcoat...Grunting as I pried the buttons closed with as much strength as I could...Edward was watching me from the living room chair fighting back laughter at the picture of us.

"Christ, son...When was the last time you measured this?" I exclaimed pulling the waistcoat harder around him...Emmett grunted in pain.

"Last week" he choked out.

"You can't have eaten THAT much in a week...Remind me to tell your mother to stop giving you seconds" I said...I put my foot down on his lower back and he knelt his torso down to lend me a hand...I was becoming very hot in a short amount of time. "Emmett for pity's sake I can't get it on!" I shouted letting go of the coat. We were interrupted by Jasper's arrival in the house...I had decided to ask Beverly Hale for the use of her house so that the girls could have our house for their own...Jasper looked confused at us and bit down on his lip as he closed the front door behind him.

"Don't tell me...He has eaten too much again?" Jasper said and Edward laughed through his closed mouth.

"Is there any way you could get this on Jasper?" I sighed out...I was out of breath and it was quite embarrassing. Jasper sighed and walked over to Emmett...I sat down next to Edward on the sofa.

"Right, Emmett this is going to hurt grit your teeth, buddy" Jasper said...Emmett nodded once as his head hung...Jasper put his foot on Emmett's spine and pulled the waistcoat with every strength he had until he and Emmett were both red in the face.

"Almost there...One more pull" Jasper choked out as he gritted his teeth...He tugged the waistcoat one more time and managed to tie up the buttons successfully.

"It feels like I am wearing a fucking corset!" Emmett remarked and Edward laughed.

"Since when will you ever wear a corset?" Edward replied...Jasper was breathing deeply.

"I don't know but there is no chance in hell I am going to wear one now!" Emmett began to lift himself back up.

"Go slow, mate" Jasper said tapping his spine.

"Yeah we don't want anything ripping" Edward added...He and Jasper both rolled their eyes at each other...Emmett managed to put his upper body straight and he let out a huge sigh. He turned to face me.

"You alright there, old timer?" he asked me...I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Careful son...I can easily cancel this wedding with one press of a button" I spat and Emmett chuckled...It's true I would never have done it but right now...I lacked the energy to be civil...I had demanded that he eat carefully this week but he had gone and done the complete opposite.

"Right if you boys will excuse me...The old timer must go to the church" I sat lifting myself up from the chair. "Please tell me that your coat fits Jasper"? I asked him and he nodded.

"Don't worry Carlisle I haven't had much time to eat anything with Danny" he said with a proud smirk...I tapped his shoulder and walked out of the front door closing it behind me.

That was the last time I would play dress up with my son ever again...From now on he was going to be on a diet consisting of only vegetables and fruit!

*~Jasper~*

"So do you need a hand putting your things on?" Edward asked me...Emmett had gone into the kitchen to get a glass of water...I sat down next to Edward.

"No...It won't take me long...You know I have to say this, Edward...You have got yourself an amazing girlfriend in Bella"

"I know I do, Jasper" he said genuinely "where is she?"

"She is at home with Danny...Don't worry Esme and Rose should be home now so she won't be alone"

"Edward has had to spend a lot of time on his own without any action this week" Emmett said as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Guys...Before you start I am not prepared to talk about what I do in my life with Bella...It stays between me and her"

"There was me thinking that you would shout it from the rooftops" Emmett replied pacing around the glass of water still in his hand.

"That was the old me" Edward stated.

"It's only when it's really good that people don't talk about it" Emmett said.

"Oh and how would you know? All I hear is sex stories about you and Rose so it must not be any good then" Edward spat...I stifled back a laugh.

"Wow you hurt me deep little brother" Emmett said sarcastically.

"So...I am a little concerned about why Bella isn't the bridesmaid anymore" I said looking over at Emmett who shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Edward exclaimed following my gaze to Emmett.

"Sorry...It was Rose's idea...I had the choice ofpicking out best men and she had to pick her bridesmaids...She was set when we got engaged that she wanted Alice and Bella to do it...But she is still angry at Bella for what she did to you, Edward"

"I have forgiven her, Emmett...She was looking forward to being a bridesmaid" Edward replied.

"I am sorry, bro if it were up to me then she would be walking down the aisle before Rose today but it is out of my hands" Emmett said as he laid the conversation to rest.

I stood up breaking the awkward tension in the room..."I am going to my room to change...You guys coming?" I asked.

"Sure" Edward said getting up.

"Sorry I think I will stay down here...I have enough trouble trying to breathe properly without having to worry about climbing stairs" Emmett said...I gave him an assuring smile and made my way up the stairs with Edward behind me.

I just hoped that Emmett's jacket stayed on.

*~Bella~*

I had just that moment put Danny down to sleep again after I had fed him lunch...I was reaching over to get my diary when Esme and Rose came into my room.

"Hello Bella sweetheart!" Esme exclaimed walking over and kissing my cheek she held what I guessed was Rose's dress in her hand. I looked over at my door and saw Rose enter...I stood up when I saw that she also was carrying something in her hands.

"Is Danny sleeping?" Esme asked me suddenly...I snapped out of my daydream and faced her.

"Yes...I have just fed him" I answered.

"Good girl...I am going to go downstairs to make some food...I will leave you girls to it" she said flashing us a cunning smile and walking out of my room and closing the door...Esme was up to something I just knew it. Rose hung the hanger on my wardrobe door and put down another bag she had around her wrist.

"So does the dress fit alright?" I asked Rose as she turned to face me.

"Yes...Just right thank you. Listen Bella, before we get ready...There is something I want to ask you?" Rose seemed anxious and alarm bells went off in my head.

"Sure, Rosalie what is it?" I replied.

"I am sure that you are wondering why I have two dresses in here aren't you?"

"Um I was a little stumped but the second one must be for your honeymoon trip...Right?"

Rosalie shook her head "not exactly"

I shook my head trying to get my head around what she was trying to tell me "then what is it?"

"You see, Bella...The thing is...It will take me a little more time to forget what you did but when I got engaged I wanted you and Alice to be my bridesmaids...I didn't even have to stop and think. Now that Alice is gone...I want you to be my bridesmaid again...I want you to be with me, Bella as part of my new family" Rose explained and I sighed out in shock.

"Wow...Rose are you sure you are alright with that?

"Yes...I can't deny that I need support, Bella and I hate the fact that Alice will not be here with us to make our little trio again but I can't do this, alone" Rose choked and tears filled up her eyes...I took her hand in mine as I tried to soothe her.

"Of course I will be there, Rose" I said as she smiled a little.

"I am scared, Bella" she admitted.

"I know you are...its okay...I will help you get ready and I will be here if you need to talk okay?" I assured her.

Rosalie sniffed and nodded shooting me another small smile.

Rosalie and I went into my bathroom without another word.

*~Rosalie~*

I had been in Bella's room for over an hour as she was adding the finishing touches to my hair with her straighteners...I had a small amount of time left before I would make my way to the church and be married. The past four months had gone so quickly and nothing could have prepared me for the nerves that I was now facing as I stood in my dress.

Even though I didn't want Bella to be my bridesmaid anymore...I had forgotten what such a source of comfort she is...It was like kindness radiated off of her and that is why I had grown to like her so quickly...Things had been bad between us but I needed her there with me when I made those vows...I was glad that she had accepted to be my bridesmaid again.

Esme barged into the room with Danny firmly resting on her arm as Bella flicked the switch of her straighteners off.

"You ready, girls?" she asked...I had a colour code in my wedding for baby blue...In memory of Alice and her birth to her son...Esme wore a simple but elegant baby blue dress and her hair was up in a bun.

"Yes" Bella answered...Bella was also wearing baby blue...Her dress was much more bodice styled like my own wedding dress...Both of our dresses had buttons at the back however Bella didn't need to worry about having the dress end on the floor as hers ended just above her knees.

"Are you ready, Rose?" Bella asked as she stared into my eyes.

"Yes" I said...Esme beamed.

"The cars are outside" Esme stated holding out a hand which didn't hold her sleeping grandson.

"Is that for me or for Rose?" Bella asked...I had been thinking the same question but it didn't come out of my mouth.

"Rose" she answered and Bella looked over at me with a smile.

"I will carry the dress" Bella assured me.

"Thank you" I said as she went round behind me and picked up the bottom of the dress. I grasped Esme's hand tightly and she led me out of the room and down the stairs...I was lucky I had Bella holding up the dress because my knees were shaking quite badly at this point descending the stairs...Esme nodded at the doorman who was holding our three coats and he walked down the steps and onto the driveway. Esme stopped and turned to me.

"Are you okay, Rose?" she said...I took a deep breath and nodded...Esme put both her hands around Danny then as I walked past her and down the steps with Bella still holding the back of my dress...I walked across the gravel and the doorman whose hands were free of our coats now nodded at me in greeting as he stood beside the car door...I climbed in as Bella took the dress and placed it neatly by my feet...The doorman closed the door as Bella climbed in the other side so that she was in the middle and Esme followed her...she reached out and the doorman handed her baby Danny as she wrapped her arms around him tightly holding him to her chest.

The car journey was silent as I gathered all my thoughts.

By god I was nervous...But I was marrying Emmett and that was all that mattered.

*~Edward~*

I was standing next to Emmett at the front of the church...He kept muttering and fiddling with his waistcoat his gaze examining all of the people that had come along to see him get married.

"Stop fidgeting" I whispered angrily at him.

"When you get married, bro you will be a nervous wreck too and I will watch you every step of the way" he snapped back...Jasper had been with us but had gone when he heard Danny had arrived with Rose, Bella and Esme...I scanned the crowd for my beautiful Bella but I couldn't see her yet... I leant over to Emmett.

"Emmett do you know where Bella is?" I whispered.

"I was just thinking the same thing" he answered...The wedding march had rang through the room in that moment as everyone stood up to look down the aisle.

*~Bella~*

"Jasper you go first" Rose whispered to Jasper who was holding baby Danny in his arms...He nodded and preceded his walk down the aisle...I looked away from the staring guests hoping that they hadn't seen me. The wedding march echoed off of the small corridor where Rose, Carlisle Esme and I stood...I had butterflies all of a sudden.

"Bella...I don't think I can do this" I snapped my head around clutching onto my bouquet...Esme and Carlisle looked alarmed.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered back.

"Bella...I can't-"she trailed off.

"Rose listen to me...You can do this...Emmett loves you and you love him...Surely that is enough"

"It's not the same...it's not the same without Alice" she admitted.

"I know it isn't...I meant what I said Rose...I will be here and I am here...We can do this together"

"But Alice isn't-"

"Alice is watching over us all now...I can feel it. If she were here she would say to get that pretty booty down the aisle" Rose laughed.

"You're right she would".

"So you ready?" I asked and she nodded...Carlisle winked at me as he took Rose's arm in his own...Esme had done the same with her other arm.I turned to face the doors and they opened...I walked down the aisle concentrating on getting my feet in complete sync with the march being played...I kept my gaze straight ahead as I felt everyone's eyes on me. I looked to see Emmett beaming at me and beside him was my beautiful Edward...A huge sensation of calm washed over me and I smiled back at him as I reached the vicar I went to the side opposite Emmett and Edward and turned my body round so that I was facing Rose.

Carlisle and Esme clutched onto Rose as she walked down the aisle...Her veil was covering her face now and everyone was smiling at her as she walked past them...I looked at Emmett who looked like he had just robbed a sweet shop...I smiled and watched Rose reach Emmett..He took her hand and Esme and Carlisle sat down...I took Rose's bouquet and the vicar began the service.

"We are gathered here to witness the joining of this man and this woman in marriage; which is an honourable estate, instituted in the necessities of our being, and dedicated to the happiness of mankind; an estate not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, soberly, and in all sincerity. To be true, this outward form must be a symbol of that which is inner and real, a sacred personal union, which a church may solemnize and a state make legal, but which only love can create and mutually fulfil. To endure, the marriage of these two persons must be a consecration of each to the other, and of both to the wider community of which their lives are a part. Love is a great thing, and thorough good. By itself, it makes everything that is heavy, light, and it bears evenly all that is uneven. Love carries a burden which is no burden; it will not be kept back by anything low and mean; it desires to be free from all worldly affectations and not to be entangled by any outward prosperity or by adversity subdued. Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, and pleads no excuse of impossibility. Love is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things and warrants them to take effect, where he or she who does not love would faint and lie down. Though weary, love is not tired; though pressed, love is not straightened; though alarmed, love is not confounded; but as a living flame, it forces its way upward and securely passes through all. Love is active and sincere"

The vicar then turned to Emmett...I was fighting back tears as I gazed on his face...So much happiness radiated off of him in that moment.

"Emmett... Will you have this woman to be your wife, to live together in the sacred estate of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, and be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do" Emmett said...I sniffed quietly...I looked over at Esme who was also crying.

The vicar then turned to Rosalie "Rosalie, will you have this man to be your husband, to live together in the sacred estate of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, and be faithful to him, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do" Rose said.

I looked over from Esme to Edward...He smiled and mouthed 'I love you' to me...I sniffed and mouthed 'I love you too' back at him...Feeling very overwhelmed with emotion as I looked back at the happy couple.

"Emmett...Take Rosalie's right hand in yours and repeat after me..." Emmett obliged as he listened to the vicar's vow...Once the vicar finished Emmett opened his mouth to speak. " I Emmett Cullen take you, Rosalie Andrews to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"

Emmett said the vow with no stumbles or mistakes...The minister then asked Rose to take Emmett's hand and repeat after him.

I, Rosalie Andrews, take you, Emmett Cullen, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

The vicar then smiled and spoke again. "The rings, please?" Emmett turned to Edward who put the ring in his finger...Emmett smiled and put it on Rose's left finger...I panicked then...Where was Rose's ring for Emmett?!

Rose gestured for Jasper to stand up and he walked over with Danny who was still sleeping she reached into Danny's top pocket and pulled out a ring...I breathed a sigh of relief. Jasper went to sit back down and Rose put Emmett's ring on his finger. The vicar spoke again.

"In as much as Emmett and Rosalie have consented together in marriage, and have witnessed the same before you, and there to have pledged their faith to each other, and have declared the same by joining hands and giving and receiving rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife. You are now wed....You may kiss the bride."

Emmett lifted Rose's veil and kissed her lovingly on the mouth...The congregation stood up and applauded them as they kissed...I tapped my arm on my hand that held the bouquets...I needed to clap but I couldn't do it properly. I blinked back my falling tears as Emmett and Rose laughed together in an embrace...It was such a beautiful picture. Rose turned to look at me...She beamed and nodded at me as I smiled at her...She then walked back down the aisle with Emmett's hand in hers..I watched them go along with all of the other guests.

"You alright, baby?" Edward whispered as he approached me.

"Hmm...I have never been to a wedding" I choked out..."Now I know why people cry" I finished. Edward stroked my cheek with his hand.

"I never got to say how beautiful you look, Bella" he whispered.

"Thank you" I sniffed...He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and he led me back down the aisle...I kept my body connected with his as we made our way back to the village hall.

*~Jasper~*

(An hour later)

"Emmett became a fast friend of mine...Someone who introduced me not only to the way friendship should be between men but to also his little sister, Alice...I am not right in saying that he didn't approve of his sister's match with me and we would often come at lock heads about her...He was a caring brother and he continues to be so...Alice also thought the world of him. Rosalie was a woman who I had gotten to know through Emmett...I remember him saying to me that he had fallen deeply for this girl and yet he was scared...Scared that he wouldn't be enough for her...I replied 'Emmett...If you are in love with someone then that is all that matters...Even if you love from afar then it is enough to make life complete...Go for it and take the risk because she might feel the same way about you' and of course I was right. I will be forever grateful for Emmett because he introduced me to the love of my life who sadly cannot be with us today...I will be grateful to him because he accepted me both as his sister's boyfriend and his own friend and that took a lot of courage to swallow...I just hope that I am lucky once again to find love and if it were to be half of what Emmett and Rosalie have then I will indeed be a happy man. I love my buddy, Em forever and Rose will always be my sister. So everyone raise your glasses to a couple who truly belong together. Emmett and Rosalie Cullen".

"Emmett and Rosalie Cullen" The guests repeated and tapped all their glasses together...Emmett stood up from next to me and gave me a loving hug and Rose kissed me on the cheek and the two of them sat back down...I took Danny out of Bella's arms and held him closely.

*~Bella~*

"My Brother bear what can I say? You welcomed me into the family and you spread your love around me in every way possible...I was scared to adapt to life with a new brother but I was glad to be proved wrong...You are the eternal light that hold our family together and you are the reason that we all stand here today...You are an inspiration to all men of your generation and you are terribly good at stacking the food away. I have never been so proud to call you my brother as I am right now and I hope that in my life I will have done you as much good as I can as a sister. Rosalie is forever going to be my friend...Even though we have had our ups and downs...She is beautiful, honest and courageous and everything that I hope to be...She is the other half to my brother's soul and I cannot imagine two better people meant to stand and face the world together than my amazing brother and my amazing friend. To Emmett and Rosalie"

"Emmett and Rosalie" Everyone called. Emmett hugged me and Rose came over and hugged me as well before sitting back down...I sat down next to Edward.

*~Edward~*

"Emmett has been the truest of all role models to me...Not just as my brother but also my friend...I never give him enough credit for what he does and I believe that everyone should have credit where credit is due. I give Emmett a lot of slack and can be a real jerk to him and I am not afraid to admit that to myself...But he always forgives me and supports my decisions and for that I cannot fault him. I owe him a lot in life...Mostly for kicking my ass but also I owe him for the continuous love he shows not only to me but to the rest of our family. He is the rock that holds us all together and he has remained strong when times have been hard. Rosalie is his light...The love that he has and we accepted her the day we met her but now we are even prouder to call her a sister...Rosalie is the perfect match for Emmett and I wish you both the very best in your married lives. I love you both and I also wish that Emmett would stop eating as much as he does. To Emmett and Rose"

"Emmett and Rose" The crowd repeated...I walked over and hugged Emmett and I leant over their table to kiss Rose on the cheek.

*~Bella~*

Carlisle and Esme had gone off somewhere after Rose had thrown the bouquet...A person who I didn't know had caught it and I sighed in relief to find that I wasn't going to be the one who got married next. Everyone waved them out of the church as they climbed into the car to go to the airport...I already said my goodbyes so I allowed myself to take in the sight before me. I watched Esme and Carlisle close the door and walk back inside towards me hand in hand...They kissed me on my cheeks.

"Where's Edward?" I asked them.

"He took Jasper and Danny home...Jasper will be at his tonight because it is his night to spend with his mum...I imagine that Edward is at our home...He said he would be back later" Esme slurred...She had been drinking as Carlisle kept his arm around her.

"Okay...Well I am going to go and check on him and I will be back" I said.

"Okay, Bella...Be careful" Carlisle said as he and Esme walked back into the party room. I had no choice...I had to walk because everyone had been drinking large amounts of alcohol...Edward and I had been the only sober ones in the whole party.

I took my coat off of the coat rack in the hall entrance and wrapped it around myself and stepped out into the cold but silent night...The moon was shining brighter than usual but the road was dry so I wouldn't have to experience wet shoes or dirty feet in my attempt to rush home to my boyfriend.

**(This part of the chapter is influenced by 'Flightless Bird' by Iron and Wine)**

I walked home as fast as I could having to take my heels off half-way into my journey...I hadn't even notice Edward go and I was worried...I was trying to drown out the unmistakable thumping of my heart my clearing away my thoughts and letting the night air calm me but it was impossible...I breathed out a sigh of relief as I reached the driveway and I saw Edward's car parked there...I stepped over the gravel ignoring the pain in my feet...I opened the front door and closed it behind me...The house was quiet at least it was on the ground floor...I dropped my heels on the floor and picked up the hem of my dress as I carefully walked up the stairs...I got to Edward's bedroom door opposite mine and knocked lightly...I didn't want to make too much of a noise on the door if he was asleep. There was no answer...I leant my ear up to the door and tried to concentrate on finding any sound coming from inside.

There was soft murmuring of music but I couldn't for the life of me try and name it...Music was still very much unknown to me...Seeing as the only music I had ever listened to was an Irish ballad and of course Edward's classical compositions. I had drowned my mum's music out as a child as it was always constantly playing in the house. I put my hand gently on the handle and pushed it down using my other hand to push against the door slowly...Why wasn't I EVER any good at being silent? I walked in to find Edward's room covered in candles...The lamination of the soft golden light filling the air and beautifying every corner of the room...I gasped uncontrollably I saw Edward standing there in only his pyjama bottoms...His beautiful chest under the candlelight looked almost like a delicate marble...I bit down on my lip at how...Sexy he looked in the candlelight...If I gazed too long the desire would be too much for me to handle. I looked down at the floor and kept my mouth firmly closed...My breathing had begun to pick up and Edward knew how much he had an effect on me...I closed my eyes too not wanting to bask in his undeniable beauty. There was a creak after a few moments and I knew that it was Edward's floorboards underneath his carpet making the sound...I kept my eyes firmly closed...I could sense him in my personal space already and it was only a matter of time before his beautiful skin made contact with mine in some way. I took a deep breath inwardly...I could feel my want for him growing and I didn't want to attack him uncontrollably...Especially when we could be causing a potential fire from the candles...I also knew that my own skin was going to set alight when Edward touched me.

"Bella look at me, please?" Edward said in a whisper...God this guy was going to be the death of me...Him and his sexy voice. I tilted my eyes back up and I flinched a little at how close he had gotten...My chocolate eyes rested on his...His eyes sparkled under the light in the room...I clenched my fists at the sides of my body...Jesus he was handsome...How could someone that looks like he does go for someone like me. Edward flashed me his crooked smile and took the strand of my hair that was the only strand from my whole head out of the clasp at the back...He ran it through his fingers as his face inched closer to mine...I stared at his lips intently as they parted from his own breathing his white teeth only just noticeable in his mouth....I couldn't move.

"I was going to come back and get you" he whispered...I melted under his glare transfixed on my face. "No I see that I don't have to" he finished.

Edward released the strand of my hair and walked around behind me...Trailing my neck and upper back with kisses as he went...I forced my knees to stay upright...I closed my eyes allowing the music to soothe my senses...Edward touched my hair clip and released my curls from their confined space...My curls landed on my back and I swallowed hard at the feathery touches they left on my skin as they moved. I kept my eyes closed anticipating what Edward was going to do next...My heart was skipping so much that it felt like it was going to break free from my body altogether. Edward fingers grazed along the back buttons of my dress undoing each one slowly my newly exposed parts of skin showing to him...He released the last button and the warm air of the room basking my skin...I shuddered as he trailed his fingers down my exposed spine leaving Goosebumps behind them.

"You're cold" he whispered.

"Sorry" I breathed out...I didn't know what he was doing back there and I couldn't help but feel a little anxious. Edward kissed my right shoulder once and rested his head on the bottom of my neck as he kissed up the side of it to my jaw line...My body began to rock and I wanted desperately to push my neck further into his kissing trail but I forced myself not to...I would not be so overwhelmed so quickly this time around...I needed to work on gaining some self-control even though with Edward it was always forgotten about. It had been a long time since we had slept together however not the longest we have ever gone without making love to each other...I had missed him desperately and the romantic scene in the room around me was not making my attempts to control myself any easier. Edward could sense my hesitancy...Once he had kissed along my jaw he entwined his right arm in my hair pulling my head so that it could face his....I stood strong.

"Bella...Kiss me, baby?" he asked whispering again...There goes my plans once again! Grr sometimes he had a great knack of driving me insane. I tilted my head backwards so it rested on his shoulder...I looked up into my eyes.

"I have missed you beautiful" he said connecting his lips with mine and immediately pulling them apart to connect our tongues...I let out the groan I had been holding inside since I came into the room into his mouth. Whilst our mouths were hard at work Edward used his other hand to pull down my dress at the front down to my hips...I bucked further into his shoulder as the warmness hit my exposed torso...Edward kept his focus on our mouths but kept his hand working...soothingly he trailed his fingers from my collarbone down to the clasp of my bra...He snapped it open and the cups flew apart and rested against my arms near my armpits...He caressed each breast in turn starting with the left and then giving the right one the same attention...I disconnected our mouths and sighed feeling the fire inside my veins once again...Edward moved his mouth up to my forehead and my eye lids as his fingers caressed both of my bare breasts...I felt desired but exposed at the same time and I was a little embarrassed that he was taking his time with me...We had never gone this slow and the ache in my soul was getting to be unbearable. He took his other hand away from my head and then with both his hands in tact trailed the straps of my bra down my arms and off of my hands completely as it landed on the floor...I kept my head on his shoulder...However my resting spot was short-lived as Edward moved back around the front to face me...He kept his eyes on mine as he hooked my dress with his thumbs and pulled the dress down all the way past my thighs, calves and down to the floor at a circle around my feet.

I was standing there in only my knickers...I still felt vulnerable looking at Edward and comparing him to myself there was no comparison...Edward stood back up and took my face in his hands...He wrapped his lips around mine and feverishly caressed them with passion the signals going straight to my head making me feel dizzy and lightheaded...Edward could kill someone with one touch of his lips...Probably sending them so far into airheadeness that they would need a brand new I.Q. I kept all my concentration on the feel of his mouth not wanting to spoil the moment with my own slight insecurities...Edward would never agree with me that he was the god-like example of man instead he would say that I was the beautiful one...I guess what others think of you is different to what you think of yourself. Edward moved his hand across my hip and I jumped immediately thinking that he was going to take off my one remaining garment but his hand continued down to the outer side of my left thigh...I instantly hitched it up my knee now on his right hip...His desire pressed against my inner part of the thigh I moaned when I felt how distinguished he was...Edward was well endowed even though I had never taken the opportunity to look at him properly....I knew it by the way that he filled my insides there was never any part that went untouched or unloved in any way and in all the time that we had been together.

Keeping our mouths battle Edward moved his hands to my waist and hoisted me up in the air...I wrapped my legs around his waist his desire now pressing into my own...A low growl came from Edward's chest as he wrapped his arms around my waist...My breathing picked up even more as I wrapped my own arms around his neck pushing my mouth further into his...My lips were going to be swollen in the morning...That much I knew but I didn't care...I have said before that I would spend the rest of my life kissing Edward if I had the choice and I still stick by that one hundred percent. I tightened my knees as Edward twisted me to the side...He took one little step and lay me down on the duvet however what I had failed to notice was that my legs were hanging off of the end...My knees in the air and my feet on the ground...I arched my back attempting to move backwards slightly but Edward stopped me putting his hand on my arm as I began to move underneath him.

He disconnected our mouths and climbed off of me taking great care not to hurt me...He stood next to his door and knelt onto his knees...I was aching for him badly by this point...I clutched my hands around the duvet underneath me trying to calm my body down...I was flushed by Edward's attention and my lips were chapped ever so slightly...I kept my gaze up on the ceiling and exhaled out slowly.

Edward's hands snaked their way up from my feet to my stomach...I felt the tears threaten to fall from my eyes...I blinked to stop them from escaping. I was so overwhelmed by what he was doing that I could barely control either my body or my emotions...It was like they had minds of their own. As his thumbs hooked around the band of my last item of clothing I closed my eyes letting the tears fall...He was being so attentitive to me and I had never experienced this kind of emotional pull to Edward...His touch was the best thing in my life but now...He was doing so much more without actually having sex with me. I felt my underwear fall down my legs slowly and smoothly and he took them off of my feet.

I was completely nude and unable to look into his eyes...I didn't want to see him study me...More tears escaped my eyes as I clutched the duvet harder..._Stop crying, Bella you're ruining the moment!_ There was a part of me that wanted to see the look on his face...I took the risk and lifted my head from the duvet to look into his eyes...His eyes had changed there wasn't that sparkle anymore if it were possible to see desire and love in someone's eyes then those same emotions were in Edward's right now. I bit down on my lip as another tear fell from my cheek...This all felt so strange and new to me and of course the only way I ever handled things was to cry. Edward looked me up and down as my chest rose and fell to the point of embarrassment...The music was still going in the background however my moans drowned it out.

"Bella you are exquisite" Edward whispered as he knelt back down and took one of my feet in his hands...I wanted to push my legs together and close them...I could feel my own arousal but Edward had never seen it. Edward kissed every inch of my foot as it lay on his shoulder...I threw my head back into the pillow...This desire was now officially unbearable. Edward lifted my other foot and did the same...I pushed each finger I had into the duvet trying to stop myself from grabbing him. I looked back down at him as he stood up and climbed over to rest on top of me...He put his knees on either side of my waist and leant on one arm as he used his free hand to wipe away my tears.

"Sweetheart...What is it?" he whispered his voice loving...I choked on a sob and took a deep breath in causing both me and Edward to rise slightly.

"I'm just...I'm" I stuttered...I clenched my stomach hard to get the words out "I'm just overwhelmed right now" I said feeling very idiotic after my obvious lack of speech. Edward caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"I have missed you so much" he whispered...I let out a sigh.

"Edward you didn't have to do all of this" I whispered in reply my voice low.

"Bella if I had the choice I would make love to you every hour of everyday" he replied...His words soaring to my soul once again...I shuddered a little under him.

"Edward...I...I love you SO much" I sighed out as he smiled a little trailing his index finger along my bottom lip.

"I love you my stunning, amazing and loving girl" he whispered his breath on my face as he kissed both my moist eyelids "I will love you for the rest of my life" he finished moving his kisses to the side of my head... I took my hands away from the duvet and ran them up his back before wrapping them around his wrists. He took himself off of me again causing me to have to let go of his wrists I sighed when he left me but he stood to the side of me...He moved his long fingers to the band of his pyjama bottoms and I studied him as he pulled them down revealing his now naked body...No wonder he felt so strong against my skin..He didn't have the boxers to stand in his way.

I kept my focus on his face and on his torso...It's not that I didn't want to look down...I just knew that if I moved my gaze down then I would have to let him take me then and there when he clearly wanted to take things slow with me. He hitched his knee up onto the bed and climbed to put his knees back where they were before at the sides of my waist...Before I could do or say anything else he grasped the tops of my thighs and pushed me further up the bed so that my head landed on the pillow...I don't know he was able to do that...As usual Edward continued to surprise me. He kept his hold on my waist as he climbed closer to me...I was ready to spread my legs when Edward hitched my knees around his waist and knelt down putting all of his weight on his knees. I was shaking now as he guided his 'male area' to my desire...I have never liked using the real names of body parts because it always made me blush even when I thought about the proper names I would blush and at this moment I had gone so long without blushing that it must have been some kind of record for me.

"Edward...Do you-" I stopped myself...I should trust Edward but I wanted to make sure that he was protected as I was not...I did not want to go down the same path as Alice had done at least not at this moment in my life.

"Don't worry, Bella just relax my baby" Edward replied... My hands started to tingle with the need to touch him but he seemed to have had other ideas I nodded in indication that I had heard him and then braced myself taking a deep breath in. "I love you, Bella" he finished.

"I love you too" I replied taking my gaze back to the ceiling...Edward then pushed into me...The emotion was so overwhelming that my hands flew up from the mattress and I gripped the headboard...It was such an impact that my body was following his and if I didn't hold on I would probably land in his lap. I moaned as Edward pulled out and pushed back in...I met his moves and desperately needing more of him I wiggled my hips to fit him in...He sighed in contentment as my hips starting to rise and fall with his movements.

Edward pushed and I pulled...I gripped my hands harder on the headboard and my tears fell down my face...This was nothing like the last two nights we had spent together this was so much more...We were in a different position but Edward's thrusts were harder and deeper this time around...I welcomed them pushing down on him to make him go further inside me...If that was even possible. I was moaning so much in pleasure but I couldn't grab a pillow to try and compress or quieten them because my hands were already occupied...I kept biting down on my lip but every move that Edward made caused my moans to get louder...There was no one else in the house but I didn't want to have to explain to anyone what we had been up to.

My legs hardened and I clenched my stomach as my hips moved up and down...None of this seemed real...Just a great dream that I would be reeling about tomorrow morning. Beads of sweat oozed out of the pores on my forehead...I had never been so hot before like this with Edward...It was defiantly a new time for both of us.

I felt my stomach harden as I clenched hard against the rising climax of an orgasm...Edward was grunting hard as he increased the speed of his movements...He was close too...I held on for my life as Edward caressed my knees but continued to keep our rhythm. I moaned again however it was shaky as Edward got faster and faster...It wasn't painful it was just amazing...Edward knew how my body worked and he knew what things I liked...Without even having to ask me. A true master and gentleman with me...He never made me feel repulsed by what we were doing he made me feel special and he wanted to please me as much as I could him. I clenched my teeth together as I got to the very top of my climax...I wanted to say to Edward that I was nearly there but I couldn't form any words. Edward sped up again and that sent me over the edge...I released the tightness of my hold on the headboard as I rode the waves of pleasure...Edward came seconds later riding out both of our orgasms..I tried to slow my breathing down but it was impossible...This had been the hardest climax I had ever endured and the sweat was now dribbling down my forehead and onto my eyebrows...My hand tingled with numbness from how hard I had been clutching the headboard...Edward owned my life...That was the only way I could describe it.

I was about to find some movements in my knees to take them off of Edward's waist when he moved forwards and onto his knees...my legs now around his back...He leant one arm by the side of my head. He kissed me deeply taking his free hand up to meet mine on the pillow...He grasped it tight and I felt tears filling my eyes again...One little gesture and he had me melting. He kept his contact with me and our lower bodies as he released my hand and put it by the other side of my head...I was too content with having him over me again to realise that he had begun to rock us again slowly...I held on to his waist...How can he still have the energy after that? No way was I complaining...If I had the choice I would have sex with Edward every day but due to our contrasting schedules of everyday life...This wasn't possible. I gripped my fingers on the front and back of his ribcage as he continued to go deeper and deeper...I was sinking further into the mattress and every push he made...I was so flustered to care about the fact that we might end up breaking the bed and having to continue on the carpet.

I once again had no speech when another orgasm unexpectedly hit me from left field...Edward came then...He always waited for me maybe next time around I should work on making him orgasm first...There was time of course...Always time for this...Hell I would MAKE time for this if I had to. Our hips slowed as Edward breathed hard on my face he kissed my forehead and down my nose taking one hand and wiping my clammy forehead...I put one of my hands on his cheek and stroked it lovingly as my breathing slowed and subsided.

The two of us stayed connected just gazing at one another...I couldn't hide the smile from my face even though I was exhausted.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" Edward asked me his voice now back to normal. I nodded and smiled at him. Edward planted a tender kiss of my lips before lifting up his body and breaking our contact gently...He stood up on the bed and hopped down...I pulled the duvet cover up and put one hand over my head and went over how I was feeling over and over in my mind. Edward walked into the bathroom and came back out moments later...He climbed into bed with me and held me securely in his arms...I snuggled into the crook of his neck and allowed my eyes to flutter closed.

I didn't mind that neither of us said anything...The moment was beyond any words in the English language...Edward was truly mine and I was his and that was the way it was going to stay for as long as he would continue to have me as his girlfriend.

I laughed at the idea that he had once only been a brother to me...There was no way he was going to be like that again...Not now that we had seen each other naked...There was just some things you could never go back to once you had sex and I would never again be Edward's sister...I didn't want to be.

About an hour had passed when I realised that the candles were still burning...Edward was out for the count...I wriggled out of his arms slowly...He didn't stir and pushed my knees down on the mattress to push my whole body out to the foot of the bed...I had done it before when I needed to escape his room...This idea was better than having to climb over him...I never wanted to wake him once he was asleep as he had always looked so peaceful. I buried around the carpet and found my dress...I climbed into it and left the zipper open...I went around the room blowing out each of the candles in turn before opening Edward's bedroom door slowly and stepping out into the hallway...I tiptoed into my bedroom and opened the door but left it ajar. I had one more thing I had to do.

I dug through my bedside drawer to find my updated diary...I took out the pen that had escaped from the cover and into the wooden surface of the drawer and opened up to the first cover.

The diary of Isabella Swan

I analysed my name and pushed the lid down on the pen to reveal the nib and scrawled over the note as much as I could without breaking the paper. I proceeded to the top of the scrawl.

I began to write:

The Diary of Bella Cullen

I closed the diary completely and undid the pen nib putting them both back into my drawer and closing it. I tiptoed back out of my room and closed it...I looked around the hallway once and once I was definite the coast was clear I hopped back into Edward's closing the door behind me.

I crawled back underneath the duvet going forward this time instead of backwards and I snuggled back into Edward's arms...He moved his hands tighter around me but kept his eyes closed...It was if I never left.

I closed my eyes and had three more thoughts before letting sleep take me over.

I was now Bella Cullen...An official Cullen.

Alice...I love you and I thank you so much for everything you have done for me and for all of us.

And my 'misshapen life' was now to my happiness a 'shapened life'.

*~ The End~*

**All-Over...I REALLY hope you enjoyed this story.**

**I will write a FINAL A/N tomorrow but it WON'T be a chapter!!**

**Thanks so much for the support on this story and I am quite tearful now it has finished...I will now work on 'A Swan's melody' and ANOTHER story for Twilight which is early in my planning...I WILL improve my grammar in my next ones it was only because AML was my first shot at writing a story...I hopefully will improve somewhat in my next project.**

**All my love**

**Samantha (Jigsaw Rose)**


	43. Sequel Note

Hi Everyone!

After much consideration and also browsing through all the reviews I have received for this story I have decided that I WILL write a sequel to 'A Misshapen Life' however I will place a warning before the first chapter in case people decide not to read it (I apologize to people who didn't like it).

I love this story too much to really let it go and as much as I want to send out the right messages for my stories and make my characters as believable as possible...This is fiction...It would never happen in reality and that is why I loved writing it in a story because it was so different....(Of course I did not know until the very end chapters that there are rules against the relationship between E/B).

The reviews after my final note really helped me and I appreciate all of them...As I have said before I am not condoning the incest issue and I am not intentionally sending out wrong messages about adopted teens...I promise.

I went through so much when writing this story...It means too much to me and so if I offend people by writing 'A Shapened Life' then I am very sorry – I know I will not be able to please everyone. I just hope that you saw 'A Misshapen life' for what it is and how I wanted it to be...A love story.

No other updates from me after this one...This IS the final curtain...'ASL' WILL start when I have finished my two other fanfics 'A Swan's Melody' and 'Consumed With Fire and Water' my brain is getting jumbled as it is with just those two FanFics on the go !

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed my last note and people who supported 'AML'...It was my first fic and everyone who has written on this site will have some understanding that your first fic is always the most special...Whether that is just my opinion I don't know...XD!

Lots of Love


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